Things Change
Okay, this story needs some explaining. It is NOT a part of the Black Rose Trilogy. The email addresses are not real, except Kali's (who is NOT, btw, an insane vampire living in France, though she'd like to be, as would I...). I made them up. If they are real, I'm sorry, I didn't know, and it was unintentional that I used them. Don't sue.
To: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
From: leather_jacket @yahoo.com
Willow,
I’m sorry about your loss. Maybe this would be a good opportunity for a meeting? I can’t convey my feelings in words. I’d like to be there for you.
Your Friend
I read this over again. I needed a shoulder to cry on, but how was I going to get a friend? All my good friends, Buffy, Xander, Angel, and, hey, even Cordy, were still back in Sunnydale. I made up my mind.
To: leather_jacket @yahoo.com
From: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
okay…where?
The answer was almost immediate. He must have been online.
To: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
From: leather_jacket @yahoo.com
How about that little café downtown…what’s it called again? They keep changing it. Um… hell, I don’t know, you do know the one that I’m talking about?
I knew what he was talking about. Two of my friends owned the place. It was the coolest place, so I’d go there when Oz was busy. Oz…
To: leather_jacket @yahoo.com
From: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
Kali and Rilla’s? Yeah, I know the place. My friends own it. It’s my place to go without Oz… fitting, huh? I’m crying again, sorry…
To: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
From: leather_jacket @yahoo.com
Don’t cry… I’ll meet you there at 7 tonight? We’ll talk?
I dried my tears. I had to get ready, then. It was six now; I’d barely gotten out of my last class when I’d gotten the news. And he sounded so sweet…
To: leather_jacket @yahoo.com
From: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
Okay… I’ll be the redhead with tears and a laptop. It’s my security blanket.
I started to get up, but he emailed me again.
To: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
From: leather_jacket @yahoo.com
You’ll know me when you see me… Kali and Rill are my friends, too, so we’ll be the only ones there. But, Willow, promise me you won’t freak out when I get there?
I sat down again. That sounded strange, for lack of a better word.
To: leather_jacket @yahoo.com
From: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
I promise. After all the things I’ve been through, though, it’s pretty hard to spook me. I’m going to get cleaned up now. So I’ll see you in an hour.
Willow
Nervously, I shut the laptop and went to clean up. I was a mess. All tear-stained and everything. I splashed my face with water a couple times. Cordy taught me a bunch of beauty stuff before I left. “You know, being on the road with a band can lead to some interesting situations.” She’d said.
“But, Cordelia…” I’d protested weakly, and in vain, “I’m not going to be ‘on the road’ with Oz, just… near him.”
“In France.”
So I’d cooperated, and Buffy had gotten into it too. It wasn’t helping get the tears out, though. I gave up and got dressed, in a black dress. Hey, even though I wasn’t married to him, I can still mourn. I’m not all that modern-okay, so maybe I am, but still… I put on a little makeup, as I had been doing since I’d moved. It was a change for Oz, but he’d gotten used to it, like my haircut, and my new clothing style. I started to cry again.
“No!” I reprimanded myself. “This is not the time for tears! Later!”
I’d bought Kali a new candle earlier. I grabbed it, and my laptop. Then I left. I walked, being so close. As I walked, I reminisced of those happier times. Buffy and Angel had FINALLY made up, and I’d found that Ms. Calendar had changed the spell. She’d known what they’d wanted-and had done-so she’d fixed it, made it no longer a ‘curse’ to be broken, but a ‘blessing’ to be enjoyed. So, Buffy went to Sunnydale U, and when her mom relented, moved in with Angel. Cordy and Xander realized the inevitable, fought it, took some time apart, and then couldn’t be separated. They kept fighting, still were, but I’d heard from Buffy there was now a ring involved. And a tentative date. I knew that Cordelia, Queen Cordelia, probably hadn’t let Xander pick out the ring. Or the date. And she’d probably been planning it a lot longer than Xander. Thoughts of my best friends brought a hesitant smile to my face. But I got back to what I had been avoiding. I’d been so happy when I was accepted to the college I’d wanted. A French college, far away from Sunnydale. And near Oz. Dingoes Ate My Baby had gotten an agent. He’d told them that France was the place to be. So we’d gone. But now I was unsure what to do. I was startled out of my dreams by the realization that I was there. I opened the door and entered the windowless room. Well, it wasn’t exactly windowless, there were a few small ones, but the effect was there. And they were there for the smoke from the myriad of candles. Dark colored ones, all of them. I handed Kali the candle I’d brought her, and watched her face light up with bliss. Then she looked at mine and smiled sadly.
“He told us. I’m so, so, sorry. I can make it better for you, if you want…”
Rilla arrived just then and told Kali, “Now, now, not for our Willow.”
I gave a faint smile and sat down at a corner table. My usual table. Kali’d been kind, and put a phone line in for me to plug in my laptop.
“You’re our friend. And I can’t keep off the Internet long either. Even less than Rill!” She’d said when I’d protested.
