Hold Me. Thrill Me. Kiss Me. Kill Me

by
Amejisuto

Part Twenty-One

Spike puttered around the house, waiting for Xander to come home. It was odd, waiting there for his human lover. The sun had set but since Xander hadn’t expected him to come back tonight he was probably out with his friends or on patrol.

Spike shook his head. With Drusilla he had been possessive as hell. Then again, Dru loved to test him and flirt with every Tom, Dick and Demon. She’d spread her legs for just about anything and had never stopped pining for her bloody “Daddy”. As if Angelus ever really gave a shit about his Princess as more than a plaything.

Xander, now Xander was different. And he didn’t think it was because his boy was human or sane, either. Well, maybe Xander wasn’t altogether sane; he was snogging Spike despite being a White Hat, after all. Xander was just a different sort of barmy.

When Spike had announced that he would be away on “business” Xander hadn’t pouted, cried, manipulated or accused him of trying to get rid of him. Oh, Spike could tell that the boy knew he was going to kill someone or something, he could see that shadow in his love’s eyes, but all Xander had done was ask that he come home safe and to call. No fits or temper tantrums.

Of course, Spike worried about what would happen when Xander figured it out. Xander’s father had been reported missing but, from what Dalton had figured out by talking to their contacts in the local police department, there were about five or six other adults and seven children missing after the mess on Halloween. Tony Harris had been just one and there weren't any grieving relatives calling the cops, trying to find him. Hell, he didn’t think Xander even realized he was missing.

Once Xander found out, there’d be some sort of hell to pay. His boy wasn’t stupid. He’d connect the dots very quickly and then, well, then Spike would really see where they stood, wouldn’t he?

But he had a feeling that, while Xander might not like what he did, his boy would understand. Xander had a way of understanding things, of looking at things from a different angle than everyone else and figuring them out.

A car stopped in front of the house and Spike went to a window to look out. It was a sporty red little thing with a license plate that said “Queen C”. Spike grinned. It was Cordelia.

He wondered if Xander knew how much Spike actually watched him. When he’d had the falling out with the Slayer and made the deal with the cheerleader, Spike had followed her a night or two and, surprisingly, had liked what he saw.

For one thing, she would make a wonderful vampire. If it wasn’t for the fact that he’d promised Xander not to hurt her he’d turn her in a second, and was still considering approaching her about it in the future. It would depend on Xander, of course, but where his young lover would probably be like him, enjoying the hunt and thrill of the kill, Cordelia had what it took to be a Master of a large city. For hell’s sake, she already had a court -- boys beating each other up over her and minions.

She was a good influence on Xander. Or a bad one, whichever way you looked at it.

He listened as Xander’s steps carried him closer to the front door. He’d called two nights ago, saying that his ‘business’ would soon be finished. Hopefully he could surprise his boy.

The door opened and Xander stopped in the doorway before throwing himself at Spike so hard the vampire staggered to keep them from falling to the floor.

“SPIKE! You’re back! I missed you!” Warm arms and legs wrapped around him and Spike returned the embrace, reveling in the heat and the scent of his love. He carried Xander to the couch and sat down hard.

“Mmmm, missed you too, Xan. Love it that you missed me.” He captured Xander’s lips, licking them slightly before going in to map the recesses of his mouth. For his part, Xander gave as good as he got. He moved so that he was straddling Spike and the vampire could feel his boy’s hardness.

For a moment Spike thought about putting Xander away from him. They’d moved on to some petting and frottage before his trip but not much. Then Xander wriggled and pulled him closer and all logical thought went out of his head as he reveled in the feel of a warm and willing Xander.

Xander’s hands were moving all over his torso and Spike returned the favor, stroking and petting and just feeling his lover’s muscles flex and bunch. Almost without thought his hips thrust upwards to meet Xander’s and soon they had set a rhythm. Xander would pull away and gasp before diving into their kissing again.

It was during one of those breaks that Spike kissed his way down Xander’s jaw line. He found Xander’s earlobe and licked at it before biting, careful not to break the skin.

“You’re so pretty, pet, writhing on top of me and smelling so fucking good. Love you, Xan.” He kissed his way down Xander’s neck then thrust harder, at the same moment suckling at the nape of his lover’s neck.

Xander suddenly stiffened and then threw his head back and howled. The feel of Xander shuddering in his arms and the scent of his come had him following soon after.

They cuddled on the couch for a few moments, and Spike ran his hand up and down his boy’s back. He really hoped he didn’t lose this when Xander figured things out. Oh, he could probably still take him and even turn him but he loved having a willing human Xander. “God, I missed you, Xan.”

“Mmmm, missed you too. I’m…I’m glad you're back. Whatever it was you had to do.”

Xander snuggled into his arms and Spike kissed his temple softly. He only hoped that his lover finding out what had happened wouldn’t change things.

******

Xander wasn’t sure if he should laugh or start hitting people. Possibly both. He didn’t think he had ever been surrounded by so many idiots all at once, and that included the stupid pep rallies that Snyder forced the students to attend.

There was a guy standing in front of him in a cheap Bela Lugosi type outfit. He even had a sash with some cheap piece of costume jewelry attached to it and had his hair slicked back. With the exception of himself and Willow, the others weren’t much better.

Hell, he even fit in a bit. He was wearing black too. Still, he couldn’t help but look at all these stupid kids and wonder what the hell were they thinking.

He leaned over and whispered in Willow’s ear. “Are you noticing a theme here?”

“As in ‘Vampires! Yay!’”?

“That’s the one.”

Fifteen minutes later the urge to do violence was overcoming the urge to laugh. Calling vampires the ‘Lonely Ones’? That was so freaking stupid. He hadn’t even bothered to contradict Angel when he told the blonde that she was a fool.

Besides, what was with the name Chanterelle? Who had a mushroom for a name, anyway? Maybe she had done too many mushrooms and had fried her brain cells.

Still, it had been more than funny to see that vampire wanna-be dressed almost exactly as Angel. His sides hurt from keeping the laughter contained.

Willow’s voice brought him back to earth. “What do we do now?”

“You’ll do nothing. I’ll talk to Buffy and take care of this.” Angel sounded pissed off. In fact Angel had been sounding extra pissy ever since he and Willow had met up with him at her house at sunset.

He understood, in a way. After checking Ford out there was evidence of the guy being a total jerk, at the very least. He wondered what had made Angel ask Willow to check him out in the first place. It seemed, well, kinda rude. Not to mention an invasion of privacy.

Still, Ford was turning into a major creep. The big question in Xander’s mind was, who was the bigger creep, Ford or Angel?

“Xander!”

“Huh?”

“I said, we’d better go talk to Giles. Where were you, Mars?”

Xander gave one of his goofy grins. He only seemed to use them around Willow these days. “I was mocking Angel and his look-a-like in my head, what else? God, those people were…creepy. Don’t you think?”

“Oh yeah. I mean, vampires are all evil and fangy, so who’d want to be one? Come on, we’d better find Giles.”

He followed along quietly, though. He was afraid to open his mouth. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that if he went all the way with Spike his lover probably would want to turn him at some point in the future.

What really scared him, though, was that the thought wasn’t as scary as it should be. But he didn’t really count himself in with the other vampire groupies they had just left. For one thing, he liked to think he knew what Spike really was, as much as any human could understand.

For another, he didn’t have a stupid ass name like Diego or Chanterelle. And he wasn’t on drugs and half of those idiots were. Or needed to be. Still, maybe he should talk to Spike about it.

Later, though. And he had a strange feeling he should keep an eye on Deadboy as well.

Part Twenty-Two

Spike looked up as Xander slipped in through the back door of the house. Xander looked tired and sad and he found himself making a cup of tea before he even really thought about it.

Part of him hated it. Hated being so bloody domesticated and so fucking…nice. They were just so fucking cozy. Oh, he’d popped down to the docks and made a kill, a good one too. Some human with no neck who weighed as much as a small hippo who thought he’d teach the punk kid a lesson. And he’d had fun; it felt good to let his demon out and play with his food. Between the cuts from the straight razor, his fang marks and what the fish got by the time his corpse floated to the top of the water, no-one would be able to even tell it was a vampire attack.

But then came the sickening part. Instead of going out for a celebratory drink, or playing pool or doing one of a million things, he’d gone back to the house he shared with a human boy not even one fifth his age to wait for him to come home and see if he wanted to do anything together.

But as much as he hated it, he loved it. Loved that even though Xander was tired his face lit up when he saw Spike and that he was greeted with a kiss and a bit of a grope. Xander was getting bolder in their touching and flirting and it felt good to see him grow and become more confident in himself.

“Bad night, pet?”

Xander shrugged and drank from the mug that Spike had set in front of him. “Yes and no. The little gothic vamp wannabes were upset that there weren’t any “Lonely Ones” coming to end their mortal coil. One actually said that, mortal coil. How stupid can you get? I kinda wished you had shown up and killed a couple because if anyone needs a Darwin Award it’s those losers.”

Spike chuckled. His boy wanting him to kill someone? This was new. “Darwin Award, Xan?”

“Yeah, it’s this thing I found on the Internet instead of doing my class work Saturday before the shuffling undead showed up. Darwin Awards are given out to people who killed themselves due to their own stupidity, thereby taking their defective DNA out of the gene pool. I thought it was kind of funny. Then again, I’ve been hanging out with you and Cordy too much. But really, those kids are going to end up dead sooner or later; they might as well be walking around with 'eat me' signs stuck to their backs.”

Spike snorted. “Walking Happy Meals, luv, a vamp's best friend. Come to think of it, I guess vamps do help along evolution, taking out the stupid humans just so the smarter ones can live. Well, before television was invented, of course.”

Xander grinned. “Ah, television, the root of all evil. Civilization as we know it will probably fall during a reunion of the cast of Cheers in thirty years or so.” He took another sip of the tea and sobered. “Anyway, Ford was pissed off. Like, irrational and frothing at the mouth pissed that you didn’t show up.”

“Git. Like I’m his bloody beck and call vamp. Little arsewipe can think again.” Spike growled. He hated being manipulated by anyone, much less some human idiot who thought he knew everything.

“Yeah, well, it turns out he’s got a brain tumor. He’s got like six months to live. Him and Buff fought but by the time we got there to let them out they’d made up and were both crying. It was, I don’t know, sad isn’t enough of a word. I couldn’t imagine Willow having a tumor and finding out she was going to die. They ended up going back to Buffy’s house to talk. I guess Buffy forgave him for trying to lure her into a trap for you.”

Spike just shrugged. “Sounds like a bloody soap opera, if you ask me. Six months to live, teary confessions, all that rot.”

“Oh yeah. Add in the fact that Angel was there and was being majorly jealous? It was kind of fun to watch.”

Spike grinned. “Angelus always was a git about things he considered his. Couldn’t even borrow a bloody shirt without him having hysterics over it. Git. Enough of that, what say we go out and kill something since the Slayer’s tucked up in bed with her little friend?”

Xander’s face lit up yet again and Spike cursed himself for his earlier thoughts. It wasn’t like Xander was trying to change him or make him into a white hat. As his boy went to gather his weapons, Spike admitted to himself that the reason he was feeling…resentful earlier was because he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But didn’t it say something about Anthony Harris that absolutely no one, not even his wife or his son, missed him at all?

*****

Xander hesitated before knocking on Giles’ door. The girls, even Cordelia, were saying to give the older man time but Xander didn’t really think that’s what he needed. He could hear Dust in the Wind playing low on Giles’ stereo and knew he was right. He guessed everyone had a Music of Pain.

“Come on, Giles, open the door. Don’t make me pick the lock; you’ll have fits in the morning, knowing I can do that.”

He could hear cursing inside and then the music was turned down and fumbling footsteps sounded before the door swung open. “I suppose I should have known one of you would show up. I must admit, I fully expected Willow with a plate of cookies.”

Xander shrugged and followed Giles into the living room. The older man was in jeans and a tee shirt and he could really see the Ripper of twenty years ago. “Yeah, well, I kind of figured this was either an alcohol or tea kind of conversation and since I’m all American and can’t make a “bloody cup of decent tea” for the life of me, I figured I wouldn’t bother. And if there’s a place that would let me buy good scotch in town I really don’t think I'd want to go there.”

Giles actually chuckled at that. They sat down and he picked up a glass and made a sort of toast. The liquid in it was amber and Xander got the feeling that Giles was doing another “lost weekend” like Buffy had bitched about before. “Thank you, Xander, but I have the scotch covered. I’d offer you some but I do not think I should add corruption of a minor to my list of crimes.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to say that Spike was taking care of his corruption quite well, thank you. Hell, the vampire even offered him a beer every once in a while, he just stayed away from it. There was no way in hell he was going to end up like his father.

He looked Giles over and saw the new lines around his eyes and the pain there. “You know, this isn’t all your fault. The other people that helped summon Eyghon are just as much to blame as you are.”

“Well, they’re all dead now so bully for them.”

Xander sighed. Giles brooding was not good. He was more annoying than Angel, too. “And you’re not. Neither is Ethan so, hey, the good guys won. Of course, I’d consider him more of a good guy if he hadn’t tried to make Buffy the demon’s next victim. Still, it’s not like he pointed Eyghon at Ms. Calendar and make him possess her. It was an accident.”

“Oh, well, and I suppose that makes it all better now, does it? Except it didn’t. Jenny is barely speaking to me.”

Xander bit his lip to hide a smile as Giles downed the rest of his drink. Maybe things weren’t so different between their generations, because Giles just sounded like a kid whining that his girlfriend hadn’t called him back.

He took a deep breath and decided he’d better say what he came to say before Giles got either more drunk or, heaven forbid, more sober. This half-sloshed state was just right for what he was about to do.

“Giles can I, like, be totally honest with you for just a few minutes? Then I’ll go back to being the donut boy who was horrified by your secret identity, I promise.”

Giles made a waving motion with his hand and he took that as his permission to continue. “Okay, you and Jenny make a very cute couple. But, well, you’ve been on what, five dates? There were three football games, clubbing one night in LA and a monster truck rally. You, you are not an American football type person, not a techno music person and you are definitely not a monster truck person. Hell, G-man, I could do better dates with you than that!”

“Oh really? What would you suggest in this godforsaken town? The Bronze and sharing an order of chili-cheese fries? Perhaps you’d let me ride on the front of your bicycle?”

Xander narrowed his eyes. “No need to get all sarcastic, Giles! I’m just telling the truth. There are actually coffee houses with poetry readings near the college, the drama class does Shakespeare every once in a while and the same weekend of the truck rally there was a Santana concert in LA. Now, I know that in theory in the realm of boy/girl dating you have to do something to please the girl, but one of those dates could have been something you agreed on or that you liked, and not all about Jenny.”

Giles’s mouth opened and closed a few times and Xander allowed himself to sit back and look smug. So what if he was just a kid and had a secret love affair with a master vampire? He seemed to be dealing with this better than the girls would have.

Finally he closed his mouth and then got up and went to the kitchen and Xander could hear all sorts of tinkering. By the sound of things, Giles was making tea. Hopefully this was a good thing.

He was really taking a big risk here. Buffy and Willow were all for getting Giles and Jenny back together as quickly as possible. They were plotting and planning tonight during a slumber party, which was why he was here.

He kind of thought that if Ms. Calendar really loved Giles she wouldn’t have freaked out about his past as much as she had. If she really had taken the time and got to know him she would have known there was more than the Watcher and the tweed and the stutter. After all, he’d seen more, and just looking around the man’s living room Xander could see bits and pieces of his personality. A record collection that most people, including Spike most likely, would die for. There were statues and knickknacks from different countries and in-between the mystical books and research materials were authors that he hadn’t read but he at least recognized.

Xander had heard Ms. Calendar call Giles a fuddy duddy before this whole thing with Eyghon got started. And so did the girls, and Xander had gone along simply because he knew that was how Giles wanted to be seen by them. It was his mask, just like being the goofy friend who did nothing but joke around was his.

Giles came back bearing a tray with tea and Jaffa cakes. He tried not to bounce since he wasn’t supposed to know what they were but he’d snuck some of Spike’s before and really liked them.

“Ooh! Goodies! Thanks, Giles!”

“You know, Xander, you quite surprise me. I expected you children to come up with some plot to get Jenny and me back together but here you are suggesting…”

“That you break up with her? Maybe. That’s up to you. I just wanted you to know that your wants are important. Jenny looks right, just like to Buffy Willow looks right for me. But that’s not always the right thing and I think I just talked myself into a circle.” He grinned and grabbed up a cake.

Giles sipped his tea for a moment before setting it down and folding his hands across his chest. “So, tell me, Xander, just who do you think would be…right for me, that is?”

“You really want to know?” Giles nodded and Xander fidgeted. “Okay, umm, Ethan Rayne.”

Part Twenty-Three

He was treated to seeing Giles do his flounder impersonation for the second time in one night. This was sort of fun. “What? I…Ethan…how did you know?”

Xander grinned. “You all but came out and said you were bi this summer, G-man. And Ethan’s been skulking around town for nearly three weeks. He could have pulled off that Halloween thing anywhere but he did it here to get your attention. And if he killed Buffy, well, you wouldn’t have a slayer to Watch anymore and would be free to take up your life of crime once again. When I was eight I used to throw pinecones and mud balls at Jesse when he followed Cordelia too long. It’s pretty much the same thing only, well, more evil. It makes a weird sort of sense.”

He’d gotten that last bit figured out thanks to Spike. And it did make a weird sort of sense. Ethan had gotten away from them the other night when Angelus and Eyghon went toe to toe in Angel’s head but Spike said he was still around.

It was kind of cute in a weird sort of way. Not to mention the fact that if Giles and Ethan were dating, well then, Giles couldn’t very well object to Spike all that much, could he?

“And just what makes you think that I would allow myself to associate with a reprobate like Ethan Rayne?” Giles was putting on his Dignified British Guy routine, which Xander might have believed if not for the pictures he’d found in the older man’s file cabinets. He had shown the girls the one of teen rebel Giles in jeans and a tee shirt and doing his James Dean thing. He didn’t show them the other picture of Giles with his arm around the neck of a much younger Ethan, both of them leering at whoever had taken the picture.

He knew that feeling because Spike had thrown his arm around his neck many a time and would then proceed to pull him in close to say something for only Xander to hear or to kiss him until he saw spots. Either way, Giles wasn’t fooling him.

He took a deep breath. He’d been thinking about this sort of thing for a while now. Well, not the Ethan and Giles part but the good guy in love with a bad guy part. “Okay, I’m going to get into some really circular logic here, G-man, and I really hope you can keep up. As Willow would say, this is definitely not Earth People logic. In fact, it’s Babylon 5 logic.”

“Oh, dear lord. Xander…”

He held up his hands. “Giles, bear with me a bit. It'll become clear or you can call the men in the little white coats to take me away, all right? See, Babylon 5 wasn’t just a series with aliens and fighting. The creator meant it to be sort of a futuristic version of War and Peace. It took years to tell the entire story, but what it was mainly about was the fight between the Vorlons and the Shadows and all the different alien species that got caught up in between, including the humans and the Minbari.”

“Okay, so the Vorlons, they were like seriously into order and doing everything a certain way and following orders without question. They’d been manipulating humans and the other races for centuries, preparing them to fight the Shadows when they came back. You could say they were the good guys but they weren’t, not really.”

“The Shadows, well, they believed that chaos and destruction was the best way to get humans and other species to advance. Survival of the fittest and a Scorched Earth kind of policy. When you get down to it, though, between the two races you have light and dark or good and evil. And there was war."

"But what the leaders of the regular people figured out is that neither way was right. Total chaos just destroyed people and things needlessly but the Vorlons wanted total obedience without question. Too much order isn’t good for people either. You’ve got to have a middle ground.”

Giles actually looked interested. Well, at the very least he wasn’t laughing his ass off, so that was good, right?

“Well, in the end the Humans and Minbari won, but what I’m saying is that maybe, if you compromise with Ethan, you can give him some of your order, and he can share some of his chaos with you and you’ll be more balanced. Because, let’s face it, Giles, when you went back to the Watchers you pretty much let yourself be brainwashed back into their mindset. Thank god you let us hang around, otherwise you’d still be the tightass from last year and wouldn’t have any fun at all.”

Xander finally let his babble wind down. It really did sound logical, at least to him. Unless he was just fooling himself so he could feel better about falling in love with Spike. Maybe he should just let Spike turn him; philosophy wasn’t his strong point and he had a feeling he wouldn’t care so much if he didn’t have a conscience.

And wasn’t it weird when you actually thought about letting your boyfriend kill you so you didn’t have to worry about if you were evil or not? Or halfway evil. Whatever he was since he was a good guy “shagging” a bad guy.

And he really needed to get the Grey Council pledge thingie out of his head.

Giles sighed and took off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I’m not quite sure if I’m too drunk or not drunk enough, since I actually understood that and it made a bizarre kind of sense.”

Xander grinned. “Well, I did try to catch you before you got too drunk so you’d be more open to what I had to say. Are you still sort of sloshed? I’d love to play in your weapons cabinet if you are. That cross bow you were talking about the other day with the new trigger? It looks too cool!”

Giles gave him a look that said “shut up” but Xander saw how his lips were twitching. Good, he hadn’t pissed him off too badly. “Xander, I do believe I’ve had a difficult enough week that I could do without the trip to the emergency room when you shoot yourself in the foot.”

“Who, me?”

“Yes, you, Xander. In the meantime, I will think about what you said. Now can we please drop this awkward conversation before we both need to seek therapy?”

“Avoidance. I can do that really well.” He shifted in his seat. “What’s up with Buffy anyhow?”

This time Giles frowned. “What do you mean by that, exactly?”

“G-man, the other night she was wearing a sweat suit to do her Slayer stuff in. With long sleeves and it was baggy. That is too weird.”

“Yes, well, Buffy has been awfully quiet but I thought that was due to that Ford fellow.” Giles was leaning back in his chair and drinking tea again and he didn’t seem too worried. Still, there had been something off with Buffy for the last few days that had left Xander feeling unsettled. “Of course, it’s always hard to have to stake one of your friends. Perhaps you could talk to her.”

“What?!” Xander sat up. He hadn’t heard about anyone being vamped.

“Yes, while we were on patrol one night we ran into Ford. Apparently Spike had turned him to get back at Buffy or perhaps to punish Ford for trying to manipulate him. Buffy’s been quite upset about it. We talked a little after it happened but since then she refuses to say anything about it, even when I suggest she talks to you or Willow.”

Xander didn’t know what to say. He didn’t think Spike had done it, but he wasn’t sure. If Spike had done it, he would have left his body on Buffy’s doorstep with something metal sticking out of Ford’s skull to make sure Buffy knew who did it.

And he doubted Ford had let a minion get him. According to Buffy, the guy had some moves and could hold his own.

So, who killed Ford?

“Well, damn.”

Part Twenty-Four

“Did you kill Ford?”

Of all the questions Xander could have asked him, that one was the least expected. Did you kill my Father? Will you kill me? Those were the ones he’d been waiting on. Not one about some half witted human trying to play games with creatures older and more dangerous that he had ever thought about.

It was getting late. Xander had gone off to the Watcher’s house hours ago and Spike could smell the scent of tea and books and herbs that was Giles. He also had the scent of confusion and worry about him and Spike grabbed his arm and pulled him to the couch so they could sit side by side.

“Can’t say I didn’t think about it, but no, I didn’t. Could smell the sickness in him, and it was tempting, but I didn’t put one fang on him.”

“Huh.” Xander was biting at his bottom lip and it was on the tip of Spike’s tongue to offer to do that for him but his boy was deep in thought and obviously troubled.

“Why do you need to know, luv?”

“Well, Ford got vamped, and Giles kinda thinks it’s you. Except you didn’t and while Ford was sick he was healthy enough to stake a minion or two. And Buffy’s not talking about it, or swearing vengeance so I’m wondering what the hell is going on.” He sighed. “Buffy’s been acting…odd. Not that I hang around her all that much anymore anyway. But I get the feeling that I’m missing something, like I’m trying to put a puzzle together but I’m missing a corner piece and can’t figure out the picture without it.”

“Well, luv, the only thing I can say is maybe…fuck, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but maybe you should spend more time with her. Figure out what’s wrong.” He hated saying that; the words left a foul taste in his mouth. Encourage his lover to spend more time with his enemy? It was a bloody stupid thing to do and more than likely would come back to bite him on the arse.

But that’s what you did when you loved someone, helped them with their problems, and he could see Xander was worried. He was turning into such a fucking nancy-boy it wasn’t even funny.

“Yeah, maybe. It’s just…hard. I can’t talk to her about half the things I’d like to talk about. Because as much as I’d love some Buffy and Willow bonding time, I really don’t want to have to keep dancing around the whole evil boyfriend issue. I still haven’t figured out why Angel doesn’t do that vamp smelling thing and figure it out.”

Spike snorted. “That’s easy, luv. Had some mojo done, don’t usually like it but it kept me from worrying. At first I used it to cloak my presence but I had it tweaked so that Peaches can’t tell I’m anywhere near you.”

“Well, that’s good. Is that how he didn’t notice us too much when we did the hair dye thing? And do you have more because we’ve got to do that again? Deadboy is getting too tense.”

He laughed. “Pet, as much as I love the thought of annoying the shit out of Angelus, and believe me even as a fledge that was one of my favorite hobbies, I wouldn’t do it too much. Even with the soul, Liam Flinn was a drunken, sullen bastard who loved to bully.”

Xander was quiet for a moment, his eyes far away. “Hmm, that makes a weird sort of sense.” He shook his head. “Well, anyway, I can’t tell Giles that I know you didn’t kill Ford because I know when you’re being full of shit and you were telling the truth. That is one conversation I am so not ready for yet. Besides, I think I made his head spin around enough just by suggesting he get together with his old boyfriend.”

“Is that why you were asking about that Chaos Mage? Him and the Watcher used to fuck? Well now, that’s…positively out of character for a Watcher. Good for him!”

“Well, I did kind of encourage him for my own dastardly reasons.” Xander sighed and snuggled closer and Spike loved the feeling of his heartbeat and his warmth beside him.

“Dastardly? Did you say dastardly, luv? What the fuck kind of shite are you reading, Mills and Boone? That’s just…silly.”

“Yeah well, it sounds better than saying that I hope Giles gets laid before he finds out about you and me so he’ll be more relaxed. And hey, Ethan is more evil than not so that works too. He’d be all rock throwing and pot calling if he protested too much.”

“Xander, I love you but you’ve got to stop it with the similes and clichés; you screw them over all together.”

“Yeah, you’d think I would have realized that after the whole hot dog conversation but I’m no quitter, I’ve got to keep trying.”

“Git.”

“Asshole.”

It occurred to Spike that this was the moment he’d been waiting for. Xander had asked him for total honesty about Ford and it was the perfect time to tell him the truth.

He pulled back from Xander, and got a small frown in return. “Luv, Xander, I’ve got to tell you something that you’re not going to like. If it was just me I wouldn’t give a flying shite but this is about us and you’ve got to know.”

“Spike? What…”

He kissed Xander, because if his love was going to be angry and hurt he wanted to have just one more kiss. He only pulled away when the scent of Xander’s pheromones made its way to him.

“Xander, it’s about your git of a Father.”

*****

God, his life was so fucking weird. When the hell did it get that way? He couldn’t blame it all on Buffy, his next door neighbor had died at the hands of a “barbeque fork” a week before he’d run into the new blonde girl that morning outside of school. It was amazing that the local stores even sold the damn things anymore, given their tendency to attack and maim people with no explanation.

Maybe it started happening when he turned thirteen. A lot of things change when you go from being a kid to a teenager, and people start treating you different. You go to Junior High and milk doesn’t always come in those little cartons anymore and you don’t get a milk break anyhow so it doesn’t matter.

Maybe it happened even earlier than that. Maybe his life got weird the day that Jesse moved down the block and he realized his and Willow’s families were the odd ones, and that some people had parents that actually gave a crap.

Or it could have been the day he saw a red headed little girl crying over a crayon and gave her a hug and wanted to make it better.

All of those were possibilities, but it wasn’t it.

He was sitting in one of the out of the way corners of school campus. He'd gone long enough to not be missed by Giles and the girls and then skipped class. He knew he’d have to get his brain together by the time of his study period with Giles. The man didn’t miss much and, while he really needed to talk this time, Giles wasn’t the one he could confide in.

No, if he could talk to anyone it would have been Willow. But Willow didn’t know about Spike, didn’t even realize he was seriously dating someone, for god’s sake. Part of that was his fault. He was too good at hiding but he knew she didn’t want to know so she ignored things.

But Willow would have understood. At least he hoped she would. Then again, she never noticed any of the bruises or cuts or wrenched arms before, so maybe she wouldn’t.

Spike had killed his Father. Murdered him. Fuck, knowing Spike it was doubtful that his Father had left this world with all his body parts intact. He had said he didn’t want to know the details, but maybe that had been a mistake. The truth couldn’t be any worse than what his brain was coming up with.

But Spike had killed for him. To avenge him and protect him and…it was for him. Because he cared. Because Spike loved him.

