Description: A/U college fiction. Buffy moves far away to
join her boyfriend William aka "Spike" at college. Things are going
wonderfully for the couple and their tight nit group of friends when tragedy
strikes. I'm not going to lie, this is going to be a pretty angsty story.
However, I can promise that it will have a happy ending, and that's all I'm
going to say.
Disclaimer: All characters relating to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and
Angel the Series are property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Fox. This story
is written for entertainment purposes only and not for profit. In other words I
am nothing, I own nothing, I have nothing...Please don't sue me :-)
Mourning
"So, how do you think Buffy's doing?” Xander asked hesitantly.
"I'm not sure. She still won't talk about it much.” Willow answered as they
lugged the last of her belongings into the dorm. Willow had decided that since
Tara had moved home for a little while, and she couldn't really afford their
apartment by herself she would move into the dorms with Buffy. Truthfully,
Willow didn't want to leave Buffy there by herself.
"Well, I'm sure with you here, she'll start to perk up.” Xander gave the
redhead a reassuring smile. They reached room 120, and Willow slowly opened the
door. They found Buffy sitting at her desk scribbling furiously in one of her
notebooks.
"Damn it!" The blonde exclaimed as her number two pencil snapped in
half. "Stupid cheap ass-"
"Hey Buffy,” Willow cried almost too cheerfully, startling Buffy.
"Oh God, you guys," she gasped grasping her chest. "Sorry, I
didn't hear you come in.” Buffy smiled sheepishly as she held up the mutilated
pencil. "Guess I got a little carried away with this advanced calculus
stuff."
"I'll say," Xander snickered as he dropped Willow's things on her
desk. "Pencils of the world, beware."
"I'm never going to get all this crap finished,” Buffy whined.
"Still doing make up work?” Willow asked sympathetically.
"Of course." Buffy answered. She had missed a week and a half of
classes and it seemed as if she had a month’s worth of work to catch up on, not
to mention all of her current studies. "I'm drowning in a sea of
numbers," Buffy huffed, exasperated.
"Well I have just the cure for that,” Xander spoke up.
"And that would be?” Buffy asked hesitantly.
"Trivia Night at the Taco Stand,” Xander said with a pride. "Chock
full of alcoholic goodness and quite the learning experience," he added
holding up his index finger to accentuate his point.
"Oh yeah, come on Buffy it'll be fun!” Willow chimed in. "It'll do
you some good to get out of this stuffy dorm for a little while."
Buffy hesitated for a moment looking from one friend to the other. "I
don't think so guys," she sighed. "I've got all this work to
do."
"It's Saturday Buff. You've got all day tomorrow to worry about school
work, come on it'll be fun.” Xander pleaded.
"I just don't think I'm up for it.” Buffy was beginning to get frustrated
with his persuasion.
"Well get up for it! Buffy, you can't hide away in here forever.”
"Xander!" Willow exclaimed, surprised by her friend’s vehemence.
"No, Willow this needs to be said.” Xander looked at her in earnest.
"Buffy I know you miss Spike. I miss him too, but it's been two weeks
since the funeral, and you've barely left this room except to go to class. You
have to keep on living, Buffy."
"Xander I really don't need to hear this right now.” Buffy implored,
bringing her hands up to cover her face. "Please just don't."
Xander expression softened as did his tone when he noticed the exhaustion in
Buffy's voice. "I'm sorry Buffy," he conceded. "We're all still
really stressed out and you know how my foot loves to live in my mouth."
Buffy brought her hands down until they only cupped over her mouth as if she
were physically trying to hold it shut. She could only nod in reply.
"Well I'm going to take off.” Xander moved towards the door, waving
goodbye to Willow as he reached for the knob. "You two lovely ladies know
where to find me if you need anything. Let me know if you change your mind
about tonight.” With that, Xander stepped out of the room and closed the door
behind him.
"Are you okay?” Willow asked, throwing a sympathetic arm around her
friend.
"Yeah," Buffy nodded. "I think I think I need some fresh air
though," she stepped quickly away from Willow's arm and grabbed her
notebook and book bag from her desk.
