Nov, 28th 2006
Lust
written by Tyrana.
Now this is just rude-- Since when are kids so damn quick to delete reviews JUST because they aren't sugar coated, candy flavored cat shit? Pathetic really-- You know I ALWAYS kept MY flames as incentive to keep going AND do better.
Rather, petty little children delete criticism as a sad means of erasing any fact that their story and/or writing as a whole BITES the big one. That's just irritating. I mean really, what IS the point of having the review option if you're only allowed to put in nice things? Would any of us get any better?
Now let me first say that Tyrana is a decent writer. No, I won't say great but decent--of course we could attribute this to the rumor that she more or less copy/pastes all of her "stories" (aka- pointless plotless and --altogether a rampage of moments of my life virtually pissed away--sex scenes) from other author's stories. Either way, she isn't bad.
A range of vocabulary that seems sadly wasted on useless overdone "plots", (can we REALLY consider them plots?) I had to sigh at the tragedy that this potential is totally overrun and ignored by the CRAP she seems desperate to write. Why try so hard to please the kiddies Tyrana? I really think you'd be damn good if you TRIED to write something creative.
But a lot of your wording is totally unoriginal and -- in fact -- quite standard for plotless pointless sex "stories". Seriously, why not try to write something that no one has done eight billion ties before? And no, I'm certainly not addressing that CATASTROPHE of an Mpreg "story" you've spewed together.
"stiffened cock was flopping back and forth".... "pulsating meat"...."monstrous, glorious pole"....
Seriously--- even YOU must know you can do better than that. Geez! When I think of sex I don't think the first thing that comes to mind is flopping, meaty, monstrous man poles. Eeeesh!
Anyways long story short--- this sucks. Your other stories suck. You need to A.) learn to take a little criticism as it IS a way to improve and B.) IMPROVE!!
June, 4th 2006
Buu To You
written by Gigasmon86.
Buu to You? More like... Barf on Shoe! Jesus! I go away for a little while and this place is just herpe infested with crap!
This shit is like... shaving crabs off your pubes. The little bastards just KEEP ON COMING BACK! hahaha
“You won’t win, Buu! I’ll stop you!” Buu then said in a rather calm tone, “No need to fight, Gohan! I’ll stop!” Gohan stopped moving when he heard this, “H-Huh? You can't be serious!” “It’s true,” he said, “… I won't destroy anymore if I can have something else to keep me happy instead of killing stuff!”
Ugh. This is the part of the story where Gohan SHOULD have disemboweled his mangina with a well aimed Ki-blast instead of putting it around that pink walking toilet seat, but no... no you just had to continue this blaspheme.
You like being dominated, don’t you? You kind of like being humiliated, don’t you?”
:Cough: authorputsselfinsertintofic :COUGH:
Buu then slid them down along with Gohan’s boxers, and then Buu’s face was less than a millimeter from the Saiyan’s prick. Gohan wasn’t very erect, but Buu was just starting out, so he would make Gohan remember this.
Well.... shit on my glass coffee table, that's about all I could stomach.
You need to space out your paragraphs, you need better dialogue, you need... ohh dear God, something a little different than this particular storyline but! Points for creativity and originality!
Camaro
June 4th 2006
Well they had to be doing something
written by DarkMassacre.
What? What is this?
What have you done? Come here!
::grabs author's face and slaps it into story::
This is gross!
“Unless you wanted me to fuck you, Nappa.”
::makes disgusted face:: I don't care what either one of those bastards wants, this is like.....dog porn or something. I think I just dropped something in my pants that's more entertaining to look at than this.
“I’ll take you, Vegeta.”
Glad we were sure to spice up the dialogue. This is like ... hearing Yamcha say "Wolf Fang Fist" in a yaoi story.. it just gives ya a good case of the "yucks".
::shakes head::
God damn that's gross. You write really well though! hahha
Camaro
February, 5th 2006
Caught in the Act
written by Debsdragon and then STOLEN by "thedawg".
Well... that certainly struck me as productive. All that time spent hacking away only to make a grand ass of yourself and jack someone's story. Quite the predicament you're in.
Have you ever heard of dirty undie tea? It's when someone shits their pants, sticks it in a big pitcher of water and leaves it out in the sun. Dirty.. Undie... Tea.
That's kind of what you remind me of. A useless, appalling bottom feeder. Nothing more than a grainy skid mark in an old man's tighty whitey's.
Why don't you go either leave debsdragon's things alone...or rename yourself?
"Thedawg"?... more like "thedip".
Pfft.. what an ass.
Camaro
January, 14th 2006
Bulma and the dragon ball
by Usako Man
::raises eyebrow at you::
What is this abomination?
While it's good to know you're writing your sick, demented MAN fantasies rather then trying to indulge in them it's painfully obvious that's what this is. An empty load of crap, splattered like one big jizz ball on this already suffering site.
I mean seriously bucko.. the wording itself is outrageous. I think I'd rather lick the inside of your fucking toilet bowl then continue to poison my mind with this cum stain of a story.
"Deeerrr.. aheh aheh.. can I like.. see your pussy in stuff. snort* snort*".
You are so just tacking up a neon light that says "Desperate virgin: never seen, never had, never known a vag in real life." FYI bud, women prefer NOT to have their genitals referred to as "pussy, snatch, cunt, twat, bacon lips, garage, snake hole, healing hole, momma's candy dish," or whatever crack-induced names you have planned for it.
This is NOT a hustler magazine article. This is for LITERATURE!
Cripes... go out and get laid. Oh and please, for your own sake and the rest of our's, DON'T refer to her breasts as PAIR- "knockers, hooters, titties, tits, fun bags, jiggle sisters, floppers, udders, bazoombas" or whatever else 13 year olds are referring to them as.
SHEESH! hahaha!
Camaro
February 8th, 2005
finding you
by Cujo1991
Does it surprise you that an "author" doesn't even capitalize their title? Well, it shouldn't folks. In fact, I'm shocked this person even knew how to SPELL those words, as pathetic and shoddy as this newest story is. By GOD! Fear not all others I have torn to shreds and insulted, you have JUST been defeated.
This is... BY FAR... THE WORST, fanfiction, paragraph, story, tale, abomination, piece of shit --whatever you want to refer to it as-- I have EVER read. Thank the Gods above that it is short; in fact, so graciously short that I can post the entire thing here....
"Goku is a 20 year old man who was forced into marriage by chi-chi. goku lost all his memoies when he was a baby.
Vegeta is a 22 year old man who is the prince of all plantet vegeta, he was to be mated to kakorrot (goku). but before they could
mate freeza killeds all the sayjins and goku was sent to earth.
Goku was watching his wife garden he wished he could remember his past life he had not
"what you thinking about"
"just my past life i keep thinking there was something important but its gone now"
please review "
noticed chi-chi had walked over
and was kissing him on the cheak
"oh well lets go inside i need to talk to you about somethings"
"ok"
"Vegeta we will arrive at earth in 1 hour"
"thank you zarbon"
i can't wait to get back to you kakorrot.
Oh my God! This person has GOT to be mental or at least making some sort of hideous joke. But no, this person ACTUALLY wrote this horrendous embarrassment for a story and wanted kind, upbeat reviews. Surprise surprise! They didn't get any and when I decided to be gracious and give them the HONEST truth, they --rather then take it seriously and improve-- decided it'd be a good idea to flame one of MY stories.
::the crowd cringes::
I know, obviously little Cujo hasn't been around long. And, (fyi) kiddo, don't you know that Cujo is a dog's name? Shame. You might have been better off having one of them type this degrading piece of shit up. No... No.. seriously, you might have.
"i think this story is rubbish and i have a little problem with english so buttout" --Our little friend Cujo the magnificent writing hairball!
A "little" problem? Uhhh, yeah, that'd be the understatement of the century kiddo. So here's my question.... If you don't speak English fluently, why try to speak or write it at all? It's like my petpeeve with Japanese words thrown into English fanfiction; If you don't know it entirely, then either learn it fluently and write in THAT language, or don't try it at all.