I plugged the cable into my modem. Sure enough, he’d replied. And, mail from Angel. I checked that first.
To: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
From: Dead_boy @msn.com
Sympathies. I know how you feel. Buffy says she wishes she could be there with you right now. We’re coming up to visit you in a couple days, don’t worry. Xander, Cordy, and Giles, too. Angels to watch over you. Love from both of us.
Angel and Buffy.
To: Dead_boy @msn.com
From: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
Thanks. This means a lot to me. I’m meeting with a friend tonight, and my other friends are with me now. I don’t want to be alone right now, so I’m staying with them. Love
Willow
I sent in reply. The address still amused me. A remnant of those past days. Xander’s brilliant wit.
How I missed them all. And it took something like this to bring us together. I sighed, and before I knew it I was crying again. I checked the other message through my tears.
To: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
From:leather_jacket @yahoo.com
I’m leaving now. Kali and Rill know. They’ve been told not to leave you alone. I thought you’d appreciate it.
Your Friend
I heard an unmistakably British accented voice talking with Rilla. “Bloody hell, you left her alone with Kali?!”
“Kali’s not going to do some freaky Wiccan spell to bring him back to life! Nor will she try to feed off our precious Will. I think she’s quite capable of behaving sanely, and you know when she doesn’t it’s your fault.” Rilla told him off. I didn’t care. I was still crying. Nothing was making sense anymore. I mean, how could Oz be gone? He was MY Oz! Kali came over and put a hand on my shoulder.
“I don’t know,” she said, seriously. I guess I’d said that last part aloud. I continued, however, speaking now to her.
“We were supposed to be together, forever. Just like in the storybooks, you know? We’d overcome the werewolf problem, and we’d be together. Why? WHY?!” I sobbed. The door opened, and suddenly heavier footsteps ran toward me. And then arms were around me.
“There, there, Red. ‘s okay, everything’s won’t turn out right, but this is the way it is. And you’ve got to accept that,” the British voice said. Through my haze, I remembered. This was a familiar voice. And it wasn’t Giles. That meant it had to be…
“Spike?!” I pulled away in shock. Then, in realization, I fumbled for my cross; the one Angel’d given me on the day I’d left. I held it up and heard a thump as Kali hit the floor. I saw Spike’s pained expression.
“Didn’t think of that. Sorry, ducks,” he said to Kali.
“What do you want, Spike? I’m in no mood for games.”
“I’m your friend, Will. The one who you never thought to trace.” He laughed, and for some strange reason I liked it.
“So what, you want me to do another love spell? Sorry, not gonna happen.”
“No, I think I’ve gotten Dru sufficiently mad at me now.” Now he sobered up a bit, and I lowered the cross.
“She gave him his soul, Will, love.” Rilla said as she came in and locked the door. “Have a heart, he’s really trying.” Kali, still sitting on her butt, giggled, then tried to stand. “She also cursed Kali with a touch of insanity, but she missed me. I’m looking after Kal, though, healing her. She’ll be better in a month or so.” She affectionately helped Kali up and said, “Twins stick together, you know?” I had to laugh; I’d picked that up from her. She winked at me. “I think I got that from Kali.” I was now in hysterics. Rilla looked at me worriedly, then tossed her keys to Spike. “You know where to put ‘em, love.” Then they disappeared into their apartments upstairs.
“And now she’s after you.” He said after I’d calmed down. “It’s time Angelus’ foolish fancy was ended. You do know it was her?” Oz’d been shot with a silver bullet. And I hadn’t been there to return an old favor.
“Yes.” I whispered, then broke down into tears again. I felt him roughly put his arms around me, but I no longer cared.
“Shh… I’ll always be here, when you want, Will. Your friends won’t get me. I kept my promise. Well, one transgression, but… You do forgive me?” I nodded. And then his tears came, and his were more violent, for those he had killed, and tortured, and made vampires. He cried for all of them. And for me. It made me feel special, but it hurt a little, seeing him reduced to tears again. What is wrong with you? I thought to myself. This is Spike! But I didn’t care who he was anymore. Now he was my friend, and we were mourning.
A few hours later, he walked me home. I was shivering, so he gave me his jacket. He looked better without it on. Less creature-of-the-nightish. When we got to my small place, I invited him in, but he said no. Then I offered him his jacket back and he waved it away.
“Keep it,” he said, and disappeared.
Weirdest night I’d had in a long time, I thought. I plugged in my laptop to recharge and rewarded myself to the blissful nothingness of sleep.
The next day I found that I’d been given a break from my classes to mourn. I suspected Spike was behind it, but I didn’t care. I went home, then wandered around town for a while, not wanting to be alone. Somehow I ended up in the café again.
“Told you I’d be here, love,” he said as I sat down at my usual table. He was sitting across from me. I didn’t think it fair to my friends to treat him nicely (how long was it that we weren’t nice to Angel?), but after last night, I didn’t want to hurt him either.
“Please don’t call me that,” I mumbled as I plugged my laptop in.
“Okay. So what should I call you then? Red?”
