I
t's morning again, too damned early as usual. I do the things I do every morning, shower, dress, eat, go to school... it could be any day. Except for the police still crawling all over the auditorium and the yellow crime scene tape cordoning off the area. And the rumors flying around becoming increasingly wilder, about how Cara died and how it was a devil worship cult thing. I try to keep my head down and stay focused on school, that's unusual in itself. I don't see Spencer or Gabriel today - also unusual - and it makes me wonder what the hell they are doing. I find an empty corner table at lunch and drag out my books. I have a presentation due on cultural affairs tomorrow and I have barely scratched the surface. I am to portray Jackie Kennedy Onassis. So far I think she was an empty headed twit, but Mom promised to help me dress for the occasion and I am looking forward to seeing what she comes up with. I scan one magazine article after another, looking for anything the woman did of great importance. Somehow redecorating the White House doesn't rank up there with redesigning the health care system.
"Do you mind if I sit here?" A quiet male voice cuts across the din of the lunchroom. I wave assent, so focused on my studying I don't bother to look at him. "That's an interesting lunch you have there." He says after a moment, speaking of my package of half-eaten Ho Ho's and diet coke. I grunt an affirmative, still without paying attention, though something is pulling at me now. I chose the back corner deliberately, intending to spend lunch studying and I am not sure what he is doing here. Plus, I'm just not the type of person to draw attention like that. And then there is the voice... something in the voice, an odd note, and the shade of a rare emotion, something... I glance up and lose my breath. Beautiful doesn't even describe him. Exquisite comes closer and yet it still misses the mark. His hair is an unusual shade of sable, somewhere between a deep black and a dark auburn, and practically gleams with good health under the sick glow of the fluorescent lights. His olive skinned features, evenly spaced and well proportioned, are nearly perfect and his dark, jade green eyes regard me with such undisguised hope I shift in my seat. Then he smiles and I swallow hard.
"Hi!" "Hi." I smile back weakly, Jackie long forgotten. "I'm new here." His voice rumbles low and smooth, backed with more power and self-assurance than I am used to and so full of longing it makes me ache. But longing for what? "Really? Where are you from?" I have no idea what I am asking, words have utterly lost meaning. "A long way from here," he chuckles. "I'm not interrupting, am I?" I shake my head automatically, shoving my books to the side, and hold out my hand. "I'm Sabine MacKenzie." He looks at my hand with a strange blankness then reaches out and lifts it to his lips. I shiver as he feathers a soft kiss across my wrist. "Lovely. You have a lovely name." He observes in a husky tone, his breath warm on my skin. "Thank you." I gasp, unable to draw in enough air. "I've been watching you for a time now and I was wondering, " I feel that weird sensation I always get when Gabriel is approaching and I swear under my breath. Not now Gabe. But it has to be now, of course. The stranger looks up and around, then releases my hand and stands abruptly. "I have to go, I'm sorry. I'll catch up with you later." I blink as he heads for the door and realize I have no idea who he is. "Wait! Why, what's your name?" I shout after him. "Dante." He calls back with a negligent wave.
I settle back onto the bench, feeling shell shocked and overwhelmed while Gabriel sweeps by me, casting a malevolent look in my direction. Yeah whatever. I rub my finger over the back of my wrist gingerly, feeling a throbbing burn beneath the skin, though nothing painful, just terribly present. Dante... The rest of the day passes in a blur. After the final bell rings, I make my way to the same room I occupied yesterday to finish the alterations as streams of students flow toward the exit. It does not take long to finish and I place the final stitch and tie the thread off with extreme satisfaction. I do hope our leading lady doesn't lose any more weight. She's bulimic and it is anyone's guess what she will look like on opening night. I'm exhausted just keeping up with her weight swings. It could be worse though, I suppose. She could be dead and then I'd be faced with having to refit the costume completely. I wince at the thought and send a silent apology winging it's way heavenward. I don't need any more misfortune this week. I open my notebook and run through my list of things to do before our play starts next week. I'm in good shape, I decide. Only a few more things yet to do... I will have to locate another costume source though because the auditorium will likely be off limits yet next week. I stare out the window, nibbling on the pencil eraser, lost in thought.
