Creeping ever so quietly, I snuck into the bathroom, peeling Vegeta’s clothes off and turning on the shower, the water temperature as hot as it could go. I needed to free myself of his scent, of his sweat and his body. I needed to be rid of the filthy, beautiful sin that I had committed, unable to even BELIEVE that I had not only done the unthinkable once, but twice now.
Where had I gone wrong?! I nearly screamed, sliding the shower door shut as I began my ritual self loathing. Surely it wasn’t me that had delved so deeply into this sin. Surely it wasn’t the hero that had willingly and knowingly waltzed into that mansion, no real intent to end the crime he had committed, but instead, ready to do it all again.
Ah, but wallowing in self denial never helped. Not even then, when I told myself that there was simply no way it was me doing this. No, like I’ve said a thousand times, I wanted that pure, sweet justification. That smooth ideal that it certainly wasn’t my fault that this had occurred. No, I’d never invited this! Vegeta snuck into that shower with me! He knew what he’d do. Not I!
But even as I insisted, even as I promised myself it wouldn’t happen again, I knew it was a lie. It was like trying to promise that Sin wouldn’t strike again. There was simply no way to put an end to something I didn’t truly have control over. If Vegeta wanted it, no matter how hard I put my mind against it, it would happen. My body ached for it even now and I had to grit my teeth when I masturbated, my breathing becoming sporadic as I pumped hard and fierce, much more violently then I ever had.
I was oversexed, that was for sure. Never before now had I ever needed to release myself this often. Never before had I even spent more than a split second even meditating on sex, but now? It was the subject of my every thought. It was like a virus, the dwindling kind that stay with you for months, plaguing your body with sickness and disease. But these thoughts were like a constant battle, always there, even when I trained or ate my food.
The water became unbearably hot and I sank down into a crouched position on the ground, my arms wrapped around my knees as I breathed in the choking steam. I was better than this. I was stronger than this. I was Goku, the hero of the universe. The man that had saved every living life form from the monster Frieza, the man that single handedly brought down his goons and ended forever his reign of tyranny.
And I was Goku, the man that couldn’t stop Sin, the man that everyone depended on who couldn’t even control his own sexual desires. If I couldn’t defeat this infatuation with Vegeta, how would I ever find the courage it took to destroy Sin? But worse yet came the fear that there was no stopping Sin. Or more specifically, that I was Sin.
I dried off, tiptoeing back into my room, Chi Chi snoring obscenely loud beneath the heavy covers, a small tuft of her hair poking out. I longed to see Gohan, to talk to him, as it seemed forever since I had. My longing soon took over all other thoughts and I cursed myself for not being with him as much as I ought to have been lately.
Surely he had learned of Sin, from the T.V., from Krillin, from Picolo. Here the entire world was caped in fear and his father, the one meant to protect him from it, was out fucking around with his enemy. Literally! It was unthinkable. Picolo once told me that I was an irresponsible father, and though I’d blinked away such a title at the time, the words stung me more than any hurtful criticism I’ve ever received.
Neglectful, he had said. Accusing me of loving battle more than my family, obsessed with being stronger to the point of ludicy.
“Where are you when your son cries Goku?” he had spat, when I came back from outer space after my battle with Frieza. “Where were you throughout a year that your son feared for you the most? Not a word. Not a word would you have sent had it not been for the dragon. A year of your only son’s life and you are missing it even as we speak. It’s irresponsible Goku, even for you. Don’t you see how much it hurts him?”
I had just looked at him with indifference, putting on my “Goku” face and insisting that Gohan would be perfectly fine. It was then that he said the most shocking words I was yet to hear from him.
“Don’t you get it Goku?” he said in a quiet voice. “I know your son more than you do.”
Since that time I had endeavored to prove him wrong, taking my son with me more and more often, in love with the fact that I was still his hero and he was the only one in the world that didn’t believe I was a complete idiot. I was like his shining star, the beacon he could put utter faith in. Like a God.
