“So whatdya want done?” She asked in a nasally, irritating voice.
I fidgeted beneath the cover of plastic she’d draped around me, staring at the face that was mine and yet not. Kakarot’s face. I smiled coldly, my purplish lips hard and cold.
“Just make me different.” I said.
Staring at my reflection in a nearby window, I smiled, sifting my fingers through what felt like air. I didn’t even recognize myself. I looked shorter of course, much to my dismay. Rather than appearing an intimidating creature of nearly 6’5, I remained my true stature of 6 feet, my head feeling lighter. She had shaved the sides to less than half an inch, the top about 2 inches at most.
And yet, I saw myself as almost more attractive this way, my face accentuated rather then ignored because of my mangled mane. I looked dignified and kept, my orange uniform the only impediment in this regard. It had to go. I’d never really shopped before. I’d never really needed or cared to. At times Chi Chi would insist that I buy a new suit or a new shirt for certain occasions, but those were few and far between.
Had it not been for Vegeta, I would never have even known where to go, luck alone leading me to the posh little store of Armani. I glanced around at racks and racks of clothes, seeing styles that made me almost delirious in laughter, just imagining myself in them. I tried on suits that fit me like a glove, molded around my muscles so that I could barely move. I tried on some that were too large, falling down around my feet. I had to admit after 45 minutes, I was completely and entirely lost.
Reluctantly, I approached the sales attendant, the same poor woman that Vegeta had run ragged the other day, insisting on a different thousand suits for both of us.
“Mr. Goku,” She smiled brightly. “I thought you’d never come. We’ve been holding them for days now!”
I didn’t stop my mouth from gawking in confusion, a very “Wha?” look pasted on my face. She waved for me to follow, apparently confusing me with someone else as we waltzed into a storage room containing what must have been nearly fifty suits, shirts, pants and even shoes.
“I didn’t know where to put them really,” She was saying. “I hope you’re not angry that they’ve been placed here. I was just beginning to run out of room. The tailor was amazingly fast at completing them to your size and the shoes were sent within the first few hours.”
“Ma’am,” I said, cutting her off. “You must be mistaken. I never ordered any of these. I mean, they’re stunning but I…..” I blushed. “I really couldn’t afford them.”
She shook her head, looking at me seriously for once.
“No,” She breathed. “No mistake. Vegeta said that you would come here eventually and that we should have them done by the time you do. He said for you to pick anything you liked and the rest could be stored away at his mansion. You can’t return them sir, they’ve all been altered to fit your form.”
“But…” I stuttered. “I didn’t choose this! I can’t afford this! How can you make me pay for something I didn’t even-..”
“Sir!” She insisted, looking at me as if I was truly insane, brushing a stray brown hair from her eyes in frustration. “Don’t you know? Vegeta bought them all.”
I didn’t know what he was up to but I was going to find out. Kindly, I had declined the offer of what was probably one hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of clothes, insisting that I had come here to buy and that was what I intended on doing.
“He thought you’d say something like that.” She had winked, crossing her arms and refusing to tend her register. “And he paid me very well NOT to accept your offer. I’m sorry Mr. Goku, but it looks like you’re stuck picking something out or leaving with nothing at all, and uhh,” She lifted an eyebrow at my clothes. “I certainly wouldn’t suggest either one.”
So here I was, walking the busy streets of California, a gorgeous, tight white, long sleeved shirt molding to my every muscle and form shaping brown leather pants covering my legs. Again I say, looking in windows, I barely recognized myself.
No, I was a sophisticated and stunning man, obviously successful in his Italian shoes from God-knows-where, overly priced name brand clothes and a suave haircut to boot. To say that women noticed would be an understatement of the phenomenal sort. Heads turned belonging to men and women, sexy creatures I wouldn’t have even dared to connect eyes with previously, nearly panting as I sauntered by.
Several of them referred to me as “Good God” as I blushed, looking downwards and hurrying by. Women would fan themselves dramatically, squinting their eyes and shaking their heads when I passed. A man or two even turned around to look at my backside, held very firmly with my gorgeous brown leather, whistles of appreciation meeting me everywhere. I’d never felt like I was special when it came to appearance.