"Sabine." Spencer's low, conciliating voice makes my heart leap and my stomach sink. He still has the power to make my knees weak, damn it. Much as I hate to admit it, Gabriel's comment about hormonal troubles may have more merit than I thought. First Dante, now Spencer... or was it first Spencer, then Dante, now Spencer? I bite back a semi-hysterical laugh. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't scream bloody murder and tell the police everything I know." I spit out, leaping out of my chair and moving to put it between us. My heart thuds painfully hard against my ribs in response to the river of adrenaline flooding through my body and I take short, shallow breaths. He cocks his head, allowing a sardonic smile to touch his lips. "I can think of a number of them." "I suggest you start listing them, then." I open my mouth to scream but he steps inside and closes the door behind him without haste. "Well, let's see. I could probably kill you before anyone made it in to help you, that's a pretty good reason." He offers in a soft, silky tone, then pauses, gauging my reaction. I'm not amused but he laughs again and shrugs. "How about the fact that you don't really believe I killed Cara? If you really believe it, then you would have already gone to the police. Is that one good reason?" He takes another step closer to me, shaking his head sadly when I take an involuntary step backward. With a grace I envy, he turns a folding chair around backwards and straddles it, resting his sharp chin on stacked fists across the seat back.
I watch him, considering his reason and I realize that it's true. I don't think he's guilty, but I do think he knows more than he is saying. "All right," I concede. "What do you know about it then?" "What makes you think I know anything?" His attempt at playing the ingénue surprises a laugh from me. "Oh come on. You haven't done innocent since we were kids. I know you too well to buy that." "Hey, I'm an actor," he protests, laughing. "Give me a break!" "Not about this. Tell me, Spencer." I say, abruptly serious. "I have a lot I need to talk about with you." He says, matching my tone in gravity. "I need to clarify some things and I can't have you walking off in the middle." This can be nothing but a discussion about us, and it is one I sincerely do not want to have. And yet there are too many things going on for me to continue to indulge in childish fits. I cross my arms over my chest, settling one hip on the edge of the windowsill, and try to brace myself. "Fine I promise to hear you out." His brows arch at my terse reply but what more does he want from me? He bites his upper lip with endearing uncertainty and begins to speak in a low, steady voice. "Last spring, well, I want you to know that what happened last spring had nothing to do with you. It's just that me and… Umm... that Gabe and I have sort of been seeing each other for the past several months." He stands up, quick and restless, thrusts one hand through his already mussed hair, then jams his both hands into his pockets. I stare at him, stupid with shock, grappling with the sudden, violent adjustment to my universe. If I had any expectation of what he might have been going to say, that he and Gabriel were a couple would not have even made it to the list. Is it possible? I've never seen a hint that either one them were interested in men in spite of the fact that they are together all the time. Color high, Spencer flashes me an uncertain glance but I have no idea what to say.
"I know it's kind of a shock and all..." A harsh, choked laugh escapes from my constricted throat. Oh yeah, it's definitely a surprise. They have managed to keep this quiet for five months? I narrow my eyes, thinking back across that span of time, looking for clues I missed because that particular pairing wasn't even on my radarscope. Were there hot glances, stray touches, slipped words that might have alerted me had I been paying attention? I shake my head slowly as I sift through the memories. Nothing springs to mind - nothing unusual anyway. Gabriel is always slinging an arm around Spencer's shoulders or playing little flirtatious games with him - has always done that for as long as I've known them and then it hits me. My eyes close for a brief moment in silent recognition of a truth so basic my own blindness embarrasses me. "Oh my God." I manage, wrapping my arms tighter around my waist. "You - I - How long?" "A while." He does not pretend to misunderstand. "Almost since we met." I nod. I knew that, or rather I know that now. Intense, debilitating jealousy rocks my body and I tremble from the force of it. Gabriel Navarre strikes again. "Oh." Is it better or worse to know that he doesn't want me because I don't have the right equipment? I'm not sure. The only clarity available to me now is that once again, Gabriel has stolen something from me, infinitely more precious than a diary or story, though whether that something is Spencer himself or the possibility that he might one day love me is unclear.
