BUGGY UNCLE HAROLD AT A RESTAURANT
Well it has
happened again just as before. A friend and me were at a restaurant enjoying
ourselves. Then all of a sudden my embarrassing uncle Harold shows up. You know
which one I mean. This is the one with all the bugs and who hasn’t showered for
probably over a year. see page 1 Without being
invited he takes a seat with us at our table. For one thing I hate
to be seen in public with this guy. And
it is worse when it is at a restaurant. For one thing if you are eating
something the last one you want to see show up is this guy. Just the smell of
him alone took my appetite away. Anyhow
here is an example of how the rest of the day went.
(Narrator) my friend leaves as soon as he can.
Me: “oh hi uncle.”
uncle: “Hi. I am here today celebrating an event. One I’ve
been working on real hard. This marks
one year since I last had a bath. Now that is worth celebrating.”
Me: “I thought you smelled worse than usual.”
Uncle: “Thank you for the compliment. How come you are not
finishing your meal?”
Me: “I just lost my appetite.”
Uncle: “Then let me have it. I will take it and spread it on
me. It will give my pet bugs more food to eat.” (He takes it and rubs it all
over himself.) “There my pets are fed. Now it is my turn. I ordered coffee 5
minutes ago. Where is it? I guess I will have to complain again.” (hollering as
loud as he can)”Hey waitress!” (Everybody looked around in his or her chairs
and I tried to hide under the table but I was too big to fit under there.) “Get
my nephew and me some more coffee. and Hurry up. I want mine in a dirty cup.”
Waitress: “You must be joking!”
Uncle: “Now look! I pay good money at these places to get
what I want. And I want a dirty cup! Nothing is too good for me and my bugs!”
(Narrator) the waitress reluctantly brings it out. Uncle
taste coffee and don’t like it.
Uncle: “This is terrible. I am going to sue you for making
such lousy coffee and serving it in a clean cup when I asked for a dirty one.
Please get rid of it!”
Waitress: “Ok. I will. Here it goes!” (she pours it on his
head and on mine too thinking I am part of this mess)
This is the way it is with my uncle. I didn’t show up with
him and I try to avoid him like a sickness but somehow it doesn’t work. I am
automatically with him. My uncle was mad.
Uncle: “Hey you drowned some of my bugs. I must have lost 50
of them. I am going to sue you for abuse to animals. Don’t you know it is a
crime to hurt animals?”
Waitress: “The
sooner you two leave the restaurant the better. We don’t need people like you
here.”
Me: “But Miss. I had
nothing to do with it.”
Waitress: “Then what are you doing with him?”
Me: But he…..(I could not explain. My uncle didn’t give me a
chance to).
Uncle: “Come on nephew,
lets get out of here. Kill my pets will they? We’ll see about that.”
He grabs me and pulls me out of there and now not only is he not
welcomed there but I am not either. After this event the restaurant had to be
closed for a while. They had to sanitize the place and kill all the bugs in it.
The bugs also got into the salads and other foods. It’s up and running again finally.
I never
have been so embarrassed in all my life. I didn’t even want to show my face in
public for a while. Why this event
was even broadcasted on the Klunkerville T.V. station.
It took allot
of apologizing to do and letter writing but finally I am allowed in the door.
Why did I get to have such an uncle as this.? If anyone of you has any
relatives you want to trade I will trade you my uncle for yours. Anything has
to be better than this.
WAYS TO GET OUT OF WASHING DISHES
If you don’t have a dishwasher that is
Hey are you like me who does
not like to do dishes? And are you getting sick of washing that same exact
frying pan for the 10,000 time. Well it is about time for the end of this
labor. If you hate to do dishes follow these few simple directions below and
you will never have to do another dish again.
There is a problem with this I forgot to mention, you could
starve to death.
I thought about this one and realized unless your rich it could get very expensive.
This could be expensive also
just as above.
This suggestion will work for some but not for me because usually the deserts in these meals aren’t so great and I like my desert.
This is a good way to wear out your welcome.
This may make you feel like a pig eating out of a trough.
This would work but you still have to clean the pots and pans.
Not too sanitary
I just realized
something after writing this. Unless someone else has some suggestions for ones
who don’t have dishwashers you better just stick to washing the dishes. Now you
will have to excuse me for I have a mess of dishes I have to get to. My hands
can’t take much more of this.