And now that time was changing yet again, and yes, out of negligence I was leaving him behind more and more. My rendezvous with Vegeta and my sadistic training schedule kept me from paying even the most mediocre attention and as I lay in bed, I felt even more guilt than I figured any man could endure.
So many things to feel bad about.
I drifted off to heavenly sleep, my escapades with the pessimistic Vegeta leaving me drained of all energy, my body aching with the need for sleep.
I dreamed I was walking through a house, my hands out before me as I nonchalantly knocked objects onto the floor. Large cabinets and shelves stood along my sides, and like a child, I would reach out to touch everything I saw, knocking over lamps, candle stands, flower vases.
I moved like a drunk into the kitchen, the walls a powdery shade of blue from the increasing light coming from the kitchen window, the sun beginning to creep over the mountains. A beautiful china cabinet stood next to the dining room table and I could feel the excitement mounting as I creaked open the doors, beholding through the fog a gorgeous array of shining wine glasses and sparkling porcelain.
Without a thought, without any fear of consequences, I began to dash the beautiful objects to pieces, shattering glasses and plates all over the floor. And though I felt no pain at all, I noticed the blood beginning to leak out of my feet, as I walked over the shards of porcelain and glass, the little pieces sticking into my skin as I gaily dumped the entire cabinet over, the wood splintering against the rock-hard tile flooring.
And then I saw Chi Chi’s face over me, her dark eyes sparkling with the sunlight beaming against them, before she whacked me along side the head to “get up” and “get going” for breakfast was ready. I stretched my arms over my head, thankful it was all a dream, and a murder free one at that. My knees cracked as I stretched them, my toes pushing against the thick bedspread.
And I yelped in pain, seeing the red stain leak into the white down covering. Unable to comprehend, unable to believe, I tossed off the covers, Chi Chi shrieking at the sight, my toes dripping with blood and large pieces of porcelain stuck into the underside of my feet.
“No.” I said…. All I could say. “No.”
“Doctor, this is outrageousness! My husband not only coughs up blood but now! NOW he somehow manages to walk in his sleep to GOD knows where and you’re going to tell me there’s nothing WRONG WITH HIM?!”
I had to strive hard not to cover my ears at her fierce tone, her face draining of color as she shrieked.
“What’s NOT wrong with him is what I want to know!” she growled, slamming her hand against a nearby counter top. “The man sleeps later than he’s EVER, he trains until he can barely drag himself home, he’s completely abandoned any kind of social life except for to waltz around town with his,” her eyes darted over at me. “his APPARENT new best friend Vegeta.”
The doctor took off his spectacles and rubbed them with his white shirt, obviously frustrated by my irrational wife.
“The guy has the IQ of my six year old son, he eats like a bear, COMPLETELY ignores me!”
She went on and on, degrading me, insulting me, as if I wasn’t even there in the room, sitting on an uncomfortable chair and despising every demeaning little statement she spat, completely oblivious to the fact that I actually had…….. hmm…… a comprehension of what she was saying. It was like she was speaking around a toddler, and instead of saying the actual words to another adult, she was spelling them so that the child wouldn’t get the concept.
Only, I did.
The doctor glanced over towards me, catching my eyes briefly as I propped my feet on his tiny stool. He nodded ever so slightly while Chi Chi continued, as if insuring me that he KNEW the reasons for my absence of her lately. Who wouldn’t? The woman could be an absolute bitch.
“Look,” he said irritatedly. “I’ll remove the glass but I’m telling you, your husband is fine. If you think that there’s so much wrong with him, take him to a specialist.”
“But-..”
“Ma’am,” he sighed. “do you have any idea how many cases like this there are? How many people seem to be suffering from illness they’ve never experienced prior to Sin? Do you realize how booked hospitals and doctor’s offices are? People are FLOCKING to them with the most mundane symptoms because they’re scared. Stress, depression, fear. Any one of those can cause side effects like your husband’s here. If you don’t like my opinion, for God’s SAKES go to another doctor! But please ma’am, calm down and be reasonable. We’re all having a hard time lately.”