“My name?” He raised an eyebrow in amusement. I ignored this and checked my email. Mail from Angel. Or Buffy.
He saw I was ignoring him, and said, “You need a bit of affection, Miss Rosenberg. What better way is there to show it?” He had a point, but I didn’t like it. I read the email.
To: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
From: Dead_boy @msn.com
Will,
Buffy here. Leaving tomorrow on a late flight. Planning on staying near airport until dark again. See you in 2 days then! Hang in there.
Oh good, I thought. Two days. To put up with him. He was still staring at me, waiting for an answer I supposed, but it was still a bit strange. He was smiling. “I’m sorry, what were we talking about again?” I played the innocent.
“Never mind.” He said. “So. They’re coming, aren’t they.” He meant Buffy and the rest of the gang. I nodded. “Do you want me to disappear for a couple days?” His face showed concern- for me!
“No!” I said, a bit too forcefully, I guess. “I mean, um, what if I need someone who’s not… in a couple? Giles is, um,” I cut off the sentence there.
“And I’m not? Giles knows exactly what you’re feeling right now.” A tear ran down his cheek. Thinking of Drusilla, I guess. “I miss her, you know. The little things. I’m NOT going to do this to you. I’m sorry.” I put my hand on his shoulder.
“Spike. You’re you. And you were with her for, um, a long time. So, it seems natural you’d miss her.” We sat there in silence for a while before I said, “I, um, need to get home.”
“I’d walk you home again, but…”
“It’s okay.” I left, offering him a quick smile, and shut the door quickly, out of respect. I walked slowly home, and when I got there, I burst into tears and cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up, an hour later, I cleaned up a bit. I’m usually a very tidy person anyway, so I didn’t have much to do. I gave up on that after awhile. Curling myself into a ball on my bed, I willed myself to sleep again. Then I wouldn’t be thinking. Didn’t work. I checked my email.
To: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
From: Xand_man @yahoo.com
I got Dead boy off his comp, so I could send you my extreme sadness and missage of you. =). I’d say be happy, but… you know. Anyway, can’t wait to see you again, and maybe you can help me with my math? J/k. Dead boy’s growling for the comp! Bye Will!
His attempt to cheer me up did, a little. I felt guilty, so I went looking in my freezer and found some chocolate ice cream to cry over. And cry I did. I heard someone coming up the stairs, but I shrugged it off.
Then I heard someone say, “Willow? It’s Rilla. Where are you?” I scooped up my ice cream and picked myself up from the floor where I was sitting.
“Here.” I called. She came into the room and noticed the state I was in with a frown. Dejectedly I asked, “Why are you here?”
“Well, Spike was in a good mood, so I made him baby-sit Gabriel and watch out for Kali, and I decided to join you in some chocolate ice cream.” Cheerful as her voice sounded, she looked about as sad as I was, maybe worse.
“Gabriel?” I asked as I sat down on my couch and she sat in a chair. She’d brought more ice cream, so now we each had a pint.
“Gabe’s my son. He’s about two.” This was the cause of her pain, I could tell. Or at least part of it.
“Who’s his father?” I asked tentatively.
“Spike.” She looked at the ice cream in her lap, and I could see tears on her face. Strangely, this news hurt me. I had no feelings toward Spike at all, but it hurt. Rilla sobbed, “He doesn’t love me, I know that. I was just a poor excuse for Drusilla.” She closed her eyes. “I helped him come to terms with losing her, and he stole my heart.”
“Does he know?” I whispered. I didn’t know why I was whispering, but I was.
“No. He’d feel bound to me if I told him. But he’s good to me, and Gabe adores him. Otherwise, he’d probably have been kicked out by now.” We just looked at our ice creams and burst into tears again.
After a while, Rilla interrupted our cry. “I’m hungry. Sorry. Crying. It’ll do that to you, I guess. Anyway, you might not want to see…” I didn’t. I looked at my laptop. I had mail from Spike.
To: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
From: leather_jacket @yahoo.com
Watching my son, Gabe, right now. He’s a bit of a handful. You probably know all about him now, though, seeing as Rills is there with you. Gabe says hi, and Kali says angels. Don’t ask me what that means, though. She’ll probably tell you herself, though, because she’s online too. Take care, Will.
“He really cares about you, you know.” Rilla said behind me. That’s what I’m afraid of, I thought. I moved on to the next email.
To: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
From: Kali_546@hotmail.com
Spike is a sweetie. Be nice. Angels watch over you, and your Oz. Ooh, I see him in my dreams. Let him go, Willow, don’t trap him here.
~:)Kali
“OZ!” I wailed. “My Oz, how can I let you go?” I turned my wet eyes to Rilla. All she could do was agree.
“You have to let him go, dear Willow, before he gets stuck here. I’ve always believed that those at peace can come back, if it’s any consolation.” She was quiet then, and left me to my tears, as I painfully made up my mind to say goodbye.
“When she dies, I can let him leave me. I will kill her for you, Oz. I promise.” I proclaimed to an empty house.