I wouldn’t deny that I have a very smooth complexion and a handsome mouth. But suddenly I was a God incarnate, gracing the lesser beings of earth with my aristocratic presence, moving amongst them and yet set very far apart from them. I was isolated in a good way. But then, I had always looked a bit different due to my Saiyan heritage. Our skin was stronger, smoother, less flawed by adolescence. Our eyebrows were thick and yet sculpted like they had been drawn by a painter. Our eyes were impenetrably black and the area outside of them was always darker tinted.
Unlike humans who came in all different classifications of beautiful, Vegeta had long ago explained to me that Saiyan’s attributes were always very sharp and dramatic. If a Saiyan was inherently ugly then he was so unquestionably. But when it came to physical beauty, Saiyan blood could only enhance that, making the shades of the lips darker, making the shape of the eyes more characteristic.
Perhaps that is why my characteristics have always been so noticeable, so obvious. My eyes always seemed too large, my nose so small, my lips so sharp and sculpted. Everything was accentuated to fit my characteristic look. Everything was trademark of me.
And suddenly I loved each one as men and women called me beautiful, precious, immaculate. Always I had connected bad connotations with the words ‘unique’ or ‘different’. And now? I was riling in the fact that I truly was like nothing these creatures had seen before. I was like a rock star, air brushed on the music video screen to look like a God or even a striking devil. I was like those handsome men on movies that were so beautiful, you had to ask yourself what they looked like when the lights of the camera were removed. I glided along the streets, women grabbing my arm to turn me towards them, looking so distraught when I would smile shyly and decline their advances and invitations.
But when I connected eyes with one stranger, my heart sped up in my chest, my hands feeling cold. He looked like an old bum, the kind you might see hanging around gas stations or bus stops, hair a tangled mess of gray straw, face ruddy and worn. But what was worse, much worse indeed, was that he was translucent, his legs and lower body flickering. In shorter words, though I could see him, he wasn’t there.
He seemed to emanate a sort of animosity as he walked too fast towards me, my body going into panic mode as he flashed right through an old women who never showed a bit of recognition. No one else could see him.
The clothes he wore were brown with age, a heavy coat and scarf obviously not the usual California weather gear. He pointed his finger at me as I backed away, suddenly seeing that his eyes were completely black up to the lashes, blood and dirt clotted on his white, grisly beard.
“You can’t hide!” he screamed, though no one else heard his haunting shout. “You’re there! I see you in there!”
He pointed at my chest, his muddy, dirty finger jabbing into my white shirt, leaving traces of blood and stains on the beautiful, once flawless fabric.
“Pretty face, pretty hair, pretty clothes.” He said with malice and disgust.
He grabbed my face, his fingers like five sticks of ice wrapping around my chin as his hot, sour breath burned my eyes. He held me so tightly that I could feel the cold metal of a ring on his pinky finger, digging into my moldable flesh.
“Kakarot……” he breathed, old wrinkled skin twisting with the word
And then I felt him pass right through me like a cold breeze, my heart shuddering as though something had held it still for a moment. People stared at me while I gasped, my hand over my heart as I breathed in panic. I had to calm down. I was close to hyperventilating as I glanced behind me and saw that he was nowhere to be spotted.
And I knew even before I did it, as I moved my hand, there was no spot of dirt and blood on my gorgeous white shirt. Only a dissipating mark from a ring on my cheek.
By the time I reached Mephistopheles Mansion, darkness was just falling over the New Orleans swamps, rich shadows crawling up like living creatures from the murky waters. My booted feet touched the soggy soil, sinking a little with each step. Even at what must have been only 8:00 at night I could already feel the vibration of a pounding bass coming from inside the mansion, the very earth shaking with the sporadic beat.
No bouncer in sight, I snuck inside through the large wooden doors, creeping unnoticed through the pitch black hallways until I reached the main room, sparkling with strobe lights and dancing men, the smell of sex and sweat overpowering as I approached. Like my dreams, these men were beautiful to the extremities that human’s rarely possessed, dancing like caged animals, their skin gleaming in the colorful lights.