And please, like we don't know that your apparent "problem with English" is simply that you haven't graduated from the 2nd grade yet. You aren't from another country moron, you just suck because you're too fucking young to be on that website for ADULTS. And flaming my story isn't the way to get better sweetheart. It's the quickest way to public embarrassment and shame that you can find besides posting that crap on a website.
Hahaha, and Fathoming Love rubbish? Please, like you could even read the BIG bad words you stinking used up cock ring! Grow up, seriously.
The Story Continues
Some people just don't realize when they're beaten! No. They have to resort to lying, to pretending they understand things that they don't, to borrowing swear words their mommy would punish them for saying.
::rolls eyes::
Honestly, WHY do I waste my time on useless trash like this kid?
"i am fuckin english i dont have microsoft word and u are really sad if u have a wall of hate i even have my boyfriend backing me up on that so PISS OFF cause i have to deal with people like u every day so im really fuckin scared about what u got to say an what u goin to do jump out the computer and kill me AND I READ YR SHIT STORY I WOULD RATHER RIP MY EYES OUT MY SOCKETS BEFORE I READ YR STORIES BITCH."--Cujo1991
"hes 18 r u that stupid and he thinks slags like u should get a life and u really think i care what people say u r just a stupid sad bitch with no life"--Cujo the wonder pup.
Losers!
Only sad, pimple faced, pathetic pieces of pedophile shit would be interested in some flat chested, illiterate little girls fresh out of their pampers. Not to say I don't think the little girl isn't LYING straight out of her pampers but hey. Is it worth pursuing? Hell no.
I said it before, I'll say it again. I've learned enough by now not to go after flamers that simply present no challenge. And I think we can all see, as Beethoven--er--fluffy-- er.... CUJO hahaha, cannot even manage to spell 86% of her words correctly, she's no challenge whatsoever. Sigh* Just a lesser being.
Or as I like to think... a no body, NIPPING at my heels.
Quick! Someone get the spray bottle! hahaha!
Camaro
Pure and Wonderful
Oh lovely, can't you tell by the title that I'm going to like this?
Well, to save myself some time, I'll simply paste a short paragraph from the story and you can draw your own conclusions.
"Alison de Gentille is a 17 year old American girl vacationing in New Orleans. Lestat senses her pure heart and vows to find and keep her forever. She is 5'4". pale skinned, and she has auburn hair that curls to her shoulders. She has ice blue, big eyes, a small button nose, and a small rosy mouth. She is very beautiful with rge rge chest and small waist. She is very intelligent girl whoise whole life is her books and her faith. She is a good christian virgin who is very sweet and kind. The exact opposite of Lestat. But he wants her."
Now, I'm going out on a limb here to assume that "rge rge" means "large large". Good God, did I really even need to go out of my way to review? Was it necessary to put into words my firm and intense disliking of this abomination in the form of a story?
Yes. Yes, it was. I alone must face the armies of bad writers, bent on poisoning the fanfiction world with their useless horse shit. I alone will triffle with evil in its darkest, most ugly forms. I am... the chosen one!
::hear's Buffy theme music in the back ground::
Anyways, to save myself the time, I simply went to this loser's review board, and left a big fat dump right on it. I will merely post that here.
::Points to "Gothic kittie from hell"s review::
"Ignore these morons here...DON"T DELETE THIS....This is excelent(cant spell) I love it..... "
Ok, did no one else take the time out to appreciate the irony of this review? This person has just called everyone morons and yet cannot seem to spell "excellent".. Now that... that is just funny. I don't care who you are, that's fucking hilarious right there. Anyways, while I can admire the .... well, no. No this just kinda sucks, I'm sorry! hahaha
So here's my question.. since when did Lestat convert from a deep, intriguing character to a brain, dead stereotypical man-whore on a quest to fuck mental disorder Barbie? "Like, OMG! I have HUGE ONES and I'm 80 pounds! Plus, I have the coolest mental problems and I cut myself when I'm bored!"
Uhhh... raise your hand if you give a shit? ::crickets chirp:: My thoughts exactly. I'm not calling this a Mary-sue because to be honest, this is on a SUCK level all its own. Your grammar bites, your character is a retard and Lestat is a pitiable moron who deserves nothing more than a brutal castration for his abominable pansy ass behavior. No wonder the poor fool is so miserable if he acts anything like the loser you made him out to be! Christ! If I were him, I'd be on the quickest route to a sunbath right now!
::Tosses sunblock out the window::
"Looks like a good time for a day at the beach."
Do yourself a favor.. Do NOT write this crap and then ask people not to review. The only thing you meant by that was "give me only ass kissing comments because I'm too much a of bible thumping, Jesus Christ Super Star humping pussy to handle the truth".
It may not be pretty, but this is about the closest thing you'll get to an honest review, sugar.
Love
Camaro
For my first review, I’d like to take your attention away from those writers who have SENT us their stories and instead, show you one that has not. For if she had, I would have made certain to devote an entire section to making fun of her. My first choice and victim? Silver-Yaoi of the story My Suru Lover.
A worthy competition for “Worst FanFic Ever”, this story depicts Goku as master over the doggish, cowardly and sickeningly submissive pet, Vegeta. Born as a knuckle dragging, tail wagging savage of a Saiyan, (rather than being a proud, arrogant prince with an embedded hatred for his rival Kakarot), Vegeta is depicted as a dog. Obscene? Abominable? An absolute embarrassment to everything true Vegeta fans believe in? You’d better believe it.
And while we mustn’t leave out points for originality, let’s not forget that no other author would be brave enough or stupid enough to write something so absolutely terrible. While I’ve never been the type to complain about Alternative Universe fics, (as the normal timeline has been WAY over done), this was too much for words. The author obviously left out any concern or honor for the characters and instead, went out to create something so shocking, so abhorrently awful, that people like myself couldn’t help but flame it.
“Vegeta sat up and started to groom his tail. He would often do it to get relaxed. No, his master did it to him. Vegeta had always loved when his master would rub his tail and showered him with affection.” – an exert from My Suru Lover.
Grabbing for the barf bucket yet? Just wait until the sex scene, which is more of a detailed excursion into the sickening act of bestiality, than the sweet, anal love making that the author obviously thought it would be. And just in case there are a few full stomachs still out there, I introduce to you, My Suru Lover 2: Never Ending.
Points for originality: a solid 10. I certainly wouldn’t have been brave enough to post this.
Grammar, punctuation and spelling: a wavering 5, as the author is Swedish and can be excused from this category alone. Certainly makes me question ever visiting Sweden though.
Characters as themselves: if there were a negative 30, I would use it.
Skills altogether: Though her content is repulsive, for what its worth, Silver-Yaoi presents a very admirable skill when it comes to writing it. Using detail (when I would rather she didn’t) she demonstrates that although it’s the worst story ever written, it can be written in a dignified, compassionate manner. For skills, I give her a solid 8. Still can’t take away the fact that she sucks at story lines.
Likeable author: Well, perhaps I should have left the category out as I’ve had my share of run-ins with the Queen of all Obscene, when I point blank told her that although she is original, her story is utterly sickening to anyone who’s ever actually watched the show and admires Vegeta. Of course, she felt the need to go under a new pen name and flame me back (being supremely obvious with her lack of spelling skills and strange sayings), making quite the original fool of herself.
Therefore, under “likeable author”, Silver-Yaoi receives a glowing 2! Great job sweety! Maybe if you had shown some balls and just given it to me straight, your name WOULDN’T be the first on my review wall.
As it stands, My Suru Lover by Silver-Yaoi receives a 25 out of 50 possible points, if you don’t count the negative 30 for characters in character.
Better luck next time.
The Story Continues
Due to gross stupidity, Silver-yaoi has chosen to email me her response.
"I noticed your review on the site. I like yoru site, i really do. but it was rude of you not to ask permision before posting it on your website. I agree with what you said but please, take it down!!"
My response
And why should I ask Silver? Do your brainless reviewers ask your permission before they post their pathetic little opinions on your pretty board? So why should I?
Your story was disgusting, a blatant disregard for the characters and for the entire series as a whole. And no, I'm NOT taking the review down and no, I dont respect you.
Maybe now you'll think twice before placing Vegeta under "man's best friend" category.