< Then we’ll locate her. At 11, come to the café. We’ll have a party! > Kali thought in my head.
“What?!”
< Oops, sorry! > She babbled cheerfully, < I’m sending to you, see? Toodleoo! >
What was that about? I wondered. Hmm, sounded like a plan. So I went.
When I arrived, Rilla yelled. “Kali, what is this about?!!!”
“I sent her a party invitation.” She clapped her hands. “We’re going to find her, so Willow can kill her!”
“Who, Kali?” I just avoided the questions, letting Rilla ask and Kali answer.
“Dru.” Spike said as he came down the stairs, small boy in tow. He handed the laughing toddler to Rilla, then turned to me. I watched his face light up, and I blushed. “Hello, Willow.” If it were possible, I would have blushed more.
“Um, hi,” I squeaked. Why was I acting like this? Oz was dead! I reminded myself why I was there, and sobered up.
“Dear heart, what has your father been doing to you? Honestly!” Rilla faked anger. “It’s past your bedtime.” She took the struggling baby upstairs. “Be back in a minute!” Kali was moving tables in the now-closed café. She looked like she could use some help, so we went over. I took the chairs; Kali and Spike handled the tables. When Rilla came back, we had cleared a large area in the center of the room, and Kali was getting her ‘Magick Candles’ as the box proclaimed.
“Mmm, black candle, white candle, raspberry candle.” Kali sang joyfully.
“It’s pomegranate.” Rilla said, shaking her head.
“Same difference!” Kali stuck out her tongue. Spike fell over backward laughing at the two, but I curled up near the stairs and wrapped my arms around my knees, pulling them to my chest. Suddenly, I felt an ice-cold tiny hand on my neck. I yelped, and turned around, finding little Gabe, not sleeping.
“You’re not mommy!” He accused me.
“You’re not in bed.” His mother replied, noticing him.
“Oopsy, someone’s in trouble.” I taunted. Rilla walked towards her now-angry child.
“Why are you still up?”
“ ’ungry.” He whined.
“Oops. Knew there was something I forgot,” Spike said with a smile on his face. “Willow, he’s ‘ungry. You know what that means…” He teased. I just looked at him, a look of mock horror on my face. “I’m ‘ungry, too.” His grin got wider, and I shrieked.
“Shh,” Kali pleaded. Of course, we ignored her.
Rilla picked up her child and took him upstairs. Spike looked at me and growled drolly. I burst into tears. “Oh, Red, I’m sorry…” His arms went around me, but I knocked them off. I curled back up into a ball and cried. Then the anger hit me. I opened my eyes, filled with fury, to see Rilla had returned, they’d been waiting for me, and were now all staring at me.
“I’m ready.” I said, with what I’d once called my ‘resolved face’ on. Spike looked at me tenderly, and put a hand on my arm. Too weird. We sat in a circle.
“Mmm, it’s time.” As Kali spoke, I noticed there was a circle of candles around us.
“Shall I do it, or would you like to, sister?” Rilla asked, a slight smile teasingly on her face. Kali pouted then nodded to Rilla. She waved her hand and the candles were instantly aflame.
“Wow, Rill, I knew you had power, but this is amazing!” Spike smiled mischievously.
“Oh, Spike, you wound me.” Rilla countered.
“Guys?” I said, my eyes coldly putting things back into order.
“Show us the one we seek, the one who is called Drusilla, goddess.” Kali intoned. The flames dancing around us were suddenly blue. Kali’s ‘mother’ candle, the largest white candle I’ve ever seen, was in the center of the ring. It burst into multicolored fiery light. There was a bright flash, then the room went black. Rilla rebounded first, and re-lit the candles. My jaw dropped as I saw what had joined us in the room.
“Kendra?” I breathed, unbelieving. “But…Drusilla killed you.” She turned her eyes toward me.
“Willow? I didn’t t’ink you would be de one to call me.”
“She killed Oz. I promised him I’d do this. But I’ll do it for you, too.” I said to the Jamaican ghost. She looked at the others and saw Spike.
Coldly, she asked, “Why do you continue to associate wit de vampires?”
“I have a soul. And a name.” Spike said, amusedly. “You should know why I’m here, though, Slayer.”
“I am your guide, sent down to help kill de one who killed me,” The former Slayer announced. “I don’t know who you are, or why you’re here, but I t’ank you.”
“We’re all here for Willow. Now, guide, Kendra, whatever, show us Drusilla.” Kali commanded. Kendra nodded assent and my last thought was that it shouldn’t have gone dark again. Suddenly, I saw Drusilla. In my head. I couldn’t see Spike, or Rilla, or Kali, but I could see Kendra. I turned to her.
“What happened?”
“I’m showing you her. Dat is what you wanted?”
“Yes, but…where are we?” I was confused.
“Here.” Kendra, it seemed, was also puzzled.
“But, where is here?”
“Paris. I t’ink.” I was puzzled by this response. If she was so close, why hadn’t she killed me yet? I walked around the warehouse, trying to figure out where in Paris she was.
