The rubble and dirt lay over me, but I hadn't the strength to brush it off. I was broken, mind, soul and body, laying in a crevice on the side of a mountain. I felt like every pore of my body was bleeding, my cheek bones bruised to the point of feeling crushed, my fingernails black and preparing to fall off. There was a small amount of blood seeping down my face from my eyes, dripping through the lids. The impact with the spirits had torn my fragile eyelids, the skin thin and vulnerable, bruising my eyes beneath.
"Holy shit Goku! I thought that was you." Came the masculine, discernable voice of Yamcha, sounding like sweet music to my ears. "Sweet Jesus! What happened?"
"Vegeta," I managed to say, my lips triple their normal size.
"Hey man," He said nervously, apparently scared by my appearance. "Just like……. hold on for a second. Maybe Tien has some Senzu beans."
I couldn't even mumble a response, unable to move. I heard him leave, the rocks and debris falling around me. I waited what felt like hours upon hours, days even, my body so shocked with pain that even sleep was a commodity I could not have. The headache took away any thought process that might have been there otherwise, a blessed thing if you had asked me at the time. I didn't want to think about all the stupid things I had done. I didn't want to dwell over every mistake I had made or how foolish and ignorant I'd been the entire time. I just wanted to sleep. Sleep. Don't think about Vegeta, just sleep. Don't think about Bulma or Chi Chi. Just sleep. That's all you need.
"Don't die on me." I heard Yamcha say, closer to my body than I would have liked. I hadn't heard him come and I didn't know how long he'd even been gone. It could have been minutes, it could have been months for all I could figure.
"Oh my God……" I heard someone say, my ears bleeding now from my headache.
"We're gonna lose him."
I tried to open my eyes, knowing at the time that I couldn't. They were swollen shut, paralyzing me with pain even when I tried. I wanted to assure them that I was alright, that I just needed a little more sleep is all. I wanted to tell them to come back in a little while, I was just going to rest for a couple more minutes.
"I've never seen so much blood come out of one man." Yes, that must have been Tien. "Well come on Yamcha! Give him the Senzu Bean for Christ's sake! What the Hell are you waiting for?"
"Well where do you want me to put it?!" Yamcha cried in frustration. "I can't even tell where his mouth is anymore!"
Oh, I almost laughed, it must be worse than I thought. Ah well, its not so bad. Why, I feel better already. In fact, I really don't feel anything at all. Its quite nice. A little sleep does go a long way.
"Shit shit shit!" screamed Tien. Or was that Yamcha? Could have been Chaoitzu for all I knew. But it was pretty, that was for sure. Sounded almost like Chi Chi for an instant. "Do something! I think he's trying to die on us!"
"Well what do ya want me to do?!" Screamed what I think was Yamcha. Ouch, not so loud guys, I'm trying to sleep here. "Shove it up his ass?!"
Oh, now that's a pleasant idea.
"Give me that!" came another voice. I recognized it instantly, trying to squirm away even as the pain held me in place. Or was that a person holding me in place? Someone was holding me down. Hadn't Vegeta just been here?
"Never mind! My God, but you're like a couple of stooges!" Came Vegeta's voice again. He grabbed my face, administering pain that was off the charts, shoving a bean into the crack that was my mouth. "Chew."
I wanted to tell him that I couldn't. Didn't they get it? I didn't have teeth anymore. Or at least I didn't think so.
"Chew mother fucker! Chew!"
But I couldn't. I had to sleep first. Just give me some rest, that's all I need. I'm just going to close my eyes and drift away.
Blackness.
I sucked in air, my eyes flying open, my chest hurling upwards. I felt like I hadn't breathed in years! Vegeta was holding me, his eyes looking on my face with mild concern while the others seemed to be speechless.
"Wow Vegeta," said Yamcha, clearing his throat. "I didn't know you had it in you to give him the Heimlich!"
"Oh, would you SHUT up!" Vegeta snapped irritably. "Give him some room you ingrates!"
