Buffy didn't sleep the entire night. Even though her contact with Faith had been minimal, there was something about it that had her thinking. The way she talked about what she wanted to do to her made Buffy think there was more to what Faith was saying. It made the feeling she had that the younger slayer wasn't being completely honest with her much stronger.

When she first met Faith, the other woman had been outspoken with the fact she could get anyone she wanted. Buffy soon found out it was one thing she was truthful about. She could charm the pants off of anybody, including the older slayer herself. The thing that got her thinking was that Faith restrained herself last night. She had to have known as much as Buffy that a little sweet talking and she would have been hers. The fact that she didn't it made Buffy think there was something more.

She needed to talk to Faith about it and needed to now but didn't want to bust in on her in the middle of the night. She also didn't want to know what Faith was doing or more to the point, who she was doing. Buffy knew she shouldn't be jealous, that she didn't have the right, but she was anyway. She had begun to think of Faith as hers.

When she got back from patrolling, Willow was already asleep and she didn't want to wake her with her latest drama. Instead, Buffy stared at her ceiling until dawn then got up quietly without waking her roommate. Once she got showered and dressed, she snuck out of her room, set on seeing Faith.

On her way to the motel, Buffy became more and more nervous. She had no idea what she was doing but she knew she had to call Faith on her lies. There was something else there, something unspoken between them. She knew it somehow and hoped that if she pushed, Faith would tell her.

Finally, she reached the other slayer's room and knocked sharply on the door. Buffy figured Faith was probably still sleeping so she knocked loudly a couple more times when she didn't hear anything from inside the room. After the third knock, she heard a small crash from inside the room followed by a string of curses.

The door swung open violently to reveal a disheveled Faith. She looked at Buffy through half open eyes. "Someone better be dead, B."

Buffy pushed past Faith and entered the room. "No one's dead."

Faith closed the door and turned around, glaring at her but still looking half asleep. "Then what are you doing here? It's fucking early."

Buffy glared right back. "No more bullshit, Faith. Why did you come back?"

"I told you."

"No, you're not telling me anything." Buffy took a deep breath, preparing herself and hoping she finally found the right words. "So I'll tell you something. I don't know why I kissed you that first night. That's the truth. I don't think I'll ever know. But once I did, I wanted to keep kissing you."

"Then why stop?" Faith put her arms out in a sarcastic welcoming gesture. "I'm right here."

"You left," Buffy continued without even acknowledging Faith, "and it hurt. I didn't think you leaving would bother me as much as it did but I started to get used to what we had. I wasn't sure what it was and by graduation, I knew I needed to talk to you because it started to feel different to me but I guess you didn't feel that way. You left. You didn't even end whatever we were doing, you didn't say goodbye. You were just gone."

Faith started to show a little emotion at the comment, a pained look in her eyes as she looked to be fully awake now. "I didn't want to hurt you, B."

"Then why?" Buffy's voice started to get louder. "I know you weren't going on vacation because you love slaying and there's an endless supply of vampires here. You wouldn't just need a break from slaying."

"So maybe I didn't." Faith crossed her arms in an effort to look calm and disinterested but it wasn't working. Her eyes were betraying her, showing the conflict of emotions she was dealing with. "So what?"

"Because that can only mean you wanted to get away from me, that you wanted to take a break from me . . . and you didn't tell me!" Buffy walked up and screamed the last part in Faith's face, knowing she had lost her cool but not caring at all.

Faith reached out and grabbed Buffy's upper arms. It was so sudden Buffy's body stiffened at the action. She leaned in inches from her face, sneering but not looking angry, only pained and panicked. "I was scared!" Her voice was loud and strained and her hold on Buffy's upper arms grew tighter as she looked into Buffy's wide eyes. "Haven't you gotten that yet?"

Her voice suddenly went to even and emotionless and Buffy could barely process the change. Faith suddenly let go of her and took a couple steps back, maybe realizing how tightly she was holding onto her. She even lowered her eyes, refusing to look at Buffy further.

