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Tom's Infinite Simpson Archive: Lisa

Lisa Simpson is eight years old and is currently enrolled in Miss Hoovers second grade class. She is abnormally intelligent for her class seeing that she reads on the fourth grade level. She is first chair saxaphone player at in her school band. Her idol and role model is the late Bleeding Gums Murphy. She hopes one day to be President of the United States, but only if she can pass P.E.

  • Age: 8
  • Height: 4'2"
  • Favorite school subject: Erathmetic.
  • Friends: Janie, Ralph Wiggum, Alison Taylor, the "superfriends"
  • Enemies: Sideshow Bob, most of the popular kids
  • Likes: Pony rights, Vegetarianism, The Corey Hotline, Longer school days
  • Dislikes: Apartheid, meat, things that harm animals, smoking, Universal Injustice, Malibu Stacey, Whacking Day, Laramie Cigarettes, corporations
  • Her love life: Mr. Bergstrom, Ralph Wiggum, Nelson Muntz, Milhouse Van Houten

    Each parents' night at Springfield Elementary, Homer and Marge fight to meet with Lisa's teachers rather than Bart's on the theory that being offered a tin of cookies as thanks is less "upsetting" and "costly" than reviewing quarterly property damage assessments for melted playground equipment. This second grader also plays the saxophone with the virtuosity, if not stubble, of Springfield's late blues great, Bleeding Gums Murphy.

    For the record, Lisa says she watches TV only for "The MacNeil-Lehrer Report" -- particularly since it expanded to one hour -- and any Masterpiece Theatre serialization of wordy British novels. In truth, however, she is always willing to interrupt a piercing MacNeil-Lehrer roundtable whenever her beloved "Itchy and Scratchy" cartoons are on TV. Her deep love for cartoon characters proves that, no matter how precocious she may be, Lisa is still a Simpson.

    Millhouse has a crush on Lisa, although she doesn't really pay attention to him at all.
    She did, however, go out with Nelson for a couple of days, until she realized that she couldn't change him.

    Lisa is an exellant goalie in hockey, otherwise she doesn't have too much physical talent. All of her strengths are mental strengths, and she is often bullied.

    Here are some of the words that come from "LISA SIMPSON"

    Occam's Razor says that if you have more than one explanation for the same thing, usually the most simple explanation is correct.
    "If we don't do something, Sideshow Bob will destroy our house and we'll have to stay at a Motel 6!"
  • Bart: "But Homer can't afford 6 bucks a night!"
    		•
    "What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog?"
  • Bart: "It looks like he's trying to jump over her, but he can't quite make it. Come on boy! You can do it!"
    		•

    Dad, don't you think....
  • Homer: Ah, ah, ah Lisa. Daddy doesn't have to think. That's why we elect politicians. Remember that rain-forest thing a few years back? They took care of that alright.
  • Lisa: Dad, you don't honestly think that...
  • Homer: Oh...there's that word again.
    • Marge: Whatever happened to good old-fashioned town pride?
  • Lisa: It's been going downhill ever since the lake caught fire.
    		•
    "Oh Bart, cartoons don't have to be one hundred percent realistic..."
    "Don't worry Bart, it seems like every week something odd happens to the Simpsons. My advice is to ride it out, make an occasional smart-aleck quip, and by next week we'll be ready for another wacky adventure."
  • Bart: "Aye Carumba!"
  • Lisa: "That's the spirit!"
    		•
    "Uhghh...I feel so average..."
    "It seems like I've been wearing this same red dress forever!"
    As Little Miss Springfield, I welcome you to America, land of opportunity!
  • Wiggum: UMM, they're being deported.
    		•
    I am the lizard queen!
    It is better to remain silent and be thought the fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
  • Homer's Brain: Uh-oh what did that mean. Better say something or they'll think you're stupid.
  • Homer: Takes one to know one!
  • Homer's Brain: Swish!
    		•
    Did you know that the Japanese use the same word for crisis as for opportunity?
  • Homer: Yes! Crisitunity!
    		•
    Chalmers: Are these children as smart as they look?
  • Principal Skinner: Well, let's pick one at random...ummmm how about that one?
  • Chalmers: You mean this boy here?
  • Skinner: Nooo! Lisa Simpson
  • Chalmers: When was the Battle of New Orleans?
  • Lisa: January 8th, 1815. Two weeks after the war ended
  • Chalmers: First rate
  • Ralph: What's a battle?
    		•
    Boy, Mom sure will be happy you won 50 dollars. Homer: You'd think that, wouldn't you? But you see, Lisa, your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's OK in the bible. Lisa: Really? Where? Homer: Uhh...somewhere in the back.
    Homer: What's the quickest, easiest, cheapest way to do something with you?
  • Lisa: Uhh, take us to the video store?
  • Homer: Anything for my little girl.
    		•
    Ralph Wiggum: Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?
  • Lisa: Sorry Ralph, that would defeat the purpose of testing us as a means of student evaluation.
  • Ralph: My cat's name is Mittens.
    		•

    My Email address:

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