"We'd been fooling around together for years." He says with a shrug. "Just messing around though, nothing serious. Then a couple days before you dropped back into my life, we did get serious and decided to give it a go." He slants another unsettled glance at me. "So, it's not that I'm not attracted to you or that I'm not interested... it's just that I wanted this to work." Past tense. I ponder the significance of his verb choice for a moment, still struggling with the revelation. His explanation is all well and good but it leaves huge, gaping holes in the story. I try to relax my tense muscles to no good effect, sensing a throbbing headache gathering at the base of my skull. "So if you wanted this to work so badly then why kiss me? Better yet, why meet up with Cara for a centre stage screw?" I ask. My voice is horribly stiff, but I really can't help it.
His jaw is set and I know he's hurt, was expecting a better reaction from me. He undoubtedly thinks I have some sort of problem with him and Gabe together. Well, I do, just not the one he thinks I have. I don't care much about sexual orientation as a general rule, only when it has such a direct impact on me. His expression shifts, his face hardens, his eyes become remote. "I'd rather wait until Gabriel is around to talk about Cara." "That's convenient." I observe with dry bitterness. I'm being a complete bitch about this and I know it. Helpless, I watch him retreat farther behind the cynical mask he wears for the world at large, only just realizing how very vulnerable he had been and how unbelievably selfish I am. The ache in my chest intensifies. God damn it Sabine, pull yourself together! I close my eyes and take a deep, shaky breath. "I'm sorry, Spencer. It really was a pretty big shock, you know." I attempt a smile. "I'm happy for you." His lips twist into a wry smile. "Yeah, sure." Okay, he's right. I'm not happy for him, I resent Gabriel and the whole thing makes me want to scream and cry, but I don't want him to know that. "Whatever. So what happens now? You two move in together and set up house?" He laughs. "Oh no, not that. What happens next is we go to college." The care he has taken to strip his voice of any betraying emotion tells me more than I want to know. I haven't any idea how Gabriel feels, but this is the real thing for Spencer, he is in love. The knowledge slices me open like a razor, exposing raw nerves. Until now, it was all too easy to harbor the niggling hope that it was nothing more than experimenting. I could scarcely envision Gabriel being ready to settle down with anyone, though, and it appears I am right.
"I go to North Western and Gabe goes to the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque." "Oh." Terrific, now I'm reduced to one word responses. In spite of my pain, compassion swells in my throat, so much tenderness I feel I might burst with it although I haven't any idea how to respond. I try anyway. "Spencer, " He holds up one hand to stave off my words and shakes his head. "No, don't say anything, please. I just wanted you to know that it wasn't personal. If I hadn't just gotten together with Gabriel, you wouldn't have been safe. Besides, you deserve more than to get involved with me when we're headed off to college soon anyway." He reaches out, stroking his finger gently down my cheek and smiles. The warmth in his grin lightens the grim seriousness in his dark eyes and my stomach flips over. Don't do this to me... I can't bear it. I falter out a weak smile for him, trying to suppress the shudder his touch draws from me. His eyes flare with a strange intensity and impale me with mesmerizing force. "Sabine." He whispers sliding his whole hand across my cheek to bury his fingers in my hair. I go with my instinctive reaction and lean into the caress, allowing my head rest in his hand. I shouldn't, I know I should allow myself this luxury, but I do. Just now, just this once. It's all I'm ever likely to have with him, after all.