And it was really weird. That this evil, undead creature whose nature was to kill had killed for him and then worried about it. Well, not about the fact that he killed. To Spike his Father had been nothing more than…well, not a cow. Spike didn’t feed from him. Maybe a rat, or a big spider. And Spike had killed the big icky spider that was bothering Xander and then worried that Xander was bothered by the fact that he squashed it.

Xander leaned back and banged his head on the stucco on the side of the building. He wondered if this was how Drusilla got crazy, contemplating the meaning of life and love and death. Then again, Angelus had killed her family because he was an asshat.

Spike had killed his Father because the man was an abusive bastard.

He had a sudden flash of memory. It was one of those weird feelings like they talked about on crap shows like Maury or Oprah. He was little, like three or four, and had looked out his bedroom window and had seen a monster looking back at him.

He remembered running to his parents, throwing himself in the bed in between them and crying.

He remembered how his Father had picked up his shoe and started hitting him on the ass, saying how he was a big boy now and big boys don’t cry like little sissies. Big boys didn’t imagine monster. Big boys didn’t lie.

And he knew, he knew, that that was the moment his life got weird. Not because he’d seen a monster, and fuck if he knew what kind of demon he must have seen. No, it had gotten weird right then, because most parents would have let their kid sleep with them or even maybe given him a hug and gotten him a drink of water. Then they would have taken him by the hand and led him back to his room and pointed out that there were no monsters but they’d leave the door cracked with the hall light on so he wouldn’t get scared.

When he got up from school this morning he had told Spike that he would be okay, but now he knew he’d be okay. He had never wanted his Father dead but then again, Spike hadn’t asked him. Spike had just done what he always did, protected someone he cared about. Xander had read enough of the Watchers' Diaries to know that.

So he’d go to class and put on his “Happy Xander” face and act normal and he’d go home to his lover who just happened to be an evil vampire and maybe they’d go somewhere this weekend. Because it was going to be okay.

His Father may not have cared enough to cherish him, but Spike did. Spike had killed the monster for him. And that was all that mattered.

Part Twenty-Five

He wondered how he always ended up following the girls. This was the second night in a row that he’d managed to get both Buffy and Willow out for a group patrol but it always seemed like they would clan up and giggle and whisper and he would end up following along.

Xander knew he was reaching out almost desperately for his friends. Oh, he still went home to Spike but he knew he was being… quiet. They hadn’t done more than kiss and cuddle in the past five days. Spike seemed to understand but Xander was getting impatient, in a way. He didn’t want to feel all guilty and emotional over someone who had hurt him for so long.

But he did. And he didn’t. It was entirely possible he was in the early stages of Multiple Personality Disorder or something because it was like there were all these different miniature Xanders in his head and one was cheering that his Dad was gone and another was crying and then there was one that was pointing out that he was supposed to stop Spike from doing stuff like that, not encourage it.

But the mini-Xander that went “Awww, isn’t Spike sweet?!” hog tied the moral mini-Xander and shoved him down a well, while at the same time a mini-Xander who sounded like Giles went on in his head about courtship rituals. He might as well start talking to dolls and the stars; it beat trying to figure out what was going on in between his ears.

He sighed and then jogged a bit to catch up to Buffy and Willow. He was trying to connect to them, really. It was just sorta odd. They just seemed so…flighty; almost like the Cordettes, in a way. Given a chance they were just like them; they’d giggle and whisper and compare outfits and all that girly stuff. In fact, as much as Buffy would get all growly over Cordy, he knew that what she really wanted was to be just like her.

He caught up to them and bumped Willow so she would run into Buffy. “So, what are you two lovely ladies hoping to get into at the Career Fair? I’ve got to say, considering where we live I’m surprised bounty/demon hunter isn’t an option, since that’s what I was hoping for.”

Buffy nearly stumbled and even Willow gave him a weird look before giving him a grin that was way too perky. “That would be cool! I’m kinda hoping something in computers or the health care profession. Mom and Dad are always wanting me to be a doctor, that or marry one. What about you, Buffy?”

“I told you guys that I’m trying to just ignore the whole thing. I don’t see why you guys keep bringing it up. I’m going to be stuck on the Hellmouth until I die or it freezes over. Thinking about everyone else being able to get away from here just…”

“Hurts.” Xander smiled at her. “Face it, Buff, you want to be in Cordy’s shoes. You just need to stop worrying about it. Embrace your inner shallow shopaholic.”

“Xander! That’s not what Buffy is saying at all! Is it?” Willow sounded so confused and so hopeful and Xander knew she just realized something. Within the first month of knowing her Buffy had admitted that she had been the Queen Bitch of her old school. She had an entourage just like Cordy had hers and dated the Quarterback and wore all the right clothes and looked down on everyone who didn’t.

But it was like Willow was just realizing that, and she wanted Buffy to deny that because the Buffy before the Slayer gig would have never talked to either Willow or Xander because they were that low on the social ladder.

They stopped in the middle of Restfield Cemetery and he waited while Buffy looked down and pulled at the hem of her shirt.

“God, I don’t know, Willow. I miss being normal. I miss the fact that the biggest problem I used to have was what dress to wear or if anyone else had a sweater like mine and what did my hair look like. And I’m sick and tired of having to scrub out my clothes because I don’t want Mom to ask about the bloodstains. I just…wish I was like everyone else.”

Standing there watching his friend, Xander could really see that. Buffy had on her tight jeans with a shirt and a brown leather coat and he wondered if she was trying to dress up to feel better or to impress the fledges.

Willow had that hurt look on her face again and her eyes look sorta like one of those characters in a Japanese anime that wear cat's ears, all huge and watery. The part of his brain had been hanging around Spike and Cordy too much wanted to make a sarcastic remark but the mini-Xander that does and always will love Willow clubbed the mean-Xander over the head and he reached over and squeezed her on the arm before turning to Buffy.

“Yeah, I can see that. But hey, being a Slayer isn’t all that bad. For one thing, you have two very cool sidekicks and, as much as I can’t stand the bastard, do you think Angel would give you the time of day if you weren’t the Slayer?”


“Xander, do not go there.” Buffy’s voice was cold and her face was blank. Xander put his hands up in surrender. To him it was obvious; part of Angel wanted to be punished and what better way to do it than to have a relationship with someone whose life was killing vampires?

“Ooh! Don’t forget that you’re all…strong and stuff! It must be nice to be able to open pickle jars without having someone to help you or, you know, to nearly break your hand. And you can eat all the chocolate ice cream you want and you won’t gain weight because you use up all the calories!”

That brought a smile to his face. Willow was just so…Willowish. Eternally optimistic, she could look at the worst cloud and find the silver lining.

“Sometimes I like having someone else around to open the pickle jars for me, though, and I get tired of having to worry about opening my locker door too hard in case I rip it off its hinges.” Buffy sighed and seemed to huddle into herself. “Don’t mind me, guys, I’m just being a party pooper. I should go home, where the only party I have to poop on is my own.”

Willow wrinkled her nose at that and Xander laughed. “Ewwww. Gross image there, Buff!”

“Oh! You know what I mean, Xander!” Buffy slapped him on the arm playfully and he grinned at her. That had been the happiest expression he'd seen on her since doing those stupid multiple-choice tests that were supposed to determine their future careers. Either that or to check and see if they had any sexual fantasies about the local plant life. Why else ask if they liked shrubs or not?

They parted ways, Buffy to go home to mope or wash her hair or whatever since Xander had promised to walk Willow home. Willow didn’t seem to have any confidence in him, though; her shoulders drew up and she started looking over her shoulders as she hurried along.

“Chill out, Wills. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He grinned confidently at her. He might not have slayer strength or speed but nowadays he could handle himself. Well, against fledges, at least. An older vamp or a master would be out of his league but other than Spike there weren’t that many around town and, knowing Spike, he had some sort of cosmic “Do Not Touch on Pain of Torture” sign floating about his head.

“Sorry, Xan. I know you’ve been training with Giles and all but I still worry.”

“Whatever, Willow.” He sighed. He remembered why he had stopped hanging out with Willow and Buffy quite so much; there was nothing to say. It was like there was this great big…thing in between them and he didn’t know what to say. He only had two classes a day with the girls now, and while they hung out in the Library after school they talked about demons and slayage and stuff.

It was simpler in some ways to talk to Cordy. All he’d have to do was ask her a question about fashion or herself or make fun of someone else and they’d be good to talk for an hour or so. Add in the fact that she regularly teased him for sleeping with Spike and having a death wish, well, it was just easier. He didn’t have to hide anything from her.

Well, walking along beside his best friend saying nothing wasn’t helping either. “Hey, Willow, have you noticed anything…weird up with Buffy lately? She’s acting, I dunno, gun shy or something. All nervous and stuff.”

“I don’t know, Xander. I don’t know what’s going on with anyone anymore! Buffy says it’s because she’s with Angel and vampires get all splotchy and possessive so she’s been spending more time with him. Half the time I don’t even know where you are anymore and I end up at home, alone, studying. My parents are overjoyed, and my pre-SATs are going to look wonderful but sometimes I just wish…”

Damn. He hadn’t thought of that. “I’m sorry, Wills. I didn’t mean to leave you out. I just thought, well, you were less than thrilled about me being gay, so I wanted to give you some time. Plus I’m busy a lot of the time... but you should have said something. I just assumed you were with Buffy most of the time.”

He had thrown his arm around her shoulders and she snuggled into his side. “You know what they say about assuming, Xander. Besides, what has you so busy? You’ve dropped a lot of your more college prep classes, and you don’t patrol with Buffy that much anymore.”

Ack. This was so not going to be a fun conversation. “Well, I’m writing a 100 page story for Creative Writing class right now and it’s going to be too cool. Actually, I’m doing a fictional horror but it’s based on this demon I remember seeing when I was a kid and didn’t realize. Then Giles gives me homework, and I’m learning some Latin, enough to recognize key words so I can skim books and look for them while researching. Plus I’m learning how to kill different demons, which is really fun, and boy, does that make me sound like a psychopath.”

And he had his very own body count to go with his new psychopathic tendencies. Larry, his two buddies and his Father. Not that he was going to admit any one of those to Willow. Hell, he didn’t like admitting that to himself. In fact, all the little Xanders inside his head were working together to shove that thought in a little box in the back of his mind. Nope, not going to go there.

But he could talk about Spike. He smiled. “And, well, are you really okay with me being all gay? Can I talk to you about it?”

“Of course, Xander! You idiot, you can tell me whatever you want.” She poked him in the side and he winced. “In fact, you’d better say something, Mister! You’ve been holding back on me, huh?”

“Yep. His name is…Will.” Giles knew that much, at least. “No, it’s not the Will who’s in the AV club. I have much better taste than that. He’s, well, he’s older so he doesn’t go to school. He’s blonde and gorgeous and would do anything for me.”

And how true that last statement was, but he wasn’t going to think about that right now; it was going right back into the mental box where it belonged.

“Oh! He’s sounds…nice! When do I get to meet him?”

Oh god, panic time. “Well, for one thing, he’d be the first person to tell you he wasn’t nice. To me, yeah, but not to most people. He’s, like, anti-nice. And until you can not freak over the idea of me and a guy you’re not going to meet him, because I love you, Wills, and I really don’t want to put you in the hospital with a heart attack at such a young age.”

They had reached her house and he pulled away and walked her to the door. “Your stop, Willow. Have a good night.”

“Xander! You can’t just tell me that you’re dating some…older, not nice man and just say goodnight! I need more information!”

“I just said he wouldn’t be nice to most people, but he’s very nice to me. Hell, he cares more about me than most people, and knows more about me too. I’m lucky, Wills, and when you can understand that I’ll take you to meet him. Okay?”

“Promise?” In the darkness she looked like a little girl and suddenly he felt so much older. He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Pinky swear promise. For real.”

She smiled and he was able to smile back at her. He’d told her the truth; as soon as he could get her to understand how someone that wasn’t nice could love someone, he’d take her to meet Spike. And pray that she wouldn’t tell Buffy.

He waited until the light went on in her room to leave. Part of him wanted to sneak into her room like he used to do and just tell her everything; about Spike, his Dad, feeling like he was different because he was seeing the world differently, thanks to Spike. But Willow wasn’t ready for that. Despite the fact that they were only a month apart in age, she was still a little girl in a lot of ways.

Right now she couldn’t see how much Spike loved him, all she would see is her best friend being tricked or thralled or something like that. And she’d kill Spike and that would kill him.

He remembered talking to Spike about the age thing, about how Angel was so much older than Buffy because he was mentally older, not chronologically. And while Spike in many ways was no older than a teenager in his mental attitude, it was weird because Xander kinda felt like he was growing up too.

He shook his head and started walking home. Willow lived on the other side of Sunnydale but he was glad he’d taken the time. He still felt odd around Buffy and Willow but at least Willow was trying to understand.

Buffy sounded like she was just having identity problems. Yeah, it sucked being the Slayer and having a shelf life shorter than a box of Twinkies but it wasn’t like anyone could change it. But it would sound rude if he told her to just suck it up and get over it, even though that was what he wanted to do. Sometimes, at least.

There was a noise behind him and Xander tensed. He reached into his pockets for the stake and knife that he was carrying.

“Anti-nice pet? M’not sure if that’s a compliment or not.”

Xander grinned and ran over to meet his lover. He should have known he was being followed. “Well, if I would have said that you’re an absolute marshmallow around me and you just have a tough guy image thing going, you’d kick me out of bed. Or do something equally wicked just to prove you were evil. Anyway, I want her to get used to the idea that my boyfriend is slightly evil so that when I bring her home to meet you she won’t have kittens in the living room.”

“First of all, pet, “Boyfriend”? In case it hasn’t escaped your notice, I haven’t been a boy for over a hundred years. Secondly, you want me to be all…nice to Red?”

“Yep, you’ll be nice to Willow, and to Giles because he will figure it out eventually. Think of it as meeting the parents.” There was an awkward pause while all the inner Xanders pushed the fact that Spike had already met his Dad back in the box. He needed to get a better mental lock for that thing.

Xander shook his head. “And, technically, I consider you my boyfriend because lover is too intimate for public and sweetie pie is just way too gay.”

Spike gave one of his sly grins, the kind that made Xander’s breath catch and his pants get tight. “Lover, eh?”

Xander blushed and sort of ducked his head. They hadn’t done all that much, yet, but that was how he thought of Spike. “Umm, yeah.”

Cool fingers were under his chin and his head was tipped for a kiss. There were lips and tongue and Xander could feel all the blood rushing through his body to his groin. When Spike pulled back he felt dizzy and all tingly. He loved those types of kisses.

“Come on, Xander, let’s go home.”

Part Twenty-Six

Spike woke in the early afternoon to the sounds of Xander trying to quietly sneak into the house. He knew it was Xander because only his young lover could make enough noise to wake the entire neighborhood when he was trying to be quiet in the house. The sound of one heavy shoe hitting the floor and the soft swearing made him grin.

Then he looked at the clock and lost his amusement. Xander was home entirely too early; he was supposed to be bothering the Watcher or doing whatever the hell it was they teach in American schools. From what Spike could see, they didn’t teach all that much.

He listened closely as Xander made his way from the living room to the kitchen. Spike could hear his love humming under his breath as he poured the cereal. Whatever it was that caused Xander to be home early wasn’t bad.

He sighed to himself and scrubbed his hands across his eyes. It was entirely too early to be awake, and Xander was trying to be quiet so Spike could just roll over and go back to sleep. Problem was, he was a curious bugger and now that he was awake enough to think about it he wondered just what had happened to make Xander come home. Not that he liked it when Xander went to school anyhow but he wanted a Childe that was well educated. American schools might not do it but Spike had been tutoring him with his studies. He’d watched as Xander’s bright mind started working and growing and his boy started learning more than ever before.

All Xander had needed was a little encouragement and confidence. His boy had let slip a few things about when Red tried to help him and, from what he could tell, more often than not the little slip of a girl would get frustrated by Xander’s energy and give up. Spike didn’t.

Spike sighed and slipped on a pair of pants and made his way quietly into the living room. There Xander was, with his feet up on the couch and a bowl full of one of his noxious sugary things as he watched something on the telly with the sound turned low.

He didn’t look hurt or upset or anything like that, but there was the faint scent of adrenaline and anger around Xander. Spike purposely made some noise before going into the room to sit beside him.

“Any special reason you’re home so early, pet, or did you just miss me?”

“Spike!” Xander nearly choked on one of those absurdly colored marshmallows that were in his cereal and Spike had to pat him on the back to help him breathe. “Wow, umm, sorry if I woke you up. I kinda, sorta, got suspended and it was boring hanging out at the mall with no one there.”

Xander looked guilty and embarrassed but Spike just laughed and ran his hand through his boy’s hair. “Suspended, eh? What evil thing did you do to get kicked out, luv, put up a picture of one of your male teachers in a dress?”

Xander relaxed and went back to eating, talking in between shoving spoonfuls of sugar in his face. “Nope, even better. Okay, so first, I got in trouble for daydreaming in History class. Then I mouthed off to the teacher because he was saying how nothing good came from WWII. Now, all that slaughter was bad, yeah, but if it wasn’t for WWII, the United Nations wouldn’t be around and the 'States would still be all isolated because before Pearl Harbor we didn’t do jack shit for the rest of the world. Mr. Lilly looked like he swallowed a bug and then kicked me out of the class.”

Xander took a deep breath and shoved another spoonful of food into his mouth before continuing and Spike found himself sitting back and grinning. Of all the ways he’d been working on corrupting Xander, giving him too much knowledge wasn’t what he had planned but the boy was so proud that he knew these things and Spike just had to smile.

“Then we had a reading comprehension test in English class. Okay, I have Mr. Musick for Creative Writing but I have Mrs. Adams for regular English and she’s stupid. I mean, she can’t find her glasses and they’re on her face kind of stupid. I kinda failed a test because I said that the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. But no…according to him they landed at Cape Cod. I sort of pointed out that you can’t land in Cape Cod because it’s a body of water, and that the Pilgrims freaking well signed Plymouth Rock and…well, between the two Snyder suspended me for three days. Seems I have a smart mouth.”

Xander was bouncing and Spike could tell the lad was proud of himself. “You have a smart everything, luv. It’s fucking amazing you even know how to read considering some of your teachers, pet.”

“Yeah, well, thank Jim Henson and the Electric Company. Without them I probably wouldn’t have even learned to read until second grade. And Mr. Rodgers, can’t forget about him, even though as I get older and more perverted I can’t help but laugh every time I see Trolley go into the tunnel.”

Spike just looked at Xander with one of his eyebrows raised and Xander blushed. He shook his head; sometimes Xander babbled about the weirdest things. Still, he wasn’t nearly as insane as Dru and was more loyal so he mainly just listened.

This time it looked like Xander had babbled himself out. Either that or he was still getting used to the idea that someone thought he was more than just the goofy mask that he would still put on around the Slayer and her bunch.

Spike ran his hand through his hair. “Tell you what, Xan, let me wake up a bit and once it gets dark we’ll do something to celebrate. Go to LA or something.”

Xander gave a snort. “Only you would think of rewarding me for being suspended, Spike, but okay. Hey, can I drive?”

“Only in your dreams, pet!” Spike ruffled his young lover’s hair as he got up to make his way to the shower. He wouldn’t let Xander drive his precious DeSoto, but maybe he’d find some other car for the boy to practice driving in. He didn’t have a license yet, despite the fact that he was older than sixteen, and Spike seriously doubted that bastard that squirted into his mother's belly ever got off his fat arse to teach Xander how to drive in the big city.

He listened to Xander humming under his breath and grinned to himself. Maybe he’d teach Xander how to jimmy a car door and hot wire it. You never know when that talent might come in handy.

*****

Xander sat back in his chair at the Library table and sighed. He was bored. Bored, bored, bored. Giles was busy in his office and the girls hadn’t come in from whatever the hell it was they were doing. Then again, anything would be boring after eight hours of the Psychopath Driving School. He fought back the urge to grin. He knew he should feel guilty about his “lessons”, especially since they had “borrowed” someone else’s car, but it had been fun.

Deep down he knew that more and more he was testing his limits. Even Giles had frowned when he’d confessed about getting mouthy at two of his teachers. It wasn’t what he had said but how he said it, he knew, but he just couldn’t respect someone who was that idiotic. Add to that the fact that he’d heard that Mr. Lilly liked to pay attention to the tenth grade girls a little too much and it just went to remind him that not all monsters were demons.

Plus it was fun, freaking the mundanes out. That’s what he was beginning to call the people of the Hellmouth that were blind, deaf and dumb. The other night he’d been hanging out with Cordy at the Bronze and Harmony had nearly been attacked by a vampire. He’d saved her but she had totally ignored the fangs and yellow eyes. She had thought he was just some jerk and had started bitching, which almost made him wish he hadn’t saved her life.

Oh well, at least Cordy was glad he hadn’t let her minion die.

He heard a set of footsteps in the hall and Xander grinned. Speak of the devil and She would appear. Cordelia came stalking into the library, obviously pissed off, the short red dress and pulled up hair all but screaming, “Bitch with an attitude.”

“There you are! Aren’t you off that suspension or whatever yet? I actually needed to talk to you for once and you weren’t there!”

“Sorry, Cordy, I still have one more day being blissfully school free. Well, Wills is bringing me homework to do but other than that… Why, what did you need?”

She sat down on the library table he was in front of and crossed her legs. He had to admire the move; he was gay, not dead. Besides, he pretty much figured that she’d practiced in front of a mirror every day for a month when she was in Junior High just to get it right, so it would be rude not to look.

“Okay, there are some retarded fledges running around town, and I can’t help but hope your boyfriend doesn’t have such bad taste. Whoever vamped Tina DeWitt probably had some serious issues; she is such a know it all. And get this, one tried to pick me up last night! Wearing something out of a bad Saturday Night Live sketch, one of the ones after Belushi left. What are you going to do about it?”

Xander frowned. He knew for a fact that Spike wasn’t making any minions right now, said they were stupid and a pain in the ass. He knew that there were a few that Spike…talked to? Connected with? Ordered around and they scurried to do his every wish?

A sharp slap on the back of his head brought him out of his confusing thoughts. “Don’t you dare space out on me! It’s bad enough that Buffy is acting weirder than ever before, with your lifestyle you can’t afford to get any stranger. Can you do anything or not?”

He looked around to see if there was anyone else in the library to hear her. Giles was quiet in his office but not too quiet. Well, at least he hoped he wasn't being too quiet. It would be just his luck to have Giles hear a conversation about Spike.

“Okay, number one, it just ruins my image of you to know that you watch reruns of SNL. Two, I’ll have Sp—Will check things out. What happened last night ... I mean, I know you’re okay since you’re sitting here in the sunlight and all that, but how?”

“Please! I’m not stupid, Xander. Ever since finding out about this burg’s nocturnal activities I’ve been taking Tae Bo. I may not be up to Buffy’s standards but I’m getting pretty good. It’ll keep my ass from going south in another five years, too. Oh, and high heels are a girl’s best friend, not diamonds. Not that I’d say no to diamonds…”

Xander couldn’t help but grin at her. Cordy sounded so proud of herself. It occurred to him that in a lot of ways Cordy had just as sucky a home life as he did. Okay, maybe her Dad didn’t beat the crap out her but it wasn’t like anyone at home gave a shit either. They pretty much ignored her.

Then his grin got even wider. “Gotta say, great idea with the Tae Bo, Cordelia, but I’ve got an even better plan…”

Part Twenty-Seven

“So, I'm Ted, the sickly loser. I'm dying and my wife dumps me. I build a better Ted. He brings her back, holds her hostage in his bunker'o'love until she dies. And then he keeps bringing her back, over and over. Now, that's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed.” Xander shoved his hands down into his pockets as he walked down the hall to the Library.

The past few days had been really, really weird. He’d started out by convincing Giles that the school needed a self-defense class for the girls. He’d worked with the Watcher to find someone who specialized in teaching women how to defend themselves and convinced Miss Calendar, of all people, to be the faculty sponsor.

Then Cordy had dropped a hint that the class needed more guys so that the girls knew who to date and the classes quickly filled with just about every Tom, Dick and Harry that wanted time with any of the Cordettes. As a result, a good fourth of the school were learning how to deal with muggers and creeps and Giles and Buffy weren’t even connected to the idea so Snyder couldn’t complain. Well, the little toadie did complain, but when didn’t he?

He complained even more when Buffy was accused of killing Ted, her Mother’s new boyfriend. Or course he didn’t complain as loudly as Spike had when Xander had come home from his afternoon of golf drugged and overly happy. You’d think an evil master vampire wouldn’t have problems with his human being just a little bit stoned but Spike was Not Happy with capital letters.

Oh, he hadn’t been pissed at Xander, but it was Spike who figured out that Ted’s cookies had been messed with. Of course Xander had to figure out a way of pointing that out without bringing Spike into it but waving the cookie under Willow’s nose while under the influence had done the job.

“The sad part is, the real Ted must've been a genius. There were design features in that robot that pre-date...”

Willow had been in charge of dismantling Ted after Buffy had successfully bashed his circuits in. Xander thought she might have been a little bit too impressed with Ted’s circuitry.

Buffy must have thought so too. “Willow, tell me you didn't keep any parts.”

“Not any big ones.”

“Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good!"

Willow blushed and looked down. “I just wanna learn stuff.”

Xander had to grin at that. It was just so…Willowish for her to try to figure out what made Ted work.

“What, like how to build your own serial killer?”

Xander winced. Cordelia was in fine form today. Normally he wouldn’t care but he still hated it when she sniped at Willow. Even though Willow kind of deserved it for keeping little Ted Bits, and boy, did that sound weird. “Uh, it’s so hard to rent one nowadays.”

Cordelia wrinkled her nose. “Can we just drop the subject?”

Buffy bounced on her toes. “Absolutely. I plan to forget the whole thing.”

She pushed open the door and the rest of them followed. There was still time before class to sit in the Library and talk about Ted without being overheard.

Unfortunately, it looked like they walked into what would soon become World War Three. Jenny Calendar was there glaring at Giles and Giles had his glasses off and looked entirely too much like Ripper for Xander’s comfort.

The girls stopped and Xander tried to get them to either scoot over or back out of the library. He got the feeling this was something they didn’t need to see but all three of them just stood there, staring. Buffy’s mouth had fallen open and Willow had her head down but was looking through her hair.

Then Miss Calendar looked up and made a huffy sort of noise. “Well, why don’t you tell them what I saw last night and we’ll just see who understands.” She all but ran out the door, the sound of her high heels echoing in the otherwise quiet room. Once the sound had faded down the hall, Xander allowed himself to breathe.

“Well, it looks like you’re having a crappy week too. You okay, G-man?”

Giles sort of limped over to a chair and slowly sat down and Xander realized the man must be hurt. Xander started to worry since Giles didn’t object to the G-man thing. “Bloody hell, will this week ever end?”

Okay, this called for alcohol of some sort because Giles was hurt and swearing and that probably meant that there would be plague of locusts or frogs pretty soon. Evidently the girls thought so too because Buffy and Willow quickly joined him at the table. Cordy looked at him and shrugged before following. He wasn’t fooled; she liked Giles too, she just didn’t like other people knowing she liked him.

Buffy put her hand on Giles’s arm. “Are you okay, Giles? Did you guys fight or something?”

Willow gave her supportive face. “Do you need chocolate and ice cream or is that just a girl thing? Do guys eat chocolate when they have fights with their girlfriends? I mean chocolate has chemicals that make your brain think it’s had sex so that would work for everything, right?”

Xander leaned forward and put his hand over her mouth. Giles’s eyes were glazing over from the rapid stream of information and he didn’t think the older man could handle it. “Breathe, Wills. Besides, you guys forget what Giles is. Giles is British more than male or female and that means he needs tea. Lots and lots of tea.”

“Please, I don’t think I can have this conversation without something…stimulating.”

He left the girls to their interrogation and went into Giles’s office. The electric kettle Giles kept in there was already turned on and hot so Xander dug in the back of the drawer where Giles hid his P.G. Tipps tea bags. Then he dug one of his lock picks out of his back pocket and opened the locked drawer at the bottom of the desk and poured a bit of brandy into the mug with the tea before locking everything back up.

He had a feeling he knew what had happened. Last night, while he and Willow and Cordy were breaking and entering into RoboTed’s lair, Giles had gone on patrol. Willow had worried about the Watcher going out alone but Giles had done some pretty quick talking and redirected her train of thought.

But Xander figured that Giles wouldn’t be alone, so if he wasn’t patrolling with one of the Scoobies he must have gone out with someone else. Possibly a certain Chaos Mage? And if Miss Calendar was being extra special pissy, that meant that she must have seen them out together. God. That must have been bad. Hopefully the limp was from a vamp or demon attack and not from getting a stiletto heel shoved where the sun didn’t shine.

Then again, Giles had sat down gingerly. But that could be from him and Ethan…

Xander quickly broke away from that thought and took the tea out to Giles. He was not going to think about his mentor/Father Figure having sex with his slightly evil boyfriend, he just wasn’t.

“Here, Giles, one steaming cup of English courage.”

“Yes, thank you, Xander.” Giles took a sip and then raised his eyebrow at him and Xander just grinned. He wasn’t even supposed to know about his hidden liquor stash, much less be able to get into it. Spike was such a bad influence.