"Okay," Willow whispered. "Do you want me to come with
you?"
"No, I'm just going to take my homework with me and see what I can get
done.” Buffy smiled stuffing her notebook into her bag. "I won't be gone
very long."
"Okay.” Willow waved as Buffy stepped out of the room.
Buffy sat on a bench on North Campus staring off into a distant nowhere. She
held her notebook in her hands, however, her wandering mind prevented her from
actually studying. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting there; all she
could see or hear were memories from that fateful night. "You have to
talk to me, please don't shut me out,” She begged, her own tears threatening to
fall. "You mean like you've shut me out these past two months?” William
replied in an accusatory tone....Are you ashamed of me, Buffy?...If it's not
that big of a deal, then why are you sorry?"..."Buffy watch the
road.” Her mind wandered back to the dream that she'd had in the hospital.
William's voice sounded so close to her, so real. "No sweet, just come
with me. Please stay with me.” The desperation in his tone was
heartbreaking. "I'll be here forever sweet, that's the whole point.
I'll never leave. Not even if you kill me.”
"It's my fault," Buffy whispered to herself as she could feel the tears
begin to prick her eyes.
"Buffy?” A strange voice called from behind her. Buffy turned around to
face the owner of the voice. He was tall and stocky with brownish blonde hair.
He wore a grin that Buffy could only describe as home grown, and Buffy realized
that she had never seen this person before in her life. "Buffy Summers,
right?” he asked again.
"I'm sorry," she replied looking quizzically at him. "Do I know
you?"
"Not exactly,” he smiled again. "My name is Riley, Riley Finn."
"Hi," Buffy smiled uncertainly still not sure how this complete
stranger knew who she was.
"I've been meaning to find you ever since the funeral."
Buffy flinched at the mention of William's funeral. "Oh, I see. We're you
one of Spike's fraternity brothers?” she asked him sadly.
"Uh, no," Riley admitted awkwardly. "Actually, I was the guy
driving the other car that night.” He suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable. He
wasn't sure how she was going to react to him once he revealed himself.
Buffy’s friendly expression hardened into a cold, impassive stare. "I
see," was the only reply that she could come up with.
"I did go to the funeral once I heard about William's...passing," he
stammered. "I wanted to pay my respects. I saw you there and you looked so
heartbroken, kinda like the way you do now." He tried to smile at her but
the blank expression on her face prevented him from doing so. "I just
wanted to say that I'm sorry and-"
"I'm sorry, Riley but I can't do this right now." With that, Buffy
jumped off of the bench allowing her notebook to fall to the ground at her
feet. "I've gotta go." She abruptly walked away from him, not
bothering to stop to pick up her fallen notebook.
"Stupid!" Riley exclaimed, slapping the front of his head. He noticed
that she had left something behind and bent quickly to scoop it up. The
notebook was still open to the page that Buffy had left it on and he could see
the likeness of a man staring back at him from the pages. Beneath the chiseled
face etched on the paper was the name "William".
Buffy headed to her bed the minute she reached her room. Not bothering to
divest herself of her clothes or shoes, she collapsed onto her bed. She reached
a shaky hand under her pillow and grabbed a black t-shirt from underneath.. She
wrapped the worn material around her hands and brought it quickly to her nose
and inhaled deeply. The scent was slowly starting to fade but she could still
make out the faint aroma. Polo Sport, leather and tobacco. Buffy didn't know
that it was possible to feel so comforted yet hurt so badly all at the same
time. She laid in silence holding the shirt to her face until she drifted into
a deep sleep.
Buffy awoke to the sound of a loud tapping on her door. The shirt that she had
clung to was now draped over one side of the bed threatening to flutter to the
floor below. Buffy grabbed it quickly and stuffed it back under her pillow as
the tapping continued.
"I'm coming, damn it!" she exclaimed to the intruder. She rubbed her
sleepy eyes and climbed down from the loft. Buffy ran her fingers through her
golden locks to make sure she didn't have funny bed hair, and the obnoxious
visitor tapped even more loudly on the door. Buffy's frustration grew as she
reached for the doorknob and flung it open. Frustration melted away to surprise
as she saw who was standing in her doorway. "Riley."
