THIS IS ICP'S THIRD JOKER CARD.
Riddlebox
Intro [Music playing in car] [Guys Talking] [Car Crashes] Voice: Welcome Sir! Guy: Where the fuck am I? Wh-Where am I? Voice: It's not Where you're at! It's where you're going, and you won't know until you Turn The Crank. Voices: Turn the crank. Turn the Crank. [Music sounds as crank is turned] Guy: umm.... [Trap door opens] Guy: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Voice: Ha ha haha aha haha haha ha haha hahaha hoohoo hoo hoohoo ha ha ha hahaha ha ha ha-Alright who's next?
Riddle Box
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your death! Now let's see where you're headed, turn the crank! And experience what's in store for you, deep within the mighty riddle box!(w/echo) (chorus): He hehe he he he he he hehe heh-heh-heh! Da joke's on you! (hehe Riddle box!) He hehe he he he he he hehe heh-heh-heh! Da joke's on you! (hehe Riddle box!) Wicked, wicked, wicked, wicked clownz... hey, I'm Violent J. And I'm here, well I'm here to kick yo' ass. We, the wicked juggalos, we juggle those who live like hoes and chose... The Express Route, One Way. Straight down the spiral twist to the Riddle Box. (chorus) (chorus) Hey, what's up motherfucker! This is Shaggs 2 dope congratulatin' you... For openin' the box. The Riddle Box. It looks like you received your prize. The cost? Well the cost was your life! Bitch-boy! Ah ha-ha Ha-ha Ha-ha-ha ha ha ha (chorus) Tell me sir, what can you do? It looks like the joke's on you. (repeat 4x mixed w/:) C'mon on down and turn the crank. Let's see where your soul will spend the rest of eternity. What's it gonna be, Mister? Heaven or Hell? The bonus or the bones! Turn the crank and let's find out. C'mon on down, Mister, you don't have anything to be scared of do you, sir? So what's gonna pop out of the mighty Riddle Box? Spin the crank and let's find out. Whadda ya say? Step right up. Who's first? Who's brave enough To step into their new eternal destiny? Surely someone must be confident, That their life wasn't totally evil. Step right up and seal your fate. The Show Must Go On Awwwwwwwwww, Shit! Yo, check it out, man, ICP back in the haugh man! Violent-J, man, 2 Dope, man, wicked clownz, man. Ha ha ha! Hey, quick, hurry up, bang. Open your mouth cause here comes my wang. I'm Violent-J, the southwest skitzo. Born in a big top magical-majisto Dead-body disco. Rappin' to the hoochies. Dirty old fat hoe's come up with a smoochie. Hoochie-coochie, la la la la la. I might pull your tongue out your mouth and try to hang ya. It's a full moon and the riddles are calling. Three more cards and the skies will be falling. But don't take it from me, I'm just a clown. Wicked clown, wicked town, Juggalugagaluga lick it down, man up till my nuts start singing, dancing, hopping, I'm a keep bringing riddles and tricks and dead body chicks With the swing of my magical wand, The show must go on. "Well, it all began when I was very young. My feelings were so excited about the carnival rides. Everyone was jolly and jittery. I waited for their wackets until well after dusk. That night, while I was sleeping, I was awoken by a glow appearing. And, looking out, I saw strange men, cursing and filthy, and there were clowns, setting up their dreary tent." I'm 2 dope and I sport tight wranglers. Don't say a word or I'll kick ya in the neck bitch. Everybody 'round, make way for the clown, In New York, in LA, in southwest town. Walked into El Rays, almost got my ass kicked. Rather just chill in the yard in my casket. Call up the hoe's have 'em swing by the tomb, And get a little stinky stank up in this bitch. Killer clowns kicked out the circus. Used to get live let the midget ladies work this. I was a freak show, they called me the pogo. I can make my ballsack bob like a yoyo. "Give it up! Give it up!" Southwest looney tune, killed another red neck fun, His head a looney dune, gooney boon, gooney goon, I can hear the loons in my head as I sing my wicked song. The show must go on. "I've never been afraid of clowns but these clowns were different. There was nothing funny about these clowns at all. The smiled, they juggled, they laughed, but yet something was terribly, terribly, wrong. I didn't like these clowns for I could see through them, I knew what they were really like. I knew that