Drusilla was in an empty warehouse, surrounded by minions, and she was clutching a quite smashed Miss Edith in her anger. She was shrieking, “they’re in my head, stop, get out, get out, get out!”
I turned to Kendra. “I think I have enough information now. Please, take me back.”
“Okay. If dat’s what you want. Dey are waiting for you.” Another blinding flash, to Drusilla’s consternation, and I was back in the café. A wave of exhaustion hit me and I almost collapsed.
“You okay?” Rilla asked, as Spike jumped up to catch me. I saw their worried eyes and was puzzled.
“I’m fine. Just a dizzy spell.” I reassured them.
“Did you see her?” Kali queried. I nodded.
“I know where she is.” I sat down to regain my equilibrium. “This is something I have to do myself. I hope you understand.” I stared at my hands. “I promised.” I waited a few minutes, then stood up. “Thank you. But I’d better go home now.”
Spike looked at Rilla, then at me, and said, “I’ll go with you.” We left the café in silence, and walked home. As I unlocked the door, he whispered, “I’m leaving tonight. Good luck.” Then he quickly walked away as I stared at him in astonishment. As I entered my apartment, I realized that Buffy had probably sent that email the night before I’d gotten it. That meant they had left tonight, and were going to come tomorrow night… But I was tired, the spell had drained me, so I collapsed on my bed and was quickly ushered into dreamland.
When I awoke the next morning, I realized I hadn’t eaten real food in a long time. I made myself a piece of toast, and ate it in front of my laptop.
To: Dingoes_groupie @hotmail.com
From: leather_jacket @yahoo.com
Willow, I’ll return as soon as possible. I won’t be able to go online from where I am, so if anyone asks, I’m on a business trip. Assure Gabe that I’m not gone for good. Luck.
Spike
I checked with my coven, there was no news from Amy or Michael. I sent them a message about the spells I’d done, and discreetly told Amy about Kali and Rilla. Then I logged off and moped around a bit, cleaning randomly, checking my refrigerator. I had plenty of food for Xander. I’d even gone and bought some pig’s blood packets from Rilla for Angel. Mostly, though, I just waited. They got there at about eight. I saw them there, on my front step, and burst into tears.
“Group hug.” Xander proclaimed, dropping his stuff and pulling Cordy with him.
“C’mon, Angel,” Buffy said, as they hugged me. But he just stood there, holding their suitcases. So did Giles. After a while, my tears dried up, and I apologized.
“Angel, you can come in…” I said, trying to look as happy to see them as I felt. I tried talking to keep the grief away. “I figured, girls in my room, guys in the guest room. Unless you guys can come up with a better arrangement.” I showed them where to put their stuff. “The funeral is tomorrow night.” I decided that it was time for me to sleep. “Well, I’m tired. It is quite late here. So, I’ll go to bed, you guys can make yourselves at home.” I said, and I retired to my bedroom, where my comfortable bed awaited me.
At six, I awoke. I found everyone knocked out in my living room, except Angel. He was sleeping in the kitchen, away from the sunlight. I closed the blinds, then stepped nimbly over him to the refrigerator. Pouring myself a glass of cranberry juice, I turned on my laptop. I didn’t have any mail. I did a little class-work someone’d sent me, then curled up with a book, The Three Musketeers. I was in a very interesting part when Xander woke up. He plodded into the kitchen groggily, unconsciously stepped over Angel, and opened my fridge. He grabbed himself some cranberry juice, drained his glass, and set it in the sink. He walked in and sat down next to me.
“Hey, Will.” He said quietly. “How’re you dealing?” I closed my eyes.
“I’m okay.” I replied in a small voice. “It just doesn’t seem real.” A tear ran down my cheek, and Xander noticed it. He hugged me again, and I tried my best not to cry again. “Thank you,” I said softly.
“What’re best friends for?” He said, in an attempt for humor. I smiled wearily. Buffy woke up then, stretched, and panicked when she couldn’t find Angel. I pointed her to the kitchen, and she got up, curled up beside him, and fell asleep again.
“You can go back to sleep, you know.” I reminded Xander. “I’m okay.” He smiled gratefully, and in a few seconds I was once again the only one conscious in the room.
The rest of the day was basically uneventful. Every once in awhile I’d doze off, or someone would wake up. At seven I woke everyone up to get ready.
Few people showed up at the funeral. We said our goodbyes, the priest said some things, Oz being Christian, and then they lowered his casket into the ground and covered him. I was really out of it, still in shock. The gang and I stayed afterwards, but Buffy left for patrol, sticking a cross with a sharpened point into my hand. Angel remained, as did Xander. Cordelia patiently waited for him, but when it became clear to her that he wasn’t going to come soon, she left with Giles. Angel came to me and said he was deeply sorry.
“It’s my fault.” He said, doing the tortured thing. “I made Drusilla who she is, so it’s my fault. I’m so sorry, Willow.”
