Buffy: "Giles, care? I'm putting my life on the line, battling the undead. Look, I broke a nail, ok? I'm wearing a press-on. The least you could do is exhibit some casual interest; you can go hmm."
Giles: "Hmm."
-"Prophecy Girl"

"Cool, crossbow, check out these babies. Goodbye stakes! Helloooo flying fatality" - Buffy
"Angel"

"If you're so amped about hell, why don't you go there?"

"I know this one. Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, biddie blah, I'm so stuffy give me a scone."
- Buffy, "Inca Mummy Girl"

Spike: "Who the hell is this?"
Buffy: "It's your lucky day, Spike..."
Kendra: "Two slayers..."
Buffy: "No waiting..."

"I can't wait for the boys to go non-verbal when they see you."
- Buffy, "Halloween"

Ben: "We had Algebra II together last year."
Buffy: "Sorry. I pretty much repress anything math related."
(My personal fave Buffy Quote. Only 'cause I have Algerbra Two last year, and I repressed)

Buffy: "Oh, yeah. I remember now. It's the one with the desks and the chalkboards and pencils and stuff, right?"
Ben: "Yeah."
Buffy: (taps her head) "Like a steel trap."
- IOHEFY

Buffy: I can't do this. I can't take care of things. I killed my gigapet. Literally, I sat on it and it broke!

"Cordelia, your mouth is open and sound is coming from it. This is never good." - Buffy (Whe She Was Bad)

"I'm Buffy. The Vampire Slayer. And you are...?" -Buffy (Anne)

"Private school? You mean, like jackets and kilts? You want me to get field hockey knees?" -Buffy (Dead Man's Party)

"That's right, Big Boy. Come and get it." -Willow (Anne)

Willow: "Okay, I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh yeah, 1-800-I'm -dating-a-skanky-ho"
Buffy: "Meow!"
Willow: "Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a meow before."
Buffy: "Well deserved."
Willow: "Darn tootin'"

Kendra: "The Slayer Handbook insists on it."
Buffy: "Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?"
Willow: "Is there a t-shirt too? 'Cause that would be cool."

Willow: Don't forget, your supposed to be a meak little girlygirl like the rest of us.

"Do you often steal weapons from the military base?" -Oz
"Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun" -Willow

Ms. Calendar: Cordelia's going to meet us.
Xander: Ooh gang, you here that? A bonus day of class plus cordelia, mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever. (The Dark Age)

Xander: "You were looking at my neck."
Angel: "What?"
Xander: "You were checking out my neck, I saw that."
Angel: "No I wasn't."
Xander: "Just keep your distance, pal."
Angel: "I wasn't looking at your neck."
Xander: "I told you to eat before we left."
- "Prophecy Girl"

"I am the bug man, coo-coo cachoo"
-What's My Line?

"Hey, larvae boy! Yeah, I'm talking to you, ya big cootie!" - Xander, "What's My Line?" (part 2)

"I laugh in the face of danger, and then I hide until it goes away." - Xander, "The Witch"

Willow: "I mean, why else would she be acting like a b-i-t-c-h?"
Giles: "Willow, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out."
Xander: "A bitca?"

Xander: "Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with dead boy on this one."
Angel: "Would you not call me that?"
-Lie to Me.

"Oh please forgive me your swim teamliness."
-Xander "Go Fish"

Xander: I do not babble. I occationally run on, every now and then I yammer.

Xander: Looks like Mr. Cautionman but the sound he makes is funny.

"To read makes our speaking English good" - Xander (I Robot--You Jane)

"On a scale of one to ten? It sucked." Xander (Prophecy Girl)

"I have the worst taste in women of anyone in the world, ever." -Xander (Inca Mummy Girl)

"Ho-Hos are a vital part of my cognitive process!" - Xander (WML pt.1)

"I sometimes like things that are not good for me." Xander (Ted)

"I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this." -Xander (BBB)

Xander: "I kind of had a problem with the math."
Willow: "Which part?"
Xander: "The math."
- Welcome to the Hellmouth

"Whoa, let's stop this crazy whirlygig of fun. I'm dizzy."
- Angel

"First, the dummy says he's a demon hunter. Then the dummy disappears, and now we've got this brain. Does anyone else feel like they've been Kaiser Soce'd here?"
(I love this 'cause of the Usual Suspects quotage)

"Angel, Angel, Angel - why does every conversation we have have to end up on that freak?
(Looking up at Angel)
Hey, how's it going?"

"You know, I think there may be a valuable lesson for you gals here about inviting strange men into your bedrooms."
- Passion

Xander: "Hello! Excuse me, but have you ever heard of knockin'?"
Jonathan: "We're supposed to get some books...on Stalin."
Xander: "Does this look like a Barnes & Noble?"
Giles: "This is a school library, Xander."
Xander: "Since when?"

Giles: "He's just trying to provoke you, to taunt you, to-to goad you into, uh, some mishap or some other sorts."
Xander: "The nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah approach to battle."
Giles: "Yes, Xander. Once more you've managed to boil a complex thought down to its simplest possible form."

Xander: "Hey, how come Buffy doesn't get a snotty 'once again you boil it down to the simplest form' thing?"
Giles: "..."
Xander: "Watcher's pet."