“Right. Yes, well, this is going to be somewhat awkward, I’m afraid. While on patrol last night I ran into Miss Calendar. Or should I say I and my…friend. Miss Calendar was rather put out, which I could understand, and between her and my…friend and the fledges we ran into at the same time, it got rather violent. I do believe the Registrar at Sunnydale General Emergency Room knows more about my personal information than I do.”

“Poor Giles, did you get another concussion?” Willow sounded sympathetic but there was an odd tone to it. She probably figured out that Giles had been with his new romantic interest at the time. Whether she was curious or upset that Giles didn’t tell them who it was right away, he couldn’t tell.

“Unfortunately not, or I could have handled that a bit better. No, Miss Calendar accidentally shot me with a crossbow in my…upper thigh area.”

Xander was grinning because Giles was actually blushing!! He remembered how cautious Giles had been while sitting. “Would that be on your back of your thigh or your front?”

Giles glared at him but that didn’t stop him from grinning. “Back, if you simply must know.”

The girls all tittered and he heard a muffled “Oh, my!” from Willow. Giles looked really uncomfortable and Xander knew he should just leave it alone to let the man have his dignity.

Ah, hell with it, the man had been shot in the ass; how much dignity did he have left anyhow?

“So, Giles. Did your…friend, kiss it and make it better?”

“Xander!!” That came from the chorus of Buffy and Willow, both of them outraged outwardly at his crudeness but he knew that they were dying to know. Giles sputtered into his tea and Xander just had to grin.

He still refused to think about Giles and Ethan having sex, though.

Unfortunately, Cordelia was. “Please tell me the sitting thing is thanks to the arrow and not your boyfriend. I don’t think I can handle the thought of any more adults having sex. It's just so unnatural.”

Giles covered his face. “Yes, I tend to forget this is the Mouth of Hell and not Hell itself. I’m sure Dante left off writing about a level of hell where you’re surrounded by irreverent teenagers asking too many bloody questions!”

Xander laughed. By now Giles was used to his teasing and, well, Cordy was Cordy. It was probably the thought of Buffy and Willow that made him hesitate and, boy, did he know that feeling. Cordy knew about Spike and didn’t freak and he figured Giles wouldn’t freak after a lecture or two. It was Buffy and Willow that had him worried.

“Come on, Giles! Spill!!" Buffy was getting sort of angry now. He huffed to himself. He liked Buffy and he loved Willow but sometimes it was almost as if they felt they had to know everything. That is when they weren’t paying attention to their girl stuff. It was a fine line; if they remembered you they wanted to know everything but if they didn’t remember you…well it was like you weren’t there.

Willow had always sort of been like that; it was easy for her to get lost in books or whatever theory she was interested in. But it was like hanging out with Buffy made it worse, sometimes. Xander worried that Willow would be lost in the other girl’s shadow but didn’t know how to help.

Giles finally put on his glasses and sat up straighter. “Yes, well, since evidently my personal life has been declared everyone’s business, I might as well get it over with. Yes, I am in a relationship, and it is not for you to approve or disapprove since I am over the age of consent and in complete control of my mental faculties. After our last encounter I sat down with an old friend of mine and we were able to work out our differences and come to a compromise.”

“Giles, will you stop with the Brit speak and just tell already!”

Xander sat back while Buffy egged Giles on. He wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted to support Giles but didn’t know how.

“Buffy, really, I’m your Watcher, not your child. It really is no business of yours. If you simply must know, I’ve been keeping time with Ethan Rayne.”

“WHAT?!”

“But…but, Giles, he’s a bad guy and he tried to kill us and…oh, goodness!”

Buffy’s outburst and Willow’s confusion was expected, as was Cordelia muttering under her breath about all the gay British people. Xander figured he counted since he was sort of a British-in-law, if there was such a thing.

Both Buffy and Willow looked to him to see where he stood on the matter and he just shrugged. “Hey, it’s hard to resist the bad guy; they’re always so much sexier. I mean, Leigh went after Han Solo and he was a sorta bad guy. Which is a good thing because if she'd been with Luke those movies would have been way too icky.”

“Xander!”

“What? Let he or she who has not or is not dating evil throw the first stone. And before you get on your high horse, Miss Willow, may I point out Moloch, your computer boyfriend from last year?”

“Hey, I’ve never dated anyone evil!” Buffy had her arms crossed in front of her chest in a clear gesture that she wasn’t willing to talk. He rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to once again point out that, while Angel may have a soul, that didn’t mean he hadn’t been evil at one point in time.

“Will you all please stop!! It’s really none of your business who I spend what few off hours I have. Dear lord, you people are giving me a bigger pain in my arse than the arrow did.”

“Can we please stop talking about people’s asses? I’m getting a complex here!”

Xander grinned at Cordelia. “Don’t worry Cor, your ass is perfect you don’t have to worry one bit.”

“What do you know Xander, you’re gay.”

“Hey, what about our asses?”

All three girls turned on him for objective thoughts on their asses and Xander wanted to hide. He so did not need this sort of thing early in the morning. Well, at any time actually. Why was it now that he was gay all the girls were sticking their ass in his face?

And boy howdy, did that sound wrong.

Still, Giles was making his way to his office, the bitch fit averted for now. The man so owed him for this. Maybe now when Spike and him came out of the vampire closet things wouldn’t be so bad.

Xander snorted to himself. Yeah, like that would happen with Buffy and Willow around.

*****

“Just so you know, I think you have the most perfect ass I’ve ever seen. It’s the best ass in California. Well, I think it is. I’m sure it’s the best ass in England but since I’ve never been there I can’t be sure.”

Spike chuckled. Xander had come home from school acting weird. At least it was a natural weird this time; whatever had been in that robotic git’s cookies had made Xander scent off. Besides, he loved it when Xander was all warm and cuddly and playful all on his own. It was a gift that he couldn’t get enough of.

“Not that I mind, pet, but what brought all this on?”

“Oh, Giles got shot in the ass and the girls found out he’s with Ethan. They were getting ready to be all…I dunno, judgmental and disapproving so I distracted them by complimenting them on their asses. And I just wanted you to know that I like your ass best. In fact, I love your ass, and all that’s connected to it.”

Spike pulled Xander in for a kiss, their tongues twining around each other for a few moments before Xander pulled back. He was out of breath and panting, his eyes darker than normal and Spike growled down low in his chest. His boy was so responsive and so warm and just smelled so damn good. It was the closest thing he would ever get to heaven.

“All that’s connected to it, eh?” He pushed his pelvis forward so his erection could brush against Xander’s. “Even this?”

Xander got that look on his face that always let Spike know when he was planning something. Suddenly a warm hand fumbled at his pants, unfamiliar with the workings of a button fly so that they were clumsy. “Wanna try this…been thinking about it. Cordelia doesn’t know either, she likes to receive more than she likes to give but I just want to give you this…”

Spike growled as Xander pulled down his jeans in one tug and wrapped his hands around the back of Spike’s legs. He couldn’t help but shift to his true face as a warm but inexperienced tongue lapped at the tip of his erection.

This was certainly not what he’d had planned for Xander after school. A lesson on how to fix the DeSoto, perhaps, or some practice with the katana. Not Xander’s first lesson on how to give a blowjob.

Not that he was going to complain; he wasn’t bloody well stupid.

It was over quickly, mainly because there was no way Spike could resist a hot and enthusiastic Xander. Plus, it had been a bloody long time since he’d had a hot and willing mouth. Add in the fact that he knew that he was Xander’s first…he damn near shot his head off along with his load.

Spike pulled Xander up and kissed him, intent on getting every bit of his own flavor from his boy’s mouth. When he finally stopped he was holding Xander up, and Xander was nearly humping his leg.

“Xan, luv, if this is what happens when you talk about other people’s arses, go right ahead. As long as you know that no one else gets yours, that is.”

“Mmm, it’s yours. Was I okay, Spike? Cordy and I got to talking in seventh period, mainly just to piss Buffy off since she’s being all snooty about Ethan and Giles. But it got me thinking and I just wanted to try…”

“It was damn good for a first time, luv, and I loved it because it was you. Tell you what, why don’t we go back to the bedroom and I’ll give you a proper lesson, all right?”

Xander mumbled his agreement and Spike steered him towards their bedroom. He knew now what brought Xander’s sudden interest in fellatio on, though; it was the thought of bothering the Slayer. Spike grinned to himself.

Annoying the Slayer was most likely the best kink his lover could have in Spike’s book.

Part Twenty-Eight

“What the bloody hell is that, Xander?”

His lover gave him an odd look and held up an egg. “Don’t tell me after hours of labor you don’t even recognize your own child, Spike! He looks just like you, he even has your nose! I think I’ll call him Fang.”

Spike looked at Xander and had to grin at the teasing look on his face. “Please just tell me you’re not gonna grow feathers, pet, because that would be too creepy. Vamps might be a kinky bunch but I for one do not go after chickens.”

Xander laughed and headed into the kitchen and Spike followed. Spike couldn’t help but grin in satisfaction at the scalding kiss he’d been given when Xander came in the door from school. Xander was coming along quite nicely in the sex department, and it was getting harder to keep himself from throwing his boy on the floor and just taking him. But while he knew that Xander’s body might be ready for that, his brain would need a bit more time to get used to the idea.

Spike hated to wait, but this was important. Because once he took Xander he knew that he’d never let his boy go.

“…so I tried to point out to Mr. Whitmore that I’m gay and therefore it would be extremely unlikely that I’m going to get someone pregnant. That still didn’t get me out of the stupid project. I think he was just mad because I pointed out that one of the consequences of sex was needing a shower. Well, it is if you do it right. At first he was going to make me pair up with one of the Cordettes but I figured I’d rather be a single parent and got out of that.”

The entire time Xander was talking he was getting out one of the saucepans and filling it up with water and a bit of salt. “So, that’s our little one, eh? And you’re going to boil him to death? Good job, luv, nice bit of torture.”

Xander shrugged. “Think of it as a protective measure, like shots. It’ll hurt the kid but in the long run he’ll be safe from breakage and scrambling so it’s all of the good. And after he’s all cooled off I can draw on him, use a sharpie and give him little baby fangs and a duster.”

Spike walked over and hugged Xander from behind as he carefully dropped his new offspring into the water. “As long as I don’t have to change nappies or feed the thing, I don’t really care what you do. Got plans to patrol tonight, pet?”

Xander shook his head. “Nope, Buffy and Angel are supposed to be out hunting the Gorches. Have you heard of them? Old, deadly yet dumb as a post?”

Spike frowned. “Yeah, pet, they’re kind of famous for going to excess when killing, and you know that coming from me that says a lot.” He squeezed Xander in the middle. “Maybe they’re the ones that've been turning half the Bronze. What do you think?”

Xander frowned and turned in Spike’s arms. “I don’t think so; that would take planning and, from what Giles said, Lyle and Tector couldn’t plan their way out of a paper bag. What kind of name is Tector anyhow?”

“Bollocks.” Spike sighed and pulled Xander closer. “Think I’m going to have to do something that you’re not going to like, pet. There’s a reason those two blokes are here, and there’s a reason there’s more minions running around. Means there’s a Master Vampire trying to take over the Hellmouth and since I’m supposed to be the Master in the area I’m gonna have to take care of it. Can’t have some bloke taking my territory, now can I?”

“What does that mean, Spike?”

“Means I’m gonna have to be seen hunting, and it means I’m gonna have to spend more time in some of the demon hangouts, Willy’s and the like. I can’t protect you if I don’t know what’s going on, luv.”

Xander sighed and Spike could feel his muscles tense up. Spike knew this was hard on his love; the last time he’d had to take off he was killing Xander’s father and Xander knew that. The boy had to be afraid of what would happen this time. But it was something that needed done. He just hated that it put Xander out of his good mood.

“Okay, I get that, just…be careful, all right? I mean, Buffy isn’t doing a lot of patrolling right now--her and Giles are kinda on the outs--but still I don’t want you dead. Deader. Whatever.”

“'Course, pet, I’ll do anything to come home to you safe and sound. You know that, don’t you?”

Despite his somewhat joking tone, Spike meant every word of that promise. He’d hate to hurt Xander by killing his friend but he would do anything to come back to this beautiful boy who loved him, despite knowing what he was.

Xander had pulled away slightly and must have seen the look on his face. He nodded slowly and put his head on Spike’s shoulder. “Okay, I…I get that. Thanks.” He took a deep breath and Spike listened as Xander tried to get his emotions and breathing in check. “We have tonight, though, right? I mean, you’re leaving tomorrow, right?”

“I was thinking I’d leave just before dawn.”

“Then, tonight, will you…I mean... I want to have sex. With you. You know, all the way.”

Spike closed his eyes and tried to control himself, but it was a close thing. Having his lover warn and cuddly in his arms along with the mental pictures he had of Xander spread open and begging for his cock nearly broke him but he managed to rein himself in.

“Xan, luv, there is nothing I want more in this world or any other. It’s just, well, you’re not ready yet, pet. For hell’s sake, you can’t even say it.”

Xander looked so lost and Spike hurried to reassure him. It was so easy to forget that all of Xander’s confidence was so new, and most of it tied to Spike’s presence in his life, even if he didn’t realize it. “Look, pet, the first time, well, it should be special. Candlelight and all that rot. Not just because you’re worried about me, or because we’re both horny. Plenty of other stuff we can do, eh? Don’t get me wrong, Xan. When the time is right I’m going to have that sweet, tight ass of yours, and after that, well, I’m not ever going to let you go. Understand, luv?”

Xander gave him another one of those looks that always made Spike feel as if he had a soul and his human was looking into it. “You know, it’s weird but I get that. I always thought I’d be a typical guy and just, I dunno, jump you or something but I really get that.”

“Good, luv. I don’t want you to think I don’t love you, pet, you just need some more time to…”

“If you say grow up, Spike, I am so going to hurt you. Just so you know.”

“Mature, then?”

“If we’re waiting on maturity, it’ll never happen. You’re over a hundred and twenty and still aren’t mature. For god’s sake, you scream at Katie Couric in the mornings when I get ready for school.”

“She’s more evil than I am, luv. It's just not natural to be that fucking perky in the morning. She’s a demon brainwashing people into wearing Capri pants.”

Xander laughed and Spike found himself being hugged even tighter. “You know, that whole conversation would be scary if I didn’t think that Kathie Lee was evil incarnate. Maybe it’s a conspiracy.”

“Might be.” Spike tipped Xander’s head up and kissed him slowly, trying to put everything he felt for the boy into the kiss. When he pulled away Xander was panting and his eyes were dilated. He smelled oh so sweet, of love and desire and lust and it was getting more difficult to control himself.

So he took a step back and took a deep breath. “So, you gonna be okay while I’m gone, luv?”

Xander went to take the pot containing his temporary child off the stove. “Yeah, I guess. I’ll miss you, though. If…well, if it’s bad you’ll let me know, right?”

“Believe me, pet, if I find something that's scarier than I am, you’ll be the first to know.”

*****

“Ow, ow, ow. And again, OW! I don’t see why you both had to hit me in the same place. And multiple times. Was it not enough that you hit me the first time?”

“Sorry, Xander, you just have a hard head.”

He was standing with Cordelia and Willow, watching as Buffy got into more trouble with her Mom. You’d think the whole being used as a puppet by an ancient parasitic demon thing would have gotten Mrs. Summers off her mad at Buffy but it hadn’t.

And to tell the truth, he didn’t care. He was more than a little mad at Buffy for not calling and warning him that his egg might suck his brains out. Or did one of those flying cell thingies like in that Star Trek episode where Kirk’s nephew is the only one left alive on a colony. She had called Willow, but did she call Xander? Hell, no.

And she was pissed at Giles for being with Ethan and pissed at Xander for encouraging him and pissed at her Mom for being a Mom. Xander sighed. Didn’t she know how lucky she was?

He looked at his friends. Cordelia’s parents only paid attention to her when they wanted her to date one of their business associate’s sons in a political maneuver. Other than that, they threw money and cars and clothes at her and pretty much just wanted her to go away.

Willow’s parents weren’t even that attentive. Unless she showed up with a B on her report card they could go months without even noticing she was alive. Her Dad was in computers and her Mom did…well, he was never sure what she did but she went to different cities and helped organize…groups and clubs and protests and stuff. Either way, they just weren’t there.

Then there was his Mom, who he’d gone back to see once since Spike had killed his Dad. He had been sad to see she was just as drunk alone as she had been with him. He’d been hoping she’d get her life together but it was too late. She didn’t even remember that he’d left home, for fuck’s sake.

Yeah, Buffy’s Mom was strict but she was there. She actually cared if Buffy came in hurt or late and who she was hanging out with and what was going on at school. And instead of being grateful Buffy, didn’t like it. Maybe he could offer her a trade, his Mom for hers.

“You know, I don’t know why she just doesn’t tell her Mom. I mean, it would be easier than lying all the time, wouldn’t it?”

He jumped in surprise and looked at Cordelia. To anyone else she would look…haughty, but to him she looked kind of wistful. Her brain must have been running along the same thoughts.

Willow actually chuckled and she looked sort of sad too. “Do you think Mrs. Summers would believe her? Really? Buffy would get grounded until she was thirty if she was lucky, but more than likely she’d get one of those jackets that tied in the back.”

Xander shoved his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, well, we can’t do anything now. Hey, who’s up for movies? Cause there’s nothing better with demon parasites than a good movie. We can have a marathon with Puppet Masters and Manchurian Candidate and other brainwashing movies; it’ll be fun!”

“Did the blows to the head make you retarded? Because, really, I’d like to know now so I can leave town before your boyfriend comes back and blames me.”

Cordy was looking at him as if he’d grown a second head and he had to remind himself that she wasn’t used to the silly Xander anymore, even though Willow had just smiled at his babble.

This whole having different personalities for different people sucked big time.

Then Willow got one of those hurt looks on her face and turned to Cordelia. “<>You<> know Xander’s boyfriend?! He won’t tell me a thing other than he’s older and not nice! I’ll give you a dozen cookies if you spill!”

Oh, gods. Cordy was looking at him and he just knew in her head he was being compared to a plate of chocolaty goodness. Add in the fact that it was getting near a certain time of month, and wasn’t it scary that he knew that, Xander just knew he was going to lose out.

He spotted Giles walking toward him and pounced. “Giles!! You okay? No lasting effects or anything? Need a ride home? I’ve got a car. It's not my car, it’s a rental but still, I have wheels and I’m not afraid to drive them! It, whatever.”

His little speech ran down as Willow gave him a somewhat dirty look and Giles acted like he had a second head. Well, on his shoulders.

He so needed to practice diverting other's attention more often.

“Xander, I think it’s time you told me a little more about your boyfriend. After all, I have been your best friend for years.”

Willow latched onto one of his arms and even Giles looked a little anticipatory, like he was looking forward to seeing Xander in the hot seat for once.

He was in so much trouble.

Part Twenty-Nine

“And after Will saved me from getting my ass kicked, well, we just started hanging out. And he started teaching me, well, stuff and we got to know each other and we kind of got together. Cordy saw us hanging out together one night at the Bronze, back before you came back from vacation, Wills, so that’s how she knows. Well, it took her a while to connect the dots. She didn’t tell because I asked her not to. I mean, you and Buffy were having such a hard time dealing with me being gay, the fact that I had a boyfriend would have sent you into orbit, you know?”

Xander didn’t think he’d ever thought so fast or babbled so fast in his entire life. If he pulled this one off without getting the Willow pout he was going to treat himself to a giant double cheese and pepperoni pizza. He’d searched through every memory of what he’d told Giles, the edited version of meeting Spike and getting to know him. He added a few details and left some out, just enough so that Giles wouldn’t think he had it memorized.

God, he hoped he hadn’t forgotten anything or fucked it up. He so didn’t need to be on the wrong end of a Giles lecture right now.

“Okay, I get all that but he doesn’t sound that bad. You said he wasn’t nice and, well, saving you from getting your ass kicked is a good thing, not a bad thing.” Willow still didn’t look like she was believing his story but at least he’d gotten the odd look out of Giles’ eyes. At least he hoped he had.

Cordelia was just bored. If she fussed with her nails anymore they’d be razor sharp. Maybe that was the point of it.

“Okay, he saved me to sort of even up where I saved him from spending a night unconscious out in the open on the Hellmouth. And yeah, he knows what kind of town this is. It was a debt of honor sort of thing. It was after that we got to talking and became friends. And no, he’s not that nice. I mean, he is to me, but if he doesn’t know you it’s a different story. It’s…complicated.”

“Can we stop with the Dating Game now? I’m bored. It’s bad enough I had some sort of squid thing connected to my back but it tore up my back pack and now I have to listen to the story of Xander’s love life, which, despite the fact that he’s got a boyfriend, is still boring. And we’re still in the Library and everyone else has gone home. Clue, much?”

Willow stuck her bottom lip out and Xander just wanted to pull his hair out and scream. “But I don’t know much about this guy yet…”

“Well, I don’t know that much about Oz, but you don’t see me giving you the third degree!”

Willow looked hurt but he knew he had a valid point. He knew that Willow had been flirting, or talking, or whatever pre-dating ritual girls did with boys like Oz. He hadn’t said much because he knew Oz was basically an okay guy and he figured Willow deserved some privacy. Evidently she didn’t think he deserved it, though.

“But…”


“Now, now, Miss Rosenberg. It doesn’t become a young lady to be a Miss Nosey Parker. I’m sure that when Mr. Harris feels comfortable he’ll tell you more about his paramour. Until then, you’ll just have to be patient with the lad. Besides, I get the feeling that Mr. Harris knows exactly what he’s getting into.”

The voice came from behind them and, while he jumped just as much as the others, he couldn’t help but notice Willow’s eyes get big and fearful while Giles had a totally un-stuffy smile on his face. It made the man look ten years younger and he knew then that Giles was happy with his current…arrangement.

“Ethan! I was just about to shoo the children off and come home.”

“You could have called, at the very least, Ripper. I was getting worried even before I heard about a “gas leak” at the school. When you hadn’t come home I knew that you and your children were in the middle of trouble, as always, and thought I’d drop by.”

Ethan walked closer to Giles and Xander turned around to give them some privacy. He tugged on Willow’s arm to make her do the same but Cordelia blatantly stared. He just rolled his eyes and grinned. Given her attitude about sex and relationships, he figured she had her own collection of porno and some sort of device requiring batteries and waterproofing hidden from the maid at home. She had certainly known more than just a bit about blow jobs when they’d been gossiping in class the other day, just to make Buffy’s hair curl.

“Ahem. Yes, Xander, you may turn around now, thank you. Cordelia, do you really find watching two older men kissing that fascinating?” As her mouth opened, Giles put up his hand. “Never mind, I get the distinct feeling I don’t want to know the answer.”

Cordy gave one of her blinding grins. “Suit yourself. I’m going home; it’s bad enough that Xander had to hit me but I’m late starting my nightly beauty regimen. I bet I have icky marks on my back where that…thing attached itself.”

She gathered her purse and her books and Xander gave her arm a squeeze. “Need a ride home, Cor?”

“No, I’ve got my car, thanks.” She leaned closer. “Sorry about that earlier, Xander. And if you tell anyone I said that I’ll break something important, okay?”

He held up his hands. “Hey, we’re good, no need to get violent. God.”

In the next few minutes everyone started to go their separate ways. Willow was meeting Oz so she would get home safely and Cordelia had her car. In a way Xander wished that it wasn’t a school night and he could invite Willow home with him. It was lonely and sort of creepy being in the house alone. It hadn’t bothered him when Spike was gone before but this time was different, somehow.

Then again, he didn’t think he could stand up to Willow’s questioning all night long. He was only human; a few hours of the Willowpout and he’d break.

Giles went to close the door to the library behind the stacks and for the first time Xander was left alone with Ethan. He supposed he could get why Willow was so scared, and maybe even Cordy. They had sure left quickly. Ethan had one of those faces that looked like he was smirking all the time. It was almost like he knew some big secret and enjoyed watching everyone scramble around him, like little ants.

Xander swallowed. “You know, don’t you?”

“In the circles I…travel in, certain things become known. Don’t fret, Mr. Harris. Or may I call you Xander?” He didn’t even wait for a reply, not that Xander cared. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell your little secret. It will come out eventually, though. You do realize that, don’t you?”

Xander nodded. “Yeah, I just…don’t want Giles to have a heart attack, or Buffy to have a sharp object anywhere near when they find out.”

“I have noticed how Miss Summers is the hit first and ask questions later type of girl. I’ll work on, heh, softening Giles up for you. After all, I do believe I owe you a considerable debt.”

Okay, eww for the sex jokes about his father figure. Xander shook his head and then grinned. Ethan seemed to be just as bad as Spike, loving to say the worst thing at entirely the worst time and just watching what happened.

Giles came back before he could really say anything but Ethan gave a wicked wink and Xander grinned and bounced on his toes. It felt kinda good, that someone else knew about him and Spike and didn’t object or freak out or say that Xander was insane or that Spike was using him.

He said his goodnights and went his separate way, but looked back to see Giles and Ethan walking arm in arm to Giles’s Librarianmobile. They didn’t look like a couple that everyone in the world would accept; two middle aged men. But to him they looked good.

Like they were in love.

Xander turned and went to the rental car that Spike had arranged for him so he wouldn’t be without transportation on the Hellmouth while his lover was gone. He wondered if that was what other people would see if they were watching him and Spike.

*****

Xander struggled to keep his eyes open while doing his latest research lesson with Giles. Normally he loved this sort of stuff, even more than regular schoolwork. For one, it was more practical. Living on the Hellmouth, it was a good idea to know what demons were trying to kill you and how to kill them first. Plus Spike’s love of just going out and killing things had, heh, rubbed off on him a little, as long as it was demons and minions.

Today, though, he was tired. More than tired. It felt like he had sand in his eyes and they were too dry. He’d go home and sleep but being home without Spike was just…bad. And he knew he’d been having weird dreams. He didn’t really remember much, just the feeling of loneliness, big dark eyes and fire.

Maybe he’d figure out a way to get Giles to ask him over again. Sleeping on the couch while Giles and Ethan did the naughty in Giles’s room wouldn’t be too bad, would it?

He looked over at Buffy and Willow. They were giggling or gossiping or whatever girly thing they did. Every once in a while he’d hear the name Angel or Oz and he figured they were comparing boyfriends. He couldn’t help but wonder if he was being left out because he was a guy or because he hadn’t 'fessed up too much about his boyfriend yet. Either way, it was kind of…annoying. He would have thought that being gay meant he would get to learn the girl secret handshake and stuff but that just wasn’t happening.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. When Spike first took off, two weeks before, about every other night he’d get a short phone call. Nothing much, just enough to let him know that Spike wasn’t dust. But he hadn’t heard anything in four days, and he was starting to get worried. If Spike was out hunting whoever the new Big Bad was, well, it was scary to think that anything could be bigger or badder than Spike. If badder was even a word.

“Hey, G-man! Is badder a word?”

“What? Xander…”

“Never mind. I think my brain left town a little while ago. I’m not all here. Think I’ll go get some water or something.”

Giles threw a slightly annoyed glance at the girls. “Yes, perhaps it’s time for all of us to take a break, and afterwards Buffy can start her patrol. I must confess, I’m slightly worried about the unusual inactivity lately.”

Xander laughed. “Yeah, it’s been quiet. Too quiet.” He grinned at Giles’s pained expression. “What? I’ve always wanted to say that!”

“Just…go!” Giles’s muttering about impudent children was belied by the somewhat amused look on his face and Xander quickly made his way to the bathroom. Hopefully, some cold water on his face would wake him up.

The entire time, his brain was in about six different places at once. He was worried that Spike was dead, or that Spike had left him. Then there was the worry about the damn dreams. Add that to the fact that he still hadn’t figured out what to get for Buffy’s birthday and the big day was just three days away.

“Well, look here. If it isn’t the little faggot.”

Xander looked up from washing his face to see Kevin reflected in the mirror above the sink. Kevin had always been second string for Larry in everything; football, basketball, bullying. He was well over six feet, despite being seventeen years old, and had dirty blonde hair and green eyes. Xander had always thought Kevin would make a good poster boy for steroid abuse.

Guess he was going to find out about steroid rage first hand. Goody.

“Look, is there any way we can avoid the whole gay bashing thing? Because, really, hazing is so last year’s hate crime.”

“Like sucking cock, do you, pretty boy?”

“Okay, I’m not touching you with a ten foot Hoover attachment so you might as well get that thought out of your mind right now. And why is it straight males always try to intimidate gays by using sex? Jealous that I’ve found a use for my prostate, maybe?”

It didn’t really occur to Xander to be scared for his life. Yes, Kevin was twice as big as he was and just six months ago he’d been getting his ass kicked on a regular basis by just about anyone.

Then came Spike and Spike’s training and Xander was well prepared when Kevin’s look of confusion turned to rage and the other boy charged. He threw a roundhouse punch at Xander and he easily ducked it. He turned and hit Kevin twice in the kidneys and the boy went down hard, hitting his head on the edge of the sink on the way. Blood trickled down from a cut on his forehead and he was making grunting noises that vaguely reminded Xander of the pig his hyena pack had snacked on.

