Chapter 16
Spike huddled deeper in
his clack leather duster. Her mumbled under his breathe about stupid whelps and
their ideas. The arena’s seats were ice cold and hard as nails. Spike couldn’t
get comfortable as he watched the room fill up with spectators. It was Saturday
mid morning and Xander dragged him to a local ice skating competition, in hopes
to get a lead on Buffy’s whereabouts. Spike didn’t want to be here, he’d rather
be at home, sleeping in his warm bed that still smelled sweet, like Buffy.
Being here reminded him of her. Of watching her practice with her coach. The
loops, lutzes, combos, spins, turns, jumps… everything here breathed as Buffy.
Names like Choctaw, Biellmann, Rocker, Flying Camel were now names he knew,
could recognize. He knew which side of a blade the skater should use, the foot
to take off on and land. He knew it all and he hated it. The Zamboni whirled
around the ice, clearing the debris and training slices as Xander sat down,
handing Spike a drink container. Thankful for some alcoholic refreshment to get
past this memory, Spike sipped at it eagerly. "Ugg, what the fuck is
this?"
"Coke," Xander
sat back and watched the Zamboni do its job. "Did you know that there is a
thin layer of water sprayed across the ice to make it smooth again?"
"Where’s my beer,
whelp?" Spike yelled. A bunch of people around them looked at Spike,
scolding him with their eyes.
"No alcohol, kiddy
show." Xander indicated at all the little kids in the arena. "It’s
not a hockey game."
"Give me a bloody
break, would you? Not only do I have to sit here freezing my rocks off and look
at the bloody ice, but now I can’t even drink a bloody beer while doing
it?" Spike threw his hands up in the air.
"Relax, Spike. If
you want to get her back, you are going to have to pretend to enjoy this type
of thing." Xander sat back, watching the Zamboni leave the ice. He knew
there was a chance that Buffy would be skating here. He remembered her talking
about the entry fee and who else was going to perform, he just hoped that she
really was going to be here. He didn’t want to have to spend the whole day with
a grouchy Spike without something good coming from it. "Look, sit back and
relax. These people know Buffy, they’ve known her for years." Spike sat
back in his chair. Buffy might not even be able to skate, she could be
pregnant. He didn’t use any protection with her, and he doubted she used any.
It was such a spur of the moment situation, Spike didn’t even think of the
consequences. And, now she was gone and he couldn’t reach her.
"So have you whelp,
and where has that gotten me?" Spike groused. It was too much to be in the
cold arena again.
"I may be her
friend, but these people…" Xander indicated at the skaters lining up to
make an entrance. "These people share a passion with her. They understand
her, the call of the ice. And if you don’t understand it, then you won’t
understand her."
Spike looked over at
Xander, the lights dimmed as the last minute arrivals took their seats, the
show was about to begin, "I did understand her." Xander looked over
at Spike, silently disagreeing, "I understood and she left."
"Look, Spike, I
don’t want to judge, really, but… what choice did you give her?" Spike
looked over at his friend, wide eyed and amazed. Silently, Xander went back to
watch the local little children skate.
~*~*~
Buffy stood back stage,
she had already warmed up her muscles, and now she had to wait. The
anticipation boiled up inside her, practically boiling over. Her long time
coach came up beside her, thankful that she was still skating.
"Nervous?"
"Like a race track
horse about to piss in a cup." Buffy laughed at the grimace her coach
made.
"Colorful language
you’ve acquired." The coached nose scrunched up, not approving of the
phrase.
"Ahn, I was just
joking… I heard it on one of those late night talk shows. Yeah, I’m nervous
girl."
"You’ll be
fine." She patted Buffy on her shoulder.
"Yeah, how would
you know, haven’t seen me skate since before my mom…" Buffy’s thought
trailed off, "I could step out there and land on my butt."
"Or you can step
out there and be magnificent."
"Thanks, Anya…
you’re the greatest. I won’t even do the Bunny Hop for you."
"Oh, bunnys… so
twitchy… why would they name that?" She walked away from Buffy and then
turned back. "Oh, I saw Xander, didn’t tell him you were here."
"Thanks, was anyone
else with him?"