Xander: "Well, good morning, ladies! And what did you two do last night?"
Willow: "We had kind of a pajama party sleepover with weapons thing."
Xander: "Oh, I don't suppose either of you had the presence of mind to locate a camera to capture the moment?"

"I'm sorry, but let's not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying 'I told you so' long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the, uh, fiend that murdered his girlfriend, I say, 'Faster, pussycat, kill, kill.'"

"Willow, nice dress. Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears." - Cordelia, "Welcome to the Hellmouth"

"God! What is your childhood trauma?!" - Cordy, "What's My Line" (part one)

"Look, Buffy, we'ver never really been close - which is cool cause I don't really like you that much... But you have saved the world on occasion, so I'm going to give you some advice. Get over it. Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever. Just get over it. Cause pretty soon you won't even have the loser friends you've got now."

Cordelia: "You can clean until Judgement Day, you're living with those stains."
Ms. Calender: "Yeah, that's the worst thing about being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat. The stains."
Cordelia: "I hear ya."

"Well, maybe next time, I'll bring you with me, Spike. Might be handy to have you around if I ever need a really good parking space."
- Passion

"Good dogs, don't bite." -Angel "Angel"

Gage: She acts like she's Gods gift or something.
Angel: Yeah, she thinks she like, the Chosen One.
-Angel "Go Fish"

Angel: You can't do it. You can't kill me. (Buffy kicks Angel)
Buffy: Give me time.

Buffy: "Who are you?"
Angel: "Let's just say I'm a friend."
Buffy: "Well, maybe I don't want a friend!"
Angel: "I didn't say I was yours."

"Danced with is a pretty loose term - mated with would probably be more accurate."

"See - every time we fight, you bring up the vampire thing."

Spikeisms:

"So, who do you kill for fun around here?"

"You were there? Please... if every vampire who said he was at the crucifixtion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. I was actually at Woodstock. That was a wierd gig. I fed off a flower person and I spent the next six hours watching my hand move."

"Yeah, I did a couple slayers in my time. I don't like to brag. Who am I kidding? I LOVE to brag."

"It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell all my friends. None of them have a rock this big."
- Becoming

"Someone wasn't worthy."
-Becoming

Joyce: Do I know you?
Spike: Yeah, you hit me in the head with an axe, remember, 'Get the Hell away from my daughter'.
Joyce: Oh. *long pause* So, do you live around here?

"You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man, my - my Yoda!"
- Spike, "School Hard"

"Then MAKE IT A LANGUAGE! Isn't that what a transcriber does?!" -Spike (WML pt1)

"Our man Angel here likes to talk, but he's not much for action. All hat and no cat."
- I Only Have Eyes For You

Angel: "Try to have fun without me."
Spike: "Oh I will. Sooner than you think."
- IOHEFY

My absolute fave quote of all Buffy-time:
S: Hey! White flag here. I quit.
B: Let me clear this up for you. We're mortal enemies. We don't get time-outs.
S: You want to go around, pet, I'll have a gay old time of it. You want to stop Angel... we're gonna have to play this a bit differently.
B: What are you talking about?
S: I'm talking about your ex, pet. I'm talking about putting him in the bloody ground.
B: This has gotta be the *lamest* trick you guys have ever thought up.
S: He's got your Watcher. Right now, he's probably torturing him.
B: What do you want?
S: I told you. I want to stop Angel. I want to save the world.
B: Okay. You do remember that you're a vampire, right?
S: We like to talk big. Vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy the world.' That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Picadilly. Farewell, Leicester Bloody Square. You know what I'm saying? S: I want Dru back. I want it like it was before he came back. The way she acts around him...
B: You're pathetic. I lost a friend tonight!
S: I wasn't in on that raiding party.
B: And I may lose more! The whole earth may be sucked into Hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to *not* care.
S: I can't fight them both alone, and neither can you!
B: I hate you.
S: And I'm all you've got.
B: All right. Talk.

Another fave:
B: That I'm, uh... in a band. A-a rock band with Spike here.
S: Right. She plays the, the triangle.
B: Drums.
S: Drums, yeah. She's, uh, hell on the old skins, you know.
Joyce: Hmm. And, uh, what do you do?
S: *angry glare* Well, I sing.

B: Do we really need weapons for this?
S: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.
- School Hard

B: You shouldn'ta come here.
S: No. I've messed up your doilies and stuff. But I just got so bored. I'll tell you what. As a personal favor from me to you I'll make it quick. It won't hurt a bit.
B: No, Spike. It's gonna hurt a lot.
- School Hard

Oh, look at my mask, isn't it pretty. It raises the dead. Bloody Americans.
-Giles (Dead Man's Party)

"Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons." -Giles (The Pack)

"I appreciate your thoughts on the matter. In fact I encourage you to always challenge me when you feel it's appropriate. You should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong."
- I Only Have Eyes For You

"A vampire in love with a slayer... It's rather poetic, in a maudlin sort of way."

Ozisms:

As Willow goes, so goes my nation.
- Homecoming

Who is that girl.

I think it would be cute blood.
- Becoming (part 1)