A/N: I shouldn't write when someone is sitting behind me eating peanut butter sandwiches. Lol
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He's doing it again. Making those sounds when he eats. Driving me fucking well crazy, it is. I can't stand it.

Should go over there and shove that damn sandwich straight down his throat. Choke him on it. How the hell did I end up in this mess anyway?

Oh. Right. I went and fell for the little bugger! Stupid sod that I am. Getting involved with your food is stupid.

Angelus told me so, did I listen? Well, until this soddin' chip I did, but after? No. I had to get to know them, interact with them and for fuck's sake fall in love with one of them.

AAARRRGGG! The lip smacking, tongue-stuck-to-the-roof-of-your-mouth, sticky-wet sounds are killing me!

I can't plug my ears or he'll know something is wrong, I can't leave - it's daytime, and I can't choke the bugger cause of this stupid fucking CHIP!

Bugger fucking bleedin' hell! My head hurts. God damn stupid fucking chip! Can't even go insane without it zapping me. I don't REALLY want to kill my Xan-pet. I just want him hurry the FUCK UP and eat that God damn sandwich! And Then I'm gonna make him brush every trace of that disgusting peanut butter out of his teeth before I shag him stupid! I gotta work this frustration off somehow.

I should throw away the sodding jar of peanut butter. That would work, for a day or two. He lives on the shit! Wouldn't be so bad if he didn't make those awful fucking noises when he eats it! I can hear it over the telly. I swear I hear it in my sleep sometimes, I wake up and I KNOW he was eating just before I woke. I can smell it in the air, and I know that's what woke me. Those sounds! Can't do a thing about it though, I wish I could. I'd ram so much God damn peanut butter and jelly down his soddin' throat he'd never touch the stuff again.

Christ on a cross! I've met fledglings that didn't make that much noise on their first kill! I may love the little blighter but I swear to all that's unholy I'm gonna tear his throat out, chip or not, if he doesn't finish soon.

How long does it take to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I'm gonna cry, I swear to fucking Satan I'm gonna cry. My head is splitting in two, I can't help it. I just want the torture to stop. I'll do anything! Please please just make it stop. I'm two seconds away from killing him, chip be damned. I should get out of this, is it really worth it? Why do I stay?

"Spike? Are you okay love, you don't look so good?"

"Head hurts Xan."

"Come here, let me rub your temples. You should try not to think bad things, it only hurts you. I hate it when you hurt. Let me make you feel better?"

Ah, soothing. My Xan-pet has such a gentle touch. He takes good care of me, he does. I remember now why I stay.

He loves me, and as long as I can remember that, I won't kill him for making those damn noises. The big picture here is that we're good together. We have a lot in common, and we're in love. But sometimes, the little things, like noisy eating habits can make you forget the big picture.