::a . l o v e . p o e m::

i miss you.

i know things are very different now from how 
they were last year around this time, and
i haven't talked to you in forever.

maybe that's because the last time i did, 
memories flooded back of late nights and
long conversations; of smooth vocals and
sweet romance.
and my heart hurt, because i missed that.
(i'm not very good at dealing with pain.)

mahal, i can't help it - i would still give my world
to have you love me.

i wish things didn't have to change last June,
or end as abruptly as they did.
it was painful for me to leave you.
nobody would believe that after only a month,
i could be in so deep.

my first love became you; all that was me was yours.
when you held me, i prayed that the moment would 
last a lifetime and that you
would love me always.

   it now comes to my attention that those 
   kinds of prayers are rarely answered.

i miss you.
you, with your rich, velvety singing voice and 
agile piano fingers.
the mental pictures of your spiky hair and dimples
reside in my love for you, 
because they're really all i have left -
along with what
i can remember.

i do remember, though.

i remember the night i gave you my heart
   to the lilting tunes of Lauryn Hill.
i remember our first slow dance.
i remember the thought of you brightening
   my morning when i missed you from
   the other side of the world.
i remember how gently you held my hand.
i remember you trying to teach me how to play
   Marvel versus Capcom with your arms
   wrapped close around me from the back
   and your chin resting on my shoulder.
i remember feeling loved.
i remember the first time you kissed me,
   sitting there on the side steps of my school
   all innocent and strong.
i remember you smiled like the sun through Seattle rain.
i remember you fishing for your keys 
   and handing me your id instead.
"Since I don't need this anymore, do you want it?"
i remember when you slipped a ring into my left pocket
   and patted my ass on my way inside, leaving me 
   wondering if you meant to do that.
i remember you asking me if i'd be your girl.
i remember walking with you downtown and
   rollin with you on Metro, me naive and lost;
   you leading me back and assuring me that
   you'd protect me.
i remember feeling so safe.

i miss that too.

i also remember how much i cried
   and how angry i was
   when i read the email from my best friend
   that said that you were a player.
i remember i tried to hate you then, but i couldn't.
i remember my tita telling me
   that there would be others, but all the while 
   i was thinking that none would be exactly
   like you...so why should i bother?
i remember the only time i ever regret who i was
   was when you proved you could
   no longer love me.
i remember when i tried to take my sore,
   bruised and slightly wilted heart back from you
   through a letter, but i accidentally left
much of my love
with you.

so the void
left within me
is my reminder that a part of me
is yours for always, somehow,
even after everything that happened.

like i said before,
i can't help it.

i miss you.
and i guess i just wanted you to know that.

Copyright © May 07, 1999 Angel Artistries. All rights reserved.