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Tom's Infinite Simpson Archive: Ned Flanders

Ned Flanders is The Simpsons nabor. Ned think that to be friends with your nabor is the most important thing in the world. This man never brakes the law, and he just want's everyone to be happy.


Occupations:
  • pharmacist
  • owner of the Leftorium

    Known Relatives:

  • Maude
  • Rodd
  • Todd
  • Grandma Flanders
  • Jose Flanders
  • Lord Thistlewick Flanders

    Hates:

  • parents
  • post office

    Things about the Flanders:

  • Rodd and Todd produce "The Flanders Press"
  • Nachos, Flanders style is cucumbers with cottage cheese
  • has a Flanders bible
  • reads Newseek
  • puts honey on pancakes
  • likes nonfat ice milk
  • puts children to sleep at 7PM
  • plays "Bombardment of Bible Questions"
  • has a Tithe Day where the family helps out hobos

    Things Homer borrowed:

  • power sander
  • tv tray
  • camcorder
  • weed-whacker
  • downstairs bathtub
  • camp equipment
  • Flanders' air conditioner

    things sold at the Leftorium:

  • cups
  • car
  • aprons
  • shot glass
  • ledger book
  • t-shirts
  • corkscrews
  • can openers
  • nunchucks
  • chainsaws
  • computer
  • ties
  • hats
  • sweaters
  • posters
  • guitar
  • apple peelers
  • ice crean scoops
  • zither

    Other Tidbits:

  • owns a pair of Assassins (shoes)
  • has a satellite dish with over 230 channels blocked
  • a member of a bowling team: the Holy Rollers
  • drank a blackberry schnapps over 4000 days ago
  • has old paint cans in garage "Old Painty-Can Ned"
  • wore a dress in his fraternity days
  • has a bar in basement
  • gets beer from Holland
  • drives a Geo

    But even Ned have secret shames:

  • Once sneaked into the expensive seates at a Canters Concert.
  • Dinged Reverend Lovejoi's car door one day at church.
  • Always falls asleep when reading the Old Testament in bed.

    Ned is also a big fan of reading, here are his favorites:

  • "Saints do the strangest things"
  • "The sinner who came to dinner"
  • "The Darwinist who stole Cristmas"
  • "The scratch and sniff bibel"

    Here are some of the words that come from "NED FLANDERS"

    "I called the police captain....He says he hasn't seen our kids, but if they show up in the morgue, he'll fax us."
    Bart: Wow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?
  • Homer: [reverently] Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.
  • Ned: Wait! Homer, what did you just say?
  • Homer: I said shut your ugly face, Flanders!
  • Ned: Oh, fair enough.
    		•
    Well, I guess a little television won't hurt. I used to let the boys watch "My Three Sons" but it got them all worked up before bedtime.
    Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
  • Reverend: (annoyed) Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it? Asparagus?
  • Ned: No, no, Reverend, the point is, he said a `bad word'!
  • Reverend : Oh, oh, right, yeah.Well, kids usually pick these things stuff up from someplace. Find out who's doing it and... direct them to the Bible.
  • Ned: Where in the Bible?
  • Reverend: Uh... Page 900.
    		•

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