Vegeta knelt down closer to me even as the others moved away, his fingers sliding across my newly healed skin. He pressed his cheek to mine, kissing me gently so that the others couldn't see.
"Almost lost you." He whispered into my ear. "Cant let that happen again. Not yet anyways."
He left me sitting there, sputtering out sentence fragments and utterly confused as I watched him leave, the others beaming down at me gratefully.
"Dude, you should've seen that Goku." Yamcha joked, helping me to my feet. "You were about to kick it when Vegeta came. I almost thought he was gonna cry in a second, just looking down at you like that. Shoved that damn bean down your throat and gave you the Heimlich right then and there. I couldn't believe it!"
"Yeah, that was totally weird." Said Tien, all three eyes staring at me. "Vegeta even looked different. Kinda like, shorter or something."
"Dude you're right," Yamcha laughed, tossing a sensu bean up into the air. "Isn't he usually almost taller than you Goku?"
"That's what I thought," Piped in Tien. "You alright though Goku? Doesn't look like you've healed completely, though it's a far cry better than where you were at before. I thought for sure you were a goner when I saw you like that. Ya looked like some guy hit by a subway train. It was disgusting."
"Uhh, thanks guys." I managed to groan, my body still aching terribly. "I think I'd better get some rest now."
"You ok to fly home? We could help you ya know."
"Nah, I'll be fine. Trust me." I smiled, grateful that I had such incredible friends. I owed them, that was for sure.
Flying home proved to be a harder task than I had bargained for, the cold air slapping against my wounds and bruised skin. I stumbled into the house, the warmth like a gentle hug around my body, the light coming from the kitchen a welcoming sign.
But the note on the table wasn't and I dropped it to the floor, reading only the words "Cant take it" "Went to dad's." "Love, Chi Chi".
________________________________
________________________________________
"Hello?" Damn phone! I had wanted to sleep. "Goku are you there?"
Sounded familiar. VERY familiar. Couldn't place it though.
"Goku, its Doctor Briefs," Ah… should've guessed. "I need to know if Bulma is with you."
"Bulma?" I moaned, turning over on the bed, the pillows scratching against my aching skin. "No, she isn't. Why should she be?"
He sounded nervous which was very uncharacteristic of him, his tone a little bit quaky at parts and the breathing on the other line harsh and panicked.
"She's gone Goku," he nearly sobbed, causing me to involuntarily sit up in bed. "Vegeta, he……… he took her! Just came into the lab and took her!"
"What do you mean?" I snarled, my heart in my throat. This couldn't be! God, what was he trying to tell me!? "What do you mean he just took her?!"
"Just like I said! He busted right through the lab wall. Oh Goku! He didn't look right! God, he wasn't even himself."
"Wasn't himself?"
"No! He looked……." A long pause. "different. You've got to find her Goku! He's out of his mind!"
I sat at the edge of the bed, his tone making my body shake. Bulma. God, let it be anyone but her. I put my hand to my chest, on the verge of tears suddenly. Anyone but her, I thought to myself. Even Chi Chi. Just not Bulma.
My thinking startled me, the realization of it slapping me in the face. I cared more for Bulma's welfare than Chi Chi's. My truest, oldest friend had been taken captive by a creature I neither understood nor could stop. The worst enemy. The one you don't know. God, if anything should happen to her, I mused. And what if he told her? I felt sick suddenly. What if Vegeta, or…….. that THING told her what we'd done together? What if he told her everything, down to my dreams? Down to the sex and lies and manipulations?
"H-how do you mean different?" I stuttered, feeling nauseas.
"His skin was…." he sighed. "I cant even describe it. Tattooed, all up the arms. Like, barbed wire or something. And he had…… God you're going to think I'm crazy. But he had………. Like, horns on his head. I didn't even know it was him until Bulma started screaming, saying that she'd known. Swearing that she'd known all along. He grabbed her by the hair, tore her head back and kissed her right in front of me. Real sick like. And she was……" he started to cry, making my situation all the much more unbearable. "She just kept screaming! I couldn't even move, just staring at him. Goku he……… Why he looked just like……."