“It wasn’t you. Drusilla did this, and it’s not your fault at all,” I whispered. “Please, you’re my friend, and Oz’s. Don’t blame yourself.” But he did, and he tore himself away soon after that. Xander came up behind me then, and hugged me.
“I’m sorry, Will. I antagonized him too much. Now all that fighting is on my conscience.” I burst into tears.
“He’s really gone. I can’t believe he’s really gone. Oz…” I collapsed to the ground. “Oz…” Xander reached down to comfort me. “Go home, Xander. I need to be alone.” I said tearfully. “Please?” Kneeling at the headstone of my boyfriend’s grave, Xander mumbled a few words, then got up and turned to me.
“You’re sure you’re okay here alone?” I nodded in response. He stuck his hands in his pockets. “Okay. I’ll leave then.” As he walked away, snow started falling from the sky. Still sitting, I reluctantly stood up and caught some snowflakes in my hands. I closed my eyes, and a cold hand settled on my back. I jumped, and reopened my eyes.
“You okay, Red?” A British male voice asked.
“Spike.” I moaned tearfully. He put his arms around me and I burst into fresh tears.
“I’m here, Red. I’m here.” He comforted.
I knew what I needed to do now, and with a strangely calm voice, I said, “We’ve got to do it tonight.”
“We?” Surprised, Spike repeated me.
“You and me makes we.” Emotionless, my voice sounded odd. “With both of us, we have the element of surprise. She loves-or loved-you, and I’m in mourning.”
Spike knew I was right. After thinking a couple minutes, he said, “We’ve got to go to the café, first. I need to say goodbye to Gabey. And they’ve got weapons.” I agreed, so we left Oz’s freshly filled grave and went to avenge him. Spike’s former lover and her twin were out and about, so he kissed his sleeping son and wrote a note, saying where we’d gone. Then he took me to the basement.
“You’ve never been down here, have you?”
I solemnly replied, “No.” The basement was a regular armory. There were medieval weapons, as well as magickal and more recent ones. And a whole trunk of already carved stakes. Having learned weapon handling from Buffy at the same time as Cordelia’s beauty lessons, I grabbed and hid a few stakes, some holy water, and a cross. Then I took my weapon of choice, a crossbow. Spike raised an eyebrow at this, but I shrugged it off. He had armed himself much the same way, but with a sharp-edged staff. Of course, he hadn’t taken a cross, either. When we were finished, we left the café for the warehouse district.
“What the hell?” Spike swore as we walked up to the building I recognized. There were sounds of a scuffle inside. We raced in and saw who somehow found where Drusilla had been hiding.
“Miss Edith whispered to me, that you were coming, tonight,” Kali yelled as she launched herself at an oncoming minion.
Rilla was in the act of staking another when she bellowed, “She’s in there! Go!” We followed her direction into a bedroom, where Drusilla lay in wait, surrounded by her strongest minions.
“Hello, love. Did you forget your princess?” She held out her arms to Spike as she spoke. Suddenly, she drew her arms back and moaned. “Oh, oh, you’re still tainted!”
“It wasn’t the Gypsy curse, Dru. His soul is permanent.” I said with disdain. With this distraction, Spike lunged forward and staked a minion, game face suddenly on. I grabbed the crossbow at my side and shot the giggling, insane vampire. Her tone went angry, and her true face showed.
“You!” She screamed, feeling her wound. I’d missed; it only hit her in the arm.
“Yes, me. One thing you did wrong, Drusilla. You should have killed me, too.” I grinned evilly. “But now, I WILL avenge Oz.” I shot two minions, then dropped the bow and ran at her, tackling her and pinning her to the wall by her neck.
She gurgled, “Spikey…save your princess…” He glared at her, the killed the remaining minion brutally. Kali took that moment to dash in, screaming. I quickly ended Drusilla’s unlife. She screeched as she crumpled into dust.
“Have mercy on her poor, misguided soul.” I said bitterly. Then I crossed the room to the screaming, hyperventilating Kali.
“Rilla! Help Rilla!” She shrieked, pulling Spike into the other room. I followed, feeling strangely empty now.
Rilla was in the huge, empty room. As Spike entered the room and saw her, lying there pitifully, he dashed to her side. He lifted a hand sticky with her blood, and looked at me, eyes piercingly sad.
“Can you…?” He asked pleadingly. I kneeled by his side and bent over her, saw the stake dangerously close to her heart. I knew then that I couldn’t help her. She should have been long dead. I shook my head. My eyes filled with tears, and through them, I could see Spike sobbing, his body shaking with grief.
“S…Spike?” Rilla asked softly. “I…postponed it…had to…tell you…” Her voice trailed off. She took a deep breath, gasping, trying to regain the life she was going to lose again. “I…I love you…” Spike, surprised, opened his mouth to speak, to return the confession. Putting a finger to his lips, she whispered, “Don’t lie to me now. Take care…of them…” He bent down and kissed her softly, and she turned to dust in his arms, mumbling unintelligibly in Latin. I gasped as Spike was surrounded by light.
