ANGEL WITH A BROKEN WING

A MALE BOX FANTASY BY PEN WIZARD

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Our hearts were connected...

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I sat staring out the window, aimlessly looking at the flowers and trees moving softly in the cool winter breeze. My mind wandered as I watched the array of colors flowing back and forth in the breeze. A flurry of movement in the background captured my attention. There, to my amazement, was the most wondrous sight I have ever beheld. A blonde haired picture of beauty with wings was fluttering around in circles, trying to fly, but impaired by what appeared to be a broken wing. I watch fixated as she tried to fly, over and over and over again only to fall over. Her frustration was apparent. My attraction to this angel was immense. Such beauty. Both inner beauty and outer beauty. I shook my head, wondering to myself if it was just a daydream. I again looked at the spot where the angel had been and to my surprise she was still there trying to fly. I had to go to her. Putting on some warmer clothes, I headed outside into the cold winter air and made a beeline for the position in the woods where I saw the angel. She was still there! I moved closer and paused, watching her as she struggled. I quickly became enraptured by her, feeling long dead emotions rise within me.

Staying perfectly still I watched her for some time before moving closer and watching some more. I was no more than eight feet away when suddenly she stopped fluttering and looked directly at me. As she looked at me I could see the pain and frustration of her injury. I could almost feel it! But there was more to her than the pain and frustration. I could feel that too! Her extended gaze in my direction made me feel incredible. It was like I felt loved and extremely important all at once. Her lips began to move and my heart skipped a beat as I became mesmerized by their beauty. I almost did not hear the words she spoke. "Hello Gareth." Her voice was beautiful, sexy, wonderful and hearing her say my name sent waves of passion coursing through my body.

I cannot say I believe in love at first sight but if there is such a thing I was feeling it right now. She was perfect in every way except for the broken wing, and I was fast falling in love with her. "How did you know my name?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me. "Because I am your angel Diane" She replied. Such a beautiful name for such a beautiful angel, I thought silently to myself.

She attempted to flutter again but fell over on her face. I rushed to her side, eager to help her up and eager to see what I could do to help her with her broken wing.

Lifting her up to her feet and brushing the dirt off her clothes I looked her in the eye and asked, "What happened to your wing, Diane?" She looked at me, tears welling in her eyes and said, "I just seem to keep having a rough trot. No sooner does it start to heal when something else happens to me."

Diane's words cut deep into my heart. Looking into her eyes I could see the pain there like a mirror of my own pain. I could feel her struggle to fly, her frustration, but more than anything I could see the potential there. A little bit of love and a little bit of caring and her wing would heal and she could fly again.

I quickly realized that, even though she was my angel, my true purpose in life was to bring love and healing to her. I could think of nothing I wanted more than to see her wing healed and her capable of soaring with the angels where she belongs. Secretly I hoped that when she could fly she would want to stay with me forever. I was in love!

Taking Diane by the hand I led her to my home, took her inside and made her comfortable before binding up her broken wing. "It will take some time to heal," I said. "These kinds of breaks usually take a while."

She looked at me and pouted. It was the most appealing pout I had ever seen. "For seven years I have been trying to fly again. I have almost resigned myself to never flying again."

Her words made me cry. It hurt me to think she could give up on herself. I silently made a promise to myself. No matter what happened to her I would never give up on her. I would love her forever unconditionally. Over the months ahead I noticed that her wing started to mend. The time absolutely flew as we talked and had fun together. It was like we had known each other forever. Like we were meant for each other. I was hopelessly and unashamedly in love with her. Our hearts were connected by and inexplicable link. When she was sad I could feel it. I shared her every emotion.

I did not know how or why, I only knew that I loved her so very dearly, that she had become my reason for existence, my raison d'etre. We talked for hours and hours, happily sharing our time together. Sharing our hopes and dreams, realizing that we were meant for each other. We loved each other truly, madly, and deeply. The more time we spent together the more time we wanted to spend together. I wrapped the broken wing in all the love I could muster and smiled secretly to myself as I saw its healing influence. Her wing was healing and soon she would be ready to fly again. The thought made me both happy and sad at the same time. I wanted so much to see her fly that the thought made me very happy. At the same time I realized that she may fly away and that I may never see her again. That really made me sad. The thought of losing her out of my life brought a pain with it so intense I started to cry. How could I go on? Would she still want me when her wing was healed? Was my love strong enough to hold her? A faint glimmer of hope started to grow as I thought about her love for me. It was real! I went to sleep with her on my mind. My mind was swimming in thoughts of her and what life would be like with her there all the time. I awoke abruptly at 3.13am. Something was wrong! I could feel it but had no idea what it was. All I knew was that it had something to do with Diane. "You are imagining things," I told myself. "Wasn’t everything okay when you went to sleep?" I forced myself uneasily to try to get some more sleep. But sleep never came. Just an uneasy feeling that something was wrong with Diane. At 6am I could lay there no longer. I had to get up and see if Diane had left me a message. My unease turned to pain as I discovered the note she had left for me. Leave me alone, it said. I read her note over and over, the pain and frustration had become too much for her. She had had another accident and her wing was damaged again. She realized how much I wanted to see her fly and did not want to burden me with the disappointment of her new injury.