this carnival that had come to my village was an evil, evil thing." (Chorus): Come see the show, big top show, Walk hand in hand with the dead carnival. Dead carney, carnies, dead juggalos. Walk hand in hand with the dead carnival. (End chorus) You ask do we gang, do we bang in a gang, mang? Do we bang-bang? I'm a gang banger, man! I bang in a gang, mang. You can suck my wang, mang. Richie-boy, bitchie-boy, it's a southwest thing. Serial murderer, southwest maniac, Slaughterer, lunatic, highschool brainiac, Straight A school boy, School kid `Till I went to school and tried to murder everyone, the show must go on. "Aged friends are fools, all of them. Totally unaware of the evilness within the carnival. Their eyes reflected stairways into hell, their faces covered in blood. I ran from the carnival grounds and yet every road and every path lead me right back to the big tent. I had to escape from the strongman, the freak shows, and the Ringmaster..." (Chorus) (Chorus) Heh heh heh heh! HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! ~Rrrrrinnnng~ "Yello?" "Speak ta... Chicken Neck?" "Who?" "Chicken neck." "Nobody by that name here." "What about Chicken Balls?" "Nope." "What about Chicken fuckin' Gizzard Throat, is he there?" "Look boy, you got the wrong number." ~click~ ~Rrrrrinnnng~ "What the...? Hello?!" "Speak ta Rednuts?" "Who?" "Redballs, Willie Redneck Balls, is he there?" "Goddamnit!" ~click~ ~Rrrrrinnnng~ "Lemme git dis! Who in da hell is dis?!" "Speak ta Fatboy?" "WHO IN DA HELL IS DIS?!" "I wanna speak ta Fat Redneck fuckin' Chickenboy! Is he there?" "Goddamnit! ~click~ Fuckin' no good bastards!" ~knock knock knock knock~ "Git da damn door!" "Yeah, I have a delivery for a Mr. Redneck Fatballs." "Whut! You goddamn little!" ~Machinegun shots and breaking glass~ "It's from the wicked clowns..."
Chicken Huntin' (Slaughterhouse mix)
Well I'm headed down the southern trail, I'm goin' Chicken huntin'. Choppin' red neck chicken necks I ain't sayin' nothin' To the hillbilly, stick my barrel in his eye, boom-shaka, boom-shaka, Hair chunks in the sky. Why? I, never liked chicken pot pie or the chopped chicken on rye. Tell Mr. Billy Bob I'm a cut his neck up Slice, poke, chop-chop, stab, cut. "What can you do with a drunken hillbilly?" Cut his fuckin' eyes out, and feed 'em to his Aunt Nilly. Willie, Willie Chicken neck. Chicken huntin' gotta love it. Hit him with the 12 gauge bucket, Chicken nuggets. Layed out all over the grass. Bet his little hound dog'll eat 'em up fast. (Pre-Chorus): Last as long as you can, my man, Cuz when that chicken head hits the fan you got: Blood, Guts, Fingers and Toes. (w/ echoes) Blood, Guts, Fingers and Toes. (w/ echoes) Blood, Guts, Fingers and Toes. (w/ echoes) Sittin' front row at the chicken show, so... (End prechorus) (Chorus): "Who's goin' chicken huntin?" "We's goin' chicken huntin'." "Who's goin' chicken huntin?" "We's goin' chicken huntin'." "Who's goin' chicken huntin?" "We's goin' chicken huntin'." "Cut a motherfuckin' chicken now, " "Right!" (Chorus) Lemme get a chicken sandwich, with manwich, ah, Feel the red on a Chicken neck. Choppin up hella yeah, Billy bob Billy Cuz I chop motherfuckin' red necks silly. Peeped in your yard tell me what did I see? I seen a chicken boy, fuckin' this sheep. I said, "Mister, mister, What the fuck you tryin' to do?" Badau-bad-a-badau-badau-bau Barrels in your mouth, bullets to your head, The back of your neck's all over the shed. Boom-shaka-boom, chop, chop, bang, I'm 2 Dope, and it ain't no thing To cut a chicken, triggers clickin' Blow off his head but his feet still kickin' (Pre-Chorus) (Chorus) Went to Kentucky, I got lucky, Met this hogcallin' bitch named Blocky. Ridin' on a chicken, milkin' a sow. Hittin' switches in a drop-top, low-ride tractor. Wow. Red neck fella, moon-shine sella, Hangin' by his neck bone. Chicken bone's locked in the cella', Yella' bellied chicken plucka'. You red neck fucka! (Chorus) Rich bitch! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha! UH! (echo)
Interview