"Hey again," He flashed her his good-boy smile again.
"I'm really not trying to be rude, but how did you know where I live?”
Buffy asked, growing suspicious of him. He sheepishly held out her notebook
which had her address scribbled on the inside of the front cover. "Oh,
thanks," she gave him a half smile as she took the book from him.
"Thought you might need that for class."
"Yeah," she nodded. "Notes might help."
Riley smiled still standing in the hallway leaning against her doorframe.
"You're a pretty good artist."
"What?” Buffy asked.
"When I picked up your notebook it was open, I couldn't help but notice.
There's a portrait that you drew on the last full page. It's really good."
Buffy opened the notebook to see what he was talking about. Sure enough there
it was. She was staring at a likeness of William sketched on her college ruled
spiral notebook. She didn't remember drawing it, but she had been really out of
it this afternoon.. "Thanks," was all she could gather for a reply.
"Well, it's late so I think I'm going to take off.” Riley started to leave
but turned quickly to say, "Buffy I really am sorry for your loss. If
there's anything I can do-"
"Thanks.” Buffy smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."
Riley nodded in reply and turned to walk down the hallway to the exit. Buffy
closed the door behind him and leaned against it for a moment clutching
notebook that was still open to the picture of William. She walked over to her
desk and carefully ripped the picture from its spiral hold. She then walked
over to her closet and grabbed a box from the top shelf. Buffy rummaged through
it for a moment until she found what she was looking for: an antique brass
frame. She lifted the back of the frame carefully, and situated the drawing
into the glass. When she had secured the picture she set it gingerly on the
night table facing her bed. "This way I can still see your face when I
wake up in the morning.” Buffy said, kissing her fingertips and touching them to
William's face. She was still staring at the picture when another knock came. Who
in the hell? Buffy thought to herself. Realizing that Riley had probably
come back to try to offer her more comfort she yelled through the door.
"Riley, really I appreciate the effort and I accept your apology, but I
just want to be alone right now okay?” Buffy paused, listening to the silence
outside her door. Thank you, she thought to herself as she began to
prepare to return to her bed. She was climbing back into the loft when the
knocking came back. "God damn it! Persistent much?" Buffy cursed as
she climbed back down the ladder. She was grumbling profanities as she fumbled
with the lock and doorknob, fully intending on giving the person on the other
side of the door a good tongue-lashing. "Riley are you thick headed? I
told you I just‑” Buffy was stunned into silence when she opened the
door. She was sure the color was drained completely from her face when she saw
who was on the other side: William. There he was, right in front of her. This
wasn't a dream, she wasn't sleep walking, was she? The room began to spin as
she reached for him. She could feel the cool leather of his jacket slip through
her fingers as she struggled to hold herself up.
"Buffy, Love?” His beautiful, accented voice filled her ears as her knees
quickly turned to putty.
That was the last thing Buffy heard before she was shrouded in darkness.
Chapter 7
What Dreams May Come
“Buffy?” Xander leaned over his friend with a concernedly. “Buffy, are you
okay?” He and Anya had gone for take out and had come home to find his friend
unconscious on the floor, the door to her room wide open.
“X-Xander?” Buffy whispered as she slowly started to come to.
“Yeah,” Xander smiled. “Are you okay? What do you remember?”
“Wh-where…” Buffy trailed off.
“You’re in your room,” Xander interrupted trying to alleviate her confusion.
“Anya and I came home and found you here. Don’t try to move a whole lot yet,
we’re not sure if you hit your‑”
“No!” Buffy cut him off. “Where is William?” Buffy sat up quickly and looked
around frantically.
“Buffy, it’s okay,” Xander put a hand on her shoulder trying to comfort his
friend. “You’re at home, with your friends.”
“No you don’t understand,” Buffy tried to explain. “William was here. Not
‘here’ like in here,” she said pointing to her head. “But he was here,
like here in the dorm. He knocked on my door, and when I answered it he was
standing there. I touched him, and then…” she trailed off.
“And then?” Xander probed.
“And then I guess I fainted.”
