This story means alot to me. I'm not sure why...but it really tells whats in my messed up soul. This was the first decent hanfic I ever wrote, and all the boppers seem to love it. I guess because they think it's romantic. But its not at all. I don't get it, personnaly. I think people don't really understand it. These two characters are NOT boyfriend/girlfriend. Try to guess thier relationship yourself. I can really idenify with this story, the feelings and the silent, screaming pain of denial and not being able to have someone you want so bad it stabs you inside. Hope it makes you think. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ As long as a could remember I had known Him. Who knows? Maybe we were born together. Maybe we came from the very same womb .Who knows? That’s what I believed. But we were close. Maybe to close. We did a lot of things together. We knew each other so well, it was scary for everyone . But us. Maybe we were “soul mates”. Or so what everyone said. We were friends though. As close as ever a friend could be. One time, at Holloween last year, Taylor had gone out with his little “rocker” friends, even though he was no rocker himself, and had gotten into some deep trouble hijacking some old ladies car. Why? He said because it was” fun and something to do”. Taylor was so smart, that he almost pulled it off. With his beauty and his streaked blond hair an his tight leather pants, he was an angel in disguise. Of course, no one took his hit for long. Who saved his sorry ass? Me. Why? Cause I loved him. He had ran up to me, sweating and freaking out, saying that the cops were after him and all. I had smiled. Saying that he could fend for himself because he was a big boy, but he had begged me to take the blame. Why had I done it? Who knows. Because I loved him. .That was sure a trial. I had to go to the station when I would have rather slept, and had to live through lectures and stares about my” behavior”. The cops were to lame in my town. All they did was sit there eating donuts and stuffing their faces with catered sandwiches. Complaining about how” teenagers were today”. They let me go, after my father assured them that I would “never do it” again. Figures. How much did my father know? Next time Tay needed me, there I would be. Ha. Was I a lucky one. “”Tay, I can’t cover you anymore. People are starting to suspect me.” I said. Taylor bit his lip and focused his eyes on mine and frowned. “Suspecting you? Who?” “My dad. The last time with the hijacking thing. Now he thinks I’m a hard core criminal. I mean, a ladies car? A Honda accord? I mean, it wasn’t a mustang. No wonder he thinks I’m strange.” I finished. Taylor chose his words carefully. He knew I was mad. Not too much though. I could’nt be at him. He would just look at me with those electric blue laser sharp eyes. “Well, I just need to once more. For a deal. I want you to watch me cover. Just this once. and if I’m busted on this deal, I’m toast.” That’s what he always said. Just once more. “That’s what you always say’ I said, leaning back on his leopard print bed and sighing. He leaned back and was quiet for a second. Debating weither or not to persuade me more, or to leave it be. “Can’t you get one of your rocker “friends” to do it? I’m busy.” I concluded. But I know I wasn’t. He knew I wasn’t. What else was I put on this earth for other then to help him with his little charades and deals? “Nah. Jimmys busted and Jason’s going straight. Besides, this is my deal.” I layed my head on his chest. I trailed my hands down the smooth black leather of his belt, thinking. Tay needed me. Either that, or was just to paranoid to do it himself. Figured. He always said I was perfect for it all. I was the innocent looking one. I was the cute one. I was the one no cop would never suspect. That’s why they always let me go with little or no care. I was cute. No one ever suspected me Once, when Taylor had been in a big mess …..Wasn’t he always in a big mess? He owed this guy a load of money over a bet. That’s Tay. Always getting himself in to a bet he can’t hold. He wanted to me to hook for him to make some extra cash. He said I could get away with I, looking like a angel in a devil suit. He wa’snt my pimp. I don’t know what he was. I did. I charged a 100 bucks a hour, I slept with over 20 guys. All pigs. For him. He had needed me then. Maybe he needed me now, too? “Okay. I’ll do it. Where do I keep watch? “ I asked. I was still laying on him, staring at his shrine on he ceiling of pictures. Pictures of people who knew us. Marveled at our friendship. Despised it. Loathed it. “Out on Henry street tomorrow. 12:oo. Just about a half of an hour. I just need to meet up with this Jared. Watch for cop cars and all. You know the usual. “ He said. I layed on top of him and layed my hips on his. I could feel him. I wanted himmmore then then i ever had in my whole life. He was so beautiful. but only the beautiful things are the ones you can't have. "Do you remember Taylor, when we were young, we used to dream of fairy tale marriages and carriages with golden horses, and we dreamed we would live on the beaches of Miami, surfing all day and eating mangos?? It was our dream to live that. Do you remember?? " Taylor smiled. We had been happy then. He did'nt say anything. I knew he remembered. But we had forgotton all we ever wanted. We had been lost in the fakily beautiful world of drugs, sex and glitter glitz. "I remember " was all he said. As I ran my hand down his stomach, I thought about us. Sure I wanted him, I always would. But i was happy as we were, I desided. "So are you on this ??" He asked, playing with the folds of my hair. “Alright.”