“Oh!” Chi Chi threw her hands into the air. “Forgive me for being concerned about my husband! How thoughtless I’ve been, and here, oh, my poor selfless doctor has problems. You don’t know what its like to live with this man!” she shrieked.
“Miss,” the doctor stood up straight, looking down almost threateningly at Chi Chi. I almost thought I might have to get between them in a moment. “my house just got broken into last night by some destructive hoodlum kids, too bored to do anything with themselves. My patience is extremely thin and if you don’t calm yourself, I’m going to ask you both to leave, feet as they are.”
“No!” I said quickly, interrupting Chi Chi before she opened her big mouth. “No, I’m sorry. It’s my fault. Things have been….. tense at home and I’d very much appreciate it if you could get this glass out of my feet.”
The doctor looked sternly over at Chi Chi before propping my feet a little higher on the table, causing me to lay backwards as he began gathering the equipment needed. Please God, anything but a needle. The pain? Well, there was enough pain as it was, what with Chi Chi’s horrendous mouth and a couple slabs of glass hanging out of my feet. But again I said to myself that anything would be tolerable as long as it wasn’t a needle. I hate shots.
Of course, those who know me already established that a while ago. But for a reason? I can give none. A wise person once said that we all have our dirty little habits. I think the same goes for our phobias. Sometimes others cant understand them, but for some reason, they become our greatest imaginable fear. And needles? Well, they were mine.
Holding a sort of tweezers between his fingers, the doctor began to pick glass out of my feet, causing me to wince in pain, holding my breath and closing my eyes as he did it. Pick, pick, pick, pick. It was horrible.
But nothing so horrible as his face as I looked up finally, his fingers holding a bloody piece of glass as he studied it, turning it this way and that.
“Mr. Goku,” he said thoughtfully, examining the gory piece. “just where did you go last night?”
I shook my head, unable to explain to him that my dreams and my ability to fly could take me to any imaginable place in the world. The analogy “needle in a haystack” couldn’t even compare.
He pushed his glasses up onto his nose, staring over them at me.
“Funny,” he said coldly. “but I could swear this is my wife’s favorite china embedded into your foot Mr. Goku. Care to explain?”
“The NERVE of that asshole!” Roared Chi Chi during the drive home, my feet bandaged in thick white gauze. “First treating ME like some sort of uncontrollable maniac and then, if that’s not enough, accusing YOU of breaking into his house and destroying his stuff! Unbelievable! Completely unbelievable!”
“Well,” I countered. “it was one hell of a coincidence, don’t you think? Plus, he didn’t really ACCUSE me…. more, asked me. I don’t think he meant it meanly.”
“Oh Goku,” Chi Chi growled, rolling her eyes and turning the corner into our driveway. “You’re so naive sometimes. It makes me sick.”
I hobbled inside of the house, half levitating, half stumbling to the couch, almost plopping right on Gohan as he sat, perched in front of the T.V. Scenes of mass destruction lay before me on the medium sized screen, a march of men wearing sheets with holes in the eyes and pointed hats crowding on a street. They were carrying blurred out picket signs and screaming obscenities at the crowds that stood on either side, being held back by hordes of police men with big plastic shields.
The camera was shaky as it focused on what seemed to be the leader of the group which proudly called themselves the KKK, the man hidden behind his white sheet.
He was speaking of ethnic cleansing, of destroying and murdering people of other races to cleanse the world of Sin.
“Hell is calling for its minions!” he was screaming like a maniac, his eyes blazing wildly behind the holes. “The Devil wants his children back! Kill the coloreds and Sin will disappear!”
I clenched my teeth, an unspeakable anger jumping into my body until I was absolutely shaking with it. I tried to swallow down the hatred, tried to bite back the impulse to fly to that exact spot and strangle the bastard right in his mother’s sheets. I couldn’t let anger at incompetence consume me and my jaw began to hurt as I ground my teeth together.
“There’s a reason that man wears a mask over his face,” I whispered, hearing the madness in my own voice. “Coward.”