Built on a venomous hatred for his father, Saiyajin Peach 18, presents Vegeta as an overly protected, vengeful, spiteful creature, set out on a journey for the gift of immortality. Going into this, I breathed a sigh of relief, realizing that the topic would not only be refreshing taste from the norm, but creative in the positive sense rather than the “Oh-my-God-where’s-the-barf-bucket” way.
Exceptional detailing carries the reader through the immense journey set out for us, characters complex and intricate in their careful designs. Though Saiyajin Peach insists that she made the characters OUT of character, in my opinion, she simply made them her own.
And for all her talent and smooth writing, (and perhaps its simply my mood) every single statement the characters made came across as rather sexual or even as innuendo.
“That familiar step came closer and closer, and finally, Nappa’s bulky form appeared in the doorway.
Vegeta smirked. “Feel like a go?”’
But of course, if that got the ol’ bird chirping, lovely sentences like this one are surely enough to contradict, and in my opinion, squash its little lungs for good.
“The skin on his face pulled taunt, and he imagined his guts sucking back, gathering against his spine.”
Hm…. Ironically reminds me of my own reaction reading My Suru Lover.
But as you can see, the detailing (whether necessary or not) is exceptional, earning points as I continue. On his quest to find the indebted “Goddess of Immortality”, Vegeta is accompanied by the bulky, and rather overly masculine Nappa and Radditz. Sadly, I became slightly distraught at the author’s lack of description when it came to the dingy duo, the two taking on the form of mooching, back singers rather than part of the actual “Band”.
During one scene, I was slightly perturbed to find that the author created a sort of homosexual bond between these brut, cold blooded Saiyan’s when they unexpectedly put their arms around each other in order to keep warm. It was a puzzling contradiction when you consider the somewhat cliché “Macho Man” image that the Saiyan race has upheld since the beginning of the series. Rather than envisioning the oh-so-tasty band of hairless chests and masculine grimaces, I received a knock off performance by the Village People or worse yet, reruns of the Three Stooges.
Not to be dismayed by a few disturbing images (along with the traumatic scarring of Suru Lover), I continued on my OWN quest through this exciting story. And creativity and originality were certainly awaiting as a mysterious WOMAN (let me repeat WOMAN) is discovered in Vegeta’s chambers, ready and willing to have sex with him. Now guys, if this isn’t your type of story already, I haven’t a clue how to please you!
Being a man (a.k.a, shameless, spineless, thoughtless, brainless pig) Vegeta commences the “best sex” of his life and as a result kiddos, impregnates the nameless, bald as a baby whore. (we later find her name is Bi, Goddess of Love. Hahah aint that innuendo? ) And you wonder why I hate summaries! But here comes the REAL shocker folks! The child, born later, is named Kakarotto, or as I prefer, Kakarot. And you doubted my ability to sense talent!
Soon after, it is Vegeta himself (daddy turned shameless, spineless, thoughtless, brainless pig) who has to care for the tiny Prince Kakarot.
Honestly, the scenes hereafter are adorable, as Vegeta takes the baby into the shower with him, puts stuff in his mouth, changes shitty diapers and stays up with him at night. That is, until you realize he’ll be virtually doing the exact same thing later on in life! ::wink wink:: How’s that for irony?
And they do, but not yet because UNFORTUNATELY, this story is unfinished. I don’t know about you, but I will be waiting very patiently for the next chapter.
Points for originality: 8…. A point was subtracted for the WAY over used word “baka”.
Grammar, punctuation and spelling: I noticed a few slight errors here and there but all and all a solid 8.
Characters as themselves: a 7. While they may NOT be themselves, they are HERS and that’s all that matters.
Skill altogether: 7. She could have taken her time a little more with some of the scenes, rushing through the pregnancy and showing us little to nothing of Bi (gotta love the name) Goddess. While this was her decision and perhaps a good one as she alone knows the following content, a few other areas she plowed through.
Likeable author: 10. What’s there not to like? She’s bold, she’s brave, she’s creative and original. And she’s designed a story that’s controversial and guess what else? She doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about it.
Total=40 points. Had it NOT been for the overly controversial incest scene between a 10 year old Goku and his father, Vegeta, I would ask this author to post her story on the Kiss of Hell.
Unfortunately, morally, I wont agree with this sort of content as it makes me about as nauseas as the first paragraph of Suru Lover did.
For now, that’s all folks. Saiyajin Peach 18, I WILL be awaiting the next chapter.
by daisy_girl_456
Let me introduce you all to Daisy_Girl_456, our favorite little embarrassment over at fictionpress.net. I'm sure you've all heard of her, as she's a constant laughing stock in Instant Message conversations and quite the topic for comedy in recent emails. You've all seen my pictures and yet this flat chested little girl insists on calling me fat! haha, aint that cute?
But we're not here to discuss her stupidity, simply the proof of it. Lets take a look at her "famous" (hahaha!) story, Boxed In. Why didn't I read Four Corners, further proof of her failures as an actual author? Simple. I'd rather only have to suffer through 8 chapters as opposed to Four Corner's appalling 10.
Wanna see her bio? hahahah like, ok!
"Hi! :) I love writeing and I hope u luv my stories! I work long and hard on them!"
hahaha more like, you can work long and hard on my rock hard DICK YOU PANSY ASS PIECE OF SHIT! Ahem*
::smoothes hands over large boobs:: ((daisy drools)) "What are THOSE Miss Camaro?" ::pat pat:: "Something you'll never have darling, get used to the tissue box I gave you for Christmas."
How stupid IS this bitch?! hahaha lets take a look at Exhibit A. The Summary for this "work of art" ::barf::.
"Two girls and three girls get stuck together for a whole weekend!"
But enough of the credits! Lets go STRAIGHT into this "fabulas" story! Hmph. More like "fab my ass" story.
ahem* From the first paragraph, I was convinced that I had been stuck with this for an entire weekend. Boring and uncaptivating, I physically battled my age old instinct to click that beautiful X button and get the hell out of here before Daisy's "skills" (or the memory of their nonexistant selves) somehow effected ME! But no. And I hope you know, the sacrifice of perfectly good time this review cost me.
"Mrs. Levy snored loudly, and Ken felt like he was ready to die. Her snoring was worse then the cries of the football player he shoved in a locker last week."
Excuse me... does ANYONE know what the fuck this bitch is talking about? hahaha. Some whore is snoring and it sounds like screaming. Hmmm... sounds like any man that fucks Daisy's ass and lives to tell about it. hahahah opps, did I say that? Naughty me. Sorry Daisy, I'm sure no one would fuck you so it doesn't really apply anyways does it? And "football player he shoved in a locker last week"? More like your story I shoved up my ass last week.
Ho hum! So boring, I basically fought myself not to skim through it. Ok ok, so I DID skim through it but honest to God, it reads like one of those "The BabySitter's Club" books. Only, written by an even WORSE writer and void of the likeable characters. I've read more entertaining pop up books with no pictures.
"A big crash came from the ceiling and a resounding "FUCK!" echoed threw the changeroom followed by a loud bang and another "FUCK!!!!"
Hmm, reminds me of my own reaction having to read THIS piece of recycled shit thats been on the freeway for over a month. SERIOUSLY! This is SO bad! Will my chivalry never end?! The things I do for the sake of entertainment.
"Ken feeling all full of himself, pushed Jake aside "Let a real man through. It can't be locked, you pansy!" Ken turned the knobbed and couldn't open it. He tried it until he was kicking it too. "Fuck! It is fucking locked! How the fuck am I suppose to get home now?"
hmmm... I think the boy likes the word "fuck", dont you? "Fuck! This fucking story written by a fucking mother fucker is fucking shitty as fuck! Fucker who fucking wrote it can fuck my fucking fucker!" -hehe, try saying THAT three times fast.
This all coming from a 12 year old that only recently learned what the word meant. Tell me Daisy, did your mommy mention this all to the "police" when she told them about lil' old me? hahaha what a fucking moron huh?! hahahaha Like I'm as naive as some virgin pussy pansy ass bitch who reviews her own story under a thousand different names in order to LOOK like she actually has friends.
yawn* So tragic.
"Ken caught on and chuckled. "You tub of lard he's not talking about you. No one considers you a person."