Xander sighed. “Okay, let’s get you off of the floor and into the bed.” Xander
stood up and extended his hand to Buffy.
She took his hand reluctantly as she studied his face. “You don’t believe me?”
Buffy asked.
Xander looked at his friend affectionately. “I believe that you’ve really been
through hell in the past couple of months,” he said as he gently lifted her up,
allowing her to lean on him. “I believe that you’re grieving and when you’re
grieving sometimes you‑”
“No!” Buffy exclaimed. “Xander I wasn’t hallucinating. I wasn’t sleepwalking or
any of the other crap that you’re trying to use to explain it. William was
here. You don’t get it, I didn’t just touch him, and I felt him.” Buffy touched
her hand to her heart to emphasize her point.
“Buffy, you’ve got to snap out of this,” Xander reasoned. “Spike is dead, you
were there. We buried him. I’m sorry; I really am because I know that you’re
hurting but‑”
“You don’t understand.” Buffy repeated hoarsely, tears welling up in her eyes.
“He was here, Xander it was so real.” At that, Buffy broke down as sobs wracked
her body.
“Hey guys,” Willow called, as she walked into the room tentatively, putting her
book bag down on the floor. “What’s going on?”
“Buffy fainted,” Xander began. “We came home and found her laying on the floor.
The door was wide open‑”
“S-Spike, was here.” Buffy sobbed. “I-I saw him and then I f-fainted, a-and no
one b-believes me.”
“Oh Buffy.” Willow exclaimed. She ran to her friend and enveloped her in a
tight embrace. “Shh, sweetie it’s okay.” She rested her chin on top of Buffy’s
head as she stroked her hair. Sensing the tension in the room Willow turned to
Xander. “It’s okay Xan, I’ll take it from here. Where did Anya go?”
“She went to the lounge to get some ice. We didn’t know if she hit her head or‑”
“Well, go find her and tell her that Buffy’s going to be okay,” Willow
interjected. “I’m going to make her some tea and get her into bed.”
“Okay,” Xander said sheepishly. “Buffy I’ll talk to you tomorrow okay?”
Buffy could only nod through her sobs. Xander turned on his heels and stepped
out of the room closing the door quietly behind him.
“Okay,” Willow said calmly. “I’m going to heat up some tea really quick. Why
don’t you change into your pajamas and then we’ll have a little girl time?”
Buffy wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve as she slowly stood up. “Girl
time sounds good,” she sniffled and gave her roommate a watery smile. She
grabbed her nightshirt off of the back of her desk chair and disappeared into
the bathroom. She stopped at the sink and turned on the valve and began to
splash her face allowing the cool water to soothe her nerves. She dried her
face with the hem of her sweatshirt and looked dazedly at her reflection. She
looked older. The lines on her face were more defined and she had small circles
under her eyes. What the hell is wrong with me? She asked her double. Xander’s
right, you’ve got to snap out of this. Buffy took a deep breath and quickly
changed her clothes. She opened the door to the bathroom and heard the shrill
“DING” from the microwave. Willow gave her roommate a tight smile.
“Nothing says loving like microwave chamomile tea.” She poured the water from
the bowl that she had used to heat it into a coffee mug, plopped a tea bag into
the water and handed it to Buffy.
“Thanks.” Buffy smiled.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Willow asked sitting down in her chair.
“I don’t know what happened Will,” Buffy sighed. “There was a knock on the
door, I answered it and I know that it sounds crazy, but when I opened the door
it was William. He was standing there as plain as I’m sitting here talking to
you. I touched him, he said my name, and that’s the last thing that I
remember.”
Willow nodded her head as she listened. “Do you think that you were dreaming,
sleepwalking?”
“I don’t think so,” Buffy replied. “Not five minutes before, this guy, Riley
stopped by to drop off my notebook. I hadn’t even gotten back into bed and
look: the notebook is here so‑”
“Wait a minute,” Willow interrupted. “Riley was here? Riley Finn?” Buffy nodded
in reply. “Buffy when did you meet him?”
“Today,” Buffy sighed. “He came up to me while I was on North Campus.”
“Did he tell you who he was?” Willow asked.