Gohan just looked over at me, indifference on his face as he turned back, just watching the insanity the television played out like a movie. The crowds became crazed, plunging at the concealed bastards, tearing at their pin heads and sheets. The police were trampled beneath the rising mob, the members of the once proud KKK fleeing like mischievous juveniles, showing their true cowardice. Oh, how proud they were now! How strong and trustworthy of their message as they fled the scene, screaming like women as they were brought down on their knees and beaten to death.
Kill them, I said to myself. Kill them all.
I choked as I realized my own thinking, nearly jumping to my feet before acknowledging the pain it would cause me.
“Gohan,” I said, turning to him as he watched straight faced. “Gohan, turn this off.”
He ignored me completely, watching as if he hadn’t heard a word from my mouth, the camera now showing nothing more than spattering blood as the camera crew escaped through the madness, the police using tear gas to stop the raging crowds, beating men and women off the mangled bodies of the former members. In the effort to stop hatred, they had committed it. How sad that they hadn’t learned that you could never end violence by causing it. You can’t fight war with war.
“Gohan,” I repeated sternly. “I said turn it off.”
His face finally turned towards me, his eyes looking hauntingly blank.
“No,” he said simply. “I want to watch.”
I was so shocked that he’d disobeyed me that I remained quiet for a moment, watching with horrified eyes as the camera man was brought down and beaten for no apparent reason. The camera now showed nothing more than bloody bodies and running feet, screams and sobs heard all around. I became desperate, turning towards Gohan.
“Didn’t you hear me?!” I all but screamed. “I said turn it off damn it! Gohan!”
At a disturbingly slow pace, he turned his head towards me, eyes dull as he smiled.
“Sure dad.”
I jumped as he hurled the remote control directly at the T.V, glass bursting, wires sparking and smoke rising from the busted screen. Chi Chi screamed, running out into the living room, eyes wide as she beheld the scene of a laughing Gohan and a recoiling Goku. I can’t even imagine what my faced looked like. A mixture of horror and anger, I just sat in silence, listening to him laugh, in complete shock and denial of what my quiet and withdrawn son had just done.
I said absolutely nothing as he got up, walking straight passed Chi Chi and waltzing carefree out the door. I swallowed hard, catching sight of a glistening ring curled around his tiny finger. A gift from Vegeta. The Kiss of Hell.
“I meant to tell you,” Chi Chi whispered quietly, her lips quivering as she tried not to cry. “he hasn’t been himself lately.”
I painfully got up, walking on the sides of my feet towards her, wrapping my arms over her tiny shoulders as she cried.
“Goku,” She sobbed. “Where have you been lately?! You haven’t even seen the way he’s been acting. Yesterday,” she blubbered. “Yesterday I told him to do his homework, you know, just like I always do and…..”
“Its alright Chi Chi,” I comforted, rubbing her back, still in shock at what had just happened.
“No but….. He just grabbed the book right out of my hand Goku! Almost violently. And then he tore every single sheet right out! Right in front of my eyes, just tore them to shreds and threw them at me. And when I grabbed him by the shoulder and asked him to explain himself, you know what he said to me?!”
She pulled back, her nose bright red and her eyes soaked in tears.
“You know what he said?!” she repeated. “He said, ‘bite me bitch’! Right to my face!”
I looked hard at Chi Chi, my lips twitching to the side as I made a point of all this. I just stared at her long and hard before snorting, bursting into laughter so great, I almost fell over on the floor.
“Bite me bitch?!” I hollered, grabbing the counter for stability. “Oh my God!” I bawled in laughter. “Oh my God….… that’s great!”
She wasn’t quite as amused as I was, crossing her arms and glaring at me while I almost buckled over in my fit.
“Our six year old son!” I choked, wiping my eyes. “My God! Bite me bitch! Ahahahaha!”
Chi Chi made her jaw extremely hard before cracking a small smile, shaking her head as she chuckled. Soon she was joining me, laughing at this ridiculously UNfunny predicament, her hands on the counter as we simply bawled it out.