"Hello! How ya doin? I'm here with the Insane Clown Posse, ICP. How you guys doin?" "Bblblblblblblbl!!" "Well, uh, ok... I understand that you guys are from Detroit." "Wwaaaaaaaahh!" "Uh, yeah, ok. Why don't ah- Why don't you tell us something about the group?" "BURRRRRRP!" "Awright, Awright... Any long term goals?" "Ayayaiyaiyaiyaiyai!" "Sure, yeah, yeah... How 'bout ah, solo projects? Any solo stuff to look forward to?" "HA! ha ha-ha!" "Well... well, ok, ok. Well, ah, thanks for coming by and, ah, we look forward to seeing you again, uhu. Thanks a lot! Bye-bye!" Toy Box ~winding sound~ "Oohh, I like... this... toy! Hmm, watch it go..." ~gunshots~ "Ay! Ah! Ay! Uh!" ~Rrrrrinnnng... rrrrrinnnng~ ~beep beep beep!~ "We're sorry, the person you are calling is dead." I was like 6, I used to get dissed by the chicks. And everyone would chase me and hit me with bricks, And rocks and sticks and callin' me names. And fill my lunchbox with frog brains. Ugh! When I left school it was much iller. My daddy was a serial killer, and how about that, He always made me sit in the back, With all his dead bodies in my lap. Move! When I got home, enough of the static, Hammer and tools and up to the attic. Never knew any other girls or boys. Only my toys, toys, toys. Bang, clang, hammer and twist, Nobody knows I exist, and I'm pissed. But I won't be mentally scarred, Instead I make toys, toys of the graveyard. Monday, Ring of the bell. It's all about show and tell. Might as well Show all of these bastards just what I got. Yo, check out my toy box. "Nothin' feels better than a good hardy-har-har. Right boys and girls?" We got dead bodies everywhere you look. All the nerds sittin' up front got cooked. Others start screamin' and makin' a dash. So I start handin' out toys fast at last. You like slinkies? We got slinkies. Only mine like to wrap around your face then stretch, twist, kazoom, And whip your body all over the fuckin' room. So come, one at a time. Open your gift, and what you will find Is a toy my friend, that you'll never forget. It's not everyday that you get your skull split. You like soldiers? We got soldiers, made with rubber and steel. They're not real. But I wouldn't just toss 'em under yo' bed. That's how you get a axe to the fo' head. Oh, and don't let 'em sit around all day. Come home and find your mom... dead in the hallway. Cuz they can be nifty, all the toys are shifty (he-he) In my toy box. (huh?) "Woooowie, that sure sounds like fun!" That's not a toy, hey wait a minute. Don't fuck around, homie, you could lose an eye with it. That's my double blade razor whip chop jimmy. And it's mine motherfucker, so gimme gimme. You like toys? You come to the right place. Try my little toy mutilatin' mental case. Wind 'em up and let him go among alla ya. Then bang! Serial slaughterer! Your turn, reach in and get lucky. Oh look, he pulled out a rubber ducky. (squeaka squeaka) And it make a funny sound, then, Then BANG! Blew the fingers off his fuckin' hand. Don't stop, class ain't done yet. I remember you callin' me pointdex', bookworm brainy, My aggrivation went into these little creations. Reach in. You might find somethin' wicked. Wicked scary, chopping pickaderry. Off with your head, a robot with a sword. You're always lookin' at me, but what for? "Wa-wait a minute, I made you, get them not me. Wait a minute, motherfuckers!" O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-Oh I love this record!...(repeat 5x mixed w/:) Hahahaha, Hoohoohoo! Yahoo! Turn it off! Hahahaha, Hoohoohoo! Yahoo! Turn it off! (2x) O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-Oh I love this record!... O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-Oh I love this... "Turn it off!" "Tell me why? Why do you feel that you should still be together with Lisa?" "Sure. Cccc'mon man, our relationship ain't all weak and shit. Ya know I mean-I mean just because she's dead we should just break up or somethin'? FUCK THAT!" "Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, listen to me, she's dead man. You gotta move on." "So what! So she's dead. Does that make you fresher than her?" "I didn't say that." "I don't think so! So she don't talk as much... and she really don't move around a lot. She's still fresh! She's still fun to be around! Heheh-heheh. You're just predjudice!" "Huh?" "You're predjudiced against dead people." "Aw man, you really are one sick bastard, Tommy." "Yeah? Fukoof!" "What?" "Fukoof!" "What the fuck is that? What does that mean?" "It means Fukoof!" "Man, you fuckin' lost it." "Yeah? FUKOOF!"