I felt something warm and wet splash against my hand, glancing behind me to behold another man on his knees giving a successful oral job to another who had just burst all over his face. My stomach lurched with repulsion as I wiped the seamen off my hand, quickly removing myself from that situation. Everywhere I looked there was sex and meshing skin. Completely naked men in groups pounding away at amazing speeds with each other. The first time had not been anything like this.
It was a mass orgy if ever I had seen one and the ring leader, Vegeta, unaware of my presence sat like a king above them, his hand wrapped around the neck of the gorgeous young man I had seen not long ago talking with Aries. The stunning blonde fop that had so quickly informed Aries that I was in attendance, and now was prey to Vegeta’s forceful, harsh kisses.
An audience was gathering around the two and I could see, the closer I came, that the blonde was in pain, tears streaming down his face as he begged to be let go. So much fear was twisted on his gorgeous features, blood leaking from his nose and mouth.
Vegeta tore his head back, grabbing his tight ponytail and yanking until the blonde let out a cry, staring up in horror at the ceiling.
“Tell me again why I would ever want you.” Vegeta hissed with a wicked smile. “Come on Sebastian, give me that reason again.”
“Because I’m……” Sebastian swallowed, hands tied behind his back, bare chest glistening with blood and sweat. “Because I’m beautiful.”
The audience laughed, not one among them feeling any pity for the poor creature at Vegeta’s mercy. I placed my hand cautiously on the shoulder of an unsuspecting man who turned quickly, facing me.
“What’s going on?” I questioned, glancing back at the scene.
He shrugged, turning to watch the spectacle, apparently impressed with Vegeta’s violence toward the young man.
“That’s what happens when you assume anything about him,” he said carelessly, his handsome face turned away from me. “The former little Chippendale actually thought he was at Vegeta’s level, like he could actually buy his way with good looks.” He shook his head. “Dumb kid. Gets what he deserves.”
“So what do you think?!” Vegeta roared, smiling out to the crowd, his arms outstretched. The veins in his chiseled arms shone gorgeously in the flashing lights, his chest clad in a skin tight wife beater with black pants. “What should we do with Prince Charming?!”
An indiscernible rumble of voices answered, accompanied by a demonic laugh from Vegeta who strung the screaming Sebastian to a sliding light fixture by his long mane of blonde hair, wrapping a handkerchief over his mouth. I cried out in horror as he began to squeal like a stuck pig, blood leaking down the back of his bare neck and shoulders as Vegeta pushed him off, leaving him to dangle by his hair over the roaring crowd.
I stumbled backwards, my back smashing painfully against the wall as I held my hand over my mouth, breathing hard as the young Sebastian’s legs began to kick relentlessly, his entire body shuttering with pain. And they all laughed, every one of them around me, laughing hysterically as blood poured down around them.
Mercifully, Vegeta pulled him back in, Sebastian’s feet barely gripping the sides of Vegeta’s high stage as the tyrant laughed, compassionately holding the beautiful, battered face.
“What do you think now Sebastian?” he asked softly. “Are you so beautiful now precious? You think you’re worthy now?”
Sickness contorted my insides as the beaten creature shook his head, tears falling down his face as he cried against the cloth that was clogged in his mouth.
“Sebastian, Sebastian,” Vegeta sighed as if genuinely perturbed. “What am I to do with you?”
He brushed his fingers against the soft, battered side of Sebastian’s face, his mouth leaving tiny trails of kisses over the torn flesh.
“Do I free you of this pain?” he whispered just loud enough for the crowds to hear. I almost imagined for a moment that he would, staring so kindly at the young man begging to be let down. But then his face turned cold and detached, his eyes blazing with heat and hatred.
“Or do I break something pretty?”