Olga sniffled and Mary shot Ken a mean look. She didn't like Olga but she didn't deserve to be treated that badly. "Cut it out Ken, its not her fault she's fat.""
"Jake looked Mary up and down. "Well, well, well, were stuck in a room all weekend long. What every can we do to pass the time."
Mary gave him a flirty smile. "Think of something and let me know.""
::Everyone looks at Daisy:: "UGH! Who let THAT out of the power plant?!"::
heh. And she makes fun of fat people. Aint that irony? The bitch that makes grown men cry in fear ironically has a strong hatred for obesity. Well aint that the big old MUTATED, DEFORMED pot calling the kettle black?
"Fuck no! Nothing would ever go out with that cow. Not even its mother!" Jake saw Mary's face go into a smile, because she had just proven her point.
Hmm... Nothing would ever go out with that cow. Not even its mother. Hmm. Strange way of putting it Daisy. I wonder if YOUR mother would go out with you. hahaha oh thats right, she probably would. Tell me, does she have to heat duct tape her tits down and wear a mustach to all of your middle school dances? Or do you just bring the amazing inflatable man doll?
"We can't we have no way of contacting Pizza Pizza you complete waste of space."
We have no way of contacting a surgeon surgeon for your "dinosaur's" ass face, you complete waste of good writing time!
"Olga was watching the whole thing and felt jealously bubbling up inside her fat chest. She couldn't believe Ken would prefer Sarah over a real woman. Like herself."
Daisy was reading this whole thing and felt jealousy bubbling up inside her fat head. She couldn't believe that she sucked this bad and was now being informed of it in front of hundreds of readers. AND reviewers. Like herself. LOL! For her own story!
It was a beautiful day, and he had a 'flawless' plan. His floppy brown hair was gelled down to perfection. Every girl could not resist his manipulating hypnotic eyes. He was the cheerleader's favorite 'team player'.
Olga got a look of excitement on her face. She was a child again looking for candy. She attempted to run to the locker room. Her blubber jiggled from side to side. She disappeared from the gymnasium.
Personal experience Daisy?
And thats all I could take. All joking aside, I want to end this on a good note, or, at least an honest one. Now, I've always been known for BEING honest and despite my supreme disrespect for this "author" (hehee.. she's so cute, we'll just let her think she's one for now ok?) I'm going to say the things that other people wont.
Daisy, all our disputes put to the way side, I dont think you should quit writing. Nope. For being 12 years old, you're NOT that terrible at all! In fact, when I was 12, I probably wasn't as impressive as you are. Keep in mind, this is reflecting your story NOT your personality, which I've already covered is as putrid as a present in a toddler's diaper.
But (despite that as I write this, you continue to flame my "story" which is actually a poem if you weren't so embarrassingly stupid to not have noticed! haha, what a joke) seriously, you aren't that bad. This topic CERTAINLY doesn't interest me as its corny, boring, cliche, and over done about a THOUSAND times. You need to work mostly on creating your own style. Dont be afraid to use your imagination and create something original, as it IS fictionpress. You have the freedom so dont limit yourself to topics that are simply excerpts from "Sweet Vally High", "The Babysitters Club" and God knows whatever ones you copied.
Dont fear creativity or expanding your imagination.
One other pet peeve I want to bring to your attention is your excessive language. Now, I'm not one to criticize bad language simply because my own is rediculously uncouth at times, but you need to watch how often in one sentance you say "fuck". To me, (and this isn't trying to be mean, because I've already accomplished that) you SOUND like a 12 year old trying to write a story that will captivate older audiences.... which is GOOD! I mean, props to you! You should ALWAYS try to write better than what your age is. Never limit yourself or think you cant. But the THING that you're really need to watch is using too many swear words.
Because then it just sounds unintelligent and unrealistic. Written by a 12 year old.
Grammar, spelling, punctuation- nice job on the spelling. Obviously, where you lack talent at flaming, you make up with a spell check for your stories. A good idea. Good job. 6 because I noticed quite an amount of grammar errors.
Characters as themselves or created as your own- again, this is where you need to focus on your story. The names are unoriginal and dull. Mary, Jake, ken. Why not something creative?! A name that YOU like! Sebastian! Austin! Claudia! SOMETHING! I feel that you made the characters so cliche so that the reader wouldn't have to focus too hard to remember the names. A stupid idea. You get an honest 1 on that aspect.
Skills altogether- a 4. You aren't BAD, but you aren't good either. You're mediocre for a 12 year old and an insult for any age over that. Just honestly TRY to pay attention to certain aspects of your story I specifically emphasized need work.
Likeable author- this is a hard one simply because I LOVE how gullible and easy you are to upset. AND because for a 12 year old, you're surprisingly efficient at continually making a fool of yourself. You're honestly STUPID for fucking with me (but then, you dont KNOW me so I guess that's your biggest fault) you're insults are boring and as overused as your storyline. You can't spell for your life, even when you try. You OBVIOUSLY didn't even take the time to READ my "story" or else you'd realize it wasn't a story and instead a poem, AND, I've calculated at least 10 signed reviewers names that are.... hahah sadly.. YOU.
This is your biggest flaw. The fact that you can't handle having a low number of reviews and sink to the level that you review them yourself. What was it that you said Daisy? That "ur my idol" to YOURSELF? "Put me on your favorites list and I'll put you on mine." You taunted anyone who is ACTUALLY stupid enough to read your stories. It seems there's no end to your shameless, self glorifying stupidity. You've sunk to a level beyond low, and for this, I'm afraid to say, you aren't a challenge at all to me anymore.
Not that you ever were honestly, but still. You HAD been fun until you got desperate enough to review your own story over (what was it again D?) over 300 times. And then when I called you on it, you merely deleted the story so that no one would read what I said and know the truth.
Here's my biggest piece of advice hun. Take it if you will. You need to GROW up.. both in writing and in posting. Because although I find it VERY commendable that you hold your own and you're brave (and you are, to the point of annoyance)... you HAVE gone too far in reviewing and pretending to have friends, when both are... you.
So in likeable author, I give you a 2, and only because I respect that you stand up for yourself, albeit for no reason at all but to insure your own incompetence.
Points accumulated altogether- 14 being generous
Final note- Your stories need work, but with age, comes intelligence that you seem to be lacking at this point in your life. You've flamed me a number of times now and although you may be under the impression that you're hurting someone, you've only proved time and time again that you are childish and have no skills at insulting. Take lessons from me! Expand your vocabulary and quit using the same old "UR fat! Ur ugly" ones!
Flaming doesn't have to be a wicked, vicious battle to prove who is better (which was obviously proven a long time ago in this war hun, I think we both established that) but a good verbal spar. I find that flame wars, while childish, are a GREAT way to expand your vocabulary and to broaden your range of insults. They can help you later on when writing dialogue in your stories, and even, in some cases, give you some wonderful inspiration for a fic period!
So give me something more than your old favorite "U are shit, this is trash. U fat bitch" Because number one, I'm fucking amazing. I'm a genius and I'm fucking gorgeous. Anyone who wants to question that can go to my Webpage. My stories are brilliant and are worthy of being novels. Anyone who cares to debate that obviously hasn't read them. And as far as being fat? I point to my Webpage again. In the look department, I have no complexes. Find an insult that will hurt me ok?
Thats it for now! Good luck.
Love
Admittedly, it's not horrible. It's not disgraceful. It's not even remotely as badly written as my bout with Suicide.
But it's bad. Don't get me wrong, guys. There are a few deluded fools that actually compliment this piece of work; the rest of the comments, however, are just the author (pathetic isn't it?)
I'm gonna try my best to give the a good, unbiased review to Daisy. Sure, she may be a cocksucking shitrubbing beast... but she deserves a good review, right? And for such a MARVELOUS story! Note the sarcasm, fuckers. I don't intend on outdoing Camaro anymore when it comes to reviews. I'll give my straightforward opinion about the story; if I don't like it, fuck you, fuck the author, and fuck the story. I WILL tell you blatantly I DON'T like it.