"Not that I know
of." Anya stood at the door, watching the little kids finish their
program.
"Thanks."
Buffy stretched once more, relaxing her muscles.
"Oh, Buffy?"
When Buffy stood up and looked over to her coach she continued, "It’s good
to have you back and happy. It’s been a long time since you’ve been this
excited." Buffy smiled, it had been a long time.
Breathe
In
Out
Steady
Buffy stepped out on the
platform, watching her strongest competitor exit the ice. The crowd was still
clapping, thoroughly enjoying her performance. Buffy wanted to puke. Not that
Tara’s performance wasn’t good, it was too good. She floated through the air,
and her elements were perfect. Buffy cringed; it had been almost a year since
her last show. Other than the rink officials, no one had watched her skate but
Spike. Trying to push down his memory, Buffy stretched, listening to Tara’s
scores… almost perfect. There wasn’t much room for Buffy to take the lead.
Buffy looked out in the black crowd, mentally scanning for Xander. Anya said he
was here, she wondered why he would go to something like this, especially if
she wasn’t dragging him here.
Her cue was handed to
her, and she stepped out onto the dark ice. A hush fell across the room; she
skated to the middle of the arena.
Breathe
In
Out
In
Out
The spotlight did a
dramatic search for her on the ice, sweeping across the ice until it found her.
Her head down with her hair loosely curled and arms above her head, Buffy hid
her face from view. Only her green sequined little outfit was visible. Her feet
were crossed, and then the music started to rumble in the speakers. Her hips
twitched to the island inspired beat. She twisted, keeping her face hidden as
the music started to crescendo…and she pushed off, slow turns and paces as she
started. She heard whispers of recognition as the beat changed, increasing.
Shoving off, she raced down to the end of the ice.
You think that we
connect
That the chemistry's correct
Your words walk right through my ears
Presuming I like what I hear
And now I'm stuck in the
web you're spinning
You've got me for your prey
Her first jump in the
program came up. Buffy prepared her body, coiling it into a tight spring to
take off and land a perfect double axle. The crowd went wild, Buffy smiled wide
as she flew down to the other end of the ice. This was what she lived for. Her
body relaxed, knowing this was home.
Sorry I'm not home right
now
I'm walking into spider webs
So leave a message And I'll call you back
A likely story, but leave a message
And I'll call you back
She continued with combinations, increasing the level of difficulty as the
crowd continued to cheer. Her energy increased, she continued to push hard,
listening to the music and the cue hidden in the words. She knew she shouldn’t
have picked that song, even if he was here, the meaning would have been lost on
him… it was all his fault. She was perfectly fine in her little bubble world
until he made her fall in love with him. Yes, it was all his fault.
You take advantage of
what's mine
You're taking up my time
Don't have the courage inside me
To tell you please just let me be
Communication, telephonic invasion
I'm planning my escape...
Twists and turns that
Buffy knew by heart blurred past her as she continued the program. Axles and
salchows landed. Her body flew across the ice, racing for the finishing line.
Sorry I'm not home right
now
I'm walking into spider webs
So leave a message And I'll call you back
A likely story, but leave a message
And I'll call you back
And it's all your fault
I screen my phone calls
No matter who calls
I gotta screen my phone calls
Breathe
In
Out
In
Out
Buffy felt a change on
the ice. She wasn’t even sure if it was real, maybe it was her imagination. She
was ready and she felt him. His eyes watching her. She was infused with warmth
and encouragement. Not glancing at the audience, she continued the program. Her
jumps seemed higher, the blade cutting through the ice smoother.
Now it's gone too deep
You wake me in my sleep
My dreams become nightmares
'Cause you're ringing in my ears.
Her smile bloomed,
realizing the song was almost over, it seemed unreal. She really missed skating
in front of people and the added encouragement she felt made the feeling so
much stronger. The big finish was approaching and Buffy started to doubt
herself again. Sure she could do it perfectly in practice, but that didn’t
guarantee it now.