"Faith?" Buffy didn't know what to say. She could only watch the other slayer, not knowing what she would do or say next.

"God, B," Faith sighed angrily. "You fucking stayed. Get that? You stayed and I let you." She laughed sarcastically. "I even fucking liked it." She looked back at Buffy. "Do you get that? People don't stay the night, B. I don't let them."

"Faith . . ." Buffy tried to interject, not sure what Faith was saying or doing, but the other woman carried on without even acknowledging she had said anything. It was like she wasn't even speaking to her, only thinking aloud.

"I don't get attached. It's one of the very few things I'm good at." She looked at Buffy quickly before turning away again. "I was never going to stay in Sunnydale very long but you . . . you had to treat me as an equal, a friend. And then there was when we started fucking and I thought it was incredible I met someone who was a 'get some, get gone' girl like me. Then you fucking stayed."

Buffy waited silently as Faith paused, not knowing what to say or if she should say anything. It didn't look like Faith would even hear her if she did anyway. The younger slayer almost looked like she was in a trance.

"I liked that you stayed," Faith said as she started to pace. "I liked that your arm rested across my stomach the entire night and that your breath hit my ear as you slept, that your legs tangled with mine." She stared at Buffy with crazed eyes. "I can't even believe I'm telling you this 'cause there's no way to make you understand." She paused. "You're nothing like me."

She stopped talking for a second, like she was trying to think of what to say next. "It scared the shit outta me 'cause I'm not supposed to want that. I never have and I never wanted to. I want to be on my own. So how can I like all that, B? How?"

"Faith, I . . ."

"I didn't know what I was fucking doing. Get that? I couldn't stay like that. I had to leave."

Faith stopped talking and looked away from Buffy, keeping her eyes on the floor. Her brow was furrowed, like she was thinking, and she was still lightly pacing. Buffy waited for a minute and decided the other woman was done talking.

Buffy slowly walked toward Faith, feeling the overwhelming urge to comfort her. She couldn't believe she finally knew why Faith left and it was something she never would have expected from her. Now though, the younger woman looked uneasy and maybe even a little frightened.

She rarely saw Faith frightened. The only time she could remember was when she first came to Sunnydale. Once her ordeal was over, her fear of Kakistos gone, Buffy hadn't seen that from Faith again. She almost didn't recognize the look on her face right now and if she hadn't known Faith would never hurt her, she would be scared as well. She looked like she was capable of anything at the moment.

As she got closer to her, Faith started to look like she felt cornered. She started to back away from Buffy, looking like she wanted nothing to do with the situation now that she had told Buffy everything she'd been keeping from her. Buffy saw the look but ignored it as she got closer still. She knew if she did, they wouldn't address the issue of their shaky relationship. Finally, she got within a couple feet from her and reached out to touch the side of her face.

"B, don't." Faith jerked her head away from Buffy's hand, refusing to look at her. She almost tried to take another step back but had reached the wall and couldn't move anywhere else. "Just leave."

"It's okay, Faith," Buffy whispered, moving her hand so it cupped the side of her face. She used her thumb to wipe away a couple stray tears that had fallen onto her cheek. Her other arm slid around her waist and gently pulled her closer, trying to be as nonthreatening as possible. "It's okay."

Faith furrowed her brow and tried to pull away from Buffy for a few more seconds before giving into the embrace. Her body sagged forward, almost collapsing into Buffy arms. She wrapped her arms around the older woman's waist and buried her head in her shoulder. Faith even started to sob quietly though it looked like she was still trying to hold it together, fighting her emotions.

Buffy kept a tight hold of Faith, amazed at what was happening. She had never seen her cry like this before and was stunned. She felt like she should say something about it but decided to hold back, afraid at what Faith would say if she did. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin the moment. Instead, she rubbed her back gently with one hand while the other was placed on the back of her head.

"Don't worry about anything right now, Faith. I'm here."

******

Buffy woke up about an hour later on Faith's bed. The other slayer was next to her, on her side and facing her. Buffy took in the room's surroundings before turning and moving closer to Faith.