He grabbed Kevin by the hair and pulled his head up. “I don’t think you’ll want to complain to Snyder about this, Kev. After all, it wouldn’t do your reputation any good if the guys found out you got your ass kicked by a fairy.”

As he left the bathroom, he knew he should feel something. Remorse, guilt maybe. Instead, all Xander felt was a sort of wistfulness.

It was too bad Spike wasn’t around to enjoy his first bathroom beat down.

Part Thirty

Xander sighed and fought the urge to bang his head against the table. He’d been to some really crappy birthday parties before; hell, he’d had them back when his Mom still gave a damn, but Bobo the Evil Clown had been topped by an Evil Arm in a box and an extra Slayer that popped out of nowhere.

He was sure he could figure that last part out if it weren't for the fact that his eyes had dried out from lack of sleep sometime earlier in the day. Or had that been yesterday? He wasn’t too sure anymore. The others had noticed even, and he had been questioned by Willow and Buffy both about his new boyfriend and whether they were fighting.

And for once he was glad he’d told the truth. That Will was out of town on business and he hadn’t heard from him, how worried he was. How he was afraid he’d been hurt or killed by something because Will would never just up and leave him. And he’d been taken out the day before and stuffed full of chocolate and comfort food and for the first time in a long time he felt like he’d belonged with his friends, like they were the Three Musketeers again.

Now it was Buffy’s turn to be the recipient of the sugar rush, but instead of getting to dig into the strawberry cake with real butter cream icing and the three different kinds of ice cream. Not to mention the pâté and guacamole that Cordelia had brought because while she might have been lowering her status to come to this party she had brought the chips and dip. And of course it was high quality chips and dip because god forbid Cordy brings a dollar bag of chips and a tub of dip from the dairy case.

Xander shook his head and tried to focus on the extremely weird conversation going on around him. He knew he was losing track of his inner babble but he was just so damn tired and the dreams kept on getting worse and worse, never letting him sleep more than an hour at a time, and he really just wanted to crawl under the table and take a nap.

“There is a great evil arising here and my Watcher has sent me to stop it.”

But he can’t take a nap because they seem to have an extra Slayer. One with a weird attitude and who won’t even look at him or at Oz, who was having a quiet, composed panic attack at his first brush with a vampire attack.

Oh, yeah, and Buffy got an Apocalypse for her Birthday; how fun. Silly Xander, he’d bought her a blouse and some wooden Chinese Hair Sticks that he’d carved into stakes. If anyone could appreciate a hair accessory that was a weapon, it would be Buffy.

And, of course, Cordy, who he promised he’d make a pair for next weekend.

“Please, tell us something we don’t know, Miss Cleo! And just what is the deal with two Slayers both here? Don’t you Watcher type people talk to each other at all?” That was his Cordy, always ready to take charge and tell people what they were doing wrong. But for once he agreed.

Or he would have if he had been totally awake. As it was, he was doing well to sit at the table instead of sliding under it.

“I can’t believe it. I mean, I’ve heard the legends but I never thought that anyone would be able to do…it.”

And there was Angel, being all mysterious again. For some reason, he sounded different to Xander but he just couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Then again, he’d managed to avoid Deadboy for the past couple of weeks for the most part so that could be it. Everyone turned to look at Angel, and Buffy quietly asked for more information. “Angel?”

“It-it's a legend… way before my time... of a demon brought forth to rid the Earth of the plague of humanity... separate the righteous from the wicked... and to burn the righteous down. They call him the Judge.”

“And this is…is he?”

“It’s part of him, not all of it.”

And from the really wigged out look on Giles’s face, Xander just knew this was extra special bad. Super Sized bad. And he wondered if this Judge was what was keeping Spike from calling.

Or maybe what had killed him.

Buffy looked confused and Xander wasn’t much better. “Umm, can someone explain a bit more? Give me a backstory, maybe?”

“The Judge could not be killed. The people of the land raised an army and still most of them died. Finally, they were able to dismember him and locked away the different parts. They sent each box to a different corner of the world, buried under tons of rock in each place and the men who knew the locations were put to death so that no one would even be tempted to find him.”

Surprisingly enough this came from Kendra, the new Slayer in town. She was pretty, and exotic, and had fought just as well as Buffy against the vamps that had crashed the party.

And Cordelia was right, she did sound like Miss Cleo.

“We…we need to get this out of town. Quickly. Before whoever it is that is putting the pieces together gets a chance to do anything else with it.”

“I could take it.”

“What? Angel, no! Whoever takes this is going to have to be gone a long time and I…”

“It’s the fate of the World, Buffy. How can I not do this?”

And maybe he was just sleep deprived but that sounded…corny. Like Angel had been reading some of the more cheesy comic books that Xander had.

“No, I think that, since we have two Slayers, who we have Xander to thank for…”

Xander gave a silly bow, trying to appear normal. Hey, who knew that CPR would cause a new Slayer to pop up?

“We should send the box with Kendra back to her Watcher. They in turn can take it to the Council, where samples can be taken and it can be kept safe until they find a way to destroy it. That should…in theory, of course, keep the Judge from—reanimating.”

Kendra gathered up the box. “When do I leave?” And then there was more discussion and Angel was putting in another bid to let him hide the box and Xander just let it flow around him.

He had to do something about the dreams, tonight. Or else when it came time to fight he wouldn’t be able to do anything but maybe die messily. And that wouldn’t be good.

Cordy came and sat down beside him, tired of the Watcher/Slayer/Slayer/Vampire discussion going on. Willow and Oz soon followed and they all just sat there.

“So…vampires, huh? That’s kind of…freaky.”

Xander grinned at Oz. Most people would be totally freaking out, but not him. “Yeah, man, freaky doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

“You know what’s really weird? The Hellmouth thing, well, it explains a whole lot.” Oz nodded to himself and then fell silent. Xander really hoped this thing with Oz would work out. Willow needed someone steady; someone to calm and ground her and Oz was like…the ultimate in calmness.

“Xander, are you alright?”

He gave a tired smile. “Not…not really, Wills. I’m just worried, you know? Something could have happened and we would never find the body.”

The next few minutes they just…talked. About the Birthday Party that would have been and how Willow bought funny hats and had gotten Giles to wear one. About what they got for her since it didn’t look like they’d have time to unwrap them, what with the killer arm and all.

Finally Giles had put his foot down and Kendra was on her way, her dark skin looking sallow with worry. In the darkness of the club, her red shirt looked like dried blood and for some reason Xander worried about her, even though he didn’t know her.

He shook his head and tapped Cordelia on the shoulder. “Hey, can…can I get you to drop me off somewhere?”

“Sure. What happened to your car?”

He gave a kind of rueful laugh. “Was kinda afraid I’d hit a pole or something, the way I’m feeling. I don’t think I’ve slept more than a couple hours a night for a week now.”

She looked worried but nodded and grabbed her purse. “Sure. Where are we going?”

Xander stretched and got up. “I think I need to see a certain Chaos Mage about my dreams. And since Giles will no doubt go on to the Library to research, this is the perfect time.”

******

“Sorry you weren’t invited to the party but, well, Buffy’s still adjusting to the idea of you and Giles.”

“Don’t worry about it, Xander. That's quite all right. To tell the truth, there are better things I can do than attend a seventeen year old girl’s birthday party.” That was said with amusement and not anger and Xander was glad that Ethan wasn’t upset at being left out. It was just…the party had been for Buffy’s friends and Ethan…wasn’t.

Maybe when Spike came back he and Ethan could hang out together while the Scoobies did stuff, except that when Xander had thoughts like that he imagined explosions and body parts being missing.

When Spike came back. Not if.

He was sitting on Giles’s couch with a half drunk cup of herbal tea and he’d already babbled about Spike being gone and the dreams that wouldn’t let up and he was ashamed to know that he had been on the verge of tears. That’s when the tea came out and he’d had to laugh at that. Now, now Ethan was thinking and Xander was just sitting there, waiting.

“Tell me, Xander, what do you know of lucid dreaming?”

He frowned. “I don’t think I’ve heard of it. Well, other than out of that movie, Dreamscape. Isn’t that where you take charge of your dream or something?”

Ethan sighed and Xander got the feeling he’d disappointed him somehow. “Xander, I’m going to tell you the truth. You can do a lot of things; crystals, herbs, burn sage, special meditations that will help you. But I think you just need to stop running in your dreams. For whatever reason you’re having them, you need to face up to that and then they’ll stop.”

Xander sighed and fiddled with his teacup. He remembered when the nightmares came to life, thanks to that kid, Billy, and how good it had felt to finally stand up to Bobo and just slug him. But something inside him knew that whatever was haunting his dreams was a hell of a lot worse than being naked in front of class and a clown.

“As to the whereabouts of your…Spike, well, I will look into that for you, in return of a favor.”

“What…what kind of favor?” Xander bit at his lip. This was Ethan; his favor might not be that nice and might come back to bite him on the ass.

Ethan sat back and did that thing with the hands being steepled in front of his face that Xander always associated with Spock. “That would be the catch, I’m afraid. Until I called you for it, you would not know.”

Xander nodded. He figured it would be something like that. He would have liked to press his luck, reminding Ethan that he’d encouraged Giles to get back together with him, but he was afraid that he’d used that up with Ethan’s continued silence about Spike. He wasn’t even surprised. When Cordelia had dropped him off at the apartment, he’d expected exactly this.

His English teacher, Ms. Faulkner, taught his Creative Writing class and one of Mythology. He'd gotten the feeling more than once that she knew what was real in Sunnydale and they'd talked. She had even given him some book on Native American mythos and he'd read some of the stories and had been more than interested.

And he'd always been reminded of Ethan when he'd read of Coyote and Raven. Trickster gods that would help humans, but for a price. But the chaos they caused always seemed to teach a lesson somehow, but it didn’t always turn out good for the guy making the deal.

He nodded. “Can I call you with my answer in the morning? Or whenever it is when I wake up? I think I’d like to try the dream thing first. If that gives me a clue where to find Spike, well then, I won’t owe you anything.”

Ethan laughed, a happy one, not one of the evil laughs you hear on TV shows. “Good choice, my boy! For that answer I will give you twenty-four hours to make your decision. Now then, do you need a ride home or would you like to stay here for the night? I can assure you that Giles won’t mind in the least; he’s been rather worried about you.”

Xander got up. “No thanks, it’s not too far from here to where I’m staying. And I get the feeling I’m going to need to be in my own bed for this.”

Ethan nodded and got up to show him to the door. Xander paused just before leaving. “Ethan, I know I don’t know you like I do Giles but…thanks. For listening, I mean.”

Ethan gave another one of those sly smiles. “You’re quite welcome, my boy, quite welcome. In fact, you don’t need to mention it.”

Xander looked at him then nodded before walking out into the night. He’d gotten Ethan’s message and had figured out that if Giles found out what he was about to do he would not be happy.

Because if there was one thing he remembered vividly from Dreamscape, it was the fact that people could be killed in their dreams.

******

In between the pain and the periods of unconsciousness, Spike couldn't help but wonder if there was any deity a demon could pray to. Who would to a good favor for a demon, though?

Then again, what good and proper demon acted like a sap over a human? Spike laughed to himself. He’d always been Love’s Bitch, but the first time was in love with someone worth it, it was a fucking human.

Humans were just so damn breakable. He should know, he’s been reminded recently just how people like Xander that he'd broken.

And now, knowing his love, Xander was about to be right in the line of fire to be broken again. And there wasn’t a bloody thing he could do about it. The last beating had been the worst and his legs still didn’t work.

But his brain did, and in between imagining the worst Spike swore at himself in a hundred different languages. He was a fucking idiot to try to find something out. To leave his Xander alone.

Unprotected.

“Well, look here. Still brooding, I see. Must be a family trait. Don’t worry, Spike, I’ll let you have some real fun soon. Have to say, the Slayer loved her present. She even gave me something in return.”

A body was dumped on the floor, a dark haired girl that smelled of power and Spike could only be glad it’s not Xander or one of his friends. The box was set down on the table and his tormentor sat beside him.

“You know, Willy-boy, this is going to be so much fun! And. believe me, I’ve been in short supply of fun these last few years. I have to say, I’m going to hate giving up the charade; these last couple of weeks have been so amusing. Buffy’s about ready to meet the real me, though, and once I take care of her little fan club, well, she’ll make a wonderful addition to the family.”

Spike snorted and started to look through his pockets for his flask. It was amazing how the lessons on not showing what he was really feeling on his face came back. Drusilla might have drained him but it was this person, this thing, that had killed him and Spike had risen from the ashes like a demonic phoenix. He took a long pull, the alcohol a welcome distraction.

“You know, it’s been a hundred fucking years and I still hate you just as much now as I did then. Maybe more.”

Angelus grinned. “Come now, William! Isn’t it nice to have family again, at the very least?”

Part Thirty-One

Xander did everything he could to guarantee a good night’s sleep. He’d called Giles and told him he’d be skipping school the next day, hoping that he’d finally get to figure out what was going on.

He’d gone through the laundry hamper and found a shirt of Spike’s that hadn’t been washed, and put it on. Warm milk with nutmeg. You name it, he gave it a try. Because he had a very odd feeling that a lot of things, a lot of people, depended on what he was about to learn. If he could get his dreams to cooperate with him.

It was hard at first. He was worried about Spike, and the Scoobies, and about the Judge and about a million other things. It took over an hour, during which time he deep breathed so much he ended up hyperventilating twice. Finally fatigue set in and he drifted off to sleep with a mantra on his lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can learn from my dreams. I can learn from my dreams. I can learn from my dreams. I can learn from my dreams. I can learn from my dreams. I can learn from my dreams.”

Xander slowly opened one eye and then the other. It was night and he was in the playground he’d first met Spike in. The slide was even still tilted over as if it had had too much to drink and was about to collapse.

The swings were all going, higher and higher as if invisible children were pumping their legs as hard as they could and Xander was reminded of a Stephen King movie.

He quickly tried to push that thought out of his mind. If he could be aware of his dreams he might be able to influence them and he really didn’t need giant boxwood topiaries to chase him; he had enough problems.

Suddenly the merry go round started spinning all on its own behind him.

“Ring around the rosies…”

The voice came from out of nowhere and everywhere all at once. He turned around but didn’t see anything.

“Ring around the rosies…”

“Who…who’s there?”

“Pocket full of posies…”

“Hello? Anyone here?” His voice echoed around the empty playground and he had the odd feeling that there was nothing beyond the monkey bars. Nothing there but a void of nothingness and all that existed was a dead place where children should be playing and one Xander Harris.

“HELLO?” And he knew he was panicking but he couldn’t help it. He needed to find out the reason for the dreams but if nothing was there, how could he learn it?

“Ring around the rosies.
Pocket full of posies.”

Suddenly a face appeared before him in the darkness, too fast for him to make out anything more than gold eyes in a pale face framed by a fall of dark hair.

“Ashes, ashes. We all fall down!”

Suddenly he was in the mall. At least he thought it was the mall. The florescent lights flickered and were dimmed, casting more shadows than light. The horrible musak that was usually playing over the speakers was gone, leaving a sort of static that hummed on the edge of his hearing, masking sounds.

The walls were charred as if the building had been in a terrible fire and all around him there was nothing but dirt.

Then Xander realized it wasn’t dirt. It was ashes.

Human remains.

It was then he realized he’d been smelling burnt flesh and he scrambled back. He tripped over a handbag that had been dropped by someone and fell on his ass. He tried to crawl away, but there was no change. The entire mall was nothing but a giant charnel house. He saw the remains of one poor person’s arm but it turned to ash and blew away on a wind that he couldn’t feel. Then he noticed that the handbag was the pink purse Willow had bought the day before.

He got up, sobbing, and ran for the exit. What he saw there was ten times worse than what was inside and Xander fell to his knees and vomited.

Buffy. He might have problems with Buffy but he still considered her his friend. She was laid out on a bench in one of the alcoves, her hands folded over his breast.

It was obvious that she’d been fed from; there were fang marks on her neck. It was also obvious that she’d been raped and brutally beaten.

“God…Buffy…”

He reached one hand out to touch her face. Just to see if it was real or still a dream or just…if she was really dead.

And then her eyes snapped open. And they were gold.

He started running again, out of the mall and into the daylight. Only it wasn’t ordinary daylight, it was a reddish brown sort of light, even though the sun was directly overhead. Somehow he’d come out in front of the school, which wasn’t anywhere near the mall but, hey, a dream.

Once again there were signs of a big fire. Trees were black and smoking and the school was nothing but rubble. Xander thought of Giles and his books and started crying again, using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe at his face.

He took a deep breath and tried to remember. Okay, that Judge guy, he liked to burn things. Human type things and from what Xander was seeing he’d pretty much gotten the entire town.

But was it a premonition or just his fears? And he still hadn’t found Spike. Or Cordelia, or…well he had a pretty good guess where the Scoobies had made their last stand but still he really hated to think about it.

He really hoped it was just a dream and not what was going to happen tomorrow.

“Damn it, I wish I had like an instruction manual or something! This is just…too much!”

“Wishes are like flowers and once you pick them you can’t put them back in the ground.” He turned around and there in the shadow of the gym was the same figure he’d glimpsed right before being transported from the creepy playground to the ashtray that the mall had become.

She wore a burgundy dress. He knew the color after listening to hours of Cordelia picking out a new pair of boots. It was old fashioned, like something out of A Christmas Carol that he used to watch with Jesse every year. The long dark hair framed her face but this time here eyes weren’t gold, they were dark. Black. Fathomless.

“You know some wishes are roses and they smell so sweet. Then there are the man-eating wishes that gobble you up and leave you bleeding for more.”

“You…you’re Drusilla right? I mean, Spike talks a lot about you and you sound…” He was going to say sort of crazy and then he figured he'd best shut his mouth. It wasn’t smart to poke fun of the crazy vampire type people.

“Once upon a time I was Daddy’s little girl but now that Daddy came back I’ve turned into starshine. I can’t help Daddy; he’s all twisted inside, like licorice.” She crooked her finger at him in a very childish gesture and beckoned him into the darkness. “I know a secret and it tastes of burnt sugar. The plague has come and you’ll need posies in your pockets to take away the smell of smoke. Want to know the secret? Of William being offered up to the pyre?”

Xander took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, I need to find Spike. Will you help me? I mean, I know he can take care of himself but I’m worried.”

Drusilla smiled and put her hands behind her back and rocked back and forth. “That’s because you can see, little Kitten, but you don’t know how to look. Miss Edith can help you, but she isn’t a nice dolly. She can open the door but the latch is broken and if you do it will never close again.”

Xander bit his lip and took a step towards the shadows she was standing in. “Umm, okay, I really didn’t get that. Is it dream imagery, or is it, well, you? No offence, I kind of like you because of Spike but that was confusing. Can’t you just tell me where he is?”

She gave a sad sort of smile. “I can do better than that, I can get Miss Edith to show you, but that’s knowledge and it has a price. All power has a price that must be paid, and you must give a coin to Charon if you’re going to cross the Styx.”

“Oh no, I don’t want to be dead. Well, dead dead. No River Styx for me, thank you very much.”

Her face shifted to its demon aspect and she snarled. “You can’t read the story without paying for the book! If you want to help William, you must pay!”

Xander didn’t know what to do. He would gladly die for Spike but how would being dead help?

A random thought popped into his brain. One of the few fights he’d had with Jesse when they were young. It had been over Spiderman, and Jesse had thought it would have been so cool to have those powers.

But Xander remembered how badly it had hurt Peter when his Uncle died. Or when someone hurt MJ or his Aunt. And he didn’t think he’d like all the responsibility.

Because that was the main thing Stan Lee was teaching with that comic. With great power comes great responsibility.

Up until now he could walk away from the fight. He wasn’t the Slayer, he wasn’t even a Watcher in training, no matter how many times Giles tried to get him to sign on. He liked learning about demons and how to kill the bad ones but it had been a hobby. One he could walk away from at any time.

He hadn’t even really made a big commitment to Spike. Sure, he’d said he loved him, and they were together but he hadn’t given Spike the two biggest things to prove that he belonged to the vampire. His blood or his body. Sex was a big thing and Spike was waiting for him to be comfortable enough to make that commitment. And Xander knew that Spike would love to mark him as belonging to the vampire, but he’d never done anything more than leave a hickey that could be hidden.

Maybe that was the price? He’d have to make commitments he had been putting off?

“Tick tock, little cat. There isn’t much time before the plague starts and London will be burning again. If you want to find William, pay the price and step into the dark. And then you shall see."

In the end, there wasn’t really a choice. He’d do anything for Spike; he loved him. And if their positions were reversed, he knew deep down in his soul that Spike would do the same for him. He took a deep breath and stepped into the shadows.

She handed him a box wrapped up as a gift, silver wrapping with a blue bow, and he opened the top…

And screamed.

******

He was still screaming when he woke up and he could taste copper on his lips. He sat up in bed and tried to calm down, tried to slow his breathing but it wasn’t working. He could feel blood pouring out of his nose and tears running down his face and it wouldn’t stop and there was so much pain that he wished he could die but he couldn’t because he could see what was going to happen to Spike.

He could SEE it!

It was almost as if his bedroom was a dream and what he was seeing behind his eyes were real. He could see Angel but it wasn’t Angel because he was dark and had blood on his hands and Kendra’s body at his feet and the bastard was laughing!!

And there was Spike, looking bruised and sort of broken. One of his legs was pointing in an odd direction and Angel, no, ANGELUS was kicking at it and laughing again. Xander thought he’d hated the bastard before but he really hated him now!

Then everything got disjointed, even worse then when he was dreaming, so maybe he wasn’t really awake? And this giant blue demon came up and put his hand on Spike’s chest and he started screaming Xander’s name and there were tears in Xander’s eyes to see Spike suffer so much and he could taste them and they tasted of the ocean.

He could see the bits of William that made up Spike like a shadow around his lover and it burned away, leaving Spike even more bloody, more ruthless than before and Xander knew he couldn’t let that happen because he loved Spike just like he was. And it was going to happen, in the future. He could tell because the present tasted like strawberries and was yellow but when Spike was burning he could taste the burnt sugar that Drusilla talked of and it was a dirty brown.

And he could hear the stars even though he couldn’t see them and they were whispering behind his back. Talking about him. Orion was stumbling around, blind as Xander was, and Cassiopeia was even snottier than Cordelia on her worst day and the Twins kept on chasing Virgo, trying to look under her skirt. They were always such rowdy boys; the Pleiades were always talking about them.

He scrambled from the bed, falling onto the carpet and he could see the time that Spike had tickled him till they rolled on the floor and it was bright yellow and there were bubbles of laughter all around, tickling his nose like champagne.

He finally crawled into the corner and started beating his head against the wall because the damned stars just would not shut up with their constant chatter; it was like being in the cafeteria at lunch but the volume was turned up. The pain made it go away, even though he didn’t like the sickly green it made the room look like because it clashed with the blood on his face.

And beyond all of that was the knowledge of what was happening, what had happened and what would happen. Angelus had lost his soul in a moment of happiness weeks ago, when Buffy had said that she loved him, because that was the best thing that could ever happen to him. It had been Angelus that had been poisoning her mind and soul, keeping her away from her friends but he’d done it so quietly because he was the wolf with the sheep’s clothes on.

And he could see how Spike tried to get back to him after finding his Grandsire, but Angelus was ten times as cruel as he had been a hundred years ago and wouldn’t let the last remaining member of his line leave. And if Xander didn’t do something that Judge demon would burn the humanity out of him, burn Xander’s love and memory of him out of Spike’s heart and he would be just as cruel as Angelus.

What was worse, Xander could see how nothing worked against the Judge, not swords or arrows or any of their weapons and he watched as both Willow’s and Cordelia’s hair caught on fire and Oz as he tried to put out the flames and was taken by a minion from behind.

But then there was a door, and there were mirrors, each showing the same scene only different. It was a room full of maybes and what ifs and the halls echoed as he ran through them, looking for a solution.

After what felt like hours of looking, he found it. Found it in a mirror where he had his hand up Cordelia’s skirt and that was about as disturbing as anything else he’d seen. And while he knew it wouldn’t fix everything, wouldn’t fix Angelus, it was a start.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked around. Everything was the same, only different, and if he didn’t concentrate the whispers would come back and he couldn’t let them. It was how he guessed being crazy must feel like and he started laughing because now he knew what the price was.

So now he was psychic, or whatever the hell it was. Because he didn’t have a name for the gift Drusilla had given him, wasn’t sure at all but the price was this state of flux, this being between one world and the other.

And if he could save Spike, it would be worth every minute of insanity.

Author's Note: The rhyme "Ring Around The Rosies" became popular during the time of the Bubonic Plague. People would carry small bundles of flowers, or posies, in their pockets to mask the smell of the dying and the dead. And of course the plague was stopped when a giant fire swept through London and it all fell down. I could go into it more but y'all get the picture.

Part Thirty-Two

It had taken him over two hours to dress, get his weapons together and leave the house. He still didn’t feel all that rested -- dreaming of your friends' deaths and going crazy would do that for a person -- and this new…thing he had made everything seem different, imbalanced.

Spike had told him stories about Drusilla during their time together. From what Xander could understand, she’d only been a little bit crazy before Angelus came after her. Not enough to send her to Bedlam, but enough so that her folks were willing to send her to a nunnery just to keep the family from being embarrassed that their daughter saw and heard things no one else did.

And lucky me, Xander thought, I get the full on crazy and not the half price one. Stupid gift with a no return policy. Like he wanted to hear the fricking stars or whatever it was that was whispering in the back of his head.

If it had been safe to walk around town with his eyes shut he would have. He didn’t dare drive the car; he’d gotten in and started the engine and the sound of it was just too much and it had a color and that was so freaky he’d jumped out and nearly fallen over his feet.

So he was walking, and it was getting close to sunset and he didn’t have time but oh god it was hard to concentrate, hard to be in the here and now when there was all this stuff running around in his head. He had stopped to rest on a park bench and had gotten a flash of sex/lust/hunger/death, and the mental picture of a vampire seducing someone and feeding from them on it and he’d jumped up as if he’d been burnt.

He really tried not to touch anything after that.

He had managed to call Cordy and tell her…well, he wasn’t sure he told her anything really coherent at the time. Hell, he could barely remember the phone call. He just told her to have everyone meet in the Library and to get the word out among the kids that the mall was not the place to be tonight.

And if anyone had control over who went to the mall, it was Cordy.

So now he was trying to get to the damn Library, and was almost there. He’d picked up a rock from the ground at some point in time and was gripping it in his fist. He’d gotten no psychic flash from it, and the jagged edges kept digging into his palm. It hurt, but it was a good kind of hurt because it helped keep him focused.

He only hoped the blood running from his hand didn’t attract anything nasty.

“Xander!” Willow’s voice came from behind him and he whirled around a bit unsteadily. For a moment, he wasn’t sure if he was dealing with a real Willow or a previous Willow only he could see or an imaginary Willow.

He really hoped he figured this thing out before he started talking to dolls like Drusilla had. Or worse still, the TV set. Because he could handle a lot of crazy things but not having a conversation with Barney.

“There you are! I was worried when Cordelia called me. Us. Are you okay?”

The hand on his arm was warm and solid so he guessed this was the real Willow. Even if she wasn’t, if he didn’t talk to her she’d pout and he couldn’t handle imaginary Willow pouts any better than he could real ones.

And he was sure that thought would have made sense if he'd had more sleep. Or better yet, a Crazy to English dictionary. Maybe he should have stopped at a bookstore?

“Okay? Umm, me? No, not okay, so not okay but it’s really complicated and I just want to tell it once. Well, I know for a fact I’m going to have to tell it over and over because I’ve seen, but I’d like to have the whole gang together first. Umm, did that make sense?”

Willow laughed and tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear. It was weird because he could see the color of her laughter and it was a light purple that seemed to match her shirt. Better not mention that right now, though. “Oh, Xander, you never make sense. That’s why I love you!”

“Okay, good, then that means this won’t be so different now, will it? And that had better be platonic love, missy. I thought we discussed this whole me being gay thing already.”

They were walking towards the entrance of the school and Willow still had her hand on his arm so he could feel the sharp stab of pain he was causing his friend.

“I’m okay if you’re okay.”

“No, you’re not, Wills, but thanks for lying. That’s sweet.” Willow stopped and looked at him oddly and Xander shrugged. “Don’t worry, you’ll do good with Oz for a while, he’s a good guy.” Behind his eyes there was a flash of long blonde hair and a shy smile. “Hey, and if not you can always switch teams like I did. I’m sure you’d love a busty blond!”

He grinned and rocked back and forth on his feet. Hopefully, this seeing weird stuff wouldn’t be too bad if he could see good things as well as the really scary stuff.

Willow gave him another odd look. “Okay…now I see what you mean about not making any sense. Hey, have you seen Angel? He’s been missing since last night and we’re all worried.”

Xander knew his face just shut down and he all but growled. “No, I haven’t seen the bastard and I really hope we don’t. It’ll take a while to explain.” He looked around and noticed how dark it had gotten. “Come on, we don’t have much time. The Judge will be at the mall soon.”

