Dreamlove

Lyrics from "Higher" by Creed. Tell me if you want a prequel/sequel!

“I dreamed of her again last night.” I told Cordelia as I walked into the office. “I’m crazy, right?”
“Fickle, maybe, but crazy? No. You’re paying me, remember?” She filed more papers, then turned to me. “What happened this time?”
“We walked through the park.” She looked disappointed at my reply. “What, you were expecting something more?”
She sighed. “I was hoping for dirt, but then remembered you weren’t a typical guy.”
“Hey, I can be typical. She kissed me again.” Cordelia laughed. “That’s not typical?”
“Typical guy dream would be sex. And don’t have Wesley verify that, ‘cause he wouldn’t know, either.”
“If I had had sex with her, you wouldn’t hear about it.” I reminded her, and she sighed. “Besides, I don’t know her style.”
“I was wrong about the not being crazy thing.” She said, then sat down at her desk to begin writing something down. I sighed, and she looked back up at me. “Look, if you’re really wanting something here, write her a letter. I don’t know her well enough to give you advice – she’s not a typical girl, either.”
A walk seemed like a good idea. I grabbed my jacket and left.

When dreaming, I'm guided through another world
Time and time again
At sunrise, I fight to stay asleep
'cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place
'cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape
From the life I live when I'm awake

So I’m crazy, falling in love with two girls. It happens, especially when you’re immortal. The funny thing is, with all her years, Cordelia hasn’t fallen out of love with Xander yet. Sometimes I wonder if she’ll ever get over him – but then, it’s never been obvious. The only times I’ve really worried about her were the day after Willow’s mistake – and when he passed away. As long as I let her have her yearly pilgrimage to his grave, she’s fine the rest of the time. And I’m partially glad of that – it means she still hasn’t lost her sanity and gone back to Wesley.
I haven’t seen my goddess in two months – after she set up that bank account, she’s traveled around the world to wherever, whenever. I don’t worry about her too much; I’m too sure of the spell. It makes us a bit cocky at times, but I’ve never been like Spike. Speaking of, I think he’s with her. He knows she knows someone who can fix him, but both of us like him better with that chip in his head. It helps him identify the aliens, for some odd reason, so he helps us fight them. I don’t think he realizes that if we took the chip out, and he went back to killing humans, we’d kill him.
I want her back, but I’m afraid… Maybe I will write her a note. That’s one way to solve things.

So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask, can we stay?

I hold her as she cries over his grave, then we move on to Buffy’s, and she holds me. We both know we’ll never be over them – but we have each other, and that’s what matters. She wipes my tears away with her small hand, and kisses me with her sweet lips. I hear her heartbeat and hold her marvelously tiny body against mine, wondering what miracle made her so strong. Then she tells me she loves me, and we run home through the rain…
And the alarm goes off, viciously cutting short my dream, taking me away from my brief happiness to remind me of the real world. I take my head in my hands to massage my headache away, and it doesn’t work. Apparently I’d given myself a hangover again. So I start my day with a sigh and a headache, and the painful realization of my fantasy’s untruth. Wesley informs me of an alien lair near town, and Cordelia draws up a battle plan.
God, I wish Spike were here. He would tell me to “stop being such a bloody lovesick poof,” and probably fight with me, try to get it out of my system. There hasn’t been anyone for him since Harmony; he’s given up on love completely. Instead, I begin to write that note while we bide our time until the attack.

Can you take me higher?
To the place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To the place with golden streets

The battle is over quickly. Wesley, miraculously, has survived without one wound. Cordelia made it out in a much worse condition; she had been fighting a mother for her hybrid child. “Nature versus nurture,” she argued with me. “We can raise it to help us. It’s half human, like you, Angel – and we gave you a chance.”
“I wouldn’t have been able to kill a baby either, Cordelia.” I said softly. “It’s not a weakness.” She smiled weakly, and her response is said with a hoarse voice.
“It looks almost like Xander.”
Wesley put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and I wipe away a tear that gently rolled down her cheek.
It was quickly decided to let the child stay with us.