Cemetery Girl
"Tonight, tonight, we gather the dead!" "Tonight, tonight!" "Tonight, tonight, off with your head! Ya! Hahahahahaha!" Ya know I cuts pigs up. (repeat 7x) I know I can handle them mugs! She was ugly, long hair, short, nice figure though. So at the funeral it made me cry out "Why'd you die?" I cannot, I-I couldn't sleep with not a wink. I only think about my lady, I miss my baby! I need her by my side to hold me, to squeeze me, I still have pictures, but all they do is tease me. I see my therapist, she only tells me I'm in trouble. I want my baby back, so now I pack a shovel! And while I'm thinking it's awfully dark and kinda funny. Don't think to fast though, just dig, things could get bloody. I watch my baby, I hit the top of baby's coffin. I'm thinkin' well she's better off inside if she died. Nah, she needs me. I can tell my baby wants me. 'Cuz every night at 2:15, my baby haunts me. I pry it open, the odor hits me. There she is. I lean down to give her a kiss, (Prechorus): Because I need a Girl that make me happy, A girl that make me cry, A girl that passed away back in 1985. A girl I plan to marry, a girl I plan to wed, A girl that I can choke because my baby is already dead. (End prechorus) (Chorus): Cemetery lady, my cemetery girl, Cemetery baby, I want you in my world. Cemetery woman, we can still be down, You're more than just a corpse to a psychopathic clown. (End Chorus) Fuck, yeah mutha fucka! I don't want no stuck up little sassy brassy bitch, Ya understand? I want me a cold stanky bitch! So bring it on dead momma! She's as ugly as always, my baby hasn't changed. Except for the hole that's in her forhead, You can see her brains. Nevertheless, our love is still forever true. Her eyes have riven, her skin has now a tint of blue. My baby stares me in dirty and wrinkled clothes. And now I notice, the maggots chewed off all her toes. The earth has been rather cruel to my darling sugar. Is that a bug up on her face? Oh, it's just a booger. I lean her head back, to kiss her cracking lips. And then her neck cracks, also does her hips. I must be gentle, my baby girl's a little rusty, A little dusty, but most of all a little musty. I don't get smart, We lay together on the lawn. We lay till dawn, I notice her left eye is gone. We said goodbye, and everything turned out alright. I'll see you here tomorrow night. (Prechorus) (Chorus) (Chorus) Check it out, bitch! You ain't gettin' no stink stank! Get yo' ass an stop on da dick you want wit' dat ~chough cough~. Them clammy graveyard bitches, they dowwnn wit' da clowwnn! Ya know I catch pigs up. (repeat 7x) I know I can handle them mugs! (Prechorus) (Chorus) (Chorus) A Girl that make me happy, (3x) Oh-woo oo. Oh-woo oo.
