Tom's Infinite Simpson Archive: C. Montgomery Burns

Montgomery Burns is not as old as you think, the Simpsons have often stated that his age be about 100, 200, 150. But his is only 81.

He is a weak man who runs the nuclear power plant where Homer works. He is probably the closest thing to the devil on the show, but once or twice he has shown acts of kindness.. Mr. Burns can't remember Homer's name, no matter how many times Homer affects Mr. Burns's life in some major way. Mr. Burns sold the plant until he realized that it was the only thing in his life that made him happy. Mr. Burns once took Bart for his aire. He tried to mold Bart to be his likeness, but when Bart resisted, Mr. Burns disowned him. Mr. Burns has a teddy bear named Bobo that he lost as a child. When Maggie found it, he wanted it back, and got it back for free, after making several offers for it to Homer.

Will There Ever Be A Rainbow

Known Relatives:

His Mater (mom)

George Burns (brother)

Larry Burns (son)

Bart Simpson (proven to be Burns' genetic son in Springfield court)

Favorite Pastimes:

Taking candy from a baby

Beekeeping

Boxing

Bocci Ball

Vanquishing foes of any kind

Bowling

Net Worth 2.6 Billion

Accomplishment:

Created sun blocking device

Won a sack race

Won bowling trophy

Lead the SNPP baseball team to victory

Regained lost fortune

Personal Difficulties:

Crushing a paper cup

Thrashing member of college board

Taking Bobo from Maggie

Stealing candy from a baby

Tipping over a table

Subduing Principal Skinner

Subduing college admissions officer

Throwing baseball

Kicking football

Remembering Homer's name

The metric system

Lifting knocker on Homer's door

Pulling curtain for portrait

Giving a "Thumbs Up!"

Smiling

Using right-handed can opener

Microscopic germs

Burns Mansion:

Springfield Heights Burns' wardrobe:

Gorilla vest

Irish Setter sweater

Cat skin hat

Bat cape

African endangered albino rhino slippers

Grizzly bear underwear

Turtlenecks made from real turtles

Poodle beret single-and double-breasted suits made from red robin feathers

Gopher loafers

Signs on Burns Manor:

Burns Manor

Keep Out

Danger Electrified Fence

Trespassers Will Be Shot

(hand written) Free Kittens Inquire Within

The Many Crimes of Monty Burns:

Lisa: "He tried to kill our puppies"

Marge: "He sexually harassed me"

Grampa: "He stole my fiancee"

Homer: "He made fun of my weight" (among many other occasions)

Stole a one-trillion dollar bill

Burns and Animals:

The movie Burns shows his hounds to get them to act the way they do. Pictures:

Poodle whapped with a rolled-up newspaper.

A water dish labeled `FIDO' is kicked.

Atom bomb detonates.

Kitty plays with yarn.

The Hindenburg explodes.

Tank runs over a doghouse.

Dog drinking out of toilet, toilet cover comes down.

President Johnson lifts his pet dog by the ears.

The dog reacts accordingly.

The Episodes Where Hounds Have Been Released:

(7G04) Burns warns company picnic to clear out because the hounds are going to released in ten minutes.

(7F10) Burns asks Smithers to release hounds on Homer and Marge when he decides to reject their settlement.

(7F07) Burns releases hounds on Bart when he tries to steal pie from windowsill.

(8F17) Burns releases hounds on Flanders when he solicits him about recycling.

(8F17) Burns releases hounds on Bart when Smithers reports a sweet little boy is ringing the doorbell.

(2F03) Evil Flanders releases hounds on Homer when he refuses to get a lobotomy.

(3F10) Homer gets mauled by the hounds when he takes back the bowling trophy Burns kept for himself.

