Certified Psychopath- Notes from Voldemorts Psychiatrist

Certified Psychopath- Notes from Voldemorts Psychiatrist LUCKY WIZARDS COUNSELING SUBMITION FORM 128576-b Date:

`June 24`

Name of Client:

`Lord Voldemort`

Age:

`????`

Name of Submittor:

`Lucius Malfoy`

Comments:

The Lord has been rather moody lately,and I signed him up for some counseling. He's been prone to throwing things, shooting random curses, jumping up and down, and irradic shouting of "KILL! KILL! KILL!!!" He spends far too much time in his chambers plotting the downfall of certain people. He's been k- hurting peoole more than usual, and it is getting increasingly difficult to deal with. I would greatly appreciate your help in getting him back to his normal nefarious self. Anything you can do,please do quickly, we're on a schedule here.

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Dear Mr. Malfoy,
Thank you for your concern of Lord Voldemort. Lord Voldemort has been scheduled for an appointment with Dr. Elise Moore on June 31, 12:30 pm. If there is a problem, please owl the Lucky Wizards Counseling Scheduling Office. Thank you very much Mr. Lucius Malfoy!
-Dr. Horace Manly, Undergraduate of St. Mungos Medical Institute, Order of Merlin Third Class, Head Wazoo in Shrinks Anonymous.
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Lucky Wizards Counseling Form
Doctor: Elise Moore
Session: 1
Name of Client Tom ‘Voldemort’ Riddle
Date: June 31 , 12:30 pm.
Notes:
One more client till lunch!!!!! I’m quite looking forward to my eggsalad.
*insert doodle of heart*

12:31 This guy can’t be for real. Did he honestly just call me a ‘faithful minion"? Quite ugly, might account for some of the stress he’s experiencing. Not as intimidating as most would think of an evil dark lord. Maybe it’s just the hat, but it seems like most people are exaggerating

12:35. Client spent the first five minutes complaining about Harry Potter. I fear this might be more of a job for St. mungos psych ward. Lucius was right, he does seem a bit off the edge.
Elise: Lets start with harry Potter.
Lord V.: Potter?! That brat! I should KILL HIM! KILL KILL KILL!!!!

12:38 Client refuses to get out of my chair. He threatened to curse me if I didn’t "Get my mudblooded bottom onto the couch at once!" Quick temper.

12:39 I tried to begin disscussing Harry Potter again, so he can let off some of his steam. Maybe I’ll be able to get to the root of the problem.

12:45 This disscussion is going nowehere.

12:46 Succeeded in getting toipics off Harry Potter. Client has discovered my sqoosh ball.

12:47 There is no more sqoosh in my sqoosh ball.

12:47 Client has a soft spot for ‘dear mumsy’. He never knew her. Note to self. Do not refer to Mrs. Riddle as Mrs. Riddle. Or Mummy Voldemort. I wonder if that will grow back?

12:49 Ah interesting tidbit. His father was a muggle born, Tom Riddle. Oh dear. Client is now throwing things about the room. Shouting obscenities. With a German accent. Odd.

12:53 Why me, God?

12:54 I have awoken a kinder side in this client. It may have something to do with the fizzing whizzbees. He is quite fond of my gigantic jar of fizzing whizbees. He has told me a bit about his childhood that I think could be a strain on his mind. We must attempt to get him to relieve himself of this burden.

12:56 Personal Note: Buy more Fizzing Whizbees. And Carpet Cleaner. Ths is the oddest client I’ve ever had.

12:57 Including the one who thought he was a mousetrap.

12:58 I wonder what I should have for lunch

12:59 *insert badly drawn picture of Voldemort here*

12:59 Client refuses to let me leave the room. He’s barricaded the door with random objects. I’ll have to skip lunch. Curses.

1:00 Client is now listing every single death eater and his faults. I wonder if this hold weight under the patient confidentiality clause?

1:13 I fear for my sanity.

1:14 Client is attempting to steal my notepad. Bad client! BAD!

1:14 I hope it will grow back………

1:15 We’re doing an excersise. Client is writing down as many names for Harry Potter as he can think of.

1:25 Still writing

1: 30 He’s used up all my parchment and is demanding I get more from the outside office. Unfortunetly he has barricaded my door. Thats enough for now, My Lord.

1:31 I must be mad. I’ve told him to back Thursday for an early appointment.

1:31 "And cancel all your other appointments, doctor, or I’ll curse your entire family into midgets. Midget chickens. And they’ll never be sorted out again!" This guy has issues.

1:32 Looking over the list of names.

Nuggety Genitalia?
Faggity haggity hobgoblin?
Nynorsck Zappole?
I don’t think I can pronoune this one.

1:33 Gone to get my dictionary. Client who has a fatal fear of sausages late again. Must remind Henry not to eat hotdogs during clients appointments.

1:34 .Meanie Poo Head? I know perfectly well what this persons problem is..

Diagnosis: Certified Psychopath