After Faith had finally told her why she left, Buffy had just held her for a few minutes, consoling her quietly, before moving them over to the bed. She laid both of them down and Faith quickly went to sleep. Buffy couldn't blame her: she had woken the other slayer incredibly early.

Buffy wondered what exactly she was doing. She thought that once Faith and her talked they could get back to being friends but that wasn't what she felt like doing right now. It felt like there might be something more to what they had and Buffy wasn't sure if she could deal with that. She sure didn't know if Faith could.

The younger woman had looked so fragile before and Buffy didn't want to push her into anything. She only hoped Faith would react positively when she made her next attempt to talk about their potential relationship or lack thereof. If Faith's last rant was any indication, she would respond in some way since she'd already told her everything and Buffy was still there.

Buffy's eyes wandered over Faith for a couple minutes, noticing that she was somewhat curled up and looked like she might not be having the soundest of sleep. Before she realized what she was doing, Buffy reached out and gently pulled Faith into her arms. The brunette slayer stiffened for a second before relaxing and moving into her as a response.

She continued thinking about their situation for another half hour about what to do next until Faith groaned and moved around slightly. Buffy turned her full attention to the other woman, waiting patiently for her to open her eyes while continuing to hold her close.

Faith very slowly opened them and turned her head toward Buffy, looking at her curiously. "Good morning." Her voice sounded more confused than anything else and she still looked very tired.

"Good morning to you, too." Buffy gave her a small smile and resisted the urge to kiss Faith, still not knowing how she would react. "Sleep okay?"

"Uh, yeah." Faith stared at her with wide eyes. "That last little talk we had wasn't a dream, was it?"

"No." Buffy shook her head and kept her smile, wanting Faith to feel comfortable.

Faith continued to look into her eyes with a mixture of seriousness and curiosity. "Why are you still here?"

Buffy furrowed her brow, confused by her question. She let go of Faith and moved away a little, thinking she might have made the wrong move at being so close. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Faith shrugged, seemingly unfazed by Buffy's reaction. "I figured you wouldn't take all that too well. I thought you would just let me get back to sleep and leave. Maybe you had better things to do."

"I didn't expect you to say what you did but I'm not gonna leave because of it. I wouldn't just ditch you without talking about it. You should know better than that." Buffy voice was calm yet apprehensive, making sure she said the right words.

Faith didn't say anything for a moment before looking at Buffy calmly. "Not really."

Buffy thought for a few seconds, wondering what to say. "Why is that? We've known each other for over a year."

"I don't know . . . guess we didn't talk all that much. We didn't hang outside of the slaying, at least not the two of us. I mean, with us I guess it was either slaying or fucking."

"Maybe we don't have to describe it like that," Buffy said with a quiet laugh, shaking her head at Faith's comment.

"That's what it was though, right? It didn't seem like much more than that, especially thinking about it now. I even tried not to think about it."

"I wish we had gotten to know each other better right from the start . . . been better friends to each other." She stopped for a second, realizing something. "I used you."

"How's that?" Faith asked the question with confusion in her voice, like it was the last thing she expected to hear from the older slayer.

"That whole time we were . . . together, I was using you to forget everything." She looked away. "I was so out of it and you made me forget all that shit going on around me. When I was with you, everything went away and that's the reason I kept coming back."

Faith looked down as well. "I figured it was something like that but I didn't care. I tried not to think about why you were there and focused on the fact you were in my bed, letting me fuck you."

"Again you describe it like that." Buffy laughed.

"Well, yeah." Faith grinned. "There was also you fucking me." She put a hand on Buffy's side apprehensively. "That was pretty hot."

"Maybe." Buffy blushed. "But don't you think that's messed up? That we weren't thinking?" Buffy looked back at Faith with thoughtful eyes.

"Story of my life, really." Faith smiled sarcastically. "B, you know I don't like all the touchy feely shit that goes along with fucking someone every night for over a month. So . . . I didn't think about it."

Buffy nodded. "I didn't either. Do now though." She continued to look into her eyes. "I didn't want to use you like that. After the fight, I wanted to talk to you about it."