Three Rings
~Rrrinnnggg~ "Hello?" "You have a collect call from 'Cukoo'. Please answer the following question 'yes' or 'no'." "Will you pay for the call?" "Is this on? Gather round my wealthy friends, And endure the horrifying sights Only your worst nightmares could produce. Actual human beings of a deformed nature. Come at once, and come and endulge yourself In our own twisted amusement of another's misfortune. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Enter our 3 ring show of freaks!" Ring one, a-dung-a-dung-dung. My name's Violent J and I staple my tongue To the desk in school, then I run down the hall. Scarin the shit outta all of yall bitches! Which is why you don't invite mine to your party Just cuz I don't look like everybody. I guess you're just a bunch of rich boys. Bitch boys. Scary. Blblbblah! And what's the big deal about my neck. Just because now and then I like to let it stretch up A couple feet to get a better sight. Is that any reason to scream and run in fright? No! So, now how ya gon' act? So what if I got another arm growin' outta my back. I guess I'm just another freak show thing And now they got me in the 3 rings. (chorus): 3 ring. A ding a ding ding. People love to point and stare. 3 ring. A ding a ding ding. It's the same as everywhere. (End Chorus) (chorus) Ring two! How do ya do? I'm Shaggy 2-dope. Chicken-faced bitch! (Who?) You don't try to front hoe. Try to play me out just cuz I'm runnin wit the side show. So maybe there's the leg growin out my neck. But, don't jet baby, huh, not yet. Popped out the neden like a pund of lead. Doctor blew his back, rolled and dropped me on my head. Oh shit! I knew it had to fuck up my circuits. Cuz, when I was 2, my momma left me at the circus. Abandoned at the carnival, with the freak shows Like Bat-boy, Hermaphrodite, and Old Man Crow. But then I escaped to the ghetto zone. Started a crew of my own mutha fucka, I'm not alone. So don't be stickin' your finger in my face stank. Or your stomach might recieve a shank from the 3 rings. (chorus) (chorus) "I certainly hope you're enjoying yourselves, here, at our 3 ring exhibit. But, to be honest, I really don't see what's so fuckin' funny about it. These fuckin' people are real!" "Ring 3, The ICP! Look if you want, But I wouldn't lay a hand on me. That's how you get fucked up. We'll squeeze your windpipe's shut." Yo! I'm a nerd, word. I drink Thunderbird. Half-snake woman kicked my love to the curb. She busted in to my tent now I'm fucked. Had the fat-bearded lady in the buck. Ugh!. Fuck that. Bitch suck that. I was born with a wang, but I never had a nutsack. It's two balls hangin' wit no protection, so, I move real careful and slow. You can call me a wierdo, call me a freak. Call me Don Knotts cuz I'm gettin at it every week. Uh! So come see the carnival and throw me your change, bitch. I chill with the 3 rings. (chorus) (chorus) "Well, that's it. I hope you're satisfied. I hope you had a good time, you fucking heartless bastards! You saw what you wanted, so grab your fucking kids and that fat, flop of shit wife of yours, and get the fuck out of our circus tent! You cold-hearted sons of bitches! You think they looked fucked up? Just wait till I kick your fuckin' lips in a couple times! You'll be sittin' up here like a bitch, and we'll be laughin at your folded ass. They'll call you Lumpy. After I done puttin knots all over your fuckin forehead. Yeah! Hey, Hey little boy! Come here, how'd you like it if I tied your neck in a knot? You fuckin' little bitch! Come here, I'll fuckin shove that corndog up your ass! Get the fuck outta here! The show's fuckin' over. Get the fuck outta here, you fuckin heartless bastards."
Headless Boogie
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na (4x) AAAHHHH! It's Friday night, dark, scary, Lonely walkin' through the park cemetery. And it's foggy, cold and smoggy. I hear a dog, a howlin' doggie. I'm scared, shoulda brought a shotgun Would've, should've, but I ain't got one. But I'll watch my back, and what's that? The caretaker, a dirty old hunchback. Better run, hide, quick, fast, He's comin' for my ass wit a- shovel. Nowhere to run or to hide but a gravepit, So I dove in, I did the dumb shit. Took a fall, even at 6 foot. Down the stairs hit a floor, And through a door. Into a whole new world of stiffs, Bodies, heads, and sexy little dead chicks. Club lights, sounds, bass. DJ's spinnin' with maggots on their face. But what I saw next that really took me. Uhh! They did the headless boogie! (chorus): Hey, yo! I heard that ya died. (la la) Fuck that! It's time to get live! (la la) Dead bodies let's all take a ride! Lead to the left and slide! (the headless boogie) Hey, yo! I heard that ya died. (la la) Fuck that! It's time to get live! (la la) Dead bodies let's all take a ride! Lead to the left and sliiide! (End Chorus) Awwww yeah! We dug up the finest bitches in the graveyard. So c'mon down! And if you ain't come to get your funk out, Then get the fuck out, bitch! They all stand straight, and swing to the side. (Uh!) No heads, but they feet still glide. (Uh-Huh!) Take a step back, twist and dive. (Yeah!) I even seen Kurt Cobain gettin' live! No