He inhales sharply. A muttered curse, a soft, tortured groan, fire searing down my exposed throat and I shiver over and over, lost to the sensations cascading through me. He wraps his arms around my body, hauling me as close as physically possible, and his teeth simultaneously sharp and gentle on my neck. I clutch at his shirt, grabbing for some solidity in the heaving quicksand my world has become. I want this; want him so much I'm drowning in want... I shift closer, arching my body full length against him, trying so hard to forget. But I can't. I can't forget. Not even when his hands slide under my shirt, burning my naked flesh or when his knee slides between my thighs and he grinds his hips into mine. A hoarse groan slips from my throat and I gather all my self-control. "Gabriel." I whisper to remind us both. "Gabriel... Please, don't, Spencer."
He jerks back as if he's been doused in ice, as well he should. He swears with quiet ferocity, still holding me in a loose embrace. A strange tremor quivers down my spine and I open my eyes, half expecting to see Gabriel standing in the doorway looking betrayed. Instead, my gaze is drawn to the window and fastens on a dark figure leaning on the tree just outside, watching us without expression. It's Dante there is no doubt. In spite of only having seen him once, the details of his face are etched deep in my mind. I suck in a sharp, distressed breath and stumble when Spencer releases me with shocking alacrity. "God, Sabine, I'm so sorry!" He groans, rubbing both hands over his face. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
My eyes are locked on Dante. I can't move, can't look away, can scarcely draw a breath. His gaze bores into me, hot and demanding. What? What do you want from me? Tension spirals higher and higher inside my body, winding my muscles into knots. I ache to scream with frustration, to demand he tell me what he needs from me, and how to stop this unbearable agony. Tears pool and begin to drip down my cheeks, wholly unbidden as the knotted fibres begin to cramp and spasm. I feel like one huge charley horse from my scalp to my toes but I still cannot move.
I take one tiny sip of air, the most I am capable of at the moment, but it is not enough to allow me to give voice to my pain. Wracked by guilt, Spencer is lost in his own world and has no idea what is happening to me. For that matter, neither do I. The wind riffles Dante's shoulder length hair, whipping several strands across his grim face. He lifts his hand to brush them out of his eyes, then nods and smiles at me. The spasms ease and my body goes completely limp. I gasp, dragging in huge lungs full of air over and over, bent over at the waist as I try to regain some composure. Before I quite have it again, I feel Gabriel's signature energy washing over me and I groan. Bloody hell... I glance out the window again but Dante is gone. A shudder passes through me; what was that all about?
I don't have much time to contemplate. Gabriel knocks and opens the door without waiting to be invited. "Well? What did she say?" He asks with puppy like eagerness. "I didn't ask her." Spencer says, stiff and formal. "I told her we would discuss it all together." Gabriel rolls his eyes in disgust and regards me with sharp speculation. "All right, if you insist. Shall we take this elsewhere?" Spencer tenses but helps me pack up my things. I don't even protest. "This is really a stupid idea, Gabe. We can't ask her to get involved in this." "We don't have much choice, ace, now do we?" Gabriel snaps back. "It wasn't my idea, was it?"
"There must be another way... there must be." "Fine. You find it and I'll be glad to consider it."
I let them argue back and forth as we walk slowly down the deserted hallway, allowing the words to flow without meaning around me. I feel... possessed, branded somehow. My limbs are shaky and weak from the strain and my heart is still throbbing hard against my ribs. Spencer and Gabriel drag me along after them with no notion of the maelstrom raging within. "I'll drive her." Spencer announces as we reach the parking lot. Gabriel shrugs, his hazel eyes hard and glittering. "Suit yourself." Struck by the note of bitterness in his voice, I glance up at him. What is this? "We could all go together, unless you want more time alone with her."
Gabriel snipes. Spencer, God help him, flushes and fumbles with the car door. Gabriel's lips compress into a tight line. "Excuse us, Sabine." He murmurs, manners and courtesy well ingrained. He snags Spencer's arm and drags him away from the car.