Songs:

Some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food,
But the only thing I'm hunting for is an outfit that looks good...
See my vest, see my vest,
Made from real gorilla chest.
See this sweater,
There's no better than authentic Irish setter.
See this hat? 'Twas my cat.
My evening wear, vampire bat.
These white slippers were albino
African endangered rhino.
Grizzly bear underwear, turtles'necks, I've got my share.
Parade of poodle, on my noodle it shall rest.
Like my red robin suit? It comes one breast or two!
See my vest, see my vest, see my vest.
Like my loafers?
Former gophers!
It was that, or skin my chauffers, But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best.
So lets prepare these dogs;
Kill two for matching clogs.
See my vest, see my vest, oh please won't you see my vest.
I really like the vest.

Vote Burns Jingle
Only a moron wouldn't cast his vote For Monty Burns!

History:

--A member of the Flying Hellfish, but later discharged Grandpa Simpson for misconduct. --Was entrusted to deliver a one trillion dollar bill to France, but the trillion dollar bill was missing. Burns was later tricked by Castro in giving up the trillion dollar bill.

Springfield Nuclear Power Plant With safety in mind , the toxic waste barrles are labled: TOXIC WASTE -- DO NOT EAT. Burn's emergency console: Meltdown Alert Mad Dog Drill Blimp Attack Fire Drill Burns' office phone number is KL5-5246 Employees:
The Plant Chief
Prince of Darkness (Burns's 11:00)
Wayland Smithers
Homer Simpson
Lenny
Karl
Mindy Simmons
Lawyer/yes men
Frank Grimes [no longer employed]
Secretary Carl [no longer employed]
Marge Simpson [no longer employed]
Ken Griffey [no longer employed]
Wade Boggs [no longer employed]
Ozzie Smith [no longer employed]
Jose Canseco [no longer employed]
Don Mattingly [no longer employed]
Miscellaneous NPP Related things:
Blinky
Squirrel (as a result of the dumping of toxic chemicals by M.B.)
Radioactive Man (played by Rainer Wolfcastle, who was sweped away by a large wave of Nuclear asid; "My eyes! The goggles do nothing..."
Nuclear Rod

Here are some of the words that come from "CHARLES MONTGOMERY BURNS"

"I havent felt this energized since my last... bowel-ing."
Family,religion, friendship..These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business...
"Compadres..It is imperitive that we crush the freedom fighters...And remember, a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya..."
"I feel like such a free spirit, and i'm really enjoying this so-called Iced-Cream"
"Listen Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod. We're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis...but mine worked, dammit!"
"Now thats odd...Ive just robbed a man of his livelihood and yet I feel strangely empty..Tell you what, Smithers. Have him beaten to a pulp!"
Ohh, so Mother Nature needs a favor? Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts, and plagues and poison monkeys. Nature started the fight for survival and now she wants to quit because she's losing....well I say "Hard Cheese" !
"I'll form my own religion..with its own symbol. I'll use this special "K". Smithers: "I believe thats already a cereal sir..." Burns: "Do people worship it?" Smithers: "In a way..."
A-Hoy, Hoy. Lowly mortals..In addition to working for me you may now praise me as your almighty.
Burns: Smithers..Do you think maybe my power plant killed those ducks?? Smithers: Theres...no 'maybe' about it, sir. Burns:..(sniff,sniff)..Excellent.
Homer: "Hello Mr Burns..This is your mother..." Burns: (groan) "Oh hello,Mater..Sorry about pulling the plug on you..Who could've known you'd pull through and live for another five decades..." Homer: "Son, this is Mrs Burns..I just called to say 'I dont love you'. You are a bad son Montel."
Burns: "Smithers this beer isn't working... I dont feel any younger or funkier..." Smithers: I'll switch to the tablespoon, sir."
Kent: "Mr Burns, you mentioned you wanted an opening tirade?" Burns: "Fifteen minutes from now, I will reek a terrible vengence on this city..NOONE will be spared, no-one!" K.B: "heh he... a chilling vision of things to come."
"Well the worm has turned, has it not my tin-plated friend? Look out, you - you who were once so proud! Feel the wrath of the left hand of Burns!"

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