"I wouldn't have let you."

"Why not?"

Faith shrugged again. "I don't like talking. I don't like discussing feelings and . . . relationships. It makes me feel weak. I just wouldn't have let you."

"Well, I'm glad you're letting me now then." Buffy grinned warmly then reached out without thinking and lightly brushed a few stray hairs away from Faith's face.

Faith grinned, flashing her dimples. "Are we just friends? 'Cause that didn't seem like a 'friend' thing to do. In fact, I don't know if holding me the way you were when I woke up would be considered a friend thing either."

"They both could be considered that." Buffy grinned back, know exactly where Faith was going with her comment. "You looked like you needed it."

"Maybe." Faith kept her grin. "How 'bout this?" She leaned in and lightly brushed her lips against the other woman's. She only let it last a couple seconds before pulling away.

Buffy closed her eyes as Faith kissed her and slowly opened them as she pulled away. The younger slayer was waiting for her reaction with a raised eyebrow. Buffy smirked and shifted so she was a little closer. "I don't think that's something a friend would do."

Buffy moved the rest of the way and rested her forehead against Faith's. She put a hand on Faith's waist and slowly moved it up her side while leaning in and kissing her back.

"Mmm," Faith mumbled as they pulled away from each other. "I guess we're not friends then."

"No." Buffy shook her head. She pulled Faith to her and into her arms again.

With every second that went by, Buffy's feeling that she wanted more with Faith kept getting stronger. With the way Faith was acting, she felt she might not be the only one and she was starting to feel overjoyed with that.

Faith laughed. "What do you want from me, B?"

Buffy shrugged. "What do you want?"

"I don't know." Faith looked into her eyes seriously, her mood changing. "I don't know what to do." Her body suddenly stiffened and she attempted to move away.

Buffy tightened her hold and kissed her quickly, hoping to calm her. "What are you doing?"

Faith put her head on Buffy's shoulder as her body relaxed again. "I don't know."

"Do you want me to go?"

She lifted her head, her disappointment at the question evident. "Do you have to go?" She looked at the clock on her nightstand. "Do you have a class or something?"

"No," Buffy chuckled quietly. "Not until later today and that wasn't what I meant." She moved Faith so she could look into her brown eyes and caressed the side of her face, hoping to show her that she didn't need to be so afraid. "You're freaked out and you don't need to be."

"I don't know what we're doing."

"I don't either," Buffy admitted, "but I think that's okay."

Faith turned her head and kissed Buffy's palm. "How is that okay?"

Buffy took a breath and rolled them so she rested on Faith instead of them being side by side. "Let me ask you this question: do you like this?"

"It doesn't suck."

The older slayer laughed. "Maybe we should just try this out, whatever 'this' is."

"So what are we supposed to do? Hang out and have lots of sex?"

"I think there's more to it than that." Buffy smiled sweetly at her. She was thrilled Faith was being open to what she was saying. It made her hopeful this idea would work, that they could be together.

Faith put her arms around Buffy and moved her hands up and down her back. She moved her legs apart just enough for the other woman to fall between them. Buffy giggled at the action and Faith did as well.

"Not really what I had in mind, Faith." Buffy gave her a quick kiss. "Maybe this can be one of the hang out times."

Faith responded by putting a hand on the back of her head and pulling her down for a kiss. Buffy responded instantly, deepening the kiss, their tongues sliding across each other as they actively explored each other's mouths. The two of them only managed separate when they needed to breathe, their foreheads resting against each other's.

"Sure you don't want to go any further?"

"Yeah, I think so." Buffy smiled down at her.

"Not even if we go to your dorm room?" Faith waggled her eyebrows, keeping a hand firmly behind the other woman's head.

Buffy grinned slyly, knowing Faith could tell she knew something the other woman didn't. "Willow's my roommate now."

"What?" Faith let go of Buffy's head and furrowed her brow in confusion.

She laughed at Faith's shocked and confused expression. "What? A lot's happened in the last few weeks."