"The Devil." I finished for him, digesting everything he'd said, realizing that in every detail he'd described the monster from my dreams. The beautiful creature that lay in a bed of orgies, tempting me, taunting me, warning me of what I might have become. Again, I mentally slapped myself. I SHOULD have known!
All this time I'd been convinced that I was the evil one. The truth was, the monster had influenced me, brought it out from inside. Made me evil simply because he didn't want to be alone in it.
"Goku you have to find her!" Doctor Briefs was bawling. "God, I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her."
The dark part of me wanted to scream at him for being such a bastard. Oh, how fucking sorry he was that she was gone, only to overlook the beast he'd been in the time he'd spent with her. I wanted to scream that I KNEW what he'd done to her! How much I fucking WISHED I had it in me to strangle him for all those torturous years. How he couldn't fool me like he had back when I was just a dumb kid, convinced that he treated Bulma like a princess, when instead he'd beaten her.
But I put that side away. No. I'd been evil for far too long. I'd indulged in being detached and heartless. I was tired of not feeling. Of not caring. Of not sympathizing. Besides, I heard the sincerity in his plea. He wasn't THAT good of an actor.
"I'll find her Doctor Briefs." I said assuringly. "But I want you to stay in your house and under NO circumstances leave. In fact……… in fact I want you to take Mrs. Briefs and tie yourselves down for the night. Lock yourselves away from each other but make sure that you cannot get out no matter WHAT! Do you understand me?"
I heard him sniff over the line, trying to weigh my sanity in this request.
"I…… I understand what you say but…."
"Just listen. Trust me on this one Doctor Briefs. I know it sounds crazy, but you'll have to take my word in this case. Lock yourselves in separate rooms, tie yourselves down if you must but make ABSOLUTELY sure that there are no sharp objects and that you're completely away from any walls. I'll find Bulma, you can be sure of that."
I hung up, crawling to my feet and knowing, as I had in the moment I said it, I'd just told a complete lie.
_________________________________________________________________
Try as I might, Bulma's life force was no where to be found. I walked the dismal streets of Cinder Falls, a moderate sized city, seeing the chaos that had been caused by those who had escaped the crowded population. Papers and garbage littered the sidewalks and paved roads alike, chairs and useful objects forgotten and thrown to the way side.
So funny how only a year ago, such things would have been coveted and now where passed up by even the poorest of souls. I gazed towards a park, a police car abandoned beneath a tree, being beaten and smashed by hoodlum kids, destroying whatever it was they decided to, no punishment or repercussions to fear. Every law, every governmental authority that America had depended on was demolished. Everything that had seemed so unbreakable, so secure was now betrayed by its vulnerability.
There was no justice here anymore. And so ironic that humans had taken such advantage of it when it was there and only now realized its importance. Oh God, how you'd proven your point.
I thought again about what Vegeta had said about religion. How the rich were becoming paupers at the expense they paid for forgiveness. Was there a price for repentance? Could you buy faith?
I kicked a tin can, hearing the metallic sound ricochet through the deserted streets. The ground was wet from a passing rain, the squishing of concrete beneath the soles of my shoes a welcome sound as opposed to the damnable silence. What had once been a thriving city full of life was now an abandoned war zone.
The light from a nearby café shown brightly through the darkness and, digging my hands into my pockets, I ducked in through the doorway, amazed to see none other than an old priest, smiling up at me from a table as if he'd been expecting me. His skin was a deep, oily brown and I imagined he must have been a mixture of possible Korean and African.
"Why, have a seat young man!" he said with a heavy, drawn out accent. He motioned towards the chair sitting across from him, and seeing as there were really no other options, I took a seat, staring at his frosty white hair.
