SECTION I: Barracks Construction

According to the plans laid forth by his almighty Peayness, Caesar Peay, Lejune Hall, along with the X (the only place with a TV and a decent meal), the office for cadet affairs (which controls the only non-forbidden forms of cadet entertainment), and the bookstore (which cadets really won’t miss because we just get everything at Wal-Mart, and batteries in the bookstore cost more than Cuban cigars), will be razed to the ground to create a new and separate female barracks

SECTION II: Barracks Description

The New Female Barracks, to be named after Col. Hurlbut, will have two arches, both named after John Daniels. The Hurlbut Barracks will be modeled after the architecture of all the buildings on the VMI post, with the exception of large pink towers, mimicking the Cinderella’s Castle at Disney World, that model of exceptional parades and personal grooming standards.

Hurlbut Barracks will be completely indoors, with glass walls enclosing a large open terrarium that will be known as the Jonathan Daniel’s Arboretum. Female cadets will have free reign of this facility, but it will be restricted from use of male cadets, because they only bring pain and indignance. All rooms will be enclosed, air conditioned and come complete with a private shower, restroom and personal vanity for each cadet that stays in the room.

SECTION III: Barracks Operations

Because it has been decided that the females will not be able to train with the corps, much less live with them, the females will train within their own companies. The companies will be named continuing in the tradition of naming the companies using the US Military Phonetic Alphabet, the new female corps will receive Greek letters, beginning at Theta (È) and continuing to Xi (Î). In order to properly govern this separate corps, they will receive their own regimental system. Female Cadets will establish their own rank within the Female Corps and their own command structure to better facility their needs and femininity.

SECTION IV: Female Corps

I an effort to maintain the femininity of the new Female Corps and to further inspire them and remind them that they are women, and; therefore, by decree of the Emperor, are different from men. In fact, men and women are so different that the bounds between them must be reestablished. The women must separate themselves from the males at all costs; male must never be allowed to know that the females cook their meals for them in secret.

To facilitate this change and be sure that anyone can spot a female cadet at distance and discern them from a male cadet, the uniforms of the female cadets will be changed. Duty jackets will include epilates, rank will be worn on the shoulders, sweaters will be issued to be worn with Class Uniform (It has been decided that the word dyke may be offensive, and is therefore forbidden). The standard cadet gray will be replaced with a more conservative green color. Pants will be forbidden from female cadets, to except the new female cadets, which can no longer be referred to as rats. They will be issued pants, but may only wear them on approved “Pants Days”, as a preventative measure so that their femininity will not escape them.

To further separate the females, they will parade in a separate regiment and at a separate time of the day, and part of the parade deck. The Female Corps will also include their own athletic teams and team sports. The female corps will also receive its own female guard team, all female cadets will be allowed to choose their time and positions of guard duty, to better utilize the number of weeks they are acceptable as members of the guard. Cadets will no longer be selected at random; the process will be more sensitive to “that time of the month”.

SECTION V: Barracks Groundbreaking

Upon completion of the groundbreaking ceremony and the final phase on construction, a large pink, yellow, and purple ribbon stretched across the Jonathan Daniels Arch will be cut. Immediately following the parade, tour, and bake sale, four large CH-47 Chinook helicopters will fly in and link up with carrying straps, and lift the barracks from its foundations and begin the journey to its final place. The Hurlbut Barracks will find its new home in Saunton, VA. It will be nicely nestled into a corner of Mary Baldwin College. Upon the foundation being re-secured, another ribbon will be cut, and the commandant of the new school, Brigadier General L. E. Hurlbut, along with the superintendent, the almighty and omniscient Caesar Peay the Third, supreme chancellor of all that is right and military, will christen the school by breaking a bottle of non-alcoholic wine cooler over its minaret of a sentinel box, and the Female Corps will be renamed VWIL, and the female corps will never deal with the chauvinist male pigs that only want their traditions and care nothing for the sacredness of the female spirit.

For the Supreme Lord, His Holiness, Caesar Peay III,

Raoul Duke

Thanks Raoul...I can always count on you to make us laugh and think...return to main...