He had grabbed Willow by the arm and was dragging her into the school. “What? Xander! You’re not making any kind of sense! I thought Kendra took his arm far, far away.”

“Kendra’s dead.”

“What? Xander…” They had reached the inside of the school but the building was totally dark. Unnaturally dark.

The hair on the back of Xander’s neck rose and he put a hand over Willow’s mouth. “We’re being hunted and shouldn’t be seen.” Xander closed his eyes and tried to imagine them invisible, and pulled a protesting Willow along. She struggled but fear made him stronger. He could almost feel…something out there in the dark. Waiting.

They were halfway to the library when a dark figured loomed in front of them. A feeling of hatred raced through Xander and he struggled to keep his face straight. This was the devil in the moonlight, a shark looking to bite and if Xander let on that he knew it was Angelus and not Angel there would be blood.

Unfortunately, Willow didn’t trust him or didn’t understand. All he got from her was a feeling of confusion and relief and she fought and broke away from his restraining grip. “Angel! There you are! We were so worried. Have you talked to Buffy yet?”

“Buffy? Oh, yeah, we had a…conversation. I met her at her place and she said that everyone was getting together over here. Said that Xander knew something about the Judge?”

Angelus looked at him and Xander just wanted to crawl away. There was such an overwhelming feeling of evil and darkness in his eyes it would have been easy to fall in them. He saw how Drusilla had been driven mad.

And if Angelus knew that, Xander knew he’d become a new pet project.

“Willow, I want you to get behind me. Now.” He could do this. He could sound totally sane and act normal and still protect Willow and not let Angelus know anything. The rock in his hand felt like it was being crushed and he shoved it in his pocket so he could grab a stake from his backpack instead.

Both Angelus and Willow looked at him as if he’d gone crazy, though, so maybe he wasn’t pulling off the sane act as well as he thought he was. He swallowed, trying to get some moisture in his mouth so he could talk. “I mean it, Wills, if you love me at all you’ll get back here now.”

Okay, so he was an ass using her emotions against her but anything to get her away from Angelus. The claws that bite and the teeth that snatch.

And okay, apparently he had the crazy thing going on with Lewis Carroll instead of nursery rhymes. But if anyone was a jabberwocky it was the thing standing in front of him, reaching out an arm as if he really was worried about Xander.

Thankfully, Willow was worried too and came to stand behind him. “Xander? What’s going on with you?”

Xander laughed and it was a brittle sound. “It’s so complicated it isn’t even funny, but let’s just say a little birdie told me a story. About gypsies and curses and souls that don’t stick. We’ll need more than a needle and thread to sew it back on; it’s worse than a shadow.”

“What?”

But Angelus looked at him closely. “Now, Xander, you’re not making much sense.”

“I’m making too much sense, and you don’t like that, do you, Deadboy?”

“Willow, maybe you should run and get Giles and I’ll stay here with Xander.”

Angelus was the very model of concerned friend but that made Willow frown and look at him closely. Xander could almost hear the thoughts running through her mind, how Angel had never given a damn about Xander so why should he now?

Xander stood up straight and made sure that both of them saw the stake in his hand. Before he could say much more, though, another figure joined them in the hallway. It was Miss Calendar and she was holding a very large cross.

“Kids, get to the Library. This…this isn’t Angel. Not anymore.”

But Xander was rooted to the spot because he could see and he didn’t like what he was seeing. He could see the line of gypsies that stood behind Jenny Calendar, all whispering in her ear about vengeance. The curse that had given Angel his soul had come from this woman, her Line, but it hadn’t been about justice or to do a good deed by taking a monster out of commission.

No, it had been about revenge and retribution and making him suffer.

And he could see that that was the reason why Angelus was even more evil than he had been a hundred years ago. A century of violence had been building up and now they’d be thrice damned.

“What? Miss Calendar, what’s going on?”

“Oh, so you’re on to my little deception now, are you? Guess it was time for the unmasking. It was getting so fucking boring playing Angel that it’s a wonder I haven’t ripped someone to pieces in frustration. Oh, then again, I have. That little Slayer you sent on a fool’s errand was a tasty treat.”

Angelus dropped the Angel act and his presence took on a more menacing quality. His hands were shoved in his jacket and he acted like he didn’t have a care in the world. “You know, it’s funny, but you’d think that accent of hers would have made her screams sound different, but it didn’t. Then again, her blood was a bit spicier than my usual fare.”

“Bastard!” Xander hissed through his teeth and he was so angry he literally saw red. It was as if the entire hallway was washed in blood and he realized he was seeing another future. One where they all died.

They had to get to the Library.

His hand slipped into his backpack again and pulled out a small crossbow. He didn’t think he had a chance fighting Angelus one on one, but he might be able to wound the man instead.

First he had to distract him. “You know, Deadboy, I never liked you. Not with the soul and I certainly don’t like you without. And I gotta say, the whole evil undead look you’ve got going there is weird too. I mean, did you kill a herd of cows for those pants or what? A leather coat is cool but coat and pants in warm Southern California just screams living undead.”

Angelus stepped towards him. “Why, you stupid…”

The sentence was never finished since there was a crossbow bolt in his neck. Angelus made a gasping noise and raised his arm to pull it out and Xander quickly reloaded and fired another one into his left thigh before grabbing Willow and taking off down the hall. Miss Calendar followed. He looked back at where Angelus was pulling both bolts out of his body. “Run! Faster, he’s coming!”

They thundered through the halls, finally reaching the doors and Xander pushed the two women in front of him before going through himself and slamming the doors shut. Oz, Cordelia, Ethan and Giles were there and they all looked up to see the three of them gasping for air. Xander pushed Willow further in and grabbed one of the long 2x4’s they kept in the Library to block the doors ever since Student Teacher night.

“Umm, people? A little help? Evil megalomaniac trying to kill us here?”

Oz and Giles ran forward to help him block the door just as Angelus crashed into it from the other side. His face appeared in one of the windows, his true face showing and yellow eyes blazing with insanity and hatred. “Knock, knock! Guess who?”

Xander grunted as he tried to keep the doors shut. The wood wouldn’t hold too long under Angelus’s strength. “An evil bastard, that’s who!”

He could hear Ethan chanting in the background and to his eyes there was a blue…bubble or dome that was slowly moving from the center of the Library through the entire room. A barrier. He only hoped it would hold Angelus back.

Oz was being rather quiet, but his arm was touching Xander’s where they were holding the door and he could feel his fear and confusion. Poor guy, found out about vampires the day before and now the one he had been told was safe was trying to break in and kill them.

Xander didn’t need to be psychic to hear the confusion, worry and fear coming from Giles. The “Dear Lords!” were saying pretty much everything for him. Xander looked at his mentor. “Where’s Buffy?”

“I—I’m not quite sure. She was looking for Angel but…”

“Newsflash, Angel has left the building, G-man.” The blue dome had reached where they were standing and Xander could almost feel the sparks from it as it enveloped them. It stopped when it had penetrated the door but since Angelus had pulled back he assumed it had worked and stopped leaning against the door.

There was sudden quiet in the hallway before Angelus gave the door a final pounding. “I’ll be back, you know that!”

Xander laughed under his breath. That was just so clichéd. “Yeah, yeah, and you’ll get our little dogs too.” He looked over at where Ethan was standing. “Thanks, Chaos Man! Very cool, with the shields going up; you’re better than Scotty!”

Ethan’s smile was thin. “Thank you. I’ll take it as a compliment to be compared to a fictitious engineer.”

Xander grinned. It just felt better in the library with the shield up. Of course he could still feel other stuff, like the Hellmouth directly below him and weird voices and colors and crap that were coming from some of the books, but his adrenalin let him ignore most of it. He hoped he could keep it together because it would really help if he could stay sane for the conversation they were about to have.

“Umm, I thought Angel was one of the good guys? What the hell happened? And why has Xander suddenly taken a walk on the truly weird side?”

Cordy was looking at him funny, and Willow was watching him from behind her hair. Maybe he wasn’t sounding so sane; it was hard to be sure. Giles took off his glasses and readjusted one of the arms before putting them back on.

“Yes, well, it seems that Angel has lost his soul, or rather reverted to his Angelus persona. I’m not quite sure why…”

Xander looked at Miss Calendar. “I know why, but Miss Calendar knows more about it. After all, she was sent to make sure Angel wouldn’t slip his leash. Guess you kinda fell down on the job, didn’t you?”

She gave an honest to god gasp. Xander thought that only happened in comics. “How…how did you know?”

Okay, if he couldn’t pull off sane maybe he’d make the crazy work for him. “Oh, I know. I know lots and lots of things. Like how your Uncle warned you yesterday but it was already too late, wasn’t it? That’s why you went to find Giles that night but the whole deal with Ethan distracted you. You’ve known for a while now that Angelus has been loose and didn’t stop it because it was an ancient Gypsy secret. I’ve gotta say, if it was just the secret of using Calgon I wouldn’t be angry but finding out that Angelus is around kinda pisses me off.”

He walked over and brushed his hand against the back of the chair Buffy usually sat in. “Buffy’s on her way into the school, G-man, better unbolt the door and let her in.”

Okay, now they were all looking at him as if he had a few screws loose but, since he did, he tried not to let it bother him. When he went to sit in his usual chair there was a flash of hatred and he could tell that Angelus had sat there at one point in time so he hopped back up.

“Xander? Is there something you want to tell us?” Giles was unbolting the door but looking at him like he’d done something wrong and Xander fought the urge to look down. He wasn’t going to try to hide his new abilities; it was no use because he had to explain what he knew and how he knew it.

“You mean the sudden reason I’m a bit Fruit Loops now? Believe me, it’s a long story and we don’t have that much time. Short version? I went into my dreams, saw one possible future where the Judge melted down the entire planet, starting with Sunnydale Mall, and to figure out how to stop him someone gave me these really weird psychic abilities.”

By that time Buffy was in the Library and he could feel the misery radiating from her. He walked over and brushed against her arm and watched the pictures in his head as Angelus said some terribly cruel and wicked things in her bedroom. “Hey, Buff, it’s not your fault. Angelus was playing you so don’t listen to anything he had to say. You couldn’t know he was going to lose his soul.”

He could see more, see how Angelus had been slowly pulling her away from her friends, away from her support. He gave her a quick hug, and could feel her sadness and embarrassment. He forgave her for everything she’d been nasty about in the past few months then and there. Poison fruit from a poison tree.

He kissed her on the cheek and whispered in her ear. “Just so you know, Buffy, Angel had his perfect moment of happiness the first time you told him you loved him, not last night. Everything else since then has been Angelus playing with you.”

She gave him a sad look. “Xander? How…”

He pulled away and tried to ignore all the stares. And the whispers in his head, and the weird swirling darkness coming from the floor below him. And a whole lot of other things.

“What exactly do you mean by “weird psychic abilities,” Xander?” Giles was going for a book and even Ethan looked stunned. Guess he hadn’t known what was going to happen when he gave him that advice the night before.

“Oh, lots of stuff. Future, present, past, voices, weird floating colors, and I see weird shit when I touch certain things. Listen, I know you really want to crack, like, a hundred books but Angelus is taking the Judge and a whole group of fledges for a party down at Sunnydale Mall and we really need to be there or, believe me, it’s going to be a total slaughter. I’ve seen it and it was really not pretty. Oz, Buffy; in my vision you were snacks of the vamps. Wills, Cordy; wear something fire retardant. Giles, Ethan; I didn’t see you but…well, there were a lot of people that were just ashes, from being burned, you know? And parts, just there. It was more than kinda gross so I’d rather not live that future, thanks very much.”

And they didn’t believe him. He could tell that everyone, even Cordy, thought that Xander had lost his marbles. Problem was, he had, but it was still the truth. And he was afraid if he were too much crazier he’d never get them to the Mall in time.

“Perhaps…perhaps you’d better sit down and tell us again just what happened.” Giles was doing that infuriating 'humor the crazy' voice. Xander sighed; he had a feeling he was going to hear that tone of voice a lot now. And he still had to figure out how to save Spike. His head was beginning to hurt.

“Right, don’t listen to the crazy psychic guy. Now I know how Cassandra felt.” He jumped up to sit on the table and got a flash of love/lust/sex and an image of legs and arms and…

“GAH!! GILES! You and Ethan did it on the Library table! Man, I read books there; that is so not cool! And I so did not need to see…that, behind my eyelids. Any other places you two have got it on that that I need to avoid? The desk in your office, maybe?”

Everyone but Giles and Ethan made a squicked face, and Buffy took two steps away from the table. Ethan looked smug, like the cat that had gotten the canary, but all the color had left Giles’s face and he slowly sat down in a chair.

“Oh, good lord!”

Part Thirty-Three

“You know, there’s something oddly weird with sneaking into a military base.”

Xander looked over his shoulder at his companion. “Look, Sunnydale itself is weird. The guy who owns the comic book shop hides cat ears under his baseball cap. Cordy just about became the new Bride of Frankenstein earlier this year. I’m being driven insane by weird voices in my head. Sneaking into somewhere with weapons is as normal as you’re going to get.”

Oz just shrugged. “I’m just saying it’s weird.”

Xander grit his teeth and tried not to snap at him. It wasn’t Oz’s fault that the stars, or whoever it was whispering in the back of his head, was getting louder. Telling him what was going to happen at the Mall. To Spike.

Plus there had been the barrel of fun at the Library, where he freaked everyone out with his Amazing Kreskin impression and then Buffy and Miss Calendar had nearly had a bitch fight in the middle of the room.

That had been oddly disorienting. It was almost like he could see their emotions, the red of anger and a sickly green that spoke of betrayal. Add in the blackish swirl that was the Hellmouth and the other auras or whatever the hell they were from the books and it was like a rainbow had puked all over the room, leaving a mess of sickening swirls.

He found a deserted area of the base and pulled out a pair of wire cutters and carefully cut a small hole in the fence. For an Army base it had really sucky security, which was a damn good thing.

After all, he didn’t have the memories of a soldier to draw from in his head, like his alternate did in another time and place. All he had were wacky voices and colors and visions.

Still, he’d rather be in the closet with Spike than Cordelia. Just watching that in his head had made him feel…squicky.

There was a quick flash in his head and he could see himself kissing Willow and Xander nearly tripped as he sneaked around the side of one of the warehouses on the base to hide behind a few of the crates left outside.

Of course, he made the mistake of bracing his fall with his hands and he was hit by a new mental image that came so quickly all he could make out was a feeling of pain/anger/fear and a flash of some kid getting harassed by an officer. Xander tried to shake his head, unaware that he was mumbling to himself.

“Hey, you okay?” Oz’s voice sounded like it came from a long tunnel and Xander tried to focus. Before he had a chance, Oz had put a hand on his arm and shook him gently.

The image he was hit with was frightening, and Xander scrambled back, trying to break contact. “No! No, no don’t touch me! Just…stay back, gimme a second.”

Xander could feel his chest heaving and he grit his teeth, trying to stop the voices and the barrage of images flashing behind his eyes. It was almost like watching one of those old movies that flickered. Nearly everything his saw with his new “gift” was out of focus, and flickered in an out.

And the damn voices in his head had started howling like a pack of dogs. They were really starting to get on his nerves.

He took a few deep breaths and thought of Spike. How he smelled, how his hair felt when Xander would run his hands through it. The blue of his eyes. How he would sometimes smile at Xander, and it wasn’t about snarking or anything like that but it was just pure and honest affection.

“Right. Okay. That is so not fun. No wonder she went nutty. I’m feeling kinda like a box of Screaming Yellow Bonkers myself. Shit.” He ran his hand through his hair and then looked at Oz. “Okay, I have no idea what all that meant but I saw you, the full moon and a reddish brown rabbit being chased by a wolf around an old couch. Interpret as you will, after we get this done. If I'd known I was going to be this weird, I would have asked for a fucking instruction manual. Good gods.”

Oz looked at him weirdly, again. Xander already hated it; it was a look that mixed confusion and fear and worry and it was getting on his nerves and he hadn’t even been psychic for 24 hours yet. He knew he was going to have to get used to it, though; that was how most people would look at him from now on.

But he really hoped Spike wouldn’t.

“Never mind, if I figure out more I’ll tell you. Let’s just get this done, before I start talking to people that aren’t there.”

“Okay. I can do this.” Oz stopped for a moment and looked at him. “What are we going to do again?”

“We’re going to sneak in and get something that will make the Judge guy go boom really big.” Xander smiled evilly and gave a weird laugh. “Fire is fun!!”

He turned around and sneaked towards the munitions building, chuckling under his breath. Okay, so the crazy thing bothered his friends; he’d just have to play it up some, really freak them out.

His hand was on the door when a voice called from behind. “HALT!”

Oz was in front of him and they both put their hands up at the sight of a rifle pointed at them. Xander knew he felt like someone had knocked the air out of his lungs and his friend didn’t look much better.

"Identify yourself right the hell now!”

Oz went to speak but something made Xander step forward. Now the voices were singing some weird, haunting sort of song and without realizing it he started humming along.

“Xander!”

“Wha—huh?” He didn’t really know how long he’d been listening to the song, but it was like he was waking up and Oz’s hushed whisper had broken…whatever it was.

“What did you do to him?” Oz gestured at the Army guy and Xander looked at him closely. The rifle that had been pointing at them was now sagging in his grip, the barrel pointing at the ground. His eyes were kinda glazed and his mouth was slightly open. There was a small bit of drool, too, which was really unattractive.

Not that he went for the follow orders, uniform kind of guy anyway.

Xander looked at Oz and just shrugged. “I have no idea. Maybe the Jedi Mind Trick? Bene Gesserit Voice from Dune? Let’s not look a gift psychic horse in the mouth, okay? Let’s go get that rocket launcher.”

“Have I mentioned how weird all of this stuff is lately?” Oz’s voice was deceptively bland as he followed Xander.

******

He waited until after Buffy blew the Judge into a hundred or so little tiny bits at the Mall before slipping away in the chaos. That had been sort of fun, seeing the look of surprise on Angelus’s face as he dived for cover. Deadboy had not seen that coming and his face had twisted into a mask of rage and fear and frustration.

And watching the Giant Evil Smurf get blown to bits was fun, too.

He looked around, and everyone was busy. The large group of fledges had scattered, and between them, Giles and Ethan and their crossbows were taking the few brave stragglers out. He didn’t have to be psychic to know that Angelus would be torturing the ones that ran as soon as he caught them and, oddly enough, Xander kinda hoped they would just keep on running until they got somewhere safe. Egypt, maybe.

Willow and Oz were picking up Judge bits and putting them in freezer bags. They’d take them back to the Library later and pack him away in locked boxes that would be shipped to about a hundred or so Watchers that Giles knew of. The boxes would then be sent to other people and buried in places which demons and humans alike tended to avoid.

He didn’t see Cordelia, but she wasn’t watching him so he was free to slip out the side door to the parking garage. Not the one where Buffy and Angelus were doing their kung fu/broken relationship dance, the one on the other side.

It was mostly empty, because just about everyone with a brain started running at the sight of a rocket launcher. There was a sedan behind one of the concrete pillars, though, and Xander ran up to it, his bag of weapons thrown over his shoulder, and he worked on getting the car jimmied open as he ignored the now almost deafening voices that only he could hear.

They couldn’t have been stars. Stars were far away, but these sounded almost like a crowd of people in a football stadium, and he was standing right in the middle of them. It was like being in the middle of a freaking peanut gallery or something.

Finally, he managed to open the car door and got to work hot-wiring it. That didn’t take as long, thank god, but before he could close the door he found himself shoved painfully over the gearshift and a slim body replaced him at the wheel.

“Finally. I thought it was going to take you forever, psycho-boy. God. I thought your boytoy was being a bad influence by teaching you this sort of shit. And if you think I’m letting you drive, you’re crazier than I thought.”

“Cordelia? Umm, what are you doing?”

“Driving you to, well, wherever it is that Mr. Bad Dress Sense has Spike. That is what’s happened: Angelus has Spike and you need to go off and rescue him, right?”

“Right, but, Cordy, this is dangerous. I can’t let you…”

“Okay, listen up. You are not letting me do a damn fucking thing. I may be gorgeous but I am not air headed enough to be a damsel in distress. I make up my own mind, thank you very much. It’s a good thing you're gay; if you had a girlfriend, she would have to put some serious training time into you. Now, point to where I need to drive you and let's get this rescue on the road before the others figure out where we’ve gone.”

“Umm, there’s a warehouse, near the docks. I’m not sure where. I’ll know more when we get closer.” And having Cordy there was a relief, in a way. He had backup, someone to help.

It didn’t hurt that Cordy acted pretty much the same around him. Oh, there was the “are you totally insane” look, but it was pretty much the same one she’d always used on him so he was used to it. And Cordy was the type of person that said what she thought. If you didn’t like it, tough cookies. It was refreshing.

“Hey, Cordy? I’m gonna say something and I just want you to know I mean it as a total compliment. Because I really don’t want to piss off the woman who’s driving, okay? You know that line from Dolores Claiborne that Vera Donovan says? About how “Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.” You kind of remind me of that.”

“Aww! I get that, and I think that’s one of the sweetest things anyone’s ever said to me.” There was a flash of a superstar grin before Cordelia turned to look at the road. “Now shut up and tell me which way. I’d like to get this done before we’re old. And I’m so thankful we didn’t take my car because, really, vampire blood has got to be hard to get out of the upholstery.”

*****

In the end, it was surprisingly easy. Sure, there were a few guards around the warehouse but Cordy had gone in as bait and, between the two of them, the eight minions hadn’t stood a chance. It looked like Angelus had taken the majority of his forces across town and, while fledges were stupid, none of the runners had come back.

The warehouse...well, it was icky. All empty and dank and cold and it hurt him to think that Spike had been there for days. And Xander could feelhim, the voices strangely quiet now that he was there, and it was hard to be careful and not run across the empty open floor of the warehouse to the small office where he just knew Spike was.

But he didn’t. They were careful. Because, hey, Master Vampire lairs weren’t the best places to hang out, and Angelus was more than slightly psycho. Xander knew. He was now an expert at psycho; he had first hand experience at it.

Nothing jumped out of the shadows at him, though. No fledges or anything else. He tried not to look in the corners. There were too many…leftovers lying around. Vamps weren’t the neatest things, and it made Spike’s habit of leaving dirty ashtrays all over the house look positively sanitary.

For her part, Cordy was keeping her eyes on him. He wasn’t sure if it was to make sure he didn’t have a screaming fit or because she didn’t want to see anything either.

A few steps away from the door the voices came back, but this time it was like they were trying to be quiet. Urgent, but quiet.

“We’ve got to hurry. Angelus is coming back and he’s not a happy camper.” Xander tried to open up his brain, tried to feel if there was anyone in the room with Spike but all he got was pain/longing/regret and the sense of Spikeness that was his lover. “Come on!”

“I think I’ll just…stand guard while you get Spike.”

Xander just nodded. Cordelia sounded like she was ready to bolt. He owed her big time, him and Spike both. He’d have to tell her that, later when there wasn’t the fear of imminent death.

He opened the door, and instead of opening it slowly he pushed it, hard. It slammed against the wall and he knew there wasn’t anyone behind it.

Spike was in a corner and looked up at the sudden sound. Xander had to fight off a grin; he had never seen his lover speechless before.

“Xan? What the bloody hell…?”

“Hey, thought you could use a lift. That is, if the Judge didn’t burn your personality out. He didn’t, did he? Because that would be bad. Come on, we gotta go. Angelus is on the way back and he’s kind of pissed off right now. He didn’t like the birthday present I got Buffy.”

Spike gave him an odd look and Xander just bent down and pulled one of Spike’s arms around his shoulders and picked him up. Spike was dangerously thin, and Xander tried to ignore the shifting bones in his legs and the damp feeling of blood on the back of his shirt.

“What do you mean, Angelus didn’t like your pressie? That was a nice bloody blouse you bought! And don’t forget the duster, pet; can’t go anywhere without it.”

Xander rolled his eyes and moved so that Spike could use one arm to snag/grab his duster and pull it close. “Nah, I got her something else as a last minute gift. A rocket launcher. It was so cool.”

He left the office and nodded to Cordy and they started running out. Time was short; he could almost feel Angelus getting closer. Spike kept quiet, but Xander could tell he was mainly trying to not drop his jaw at the fact that someone else was helping Xander. Xander knew that no one had ever tried to help his lover before, not really. It had to be kind of weird.

Cordy opened the door to the back seat of the still running sedan and then jumped into the front seat. Xander placed his lover carefully in the back before slamming the door and running over to the passenger side and picking up the bag that he’d had when he was in the Army Base.

“Xander! Let’s go!”

“Gotta leave a parting gift, Cor. Hold on.” He pulled out the mass of gray putty that he’d stolen, and the thing that looked sort of like a complicated egg timer. He could do this; just pretend it was Play Dough and a microwave timer and not C4. He set the timer for five minutes and ran back to the warehouse and hid it under the stairs leading into it. Hopefully, Angelus would have too big of a mad on to smell the explosives.

He ran back, jumping in the front seat as soon as he could. “Go! Go! He’s almost here!!”

Cordelia took off like a shot, leaving half of the rubber from the tires on the road as he pulled out in front of a car. They waited for signs of pursuit, not talking until Cordy pulled off the road at a nearby burger place.

“Okay, we’re in public. We’ll look less obvious if we’re not acting guilty.” There was the sound of an explosion, making all of the windows shake and the nearby diners stop eating and look to see what was happening. “What the hell?”

“Umm, yeah. High grade explosives. I got them at the same time I got the rocket launcher.”

“You are just so fucking weird, it’s not even funny. Give me some money; I’m going in for milkshakes. Sorry, Fang Boy, you’ll have to make do with strawberry, not blood.”

Xander silently handed her some money out of a pocket and waited for her to leave before turning around to look at Spike. Now that it wasn’t so dark, he could see the bruising on his face and the gaunt, hollow look that meant he hadn’t been feeding.

Xander smiled softly. He’d rather see bruises and a sort of amazed look than hatred, or a pile of dust. “Hey. Missed you.”

It looked like Spike was having a hard time swallowing. He looked smaller, and vulnerable too, which Xander didn’t like. He liked it when Spike was the strong one. He made mental plans on how to get blood into the house without Angelus knowing, figuring Willy would tell and that the butcher's would be a safer bet, even if it wasn’t human.

“God, Xander…you came after me. That…”

Xander shook his head and put a hand on Spike’s leg. “I know. Listen, just…keep strong until Cordelia drops us off at home and then we can talk. And, believe me, there is a whole shit load of stuff that’s happened. I think I blew a big enough hole in the side of that place that Angelus will have to change lairs, though, and he’ll be more preoccupied with finding somewhere safe to spend the day than chasing after you. We’ll get through this, it’ll be okay.”

Spike just nodded and laid his head back. Xander turned around and noticed Cordy coming out, actually carrying three drinks. He shook his head. He hadn’t planned on having her along but he really couldn’t have done it without her. Willow would have freaked or been upset about Spike and Buffy…well, she probably would have wanted to stake Spike first thing.

She opened the door and got in, handing him a shake and passing one back to Spike, who took it with the oddest look. Cordy ignored it. Xander checked his out, and it was chocolate.

“Man, Cor, I so owe you. Anytime, anywhere, you name it. Hell, if you want, Spike will kill someone for you and I’ll give you an alibi and hide the body.” He grinned.

Cordy smiled as she put her drink in the slot for it and backed the stolen car out of the parking space. “Just remember, Xander: diamonds really are a girl’s best friend.”

Part Thirty-Four

Spike found himself staring at the ceiling, the dark curtains that hung in their bedroom keeping the light out. By all rights he should be sleeping; after all, it was the first time in a long time that he was well fed, more than halfway healed, warm and, well, safe.

Safe. That seemed like such an odd concept. Xander had actually ridden in to the rescue like the bloody white knight that he was, dragging along that bint he hung out with and carrying him off into the damn freaking sunrise like some sort of hero from Mills and Boone.

Him. A Master Vampire, being rescued from his Grandsire by two teenaged humans. Yes, it helped that he loved Xander but still, in a way, it stuck in his craw. He wasn't used to being the rescued; he was the rescuer.

But he couldn't deny, not even to himself, the eminent feeling of joy that he'd gotten once he realized one of the two heartbeats entering the lair was his boy's. To tell the truth, he hadn't been expecting anyone to come and rescue him.

In the past, when they were all Family, Dru had come and distracted Angelus sometimes during one of their...sessions. But he had never been sure if it was because she was trying to help him or because she had just wanted her “Daddy's” attention at the time.

He sighed and tried to shift around into a more comfortable position while not disturbing Xander. There was still something...off, about his love. He just couldn't put his finger on it, but Xander had been nearly exhausted as he helped Spike set his bones and heat up blood that Spike had delivered. The bint, Cordy, said that his Xan hadn't been sleeping in days, and when Xander had started to talk Spike had stopped him and said that nothing would happen until they were both well rested.

But it left him damn curious. He had noticed the dark circles around Xander's eyes and the way he was sort of jumpy and now, when they were safe and tucked up in their bed, Xander was still twitching, just a bit, in his dreams.

Just what had happened to his boy while he had been held captive by his bastard of a Grandsire?

