I Loved Her

Sweet Willow, so pure, so loving. Gone forever. Cordelia saw it about an hour ago, and I came as quickly as I could. Who knew that our little naïve Willow would suicide?
I came because I loved her. Who didn’t? Who could resist her? She had very little self-esteem, but that only emphasized her true beauty. Cordelia and Buffy tried so hard… Don’t get me wrong, Buffy is always beautiful, but still… even on her worse day, Willow outshone her. She was so different from any other girl I’d ever met – shy and old fashioned like girls from my era, with the sophistication, intelligence, and independence of this age. I knew I could have only one, and I chose Buffy. I often wonder nowadays what my life would have been like had I chosen Willow. Maybe she’d still be alive. Maybe I wouldn’t be. Fate is funny that way. It’s hard seeing her there with all her blood all over, seeing Buffy crying, seeing Spike shattered worse than when Drusilla left him. Spike… William…
My poor Spike. He’s like my son, and I love him like a father would. I know he loved her – he has this endearing habit of calling me almost daily these days. It’s sad that that will probably stop now. But why would Willow kill herself? He says she was so happy… She had so much to live for, despite Oz’s leaving. Buffy’s found a note. I’m almost afraid to read it, but this morbid curiosity of mine…
Oh, God, William…Spike…! Dust coats us like snow. I suppose I should be happy for him, because…Willow was his new reason for living. What courage he has, though… and how dark my life will be without him, without her…
“Goodbye, William.” I whisper. “Tell her I love her.” I hope he finds her. Beautiful Willow…

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