Rating: NC17

Pairing: Buffy/Faith

Spoilers: Season Four

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and I make no money off this.

Summary: Buffy admits her feelings and it's up to Faith to make a choice.

I'm so fucking pissed. I can't believe she dared to say anything like that.

When I woke up from that extended sleep or coma or whatever the only thing I wanted to do was get to the Mayor. He was the only one who really looked out for me and I wanted to look out for him. Sure, he was evil but at least he cared. I can't say the same for anyone else.

Now that he's dead I really have no one.

There isn't a chance anyone came to visit me when I was out. I was in an area of the hospital that seemed to be forgotten. It was pure luck that there was that woman around my size wandering down my hall the same time I was.

Lucky for me anyway. Not so lucky for her.

Hey, what was I going to do? Walk out of the hospital in just that gown that kept threatening to show my ass? No way was I doing that. I don't need people checking out the goodies unless I want 'em to.

I walked around this crappy town for a couple hours trying to get my bearings and before I even knew what the hell was going on I was outside of Giles' place, looking in the window. I'll be damned if I didn't see that Buffy had a new guy in her life. She kept hanging on him, too, which only got me angry at the whole situation.

She tried to fucking gut me for someone she's not even with anymore!

They got the call that I was awake when I was watching them and I took that as my cue to get outta there. The last thing I needed was for them to find me right outside the door. Where's the fun in that? I did need to get cleaned up and maybe find some better clothes so I took off.

My apartment, the one the Mayor got me, wasn't mine anymore so I went back to the motel and hijacked a room but not before I got into a shop and got some better clothes. If I was gonna throw down with B the next morning I wanted to look good.

What I did not expect that when I stepped out of the bathroom, fresh from a shower, was Buffy waiting for me.

"Come for a show?" I asked sarcastically since I was only in a towel.

She just stood there with her arms crossed for a minute, looking me over. It felt like judgment to me and it made my skin crawl. I wanted to drop my towel and get dressed but I wasn't completely sure she was alone.

Like I said, no one gets to see the goods unless I want them to.

The first words out of her mouth made me want to pass out in shock. "Are you okay?"

It takes me a second to get over the question but I didn't expect her to pretend like she gave a shit. "Five by five, B. I woke up in case you didn't notice. Then again, I don't think you ever visited so how would you know."

"Faith, I . . ."

"Save it, B. You get to move on with your life, get a new boy toy, and what do I get? I get left behind. Again."

"Faith . . ."

"You get everything and I get nothing and that's how you always want it, right?"

"I loved you, Faith."

That got me to stop ranting but it only made me angrier. She'd say anything to catch me off guard and that was a low blow. "What the fuck do you want me to say to that?"

Buffy took a step toward me and I really wanted to get some clothes on and get out of there. "B, if we're gonna throw down now, and we will throw down, I need to get some clothes on. Unless you really wanna wrestle naked."

She blushed then backed away. "I won't turn you in right away. Not until we talk."

"Then I guess we won't be talking."

I looked away toward clothes and when I looked back she was gone.

That bitch sure knew how to fuck with my head. Because of her I couldn't relax at all the rest of the night. I got dressed and even broke into another room just in case she got any ideas of trying to come back.

I couldn't even sleep the entire night. My mind kept going back to what she said and trying to figure why she said it. There wasn't any chance it was true so I wanted to figure out her motive for saying it. Was it a way to get me on her side so I'd go with her willingly? Or was it just to toy with me since I had a thing for her pre-coma.

But she didn't know about that. Or did she?

By the time morning came around it was morning and I'd only managed a short nap but I knew I couldn't stick around. B would be coming back and I didn't want to talk to her unless it was on my terms. I wanted to be the one to catch her off guard.

I had a few hiding spots no one really knew about, places I could be alone without anyone finding me, so I used them for the entire day. Not that anyone was probably looking for me that hard. They all had their busy lives and stupid, dopey looking boyfriends.

As soon as night came I was so angry at what happened with her the night before that I wanted her to hurt. Her words had hurt, even though I would never admit it to anyone. To me it meant that things could've been different and she was throwing it in my face, basically telling me everything was my fault yet again.