“PHEW!” I gasped. “And I thought YOU needed anger management! SWEET JESUS!”
“Oh!” She hmphed, still doubled over. “Oh right! You KNOW where he gets this from don’t you!? You and your brain dead, muscle bound minions that’s where! Oh, instead of simply settling our disputes, we’ll just follow the old code ‘beat it till it stops talking’!”
“OH PLEASE!” I laughed. “You can NOT pin this on me! You were about to have it out with the doctor for God’s sake! I thought any minute you’d grab my whole foot and stab em’ with it!”
We shared a fresh bout’ of laughter, sliding to the floor and holding our stomachs at the very idea of little Chi Chi swinging her husband like a club at an unsuspecting doctor.
“Bite me bitch.” I chuckled, wiping the corner of my eye. “Phew…. That’s a good one. Wonder what would happen if I ever used that.”
“Well,” shrugged Chi Chi with a smile. “Let’s just say you wouldn’t have to worry about all that glass in your feet, cuz by the time I was through, you sure as hell wouldn’t be able to walk again.”
We giggled warmly, Chi Chi shaking her head as I wrapped my arm around her.
“That’s my girl.” I sighed, laying my head back against the counter.
A knock at the door startled us, Chi Chi rising to get it immediately as I simply struggled to rise. My insides warmed at the sound of Bulma’s bubbly voice, her arms around Chi Chi as I arrived at the scene. Ah, my old friend and first crush. If there was anything you could really fall in love with about Bulma, it was really just her presence. The moment she walked into a room, it seemed like a light turned on and all eyes had to take her in. Maybe it was her exceptional beauty because, well, lets face it, she was exceptional. Or maybe just her positive aura, the fact that she never saw the negative side of things but always relied on the positive to see her through. Or maybe it was her blue hair! Who knows?! Either way, I let out a sigh just looking her smiling face, in great anticipation of holding her in my own arms in a long awaited hug.
It was then, as I greeted her warmly, opening my arms to receive her that Vegeta’s dark force pushed open the door, his head down as he smirked wickedly at me. I held Bulma probably a little too tight, my insides frozen as he just looked at me, almost possessively as I touched Bulma. Not possessive or protective of me, but of Bulma. Like I was intruding or threatening his property. I could sense a sort of animosity swarming off his body as he took in every part of my skin that was touching her, his lips forming that chilling sneer. It was almost like the air was thick with it or something.
“Oh, Goku!” Bulma was sighing. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“Indeed Kakarot,” Vegeta breathed almost sexually, shadows around his eyes enhancing the threatening glare. “Long time no see.”
His eyes slid down my body as I backed away from Bulma, his stare lingering a little too long on my……. ahem, regions, before his eyebrow arched at my bandaged feet.
“New shoes, Kakarot?” He smiled. “Or are we making a statement?”
I rolled my eyes, smirking back at him though inside I was almost falling apart at the seams.
“So what brings you two here,” I asked courteously, smiling a very “Goku” smile. I think Vegeta caught it, nodding his head ever so slightly as if to say “good job smart ass”.
Bulma was, of course, the one to answer, standing a little closer to Vegeta than was a “friend” distance, my inner man-bitch sensing every time their arms bumped together.
“Oh, we were actually just in the neighborhood really. Vegeta insisted on showing me his new Lamborghini Diablo, and the roads out here are great for really clocking it up there. Very few cops, you know.”
Chi Chi poked her head out the door, making a whistling noise at the sight of Vegeta’s brand new toy, a shinning black piece of metal that simply oozed with well-to-do-ness. Complete with the license plate reading “Bad Ass”.
“A Lamborghini, huh?” she replied. “I’m impressed Vegeta. Just how do you afford it?! My God! You must really have a great job or something.”
“Well,” Vegeta closed his eyes arrogantly. “I have my……” He opened them at me. “Talents you could say.”
Chi Chi remained quiet for a moment, looking just a little uncomfortable for a second.