And I don't like this. Truthfully, if I just came across this story, with no past history with the author, I'd look at the first three LINES before going "Eh, not interesting." Not that I'd actually click on it after reading the summary (well, I would, since it said two girls and three girls are locked up together...I was hoping for lesbian action. And by the way, what kind of fucking moron can't add two and three together to make five? It'd be so much simpler..)
No, my friends and fuckable little girls. This story did not capture my interest, much like the fuckwit author.
But without further ado..I give you the piece of slime I like to call Daisy's story (and by the way, she posted the same story twice, under different names.. and reviewed them all herself under different names. Just setting you in the mood for my review...)
The story starts off with the character Ken Sanders, describing him as a bad boy, etc.. expecting us to love him. And then it goes down to a pathetic description of his obviously expected hunky body. My god, will little girls ever stop making fucking guys into fucking GODS?
No. Don't think so.
And it just so happens this character is not only bad boy.. oh no... but part of the football team, the soccer team, and the hockey team. Example sentence: He was fit, and very built.
By that sentence, those of us who are not morons are now bored silly with the story. I know I am.
The sentence structure is off. Contains no passion whatsoever. When you really look at the story, I mean REALLY look at it, you realize yourself it's not worthy of anything. It certainly isn't going to win the Pulitzer prize, nor Camaro's Stupidest Fanfic Award (though, a couple of changes, and it's close..it's really close.)
And then there are the spelling errors.
Today he got time because he 'accidentally' tripped the principle in the hallway earlier that morning. She landed in coffee. Her two hundred dollar white blouse was stained with latte for life.
....Principal. And who the fuck CARES about her hundred dollar white blouse? See? These are the descriptions we don't need. We don't need to KNOW it's white, we don't even really get WHY it'd be stained for life since we all know: latte comes out since it's a weakass coffee froth.
But I'm gonna ignore that..why? Since maybe this story has a chance of impressing me in the end. I know it won't, it's highly doubtful it would... but all things deserve a chance. Perhaps fruitless ones as well.
The story plot continues with our 'hero' in detention for causing that little 'accident.' And then, if those of you on F.I. read my flame when I totally insulted this scene, calling Ken Sanders, THE Ken Sanders a vent rapist. Why? You'd have to read it to get it. But drifting from the point, I felt like I knew what would happen. Sure, I didn't know what the story was about...in fact, by the summary, and I'm thinking Daisy was probably high on the crack her mother took when she was pregnant with her, Daisy meant either two guys and three girls, or two girls and three guys. Which, if you know your history of teen movies, you'd realize that this was sounding like a total rip off from that Breakfast movie where those kids got stuck at school in detention, bonding in unimaginable unrealistic ways.
And the boy crawls through the vent..you already know he's going to fall on some girls in the locker room. Why? Because it was in TEEN movies. And when you look over this story, you begin to realize: Oh My God. She took every teen movie cliche and put it into her story.
But hey, since I couldn't stand the story for more than three lines, I never read any of the chapters. From what I know, it could just be this chapter. It could just be this chapter alone that holds that little similarity to those movies.
BUT...since the writing was just... ugh, do NOT get me started. You see, I'm editing this story for a friend of mine who wants to publish. She has no writing skills whatsoever. I have to keep myself from rewriting EVERYTHING she writes because I know everything HAS potential. This story..this story went the cliched path as far as I'm concerned. It still HAD potential, though cliched potential. Still, the sentences were poor, the characters were weak and two, perhaps just ONE dimensional in personality and cause. That's how bad it was. Everything was as flat like the Earth in the Days of Columbus. You cannot BELIEVE how much I tore out my hair because this girl probably, with my guidance, might've made a slightly acceptable story. Probably would've even THOUGHT about the plot a little more.
But alas, I wasn't there to help her... and you know what? She probably would not have accepted it either. So her writing and this story were doomed all together.
When I read it more to the end of the chapter, I realized they were locked in. It was STILL cliche. Even more cliche and perhaps desperate than being stuck in detention. While they're not in detention I KNOW the effects will just be the same as they were in the movie. It'll get weepy, it'll get romantic. Ugh, and if it does get romantic, how horrible would that be? It's like Daisy's transferring herself into her characters to get emotional and mental relief from what she obviously could not have.
I mean, come on..Locked in? Do you KNOW how many times that's been done? It's like a whore's vagina; been used by everyone around the block and twice. Smelly and old too!
So now that we've got the theme down, we'll concentrate on the characters a little more. Olga Cunningham, Ken Sanders (oooh.. *fake moan*), Jake Matthews, Mary Anne, and Sarah.
Mary Anne and Sarah are your typical airhead, horny, preteened cheerleaders. Not saying that all cheerleaders are airheaded (I happen to know a very intelligent one that rivals me in the brains department..) but when you come down to it, would a SMART person really go "Uhh..Ok! We've got spirit, how 'bout you? We've got spirit, Yes We Do!" These girls are exactly like that. Of course, they're talking about boys. Something I despise since it's just stupid when you realize that the writer's tone and their dialogue mirrors that OF actual preteens. Lizzie McGuire-esque in a way.
Now Ken... Ken is a shitty character. The Jock, the Bad Boy, and Trouble Maker all in one. You're supposed to desire, hate, or adore him. I just don't like him. I don't feel for the character frankly. He doesn't have a charming personality that could appeal to everyone so therefore he sucks in the Teen Movie Category because he's weak when it comes down to it mentally. He's not sly, cool, mysterious... he's just annoying, kind of like a little brother who steals your bras and throws them out the window when someone you know from school is passing by.
Olga Cunnigham is the Stupid Fat Kid. Daisy even writes that. She gives a stereotypical description that FITS to a T what a teen movie would do to someone like Cunnigham. I resented that from the start. This is what really for me, kills the story. Well, not really, but isn't it distasteful that someone is singled out just because of their weight? It's easy to, sure, but is it nice? Honestly speaking, given the author's past comments on fat people, her animosity towards them reflects in her writing, particularly in this character. Doesn't help that Olga's not that impressive either.
Now Jake, I have to admit, is a funny motherfucker, mainly because he cusses like crazy and flirts with the girls every chance he gets, i.e. "Mary, Mary, quite contrary, I agree with your choice in clothes" in regards to her..er, lack of attire. However, even though I like him in those few lines, doesn't change the fact there is NO depth to him.
There isn't any depth to ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS.
In short, I didn't bother to click on next chapter because I wasn't INTERESTED in what Daisy had
wrote in store for me. I knew what would happen anyway.. boy girl situations like these always are typical. Doesn't help that since it's cliched, I KNOW that it'd be piss-boring and utterly awful anyway.
I'm tired and it's like MIDNIGHT here. I know that didn't influence this review at ALL. I'll just do a quick overview of what I thought this story scored, though you might've already guessed what she's going to get.
Originality: Since I've been through that the plot is hackneyed and cliched, you can guess she'll be getting a great score in originality. 1.
Well, I'm getting off since I am FUCKING tired because of this story. Fuck you all if you didn't agree with my review. I dare you to write a review rivaling my own complimenting that story AND sounding remotely intelligent. And no, Daisy, this doesn't apply to you.
In the words of Ken to my beloved Daisy, "You stupid bitch! Thanks for nothing." (Note, this is ACTUAL dialogue taken from HER story that I JUST reviewed..) How so very true, Ken. How so very true.
Title: The Vegeta Story
Camaro's review:
My review? For my dearest little suck up Veema, the epitome of all that embarrasses this pathetic, shit-for-brains site called fanfiction.net. My tiff with her sad self from the beginning??
Her review for MY story Dark Angel. “Now Camaro,” you may think, presuming that my recent trip to the ER was a permanent severing from sanity. “Just what IS wrong with you in that you would find fault in a reviewer?!”
I’ll tell you why my precious pet, the fact that she asked ME to review HER story back. Me. Camaro. Take the time out for a simpleton in order to leave one higher number on her review board. Now, you all know (at least you ought to) that a review is simply a number but on ffnet? It’s a means of getting more. Its not a number! It’s a title! Its dignity and respect, fear and envy. Its something to be desired for the wrong reasons, THUS bringing me to the harsh understanding that people only READ if there is a high number of reviews assuming that it has ANY standing on actual TALENT or content.