I lean against the still locked door, grateful for its support, and wonder what this is all about. It is a vague, unformed curiosity, though, without any urgency to it. I watch their animated faces as they argue, a pang of longing piercing my bruised heart. God, they do look good together, in spite of the anger twisting the beloved features. Spencer stands a head taller than Gabriel, his body slim and angular to Gabe's shorter, fuller, more muscular build. Gabe's longish, golden blond hair whips in the wind while Spencer's silky black hair is cropped short. Spencer's jaw tightens and he shakes his head with vigor. Gabriel uses broad, sweeping gestures and, as if suddenly losing patience, he reaches up and pulls Spencer's head down to claim the mulish mouth. I suck in a sharp breath as my stomach practices back flips. Well, Sabine, is it real yet? In seconds they are lost in one another, tilting heads for a better angle, bodies pressed tightly together in a flare of obsessive passion. I look away, uncomfortable at intruding on such an intense, private moment, straight into Dante's fathomless green eyes. He is right next to me, his presence so immediate and overwhelming a tiny squeak of surprise escapes, and my heart lurches painfully in my chest.
He smiles, an incandescent thing of beauty. I open my mouth to speak but he shakes his head, pointedly glancing beyond me to the embracing couple under the tree. He offers me his hand then, a faint glow of compassion lighting his eyes. I feel the blood drain from my face then surge upward in a sweeping flare of color. He knows, of course - after all, he watched. I drop my gaze to the tips of my sneakers, letting my hair fall forward to shield my valiant struggle for control from those too knowledgeable eyes. I flinch from the whisper soft brush of his fingers on my cheek as he sifts through the thick mass, and tucks the concealing curtain back behind my ear. One gentle stroke of his thumb around the outside edge of my ear, shockingly hot.
I glance at Spencer and Gabriel, still locked together in a passionate clench and let go of good sense. It's the only excuse I have as to why I go with him. I wouldn't have gone under ordinary circumstances, let alone with the bizarre things that had been happening, but I cannot conceive of a story that would be worth the pain of watching the two of them go at it like that. I lay my hand on his outstretched palm, feeling the smooth, comforting warmth of his fingers close over me, and allow him to tug me away from the Mustang. Tiny tingles of heat shimmer up my arm from the point of contact, and the connection is no longer comforting but disturbing in some indefinable way. He leads me across the parking lot, behind the police station to a small park next to the city pool. A quaint stone shelter nestles in among a copse of trees; its elegant lines a reminder of times past. I cannot recall ever having been to this particular park before, but then, since I don't belong to the pool, there is no reason I should.
A huge, open fireplace occupies one end of the structure with two heavy picnic type tables arranged in front of it. I pull my hand free as soon as possible and shiver under the lash of the biting wind, wrapping my arms around my waist to retain a bit more warmth. Dante frowns. "Are you cold?" He asks in a soft voice. "Aren't you?" I laugh, unable to control my chattering teeth. He shakes his head with grave seriousness. "I hardly ever get cold. Come here I'll warm you." Danger signals flood my entire body and I take a step back, skittish. "That's okay. I'll be fine." He sighs, exasperated, and shrugs out of his long, heavy black coat before tossing it to me. "Sure you will. Why don't you take my coat anyway?" "But you'll be cold." I protest, clutching the wool to my chest, involuntarily drawn to the body warmed fabric. "Then share it with me." His eyes glitter with a barely suppressed wildness and the dark note in his voice terrifies me. "I - what do you want?" I ask in a shaky voice. Good one, Sabine. Maybe you should have thought of that before you let him drag your ass way the hell down here where no one can hear you scream. An image of Cara as I last remember seeing her, flutters through my mind. And I hope fervently that I haven't made the final mistake of my life. He stares at me with an odd intensity, almost a hunger, and then the moment passes as if it never was. I am not even certain I saw what I think I did. He shrugs and flashes a rueful smile. "To talk to you. I've been trying to find you alone all day, but you aren't alone much, are you?" I nod in agreement, fingers still twisted in his coat.