The problem I had was that I didn't know where she was on campus. I wasn't about to start walking around asking where Buffy Summers' room was. That would cause too much attention to myself and I wanted the element of surprise.

So I did the next best thing: I went to her house which is where I am right now, standing in front of the door. There's a couple lights on so I know her mom is home and I don't know what I'm doing. All I know is I want Buffy to hurt.

I shake off everything except for that hurt, focusing on it, and knock on the door. Nothing happens for a few seconds but then the door opens to reveal . . . B.

"Come in here, Faith." Buffy grabs me and pulls me inside and shutting the door.

She's not acting like I thought she would and I can't help but notice that she's here and not at the dorms. I look around and I think we're alone. What the hell did she do with Mrs. S? Did she really ahead and guess where I'd go and what I'd do?

"I knew you'd come here," she says, "so I made sure we'd be alone so we could get everything out. If that means we have to fight and I have to take you to jail so be it."

"Why the fuck did you say that last night?"

"Because I meant it, Faith," she says and she looks both hurt and frustrated with me. "I know you're confused at what's going on and I know we were getting close before everything happened. You felt something for me . . . and I wanted you to know what I felt."

"Felt?"

"I don't know." She has a look on her face that I can't even begin to identify. "What I do know is that there's a bunch of cops looking for you and I'm sure the Council's not far behind. I told the gang that if I found you first I'd figure out how to handle this without using either option. Not unless I have to."

"Figure this out?" I ask. "You mean how you're gonna deal with me? I'm so sad I'm taking away the precious time you spend with that new beefstick. Some love of your life Angel was."

"Don't talk about things you know nothing about and stop trying to change the subject." Buffy walks right up to me and gets in my personal space. "Yes, Faith. I want to help. We don't need to fight. You just need to tell me how to help."

I lean in so our faces are only a couple inches apart. "Stop fucking lying to me about how you feel."

B only looks at me for a second and I give her credit for not backing away. I'm trying my best to make her uncomfortable but then she goes and tries to do the same to me. She closes what little distance there is between us and kisses me.

You know, a little over a year ago when I first showed my face in Sunnydale I would've killed for Buffy Summers to make a move on me. I don't know if it was 'cause of the fact she seemed untouchable or that she was smokin' hot or that she got all kindsa cute when I made her nervous but I wanted her.

You always want what you can't have, right?

Hell, if she could use what I felt against me I could see how far I could push her. B's only doing this so . . . you know, I have no idea why she doing this other than she's just being a bitch. I decide to respond by wrapping my arms around her tightly so she can't get away and do my best to deepen the kiss.

I expect her to try to pull away but that's not what happens. Instead she not only lets me deepen the kiss she initiated but I hear her moan a second later. That makes me wonder if she's actually telling the truth.

Maybe she did love me.

Now is not the time for me to be thinking that though 'cause I still want to know how far I can take this. For all I know I'm gonna either be dragged to jail the next morning or will have to run from some less than pleasant Council morons. If this is gonna be my last night of freedom I'm definitely gonna do everything I can to feel every single inch of her.

My lungs are screaming for air when we break away but I latch my lips onto her neck quick. There'll be time to breathe later, probably when she comes to her senses. Her skin tastes amazing and I have never thought something like that before. What the hell is she doing to me?

"Faith," she moans out quietly and the way she moans my name is probably the biggest turn on ever. She needs to be doing more of that.

I start kissing her again and she starts to respond to me almost instantly. I feel her arms move around me and then there's a hand in my hair. It's like I stepped into the twilight zone.

"Faith," she says again when we break away and I'm sure it's all over. She's come to her holier-than-thou senses and I'm gonna have to either run or go to jail. "Let's go upstairs."

If there was anything she could say that might actually make me both lose my mind and pass out, that was it right there. Part of me wants to stop and get an explanation from her. Just like everything that comes from her this feels like a trap. The rest of me wants her so bad though that I push any doubts I have aside. Even if this blows up in my face at least I'll have the memory of fucking Buffy Summers to keep me warm at night.

I'm not even the one leading the way. B grabs my arm and before I realize it we're running to her room.

