Cannot

Shut the door as I walked in Cleared off the heater and started it Pulled on a jacket from my best guy friend I'm an inch taller than he but it still fits The radio plays Ben Folds Five And it makes me feel so lonely Climbed out the window to watch the stars shine The crescent moon makes me lonely I cannot stand to watch myself die I cannot stand to watch you see me die I cannot stand to let you go I cannot stand to let you know I hide myself inside this box I hide guilt and fear I try not to listen to the voices talk But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes They're the only thing I can hear Closed the window as I climb back in It's beginning to get warm in here Read an article about Prince William He's finally found a smile and cheer I find some clothes for tomorrow Going shopping with my mom She doesn't know about my sorrow I've gotten better at keeping myself calm I cannot stand to watch myself lose I could not make myself make you choose I cannot stand to let you all go I cannot stand to let you know I hide myself inside this box I hide guilt and fear I try not to listen to the voices talk But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes They're the only thing I can hear I find some socks, fill up the hamper Take it downstairs, avoid my dad Kicked the dog, felt sorry as she whimpered But it's hard to restrain me when I'm feeling bad Pet the dog, pick up the cat Fed the last of the fish to her She absorbed the heat from where I sat Back in my room, I hear them whisper "We cannot stand to see you cry We cannot stand when you ask us why." I cannot make them come or go I cannot stand to let you know I hide myself inside this box I hide guilt and fear I try not to listen to the voices talk But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes They're the only thing I can hear Mom and Dad, I hear them laughing But I can't tell if they're real or not The talk show sounds, audience clapping About new mocha latte shops I paint my nails, ignore the voices Persistent pessimistic fiends Alone like this, so many choices They tell me I'm crazy, that I'm insane I cannot stand to hear them talk I cannot hear my father knock I cannot feel the car start and go I cannot stand to let you know I hide myself inside this box I hide guilt and fear I try not to listen to the voices talk But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes They're the only thing I can hear Hospital sounds, sudden sterility I can't remember where I am The nurse stares, I'm insecurity Was I sitting, or did I stand? The hallways echoed back my footsteps The voices laughed at me and my fear Mom is crying; I asked her why she wept She said, "I wish that you weren't here, I cannot stand to see you in pain I cannot let you be insane I cannot stand to see you go." And I cannot stand to let them know I hide myself inside this box I hide guilt and fear I try not to listen to the voices talk But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes They're the only thing I can hear In twenty years today I may be released I won't hear the voices say anything They told me, "We feed on your grief." Until that time, I will feel nothing I was a poet, I was an artist Now I'm an asylum inmate Emotions gone; the voices silenced Drugged up, spaced out; I am sedate I cannot stand to let me die I cannot stand to lose my mind I cannot stand to let this go I cannot stand to let them know I hid myself inside this box I still hide guilt and fear I tried not to listen to the voices talk But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes They're the only thing they think I hear

This is the actual chain of events comprising my worst fear: that people will deem me crazy and send me off to a sterile, impassionate environment (i.e., asylum) and i will be numbed of emotion and creativity.

. **jstop