With that he smashed his fist against the side of Sebastian’s face, the crack of cheek bones making me instantly nauseas as the unconscious body swung limply over the crowds, the once beautiful face crushed on one side, indiscernible as human. And just like that, the music began again and the dancing continued as if nothing had ever happened, the only proof that it had being the body that rocked to and fro over the audience, occasionally being knocked by outstretched hands.
Gathering my bravery and my strength, I prepared to soar above the mass chaos and release the unconscious Sebastian, unsure what I would do at that point but unable to watch in silence any longer. Right as my feet left the ground, a large object came crashing down against the back of my head and everything went blank.
“You know,” came his voice through the fog and chaos that was my wakeup call. “Its rather rude to come to a party uninvited.”
I groaned, stretching my limbs and finding myself sprawled out on his slippery bed, my arms and legs positioned as if I were a doll.
“Ah ah ah…” Vegeta snapped curtly, pointing a paintbrush at me. “Don’t move a muscle.”
I wiped my eyes, ignoring him before beholding the sight before me, a wide canvas being painted upon with fierce, clumsy strokes here and there, though expertly done. Vegeta’s back was turned to me as he added what must have been the final touches to a face, the flesh along the cheeks bones glittering with gold fragments, making it appear a sort of Greek Mythological God.
It took a moment for me to grasp that it was indeed me who lay amongst the clouds and feathers of his heaven, my skin gleaming with an ethereal light. I was naked with only a thin film of white cloth covering my lower half, my eyes closed as I slept like a cherub amongst the clouds and sunlight. And yet, as I looked closer, I could see how he had added black feathers to the sublime set of golden and white wings that were painted upon my back. A sort of angel and demon hybrid.
And as the angelic form of me slept so deeply, demons of a fearful sort crept around my divine body, their faces twisted with menace and ill intent. They were placing black feathers amongst my white. It was as sacrilegious as it was beautiful, as the angel slept amongst devils, allowing them to come so close to him. As if, only in his sleep, in his dreams, was he so blind to the little monsters that tormented him.
“I call it The Empyrean,” he said dully, still feverously throwing details here and there. “I named it after the realm that people once believed to be the highest level of Heaven. Only God and His angels could reside in such a place. The ancients taught that empyrean was the highest reaches of heaven, a realm where fire in its purest element would subsist. I couldn’t imagine putting you anywhere else.”
He seemed to be in a fine mood as I lay there, ignoring his instruction to “not move” and resting my head on my hand. My entire skull throbbed, my brain feeling swollen and heavy in its confines.
“I had no idea you painted,” I grumbled, rubbing the back of my neck. Obviously some of Vegeta’s brain dead goons must have been so kind as to carry me up here, tossing me upon the bed like a bag of potatoes and leaving me there to rot. I cursed myself for not having reacted quicker to help Sebastian, for some stupid reason, unaware of what Vegeta would so mercilessly do.
“Among other hidden talents,” he said without ever looking at me, applying a few more swipes here and there. “So why don’t you tell me why you’re here and end this ridiculous little small talk. We’ve never been good at it anyways have we?”
He finally turned towards me, brush in one hand and his painting plaque in the other, looking calm and contained for once. I subconsciously admired his body, so perfect, so unearthly in his tight white wife beater and slippery Teflon pants. His shiny black combat boots caught my eye, the light from the chandelier casting dim shades over the glossy surface. I looked back at his face, noticing that his widow’s peak had softened with time, not quite so dramatic as I had first imagined it to be. In fact, his hair seemed even a little shorter to me, though nothing at ALL in comparison to my own which I dismally sifted my fingers through.
“I came to tell you to stay away from me Vegeta,” I said as bravely as I could, no feeling or expression betraying the fact that I wanted him yet again in this very bed, in this very moment. “I want you to stop tempting me, stop buying me things, stop doing….” I sighed, shaking my head and cursing the ache. “stop doing whatever it is you do to get what you want from me. I cant do this anymore.”
I looked up into his eyes, looking for any sympathy, for any acknowledgment or agreement. I saw nothing but a strange, unbelieving expression that told me precisely what I feared. That he saw right through me.