“Yeah, he did.” Buffy could feel her tears welling up again as she spoke. “He
told me that he was the one that…” Buffy trailed off and had to inhale deeply
before she continued. “That hit us that night. He started talking about how
sorry he was and mentioned being at the funeral. I kinda bailed on him and
dropped my notebook. He got address off of the front cover and brought it by.
About five minutes after he dropped the notebook off there was another knock on
the door. I answered it, and it was William.”
Willow shook her head in a mixture of disbelief and amazement. “Buffy that’s‑”
“I know what you’re going to say. It’s impossible. But it was William. It
wasn’t a dream. I could feel him Willow,” Buffy tried desperately to plead her
case.
Willow sighed. “I believe you Buffy.” Willow looked at her friend worriedly. “I
think that you need to get some sleep. Tomorrow, why don’t we try to call your
mom? You haven’t talked to her since before the funeral.”
“Thank you for listening Will.” Buffy squeezed her best friend’s hand. “You
never stop coming through.”
Willow smiled affectionately at her friend. “Get some sleep,” she insisted as
she helped Buffy up into the loft. Once Buffy was settled into bed, as Willow
reached over to turn off Buffy’s bedside lamp she noticed the framed drawing
that sat next to the lamp. She picked up the frame and smiled sadly when she
noticed the likeness of Spike. Willow set the picture down and turned off the
light, retreating to the bathroom to prepare for bed.
* * *
Buffy sat quietly on the same bench that she always used when she studied on
North Campus. She held her drawing of William in her lap and softly stroked the
lines of his face.
“What are you doing here luv?”
She heard his voice and a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “I was
waiting for you.”
“You know you don’t belong here.” William walked closer to her and put his hand
on her shoulder.
“I belong wherever you are,” Buffy told him taking his hand.
“Luv, you can’t stay here.” He began to take his hand off of her shoulder as he
said this and her grip on him tightened.
“No, William please,” she begged, tears threatening to fall. “Please don’t
leave me.”
Buffy could feel his breath on her neck as he whispered in her ear. “Come with
me.”
“Why don’t you stay with me?” she asked desperately.
“Come with me, luv, you can’t stay here.” William continued to hold her
shoulder.
“I’m scared,” Buffy admitted in a shaky voice.
William was silent for a moment and Buffy tried to turn so she could face him
but he held her firmly in place. The hand on her shoulder was the only evidence
that he was still there. She felt him lean in closer to her as he whispered
briskly in her ear.
“You should be.”
Buffy’s eyes grew wide. Then she looked at the glass of the picture frame that
she still clutched tightly in her hand. Blood, William’s blood. “Oh my god,”
she breathed. “William you’re bleeding.” His grip on her shoulder loosened and
she was able to turn and face him. “William?” she called out, but he was gone.
“William?” Buffy cried out more desperately as she stood and searched for him.
“Oh God,” she whimpered as she sank back onto the bench. Everything seemed to
be moving in slow motion as the ornate frame that held William’s picture
slipped from her grasp and shattered onto the hard floor.
Buffy woke with a start, the noise of the shattered glass still in her ear.
“Willow?” Buffy called out to her roommate. “Are you here?” Her only answer was
the silence of her empty room. “Guess not,” Buffy replied to herself, climbing
out of her bed. She reached the floor and started to head to the bathroom for
her morning shower. She stopped suddenly when a shooting pain ran up her leg.
Buffy lifted her foot to find the source of the pain. Glass? Buffy
thought to herself. Upon further inspection she noticed that the floor was
littered with broken shards of glass.
“What the‑ ?” Buffy bent down to begin cleaning up the mess when she
noticed where the glass had come from. There on the floor was her shattered
picture frame. The image of William that it held was now covered in blood. “Oh
my God!” Buffy screamed. “Somebody please help me!”
Chapter 8
Signs
Buffy stumbled out
into the hallway sobbing and screaming uncontrollably. “Please someone, Please
help me,” she cried as she fell in a heap to the floor. Doors were beginning to
open as her neighbors emerged from their rooms to observe the commotion. Buffy
felt someone try to lift her from her place on the floor.
“Buffy?”