heads, but they all funky! And drunk, drinkin' old spunky! Don't be shy, everyone's able. Hit the floor leave your nugget on the table. And kick step, but when you do kick soft, If they're dead, your legs might fall off. The whole time, I can't belive, I can't concieve, I don't wanna... leave. Hooooooe! I'm kickin' into a freak with no head. No face but the rest is straight. She's wit it, I hit it like a... G. Her back fell off.... UGH! Excuse me. Zombies, mummies, and Frankenstein. Drinkin' Cisco Disco Dead wine. Dead stiffs, comin' through the door. Heads, fingers, and limbs on the floor. I'm gettin' drunk, I wanna be down. What's up? I wanna be the headless clown! (heh hehehehe!) They rolled out the jigsaw and got raw. That ended it all, I did the headless boogie. (chorus) Hey YO! Fuck that voodoo claw shit, bitch! You comin' freakin with the real dead juggalos. So come on by, and we'll chop your nugget off So you can freak that shiiit! (chorus) (chorus w/fade out at end) ~J talking to Shaggs~
Joker's Wild
[crowd]Heeeyyyyyy! Welcome to another exciting episode of Daray's #1 game show: The Joker's Wild! Shaggy, tell us something about tonight's contestants. HA HAHA Hey, mudda fuckas! Get ready for the killer show for this bitch! We got a cop, we got a judge, and we got a redneck. So step the fuck up and play The Joker's Wild! (WooHoo!) Everybody smile! Guess who's back on your underground dial! (who?) It's the game show host wit the most (Violent J) And tonight we gonna have a little pig roast. (hehe-huh) Top copper! It's been a long while! Lace up your boots and come on down the aisle. Mr. Big Man packin' that steel. But tonight you ain't shit. Now spin the fuckin' wheel! Looks good nice try! Now let's see just how you gon' die! Lucky, lucky, it landed on Carpenter Jed. He just pounds nails in your forehead. The pig got lucky that time. But let's take a look. Who's next down the line. Oh, the 43rd District Judge. Hey pal! Remember me? You threw me in jail! Take a spin or I'll snap your neck. The clicker's landed. Let me check. The Jookie, hey it ain't bad at all. We just cut your face off and slap your skull. ~slap!~ Who's next for the games and fun? Hillbilly Earl, C'mon down! Run! The redneck that sic'ed his dog on me. Now that's gonna cost you a spin buddy! Spin around and around it goes! Staple your lips shut, cut off your toes! Then I throw your corpse on top of the pile. Anything goes on the Joker's Wild. "Tell me. Who killed seventeen people and later ate their dead bodies?" ~timer clicking~ "Jeffrey Dommer?" "No! The correct answer would be your mother!" "WAAA!" "Shaggs?" "Aww shit, mutha fuckas. Get ready for round 2 in this bitch! So if you want your fuckin' neckbone chopped, step the fuck up and play The Joker's Wild!" Ya like big money and prizes don't ya? You'd probably kill for a big prize won't ya? You little bitch! It's your turn to spin. (ding ding ding) "Free money!" Now spin again. Oh goody, now unzip your drawers. I'm gonna clip this chain on your balls! Raise you upsidedown for the big batta. Now we bust your head like a piniata! (Yeahhhh!!) The audience loves that shit! Listen to 'em scream when your forehead splits Wait, cut to a break! Oh shit dat-damn uh, we got guts on the camera. "The Joker's Wild is brought to you by:" "Faygo!" Everybody sing! "Send yo' momma straight up to tha sto'! Tell that bitch to bring home a Faygo!" Welcome back to the carnival show! Here's your chance for the big money cash flow! Hit your buzzer, pull your lever! Joker, Joker, Lemon! We sever your head! Pick a door! 1,2,or 3 It's the same behind every door, me! There's no escape. Now gimme that bald head! The crowd can't help, look, their all dead! And they just watchig their doom. We broadcast from hell to your living room. I ripped off his neckbone, wicked clown style. Anything goes on The Joker's Wild. "It's time to play hit or miss! Contestant #1, open your mouth! Contestant #2, get ready! Will he hit or miss?" ~spear hitting~ "He Hit!" [crowd] Yeaahhhhh! "What's next?!" "We got money, we got cash, we got prizes! We got blood, we got cocks, we got naked dead bitches! On The Joker's Wild!" I got my yellow suit, and my purple tie. Somebody's gonna die! Oh, my! It's Mr. Thompson my next door neighbor. Always bitchin'! Yellin' from the kitchen... window. See he died then he went to hell, though. We meet again! I got my own game show. Spin the wheel 'cuz I just can't fuck around. ~Rrrrrrinnnnnnngg!~ "Bonus round!" Oh, shit! The end of the game. Bonus round. We goin out with a bang! You got a chance for money and prizes! You got a chance at death too! (eheheh) So get ready, I'm comin' at ya fast! Your chance for freedom at last! Four questions. So are ya ready Jack? "Uhhh, I-I think so..." Load the gun! "The governor..." "Beechpot?" "Yes! The square root of 2..." "Uhhh..." "Correct! Nutsacks don't belong in..." "Buttcracks?" "Richboys eat..." "Caviar?" "NOOO! The correct answer is 'bullets'!" ~machine gun fire~ "Oh hoho! Oho Geez! Oh! Well, this is Big Chipperwinks saying 'so long' till next week folks! Seeya later! Goodbye!" ~laughing in the background~ That's it. Go home. crowd: Awwwwww!