"Where do you look for an Angel when she disappears?" I asked myself. I wandered around aimlessly looking for her, visiting places we had been before and leaving messages around for her. I was hoping, praying she would come back to me.

I had to find her. I had to explain to her that it was her I loved and cared about and not some image of her with her wing healed and flying around.

I loved her with my entire being and my whole heart. I had grown to needing her in my life. My every thought and my every motivation was aimed towards her. Towards helping her, loving her and having her in my life. Sure I wanted to see her healed, but she was the priority, not her being healthy and whole.

"Doesn’t she realize that the most important thing to me is how she is feeling at any given moment and not how she could be?" I asked myself. Despair settled around me. How could I explain it to someone who I couldn’t even find?

My thoughts roamed to self-criticism. Why didn’t I make sure Diane knew while she was there? Was I so self centered that I forgot to tell her how important she is to me? Was my love so inadequate that it just was not enough? Tears welled up in my eyes. I had failed the one person I loved. The tears lasted for days. Failure was not new to me. I had failed many times in the past and all the pent up emotions came flooding to my mind. Oh the depths of desperation in the heart of man! The dark side of my character crowded my mind, destroying all light. Depression hit me. I was at the bottom again! Not a new place to me either but a place I did not want to be. Ever!

The only way out of here was to be successful, to be tenacious, and to never ever give up on Diane. Thoughts of Diane brought back memories of her love for me. Her love is real!

No matter how misguided her actions, Diane left because she loved me, and because she did not want to hurt or disappoint me. She loves me! Hope started to rise up within me. She moves me! The tears were flowing again. Tears of happiness.

Sadness still lurked there too. Her actions were misguided even though her motivation was love. I loved her, regardless of what happens to her. Doesn’t she realize that? How can I convince her that she can tell me everything and I wont just judge her and criticize her? One thing she needs to know for sure is that I am in for the long haul. I will never give up!

Diane reappeared in my life just as abruptly as she left. Things had got too much for her, she told me. So much was happening that I did not know about. How could I? She had not told me.

She apologized to me for being so secretive and told me about all her trials and tribulations. My love for her just grew. She was starting to let me into her life and I loved her all the more as I got to know her better.

I looked at the wing again. It was broken all right, but not as bad as it had been. I again bound it in love and watched as it started to heal again.

Things sailed smoothly for a while. We talked and talked with each other. We planned our Christmas celebrations together for January, talked about the future and our undying love for each other. I was so happy again. I hoped she realized that she made me the happiest person alive. That there could be no substitute for her. Not ever! I had made my choice for better or worse. I could not and would not ever fail her. No matter what happened in the future or wherever she went. I would be there loving her and binding her wounds in love.

It was not long before Diane disappeared again. I could feel her pain again. It was a deep lingering pain. "Doesn’t she know I feel her pain yet?" I asked myself.

A couple of days went by of sheer agony for me, then Diane sent me a note saying she had severely broken her wing again and that it would interfere with our plans so she was going to let me go instead of continuing to disappoint me. It was like a knife passed through my heart. She didn’t know! She didn’t realize! Depression descended like a neutron bomb and exploded in my mind. Could I go on? I had totally invested my life into my Angel and it was not enough. Life was no longer worth living. This was the lowest point in my life.

I stopped eating. I could not face food. I stopped communicating with others and just lay staring into space. My heart and soul was totally empty without Diane in them. I had failed her again. I failed to make sure she understood my unconditional love and caring for her. Thoughts of Diane flooded my mind again. The times we shared and the love we shared. "Could that have been a dream?" I asked myself. Something stirred within my heart. It was a little voice talking to me from deep inside. "Diane loves you! That was why she had done what she has done". Hope again rekindled within me. Where there is love there is hope and Diane and I love each other. She will always be my Angel with a Broken Wing. My love will always be there to help her heal. We will always love each other and love will always bring us back to each other.

I would like to tell you that Diane is flying around today, but this story is far from over. All I know is that I love her and that she loves me. That is all that matters. Whatever happens to her or me, wherever she goes, I will be there with her. Our hearts joined as one. Whether we walk, crawl or fly we will do it together.

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