____________________________________________________________________________________________________ I wonder why I never questioned why I was standing here. Looking like a hooker on Pleasant street. I pink flower in a sea of black roses. It’s so funny how things are never what they seem. I mean, here I was, standing on a street lined with cheery pink houses and perfectly clean bus stops. Funny. Taylor stood right behind this building I was infront of, talking I low tones to a guy I didn’t know. This was no problum though. No cop cars, good. I didn’t need to deal with cops and cop cars right now. With there flashing red lights and evil stares. Foxes of the city, I called them. Of course, if they caught me, I could always get out of it. Tell them some lie they’re dumb fat minds would believe. Or tell dad. Daddies >little girl does no bad. Hah. If only he knew what I did for Taylor. Taylor came up to see and asked if id seen any cops. I said no. He asked me id I’d seen any cop cars .I shook my head and popped a purple piece of gum in my mouth and adjusted my purple skirt. “Are you done with this deal yet? “ I smugly asked, knowing he was paranoid about the cops. He was standing there looking really nervous, with his hands in his pockets, he was never sought to be a dealer. Too nervous and smart. Always thinking he was gonna get busted. “Jason is looking in his car for his money.”He answered. I smirked and turned to face him. I looked up at the sky then my watch and said, “It’s getting late. And dark. We should leave soon. “ I said. His blond hair was falling in his face from the wind. I brushed it away and took his hands out of his pockets. “Look for tough, boy! ‘ I teased. “You don’t look all big and bad and dealish to me.” “Dealish is not even a word.” He said, stepping back and leaning against the wall of the building.I layed my hands behind his waist and felt the smooth , cool leather o his pants beneath my hands. I layed my had in the crook of his neck and breathed in his face slowly, so he would be sure to smell the grape in my bubble gum. He hated grapes. Always have. Why? Who knows. He says grapes make him nervous. “Yes it is.”I hissed. Trying to sound all tough and bullish, the way I wanted him to be. He laughed. Figures. He always took me seriously, though. Just never listened. He left when he saw this dealer friend approach. I resumed my watch on the street. Figured. I asked myself again why I was doing this. Simple. Cause he needed me. And because I loved him. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I don’t think I’m getting out this time. No way. They’re serious. Said some bull about how they’re “warned me” to many times before. Warned me? I can’t even remember the first time they warned me about anything. The year before last, when me and Taylor were 15. Yeah, That sounded right. That time we had snuck out of the house to go to a party down the street, innocent. Who does’nt go to parties? There had been this girl there, who I did’NT know, but Taylor did. For some reason, the whole night she was bugging Taylor to have sex with her. She wanted his beauty. He didn’t like her. But she black mailed him, telling him if he didn’t, she would tell his parents “all about” him. Whatever that ment. Taylor was threatened. Barging in on our lives like that, pushing into our friendship? Bitch. He wanted me to kill her. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. Not even for him. I watched. While he beat the living shit out of her. Did she deserve it? Yes. She was a bitch. I could have killed her too. So could he. Laying there, begging for mercy, crying out for him to stop. Maybe he over did it, I think I think of now. Hope she enjoyed it, though. She got what she wanted, but for a clean price. I hope she savored the flow of his body on her, moving against hers, complexly lost in all his images and visions. She hadn’t deserved that. That was the only time we ever got caught. It was usually just me who got caught. I always saved him. I always got out too. Even out of that one, because I said I was drunk. Hah. They believed it. whatever that ment. not this time, though. They caught me. Little pixie dealer I was. Or so they thought. Did Taylor get caught, brought away in a cop car, cursing at him self for being so dumb? No. Just me. As usual. Figured. It always figures. Taylor visited me in this dump. This place is the pits, I tell you. All the girls are either anorexic, prostatutes, killers or psychos. All hat I have been at some point in my life. When he walked in, everyone told me he was hot. They marveled at his beauty and grace. Whatever. There is so much more to him than that, I wanted to say. What was the use? I was the only one here who knew him. Loved him. Lived for him. “Hey Aurora.” He said, sitting down next to me on the old ratted down from years of wear couch in the visitor’s room. “How’s it going? This place is shit. I’m sorry you ended up here. You’ll be out soon” That is all he said. Didn’t have to say more. I know he wanted to thank me . Too tell me he’d get me out soon. To tell me he missed me. I knew he did. I knew what he ment. Someday. We breathed the same air. I’d be out soon, though. If he said I was, I would be. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ “Thanks, Tay. But for know” I smirked. “I guess I’ll have to share stories or gang rapes and anorexic battles and gang beat ups with my little new uppity friends here.” I jerked my hand backwards to show him the others at his shitty place. My new friends. My enemys. My fellow teenage criminals. He laughed. “You do that. “ He said. I told him to leave before the others started hitting on him.Wanting a piece of something they'd never get. He stood up and hugged me. I just stood there and smelled him. How I longed to smell that smell everyday again. How long had it been since we were free together? 6 months? I missed it and him. I kissed his neck and said goodbye. He left, his boots clomping on the ground as he walked out the door. “Who was that hottie? Your boy?” some girl asked. “My brother, I guess.” I answered. “Seems like more of a friend to me. You kissed him and he is soooo fine! He don’t look related to you, girl either …What’s his name?” She smirked. I shook my head and laughed. “His name I Taylor. I have known him since I was born. More then that though, he is my life, my soul. It's so much more then that/ We could'nt live with out eachother. ” She shrugged and said, “Ah, he’s your home boy, huh? I got you ,girl. Your lucky to have a boy like that . And those eyes! “ She said. Mollly walked over. “Wow Aurora, that guy was cute! That your boy?” She asked, perching her delicate frame on the side of the chair. I shook my head. “No. I love him too much for that. I would kill for him and he would kill for me. ” She furrowed her brow then shrugged and gave up trying to understand me. I sighed. Figured. No one understood us. Maybe no one ever would.