*****
“And just what in the bloody hell were you thinking? Thought you had better sense than to trust Dru, even if it was a fucking dream!!”

Xander crossed his arms across his chest and frowned. “I was thinking that you were dead or dying somewhere and I didn't know shit and that stuff with the Judge was going to happen if I didn't do something. It's not like I knew it was going to be a psychic powers and the ability to see and hear all sort of funky crap! For all I know it could have been a map with a big red X on it saying “Spike is here!” I was tired and scared and at that point I would have made a deal with the Devil himself to save your ass. Silly me, I would have thought you'd be happy!”

Spike grit his teeth and choked back about the first ten things he wanted to say. It was obvious that Xander was near the edge, despite having a good six hours of sleep under his belt. Six hours wasn't going to make up for days of missing sleep and if Xan was anything like Dru those six hours hadn't been dreamless.

Spike wasn't sure whether or not he should kiss Xander stupider, or shake him until what passed for his brains started to work. “You don't know what you've done, pet, you just can't understand...”

“What Dru was like? Or these damn powers? No, I don't understand. Silly me; here I thought you'd help.” Spike watched as Xander's jaw clenched and it was obvious that he was hurt as well as mad. “You really don't get it, you fucking ass. I would have done anything...”

“No, you don't get it, Xander! Angelus will know that you're the one who rescued me. That bomb may have blown the building to kingdom come but the scents outside won't be washed away until there's a heavy rain. And I'm willing to bet that he's had minions listening to you, even hanging about in the ceiling of your damn school so he'll know you have the same gift as Dru had. He'll be after you now. You might as well have put a fucking apple in your mouth and rung the dinner bell!!”

“So what if he does? You won't let that happen. At least, I thought you'd help me. Protect me. What, tired of dealing with crazy people? Going to leave me now that I'm nuttier than a fruit cake?”

Spike growled. “Didn't say that, you twit. Just think you went and leaped without the looking, that's all. You've got a target painted on your back and you don't know what Angelus will do to get a hold of you. He broke Dru because he was bloody bored, but when he finds out about you he'll make you his personal hobby.”

Xander scuffed his shoe on the ground. “Well, you won't let him. Besides, how is he going to find out?”

“He isn't as stupid as Angel, luv. He'll connect the dots real quick, like. He'll do whatever it takes and you just can't understand how fucking evil he can be.”

“Fuck you, Spike! I've seen what he's like so don't you damn well tell me I don't understand! He makes Charles Manson look like a kid in juvenile. I saw what he was doing to you and what he had planned and I had to do something and if you don't like it you can sit on it and spin!”

“Xan...”

“Don't you “Xan” me! I walked into that warehouse last night not knowing if Angelus had gotten the Judge to burn out your humanity yet. That was what he was going to do to you, by the way, take every bit of William that was left over, every bit of you that was able to love me and burn it away until you were as dark and as twisted as he was and I wasn't about to just walk away. You fucking asshole, I knew that was a possibility and I still went in there. You know why? Because even if you were all perverted I still wanted to be with you, you jackass!”

It was the first time they had really fought and the sound of Xander's shouting had Spike stopped in his tracks. His lover's anger was an almost palpable thing, causing a strain between them that Spike didn't like at all.

“Xander, what the hell are you saying, luv?”

“What I'm saying, luv, is that I walked in there last night and if you weren't still you, if you'd been changed already, I was going to get Cordy to run and let you turn me, you son of a bitch!”

Xander's words hit Spike right in the gut, and they hurt just as much as if Xander had hauled off and hit him with a baseball bat. While he had thought of turning Xander, the thought of his boy under the rule of Angelus made him retch.

He took a deep breath and was about to unleash his opinion on Xander when he really looked at his boy. Behind the anger was hurt, and Spike realized that he put that look in his lover's face. His own anger drained out of him and Spike ignored the body language that said 'don't touch me' and gathered up Xander in his arms.

“'M sorry if I hurt your feelings, pet, believe me. I'm just worried what will happen with Angelus. I may be evil but Angelus, well, he makes me look like a nancy-boy, and it's like he came back even more insane than he was originally. Think nearly a hundred years of living with the soul drove him even further around the bend. And he's always loved to take anything I held important away from me, loved to beat the bloody tar out of me for acting too human. He gets a hold of you, luv, and he'll make you hurt for weeks before turning you, and there won't be a damn thing I can do to stop it and I love you too fucking much to let that happen.”

For a moment Xander was stiff in his arms before he started sagging and Spike had to hold him up. “So, you're not mad at me?”

“No, not really, luv. I'm worried and scared. Don't know what that bloody bastard will do, and I don't know how this...thing is going to affect you. There were times I didn't sleep because Dru would be off her rocker about something that the Stars said, or having nightmares and would tear at her hair and there was nothing I could do to help. Don't want that for you, Xan. I can't stand to see you hurting.”

Spike pulled Xander over to the nearest bit of furniture, which happened to be the couch, and soon they were both curled up on it. It was almost a signal, and Xander started shaking and for a moment Spike was afraid he was going to cry.

“It's just... I was so damn scared and didn't know what to do and, yeah, Ethan knows but while I like him I don't trust him, and I could talk to Cordy about you being missing but that was it. No one else knew and I had to act all normal and inside I was just dying and I couldn't sleep and it was just terrible, Spike. If you ever have to leave again, you're taking me with you because I really can't stand it.”

Spike nuzzled the top of Xander's head, inhaling the scent of his boy and enjoying the soft feel of Xander's hair against his face. “Not gonna promise that, luv, so don't ask me. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Anything. If that means I have to leave you, then I will.”

Xander's voice was muffled where his face was pressed into the crook of Spike's neck and he could feel the warm tickle of breath hitting his collar bone. “That's stupid, Spike. I mean, if we're apart he can use us against each other. If we're together we can protect each other.”

Spike chuckled. “There is that. We'll see, luv, take things as they come.”

They sat there for a few moments and Spike just soaked in the warm feeling of having Xander pressed up against him. It would have been so easy just to start kissing him and never stop, but Xander needed reassurance, not sex.

At least for the moment.

Xander sat up and rubbed at his face. Spike didn't see any traces of tears but there for a moment he'd been on the edge. He hated that his fear for Xander had come out as anger at the boy. He'd have to be more careful in the future.

“So, I guess that was our first big fight. Huh, and it wasn't even over you killing people and stuff. Weird. What next?”

Spike leered at Xander. “Usually it's the really good make up sex, pet. It's the best thing about having a good row.”

Xander slapped at him halfheartedly. “Not that next! Not that it isn't a good idea. No, I mean the next where Angelus is going to be coming after us and the torture part. Any way we can avoid that?”

“I don't rightfully know. Wanker had over a hundred years on me, and now that ol' Batface and Darla is dead he's the Master of our Clan. That's a big thing in the vampire world, not that I ever paid much attention to politics. I could ask to be let go from the line; it doesn't happen much but it has happened. More often or not the Master just lets the Childer roam, like when Darla and Angelus left the Court. Problem is, Angelus is all keen on making his family again. Wanted me, even though I bloody well didn't want to be there, and was able to keep me. He wants the Slayer, as a replacement for Darla. Git has a thing for blonds.”

Spike found himself holding Xander as tight as he could. “He'll find out about you, pet, if he doesn't know after you nearly blowing him away last night. He'll want you to replace Dru.”

“Any chance he was standing on top of the bomb when it went? Vampire or not, if it blew him into bits he's not going to pull himself together.”

He couldn't help it, he chuckled. “Nice as that would be, pet, I don't think we're that fucking lucky. Nah, ol' Broody Pants probably went to one of his back up lairs and is plotting against us as we speak.”

“Gee, thanks for being so optimistic.” Xander poked him in the side. “I mean it, what can we do to get him before he gets us? He's been mind fucking Buffy for weeks, and while I can see stuff, it's weird and unfocused. Right now I just keep on getting the moon and I know it's connected to Oz, but that's it. It's like my third eye is stuck on one channel and I can't find the remote. And the damn voices-- I refuse to say it's the Stars-- are doing their Wolfman Jack impression. It's annoying. At least they're not so loud this morning.”

Spike sighed. “Well, first thing first. We need to find you some training or books or some such. I know a few things that helped Dru but maybe you can be trained, since you're not completely barmy.”

“Monkey nut crunchy blue.”

Spike looked at Xander and, while the boy had a totally serious face on, he could see the gleam of amusement in his eyes. Spike grinned and tackled him, wrestling around until they were both in the floor, laughing.

“Forget what I just said, pet. You're a total loon!”

Xander grinned at him and then rolled them across the floor until he was on top. Spike couldn't help but feel aroused at the playful look on his boy's face. Xander leaned forward and kissed him. His mouth was warm and Spike opened his own mouth so that their tongues could meet.

He shifted his hips and soon they were on the floor, rubbing against each other while still in their clothes. Spike groaned in the back of his throat and pulled Xander closer, thrusting as fast as he could and still keep kissing.

They were both still dressed for bed and wearing sweatpants, and the feel of his cock pressed against two layers of fleece to meet Xander's had him panting. He had resigned himself to never having this again, and here Xander was, warm and alive and in his arms.

It was the best aphrodisiac Spike could ever imagine.

It didn't take them long; they had been away from each other for too long to be able to draw any type of love making out. Xander thrust harder and then bucked on top of him and the scent of semen hit Spike's nostrils and he found himself following his lover over the edge.

Spike found himself lying on the floor, with a warm, sweaty, sticky Xander on top of him, his chest heaving. Spike could feel the beating of Xander's heart against his own still chest. He hugged Xander as close as he could get and kissed whatever available skin he could find. “God, I fucking missed you.”

“Mmmm, ditto.” Xander had that muzzy sleepy sound and Spike couldn't help but find him cute. He couldn't let anything happen to Xander, he'd face the dawn first.

“Hey, you got one of your Scooby meetings later, pet?”

“Uhhh, yeah, after five. Cordy covered for me skipping out last night, said that she would tell them I was following a figment of my imagination or something, but we're supposed to meet at the Library later. Why?”

“'Cause I think I got an idea of how to deal with Angelus, but it'll be complicated.”

“Hmm? How?”

“There's only one way for a vamp to go against the head of his Clan. I'm going to declare a Blood Feud. And you're gonna help me, luv.”

Part Thirty-Five

Xander wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans and took a deep breath before walking in the door. He could feel the other shoe about to drop and it was one of those clunky Birkenstocks and Xander just knew it was going to hit him right between the eyes and hurt like hell.

Because the gang was going to find out about Spike. And Spike was just waiting for his cue to make his grand entrance. His best friends could be trying to kill his boyfriend before the hour was over and, in his heart, he knew if it came down to that he'd be rooting for Spike to win.

What was really crappy was that his new 'gift' wasn't helping. It was like there were too many possibilities, too many ways this meeting could go so his brain couldn't pick just one. Spike was right; he really needed training, and soon. Otherwise he would go a little crazy.

Well, crazier. No one normal would date a vampire and take a gift from his ex-girlfriend. His dead and dusted ex-girlfriend. So it could be said that the crazy came before the gift bit. Now if only he could figure out the chicken and the egg.

Xander leaned his forehead against the library door in frustration and then jumped back. The anger Angelus had felt at being barred from the Library had soaked into the wood and he could still feel it. It sizzled across the inside of his head and gave him a bad taste in his mouth. Angelus really had gone off the deep end, he could sense that. However, he couldn't tell what the vampire was going to do. Insanity was unpredictable, so it wasn't like he'd be able to tell Buffy to wait down on 3rd Street on Tuesday and she'd be able to kill him.

Besides, after the serious mind fuck he'd done on her, he doubted the Slayer would be up to slaying anytime soon. And in the meantime, people would die. So he needed to get his head out of his ass and walk into the Library and get this meeting started, because they were going to need Spike as much as Spike needed the backup.

So he took another deep breath, and still another. Then he figured he'd better stop or else he'd hyperventilate and pass out in the hallway and that wouldn't be good. He couldn't do a damn thing if he was unconscious and drooling and acting like the Amazing Human Doorstop.

He pushed open the door and walked in. It looked like, with the exception of Ethan and Giles, he was the first one there. He thought about making a nervous joke about the judicious use of the big table but figured he didn't want Giles to be any more pissed at him than he already was.

“Hey, Ethan! G-man!”

Ethan just nodded at him but Giles came out from his office and looked at him over his glasses. “Xander. I do hope you've come prepared to answer some hard questions about your new...abilities.”

Xander sighed and started looking for a chair he could sit in that wouldn't give him a headache. “Yeah, Giles. I have a whole lot of stuff to tell and you're not gonna like it all. We can do it when the gang's all here, though, right? Because I get confused myself about some things; it'll be worse if I have to do this more than twice.”

“Twice?”

Xander turned and grinned at Ethan. “Yeah, twice. I'll have to go over it all with Willow again later. She's a genius when it comes to computers and books and math and stuff but sometimes she's a bit...” He trailed off. He wasn't sure how to put it. He didn't want to say that Willow was stupid about people, because she wasn't. She just didn't understand some things easily.

“Naive is the word you're looking for, Xander, and, yes, we can wait. To tell the truth, I expected everyone to be here by now. I wonder what's keeping them.” Giles moved over to the Library door and peered out.

Xander gave up on finding a place to sit. The only chair that didn't have some sort of weird vibes was the one next to Ethan and he figured Giles would take that. And he wasn't sitting on the table again because he was still scarred from seeing the half minute flash of naked Librarian and he didn't want his third eye blinded.

Finally he gave up and sat on the desk where people checked out, crossing his legs on the counter so they wouldn't dangle. Ethan grinned and Xander figured he'd realized what was going on, but Giles looked at him oddly.

“What? The chairs have weird vibes. Hell, the entire Library is weird now, or it was always weird and I didn't realize it. I'm not sure which.” He shrugged and tried to find something for his hands to do. He was so nervous he felt like he could pass out but Xander knew that he had to act as calmly and normally as possible. He pulled over the box of paper clips and started playing with them. It was better than nothing.

There was a shadow and he looked up to find Giles looking at him. “Xander, are you sure that it's not...well, that it's not you that's...”

“Weird? Crazy? No, I pretty much figure that's at least half of it. I just don't know if some of the stuff I'm picking up on now was always there and I'm just able to know it now. Like, well, like that.” He gestured at the middle of the Library floor where the Hellmouth itself swirled oddly. “Giles, I can see the actual Hellmouth. It's swirling like a dark whirlpool and when I walk near it it feels, well, really gross. But did it always look and feel that way or is it something new? I don't know, it's like the lines are blurred in my head.”

He just shrugged. Giles would understand more after his story. Xander only hope that his mentor would still want to help after he found out that Xander was sleeping with the Evil Dead.

The doors opened and Cordelia swept into the room. “All right, can we get this over with? It's Saturday night and, evil vampires or not, I have a date to do some serious flirting at the Bronze tonight.”

Xander grinned at his friend. “Wow, Cordy! Going for the junior dominatrix look, huh? Nice! If I wasn't gay I'd drool all over you!” She was wearing black leather boots with high heels and a red mini-dress. A black leather coat completed the look and she did look slightly dangerous.

“Hey, I figure a girl can't be too careful, especially since Angel's gone all insane. It's not like you and your boy toy are going to be around to screen my dates, so I've got to do something. I even blackmailed my Dad to order me a special crucifix, with a mirror behind it. That way I can check if the hottie I wanna dance with is trying to get in my panties or just wants me for a midnight snack.”

She stood by the table with her hands on her hips before pinning Xander with a stare. “Is there a reason you're not sitting in any of these?”

Xander just shrugged and nodded and Cordelia turn her stare onto Giles. “God, you'll do it anywhere, won't you?! Are all you stuffy British types closet kinks?”

Xander howled in laughter at seeing Giles blush and stutter, and even Ethan's jaw had come slightly unhinged. Finally, Ethan pulled himself together enough to speak. “I can assure you, Miss Chase, that, while we have been rather adventuresome, we aren't quite that bad! Although, I must confess to feeling rather flattered. You'll have to ask Xander why he's avoiding the chairs, however.”

Xander gasped for air so he could answer. “All of them are safe from body fluids, Cor, they just have weird vibes. All of them are safe except the one next to the end. Synder switched it from his office and it has his cooties.”

“Eww.” She used her foot to scoot that one chair away from the table and even Giles looked faintly distressed. He moved the chair to the wall and they both found seats. Now all they had to do was wait for the others.

Xander sighed and started making a paper clip chain. He hated waiting.

*****

“Okay, I've got to start this story a couple of centuries back. Please, don't ask any questions. You'll only confuse me and make it worse. You guys can fire me from a cannon or whatever when I'm done.” Everyone's eyes were on him and he felt like he was having that living nightmare of being naked in front of class again. He looked down and checked, just to make sure, but he was still wearing the blue jeans and black tee-shirt he'd started out in. His paper clip chain had ended up being nearly a yard long and he twisted it in his hands.

Buffy had been the last to arrive and the feelings of grief and depression radiated from her so badly that he had flinched when she came into the room. Willow and Oz had arrived minutes before, softly talking. Willow had looked at him with big eyes and Xander felt guilty because he knew he was going to hurt her by telling the truth, but it had to be done.

“A couple of centuries ago a Master Vamp went looking for the perfect Childe, someone as cold and calculating as he was, since the current Slayer had killed two of his Childer so easily. He found a Madame, who was known for being vicious in businesses as well as in her personal life. She was dying of something, god only knows what, but that didn't matter. And so Darla was born.”

He tried to ignore Buffy's scowl and Giles's look of impatience. He figured Giles thought he knew everything from the Watchers' texts, but he didn't. Spike knew more.

“Fast forward about a hundred and fifty years. Darla had fallen out of favor with the Master for being too independent. She went looking to make her own Childe. She wanted someone who could be as cold as her but had a brutal quality. In 1753 she was in Ireland, and heard rumors of the son of one of the local lords who loved nothing more than to chase the local peasant girls and get into drunken brawls. She figured him to be someone she could control, led by his dick if not by his drink. By the time Darla lured Liam into a back alley, he had already killed three men in fights. And so Angelus was born.”

Buffy visibly flinched, as did Willow, but Oz and Cordelia looked interested, as did Ethan. Giles was now hanging on his every word. It wasn't in the Watchers' books that Angelus had killed while he was human. That was something only Spike would know, but Giles hadn't figured that out. Not yet.

“Twenty-three or so years later, Angelus created his first Childe. I don't know much about Penn,” other than the fact that Spike hated him for being such a high and mighty prick, “Only that, according to my source, he's still out there and just as psychotic as ever.”

Xander took a deep breath. “Next in the vampire family tree is Drusilla, also known as Dru the Mad. Dru had some psychic powers before she met up with Angelus, and he used them against her. Her family thought her crazy and sent her to a convent. Long story short, he tortured everyone she ever loved and she was locked away, wasn't able to stop it, but able to see everything he did with her Sight. By the time he got into the Convent and killed every nun and postulant inside, she was insane. He kept her as a human pet, long enough so that her brain was totally warped. Nowadays we call it Stockholm Syndrome, I guess. When he'd broken her so completely that her entire world centered around him, Angelus turned her.”

Xander took a deep breath. This was hard to tell, and harder still because he knew that some of the things Angelus had done to Dru he'd been doing to him, or trying to. Thank god he had Spike, and while the gang may not totally understand, they believed him. They wouldn't die as easily as Drusilla's sisters had.

At least, he prayed they wouldn't. He couldn't stand to hear Willow's voice in his head, crying for help, begging for death.

“Of course, being someone's obsession is tiring, so after a while he started ignoring Dru. So when she ran into a young man in an alley she decided to create her own Childe, one that would love her as much as she loved her Daddy. And so she created Spike. The four of them became known as the Scourge of Europe.”

Xander took a deep breath and tried to stay still. “You pretty much know the rest of the story. How Darla brought Angelus a gypsy to eat and her family cursed him. And it is a curse; it wasn't meant to give Angel a soul so he could go around saving people, and until he came to Sunnydale that didn't happen.” Xander wanted to say more, about how Angel spent nearly a hundred years lost in self-pity and guilt when he could have done something about it, or how Angel could have done more than just watch as Darla dragged Jesse underground.

But he didn't. Buffy was hurting enough, and that would hurt Willow, too. Besides, he was about to be in bigger trouble. “The Scourge broke up when Angelus got the soul. Well, a year later, actually. During the Boxer Rebellion, when Spike killed his first Slayer. Darla came here, to serve the Master. Spike, who hated both Darla and Angelus with a passion, took charge of Dru and they traveled the world. Until this past Spring, when a mob caught up to them and Drusilla was killed.”

Xander didn't go into any detail and he closed his eyes. He hated talking about this part because it still hurt Spike. And somewhere in the stacks Spike was waiting to make his dramatic entrance. And he was remembering a mob tearing his lover of a hundred plus years apart.

Oddly enough, the others were still quiet. Even Giles and Willow, though he could tell they were dying to ask questions.

“And so Spike came here, looking for Angel, wanting to kill him before walking into the sun. Only he got distracted from that and started building a life of sorts here.”

Xander looked down at the chain of paper clips in his hands. He'd been twisting them and several of the links were mangled now. “You guys know that a couple of weeks ago I started having dreams. Nightmares, really. The night before last I decided to try to do a lucid dreaming thing, to figure out why.” He didn't look at Ethan, not even for a moment. “When I did, well, I dreamed of what would have happened if we hadn't stopped the Judge last night. It really wasn't pretty.”

“Drusilla was there. In my dreams. She's how I got this shiny new psychic power. The same psychic power that drove her nutty, with Angelus's help. I don't know how, but she did it so I could save her Childe. See, Angelus decided he wanted his family back and wasn't taking no for an answer. He'd been torturing Spike. So Dru gave me her gifts so I could find him.”

Giles's face had a look of horror and Xander knew he'd connected all the dots. Buffy looked suspicious, too, but then again she hadn't heard that much about him and his new boyfriend. No, that was Willow, and she was still confused. So was Oz. Ethan was blank and Cordelia...well, Cordy looked like she wanted a big bucket of popcorn and was waiting for the fireworks to start.

Back to Giles, though, who was looking like he was either about to start polishing his glasses till the lenses fell out or turn Xander over his knee and spank him in a not sexy sort of way. “No...you wouldn't...”

“I did, Giles.”

“Xander! What were you thinking?! Spike would kill you as soon as look at you!”

He turned to look at Buffy and he could see how worried she was for him, how scared. “Buff, listen, I knew I was safe.” That was an outright lie, but at the time he hadn't cared if he wasn't. Not that he was going to tell anyone but Spike that. “It's just that, well, Spike's real name, in case you've forgotten, is William.”

“Xander, I don't understand.” Buffy wasn't angry, thank god, just confused. Giles had slumped down in his chair and Ethan was rubbing him on the shoulder and saying something so low that Xander couldn't hear, but he hoped the man was getting Giles ready to accept Spike.

“What he's saying, Slayer, is that Xander and me have been playing grab ass for a while now, and you haven't figured it out. For Christ's sake, how many older Englishmen by the name of William do you people know? You lot are daft.”

Spike, in all his glory, had stepped out from behind the stacks and down the steps and sat on them. He was in his usual outfit of black jeans and shirt and red overshirt and that damn duster that in the far back of his mind Xander compared to Linus's blanket. He was handsome and gorgeous and Xander found himself grinning. At the same time, he rolled his eyes at his lover's rudeness and jumped down off the desk to go and join him on the steps.

“Spike! You could have said something else besides grab ass. I doubt if anyone besides you and me really want to know about our sex life.” He sat down on the step beside his lover and tried to ignore the surprised faces on the majority of the room.

Spike snorted and put an arm around his shoulders. “Not like they haven't thought about it. Well, the Cheerleader Princess has at any rate, I'll bet. That reminds me.” Spike dug in his coat and Xander fought the grin that was wanting to stretch across his face. His lover pulled out a slim case and tossed it onto the table in front of Cordy. “Cheers, ducks, enjoy.”

Cordy didn't even pause to wonder if it was deadly; she opened it up and squealed at the sight of the tennis bracelet inside. “Ooh! Thank you, guys! I'll drive your getaway car any day! It is diamond, right?”

Xander finally allowed himself to smile. “Like we'd give you anything else.”

“Can we get back on track, please?!” Giles sounded more Ripperish and Xander wondered if maybe he should have had Spike bring jewelery for everyone, not that Giles would wear anything like that. “Just why are you telling us now about your...arrangement?”

“Because we all want the same thing. You want Angelus dead, I want Angelus dead. I'd like to torture the bloke for a few days first, maybe shove one of my railroad spikes where it would do the most good, but for the most part we have the same goals. Problem is, you lot have killed off all of the master vampires in our order, 'cept for me and Angelus, and since he's the Master of the Line now I'm supposed to obey him, no matter what.”

“Now, I could just tell him to sod off and take Xander here and run for the hills, but he'd worry about all of you. So, I need to break away from the Aurelius Clan and start my own by declaring a Blood Feud. To do that I need minions to fight against Angelus, but minions are stupid and more of a pain in the arse than they're worth. Plus, it would get Xander's knickers in a twist.”

Spike leaned back on his elbows and grinned. “But if we work together, you lot can be considered my minions, and maybe we can get Angelus before he kills half the town. What do you think?”

Part Thirty-Six

Spike couldn't help the grin on his face. Things were going well. Xander's little friends all knew who he belonged to now, and Xander had willingly come to sit by his side. And while he knew Xander would have something to say about his less than diplomatic way of telling the Slayer that they should team up, Spike knew that his boy would wait till they were alone so they could provide a untied front.

The Watcher took off his glasses and laid them on the table and rubbed his eyes. “And how do we know you're being truthful? You can't just simply expect to walk in here and for us to take you at your word.”

“You could take mine, Giles.”

The Slayer gave a very unladylike snort. “Right. And you've been lying to us for how long, Xander?”

Xander flinched and Spike ran a hand down his lover's back. “Shut your bloody trap. He gave enough clues that you would have figured it out if you didn't have your collective heads up your arses. The cheerleader bint figured it out right off. You lot just didn't care to look too close.”

Cordelia threw up her hand at the looks the others were giving her. “Hey, don't get all pissy with me. You three are the ones who left town all summer. For god's sake, Xander and Bleach Boy over there used to come and play pool at the Bronze. If that isn't being out in the open, I don't know what is. And there were days that if I had to hear one more word about Spike I was going to puke all over my Pradas. “ The girl turned to look at the redhead, Willow. “Xander told you his boyfriend's name, that he was older, English and wasn't nice. If that doesn't describe Spike, I don't know what is. It's not my fault, or Xander's, for that matter, that you people can't connect the dots. And you people think I'm self involved. Sheesh.”

Spike grinned at the girl. “Ta, ducks.” He wouldn't even growl at her at the Bleach Boy comment.

The Slayer came over to stand a couple feet in front of him and Spike could feel her nearness. It was almost like standing too close to a lightning strike and he felt his demon wanting to come to the front. He could tell they were going to dance, but for how long and how seriously? He looked out of the corner of his eye to see Xander biting his lip and looking worried. He'd promised his boy to go easy on his friend but he wasn't going to let himself be staked, either.

Spike tipped up his head and met the Slayer's eyes. “Got something to say, Slayer?”

“Yeah. I'm beginning to wish I'd never given Angel the chance. After all, the Slayer's Handbook says the only good vampire is a dusty one. I may not have read the thing cover to cover but I do know that much. Give me one good reason not to kill you right here and now.”

Spike could feel Xander tense and he was glad that he'd made the boy promise to keep quiet. He knew this would happen; it was inevitable. There had to be a pecking order between him and the Slayer and it was going to take a fight to prove it. He curled his tongue behind his teeth for a moment and looked the small blond powerhouse up and down. “Because, Slayer, the truth is that you need me more than I need you.”

She snorted again and Spike slowly stood up. Xander scrambled to his feet but stayed where he was, thank all the powers. He couldn't do what he had to do if Xander doubted him, if only for a moment. It would give the Slayer and her minions a flaw to exploit to drive a wedge between them. He gave his best devilish grin. “Come on, Slayer, take your best shot.”

She rushed him, and her anger caused her to telegraph nearly every move, so that Spike could almost see what was coming two moves ahead. They moved to the open area of the library, the other humans jumping to their feet and standing uncertainly, the redheaded girl's eyes impossibly large.

Well, they were all on their feet except for Cordelia and the Chaos Mage. They both looked like they had just gotten into a pay-per-view fight for free. Spike had to grin at that, and knew that given the chance he could actually accept those two humans as friends. They both were a bit more immoral than the others; it would be fun seeing just how far he could go with them.

The Slayer either didn't like him grinning during a fight or didn't like that he wasn't giving her his full attention. She sped up her blows and kicks, trying to drive him back, but Spike easily kept pace with her. And for once she wasn't running her mouth and Spike had to force himself not to feel sorry for her.

But part of him did. He, of all beings living and undead, knew how Angelus could fuck with your head, twisting it around. How honeyed words would flow past his lips and you would find yourself believing anything he said.

He shook his head and ducked under one of the Slayer's wild swings, and landed a fairly hard blow to her ribs. He quickly backed away and bounced on his toes. “What's the matter, Slayer. There's no witty banter, no quick come backs. Don't you love me anymore?”

