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Chapter 12
Jesse was surprised that Richie didn’t have to ask her for directions. As he merged onto the interstate, she asked, “How did you know how to get to the interstate?”
“I spent today learning a lot about you and the area here.”
“Oh yeah? What did you learn about me?” she asked sassily.
“That you don’t normally sleep much, you haven’t dated in over six years, and you’ve devoted yourself completely to Stevie.” Jesse was quiet so Richie reached over to take her hand in his. “Was Kevin your first?”
“Yes.”
“Has he ever seen or held Stevie?”
“Kevin flew in when I gave birth to Stevie and he stayed with us until we went home. He helped out…feeding him, changing his diapers…he even got a limo to take us home. He gave me a dozen roses too.”
Richie knew that she was trying to paint Kevin in the best light possible but it wasn’t going to change his opinion of a man that got a girl pregnant and walked out. A few days in a child’s life weren’t enough. He knew he himself was guilty of not being at his own daughter’s events but it wasn’t because he didn’t want to have anything to do with her. Gently, he prompted, “Has he been around since?”
“No, he hasn’t. I do send him pictures…birthday, Christmas, other special events.”
“Does he know you named Stevie after me?”
“He knows his son’s name if that’s what you’re asking?” she said a little testily.
“That’s not what I’m asking. Does he know you named him after me?”
“He knows you’re my favorite guitarist. Whether he put the two together or not, I don’t know.” Jesse stopped and looked over at Richie and down at their joined hands. This man was….different….and full of surprises. “How did you figure out that it was Kevin?”
“Don’t worry. Ashley didn’t tell your secret. You told me that Kevin had been in a group but had left along with the fact that he was married. Ashley was telling Tony that the only thing you had done over the past 5 years was to go to concerts….ours and Backstreet Boys. I just put the information together.”
“You could have asked,” she said softly.
“I figured if you had wanted me to know his name, you would have told me the other night.”
“It was my fault.”
“No, Jesse, it wasn’t. He took advantage of you being a fan. He knew the possible consequences of having sex with you, especially if he didn’t use protection.”
“But I knew he was married.”
“Jess, our fans know Jon is married too but it doesn’t stop them from coming on to him. A married man has a choice to make…he can either be faithful to his wife or he can give in to temptation. If he’s truly in love with his wife, he’ll remain faithful. And if he chooses to be unfaithful, then he needs to be a man and face the consequences. In my opinion, Kevin is an ass for walking away from Stevie. That’s his son that he helped create. He should spend time with him and to hell with his image.”
Jesse had tears in her eyes as she asked, “If you think Kevin’s an ass, what do you think of me for having sex with him?”
“You were an innocent fan who was excited to be with one of her idols. Jesse, he took advantage of you being a fan. I could have easily used the fact that I’m your favorite to get you in bed but I don’t play that game.”
Jesse was silent, remembering that night with Kevin.
Richie glanced over and saw her tears. “He forced himself on you, didn’t he?”
“Kevin
liked me…he said I wasn’t like other fans.”
“You aren’t,” agreed Richie. “Did he force himself on you?”
“He even told me that if he wasn’t married, he’d have wanted to date me.”
“But he WAS married!” Richie reached up and wiped her tears. “Jessica, I need to know if he forced himself on you.”
“I said ‘no’…because I was scared but I never really tried to stop him. If he’d been sober, he wouldn’t have kept pushing. I let him undress me and I…I helped him get undressed. He told me that I was a tease…flirting with him…telling him ‘no’ but still letting him undress me. I shouldn’t have put myself in that situation.”
“Jesse, you aren’t to blame.” Hearing her choke back a sob, he let go of her hand and reached up to pull her closer to him. Without taking his eyes off the road, he pressed a kiss into her hair. “I’m sorry, Jesse. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s okay. I…I just…haven’t ever really…”
“Forgiven yourself? That’s why you don’t go out any more or why you weren’t really looking for any of us on Monday. Jesse, you could have easily found where we stayed knowing what you do about bands. I’m sure your dad shared all of that with you.”
“He did,” she said, tears in her voice.
Richie looked at her. She was clearly upset and knowing what he really needed to tell her was going to upset her, he considered holding off but then decided he might as well get it over with. He really hated her tears and didn’t want to have to go through this again. “Jesse, I need to tell you something.”
