Oil Change Instructions for
Men & Women
Oil Change Instructions For Women
Step 1: Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
Step 2: Drink a cup of coffee.
Step 3: 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money Spent:
$20.00 for oil change
$1.00 for coffee
Total = $21.00
Oil Change Instructions For Men
Step 1: Go to auto parts store and write a check
for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand
cleaner and a scented tree.
Step 2: Discover that the used oil container is
full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to
recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
Step 3: Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking
for jack stands.
Step 4: Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
Step 5: Place drain pan under engine.
Step 6: Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
Step 7: Give up looking after 15 minutes and
use crescent wrench.
Step 8: Unscrew drain plug.
Step 9: Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil;
burn hand in hot oil, get it all over your
clothes in process.
Step 10: Clean up mess.
Step 11: Look for oil filter wrench.
Step 12: Give up looking after 10 minutes,
poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
Step 13: Buddy shows up to lend technical support,
unanimous committee
decision to finish oil change tomorrow.
Step 14: Next day, drag pan full of old oil out
from underneath car.
Step 15: Throw kitty litter on oil spilled in previous
steps.
Step 16: Install new oil filter making sure to
apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
Step 17: Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
Step 18: Suddenly remember drain plug from step 9.
Step 19: Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
Step 20: Remember that the used oil is buried in a
hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
Step 21: Uncover hole and sift through muck for
drain plug.
Step 22: Mutter under breath about first quart
of fresh oil, now on the floor.
Step 23: Slip with crescent wrench while tightening
drain plug, bang knuckles on frame.
Step 24: Bang head on floor boards in reaction to
step 23.
Step 25: Begin uncontrollable cussing fit.
Step 26: Throw wrench.
Step 27: Clean up hands and forehead; bandage
as required to stop blood flow.
Step 28: Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
Step 29: Lower car from jack stands.
Step 30: Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
Step 31: Move car back to apply more kitty litter
to fresh oil spilled during privious step.
Step 32: Test drive car & get arrested for driving
under the influence.
Step 34: Car gets impounded.
Step 35: Make bail; retrieve car from impound yard.
Money Spent:
$50.00 Parts
$75.00 replacement set of jack stands
(hey the colors have to match!!!!)
$1,000.00 Bail
$200.00 Impound and towing fee
$2,379.50 Fines and court costs
Total = $3,705.50
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Page updated April 7, 2002
