Buffy Stuff

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Layout © mistymidnight
[with Namo Web Editor Six]
Header image © mistymidnight
Images courtesy of the
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We join the lovely Anya as she writes her demon and shopkeeper memoirs. Watch her as she types out her life's story for you.

INTRODUCTION

Hello, dear reader, and welcome to the autobiography of Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins, twice former demon and successful shop keeper.
I was born about 980 AD. Yes, that's 980, you moron. I don't remember my exact birthday...it was so long ago. Plus with interdimensional travel, I'm not quite sure of time and age and...well, anyway, after my "boyfriend", Olaf, cheated on me, I turned him into a troll. A demon, D'Hoffryn, was so impressed with that little bit of magic that I was offered a job as a vengeance demon. Of course, I accepted. How else would I look this young after 1120 years?

Anyway, this was a good gig for me. Sure, there was no money involoved, but the immortality and power was pretty great.

After one of my 'clients', Cordelia, wished that Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale, Giles, my fellow shop-keeper, though not at the time, broke the amulet that held my power. I tried to get it back, but nothing would work.

That's how I got into shopkeeping. After a year or so of just sitting around and occasionally helping the Scoobies (that's what the Slayer's friends call themselves...no wait, did I mention Buffy was the Slayer? I'm getting ahead of myself. Well, she is. The Slayer. Willow's a witch and so was Tara, Spike's a vampire, Giles was Buffy's Watcher, and Xander's normal. If you don't know the whole Slayer mythology, I'm not going to explain it to you. This is my memoirs, not a Tribute To Buffy.) and averting a few apocalypses, I helped Giles run the magic shop he had bought, The Magic Box. He eventually hired me, which was EXTREMELY good judgement on his part, and when he went back to England after Buffy bit the dust, I got control of the shop. THen we resurrected Buffy and Giles came back. I was a lowly co-owner once again. Then he left. Yeah, I know, Indian giver, huh? (I don't really understand where that expression came from, I wasn't in North America during the whole age of the 'Native Americans'. I think I was in China...or possibly the Land Of Perpetual Wednesday...)

I was so happy. Xander and I were engaged to be married, I had complete control of the shop and all the money in it (three cheers for money!) and the biggest threat was a trio of some nerdy villain wannabes. Life was good.

Then Xander called off the wedding. On the actual day of. He just left me at the altar. I went on the rebound with Spike, which I actually regret, and deeply, too. But I took back the vengeance demon gig. I couldn't take revenge on Xander, though, because the job of a vengeance demon is to serve others, kind of like community service. And they say vengeance demons are evil!

Then Warren, leader of The Nerds, shot Buffy and Tara. Buffy survived, but Tara didn't. This took Willow to the dark side.

This was quite enough heartbreak and tragedy for me, thank you very much, but I forgot something very important. If there's one thing I've learned in all my years of dealing wit the supernatural, it this: Bad things come in threes. The Un-Wedding was one, Tara, Willow, and Buffy were two, so what was three? Well, I'll tell you:

WIILOW WRECKED MY SHOP!!!

Yeah, Miss High and Grieving Mighty came through and tore the place apart. Don't get me wrong, I was devastated over Tara, but I don't go around ruining people's hard-earned property over it! And it's not my fault Tara died! So why wreck my shop? Sure, Warren doesn't actually own a shop she could have destroyed instead, but she could have leveled Nerd Central (aka their "lair") instead of the Magic Box!

And then Xander saved her--and the world. I'll never admit it while I'm alive, but I'm proud of him.

Which is kinda why I'm writing this. It's May 4, 2003. The First is getting stronger and more scary every day. And in case I don't survive the battle, I want to be remembered. So I'm saving this onto a floppy disk and putting it in the outside pocket of Willow's magic bag, just so it isn't forgotten. Willow and I are on better terms now.

Well, this year was quite a year for me. I gave up my demon powers, but my friend Halfrek died as a sacrifice. That was devastating. I've used the word 'devastating' a lot, haven't I? That should give you a picture of what my life is like.

Then I robbed a bank, but it wasn't my fault, I swear! I was under a spell!

I've been hanging out with Andrew, the surviving Nerd, because it seems like he's the only one who appreciates me these days. Everyone else is just like, "Oh, it's Anya. Please move, Anya. We're doing something very important that in no way involves you."

I'll show them. I'll save them all single-handedly and they'll all say, "Oh, thank you, Great Anya!" We're sorry we ever doubted you.

That would be cool...