“Is this another one of your attempts to convince yourself that what you’re doing is wrong Kakarot?” he rolled his eyes, turning back around and continuing his portrait of me. “Well sing me another tune sweetness, I’ve heard this one before. And believe me,” He smiled, “It was more convincing last time you tried it.”
“Vegeta you don’t understand,” I said sincerely, trying to explain this new determination. “I can’t do this anymore. It isn’t that I deny enjoying it…. I do but…” I caught his eyes, blinking for a moment before opening them. “Its killing me.”
He looked concerned for only a second, thoughtfully returning to his painting.
“Are you listening to me Vegeta?” I pleaded. “I’m not giving you selfish, fool hearty reasons. I’m not trying to pretend that I don’t want it because I wont lie. Besides, you know that I do so what would be the point? But I love my wife, Vegeta. Can you understand that? I love my family. Call it human weakness, call it sentimental attachment, label it what you will. But I need it. I thrive on it. I live and I fight for it.”
He wouldn’t answer me, still dabbing dark paint all over the canvas.
“You asked me once what it was that I was fighting so hard to save. I couldn’t give you the answers then but I know them now.” I smiled thoughtfully. “I fight for them. I fight for my family and I can’t continue pretending that my love for them comes second to pleasure. I won’t do this anymore Vegeta. I just can’t.”
I moved to leave, lifting my sore, tense body off the bed, hunched over as I searched for my shirt that he had apparently insisted needed to be taken off for the picture. Catching sight of the rumpled white mess on the floor, I recognized the traces of blood right away, touching the back of my head to confirm that it was my own.
“I can’t understand.” He said softly, catching me before I went out the door. I turned around, seeing his back to me still, though his tone was genuine. “I cant understand it Kakarot. This attachment to your family. You would choose a life of mediocrity and simplicity over one that your heart truly desires? You would sacrifice the only freedom you’ve ever known for a family that will always be there? Do you care nothing for yourself?!”
“I care for myself,” I insisted. “But where is my dignity if I choose my happiness over their welfare?”
“Where is your pride if you don’t?!” He hissed, looking at me strangely. “You KNOW what you want Kakarot. Unlike the rest of the creatures on this planet, you have found the object of your adoration. You’re not like the rest of the mindless mob that seeks consolation their entire lives, searching for the one element that can bring them freedom and enjoyment. No. You KNOW what it is that will bring you into unspeakable pleasure. You want freedom and you want sex. And you know it. And here you deny it, placing the feelings of others over your own! Is that not insanity to you?! Don’t you see the flaws in such a lifestyle?”
I looked down, hating that I understood his reasoning.
“What is the point of waking up each morning only to realize that you have become a slave to the happiness of others? Like a puppet, you throw to the way side all of your hopes and dreams, sacrificing everything that essentially makes YOU, YOU and you give it away so that these HUMANS, these creatures completely opposite of you, can rest easier at night. How can you live when you have no reason to live for yourself?”
“Because I love,” I said. “Because I love my wife and I love my son. And no matter what I want, I place them above everything. My love for them saves the world from what I might become if I lowered that priority.”
“And what of their love for you?!” he snapped. “You speak of sacrificing your own happiness for theirs out of love, does it go both ways? Would your family set aside their own happiness so that you could enjoy yours for a moment? Does your wife love you enough to let you indulge in your temptation as long as you’re happy?” he came closer to me, only inches from my face. “If you can tell me that your wife loves you, than how come she would never let you do what it is in you nature to do?”
Stuttering, I only shook my head, insisting that he was wrong. That she didn’t cut me off from all enjoyment. That she loved me enough to understand my weaknesses, to accept me for them. But all the same, I knew it wasn’t true. She didn’t love me enough to over look the fact that I wanted sex with the same sex as well as the opposite. She would never underestimate this perverse affair.
“A wise man once said that you must love with your heart, think with your mind, and enjoy with your body.” He pressed his lips deeply against my cheek, the soft, dry pads of thick flesh making me swoon with desire. “So love her with your heart, justify with your mind and let me show you how to enjoy this body.”