Well Veema, your stories are living proof that it doesn’t . Why am I taking it to this level? Because I’m sick of you pathetic, sniveling little embarrassments that beg like cowards for reviews. Reviews are to be EARNED with talent and skill, good story lines and creativity! Not with “Hey, nice story, now review mine!” You didn’t even READ my story! You went to RANDOM stories, saying the same thing in order to gain yourself reviews.
I’ve known shameless losers before, but YOU really stood out in my mind. So I’M going to give you a review YOU HAVE EARNED. You deserve this because it’s the first review you’re getting that you DIDN’T have to beg like a child for.
Another classic my beauty? That’s a joke I assume, since your first story was basically a pathetic joke start to finish or at least, that’s what I hear. Another classic what? Classic example of how this entire fanfiction community falls short of pride or honor? Well, if that’s the case, I bow before you darling. A job well done.
As if having appendicitis wasn’t enough to keep me bed ridden, your story is enough to send me right back into the ER! Low detail usage creates a sort of “children’s pop-up book” rhythm. We’ve all seen the type.
“Goku walked. Goku walked to Vegeta. Goku waved at Vegeta. Vegeta waved at Goku.”
Reads like a driver’s manual my dear. I’d rather watch the same Clear Eyes commercial over and over again for a thousand years than continue reading this but it must be done you see. Our dearest sister Veema has never actually gotten a review she didn’t actually have to whore herself out for, so I’m rewarding her with a freeby. That’s right bitch, you didn’t have to get on your knees for this review. You can actually earn without laying on your back you fucking review whore!
Its so fucking dry, no emotion, no feeling, no character development. Its like trying to seek the deeper meaning of life out of a Doctor Suess book! I’m simply trying to figure if any of these people who review their sentence fragments even make it passed the first two paragraphs. The dialogue is pathetic, every character void of any personality while they spit out one worded answer. You might as well have called it “The Mindless Drone Story” or the “Attack of the Clones Story”. Everyone is the same as everyone else and lets just say, your skills as an author could get Doogie Houser the Pultzer Prize.
“Yamcha liked pretending to be as strong as Vegeta and Goku, but he knew Goku could flatten him in two seconds. He sometimes questioned Vegeta, but he would always not like the answer that Vegeta would bring.”
Wow, and THIS chick has 120 reviews? Hahah lets all take a bow before the WONDERFUL author Veema! The grandest embarrassment of them all. No, seriously chicka, you must be doing some major sexual favors to be loading in numbers like that. Tell me, do you give everyone the link to your XXX webcam too? A peek for a review?
Wanna know why all of your reviews are so short? Because there’s NOTHING worth commenting on!! You can either FLAME and have a BUTTLOAD to say, or you’re sitting there with the same “uhh.. great chapter! Keep em’ coming.” Tell me I’m wrong bitch. PLEASE tell me I’m wrong. I would LOVE you to death if you could even say ONE word of this mother fucker aint the ass smacking truth!
Look at me and tell me that you aren’t so fucking ashamed of your ass right now! And you know it’s the truth. Every one knows it. Everyone’s been saying how pathetic you are and how sad it is that you beg people for reviews. You’re only unfortunate turn is that you had ME to inform you of it since all these other ass fuckers are too polite to do it. You ought to thank me, Veema. I’m just the messenger of many who intend to laugh this one out.
IN FACT Veema dear, if I recall correctly, you even went into your OWN review board and threatened that YOU WOULD NOT be updating unless you got a specific amount of reviews. Now if that’s not what you would consider pathetic, I cant think of much else that is.
And your reviewers? Clones of you. Morons that say the same repetitive things.
“OMG!! I LIKE TOTALLLLY LOVE THIS STORY N STUFF! Its like THE best!”
Intelligent. Really. Half of them cant spell correctly and the rest have OBVIOUSLY never read any other stories. Send them right over, as I’m sure you’ll try. I’d actually like a little war now that I’m too fucking sick to do anything else but put little fucks like you into their proper places.
Points for originality: On this alone I’m giving you a break as this storyline doesn’t seem to have been done before. I’m giving you an 8, but don’t get used to it alright?
Grammar, punctuation and spelling: sucked. But I’m giving you a 4 considering your fans are obviously members of the mentally challenged school and view you as their “drooling-into-a-Styrofoam-cup” leader.
Characters as themselves: I don’t know if they were themselves. I don’t know if they were anyone else. They were boring and stupid and dull. 2
Skill altogether: 1. And you should be sucking that 1’s DICK considering what I WISH I could give your sick, sad ass!
Likeable author: 4 You’re sweet Veema, you are. Which is why it pains me that I had to go to these lengths when others had the opportunity to do so in a civilized manner. But what can I say? You ought to thank me. I’m the first one to be honest with you.
Points accumulated altogether: 19. Congratulations Veema baby! Take a bow for us Princess! You’ve just won another reward for your “classic” story. The lowest score YET accumulated on the Kiss of Hell review board. A trophy you INDEED earned.
Ending remark- You make me sick. You’re whole style makes me sick. If you had just written your story and NOT whored yourself out to every review board on ffnet, sleezing your crummy story around like an advertisement for free blow jobs, WE wouldn’t be having this discussion now would we? And I expect repercussions for my honesty, as all messengers somehow get it up the butt eventually. In fact, I invite it.
But my ending remark is……. You brought this upon yourself.
It starts off with a "Veema brings you another classic;" More like Veema brings you another dud. Already it starts off awful, mainly because of the setting. The U.S. Navy. *cough* Can anyone spell: SEXUALITYPREFERENCESPREDICTION?? Honestly, I could get into this if it weren't for the next thing to happen: Goku shaves his hair on his chin and acts buddy buddy with Yamcha.
Yeah. Excuse me while I gag. It's the dialogue. And plus, what the fuck is with this kid and her inability to commit to more than three sentences a paragraph? What's a matter, honey? The keyboard rape you?
A distasteful odor comes into my mouth and I realize it's because of this story; somehow, someway, I managed to eat it mentally and now all I taste is a cross between pig shit and old leather.
I have a grudge against this girl once I knew her history: she asks for reviews; not by the straightforward way of the author's note, but by a more deceptive, snake-like one. She goes to a person's story, doesn't matter who's, and simply reviews basicly: Great job, review one of mine. And that's how she achieves her popularity, "success," and "fame."
If this girl came across me asking for reviews, I'd probably leave a big dump on her doorstep.
Not only are her writing skills barely above mediocre, not only is her plot hackneyed, but just the way she thinks she knows how to rock the system, reminds me of how corrupt pure things can get. She cheats you and I, but the only thing is, you all seem to agree with it and even accept it. The only reason why she's in power is because you allow her to be.
So paralleled is this world to another. I sigh, roll my eyes, and ice my knees. Stupid little bimbos can transform their positions by way of vaginas and a "please, review my story."
Now for some bashing? Why? Because this girl is the very epitome of what makes talented authors leave. Why is it that SHE is never banned, never harmed, etc. by ff.net...yet many talented, even rarely celebrated authors are? She needs this, this variation of "I must be cruel to be kind."
MY GOD... She has written perhaps the worst fanfic I have ever laid eyes on. Alright, considering my bout with "Suicide", this is probably top two on the list, so guess what Veema? There IS hope for you after all.
Characters: Awful.
The descriptions do not strike me as beautiful or even near poetic, which makes me go "HMMMMM! How did this girl get over 120 reviews then?" The daily average story gets a max of ten reviews per chapter, same as the unnoticed well-written one. So what would make this piece of crap totally blow people's minds out unless there was a textograph of a naked lady that no one wanted to report?
I pause. And I think. And I pause some more. Oh yeeeaaah.. IT'S CUZ SHE'S A WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!
^-^ now that that has been cleared up, the mystery is near being solved: why does she even bother to post if she knows it's crap?
Either she's under the delusion that it's the best thing in the entire world (NOT) or she knows, doesn't care, and wants to gloat over 'how many people like her story.'
Riiight. Suuuure. Like. *coughs in fist* *crickets* Well..isn't this nice weather?
STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID GIRL! Stooopid! STOP SMOKING CRACK! IT MAKES YOU LOOK MORE LIKE AN IDIOT THAN YOU ALREADY ARE! I swear, if I had a PENNY for all the shitheads that thought they were intelligent, I'd be a fucking bazillionaire by now. A BAZILLIONAIRE. You know how much that is? That's like a shitload of pennies!!!! a fucking shitload! I could put all the pennies into the PACIFIC and SWIM in IT. I'd call it my ode to all stupid people, or "The Sea of Stupidity." Out of their leader's honor, of course. Veema, I couldn'ta done it without ya, babe! *winks and clicks tongue*
"Look at me, Look at me! I'm pretty little Veema! I'm cool, I'm a Valley girl, and I'm like..so..fucking..popular on this site! Ha ha ha ha!" *slams her head cooly into the wall* Bitch. I swear..just one fucking penny for one of you.. Bazillionaire. I swear.
But seriously, all flaming aside, this is a good story. You know? I'm sorry. I was just doing all of that as a joke. I love how you molded Vegeta into that roguish character with Bulma as an adventurous-
HA! YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVED ME DIDN'T YOU??? DIDN'T YOU???? Let's stop here and let me laugh a really long time.
*laughs*
...*still laughing*
*banging fist against the table*..
.....*hard time breathing*
..*five minutes and she's still giggling*
whooo!..man, that was fucking funny.. Ahh, now back to busin-*looks at another sentence*
....*bursts out into laughter* I'm, I'm sorry! I CAN'T CONTROL IT!!
Haahahaha, but you know what? I'm not sorry. I congratulate you for making me laugh like I hadn't in a..uhh..probably a week. Mwah, Mwah, call me sometime, alright? Maybe we can go over that sentence in paragraph three? Yeah, that one with Vegeta and, yeah, I really, really liked that one because it just reflected that soft emotion in his eyes..you know? That line? I really thought you put yourself out there in that-
HA! GOT YOU AGAIN! GOT YOU!! YEEEEAAAAHHH!!!! *dances* Neener, neener, neeener!
Love,
Added later when Bunni Girl found out this pathetic little shithole got the idea from Antwoine Fisher:
I will hunt you down, you motherfucker. I will hunt. you. down. I will find you, I will lynch you, and I will bury you by some random guy and watch as hobos hurry to dig you up and rape you. I will hurt you.
That was a great movie and I find out later after that NICE review I left that you did that? You got the plot from that wonderful movie? WHY? WHY FUCKING WHY????
It's settled. Never IM me or email me, or attempt to contact me, because...I'll just find a way to trace it and hunt you DOWN. DOWN, DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN!
^^ kay? So fucking eat shit, you little cuntbag. Go fucking eat shit, go fuck one of your backwater cousins and goats, and talk to me after you've earned a geniune review for a GENIUNE story. Til then, DO NOT TALK TO ME, YOU ASSWIPE OF AN AUTHOR!
Originality: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA....you're kidding, right? ... oh... well.. I could be nice like Camaro and give her a whole number. But I'm not nice like her! ^_^ 1/2. And that's because she got it from the movie.
Grammar, spelling and punctuation: Meh. 1.
Characters either themselves or created as your own: Well, obviously you sucked at that. You probably based them off the movie. If you didn't, and they actually came out of your head, it was a sad attempt. Lock them back up. Either way, they were bland and like a bad Rice Krispies bar. -300.
Skills altogether: ....now, I KNOW you're joking. -200.
Likeable author: Since she's part of the problem, and I hate problems..well..you can get that. Besides, would you like a nitwitty airhead like the one we described?
Total score: -499 1/2..I think. I'm not good at math.
Camero, I understand that you've gone nuts, but you've gone too far. I can understand giving me a flame (not that I like them) but to do it on another site when you had no right, is rediculous! I'm sorry that you were in the hospital, but you don't have to take it out on the rest of the world. You could have sent me an email for all I care, but you didn't, shouldn't have, and didn't HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO WHAT YOU DID! Talk to me, not everyone on the inernet. Now I'll pay that you won't be so cruel to the world and that you're healed of whatever that you had, but prayers don't always work on the evil. Something is obviously wrong with you. Did you have to take your vengance out on me and the rest of the sight? We're just writing fics, not books. You take things too far.
God bless.
Bunni Girl's response:
(Bunni Girl winks and holds opera glasses and whispers, "Welcome to Bunni Girl's Flaming Theatre. Tonight's special is Veema ala Bunni shall roast your ass like it never was roasted before ala cart'e! They'll be singing opera style, a beautiful classic when you use it for the right reasons. Enjoy!" and turns back to look at stage. Stage. Stupid trashy person comes out.)
Guy: *sings* And the little whore named Veema came to the village and said-
Stupid Little Whore named Veema: CAMERO, CAMERO, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE POSTED WITHOUT MY BLESSING!
CamARO: *answers back operatta style* B-iiiiii--iiiii-iittch.... You have forgotten Bunni!
Stupid Little Whore named Veema: Bunni?!
Camaro: Bunni!
Stupid Little Whore named Veema: Bunni?!
Camaro: Yes...Bunni..
Stupid Little Whore named Veema: *long note* I knnoooow nooooo Buuuuunnnnniiiiiii-*is hit by baseball bat*
Camaro: Bitch! Yes, *sings deeply* Bunnniiii. You have forgotten her! Forgotten her! Forgotten her!
Stupid Little Whore named Veema: *bleeding on the ground* *twitches* *strains to sing* I know noo Bun- *hit by an anvil*
Bunni Girl: *above in her seat* *whistles innocently*
Stupid Little Whore named Veema: *gets up* *wobbles around* I..I kn-..know..No.. Bu-*bus hits her*
*whole angry mob comes out of nowhere and has pointy farm-stuff poised at her*
Stupid Little Whore named Veema: *crawls weakly*..uhhh..uhhh... I..
Angry Mob: *twitch upwards*
Stupid Little Whore named Veema: *sings meekly* know no-AHHHH!!!!
*curtain falls* *people clap enthusiastically*
Bunni Girl: *sighs deeply* Now that...was true art.
You see, Veema...you can piss off Camaro and at least you'll know you'll live at the end of the degradation. With me..nuh uh. I have this tendency to try and outdo what Camaro does in reviews because I happen to be much more vile and EVIL (vile in a different form) than what she could ever be. You made a very big mistake. A big one. You went after Camaro when you should've cut me off because I'm the one that REALLY calls for rougher techniques.
Now, I could've just forgot you and been the gentle giant I've always been, believe it or not. But you had to try to have that last word. Funny how that often leads many of our victims to perpetual ruin: the last word. What's yours? God Bless, it seems. So you're a Jesus freak, huh? Where's the acid, baby? I wanna see if I can actually get away with betting with you while you're high that you couldn't have sex with a banana, monkey, and AIDs patient all at once.
As for us and the review; that's none of your damn fucking goat-nipple sucking business. If you really wanted your story to be protected, you should've thought of that before putting it ON THE MOST FUCKING ACCESSIBLE INFORMATION TOOL THIS SIDE OF THE FUCKING TWENTIETH CENTURY, APE SLUT! Unless it's copyrighted and there's a sudden law against writing a review for anything that's accessible and not branded: DON'T FUCKING REVIEW, we'll fucking review our brains out. We'll review our brains out til we're reviewed out. Oh yeah, baby. "Review me, review me, yes, yes, TOUGHER! HARDER! BE A BITCH, BABY, BE A BITCH!" Because we are and will be. No exceptions. No one is safe from our ruthless caress.
And yet you, like so many, have found it convinent to blame the more public of the pair: Camaro. More so, you embarrassed only yourself and what readers you have, by misspelling her name. What the fuck are you doing posting? Go back to fucking kindergarten and learn your A-B-C-s again, you stupid fuck. No one wants to read from a middle-aged woman who can't spell a SIMPLE car name let alone write a good story.