“About Kevin?”
“No, Stevie. Last night, when I tucked Stevie into bed, he asked me if I was going to be his father. I asked him why and he told me that he wasn’t like his classmates…they knew their dads and got to spend time with them. He also told me that the older kids were calling him a bastard.”
Jesse felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. She’d never thought about that being a problem. She’d always provided Stevie with the best and Kevin always gave her extra for Christmas and his birthday but she wasn’t his father and she couldn’t change the fact that she wasn’t married to Kevin. Then, there was the whole agreement that she had to consider.
“Tell me the arrangements Kevin set up,” prompted Richie.
“Kevin pays me fourteen hundred a month for child support; he pays the tuition; and he pays all the medical bills…including when I gave birth. On my part, I have to claim the money he sends me and I can claim Stevie on my taxes. I can’t go to the press to tell them who Stevie’s father is and I can’t tell Stevie until he’s 18. I also couldn’t use any part of Kevin’s name when I named him.”
“Richard…Richardson? What did he say to that?”
“His lawyers said ‘no’ but Kevin told them to let it go. He also sends me an extra two thousand at Christmas and an extra six hundred for Stevie’s birthday. He really isn’t as big an ass as you think.”
“That’s your opinion. From a man’s standpoint, Kevin’s a coward walking away from his responsibility.”
“He’s supporting Stevie,” she insisted.
“Financially, yes, but not emotionally. You can’t change the fact that you two aren’t married but he could still be there for Stevie, the way a father should be…to talk to him when he’s called bad names, to play ball with him, to hold him when he’s sick. Jesse, don’t get me wrong. I think you’re doing a damn fine job raising Stevie but you aren’t his father and you’re wearing yourself out.” He glanced over at her and saw the tears still falling. “Come on, Jess…talk to me. What still has you upset?”
“I can’t change the situation, Richie. I can’t give Stevie his father.”
“But you can’t continue to punish yourself for the situation.”
“What do I do then?"
Richie gave her shoulder a tender squeeze. “Relax. It will work out. Let your heart have a say from now on.”
“My heart got me into trouble once before.”
“No, it got broken but it didn’t get you in trouble, and it’s not going to happen this time. What is your heart telling you to do?”
“To trust you.”
“What does your head tell you?”
“The same thing.”
“You do know that we could very easily run into Kevin?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“And he’ll be with his wife?”
“Richie, I’m over Kevin…I have been for some time. What about Heather?”
“I have a good relationship with her because of Ava.” Richie waited a minute, then continued, “Jessica, I want you in my life…and Stevie…for as long as you’ll have me. I also want to adopt Stevie, make him my son. I promise to be the best father to him I can possibly be. I won’t be able to be at all of his events…because of touring…but I’ll be at as many as I possibly can.”
“You’re serious?”
“Very! You’re going to have to tell Kevin and he's going to have to give up his rights to Stevie.”
“He’ll never agree.”
“Why the hell not?” asked Richie, the first sign of real anger coming out in his voice. “He won’t let you tell Stevie who his father is until he’s 18 and he doesn’t have any contact with him NOW. Why should he even care? I’m offering to take over ALL responsibilities for Stevie…as well as the heat from the press because I don't give a damn who knows I have a son by you.”
“What if we don’t work out?”
“I’ll still be his father. I’m willingly taking this responsibility…I’m not going to walk out on it.”
“Why?”
“Because Stevie needs a father."
“Richie, this is a huge decision.”
“Yeah, it is so take your time and think it over.”
“I don’t need to think it over. I know my answer but I want to wait a little while…before I tell Stevie or Kevin.”
“What about the situation at school?”
“We can deal with it tomorrow.”
“You and me?”
“Yes, you and me…as a couple.” As Richie pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot, she said, “Richie, I don’t want to lie to Stevie. When he’s old enough, I want to tell him everything.”
“That’s fine.”
“You do realize he’ll be….”
“A junior? Yeah, I do,” smiled Richie as he turned the car off. He turned to her. “Jessica…”
She cut him off with a kiss, her hand on his chest. Against his lips, she whispered, “I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me.”