She looked up and saw Xander standing over her. He was giving her the same concerned
look that her had given her every day since the accident and it only made Buffy
cry harder.
“Buffy, what happened?” Xander was now leaning down in front of her attempting
to cradle her in his arms. She could feel him put his arms around her and frantically
began to push him away. “Buffy it’s okay!” Xander exclaimed as he grabbed one
of her flailing limbs to stop them from connecting with his face. “Buffy look
at me. It’s me, Xander, you’re safe.” She let his words of comfort wash over
her and slowly began to calm down.
“Xander?” Buffy asked as she slowly began to come to. Her voice was hoarse from
crying and her eyes were watery from unshed tears. Buffy realized that she was
sitting outside her room on floor of the hallway and more importantly that
every resident of her dormitory was now staring at her as if she had lost her
mind. She looked toward the still open door of her room and began to remember
why she had fled.
“Jeez Buff, what happened?”
Buffy’s only response was to raise a shaky hand and point to the open door.
Xander looked in the direction in which she pointed and continued to question
her.
“What is it Buffy? Is it Willow?”
Buffy shook her head and continued to point. Xander stood slowly and turned to
Anya who was standing just inside their room directly across the hall. “Stay
with her,” he instructed and nodded towards Buffy. Anya quickly took Xander’s
place kneeling in front of her and watched as her boyfriend slowly started into
Buffy and Willow’s room.
“I’m worried about you,” she said quietly as she took Buffy’s hand in hers.
“Uh Buffy,” Xander called from inside the room. “Could you uh, come in here
really quick?”
Anya stood first and helped Buffy to her feet allowing the petite blonde to
lean on her as they headed back into her room. Buffy paused just inside the
doorframe, afraid to step the rest of the way in.
“It’s okay,” Anya tried to reassure her. “You’re not alone, Buffy.”
Buffy stepped into the room. The light from the hallway was illuminating enough
so she could see around the room fairly easily. Buffy’s mouth hung open as
realization started to set in.
“So…what exactly happened in here?” Xander asked extending his arms.
“W-well,” Buffy began. “I was dreaming and when I woke up…”
“You were dreaming?” Xander interrupted. “Buffy were you having a nightmare?”
“N-not really,” Buff stammered trying to explain. “More like a
‘creepy-give-me-the-wiggins’ kinda dream. William was there and he was being
really big with the cryptic. He was hurt in the dream and wouldn’t let me look
at him. Right before I woke up I dropped a picture frame and it shattered.
Well, when I got out of bed there was glass all over the floor and the picture
was soaked in blood.”
“You mean this picture?” Xander asked picking up the still framed drawing from
its place on the nightstand.
“Xander…”
“Look around you Buffy, there’s no glass. There’s no blood.” Xander again
raised his arms and gestured around the room to emphasize his point. “You were
having a dream. It’s understandable, you’ve been through hell the past couple
of months, but that’s all that it was.”
“Yes,” Buffy persisted. “I was having a dream. But I woke up. I know that I
woke up and I know what I saw. You want proof,” Buffy asked. “ Here.” She
lifted her foot to show the small, now closed cut on her toe. “How do you
explain that?”
“Buffy you could have gotten that anywhere,” Xander sighed.
“Maybe you should talk to someone?” Anya suggested.
“Someone?” Buffy questioned.
“You know someone that could help you- you know, sort through the grief,” Anya
continued.
“I so do not need to talk to a shrink.” Buffy replied, getting agitated.
“Oh, not a shrink,” Anya countered, completely unaware of the uncomfortable
situation. “Just someone. There are peer councilors on campus that will listen
to you talk about anything. I remember when Xander was having trouble- you
know, performing, he went-”
“Anya!” Xander interjected.
“What?” Anya turned to him and watched as her boyfriend stared wide-eyed at her
and started to shake his head in a disapproving way. She quickly got the hint
and turned to Buffy smiled sheepishly. “You’re fine,” she concluded airily.
“Thanks for the reassurance,” Buffy replied, in a deadpan voice. “I don’t need
to talk to anyone. I know what I saw.”