Well, you've only made yourself out to be stupid, you stupid fuck. *sympathetic pats* But it's okay. Society loves people like you. You pick up trash, try and get soda orders right, and are supposed to stay quiet for the rest of your life. It's called retarded, shithead. Learn to be a good one. You're an embarrassment to all dufuses worldwide. Hell, you're an embarrassment to MUD. Mud slinks AWAY from your shoes because they don't want to be associated with you. That's how bad it is. So do yourself a favor, buy an Armani suit, wear a sign, "Not my fault I was born," and dance like a chicken. That's how a person earns a living; not by sitting on their asses, making the most AWFUL-god-forsaken stories in all mankind, flaming someone I dearly care about, and then CONVINENTLY LEAVE OUT THE CRAZY FUCK THAT WANTED YOU RAPED BY HOBOS!
But it's okay..*twiddles fingers* I understand... It's not your fault you're stupid. Nope. Nuh-uh. Blame it on the environment. Blame it on George W. Bush. Blame it on your mom marrying her brother. OOPS! Guess I let out the family secret, huh? *shrugs* oh well! *slaps knee* Guess the family Reunion on Jerry Springer will have to be next year on Sweeps Week when your daughter reveals she's married to a pig and she's been cheating on him with your old boyfriend, Jake.
Hey, by the way, how DID that whole hobo-raping session go? Oh, I forgot. You were dead. My mistake. But still, that had to feel good, right? ^_~ I bet. Those hunky chunky hobos grabbing you like a piece of meat made you feel like a real lady compared to past unsuccessful attempts to lose that virginity by a natural born guy. Face it, your vagina looks too much like your face. Or is that vice versa?..hmmm.. *laughs* Sorry! They're just so easily confused!
We always have the right to do what we did because unlike you, we rock. We rock at almost everything. You? You're a little piddly-pi-po writer on ff.net that doesn't really matter anymore. Sure, a lot of reviews can make you seem good. But when it comes down to it, ff.net will collapse and you'll be banned for probably having so many reviews; who knows?? Those ff.net people are crazy bastards.. *grin*
All I can say is, Princess...Rent La Blue Girl and fast forward it three times over; that's what's gonna happen to you in the sewers when I get you alone. *dangerous smile* For you take a good story idea from a great movie and mutilate it..then the hobos have a go at you. When you mess with us, specifically Camaro...that's when I bitchslap you with everything I've got. Because she means more to me than you mean to everyone else. There's more love in your flippin ASS-PIMPLE for yourself than other people have for you.
She didn't go crazy; I did. *big grin* and believe me, baby, I'd like to take you out sometime. If I know anything, I know you're still a virgin. I know an elephant in town who's really gentle, trust me. Her customers recommend her.
So if you're done PAYING (don't you mean 'praying' or something of the like?) to God maybe you'd realize that if you were just writing fics.. and not books..then it wouldn't fucking matter even if we were reviewing, right? Right? Call me when you get a good answer: (909) 459-2006. Notice that's the year you'll finally come up with a smart reply.
Now, reply and let me fucking tear you up like a bad date.
Love,
::Cringes:: Veema darling, I almost feel sorry for you now. My response?
If you’re going to retaliate FOR GOD’S SAKE SPELL MY NAME RIGHT!! Are you so thick that you cant even do that!?
CamAro! Camaro!! Lets all sound it out together now kids… “Ca-MA-ro!” here bitch, want a gold star? I’m sure it’ll be your first. Let me take this apart piece by piece eh?
Camaro has gone nuts. Oh my dear lord, its an epiphany! By GOD the world as we know it has changed. Jesus BITCH where have you been!? What fucking cockroach has been humping you in the brain SO hard that you missed out on THAT little revelation?! Hello! I’m Camaro! I thrive on being absolutely spontaneously insane. Get a grip kid, you ought to have known THAT by now.
Had no right? HAD NO RIGHT?!?! Would you have rather I posted the whole thing so that OTHERS could read it right off your review board? Signed it so you couldn’t even delete it? What I did was respectful and MOTHER FUCKER how you gonna say that I don’t have any right?! Its MY website. If I wanna jam a fucking banana up my ass and name it VEEMA, take a picture of it and send the link to your MOMMA, I can FUCKING do it! And I have a right! God bless America because it would certainly blow if inane fucks like you were running it.
AND lets talk about this “flamer” stereotype you’ve thrown me into. I’m assuming that you’re going to call anyone who gives you criticism a flamer as most of you jack asses tend to. Lets set this record straight. The stereotypical flamer does NOT 1.) Sign in. Does NOT 2.) Leave their name, their email address, site AND stories. And a typical flamer does NOT 3.) Give you good advice.
I did all three baby. What you gonna say to that?
Don’t have to take it out on the rest of the world? OF FUCKING COURSE I HAVE TO!! Because that’s what I do! I don’t give up when people piss me off or when the world dry fucks me up the ass! I GET BACK AT ANYONE I FUCKING FEEL LIKE! You just happened to be an innocent bystander that happened to be ridiculously shameless and pissed me off.
And sent you an email? Come on you imbred, you must have seen THIS one coming. If you weren’t so bloody THICK in that amazingly deficient head of yours, you would realize that YOUR email address is NOT on your profile page. Geez!! WOULD YA THINK?!!
You’re making this too damn easy chicky poo.
“Now I'll pay that you won't be so cruel to the world and that you're healed of whatever that you had,”
::throws on feather boa and grabs walking stick::
“Ho!! You BESS’ pay up!? Where’s my fucking money bitch?!!”
Cripes kid, if you’re going to flame back at least TRY to save yourself a little dignity. I feel like I’m having a tiff with a toddler. You’re out of your league on this one kid. Way out.
But I’m going to assume that you meant “pray” for me. Here precious, let me go get my crucifix and rosary beads. What the fuck?! What kinda come back is that?! “Oh, I’ll pray for the world that it doesn’t have to suffer at the mercy of the almighty bitch Camaro.” You watch too much television.
Prayers don’t always work on the evil. ::rolls eyes:: AGAIN I say WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! Of course I’m evil! I pray on small simpletons like you with nothing better to do than flood the world with your filthy incompetence. Only, I have honor and pride Veema, something you betrayed LONG ago, which MADE you a victim of my temper. YOU HAD IT COMING. In fact, you might as well have asked me for it.
And dear, its SITE not sight. ::slaps forehead:: And yes, by the way, I have gone too far. I always do. And I take things too seriously? Look at you and your sad self? All giving yourself another review just to piss me off. It was MY opinion Veema. Mine! I don’t have to ask permission to give it or to paste it on my review board. I thought it was rather kind of me to just put it here and if you decided on your own that you wanted to find it, so be it then. But if you want the review on your board, just say so, and I’ll get RIGHT on that.
So why don’t you try again babe? Retaliate. Please. I find it so fascinating that every time you do you only confirm my assumptions about you. That you’re a fool with no pride or honor. I may be a bitch, but I have certain rules that I’ve lived by, morals and values that I hold sacred. What’s your excuse?
Explain to your friend lalaloser exactly how my name is spelt as she apparently didn’t have the good sense enough to go look for herself. And sending some stupid ass dork over to MY story? Really quite impertinent of you. Do yourself a fucking favor and drop this bitch. You’ll never win.
Never.
Love
Camaro
Grammar, spelling and punctuation: Since I saw HORRIBLE errors, there weren't that many. Granted, there were a lot, but not many. So I'll give you a 6. Do I want to? No.
Characters either themselves or created as your own: One dimensional, predictable, uncharming, and sad/pathetic. 2, and that's because you bothered to give them names.
Skills altogether: 3's my favorite number, you know. My favorite and lucky one. Why should I give it to her so she can score higher? Nope. The skills she have, while not horrible, deserve a solid five. Honestly, that's it. 1-10, a five's mediocore and just barely tolerable to me.
Likeable author: Not likeable at all. Slut didn't even READ my flame to her (and it was a fucking good one too! I worked an hour on it.. of course, she MOCKED me for that. Bitch.) If one is the lowest I go, so be it. 1.
Total score altogether: 15 out of the possible 50 Daisy could've gotten. Pretty sad, isn't it? But she deserved it anyway! :P
Author: Veema
Review:
"Let's see..noose, razor, pills, or the good ole fashioned bad fanfic?"
Plot: Awful.
Dialogue: AW-FUL.
Originality: Awwwww-fulllll.
Stupidity: Harvard Degree.
Bunni Girl
Bunni Girl
Camaro