Alex could now admit to himself that he had always found Spike to be somewhat attractive, not that he would have ever, under any circumstances, wanted to have any sort of relationship with him. Spike was not his type. Too callous, and hello? Evil. But Wil wasn't Spike, was he?

"So Spike is gone?"

"Not gone per se, dormant. He is lost to me, I cannot reach him but he is still there."

"Does it bother you that he seems to be .... damaged?"

"Very much so. He was all I had for the first couple years. His memories were what allowed me to function in this strange new world. I grew to understand him, his existence, why he was the way he was. A lot of it was due to my influence on him."

"How?"

"When the demon possesses the body, the memories and personality of the host body are integrated into its being. That is how the demon has knowledge, the ability to pass for human, to read, write, drive a car, etc. Spike remembered being gentle, walked all over, scorned and hurt. I was a bit pathetic when I was alive. A 'wanker' as he called me. Angelus took great pleasure in reminding him how weak he was because of the man I had been. Spike became hard, cruel, a monster in order to survive Angelus. Also to prove his worth, that he was worthy of his Sire's attentions. Dru was the world to him. All he wanted was to prove he was better than Angelus, so she would look at him the she looked at Angelus. He never got what he wanted from her, he was always second best even after Angelus got cursed. He thought he'd gotten his second chance with Buffy, that she would chose him over Angel."

"That's harsh. No wonder he was such a bastard."

"Yes, well. When we learned of her death, he knew it was over for him. He would never be found worthy of love from anyone. His Sire had abandoned him, Buffy had spurned him, he'd left town a broken and bitter demon. He wanted the chip out so he could bury his pain under anger, it was the only real way for him to cope with rejection. He asked the demon to make him the man he once was. He should have known better, demons can rarely be trusted. He had to endure a series of tests, a fight to the death with a flame-fisted humanoid, another fight with a two-headed demon, and then a swarm of beetles invading this body. He passed out, and then I Woke up."

"And you have no memories of what happened between the time you died and when you woke in that cave?"

"No, at first I thought I was in hell. I remembered the demon - Drusilla - draining my blood, and then this heavy feeling. The next thing I know I'm in a dark damp place with a very large, very ugly demon staring down at me."

"What did you do?"

"What else? I screamed my bloody head off!"

Will smiled at Alex and they both cracked up laughing. It was good, they needed a tension breaker.

"So, what did you do before coming to Sunnydale?"

"I wandered. I hunted animals, great fun that was! Ever try to catch a wild boar? Not easy."

"Nope, but I ate a live pig once, it was in a cage. I was possessed at the time." "You'll have to tell about that sometime. I bet it's an interesting story." "You have no idea. Buffy didn't find it so interesting though. But that can wait, I want to hear about you and Spike." "Alright. Where was I then? Oh right, wandering. Well, I spent about two years wandering around. I stayed in Africa for the first year, then Spike convinced me to go to the states. It made sense, I could get blood a lot easier in here. He tried to talk me into going to Angel, but I refused. There was no way I was taking any chances on Angelus knowing of my existence. As I understand it, his soul isn't permanent and he has already lost it twice. Is this correct?"

"Big yep on that one. Angelus is soooo not someone I want to meet up with again. Especially in my current condition."

"About that, I was wondering what exactly Willow cursed you with. If you don't mind me asking."

"Not at all. You keep my secret and I'll keep yours, deal?"

"Deal."

"I can't die. Well yeah, I can. I can't stay dead is more appropriate. I have, embarrassingly, died quite a few times. I just keep waking up. I also have the gift of terrible loneliness, I'm forced to seek company, make friends. Then, I get to watch them die. Lucky me huh?"

Wil didn't know what to say. He was stunned by this, all of the demons memories of Willow were of a sweet, shy girl who was extremely protective of her friends. He knew about her magic addiction but never thought she had it in her to be cruel. It was very distressing. He felt awful for Alex. He could understand why he wouldn't want Angelus to know of his condition, he would be most likely tortured and killed every night for eternity. Angelus was a sick bastard.

"I'm sorry Alex. I didn't mean to...hurt you?"

"It's okay. At least you're sort of in the same boat. Being immortal and all."

"I guess I am at that.

"So, there's no clause to your soul? You won't be lost if you ah...get a happy?"

"No, no clause. As I said, Spike was gifted with a soul - me - not cursed. I'm here to stay."

"Good to know. Not that I'm glad Spike is gone, I will miss him, I guess. But I'm glad that I have a chance to get to know you, Wil. I really like you, a lot."

Alex placed his palm on the side of Wils' face and then slowly brought their mouths together in a soft sweet kiss. Wils' hand came up and cupped the back of Alex' head and deepened the kiss slightly. When they parted, Alex smiled at Wil and stood up. He offered his hand to the shy vampire and grinned when he took it. They began walking toward Wils' shop.