Sorry I'm not home right
now
I'm walking into spider webs
So leave a message And I'll call you back
A likely story, but leave a message
And I'll call you back
Sweeping her legs across
the ice, she built the speed necessary to get her though the last of it. Her
body jumped up, tightly revolving. Once. Twice. Three times. Gravity working
against her, Buffy landed and immediately took off again, hopping up and
spinning quickly.
And it's all your fault
I screen my phone calls
No matter who calls
I gotta screen my phone calls
The song faded away,
ending the lyrics and Buffy stood there, proud and ecstatic. Her arms stretched
out above her head, framing her svelte body. She bowed down, knowing she did a
good job. Her skates glided across the frozen canvas and made the way to the
edge of the rink. Anya handed her the blade protectors and a huge hug. Smiling,
Buffy let the excited blond guide her to the booth where scores were called.
Buffy felt overwhelmed. Knowing that by tomorrow everyone that she knew would
know that she was back.
Breathe
In
Out
In
Out
A/n: Lyrics from No
Doubt: Spiderwebs… I found them online.
Spike made his way down
to the bleachers as the lighting increased. A skater was leaving the ice,
finished with her program. Her dark blond hair and multi colored skirt floated
behind her. She reminded Spike of a witch. He found Xander easily. "What
did I miss?" Spike sarcastically asked.
"Oh, Tara McClay,
good skater, very graceful. Was Buffy’s biggest competition."
"Really? Now I wish
I didn’t have to drain the lizard."
"Ug, and Buffy let
you kiss her with that mouth?" Xander shook his head as the lights dimmed
again. He saw a small figure work its way out into the darkened arena. The
sparkles on her leotard glinted, reflecting some light, the only visible part
of the next skater. The spot light swept along the ice, faux searching for the
skater. Finding her, the brilliant forest green outfit and setting everyone
eyes ablaze with the flittering light. Her blond hair curled around her shoulders
and hung in front of her down turned face, blocking the view. Her graceful arms
were swept above her head. The almost Caribbean beat started through the
speakers and the skater started to move her hips. She shimmed, letting her hips
dip down. As the lyrics joined the melody, her body floated off of her starting
position. Recognition filtered off of Xander’s face, it was Buffy. Spike was
too busy trying to find his drink to even notice the look in Xander’s face or
the petite skater on the ice.
You think that we
connect
That the chemistry's correct
Your words walk right through my ears
Presuming I like what I hear
And now I'm stuck in the
web you're spinning
You've got me for your prey
Xander stared at his
friend flying across the ice, faster than he’d ever saw her skate. He saw her
muscles tighten, ready to jump. A loud roar erupted form the audience when she
landed. Smiling, she started her journey back to the other side of the rink.
Sorry I'm not home right
now
I'm walking into spider webs
So leave a message And I'll call you back
A likely story, but leave a message
And I'll call you back
Spike looked up, only to
see the back of the person in front of him. He was getting up to take his
unruly child out of the arena. Sighing, he continued to look for his
refreshments. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the skater jump and extend
herself on the ice, but paid her no heed.
You take advantage of
what's mine
You're taking up my time
Don't have the courage inside me
To tell you please just let me be
Communication, telephonic invasion
I'm planning my escape...
He found his drink,
finally. Spike took a sip and sat back. He looked at Xander, who was totally
enthralled watching the skater. Shrugging, he looked around, everyone was
watching the graceful athlete. Little children with looks of awe studied the
rink, watching the glittering woman lap it again.
Sorry I'm not home right
now
I'm walking into spider webs
So leave a message And I'll call you back
A likely story, but leave a message
And I'll call you back
And it's all your fault
I screen my phone calls
No matter who calls
I gotta screen my phone calls
Spike finally forced his
eyes on the ice, shocked to find the face that haunted him. There she was with
a huge smile on her face, flying on the cold floor. Her legs twisted and turned
through the elements, gracefully completing the fancy footwork.
Now it's gone too deep
You wake me in my sleep
My dreams become nightmares
'Cause you're ringing in my ears.
She was a vision, an angel
flying down to save him. He watched her body relax, become one with the ice.
She turned in his direction, and her smile widened. It looked so natural… so
beautiful.