It amazed me that I couldn't tell exactly how old this man might be, the beautiful black skin as always a veil for age and the slightly slanted eyes imploring and defined. Among other gifts, black humans always astounded me with their timeless beauty, their firm, smooth skin that never really changed, their soft, sweet eyes that always felt so welcoming. And grinning white teeth that could make even the worst day seem worthy enough for a smile at the end of it. They truly were beautiful.
"Tell me boy," he smiled warmly, making my insides suddenly calm. "Why the long face? Surely this ol' dismal weather aint' got you down so bad. You just tell ol' Bruder all about it."
"I've nothing to say," I reply, looking downwards. I knew I ought to be ashamed at my impertinence towards him, his hospitality more than reason enough for civility. "And I certainly don't have time to dwell on my problems Mr. Bruder. You must forgive me, but I was just passing through."
"Oh you young people!" he laughed. "Always gots to be rushin' rushin'! Now you jess' have yourself a seat and give an old man the time of day. Here, have a smoke with me wont you?"
I stared despairingly at the offered cigar, every fiber in my body appalled at the useless object. Cancer sticks. Killers. I shrugged. Ah, well. I might as well go for it before I'm 6 feet under. If there is 6 feet of the earth left when Vegeta's done with it.
I lit it myself, rather impressed I might add, nearly dying of a coughing fit.
"OH! These are TERRIBLE!" I whined, holding the burning object away from my face. "How do people smoke these things?!"
Bruder laughed, clapping his hand on his thigh and tossing his head back.
"You know, that's jess' what I said bout' 30 years ago. But, sometimes its hard to stop doing somethin', even if you don't rightly care for it."
My face went calm again and I looked down in shame.
"You can say that again." I agreed.
"So come now son," he said, smiling that goofy, welcoming smile. "Seems to me you got a story to tell. A man don't walk around town with eyes that sorry for no reason. Its written all over ya."
"I'm afraid my story isn't one you'd want to hear Bruder." I admitted, unable to meet his eyes. "And I don't think its one I'd care to tell you either."
A waitress came over, eyes full of worry as she gazed at me.
"My God Sir! Are you alright!"
Confused, I looked down at myself, only realizing then that I hadn't even changed my clothes, dirt and blood caked all down my front. I knew I must have looked the perfect mess, my wounds hardly even healed, my eyes black and blue. Nervous, she stared at me, making no attempts to hide her disgust.
"Sir, do you want me to call the police or something? I'm sure there's a few still left in the city."
I shook my head wearily, appreciating her concern but irritated with it all the same.
"But sir you don't…." She paused, placing her hand on her hip and brushing away a greasy strand of over bleached hair. "Sir you just don't look right is all. You're frightening some of the customers."
"Ah, nonsense!" Bruder piped in for my sake. "There's a handsome young man under all that mess. Here, hand me that rag, I'm bound to find em' somewhere in there."
He knelt by my side of the table, dipping the clean white rag into his ice water and gently rubbing away at my sore skin. I closed my eyes, letting him compassionately wipe my forehead, feeling the cold water sooth my flesh. For what it was, it felt heavenly. I felt the muscles of my face relax, my eyebrows softening out, my frown lessening.
I laid back slightly, letting my head dangle by the chair, his smooth fingers holding my chin just like a father, sweeping the rag across my face. I felt the grime go with it, my depression soothing away, my sadness and hatred numbing. All my vile, self destructive thoughts dissipated and for one moment, one blessed second, I remembered what it felt like to be Goku.
I was free of Kakarot and his sins. I was just Goku, the fun loving idiot that had been unjaded for so long, the very idea of sinning was unimaginable. The sweet boy that had never been suspected of anything, never gave any one a reason to doubt. Beautiful Goku. The hero who had always been everything he'd ever thought he could be.
I opened my eyes, realizing that Bruder had stopped and was sitting across from me, smiling again as if he knew a secret. I sat upright quickly, embarrassed to think that I might have just fallen asleep right there in the chair.
"Now," Bruder said as if we'd been talking this whole time. "Where were we? Ah yes, now I remember."
He placed his dark hand on the back of my own.
"You were about to tell me everything."