At this point I don't know what to think. If this is one big setup she's taking it a little far. She's gotta know by now that I'm not going to be the one to blink first and that I'm dying to see her naked. I caught glimpses of her here and there when we were training at the high school but I didn't wanna get all pervy on her. There needed to be some form of consent involved.

Now that's not a problem 'cause once we're in her room she's getting rid of both of our clothes at warp speed. Once she has both of our tops removed though I put my arms around her and kiss her to slow her down. I don't want this to be over too soon.

"I wanted you last year," she says between kisses. "I just . . . it's messed up."

I don't say anything to that 'cause I don't know what I could possibly say. Do I dare admit that for a couple of months my world revolved around her? All I thought about was what it would be like to have my naughty little way with her. Sure, that was after I started working for the Mayor but there were some thoughts before then, too.

Her bra's the next thing to go then mine and then her hands are hurriedly unbuttoning my pants and pulling them down. I help by kicking them off, continuing to kiss her 'cause I think I've become addicted to it. Once her pants are off I lift her up after that and all but throw onto the bed, climbing on it a moment after.

"B, I don't know what's going on or what's gonna happen tomorrow." I move so I'm hovering over her as she lies on the bed. "But I really wanna fuck you right now."

"I wanted to last night."

She crushes our bodies together at that point and it's an almost constant fight of who's going to be in control. B tries to flip us whenever she thinks she's going to catch me off guard but I hold steady in keeping her pinned to the bed.

I don't want her to move until I've done everything to her.

Her hands grip me as I move down her body, kissing, licking and even biting a little along the way. I want to mark her, leave her something to remember me by. If I could tattoo "Faith was here" on her I would but this will have to do.

B moans out as I start kissing her breasts and sucking on her nipples, something I like just as much as she does. I don't know what is about her but I can't get over how soft she is, how her skin tastes. Hell, I can't even get over the fact she's letting me do all this. She's even trying her best to get my panties off even though I'm doing a damn good job of distracting her.

I start to kiss her stomach when B stops moaning long enough to speak up. "Faith, I need you to fuck me."

Where the hell was this chick last year? I like her a whole lot better than the one I was stuck with, all righteous and pining over a vampire with a soul.

"Yes, ma'am," I say as I use my slayer strength to do something good for once: ripping off her panties with one strong tug.

There's no more foreplay. My fingers go right where both of us want them as I start to kiss her again and for the first time I find out just how soaked she is. I slide around in her wetness, move against her clit a little so I can her moan out my name, and then I'm pushing into her.

"Oh, Faith!"

"You feel amazing, B," I manage to get out and it's probably the most honest thing I've said so far. I've imagined what it would be like to fuck her but I could never have imagined this.

Since there's no way I could go slow, not when she feels so good, so I start up a fast pace and her body moves with it. I move so I'm kissing her neck and shoulder and try to concentrate on making her come as hard as she ever has. This is what I want her to think about the next time she's with her boy toy or anyone else in the future. I want her to think of me.

I thought I had her thoroughly distracted by giving my all but she's apparently learning to multitask 'cause I feel her hand suddenly in my panties. Her fingers search until they press against my clit and I almost have to stop what I'm doing her fingers are so good. I end up moaning out into the pillow beneath B in order to keep up the pace. If I was looking at her though I know she probably had a smirk on her face.

Two of her fingers push into me and it almost makes me come right then. I keep myself from doing that though and instead move to look down at her again. "You're full of surprises, aren't you?"

B moans out as I thrust harder but continues to move her fingers in me as well. "I want you to come with me, Faith."

There's nothing I can say to that. I only manage a smirk before I start kissing her again. We move together as we both moan out between all the kissing. My lips seem to want to always be pressed against some part of her and right now kissing seems to be the easiest. That way I can see the look on her face. I think she wants to look into my eyes, too. Maybe she thinks she'll be able to see something there.

Does she really think I'm a deep person or something? When she looks into my eyes, and whenever we break away that's all she's doing, it feels like she's trying to see into every part of me. All I do when we break apart to gasp and moan out is to see if I can see the disappointment in her eyes when she sees nothing in mine.