Sorry I'm not home right
now
I'm walking into spider webs
So leave a message And I'll call you back
A likely story, but leave a message
And I'll call you back
Spiraling around the
ice, she continued to push harder, jump higher, skate faster. His own eyes
traveling over her luscious body even more trimmed and toned than before.
Wherever she was, she had a gym and an ice rink to practice in.
And it's all your fault
I screen my phone calls
No matter who calls
I gotta screen my phone calls
Spike didn’t bother
listening to the song, the lyrics lost on him as she finished the program. Her
final combination made the people in the arena jump to their feet. She really
did a wonderful job. Her movements stopped and she smiled up to the bleachers.
Her smile firm on her face as she bowed and left the ice, only to encounter her
coach. Spike didn’t like Anya, she wouldn’t tell him where Buffy went, even
when she admitted she had been in contact with her. Jumping up, not bothering
to talk to Xander, Spike ran down the bleachers, hoping to get backstage to see
her, to talk to her. Spike quickly got past the guard to the entrance and
slipped behind the scenes. Different skaters were milling around, listening to
music and envisioning their routine. He jumped up above the small crowd, hoping
to get a glimpse of her location. Out of the side of his eye, Spike saw Anya
following someone in a green outfit into a dressing room about thirty feet
away. Spike quickly walked over to the dressing room, only to be stopped by a
large man. "Only ladies, sir."
Spike looked up toward
the heavens, "Bloody hell."
Spike stood outside the
door for "Ladies Only" for over half an hour and hadn’t yet gotten a
glimpse of her. The competition was over and the public was finally allowed
down on the floor. Xander walked over, "Talk to her yet?"
"Not bloody likely
with Bubba over here guarding the bloody door." Spike pointed at the large
guard.
"She in
there?" Xander indicated the door behind Spike.
"No, she’s in the
men’s room. What do you think, Whelp. I just stand here all fucking day for the
hell of it? The bloody chit hasn’t come out yet."
"Hey, man, relax.
It’s just that Anya is over there. Maybe she can get Buffy out." Spike
stood straight and looked over at Anya with his eyebrow arched.
"Wait, she didn’t
come out of this door. In fact… barely anyone has." As they looked at
Anya, a door about fifteen feet away opened up, letting some ladies out of the
room. "Oh Balls! There was another bloody door?" Spike looked over at
the guard and he shrugged. Stalking over to the congregating group, Spike
fumed. He’d been standing there like a nancy boy all the while, Buffy probably
escaped through the other door.
"Anya…" Xander
said.
She turned around and
smiled, "Xander Harris, where have you been hiding yourself?" Spike
walked up beside them, scanning the crowd for his pixie. "Spike, I didn’t
know you liked these kinds of shows."
"Uh, yeah."
Spike stood on his toes, hoping to gain enough height to spot Buffy.
"So Xander, you’re
looking good, who have you been giving orgasms to?" Anya innocently batted
her eyes while Xander sputtered a response of nobody.
"Anya, my boy here,
Spike, is looking for Buffy."
A dark scowl formed on
Anya’s face, "I don’t think that is a very good idea. She doesn’t want any
orgasms from you friend." She looked over at Spike, "I’m sure your
orgasms are nice, but she isn’t interested." Anya turned back to Xander,
"Did you know she won today?"
The conversation ended
abruptly when the competition officials started to hand out the trophies. They
listened as the younger skaters that were in the "junior" category, received
their prizes and acknowledgements. Finally, the awards for the adult
competition were announced. With bated breathe, Spike, Xander, and Anya watched
the third place and second place winner graciously accept their trophies and
money. Finally, Buffy walked up in a light green jogging suit and her hair
pulled back loosely, accepting her award. She smiled enthusiastically at the
presenters and waved at the crowd that cheered her on. In one split second, she
met Spike’s eyes. Her breath faltered and smile dimmed when he saw recognition
in her face. Then, she broke the contact and scanned the rest of the crowd.
Spike started to push his way through the crowd, intent on getting to the mock
stage area before Buffy finished accepting her award and shaking hands. The
skaters from the "junior" portion of the competition surrounded her,
giving an impenetrable shield ten feet around her. She turned away from him,
walking to a room on the side, with the children following. With a flip of her
hair, she once again disappeared into a room he was banned from.