"I've been watching you for several days and I'm interested in you." He pushes his hands into the back pockets of his blue jeans and rocks back on his heels, the boyish discomfort somehow enormously appealing. "I'd like to have dinner with you tonight." I blink; startled by the formal invitation. It doesn't feel right, but I can't put a finger on why. I wave a vague hand back toward the school. "I can't. I have - " "After that, you would still go back to him?" Dante interrupts with raw heat, his face changing, hardening. I flush. What the hell difference does it make to him? That I would, if given a chance, strip naked and crawl in bed with Spencer almost wholly disregarding the circumstances that brought me there, does not give him any right to look at me with such contempt and anger, nor to judge me like this. I launch the coat, hitting him square in the chest. He fumbles his hands out of his pockets to catch the flying wad, surprise streaking across his dark features.
"Look, whatever you saw or think you saw, you know nothing, nothing about me or Spencer or Gabe or any of this. I just met you today for God's sake. What makes you think you can get away with talking to me like that?" I snap. "You think you want to get to know me? Well, that's definitely not the way to go about it. I've got to go, my friends will be waiting for me." I spin around and stalk back up the hill toward the school. The cold seems to have seeped all the way into my soul. Going anywhere alone with a stranger was the height of stupidity right now and I cannot say just what possessed me. "Providing they've even noticed you're gone, that is." He calls out, taunting me. "Give it up, Sabine. You're wasting your time with him." "It's my time to waste, though, isn't it?"
He swears softly and mutters something, too quiet for me to make out and I glance back, compelled by an unseen force. The slowly setting sun casts the shelter in darkness, lending the place a strange, forbidding appearance and I shiver in response. Dante is still visible as a shadowy form but without definition or detail. There is something odd and dangerous about him, appealing on a physical level but instinctively frightening on the emotional plane. I am relieved to have made it out of the situation intact.
I don't hear their frantic calls until I am back on campus. Spencer and Gabriel are at either end of the parking lot screaming my name. "Here." I call out, so very weary. They come running, yelling and furious; Gabriel grabs my arms and shakes me hard.
"Where were you? What the hell were you thinking?" He shouts. Spencer tries to temper Gabe's anger but gets a smack across his chest for the trouble. I manage to jerk free, choking on my own rage. "What was I thinking? I don't know, maybe that the two of you needed to get a goddamn room. That maybe you didn't need any witnesses to your touching reconciliation. Is that enough or shall I go on?" "It's just that it's dangerous out here right now, Sabine." Spencer says, color high. "And hanging around you two making out is going to be somehow safe for me?" I ask, incredulous. "Right. New definitions of protect, huh?" A muscle in Gabriel's jaw twitches and I can hear his teeth grinding together. "If we didn't need you." He mutters. "Shut up, Gabe." Spencer sighs. "You don't mean that. Where were you, anyway?"
"A friend came by and wanted to talk." I prevaricate. I am considering it a tiny lie because someone did come by and until he mouthed off at me, I suppose Dante could be considered a friend. "We went down to that park by the pool. Nice place. I hadn't ever been there before." Spencer eyes me warily. "There is no park by the pool." He says with great care. "Yeah there is. There's even a stone shelter with a big fireplace." I let my voice trail away as they both stare at me, shaking their heads. "No, there isn't." Gabriel says softly, exchanging a look with Spencer. "You don't suppose he." Immediately, Spencer shakes his head. "He wouldn't dare." "Look, I'll show you." I turn toward the pool, but Spencer catches my arm. "We don't have time for that. You can show us later. Right now, we need to get someplace where we can talk." "But, " "Now, Sabine." Gabriel catches my arm again and guides me back to Spencer's car.
I get stuffed into the back seat, of course. I glance out the window at the glorious bands of colour reaching across the horizon that signal the death throes of this day. It's more to distract me from seeing Gabriel reach out in an unconscious gesture and link his fingers with Spencer's than because I'm suddenly enthralled with the beauty of nature. What a week. "Is this going to take long?" I ask, letting my eyes fall shut and resting my head on the back of the seat. "I have a date tonight...." Another small lie, just a tiny one. Forgivable under the circumstances? Yes. I mean I could have had a date. Gabriel snorts, an incomprehensible sound but does not answer my question.