The last was said with a fake leer and batted eyelashes and Spike could hear Xander's chuckle on the other side of the room. Good, that meant the boy knew he was playing.

“Talking while fighting only divides your attention.” This was said as if it was something she had heard over and over and Spike found himself feeling even more sorry for the girl.

“Fuck that. That's Angelus talking through you. He's been working on you, hasn't he? Trying to make you into the perfect pet. Taking away your unique strengths and molding you. He wants you for a pet, you know. It would give him power, to have the current Slayer, naked and chained at his feet.”

Again her anger pushed her into making moves that were too easy to avoid or block, but Spike let her push. It was oddly fitting, that he was helping the Slayer deal with some of her anger at being used and lied to by Angelus.

He blocked yet another right hook to his head and made a mental note to let the Watcher know how predictable the Slayer was if she fought for more than a minute or two. They'd have to do something about that; by now Angelus knew all of her moves and patterns and knew exactly how to stop her. How to break her.

“You know Angelus has planned this for a while, eh? Bet he got himself invited into all of your houses. Had tea with your Mum, let her get to know the nice boy that was dating her daughter.”

“You shut the hell up about my Mother! She put you in place and she can take care of herself!”

The Slayer was all but throwing a temper tantrum and Spike knew he had to twist the knife in her heart a bit more. They all had to know just how far Angelus would go.

“You really think a middle aged woman with a metal ax stopped me? Bloody idiot. I can move faster than the human eye, Slayer. Just how fast would I have had to be to take that ax away from her?” He stopped coddling the girl and really started fighting, kicks and punches and jabs, until she was backed up against the desk.

“You need to go back and remember that night, Slayer. I was just playing with you, testing the waters. Didn't kill your Mum because when I kill a Slayer I want it to be clean kill. I've killed two and they've both had family, the last even had a little nipper following her along and I didn't go for the child. I like the thrill of the fight, and right now, you fucking well can't because Angelus has your head on so backwards that you can't see what's in front of you.”

He finally stopped and the Slayer was winded and leaned against the desk, her eyes bright with tears. He stepped back into the middle of the room. The Watcher's mouth was set in a grim line and he knew he'd gotten most of his message across.

Spike could have killed her. In front of everyone, and there wasn't a thing that anyone could have done to stop him.

Well, anyone but Xander, but he had a feeling the Watcher knew that already. He stuck his hands in the pocket of his duster and thought about lighting a cigarette. A good fight was like a good fuck and you just had to light one up afterwards, but Xander's lungs didn't like them and more and more Spike found himself curbing his habit.

It was a damn fucking shame when a Master Vampire stopped lighting up because he didn't want his human lover to have asthma.

“So. Now that we've proven who has the bigger bollocks, let's get to setting things straight. One, you lot are total fucking idiots to hang about in a public school!”

“Yes, one never knows who might wander in.”

Spike grinned at Ethan. “Too right, all sorts of bad influences could drift in.”

It was kind of good to know that he wasn't the only bad influence on the group of white hats. In fact, he figured he and Ethan would be the group's biggest assets because, like Angelus, they didn't play fair all the time.

“Right, next order of business, show of hands, who's invited Captain Forehead into their house?” There was a series of confused faces, with the exception of Xander, who was chuckling behind his hand. “Hello, Angelus people! Fuck, if you lot are the smart ones, I'd hate to see the stupid.”

There was a series of “heys!” and other protestes and all of a sudden everyone started talking at once. Finally, the Watcher stood up and gestured for silence.

“Quiet! While I may not like Spike, and, Xander, you and I will be having a talk later, young man, he does raise some interesting points. And it is correct that we will have to safeguard out homes. I'm sure Ethan and I can find an uninvite spell, and if it makes you feel better we'll have to do it at our flat, as well. Now, Buffy? Willow?”

The Slayer just nodded, so evidently that meant she needed the spell. Willow raised her hand and stepped forward uncertainly. “He-he was in my room, when Ford was here.”

“Right. Cordelia? Has he been in your house?”

The dark haired girl snorted. “Hey, I may have flirted with him, but nope. He was in my car, though, so maybe you could do a spell on it? I mean, it's a good car. I don't want any icky stains on the leather seats, especially if those stains are from my ripped out throat.”

Before anyone could say anything-- and really, what was there to say about that statement? ­­-- Buffy looked up at Spike through long eyelashes. “You didn't kill Ford, did you?”

“Nope, not me. Stupid bugger came looking for me but I wouldn't have a thing to do with him. Or that lot that liked to dress up like cheap extras out of Fright Nite. Had...other things occupying my time.” He leered in Xander's general direction.

Buffy, however, wasn't taking the bait. “And what, exactly, is a Blood Feud?”

Spike shrugged. “Exactly what it sounds like. I declare myself a Master Vampire in my own right, which I am, and that I'm leaving the Aurelius Clan to form my own. I try to kill Angelus and all his minions and he tries to kill all of mine. That would be you lot. Then again, I know for a fact that he has plans to turn you into a pet for a good long time before finally turning you, and once he learns about Xander having Dru's gifts he's gonna want to twist him the same way he did my Princess.”

He closed his eyes at the thought. He would kill Xander himself before letting his love go through anything half as bad. And then he wouldn't bother getting drunk; he'd just wait for the sun.

He really doubted that there would be any other dark haired angels out there to save him from himself.

“Simple fact is, the bloody bastard is going to be coming after all of us. Now, I could go and kill half the populous to use as cannon fodder, but they'd be stupid as fuck and I'd have to worry about Angelus and you lot coming after me. If we work together, we'd only be fighting two battles, not three. And while you lot aren't an indestructible as even fledges can be, you can actually find your arses without both hands and a flashlight, so it's a win, win situation.”

“He's telling the truth, guys, really. I mean, I know you're all probably pissed at me, and you have good reason, but...well, I can see stuff now, but I every decision we make changes the future so it sort of...flows. Like a river. It's the same river but not the same water all the time. I can see Miss Calendar dead in one, and Buffy vamped, and me and Willow vamped, and Giles dead, his hands twisted horribly, and it's really not fun shit to see. I'd really suggest we all avoid that, but it's hard. If we work together, though, we can maybe stop the worst parts from happening.”

It was the first thing Xander had said in a while. He'd kept his promise to Spike about keeping his yap shut. Spike grinned and held out his hand, the grin getting even wider when Xander took it. He'd have to make sure to reward the boy for being so good.

He stood there and watched as Buffy and Giles had a silent conversation. It was fascinating to watch, really. The girl should have been more broken at her lover's untruthfulness but she was pulling herself up by her bootstraps and trying to do what needed to be done.

Xander's little friend, Willow, was more quiet than he ever expected her to be. Spike winced. He could see the hurt and anger on her face and knew that, no matter what happened, Xander was going to be hurt when the two finally talked, if only due to his own guilt. Spike wished there was something he could do other than be there for his lover, but he figured it a brother/sister thing. At least on Xander's part. Hopefully his boy wouldn't be too torn up, but if he was, well, Spike would be there to pick up the bits of his heart that were broken and put them back together again.

Spike would always be there. Despite how soppy he was getting.

While stuck in his thoughts, the Watcher and Slayer must have come to some agreement. Spike was only slightly startled when Giles stepped into his field of vision and nodded. “We are in agreement. And I sincerely hope you have some sort of plan.”

“Well, we find Angelus's new lair, and we kill him. A lot. Sound peachy to you?”

Part Thirty-Seven

Xander waited nervously in the shadows near Willow's house. Somewhere, in yelling distance, Spike was waiting. Watching to make sure Xander didn't get eaten by anyone but still trying to give him privacy. And Xander was beginning to feel like he'd been run over by a truck. Repeatedly.

He’d survived Giles and his magical Disappointed Glare of Doom(TM), but just barely. Giles had said he was being way too trusting and naive and that Spike was just using him. Xander pointed out that if that was a fact he would have invited Spike into everyone's homes over a month ago and they'd all be dead. Then came the Giles sputter and the conversation about whether Xander was safe living with Spike and why didn't he move in with Giles?

Xander had passed, pointing out that he was now able to touch things and see crap behind his eyes and now he was afraid of Giles's couch. That got Giles to pretty much shut up and promise to have some books ready at noon tomorrow to help him deal with his new powers. The one concession Xander had made was that Giles wanted to see him at least once every two days out in the sunlight, and he could handle that. As it was, Xander was feeling pretty darn lucky Giles didn't demand he strip naked while the older man looked for bite marks because that would have been too creepy for words.

Buffy had left, angry but quiet, without really talking to him. It had been suggested that she tell her Mother the truth and there had been another big discussion, one where he just sort of pointed out how guilty Buffy would feel if she went home and found a note from her Mom saying that that “nice Angel boy” was looking for her. He hated to say it and had felt really guilty, but it was the truth. Angelus would get to them all through their families, given the chance.

So that left the big discussion with Willow, which was so not going to be fun. Willow, with her big eyes looking at him like he'd killed her puppy. It was even worse than when he'd stolen her Barbie when they were kids, and in a way he could understand that but in a way he didn't. After all, he had told her most of the truth, and had even told her he was afraid she wouldn't understand so he was keeping his mouth shut about certain things.

That was the most truth that anyone had got out of him about Spike but still Willow had looked at him like he was an ax murderer or something. Which, in a way, maybe he was. Or married to one. Almost married.

Xander leaned against the wall of the house and seriously considered if Willow's parents would wake up if he started banging his head against it. Because it was an obvious sign that the crazy was creeping up on him when part of his brain was wondering about Spike killing people and the other half wondered: if they were almost married already, shouldn't they go all the way, if only to get to eat the big cake?

Thank god Oz's van pulled up, otherwise he would have imagined himself in some cheesy, comedy-horror movie like I Was A Teenage Bride Of A Vampire or something.

The only reason he was here before Willow was because she'd stopped off to talk to Buffy and make sure she was okay. There had probably been a few tears, some sort of chocolate would be involved and much swearing at the Xan-man.

Still, if he was given the chance he didn't think he'd change any of it, not really. He loved Spike too much to wish they had never met. Well, he would have staked Deadboy before the whole Angelus crap came up, but, yeah, everything else he'd keep. Which meant that now he had to pay the piper and talk to his almost sister, who was pissed as hell at him. Joy.

Xander rolled his eyes as he watched Willow get out of the van to walk to her door. Yeah, he could get that her parents would freak at the new boyfriend type but, still, if he had been a vampire he had plenty of opportunity to jump out of the shadows and kill her during the long walk up her driveway, once Oz's weird looking van pulled away. And this was after the whole lecture on how Angelus would love to torture them.

He had a quick thought about how Spike was right, that some people were so stupid they needed to be taken out of the shallow end of the gene pool, but then he felt guilty because this was Willow and she was probably preoccupied, since he had hurt her.

Instead he stepped out of the darkness, making a lot of noise so as not to scare her. “Hey, Wills.”

“Xander.”

Then came the longest, most uncomfortable silence of his life, and it was really weird considering that, between the two of them, he and Willow could out-talk anyone. He gave in to the urge to rock back and forth on his feet and then finally looked up at his oldest friend. “Wills--”

“No! No, it's not okay. It might not be okay for a while. You lied, Xander.”

“No, not really. I just told you the truth...from a certain point of view.”

Willow made a huffing noise. “Darn it, Xander, this is not Return of the Jedi!! This is real life and real feelings and it's not okay that you're dating one of the evil undead. He has no soul!”

Xander couldn't help but get mad and defensive over that. “So?! He's not out plotting to kill everyone in town either. A soul doesn't mean crap. Angel never did more than follow Buffy around like a lost puppy; he never actively went out on patrol or anything, and Spike has! Okay, yeah, it was with me, but he's taught me how to fight and he killed off all the Master's and the Anointed One's minions and didn't make more. That equals a much safer town, if you ask me!”

“Xander!! He eats people! And not in the sexy way! He goes out and ends someone's life so he can keep living!”

Xander closed his eyes for a moment and hoped that Willow didn't see the momentary flash of pain in them. He still hated it, hated that Spike had to kill, but that was his nature. “Willow, it's more complicated than that. How do you know that vampires aren't Mother Nature's way of making sure there aren't too many humans to populate the world? I mean, all of nature has a series of checks and balances. Too many deer messes up the eco system so there are wolves to keep the population down...”

“Humans aren't deer! We think! We have emotions and people who care about us if we die and it's not right for him to just go and kill them! Why is he so different from every other vamp you kill?!”

Xander physically staggered at that last bit, and then rallied, his own anger starting to surface. “Okay he is different from most vamps!” He was not going to point out that as long as Spike had sex, cigarettes and good cable he wasn't interested in taking over the world. “You don't see Spike putting together his own personal Armageddon jigsaw puzzle, do you?”

Willow held up a hand. “Let's get this straight. I don't understand it, I don't wanna understand it. You have gross emotional problems, and things are not okay between us. But what's happening right now is more important than that. Getting Angel's soul back is our first priority. You being a big liar and a necrophiliac comes after.”

“Okay, eww! Spike isn't dead, he's just...mostly dead. And I didn't lie, not really. And why do we want to get Angel's soul back? I thought we decided to kill the bastard.”

“It's just something Buffy and I were talking about. I mean, if the gypsies gave him a soul once, Miss Calendar should be able to do it again, and we'll be checking that out first thing in the morning. Right now, I just want to go to bed and wake up and hope that this whole…thing with you and Spike has just been a nightmare. Now, goodnight.”

Willow pushed past him and went into the house and Xander wasn't sure if he should be sorry about it or just angry she got the last word. He grit his teeth and kicked at the dirt in frustration.

“You okay, pet?” Spike appeared from wherever it was he'd been lurking and Xander had to bite his tongue to keep from screaming 'do I look okay to you?'. It wasn't Spike's fault he was in a bad mood; there was no reason to take it out on him.

“No, not really. I just thought, well, that she'd at least hear me out. Or something. That we could talk.”
Spike actually growled. “Gotta say, pet, I don't like the idea of trying to re-mojo Angelus. 'S not like that really worked before and it just seems...unnatural. And ‘m not saying that just because I'm evil.”

Xander sighed and reached for Spike's hand, just wanting to connect. “I know it seems unfair to the person Angel was before Darla and everyone he's going to kill while they play at spells. Besides, it wasn't like he was useful with the soul.” He stopped suddenly in the middle of the road, and Spike bumped into him. “Damn it! I mean to warn her and Oz again. I keep on getting this weird vision of a wolf chasing a red rabbit around a really ugly couch when I'm near them. How am I going to tell them, though, if Willow's mad at me and Oz...well, he's not that bad but I don't know if he's up to talking to me and withstanding a Willow-pout.”

Spiked squeezed his hand reassuringly and started pulling him along by his arm. “Call the Watcher, pet. That way, you're covered and he can deal with their pissy attitude.”

“She's not being pissy, she's just hurt and confused. I would be too. Hell, I was when I found out that Buffy was drooling over Angel. I was just as bad. And okay, in a way I was right but I wasn't. I mean, it's not Buffy's fault the gypsies have a really weird idea of what breaks a curse. But yeah, I was just as bad about Angel so I really don't have any grounds to cry abuse. I was just, I dunno, hoping Wills would listen first.”

“Give her some time, pet, she'll come around. Maybe she's about to get her time of the month or something.”

“Ewwww! Gross! Spike! I SO don't want to think about that. Gag. She's like, my sister and I really don't want to know that much about her body functions, okay? So if your vamp nose figures that out, let me remind you that ignorance really is bliss in this case.”

Spike actually snickered and it made Xander grin, even though he was tired, because Spike didn't snicker that often. Xander really hoped his new psychic abilities could be fine tuned so the day that his lover broke out in giggles he could have five or six bugs attached to hidden recorders because he'd just love the blackmail material.

Xander sighed. “Really, this whole thing could have gone worse. I'm upset that Wills isn't even listening but she will after she's had a chance to calm down. Of course, she's going to be giving you the eagle eye every time she's near you, so please try not to growl at her too much.”

“”M not gonna have a bloody tea party with her, Xan; been there, done that and you're not getting to see the stupid t-shirt. And since I love you, soppy git that I am, I won't even pull out her spleen and shove it up her nose.”

He grinned. That was about as complimentary as Spike was going to get right now. Xander knew his lover and knew that Spike was more pissed about Willow's attitude towards Xander than he himself was. It was cute. Not that he'd ever tell Spike that.

“Thanks, Spike. Just knowing you won't tear out my almost sister's internal organs gives me a warm and happy feeling inside.”

“Wanker.”

“Hey! Don't put down my most excellent hand job skills. I studied for years, all by myself, to get those up to A+ level. I should get a medal for my hand jobs.”

Spike laughed and pulled him close and, despite his worry, Xander was able to relax into his lover's arms. “Tell you what, Xan, we'll go home, you can show me how talented you are and maybe if you're a good enough I'll get you a big trophy. We'll call it the Golden Nob Polisher or some such.”

Xander tried not to laugh; Spike just did not need the encouragement. He was afraid if he pushed he'd come home to find a bronzed dildo or some other toy waiting for him. Then he wouldn't have to worry about Angelus because he would already have died of embarrassment.

“Whatever, let's just go home.”

*****

Xander walked into the library and considered pulling over one of the giant bookshelves on top of him. For the most part things were okay at school but then there were days where he just wanted to quit and try that whole self-educating thing. Reading books and looking stuff up on the computer may not be as good as going to class but, then again, he wouldn't have to deal with Mr. Lilly's idiocy in American History.

It was a sad day when your British boyfriend knew more about America's history than the American teacher. And okay, so Spike had the advantage by being around for the past 120 years or so, but it wasn't like he hung out in the ‘States all that time.

Then he went to see if he could go talk to the girls during lunch, and he even had brought the good chocolate. But he had overheard them talking and Willow comment that his new phone number was 1-800-I'm-Dating-The-Evil-Undead and he had turned right around and made his way quickly and quietly to the library so he could eat his chocolate all by himself. He wasn't up to sharing good Godiva's with snarky people today.

Which was why he'd left Cordy with her court before lunch anyhow, and it was so odd that he kinda fit in with them better than he did with Buffy and Willow. Of course, it helped that the Cordettes were all sucking up at wind tunnel levels of suck. Apparently Cordy had bragged that she got her diamonds by being a good fag-hag and now Harmony wanted to do a make over with him.

It was scary and surreal and, if his new crazy vision hadn't have told him she was actually being as honest as Harmony could be, he would have been checking for signs of a pod. Or possession.

Xander sighed and popped open the box of chocolates and took two for himself before stowing them away in his backpack and grabbing one of his new books. Giles had piled him high with big names like Casey and Burton and the history of ESP and long, boring books on meditation.

Spike, on the other hand, had taken him down to the local magic shop once it was dark enough and had bought him every how-to book on the subject, from Psychic Vampires to Psychic Development for Beginners and The Complete Idiot's Guide to Being Psychic. He'd also bought Xander crystals, bundles of sage and cedar, books on astrology, numerology and a few more ologies Xander still wasn't sure about. There was a special dream catcher ordered, with amethyst and onyx, quartz pendulums, dowsing rods and three different tarot decks and even more books.

When he had told Giles the next day the man had sputtered and Xander got the feeling that he was surprised that Spike knew that much about the issue. Xander had pointed out that Spike had lived with a psychic for over 100 years, so he figured his lover knew the basics.

He was still working on reading his first book: Psychic Development for Beginners. It wasn't as hokey as he thought it would be, and he had found some pretty good information in the first ten pages so he was slowly but surely going through the entire thing and attempting the exercises. There had been a line at the front, about how everyone has a choice to use psychic abilities if they wanted to, and that made him feel less of a crazy freak. He had chosen to open the box in his dream, and now he just had to figure out how to use his new powers.

And how not to use them, because once he could kinda see into Mr. Lilly's head Xander had figured out that not only was he an idiot but he was a perv as well.

He had skipped a few of the chapters, right to Chapter Five and psychic shields. Of course, he had to “go to his basic psychic level” first but Xander got the feeling his brain had taken up residence there full time so he didn't worry about it too much.

He checked and made sure no one was in the library before sitting cross legged on the check out desk. Xander always felt like a total idiot doing these exercises but they did help so he tried to control his breathing and visualized a bright light surrounding his body. “This light will repel all negative energies from programming my mind. This protective psychic shield will be with me always from now on. From now on I will be...”

“Xander? What on earth are you doing?”

“GAH!” Xander's eyes opened and he jumped and nearly fell off his perch. “Gods, Giles! Do not scare the crazy person! Didn't they teach you crap like that in Watcher's School or were you playing hooky that day?”

Giles gave him that look that was half exasperation and half fondness, his glasses in the pocket of his coat. “Pardon me, Xander, I didn't mean to walk into my own library.”

“Ooh! Someone didn't have time for a nooner during lunchtime!”

“That bloody git, Snyder, kept talking to me for nearly ten minutes and...how did you know I was going home for lunch?”

Xander grinned and jumped down from where he was sitting. “Hello? Psychic, remember? Do I need to get business cards to hand out or something? Besides, I've noticed you've been going home for lunch a lot lately and having a much sunnier attitude when you get back and that equals lunchtime nookie.”

“Yes, well....you know, those books that Spike got for you aren't of the highest quality.”

Xander shrugged and bookmarked his page before stuffing his book back into his bag. “Yeah, well, I have yours too. I'm working my way up from the short and easy to read ones up to the giant tomes. I'm sorry, I know Burton coined the term E.S.P. but I giggle every time I look at it ‘cause me and Jesse used to love watching that syndicated show, The Sentinel, that they dragged one of his books out for. And now that I'm older and can tell that Jim and Blair are so very gay.”

“Xander...”

“What!! See, this is why I'm starting with the simple stuff. Even without the shiny new powers I have a short attention span.”

The bell rang, but Xander's next period was his study hall in the library so he didn't have to rush to get anywhere, which was just as well. He'd been tardy more times than he could count since becoming psychic, mainly because he couldn't stand to touch anyone and ended up in the corner of one of the halls until most of the students were in class. Despite the whole whirlpool of evil, the Library was becoming one of his safest places to be.

Giles adjusted his glasses and tie, ready to be Librarian Man should any student come through the doors. “Perhaps some of the meditation techniques I've suggested will help with your focus. You could practice one of those instead of that...drivel.”

“Giles! I suck at meditation! My brain is too loud and it's always talking. You, of all people, should know this.”

“I quite understand, Xander, but you still must work on it. As it is, we're lucky that Angelus has not tried anything the past few days.”

Xander groaned and restrained himself from beating Giles over the head with one of his books. “You just had to do it, didn't you, Giles? You had to go and jinx us.”

Giles huffed and went to do librarian type things. “Don't be preposterous, Xander. How could that possibly “jinx” anyone?”

Xander could hear the quotes around Giles's words and groaned again. He tried to keep his brain from reaching out for all the possibilities that the Fates might decide to smack them with but a few of the really scary ones slipped through. He walked to the back of the stacks to sneak a call to Spike on his new cell phone. “Just remember, G-man, when all hell breaks loose I get to say I told you so!”

Part Thirty-Eight

Spike lit a cigarette and turned on the telly to watch a little late night crap for a while. Normally he'd go out and terrorize the town once Xander was asleep, but the boy had been having nightmares and Spike still hadn't received an answer to his challenge to Angelus. He really didn't want to leave Xander until his nightmares stopped, at least.

Which meant he spent a lot of time watching really bad telly or reading some of the books he'd gotten Xander. The books weren't that bad but Spike had plans to find the git in LA who started those bloody stupid Geico commercials and rip out his upper intestines through his nose. They were really annoying.

Xander hadn't asked how he had issued his challenge. Both the Watcher and Slayer had but Xander acted like he didn't want to know. And maybe he really didn't; that whole ignorance thing had worked well for their relationship so far. Xander knew he fed, knew that Spike had slipped out of the house as soon as he had drunk enough pig and cow's blood to be able to heal enough to walk that night he'd been rescued. But Xander never asked who he killed or what he did.

It was a comfort in a way because, while Spike had started feeding from the low-lifes of humanity in case he was ever asked, he really didn't think Xander was ready to hear how he'd found a few tough guys down at the docks running a crap game and had not only come away fully healed and with a full belly but enough cash to buy the Cheerleader her sparkles.

And Xander probably didn't want to know how Spike had found one of Angelus's fledges to send his message. Vampires can live through an amazing amount of torture. He'd taken the highest of the Irish Bastard's boot lickers that he could find, carved a nice note telling Angelus where he could stick his Master of the Order crap on the skin of his chest, doused it in holy water so it wouldn't heal too fast, cut off his arms and legs and then rolled him down to Angelus's new lair and rung the buzzer.

He hadn't stuck around to see the results, but he bet it had been spectacular. Still, he doubted he would get any points from the Slayer for not using a human, and all the little kiddies would find it “icky”. Just thinking about it made his eyes roll. This was why he could never figure out why the bloody Council had little girls doing their fucking job for them; so many things could be considered icky by teenaged girls.

There was a knock at the door and Spike swore in every language he knew when he saw who it was. And Xander made fun of the Watcher for tempting fate. “Do you know what bloody time it is?”

“Some time after one am, I think. The clock in my car is one of the few things still working. And don't even pretend you were sleeping, Bleach Boy. It’s way too early for all evil little vampires to be in bed.”

“What the fuck happened to your car and why did you drive it here?” Spike knew that tone of voice had terrified his minions before but the dark haired girl in front of him just pushed her way into his living room. He'd be angry if he wasn't so damned amused by it.

“What happened to my car is that while I was entertaining a date we suddenly were involved with a real life version of a Howling movie, and not the really stupid one with the marsupial werewolves!”

“Keep your fucking voice down! Xan's asleep!” Spike hissed and his true face slipped into view for a moment but Cordelia just rolled her eyes at him. She did lower her voice, though, which was a good thing. He'd hate to break the arm of one of Xander's friends.

“Excuse me for being freaked out at nearly becoming the werewolf equivalent of a deluxe can of Alpo! I was attacked by a fucking werewolf! And my jackass of a date ran off when I couldn't get the car to start! I don't know if he got away alive or not, because the furball took off after him and did I mention it was a werewolf?”

The bird's voice was getting sharper and loud again and Spike wondered just what she wanted him to do about it. As he moved into the kitchen to put on the kettle for tea, he realized that this was most likely why most vamps just made their lovers into their Childer as soon as possible, so they could kill off any friends and not have to be bothered at odd hours of the night.

“Got the werewolf bit, 'm not stupid. Didn't bite you, did he?”

“No, and can I say thank god?! I don't think there's enough electrolysis in the world to get unfuzzy from that. And I can't help but hope Andy got away too, if only because I want to be the one to kill him. I can't believe he just ran off and left me there!”

As he poured a cup of tea it was on the tip of Spike's tongue to ask the girl again just why the hell she came here, when he remembered Xander saying something about the only difference between Cordelia's parents and his was the fact that hers could afford to buy her off. “Cowardly git. Tell you what, ducks, you find him and I'll rip a body part off, eh?”

Before she could say anything, though, Spike's ears heard Xander's heart begin to race in the other room. He stood up and made his way to the bedroom but before he got there Xander had started screaming. He pressed his lips together and totally ignored the cheerleader as she started asking questions.

He opened the door and was on the bed and had gathered up Xander in his arms before she even made it down the hallway. “Xan, Xan-luv, wake up. It's just a nightmare, pet, wake up for me now. Xander!”

Suddenly Xander gasped and sat up straight in bed. “NOO! Stop! Please, don't hurt her! NOOOOOOOOO!!!”

Spike pulled Xander back into his arms. He really thought he'd left his habit of waking someone out of screaming nightmares behind. “Ssh, ssh, luv. It's okay. What did you see, Xan?”

Xander was gasping now, and crying great big fat tears and Spike hated it because there was nothing he could do to help other than to hold his lover. “Angelus! He was...she was blond, long hair...I couldn't really see her face but what I saw was all...mangled. He was taking strips off her hide, like peeling an orange, and she was screaming but you couldn't really hear it 'cause she had already screamed so damn much she was hoarse.”

Xander turned and burrowed into Spike's arms, hiding his face. “It was just awful, Spike! I mean, I get the whole vampire, enjoy human’s death thing but it was like he was purposely pushing the images at me. Bastard.”

“Xander? Do you know if it was a dream or a vision?”

“I—it was a vision, definitely. It's happening now, I think. It felt like now. Oh, god! Buffy! Spike, call Giles and see if he can find out if Buffy is home!”

Spike opened his mouth to argue because he didn't want Xander to be alone but a voice from the doorway spoke up. “I'll call, Xander. Don’t worry.”

Spike smiled to himself. He'd forgotten that the girl was even there, to tell the truth, but right now he was glad she had butted in.

“Why's Cordy here?”

“Dunno, all I've gotten is talk of werewolves and her bitching about her bad taste in men. Think you can lay back down and get to sleep?”

“You'll stay with me, right?”

“Git. Like I've left you yet.”

Xander smiled and allowed himself to be tucked back in bed and Spike sat up against the headboard so that Xander could use his chest as a pillow. “Spike, do you...what will we do if that was Buffy?”

