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the light

my love for this world rarely overpasses my joy, but as a young boy, if i wanted a toy i got it. if i wanted a bird i shot it. are we playing tag? not it. hurled between two seperate universes: spoiled between helpless. the way my parents raised me was selfless but nevertheless i felt this battle that was beyond my control, and i was witnessing from a distant hole that i couldn't climb out of, couldn't tell the time out of and couldn't restrain my mind in doubt of myself. my mental health suffered severely. i lost it, nearly. i can still hear me crying at night trying to fight this internal struggle for control of my life.

oh hold me in the light i cannot stop the fight, i know it's not too late. i know it.

no, it's not too late to know who i am. it's not too late to be my own fan. i mean, damn. i've gone through my entire lifespan prepared for the next embarrasing moment. the silent auction of my confidence to the lowest bidder, i cover my face when i enter because only in my eyes am i a sinner. my ego is a blister, my annoying little sister, and right now she's yours mister. but as i grow up i'll love her and miss her and kiss her when she comes home. she'll call me up on the telephone and moan about how she has no control on her own. but i don't groan like when we were kids for instance, when i didn't want to accept her existence. i respect her insistence on being a part of me. in a way she's here to stay, and it's all okay.

oh hold me in the light i cannot stop the fight, i know it's not too late. i know it.

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