Swearing, Spike received
many poignant glares from parents and "junior" contestants. The
bodyguard, nicknamed appropriately was standing in front of the door again.
With one last glare at the bane of his existence, Spike stalked off in search
of Xander, hopefully still talking with Anya. He looked around the small
backstage area. Most of the parents were escorting their children out of the
building, leaving only family and friends of the adult participants left. He
found a seat and sat down. Xander and Anya were no where to be found. He
watched the twin doors of the room she herded herself in. The skaters now
exited with their belongings. Most carried duffle bags larger than themselves.
He sat back, itching for a cigarette, but not daring to leave.
Xander strolled up, sans
Anya, and sat next to Spike. "Did you get to her?"
Spike looked down at his
feet, frustrated, "No, she’s playing hard to get. Damn bitch."
"Hey, hey. Don’t
talk about her that way, man. Especially if you want her back… Anya told me
that she’s going to be in town for a while." Spike looked hopeful at
Xander. "She probably going to be pissed to find you still living at her
place."
"Yeah, well.
Probably an inch of dust in my old place… not going to clean it, now am
I?"
Xander chuckled and
slapped Spike’s shoulder, "Yeah, I shudder at the thought of some dust.
Anyway, she said that Buffy and some girls from the competition were going down
to O’Malleys… she invited me… and you."
O’Malleys was packed
with people from the skating competition. Spike scanned the crowd, finally
spotting Anya’s outrageous hair. Xander followed Spike, heading to the table in
the back. He heard her laughter first, it was sweet and unrestricted. As he
came up on the group, he watched her swat a man on his shoulder, laughing with
him. Jealousy roared in Spike, his inner demon coming forth, ready to claim
what was his.
She looked up at him as
he approached, his gait clear and concise, leaving her no doubt that he was
coming for her. Her back straightened, chin lifted, and fingers threaded
together on top of the table. She flipped her hair back and smiled,
"William, Xander! It’s been a long time."
A million questions
formed in Spike’s mind. How have you been? Where were you? Why did you leave
me? Xander scratched his head when Spike fell silent, just staring at her.
"Yeah, Buffy. Been a while."
"Yeah, oh. This is
the gang… Kathy," a bubble blond waved, "Anya you know," Anya
nodded their way, still glaring at Spike, "Tara," the same dark blond
that skated before Buffy smiled shyly, "And this is Andrew." She
leaned into Andrew, making Spike’s jaw ache. The blonde pip squeak looked like
he couldn’t handle one beer.
Andrew stood up and
practically knocked the table over. "Hey good to meet you too. Always good
to have another male around. You know… hanging with all the ladies,"
Andrew smirked, trying to look like a ladies man. Suddenly he got an excited
look on his face and started to bounce on the balls of his feet. "Hey,
your duster looks like the one on my Neo action figure. I bought it on Ebay. I
also got this Jedi figure… it’s so cool…Boba Fett… the bounty hunter."
Spike smiled knowingly,
"Yeah, why don’t you write that address down."
"Hey, you’re English
right?" Andrew looked at Spike, wondering if he could be cool like him.
"Yeah," Spike
drawled, his eyes riveted at Buffy who was holding her head in the hands,
shaking it slowly, knowing her game was over the minute Andrew opened his
mouth.
"I’ve seen all the
episodes of Doctor Who… not the Red Dwarf, though, because…" Spike stared
at Andrew, amazed that this person kept talking. "It’s not on DVD
yet."
"Uh huh, that’s…
uh… admirable. Buffy? Can we talk?" Buffy looked up from her hands. Her
green eyes surprised that he finally talked to her.
"Uh, yeah…"
Buffy stood up. Spike walked around the table to hold out her chair. She glared
at him, wondering why he was acting like a gentleman. Then it dawned on her, he
was waiting to get her alone. "Bar?" Spike nodded and followed Buffy
to the bar. She found two stools in the middle of the bar, people milling
around talking and watching the televisions. She looked over at him. His eyes
didn’t hold the electric charge they once had. Dark bags under his eyes marred his
face, making him seem paler than he was. His cheekbones seemed to jut out
further; he didn’t look like he was eating properly. "So…"
"Yeah. Hey, give me
a beer, mate." Spike grabbed the bartender’s attention and gulped his
beer. "Look… you didn’t have to…" Spike looked into Buffy’s eyes,
lost in their glittering depths. The war between them still raging, he inhaled,
hoping to calm down. "You didn’t have to leave…"
"Were you?"