Before I even realize it my orgasm overtakes me and hers does, too. We scream out as we continue to move against each other and I can honestly say it's the hardest I've ever come. B makes it last for as long as she can but soon we slow to a stop and remove our fingers from each other, making us both moan out again.

Her arms wrap around me so I'm stuck where I am on top of her for a moment and we look into each other's eyes. Only a second of doing scares the hell out of me though. The only thing I see is love, I see that she cares for me, and I have to lean down and kiss her gently for it to stop.

That's not what I want to see. It's the last thing I want to see.

She releases her grip enough for me to move off her and she pulls the blankets over us. B smiles softly, mumbles something about sleep, and turns away from me but I know she doesn't want to leave. I think she knows I don't have anywhere to go so I do something I've never done: cuddle.

It's a little awkward, to me anyway, but I move so I'm pressed against her back and I drape an arm over her. I hear a little sigh come out of her but I know that it's a good one. She places a hand over the one I have on her stomach and is asleep within a matter of minutes.

All I do for a while is listen to her sleep. I concentrate on it, remember that at one point I wanted to kill her and now I just fucked her. It's all so confusing to me but part of that might be the effects of the coma I was just in. I never was checked out by a doctor since that would've meant sticking around and having to deal with the police.

I can't sleep. I'm too wired from the fact I just had the one person that I never thought I could and because I don't know what's going to happen next. I don't what B's going to do in the morning. Will I be going straight to the police station? I know she won't turn me over to the Council. She hates them as much as anyone. Is there a third option?

A part of me wants to wake her up and ask her but it's only been about an hour. Then again, if she's awake we can fool around a little more.

My hand slowly moves from her stomach up to her breast. I give it a little squeeze as I start to place light kisses on her back that are so gentle I even surprise myself. What the hell has she done to me?

"Mmm, aren't you tired?" B asks quietly as I continue to kiss her.

"Kinda been asleep for months already," I respond as I hold her a little tighter. "Don't know what'll happen if I fall asleep either."

She takes the hand I have on her breast and holds it in hers. "I don't want you to go."

I don't know what she means by that and I don't know how to ask her about it. I've never been very good with words. Action is more my style.

When the silence stretches out and she must know I'm not going to respond she turns around to face me. I can see everything in her eyes and it scares me. There isn't any chance that she was lying about having loved me. Maybe she still does and it's all right there in front of me.

"Did you hear me?" she asks quietly. "I don't want you to go. We can figure everything out without you running or going to jail. The police wouldn't know what to do with a slayer anyway. You could overpower any cop. We both could."

"I don't know what you expect from me, B, but . . ."

She cuts me off by kissing me lightly and when we break away there's a look of determination on her face. "I know everything is confusing and different and there's so many problems. But we can fix them and you can be part of the team again. We can do this together, Faith."

I suddenly realize that if I really wanted B to hurt I have the perfect opportunity. She's shown all of her cards, put herself completely out there for me, and I have everything I need to get the upper hand. Everything's in place if I want to crush her. All I have to do is say that what we just did is just a fuck and that I'm leaving Sunnydale.

It would be a lie for me to say there wasn't a part of me that wants to go through with that option. There's a part of me that keeps making me think about the past and all the times she shut me out or made me feel unwanted. Then there's a part that starts telling me how bad I am and shows me everything I've done wrong, whether it's killing Finch or stealing back in Boston. Finally, there's a part that tells me to go for it because laying here with her made all the feelings I had come rushing back. It keeps telling me to take a chance.

All these voices flood my head and I shut my eyes tightly, trying to get them to shut them out when I feel B take me into her arms. I wonder if she knows what's going on in my head. If she does, I hope she can make it stop 'cause I sure as hell can't. I don't know what to do.

"It's gonna be hard here, I won't lie about that," she whispers to me. "But if you can admit what you've done some bad things and want to make up for them, I'll protect you from anything. I know everyone will come around." She pauses for a second. "I love you, Faith."

I move away from her just enough to see how badly she wants this and at that moment everything becomes clear. "Okay, Buffy."

B grins and then we're kissing and it feels right. I even allow myself to relax in her arms because I'll know it'll be different this time.

Buffy loves me.