“Buffy-”
“No Xander,” Buffy interrupted him. “It was real. Something is happening to me.
I don’t know what but things haven’t been right since- since the accident, and
it’s not just because of William. It’s more than that…” Buffy trailed off and
began to look around the room again. “Where’s Willow?”
“Haven’t seen her,” Xander answered. “Did she come home last night?”
“Yeah, we talked right before I fell asleep and she was here.”
“Did she have a test today? You know how Willow likes to hit the library before
a big test; maybe she pulled an all-nighter and didn’t want to disturb you,”
Anya suggested.
“I don’t know,” Buffy admitted. “Maybe…she didn’t say anything about a test
last night.” Buffy sighed suddenly feeling very tired.
“I’m sure that’s what it is.” Xander said. “You look whipped Buff, why don’t
you lie down and try to get some sleep? Take a day off today, clear your head.”
“Yes,” Anya agreed. “I can swing by your classes and explain what’s going on to
your professors. I’m sure they’d be willing to hand over any assignments that
you miss.”
“Thanks guys,” Buffy smiled weakly. “I think that I will lie down for a little
while and try to catch up on some sleep. If you guys see Willow, could you tell
her that I need to talk to her?”
“Sure thing Buff,” Xander smiled. “Get some rest.” With that, Xander embraced
the diminutive blonde and placed a quick kiss on the top of her head.
Buffy smiled weakly at the couple as she shut her door and quickly locked it.
She turned and rested her back against the door and sighed. “What the hell is
wrong with me?” Buffy whispered as she ran a tired hand through her hair.
***
Buffy sat at her desk, history book in hand trying to really study for the fist
time in what felt like forever. Her mind kept wandering and she found herself glancing
at her alarm clock every so often to check the time. Three-thirty, and still
no Willow, she thought.
Buffy had wracked her brain for the duration of the afternoon trying to
remember if she had said anything the previous night that would have caused
Willow to leave. She honestly couldn’t think of anything. Willow was often busy
and on the go, but it wasn’t like her to just disappear for an entire day.
Frustrated, Buffy closed her book, and stood from her chair. “I so need to get
out of here,” she said to herself as she gathered her jacket and keys and
quickly left the room.
An hour later Buffy found herself wandering aimlessly around North Campus,
pausing every so often to study her surroundings, searching for Willow. Buffy
came to a stop in front of the North Campus fountain and took a seat on one of
the benches there. Suddenly Buffy heard a slight whisper make its way to her
ear.
“There are signs everywhere.”
Buffy turned suddenly and had to shield her eyes from the sun to be able to see
the source of the whisper. He was extremely tall and very well built. His
features were dark and overpowering. His looks intimidated her and she gulped
before finally acknowledging him. “E-excuse me?” she stuttered.
“There are signs everywhere,” he repeated and stepped closer to her to allow
his back to shield her from the sun’s rays.
Once her eyes adjusted, she was able to see him more clearly, and she noticed
his attire immediately. He was dressed in long black slacks with a black button
up shirt and she noted the white collar around his neck indicating his calling
as a priest.
“You look lost,” he continued seeing her confused look. “There are signs
everywhere to help you on your way.”
Buffy nodded in acknowledgement and he took the opportunity to seat himself
next to her on the bench. Buffy looked away from him and stared blankly at the
water from the fountain.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, feeling her apprehension.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name.” Buffy replied, still not making eye contact
with him.
“Liam, Liam Angelus but most people call me Angel.”
“Hmph,” Buffy laughed. “A priest named Angel, that’s-” Buffy trailed off when
she realized he wasn’t laughing at her joke, “not funny at all.”
“I can see how it would be funny,” he said with a serious expression. “I’m
Father Angel.” Then a grin broke
across his face and Buffy could tell that he was making fun of her.
She smiled genuinely at him. It was the first smile that had graced her lips in
what felt like forever. “Sorry,” Buffy apologized. “I really wasn’t trying to
get smart, I just- I’m- I’m not-” Buffy stammered, trying to make the words
come out.
“Yes?” he probed sensing the tension in her voice.
“I’m not very religious. Not at all in fact. I’m sort of a lapsed Catholic,”
Buffy admitted sheepishly.