“Doubt it is, pet. You talked to her today, right? If he'd just grabbed her tonight he would have played with her a bit longer. No, whoever it was, Angelus was just having a bit of fun with dinner. Now shut your eyes and try to go back to sleep, Xan. If the Slayer's missing I'll wake you up.”

Spike believed what he was saying but he still listened in while the girl was trying to get the Watcher on the phone in the other room. He didn't want to be lying unintentionally.

*****

“And you're sure it was a werewolf?” Xander watched as Buffy jumped down from looking at the hole in the top of Cordy's car. She was still overly quiet but he had never been so damn happy to see her. The image of what he had seen the night before had caused uneasy sleep for the rest of the night.

“Don't be a moron, Buffy. Claws, a big old snout in the middle of his face like a wolf. If it walks like a werewolf and howls like a werewolf, it's a werewolf.” Cordelia gave a sniff that seemed totally false to Xander, proving she actually had a sense of humor. “It was so awful. Daddy just had the car detailed.”

Xander put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a pat. “There, there.”

Giles brought out a newspaper he'd had rolled up and spread it out on the car's hood. Buffy came up to around him to look at it at the same time. “So, what's the word?”

“Well, it seems there were a number of other attacks by a wild dog around town. Several animal carcasses were found mutilated.”

Willow squinched up her nose. “You mean like bunnies and kitties and stuff? No! Don't tell me.”

She looked at Oz and he put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Oh, don't worry. I mean, they might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves.”

Cordy made a choking noise under her breath and Xander elbowed her. She was right, though. That was overly sappy and, considering the dreams he'd been having, it didn't look good for the rabbit.

Willow just smiled goofily at Oz. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Even Giles looked like he was going to get a cavity from all the sweetness. “Yes, uh, um, fortunately, no people were injured.”

Buffy put her hands on her hips. “That falls into the 'that's a switch' column.”

Giles nodded. “Yes, true, but I doubt if that will continue. Traditionally there are three nights of the full moon, and last night was the first. Tonight is the total full moon, therefore, we have two more nights to be on the look out.”

He turned and walked into the side door that was closest to the library and they all followed. Thanks to Cordy's late night call, they were all at school early so the halls were mostly empty.

Xander shoved his hands into his pockets and tried to remember everything he knew about werewolves. “G-man, is there any way we can tell if a human has been wolfed? You know, other than watching for some guy to squat at a fire hydrant or chase the mailman?”

Giles sighed. “Not really. There are legends that there are tell-tale signs: a person would have two fingers on the same hand be equal in length, or the person afflicted would have a—a unibrow.”

Cordy snorted. “That's not a sign of werewolves as much as bad grooming.”

“Yes, well, since Xander has been seeing a wolf, especially around Willow and Oz, I think it would be best if they were to stay safely locked indoors...”

They walked through the doors to the library and stopped dead. Xander groaned and closed his eyes. He had seen this once already and he didn't need to see it again, but he opened his eyes to look at his friends. Willow gasped and clung to Oz, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. Cordy screamed, and it wasn't one of the girly ones but a sound of anger and sadness. Buffy stood shell shocked and Giles stepped forward to confirm what they all knew.

Giles sighed sadly and he looked older than Xander had ever seen him as he closed Harmony's eyes as she lay dead on the main table of the library. She was barely recognizable, her face and body cut horribly, the remaining skin gray in death.

There was a note attached to her chest, and Xander could read the large printing even from by the door. It's unnatural for a vampire and a Slayer to work together so I thought you could use a little Harmony. You shouldn't have gone to Spike for help, lover. I don't like sharing. See you real soon, and say hi to your Mother for me. Love, Angel.”

*****

“I want him dead. But I want to hurt him a whole lot first. I want to learn to use those Japanese wooden stick things so I can use them like a giant set of nutcrackers and squeeze his balls until they burst. I want his eyeballs poked out! And then I want to kill him slowly!!”

Xander had his arm around Cordelia but otherwise let her rant. It wasn't like he disagreed with anything she was saying. Well, other than wanting to cross his legs real tight on the ball cracking part. But yeah, he wanted Angelus dead too. Really badly.

They were all at Giles's apartment. Flat. Whatever. Well, all of them except Spike but Spike was out trawling the tunnels trying to get information, any kind of information. And killing all sorts of things, probably. Xander made a mental note to shower when he got home. Even though Spike knew he'd been comforting Cordy in a friends-only type way, he didn't want to get his lover all pissed by having her scent on him too much, and Cordy pretty much hadn't let go of him since that morning.

Harmony may have been a shallow idiot, but she'd been Cordelia's shallow idiot. And a sort of friend. Xander kinda felt the same way; she'd been Jack to their Will and Grace and Angel really needed to pay.

“I still say we need to talk to Ms. Calendar. I mean, her people put the soul in Angel, right?”

Buffy shook her head. “Her uncle might have helped but Angelus killed him.”

Xander fought inwardly against showing how relieved he was. Cordy, on the other hand, was on the rampage. “Hello!! Okay, I get the whole different degrees of evil thing, but Angelus is out to kill every one of us! We need to get with the program, people, instead of letting Spike do most of our fighting for us! I've watched The Untouchables! We've got to up our attack or else we're going to end up mutilated or lap vamps for the damn bastard and if I'm going to be vamped I'm going to be a master vampire, damn it!”

Ethan nodded at that. “Hopefully, Spike will find some useful bit of information. I have a few contacts, but unfortunately most are too cowardly to become involved in a battle such as this. There isn't a clear winner between Angelus and us and they won't choose sides until there is one so they may say they didn't fight against the winner.”

Xander shrugged. “Can't say as I blame them. I guess...well, I could try to see something, I guess. If I was able to get ahold of anything that belonged to Angelus. Angelus, not Angel.”

“NO!” Giles and Ethan had both shaken their heads but, surprisingly, it was Cordelia who protested the loudest. “Xander, you didn't hear yourself last night. You were screaming something awful; even after you got back to sleep you were, well, talking about what was happening. It was like you were trapped. I swear to god, I thought Spike was going to implode, he was so worried. You're not going to try to get into Angelus's head; it isn't a good idea.”

Xander could feel the blood leaving his face. He hadn't realized that. He looked over at Giles and Ethan, who both nodded. “I'm afraid until you're better trained it really is inadvisable to try anything like that, Xander. From what Ripper told me about the note Angelus left, I am unsure as to whether or not Angelus knows about your new talents, but the longer we keep him in the dark, so to speak, the better off we will be.”

“So what do we do?” Willow sounded small and Xander wanted to hug her too but, while she'd been less angry towards him, she still wasn't comfortable.

Giles sat down the tea cup he'd been fiddling with. “Well, for tonight, Buffy and I will tackle the werewolf problem. Willow and Oz, I think it would be advisable if you were to stay indoors, considering Xander's premonitions. Ethan will meet with his contacts, and Cordelia can go with Spike and Xander on patrol. If—if you feel like it, that is.”

Cordy nodded. “Believe me, I feel like it. I may not be up to Buffy's level of ass kicking but I still want to try out my skills at self defense and take some of Angelus's cronies out.” She turned to Xander. “Think Spike will teach me to fight dirty? Like, bar fighting?”

Xander chuckled, while everyone else either groaned or looked frightened. “Sure. You know he's always said you'd make a good dominatrix or a master vampire.”

Giles, Buffy and Willow all looked like they'd swallowed a bug but Ethan was trying to hide his snickering.

Cordy shook off his arm, picked up her purse and headed for the door. “Come on, if I'm going to do this I'll need the right accessories. There must be a place that sells sharp, pointy objects somewhere in this town.”

Part Thirty-Nine

Spike lit a cigarette, his lighter flaming in the dark for a moment, and the human in front of him gasped. He had to grin. From what the Watcher had said, this human thought he was the Great White Hunter and tougher than nails. “So, hear you’re Cain. Funny thing, you out to hunt weres and all. There are myths that the very first werewolf was Cain; it was his curse for killing his brother. Then again, they say the same thing about vamps too, so what do those wankers know?”

A gun was pointed at him and it was all Spike could do not to laugh out loud. “Who are you, one of that little girl's friends? Guess she decided she needed to send a man in, after all.”

“You know, if I liked the Slayer better I'd say something in her defense. As it is, I'll just point out that you should be glad not to meet the Cheerleader. She'd make you eat your balls. I'm just here to tell you that we've got wolfie penned up for the night so you might as well forget collecting his skin.”

“Who the hell are you? The Chairman of the Ethical Treatment of Werewolves?”

“Name's Spike. Was admiring your van. Got lots of neat toys in there, don't ya?” Spike acted like he was peering through the darkness but he could see just fine. This moron wouldn't know a supernatural creature if it came along and bit him on the arse.

“As I told the little lady last night, I have the gun so I'll be the one asking questions.”

Spike rolled his eyes. For once he agreed with the Slayer. This guy was just too fucking annoying. “Whatever, mate. Thanks for volunteering to be dinner.” He slapped the gun out of the git's hand and grabbed him, ignoring the various kicks the human was aiming at his legs. The guy was good but it seems as if he'd been too dependent on his toys and Spike was easily able to knock him halfway unconscious and then go for his throat.

Cain was old and tasted awful but Spike never turned down human blood. Still, Spike always got a charge out of drinking down someone while they were fighting and, while the man had mostly been incapacitated, he still had a little wriggling left in him.

Once Spike drained him he let the body drop and rifled through its pockets. The Watcher had been kind enough to warn him about this git earlier tonight when they'd met at his flat. That was right before Red's boy decided to go all wolfy. He had been hard pressed to keep the mutt contained while the Watcher and his mage dug up restraints and Xander had whispered to Cordelia and the Slayer about how he didn't want to know that much more about his Father Figure's sex life.

He'd almost lost his grip trying not to laugh at the look on the Watcher's face.

So now he was taking care of the hunter. He wondered if the Watcher knew he had intended to kill him. No matter, his opinion didn't count. Xander had looked at him and looked away so he figured his lover knew what would happen. Spike picked up the body and unlocked the van and dumped the dead weight in the back before getting into the driver's seat. He'd get rid of the body somewhere out of town and see if he could trade off the van and its contents for some reliable information on Angelus's latest lair. Xander still had some explosives, dear boy that he was, and Spike wanted a go with them.

Spike made a mental note to get Xander something special for that trick. You just had to love a man who, in the middle of worrying for his lover and going slightly insane, still remembered to steal high grade explosives.

*****

“Xander!! You cheated!!”

Sharp fingers poked him in the shoulder and Xander winced. “Ow!! Damn, Buffy! Psychic, not Slayer. You break me, you'll have to explain to Spike.”

“Ewww! And don't try to evade the question. You cheated on that test!”

Xander shrugged but on the inside he was grinning. Slowly but surely Buffy was starting to act like Buffy again. “I did not!! I just—can't help it if Stephanie Brown sat in my chair before me. She always passes her math tests; she's a math geek. I can't help it if my ass was picking up her vibes.”

“It's still not fair. Hey, where's Cordy?”

Xander slowed down and tried to make sure Buffy was in between him and the other students in the hallway. “She's at home. Harmony's funeral is this afternoon and she's doing girl stuff. Trying to find a hat with a veil or something, I don't know. She's really freaked out.” Xander shrugged. Harmony hadn’t been the best of people but she had been Cordy's friend for a long time.

Buffy got quiet again and Xander grabbed her by her purse strap and pulled her into an alcove. “What about you, Buff? Are you going to be okay?”

She sat down and it was as if all the energy had left her. “I really don't know, Xander. I'm just so angry and confused. The way Miss Calendar says it, Angel lost his soul when we—when we had sex. But you said that it was when I said ‘I love you’ and really meant it. I just…I don't know! I know he was acting a little different but Angel said it was because he loved me. He wanted me to spend more time with him. It got so it felt like, well, like he was my only friend. I mean, you were off with Cordy or, now that I know about it, Spike, and Willow was either talking about you or school. It was like he was the only one I had.”

Xander sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He should have watched more after school specials on spousal abuse or something. “Well, it's true, I was busy. Buff, you gotta know that I've always tried to make time for you. It’s just that you were so angry when you found out I was gay. I just couldn't tell you, or Willow, about Spike because I didn't think you'd understand. I mean, I'm here. And you have my cell phone number. I did call you a couple of times and left a message with your Mom but now I'm wondering if Angelus threw them away or something.”

“I—I really don't know. I got one or two but, well, it's like I wasn't all there or something. All I cared about was Angel.”

Xander knew he was smirking. “Nothing new there, Buff. Hate to say it, but that was you last year, too.”

“Oh!! Like you think of anything other than Spike!”

He grinned and sheepishly rubbed at the back of his head. “Well, not all the time. Just most of the time I'm thinking of Spike. Or something in relation to Spike.”

“You are being careful, aren't you?”

Xander blushed and wondered if he could hide behind the little sofa they were sitting on. “Jeeze, Buff!! What's with the sudden caring? I am so not talking about my sex life and protection with you!”

“God, Xander!!” There was a sudden sting on his shoulder and Xander realized he'd been smacked. “If guys are such horn dogs, it's amazing gay couples even make it out of the house. I don't mean that kind of being careful, you moron! I mean with the sex and the not letting him bite.”

If possible, Xander felt himself blushing even more. He could sense worry and concern coming from Buffy and, after the last few months of the Buffy-pod, that was nice. Problem was, he could also sense her curiosity and Xander just didn't want to know. Or ask. Or anything about this conversation. He opened his mouth once or twice.

“Xander?”

“We haven't had sex yet. I mean, sex sex.” There was no way he was going to say full anal penetration. Not to Buffy. Or to anyone else. “He's—we're—God!! Buffy! If you want to kill me, why don't you just break my neck instead of trying to kill me with embarrassment?!!”

For the first time since Angelus had popped out, he heard an honest to god laugh coming out of Buffy's mouth. “You—your face! God!”

“So very glad my sex life can provide you with amusement. For your information, Spike was just waiting on me to be all ready and stuff. Actually, if you really want to know, I was thinking it would be romantic to pounce on him on Valentine's Day. I mean, Dru never did remember what day it was, much less holidays, so it might be nice if someone gave him a present for once.”

By this time Buffy had sobered up a bit. “Don't you worry, especially with your new Jedi tricks? I mean, wouldn't you worry that you're just a replacement for Drusilla?”

Xander shook his head. “Nope. For one thing, now I can touch him and feel what he feels about me. It's pretty fucking cool. But even before that I didn't because, while Dru and I may look sort of alike and have all of our other similarities, we're really very different.” He leaned forward and frowned at her for a moment. “But, Buffy, I don't know what happened when you...well, you know. But biting is part of, well, being with a vampire so when that happens, as long as I'm out in the sun, don't get all stake happy, okay? Did...”

Xander didn't want to bring up Angel, or what she did with Angelus. For one thing, he really didn't want to know; ignorance is bliss was becoming his favorite saying. He didn't want to hurt her, either.

“No. He...well, we didn't do that. But...”

“You wondered?”

“Yeah.”

Xander sat back. There really wasn't anything for him to say. “So, do you think Willow will be okay with me and Spike, or at least to the level of not thinking about it that you're at?” Xander wasn't fooled. Buffy still wasn't happy; she just wasn't going to say anything. He could deal with that.

“To tell the truth, Xander, I really don't know. Some of it…well, it's my fault, I guess. I really thought you and Willow belonged together and she just loved you so much. So she's hurt, and there are all sorts of other things going on. I think she just needs time.”

Xander sighed and tried not to let his disappointment show. “Yeah, I guess. Plus she just got a boyfriend of her own and Oz turns out to be a werewolf. That's gotta throw you.” He looked at the clock. The last period of school was about to start but he was skipping. “I gotta run. I've got to pick up a suit and I promised to take Cordy to Harmony's funeral. You going to come?”

“No. It would be too weird. I'd feel all guilty and apologize to her parents and then have to explain why. Xander, do you know if she'll-- I mean, will I have to take care of her?”

Xander sighed and closed his eyes. He couldn't really tell anything but he'd already had part of this conversation with Spike. “See, the problem is, even if she was a vamp, it was Angelus that vamped her. She'd be totally loyal to him in a way, depending on how he turned her. Minions are pretty damn stupid.” He opened one eye to see if Buffy was going to make any comments about Harmony being stupid before getting killed but she was quiet. “He said that he'd take care of it, though, so you don't have to worry about staking any more of your “school chums”. Sometimes I think British people make up half of the words they use.”

“O-kay. I guess that's a good thing, then. I'd thank Spike but I'm sure it's one of the signs of the apocalypse if a vampire and a Slayer ever get along so I'll leave it up to you to thank him. Valentine's Day, huh? I promise to ignore any limping and/or body punctures for at least a week but if it's still happening after that then we're going to have another embarrassing conversation. Got it?”

Xander blushed again. “Damn it, Buffy! You're driving out all thoughts of sex out of my head. I'm seventeen; do you know how hard that is to do? I've got to go. I've got a funeral to get to.”

They both stood up and Xander tried to ignore the fact that Buffy was giggling at him. Still, it was better than her being all broody. Or trying to kill his boyfriend. She put a hand on his shoulder. “Don't worry about Willow too much, okay? She'll come around.”

“Thanks, Buffy. So...we're okay?”

“For now. Mostly. I still have issues with you dating a serial killer but everyone has their kinks. Ask me again once we deal with Angelus, okay?”

Xander gave a smile but his heart wasn't in it. He could see Buffy totally flipping out once they killed Angelus and going after Spike. But it was enough to know that, for now, they were okay. “Thanks, Buff. Really.”

Part Forty

Xander stood and watched as Cordelia talked to Harmony's parents. He felt like a fifth wheel, coming to this. He hadn't really liked Harmony all that much but she had been a good friend to Cordy and he was her friend. So he'd put on some dress slacks and a suit jacket that he'd borrowed from Giles and was doing his best to be supportive.

He was glad he'd come, in a way. There weren't that many people there. Aura, Kate, a few of the other Cordettes and some football players. Mostly, though, he didn't see that many other people would miss her.

He was surprised at who he did see, though. Now that the short graveside service was over he made his way around small clusters of people, keeping an eye out for Cordy all the while. “Hey, Ethan. I didn't know you knew Harmony.”

“Sadly, I did not know the young lady in question. However, I do feel a certain kinship with Miss Chase and felt the need to support her. She seems quite emotional about her friend's death.”

Xander shoved his hands in his pockets. “She is. They've been friends for years. And Cordy kind of considered Harmony as hers, in a way. She’s allowed to totally rip the life out of her friends and inner circle but no one else had better.”

Ethan laughed quietly and Xander had to grin. He realized he really hadn't had that much of a chance to talk to Ethan one on one. “Hey, you okay, Ethan? I mean, other than the mortal terror we're facing in case Angelus ever decides to track us down and remove our soft tissues?”

Ethan raised one eyebrow and Xander had to stifle a sudden shot of jealousy. He'd always wanted to be able to do that. Maybe it was a British thing. “Other than that, you say? Well, I must confess I find your little town rather...boring. When I'm not afraid for my life, that is. I find myself lacking anything useful to do while Ripper is off at your wondrous place of learning.”

“You could always open an antique store. Sell people things they secretly want. Need. Needful Things.” Xander grinned and Ethan let out a bark of laughter before stifling it, while the mourners glared.

“I'm not sure if I should be appalled at your choice of reading material or flattered that you just compared me to Lucifer himself. Nice dig, my boy.”

Xander nodded. “Thank you, thank you. I've always wondered if there's a Hellmouth in Maine. No one who hasn't been scarred by the supernatural could come up with all that kind of stuff.” He looked over at Cordelia, wanting to make sure she was okay, and she was. Well, mostly. He was worried. Then again, he had reason to be.

Xander turned back to Ethan and thought about it for a moment. “Huh. Guess there isn't much for the magically inclined to do other than take over the Hellmouth, which would land you on the couch. Isn't there some sort of, I don't know, minor chaos you could do that Giles would approve of?”

Ethan sighed and gave him a disappointed look. “My dear Xander, you're missing the point. If Ripper approves of my spells then I've done something terribly wrong. The object is to be just evil enough to be punished properly.”

By the end of his speech Ethan had a sly grin and Xander felt himself flushing. And the girls thought Spike was a bad influence. “So...how about a sudden change in the conversation? Please? Before my brain explodes?”

Ethan laughed again, and went to clap him on the back and Xander couldn't help the flinch. The only two people he was really comfortable with touching were Spike, for obvious reasons, and Cordelia. Xander figured Cordy pretty much always said what she thought and shared over half those thoughts anyhow so, despite the acid content in her brain, it wasn't a very scary place for him.

After a while he might be just as easy around Ethan but he wasn't sure. There was still a swirl of chaos around him that made Xander nervous when he looked at him too long. Sort of like looking directly at an eclipse, you'd burn a layer of your eyeballs off.

“Still feeling a bit...unsettled with your new gifts, eh?”

“Yeah. Sorry about that. Touching just opens me up to too much stuff. Spike's been trying to talk me into getting gloves. I might use them when I'm around, well, you guys. Wearing them at school would make me look too much like a freaky Michael Jackon sort of thing, only with two gloves instead of one.”

Ethan gave him an odd look. “Are the books not helping? I know something about basic shielding and cleaning one's aura that I could tutor you on, if you'd like.”

Xander nodded. “That would be really great, thanks. Books are good but I've always liked show and tell better. To tell the truth, I've kinda got bored with the books for a bit. I can only cram so much information in my head at one time before I get confused.” He laughed. “I did rent that Stephen King movies with Christopher Walken, though, Dead Zone. No, I'm okay with the shielding. Meditation sucks for me, but Spike suggested I try to do it while moving, like swimming or something. I just can't sit still and get my brain to shut the hell up. My biggest problem is, well…” he glanced over his shoulder to make sure Cordy wasn't nearby and lowered his voice. “When I picked Cordy up I got a hit of something. I can't even remember what I touched but it's something kind of big. But I don't know if I should tell her or not.”

Ethan gave him a sympathetic look. “Is it something that will hurt her?”

“Yeah. I don't want to go into it but it's pretty big. It will affect her entire future, but from what little I saw maybe that's a good thing.” Images of an evil, pregnant Cordy were just...urgh. Way too icky for words.

And the image of a still Cordelia lying in a church was even worse.

Ethan sighed. “Contrary to what most adults would have you believe, we do not have all the answers. I wouldn't worry about what might happen ten years along the line, Xander, that can be changed simply by Cordelia crossing the street for a shoe sale. But if it's something that can be immediately changed for the better, I would say something. Well, if I were you. If it had the potential to be only mildly dangerous but amusing, I'd simply watch. Which reminds me, I owe you thanks for the amusing display you and your paramour have been putting on.”

Ethan smirked and Xander blushed and stammered. “You're—welcome. I, uh, guess.” He wasn't sure if the other man meant when everyone found out about them...or when they'd been making out the other night while Cordelia was playing with her new weapons. Cordy trying out a set of nunchaku was a very scary sight and he'd needed all the loving reassurance he could get.

Who was he kidding? Any excuse to mack on Spike was a good excuse.

“Xander?” Cordelia came up and touched him on the arm, making Xander glad that he had finished talking about her. She wore a short black dress and low heels and looked, well, kind of classy. “Oh, hi, Ethan.”

“Miss Chase. Just here to give you a bit of support.”

“Thank you. It's just...weird. I mean, I know Harmony wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box but you'd think there would be more people here. Her extended family, at least. As it is, just her Mom and Dad are here.”

Xander looked at where the mourners were making their way back to the car. It was true, there weren't that many people in attendance. And to tell the truth, if it hadn't been for Cordy, Xander might not have gone either. It was a sad end to such a short life.

“I think this town has become rather callous when it comes to funerals, Miss Chase. I supposed it must get tiring to have to dust off their Sunday Finest every week.”

“That's right, Cordy. And, well, the Cordettes were here. That's your core group.” But Aura and the others had left quickly, not even stopping to talk to Harmony's parents. Xander felt a pang of sadness, both for Harmony's short life and for Cordy, who really wasn't that much different from her. Well, that would change. Cordy had been a good friend to him and Spike so he would make sure she would be okay.

He looked at her and saw where her mascara had started to run and she had blotted her tears so as not to mess up her face. She looked older than she should without that anger that had been fueling her for the past few days. Xander put an arm around her waist and gave Ethan a look. “Come on, Cordy, Ethan and I will take you for some ice cream or something before I take you home. You need more calories if you're going to be training with Buffy or Spike; you're way too thin.”

Cordy laughed but it was brittle sounding. “God, you are such a bad liar.”

Ethan started walking on her other side. “He is, isn't he? We'll have to give lessons.”

Xander smiled to himself. Cordy would be okay, he just knew it. But he decided to wait until after she'd had a lot of chocolate to tell her about his vision.

Being told he'd seen her working in retail would piss Cordy off to no end.

*****

Spike walked through the cemetery, trying to scent if any of the fledges buried under the ground were ready to rise. Angelus had been quiet, with the exception of killing Xander’s and the cheerleader's little friend. Well, quiet in Sunnydale, at least. He'd heard a few rumors about LA but had been unwilling to leave Xander to track them down. He'd said as much to the Watcher and the man had agreed, which had been more than a bit unnerving.

He and the Slayer were on patrol tonight and Spike was on edge. He just knew the little chit was trying to work up the nerve to say something. There were sighs and a few times he'd seen her open her mouth to say something, only to close it again. Made her look like a soddin' goldfish.

“Whatever it is you're gonna say you might as well say it, Slayer. I may not be getting any older but you are.”

Buffy sighed and for a moment Spike felt a bit of sympathy for her. She was young, and since she was the Slayer it was doubtful she'd get any older. He had a feeling this Slayer had already gone over her shelf life. Six months to a year was usual.

Then there was the total mind fuck that Angelus had given her. Still, he didn't feel like putting up with any questions about his relationship with Xander.

“Okay, Bleach Boy, it's like this...Xander is, well, planning something. And I don't want to give away the surprise. But in the time honored tradition of best friends everywhere, I feel it is my duty to threaten your life. The fact that you are an evil vampire and I make it my business to kill your kind only makes it a little more violent than most warnings.”

Spike growled and shifted to his true face, but it was mainly to hide his laughter. This slip of a girl was so damn amusing sometimes. It would truly be a sad day when she finally died.

Not that he wouldn't rip out her throat if she came between him and Xander or gave his Xander any problems. Well, after Angelus was dead, of course.

“Little girl, if I had wanted to hurt Xander I would have done it a long time ago. Whose arms do you think he ran to when you and Red gave him such a hard time about being bent? And where the fuck do you think he’s been living since his bloody parents gave him the boot? In a bloody cardboard box?”

The Slayer's eyes went wide for a moment and then narrowed at him. Spike didn't let her intimidate him; she was just a bit of fluff and he already had two notches on his belt. If it wasn't for Xander he would have gone three months ago. “Didn't know that, did you? Neither did Red, so you can't just blame the fact that you both didn't notice that your friend was living with the evil vamp because you had your head up Angelus's arse.”

Spike was not going to point out that the Watcher knew that Xander was living with him. Well, William, actually. He also wasn't going to say a damned thing about the git who donated sperm to the dumb bint that bore Xander. The less the Slayer thought about Xander's parents the better, in his book.

“Yeah, well, I have to live with that, me and my Ben and Jerry's. I just want you to know that if I ever, ever see one bruise that he didn't want, one mark that Xander didn't allow you to put on his body, I will hunt you down and, Angelus or no Angelus, I will kill you. I'll look up how to really make it hurt in Giles's books. I'll make it last.”

Spike looked at her for a moment and then let his demonic face drop. “I've got to hand it to you, Slayer, you're a bit of all right! I'll let you live, mainly because Xander likes you and you actually give a shit about him. If I ever hurt him, well, I'll even sit still for a day to give you a fair chance. Not that I am going to hurt him, mind. I know it's hard for you to understand but I actually...”

He didn't want to admit to loving Xander to his enemy, but this wasn't his enemy right now. This was one of Xander's good friends. Xander would have said one of his best but Spike rather thought that the Cheerleader should have that slot. She knew more about Xander than the other two. Still...

Spike sighed. “Look, I'd rather pull out one of your internal organs through the small orifice of your choice than admit this, but I actually love the little git, alright? Think I'd put up with half his shit if I didn't love him?”

Buffy stopped looking quite so vicious—it wasn't a good look on her anyway, rather like a rabid poodle-- and Spike could see curiosity in her eyes. “What? Those new vision thingies he gets now? Because, yeah, that would be weird if I knew my boyfriend knew what I was thinking.”

Spike snorted. “Not that. After over a hundred years with Dru I'm used to nightmares, visions, bloody well talking to the trees or the fire hydrant on the corner. What have you. No, he makes me watch the damned fucking sci-fi channel! Do you know how many hours of Twilight Zone I had to sit through? I like my violence without any sodding morals!”

The Slayer laughed and Spike just stomped off into the night. Still, his mission had been accomplished. She’d gotten to threaten him and live through it, which would make Xander happy.

And the Slayer thought he wasn't nearly as vicious as he could be. Always an added advantage.

Still, Spike had to wonder what the boy had planned for Valentine's. He bet it was something special.

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