If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

• If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

• Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... Don't buy food at this store.

• Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

• Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

• You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all ought not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"

• Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

• The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

• The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

• Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

• If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

• If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

• When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere, and that is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

• Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

• In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

• Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

• You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the location of local hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

• Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was purchased.

• If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eatin.

• Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

• Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

• Remember to be very careful of who you talk about around here. Everybody in the South is kin to each other. No matter who you bring up, you're bound to be insulting somebody's aunt, uncle, or third cousin twice removed.

AND REMEMBER:

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call'em biscuits.

And another point not in the above: Most southerners can laugh at themselves. There are some who can't.

Southern Sayings

• A whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end. (be what you are suppose to be)
• Ain't that the berries! (that is mighty fine!)
• As easy as sliding off a greasy log backward. (easy as can be)
• Barking up the wrong tree. (completely wrong)
• Be like the old lady who fell out of the wagon. (you aren't in it, so don't get involved)
• Busy as a stump-tailed cow in fly time. (busy)
• Caught with your pants down. (taken by surprise, wholly unprepared)
• Chugged full. (full and running over)
• Do go on. (you must be kidding)
• Don't bite off more than you can chew. (don't attempt more than you can do)
• Don't count your chickens until they hatch. (see the results first)
• Don't let the tail wag the dog. (the chief is running the show and not the Indians)
• Don't let your mouth overload your tail. (talking too much)
• Either fish or cut bait. (work or make way for those who will)
• Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then. (everyone is lucky sometimes)
• Every dog should have a few fleas. (no one is perfect)
• Fly off the handle. (become angry and lash out)
• Get the short end of the stick. (left out or done wrong)
• Give down the country. (give them a piece of your mind)
• Go hog wild. (really enjoy or consume)
• Go off half-cocked. (have only part of the facts)
• Go to bed with the chickens. (retire early at night)
• Go whole hog. (go for it all)
• Gone back on your raisin. (deny heritage)
• Got your feathers ruffled. (pouting)
• Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine. (doesn't know or care what's going on)
• Have no axe to grind. (no strong position one way or the other)
• High on the hog. (getting up in the world)
• Holler like a stuck pig. (someone deceived you)
• I do declare. (means anything, but usually nothing)
• In high cotton. (coming up in the world)
• In a coon's age. (been a while)
• Like a bump on a log. (doing nothing, going nowhere, but conspicuous about it)
• Like a one eyed dog in a meat house. (too much of a good thing)
• Like two peas in a pod. (friends, think and act alike)
• Mend fences. (make up differences)
• Plenty early. (get there ahead of time)
• Pull a plank off the wall. (celebrate)
• Scarce as hen's teeth. (non-existent)
• Sight for sore eyes. (looks great)
• Sitting pretty. (got it made)
• Slow as molasses in January. (slow)
• Stomping grounds. (home base, familiar territory)
• Sun don't shine on the same dog's tail all the time. (the tables will turn)
• That takes the cake. (surprised)
• There you go. (may mean to agree with, or just a response with little meaning)
• Too big for one's britches. (taking one's self too seriously)
• Two shakes of a sheep's tail. (to do quickly)
• Well, shut my mouth. (I am speechless!)

1. The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
2. Pretty much how many green beans make up a mess.
3. What general direction cattywumpus is.
4. That "gimme sugar" don't mean pass the sugar.
5. When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.
6. A good dog is worth its weight in gold.
7. Real gravy don't come from the store.
8. When "by and by" is.
9. The difference between "pert' near" and "a right far piece."
10. The differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, & trailer trash.
11. Never to go snipe hunting twice.
12. You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.
13. A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up.
14. Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.
15. Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons.

Southern Dictionary

• AIM TO- plan to do
• AIRISH- cold
• BIGGITY- vain and overbearing
• BITTY BIT- a small amount
• BROOMSAGE- dry straw, wrapped and fastened together with rope;to use for a housebroom.
• CARRY ON- to carry on foolishness
• CLODHOPPER- field hand or heavy work shoes
• CHUNK- throw, toss
• 'COON- Raccoon
• COW LICK- hair standing out on one's head
• DIRECTLY- in a little while, or a couple of weeks
• DIXIE- Southern States of the U.S.A
• DO-HICKY- substitute name. Like the terms whata-ma-call-it or thinga-ma-jig
• FALLING OUT- disagreement
• FEISTY- being frisky or excited
• FIXING TO- about to, or thinking about starting
• HEY or HAY- hello
• HOLD YOUR HORSES- (be patient)
• HONEY- affectionate term used by everyone
• LAID UP- ill, hurt, unable to work
• MESS-one who carries on, "He's a mess."
• MIDDLING- between good and bad
• MUCH OBLIGED- thank you; hope to return the favor
• PIDDLE- waste time, doing nothing
• PLAYING POSSUM- pouting, sulking, or playing dead
• POOR MOUTH- Complain, play down
• PORE- poor or skinny
• QUILTING BEE- Women of the community gather to stitch quilts by hand
• RECKON- think or suppose so.
• SHINDIG- dance or celebration
• SMOKEHOUSE- Enclosure with a dirt floor where pork and other meats is cured, using salt and seasonings, then smoked.
• SORRY- low or inferior quality, worthless
• SOUTHERN BELLE- Southern lady
• SPOON-FED- spoiled or pampered
• SPRING CHICKEN- young thing
• SWEET TALKING THING- has a good line
• TIGHT- Stingy (So tight he squeaks!)
• WAIT ON- serve or assist
• WART-TAKER- one who removes warts by charms or incantations
• WHITE LIGHTNING- moonshine whiskey
• WORRY-WART- one who is a pain in the ear
• YA'LL- you all, two or more people

Southern Belles

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Page Updated on October 6, 2001