Buffy sat, looking straight at him. She knew she had to get through this,
afterwards she could break down, alone, where no one could hear her cries of
pain and anguish of her love.
"Huh?" Spike
sipped his beer at a more leisure pace. His fingers itched to touch her, to
hold her, to mold her.
"Were you going to
leave?" Buffy didn’t let her gaze stray as she saw his emotions flitter
across his face: surprise, anger, guilt, and longing. "Because, it looked
like you still were there."
Shock hit Spike,
"You… you were there?"
Buffy ducked her head,
"Yeah, had to store my stuff. Drove all night to get here…" Buffy
looked back up, her eyes softened, "You never left."
"No," such a
simple word yet it spoke volumes.
Her eyes glistened with
restrained emotion. "Why?"
Spike stared back, once
again lost in her. Her scent, her warmth, her eyes. "Never going to leave
you." His hand reached out to hers on its own volition. "Not like the
others."
She didn’t pull away
from him instead she savored the warmth seeping into her skin. She stared at
their joined hands.
"I… I never meant
for it to go that way." His thumb caressed the top of her hand, feeling
the blood pump underneath the light layer of her skin. "Wasn’t supposed to
be bad."
Buffy looked up into his
eyes.
"I was going to
treat you like the goddess that you are. My golden goddess." Buffy opened
her mouth to say something but he lifted his other hand and rested a finger on
her lips. "Shh, got to get this out… I wanted you from the first moment I
saw you, glaring at Hank on the dance floor. Knew, I knew it was more than
lust."
Spike looked at the bar,
still resting his hand on hers. She slowly moved her wrist, rotating her hand
under his until her palm met his. She threaded her fingers in his. Inhaling, he
looked at their intertwined hands.
"I tried everything
to get you to see me. Sure you went out with me once, but you were ready to cut
me loose, I knew it. Then… the lame brain scheme with Hank. I wasn’t going to
tell Joyce. I would have handled him quietly, no one would have known. But, I
couldn’t let you know that or you would have banished me, yeah?"
Buffy nodded. A tear ran
down her cheek, he reached up and wiped it away.
"And, that night.
I’m sorry." Spike choked, his emotions finally surfacing. "God, it
would be so easy for me to say I didn’t know what I was doing, but I did."
A bitter laugh escaped his lips. "I wanted to possess you, show you who
you belonged to… but you didn’t belong to me, did you pet? I belong to you. I
have from the very first dance."
Buffy tilted her head,
she heard the sincerity in his voice and her heart went out to him. Spike moved
closer to her, resting his head against her shoulder.
"You consume me,
fill me up to completion. I was so bloody scared when you were attacked. What
if something happened to you? What if I did that to you? I couldn’t handle
it."
She withdrew her hand
from under his. Trembling, Spike was afraid that she was leaving him again.
"Don’t. Please
don’t," he whispered.
She wrapped her arms
around his body, angling her body to his and brining his head to her neck. She
patted his back, consoling him through his emotions.
"I decided, I
wouldn’t touch you like that again…" his words tickled the sensitive skin
on her neck. "But, I couldn’t bloody do it. I had to hold you, love you,
and show you that I wanted more. I love you." She felt hot tears drip down
to her collarbone, washing over her skin. "I still do… bloody hell, look
at me, crying like a nancy boy in the middle of a bloody pub."
"Don’t say that… no
one is paying attention." Her fingers ran down his back, smoothing his
duster. "And… and I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have run. I just couldn’t handle
it." She looked around the busy bar and restaurant and bent her head
towards his. With a low voice she asked, "Want to get out of here?"
His eyes lit up and she
saw the flicker of electricity they were missing. They walked out of the bar
hand in hand into the night.