Although I would like our world to change
It helps me to appreciate
Those nights and those dreams
But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights
If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same
The only difference is
To let love replace all our hate

I sent off the letter as soon as we returned home. Cordelia took Wesley out to buy baby supplies, and I settled down to read a book, watching the baby sleep beside me. It only woke once, hungry, and I fed it some of my blood before it fell asleep again. It’s been a long time since I’ve had contact with young children.
And it does not look like Xander, despite what Cordelia says.

So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask, can we stay?

Wesley, for once, had a date, so Cordelia and I set up the bassinet together, and she interrogated me as we did.
“Did you send her a note?”
“Yeah, I did.” My response was short, reluctant to give her any false hope.
“You think she’ll come back?” Her voice sounded wistful, like she missed her. I suppose it’s because she’s the only other one who remembers Xander with love.
“I don’t know,” I tell her. “I hope that she does.”

Can you take me higher?
To the place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To the place with golden streets

That night, I dreamed of her again. She was holding a child – yet it was a child with red hair, not the baby we’d rescued. I wondered whose it was; hopefully, she had not let an alien take her. If she had… I was going to kill Spike.
Mothers of alien hybrids rarely survive without paralysis.
“If she’s pregnant, she or Spike would have told us.” Cordelia reassured me over her omelet. “Unless she’d fallen for the alien.”
“Cordelia, don’t tell him that.” Wesley reprimanded. “He came to us for hope, not fear.”
“It’s okay. I know what she means.” I told him. “Thank you.”
“So, Wesley, get any action last night?” Cordelia asked.
As always, Wesley turned bright red.

So let's go there
Let's go there
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask, can we stay?

“She should have read my note by now,” I told the baby as I rocked it to sleep. “She should have decided by now.”
“Stop brooding so damn much, Angel.” Spike surprised me. I almost dropped the baby. “When’d you get one of those things? It’s not Cordelia’s, is it?” He inspected the baby carefully. “Looks like Xander.”
“It does not look like Xander.” I argued. “Cordelia picked it up at the last raid. Couldn’t kill it.”
Spike nodded. “Good for her.”
“Why are you here?”
“I asked him to come.” I heard from outside the door. Then my goddess walked in the room, her usual smile gone from her face.

Up high, I feel like I'm
Alive for the
Very first time
Said up high, I'm strong enough
To take these dreams
And make them mine

She was here, and my heart skipped a beat. For the second time that night, I almost dropped the child. “Spike, could you…” He nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him. I put the baby in the crib and we stood there in silence for a moment.
“I got your note.” She said finally.
“Yeah?”
She smiled wryly. “Thank you.” She took a step forward hesitantly, then slowly reached up to kiss me softly.

Said up high, I'm strong enough
To take these dreams
And make them mine

I gathered her into my arms, kissing her again, deepening the kiss, then broke the kiss to let her breathe.
I searched her eyes and found what I had hoped for, what I’d wanted so very badly. A tear of happiness slipped down her cheek, and I kissed it away.
“I love you.” I whispered fiercely, before kissing her again, making a trail down her neck. She sighed with pleasure.
“It’s been a very long time since I’ve heard that.” She said softly. “I’d almost given up on ever hearing it from you.”
I almost missed her words, and when I realized what she’d said, I was shocked into silence.
“I’ve loved you a long time, Angel.” She murmured, looking into my eyes, deep into my soul. And I swept her into my arms and ran to my bedroom.

Can you take me higher?
To the place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To the place with golden streets

Clothes were scattered all over the floor, and Willow slept peacefully in Angel’s arms. He smiled, and brushed a lock of hair out of her face, finally content.
A piece of paper was perched precariously on the corner of the bed, then slowly fell to the ground. Five words were written on it.

Willow;
I love you.
Angel.

Can you take me higher?
To the place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To the place with golden streets…

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