Tom's Infinite Simpson Archive: Barney Gumble

Barney is the slob that is always hanging out at Moe's Tavern.

In high school, Barney was a top student until Homer made him drink a duff the night before the SAT test. He became an immediate alcoholic, and one could guess that as his grades went down the tubes, so did his life. Barney competed against Homer for a spot on the space shuttle. When Barney was taken off alcohol, he became a wonderful athlete in almost top condition. When he took a sip of un-alcoholic champaigne, he became a total drunk again.

When Barney bought Homer's blimp tickets and flew in the blimp, the pilot let him fly it for a second, it was a crash just like the Hindenburg.

His favorite beverages is:

Duff Regular

Duff Dry

New McDuff Ale

Raspberry Duff

Out of control Duff

Duff's Alcohol-free Beer (with a jigger of vodka)

Here are some of the words that come from "BARNEY GUMBLE"

"Wow. Someone smells stinky! Oh, it's me."
"Hey Homer, Im worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, theres only one case left! Yeah yeah, Oh Barney's right. Yeah, lets drink some more beer. Yeah, hey what about some beer? Yeah Barney's right." Homer: "Alright guys, quiet down."
"We want Chilly Willy!"
Homer: "Barney. I've lost a baby. It's the worst thing I've ever done." Barney: "Don't worry. Don't worry. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna make you an omelet." Homer: "Just help me look." Barney: "Are you sure? I make 'em with two kinds of cheese!" Homer: "Come on." Barney: "Wow!"
"Hey Homer! I think I got her. Ahh, Come on." Homer: "Barney! You're gonna pull her arm off." Barney: "The sooner I get her out, the soon we can have omelets."
"My name is Barney Gumble. I'm forty, I'm single, and I drink. Theres a lot in a fellow about a drinker. Now a sensible man, bound by a fool, and presently obese. That pretty well covers it. My name is Barney, and I'm an alcoholic." Lisa: "Mr Gumble, this is a Girls' Scout Meeting." Barney: "Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem. Don't cry for me, I'm already dead."
"Ahhh! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!"
Moe: "Barney, don't steal any beer while I'm gone." Barney: "What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for. Somebody spilt beer in this ashtray! Ahh!"
Moe: "I'd better go check on Barney." Barney: "Oh oh. My heart just stopped..................Oh. There it goes."
Homer: "Barney, give me your keys. You're too drunk to drive." Barney: "I'm fine." Homer: "OK, you leave me no option." [Homer hits Barney on the head] Barney: "Ow. What was that for?" Homer: "I'm trying to knock you out!" Barney: Ow. Cut it out. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Alright, here, take the keys.
"Hey Homer. Thanks for inviting me to your Barbeque." Homer: Wow, Barney! You brought a whole beer keg." Barney: "Yeah, where can I fill it up?"

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