“I’m sure.” She said quietly before darting her eyes over towards me. “Its good to know SOMEONE has a job around here! Say Goku, why don’t WE have a Lamborghini! You’d swear the guy has nothing going for him but fighting knowledge…….”
Ah, so now we were back in insult mode. Very nice. Thank you Chi Chi my adoring wife. I sat back mutely while she droned on and on to our uncomfortable audience about my lack of skills or jobs. Vegeta’s eyes rarely left me, as if laughing at my predicament. His cold statements about my wife came back as she continued, making me hate her more and more with each word.
“So Goku,” Bulma cut in, as if sensing my distaste for this topic. “You look…..” She cocked her head to the side. “Well, you look terrible to be honest. Have you been getting enough sleep?”
“Oh has he!” Chi Chi answered for me of course, jumping at the chance to publicly degrade me further. “You wouldn’t believe how late this guy sleeps! He’s like a New York bum in the morning! You couldn’t get him off his bench! And don’t even get me started on the dreams this guy has. The sounds he makes!”
I blushed as Vegeta smirked even more at this, winking at me when the women weren’t paying attention.
“And you Vegeta!” She suddenly said, pointing at him. “The hours he stays out with you! Bulma, you’d swear the two were married!”
My eyes became big and I saw Vegeta on the verge of actually laughing at this one. I pleaded with him inwardly not to make a comment, but of course, being his uncouth self he smirked all the wider, laughing devilishly at me.
“Oh but you’d be surprised my dear,” he chuckled. “You’d be surprised.”
His eyes turned to Chi Chi as she smiled, walking towards her into the house. Bulma followed kindly, glancing almost shyly into my eyes before following Vegeta like a puppy on the heels of its master. I felt a lump form in my throat at the sight of Vegeta towering over Chi Chi, his eyes upon her almost seductively as he told her how much prettier she’d grown since he last saw her.
Bulma looked almost pale as he continued this uncharacteristic flattery of my “wretched hound” of a wife, insisting that she’d grown only younger in his absence. Telling her how soft her hair looked, how her face reminded him of a Botticelli Angel. I bit my bottom lip as Chi Chi stared up into his eyes, swallowing hard and blushing profusely. This wasn’t like him! Since when he had grown so suave and charming? Since when had he developed a personality? Or more importantly, since when did he even give my wife the time of day? He had despised her since the moment he first met her as far as I knew and as I stared at them, my protective instincts insisted that any minute he just might kiss her then and there.
Was he playing with me or something?
“The real reason we came,” Bulma cut in, her tone slightly peevish. “Was to invite you both to a grill we’re having in a few days.”
Chi Chi popped her head over away from Vegeta, face almost completely red as she tried to shrug off this encounter and pretend it wasn’t the best amount of flattery she’d ever received. Even I had to admit, the man had really dished it but good. Botticelli? What the hell was that?
“Everyone will be there. Bring Gohan along if you want.” She added, relieved that Vegeta and Chi Chi had somewhat relinquished this sudden attachment.
“Oh, somehow I don’t think Gohan will be going along anywhere for a while.” My wife growled, returning to her pessimistic little self, much to my relief. Bulma looked at me as if asking for a reason, one which I had no intention of giving. I just smiled back and, as a best friend would, she read it perfectly, glancing over to Chi Chi for a few last minute gossip stories.
Me and Vegeta remained immune to these, staring at each other blankly, as if we had nothing really to be said between us. He smirked his trademark sneer, crossing his arms and nodding.
“You really ought to come Kakarot.” He said almost warmly. “Certainly wouldn’t be the same without you. And bring that charming little boy of yours too. I’m starting to take something of a liking to your family.”
I wanted to lash out suddenly, to smash him into the wall and scream at him that if he EVER came near my family I’d tear his eyes out of his head with a plastic spork. I wanted to break that beautiful face in half with my fist, to tear his head off with one great pull. To end this little affair we were having. To stop the guilt and depression and fear and madness. And to keep him away from my family.
As if reading my mind, knowing my thoughts, he smiled even wilder, standing up straight and getting in my face.
“I really think I’ll love your family, Kakarot.”