Kali took that moment to collapse on the floor. She went into a fit of despair, choking and writhing in agony. “Rills! Don’t!” She gasped. Tears rolled down her face, and her face changed to her true demonic visage. She swore, and spoke a few words in Latin, waving her hand around above her head. I heard lightning strike, quite near, and the power in the building flickered and went out. I smelled smoke, and realized that the bedroom we had fought in earlier was now aflame. I poured out a bottle of holy water, then helped Spike collect Rilla’s dust. Kali, however, had run out of the building in rage. When Rilla’s dust was all collected, we dashed out of the building as the flames spread. The earlier snow had turned to rain, drenching our bodies and sticking our clothing to our bodies. Then Spike broke down, and I held him as he cried. I felt warmth radiating from his body, and then, in shock, I pulled him off me, then felt his arm for a pulse. It was there, quite strong, and beating quite fast. Then I felt his forehead, and mine. His was burning up.
“Spike,” I said matter-of-factly. “You have a heartbeat. And a fever. I’m taking you to my place. May Buffy forgive me.” He stared at me in shock, mouth hanging open. Then he submissively followed me home.
Everyone was asleep, except Angel, who was staring at the snow-turned-rain running down the window. He didn’t notice me. I took Spike into the living room, and told him to lie on the couch. Then I went to the kitchen and got a wet washcloth, some aspirin, and a glass of water. He swallowed the pills hesitantly, drank the water, and fell asleep. I covered his head with the washcloth and sat down in a chair next to him. There I slept also, knowing that Oz was avenged.
I was awakened early in the morning, right before dawn, when Angel finally turned away from the window and noticed us. He freaked.
“Willow! What is HE doing here?!” Groggily, I went over and closed the curtains.
“HE is a friend, who happens to be sick. Leave him alone, and let me sleep.” I went and sat down again. I checked Spike’s forehead; he seemed warmer. So I got up and rewet his washcloth, and found my thermometer. Angel, frustrated with me, I assume, left to go tell Buffy. I didn’t care; Spike was sick. I had to take care of him. Shaking him gently, I whispered, “Spike, wake up, I need to take your temperature.”
Feverishly, he moaned, “Drusilla, go away.” When he opened his mouth, I shoved the thermometer under his tongue, making him gag. He opened his eyes, and he said around the thermometer, “Wiwwow… I wuv you…Why’m I so hot, wuvwy Wiwwow?” I forced myself to believe his mind wasn’t working right, he did have a fever.
“Shh, you have the flu. Do you have to throw up?” I asked. He shook his head, then his eyes went wide and he nodded. Checking his temperature quickly, I saw it was 104°. I helped him into the bathroom, and he lost his lunch. Then I helped him back to the couch, where he gladly collapsed and fell asleep. Replacing the washcloth on his forehead, I sat back down and fell asleep restlessly again.
An hour later I re-awoke, and slipped out into the rain. I bought a rose, then laid it on Oz’s grave, saying; “I will remember you. But I have to let you go. And now that I’ve avenged you, I can do that. Sleep well, my love.”
Then I visited the café. Kali had returned during the night. She slept fitfully, Rilla’s favorite things around her, all except Spike, and Gabe, who was asleep in his own bed. I smoothed Kali’s hair and whispered a remembered spell, one to heal a broken mind. Her tossing stopped, and I swear, a tear ran down her cheek. Then I went and got the child, writing Kali a note that I had him, and Spike, and both were fine. Gabriel slept in my arms as I walked through the rain, my heart and mind at peace.
Buffy didn’t kill the sick, sleeping Spike, though she hovered over him until I got home. She saw the child in my arms and ran to me.
“Will, please tell me you didn’t kidnap that boy for HIM,” She motioned to Spike, “to feed on.” I shook my head.
“Gabe, wake up.” I prodded the sleeping child. “Time to wake up.”
“Mommy?” He questioned sleepily. As I wasn’t ‘Mommy’ and neither was Buffy, he panicked. “Where’s Mommy? Where’s Daddy?” Ignoring Buffy’s stare, and Angel’s, I walked over to Spike and set Gabe down.
“Spike, you need to wake up again. It’s morning.” I said, taking the washcloth off his forehead and placing it in the sink. He moaned, saw my friends, and groaned.
Pulling his son into his lap, he whined, “Willow, my head. What did you do to me?”
“Daddy’s all hot. What’s wrong, Daddy?” I came back into the room with a piece of toast.
“Spike’s got the flu. He also has a pulse. And a soul. I’m quite aware of what I’m doing. I didn’t question your relationship with Angel. Don’t question my friendship with Spike.” I gave him the toast, and he ate it slowly, giving his son the rest when he finished.
“Willow, can I talk to you? In private?” Buffy said impatiently, pulling me into the bedroom, where Cordy was still sleeping. I yawned. The bed looked good, I was sooooo tired.
“Can we hurry up? I want to go to sleep.”
“Will, what’s this about? Oz dies, and you get a new honey like this?” She snapped her fingers.
