Cannot
Shut the door as I walked in
Cleared off the heater and started it
Pulled on a jacket from my best guy friend
I'm an inch taller than he but it still fits
The radio plays Ben Folds Five
And it makes me feel so lonely
Climbed out the window to watch the stars shine
The crescent moon makes me lonely
I cannot stand to watch myself die
I cannot stand to watch you see me die
I cannot stand to let you go
I cannot stand to let you know
I hide myself inside this box
I hide guilt and fear
I try not to listen to the voices talk
But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes
They're the only thing I can hear
Closed the window as I climb back in
It's beginning to get warm in here
Read an article about Prince William
He's finally found a smile and cheer
I find some clothes for tomorrow
Going shopping with my mom
She doesn't know about my sorrow
I've gotten better at keeping myself calm
I cannot stand to watch myself lose
I could not make myself make you choose
I cannot stand to let you all go
I cannot stand to let you know
I hide myself inside this box
I hide guilt and fear
I try not to listen to the voices talk
But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes
They're the only thing I can hear
I find some socks, fill up the hamper
Take it downstairs, avoid my dad
Kicked the dog, felt sorry as she whimpered
But it's hard to restrain me when I'm feeling bad
Pet the dog, pick up the cat
Fed the last of the fish to her
She absorbed the heat from where I sat
Back in my room, I hear them whisper
"We cannot stand to see you cry
We cannot stand when you ask us why."
I cannot make them come or go
I cannot stand to let you know
I hide myself inside this box
I hide guilt and fear
I try not to listen to the voices talk
But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes
They're the only thing I can hear
Mom and Dad, I hear them laughing
But I can't tell if they're real or not
The talk show sounds, audience clapping
About new mocha latte shops
I paint my nails, ignore the voices
Persistent pessimistic fiends
Alone like this, so many choices
They tell me I'm crazy, that I'm insane
I cannot stand to hear them talk
I cannot hear my father knock
I cannot feel the car start and go
I cannot stand to let you know
I hide myself inside this box
I hide guilt and fear
I try not to listen to the voices talk
But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes
They're the only thing I can hear
Hospital sounds, sudden sterility
I can't remember where I am
The nurse stares, I'm insecurity
Was I sitting, or did I stand?
The hallways echoed back my footsteps
The voices laughed at me and my fear
Mom is crying; I asked her why she wept
She said, "I wish that you weren't here,
I cannot stand to see you in pain
I cannot let you be insane
I cannot stand to see you go."
And I cannot stand to let them know
I hide myself inside this box
I hide guilt and fear
I try not to listen to the voices talk
But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes
They're the only thing I can hear
In twenty years today I may be released
I won't hear the voices say anything
They told me, "We feed on your grief."
Until that time, I will feel nothing
I was a poet, I was an artist
Now I'm an asylum inmate
Emotions gone; the voices silenced
Drugged up, spaced out; I am sedate
I cannot stand to let me die
I cannot stand to lose my mind
I cannot stand to let this go
I cannot stand to let them know
I hid myself inside this box
I still hide guilt and fear
I tried not to listen to the voices talk
But sometimes, sometimes, sometimes
They're the only thing they think I hear
.
This is the actual chain of events comprising my worst fear: that people will deem me crazy and send me off to a sterile, impassionate environment (i.e., asylum) and i will be numbed of emotion and creativity.
.
**jstop
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