“I think that all Catholics are lapsed at one point or another, so there’s no
harm in that. I’m not here to judge. There’s no manual that says you have to
attend Sunday Mass every week before I can lend a compassionate ear to an obviously
troubled young lady,” he assured her to set her mind at ease.
“How do you know that I’m troubled?” Buffy asked.
“I told you, you look lost.”
Buffy sighed, swallowing the lump in her throat before she could continue. “I
feel lost,” she answered, her voice thick with emotion.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked her again, placing a comforting hand
on her shoulder.
Buffy spent the next twenty minutes telling Angel all about what the past few
months had been like for her. She told him of her decision to move in with
William, the decision to hide the fact they were living together, how she’d
lied to William, how he’d found out, the accident, and William’s death. Angel
listened with an impassive expression while she told her tale.
“It’s been a few weeks since the funeral, and I keep having these...dreams.”
Buffy explained. “They get more and more vivid, and sometimes when I wake up I
would swear that they were real. My friends are starting to think that I’m
going crazy.”
Angel sighed before he responded. “Buffy, you’ve been through more these past
few months than most people go through in a year’s time. It’s understandable
for you to still grieve. I think that these dreams that you’re having is just
another way of trying to cope with what you’ve been through, so that you can
move on.”
“I know that this sounds strange Father-”
“Please,” he interrupted. “Call me Angel.”
Buffy smiled at him, “Okay, Angel, I know that this sounds strange, but I don’t
think that William is gone. This may make me sound crazy, but sometimes I can
still...I can feel him, and it throws me.”
“I don’t think that sounds strange,” Angel replied.
“You don’t?”
“No, I think that it’s very possible that William could still be here, watching
over you.”
“You don’t think that I’m crazy?” Buffy questioned.
“No I don’t.” he answered matter-of-factly. “I think William is still trying to
tie up loose ends here. It’s not uncommon with most cases such as yours. He
still feels he has some pressing matter to attend to and will not move on until
that matter is addressed.”
“What do you think William’s pressing matter is?” Buffy asked curiously.
“Honestly?” Angel asked looking into her eyes. Buffy nodded for him to
continue. “I think he’s still trying to save you.”
***
The sky was beginning to darken as Buffy returned to her room. She had spent
hours talking to Angel and surprisingly felt much better than she had when she
left.
“Willow?” Buffy called as she stepped into the room. “Are you here?” Buffy
shrugged and wondered aloud “Where the hell is she?” She was just about to
retreat to the bathroom for a quick shower when she heard a knock at her door.
When she answered it she was surprised at who she saw.
“Riley,” Buffy exclaimed. “What a surprise.”
“I know I should have called first,” Riley fidgeted showing his nervousness
around her. “I just wanted to check and see how you were. You seemed pretty
upset the other day.”
“Yeah,” Buffy sighed. “Listen, I’m sorry if I was rude to you the other day. I
was in a really bad mood and it was just one of those days.”
Riley quickly put a hand up to stop her apology. “No need to apologize,” he
told her. “I totally understand. It was wrong for me to just come up to you
like that. I shouldn’t have-”
“No, no,” she interrupted. “It was a very nice gesture.”
He smiled at her reassuring words and then asked, “What are you doing right
now?”
“Nothing,” she answered. “Just waiting for Willow to get home; haven’t seen her
much today.”
“Well would you like to go get something to eat with me?”
“Uh...”Buffy trailed off not knowing what to say exactly.
Riley could sense her apprehension and quickly added, “No pressure, you don’t
have to. I just thought that-”
“No,” she interrupted, “it’s not that. It’s just that...I’m not...I don’t think
that I’m ready for...”
“It’s just dinner Buffy.” Riley answered trying to get her to relax. “It
doesn’t have to be anymore than that. I’ll even let you pay if you want.” Riley
flashed her his best All-American grin.
“Well since you put it that way,” Buffy replied sarcastically. “I am really
hungry, I don’t think I’ve had anything to eat today.” She paused for a moment
before turning to grab her purse and said, “Let’s go.” Riley held the door open
for her as she walked out of her room.
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