“Okay, Spike is NOT my boyfriend. He’s a friend, and he’s got the flu. Besides, we’re both in mourning.”
Buffy, confused, said, “huh?”
“His son’s mother died last night. That’s why Gabe’s here today.” Buffy looked at me strangely. “She helped kill Drusilla. Last night.”
“What?! You went to fight Drusilla by yourself?” She almost screamed.
“I…I didn’t alone… I had to avenge him, I had to…” I burst into tears. Buffy put her arms around me and held me as I cried.
“Shh, Will. I’m sorry. I…just worry.” Her face was apologetic, but I could see her conflicting emotions in her eyes. As my tears tapered off, I could see Cordy shifting in her sleep. We went into the other room to avoid waking her. Xander was now berating Angel, who had verbally attacked ‘sick boy’.
“Angel! He’s sick! And he’s obviously better off than you are, because he’s gotten his mortality. Can you say that? I didn’t think so. Hi Will.” He cut off his defense, embarrassed. Spike, still awake, chuckled weakly. “He’s awake?!” Xander turned bright red. “You tricked me!” Gabriel got up from his perch with his father, and hugged our blushing friend. This, of course, made everyone laugh loudly. So loud, in fact, that we woke Cordelia. She came in the room and glared at everyone, then sat on the floor, leaning against the couch.
“Um… people?” I said in the silence following Cordelia’s entrance. “Spike needs to sleep. I think Angel does too.”
“Gabey’s supposed to go to a friend’s house. I think,” Spike said, trying to remember. He gave up soon, and turned to his son. “Gabe, you think you can tell Willow how to get to Aaron’s?”
“Yeah! Aaron’s fun!” Collecting the toddler, I noticed that Cordelia had passed out.
“Xander, help your girlfriend. Bye everyone. All vampires and former vampires need to SLEEP.” I said, leaving the apartment. “Well, kiddo, where to?”
When I returned to the apartment, Angel and Spike were the only ones still there. I felt the sleeping ex-vampire’s forehead, which was now regular temperature. Then Angel growled my name.
“Willow.”
“What? I’m not really in the mood right now, so make it quick.”
Angel flinched, then asked, “Are you okay?”
Silence followed Angel’s question. Then I sobbed, “There’s a big hole in my life, and I’ll never be okay.” My vampire friend got up and held me as I cried.
“I’d tell you it gets better, but it doesn’t really. After a while, you’ll recognize he’s gone less and less often, and you’ll beat yourself up over that.” He paused, and I realized that our cry was therapeutic for both of us.
“Okay… need to breathe now, Angel…” I said as he tightened his grip. I was released, and I stumbled to my room. “Goodnight.” I threw myself onto the bed, collapsing into blissful sleep.
I dreamed that Oz was telling me it was okay. Then he said that he loved me and faded away. I woke up screaming.
Spike was gone. He left me a note explaining he couldn’t stay, and that when I was ‘healed’ I could find him in Sunnydale. I went to Kali and Rilla’s to find it for sale, abandoned by Kali, with no forwarding address.
When I returned, the gang was back, and Xander informed me their plane left that night.
“I’ll miss you guys.” I said, dropping them off at the airport later. “Say hi to Faith for me.”
“Bye, Will.” They each said, leaving with a hug.
I returned to classes the next day. I finished school a year later, and debated going back. It took a long time to decide. I would be leaving the place where my whole life changed. I would be leaving Oz behind, Kali and Rilla’s café, and the apartment Oz and I had shared. I stayed half a year to tie up loose ends, then, on a plane back to California, I remembered the note Spike had left me. Realizing I wasn’t healed yet, I dropped them a letter and hopped a plane to Antarctica.
Losing myself in the beauty of the place, I learned more about myself. I realized that I’d moved on. I hadn’t seen it at the time, but I had fallen in love with the new Spike. For the first time in a long while, I wondered what he’d done with Rilla’s dust. After visiting a crèche of baby penguins, I realized it was time to go back to Sunnydale.
When I arrived at the airport, I called Angel. He said I could stay with him until I’d decided what I was going to do. After fretting nervously for a few days, I decided to go to Spike’s mansion. Angel had told me where it was, so I walked there as soon as it was dark. For awhile, I just watched him through a window. He had no idea that I was back in town, or that I was planning on staying, because I’d made Angel promise not to tell anyone; not even Buffy.
He was sitting in front of a fireplace, fire blazing inside. A book was in his hands, and he seemed fully absorbed in it. Unthinkingly, he’d left his door unlocked, so I crept in, very careful not to make a sound. I thrust my hands over his eyes, deepened my voice, and said, “Guess who?”
His body stiffened as he realized there was an intruder in his house. I giggled girlishly at the sudden contact.
He then set his book down carefully, pried my hands off, and turned around. Non-believing, he huskily breathed, “Willow?” His arms crushed me to him as he joyously spun me around in circles in his living room. “Willow, Willow, Willow,” he sang breathily in my ear. Our dance ended, and he set me down carefully.
I looked at him lovingly, and whispered softly, “I’m healed now.”
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