Dead Body Man
****Channels changing on a TV**** "This is a Channel 7 news brief because the news is happening now! Good evening, Mort Perkins reporting. Our top story tonight: Police and investigators are still trying to figure out how and why somebody stole four dead bodies from the Wayne County morgue late Monday night. Police say the apparent body theif entered through the basement window, but how they eluded the security and alarm system is still a mystery. But what we at Channel 7 are wondering: What kinda sick FUCK would steal four dead bodies anyway? Details at 11." Dead bodies, dead bodies all over the street. 55-65, bodies at least. I hang with the stiffs till the break of dawn. I'm always finding bodies when I'm mowing the lawn. Drag 'em in the house, throw 'em in the oven. Wicked clown lovin' that dead body grubbin'. Tastes like chicken, finger lickin deepfried. I ate a dead body, but don't tell. I lied. I just ate my first dead body last week, Still got the fingernail caught in my teeth. Before ya start yellin' and cursin' my name, Remember somethings wrong with my brain, insane. Second I was born, doctor threw me against the wall. Kicked open the doors and he whipped me down the hall. I'm sliding and I'm boucin' off shit like a hockey puck. And my mother's like, "What the fuck?!" He said I was born of an alien race. Born with a hatchet and a juggalo face. But I'm not a martian, you wouldn't understand. I'm just a dead body man. "We've got bodies! Dead bodies! We got fat ones, skinny ones, males, females, hermaphrodites! We got somebodies! We got nobodies! Bodies, bodies, bodies! WOO!" Dead bodies, dead bodies in the back of my van. All the little kiddies love the dead body man. I drive through my neighborhood ringin' my bell. Some people run cause they don't like the smell. Others line up just as quick as they can. To try to catch a glimpse of the dead body man. It's all good, if you can stand the funk. but uh..... Just don't look in the trunk. I drive down central kickin the bass. Chillin' with my freaks and I'm pickin' her face. Maggots and bugs like to crawl on her head. Cause my bitch is dead, I'd rather that instead. I'm a hoe you can't trust, always diggin a nut. A dead body bitch learned to keep her mouth shut. Riding in the back is my dead body crew. Only they can never think of nothin' to do. If you think I'm sick, take a look at yourslf. You got dead deer heads up on your shelf. On your key chain is a little baby rabbit's hand. I'm just the dead body man. "We also collect dead bodies! So if you know any dead people, or you yourself are planning on dying soon, we'll be happy to come to your house and pay cash for it! We appreciate good, healthy, stiffs for our dinner! WAHOO!" Call me the dead body man (Some'll give 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (Just sell 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (You can mail 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (But, Bring 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (Won't ya give 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (You can sell 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (Just mail 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (But, Bring 'em to me!) (repeat) Call me the dead body man... Call me the dead body man... Lil' Somethin' Somethin' "Um, Mr. Jackson, what are you talking about? Well, I've heard about those parties, they're immoral. Mr. Jackson I thought you were a respectable gentleman..." "Now, don't give me that "respectable gentleman" bullshit you little bitch." "Mr. Jackson!" "Now stop playing dumb you ditsy cunt!" (chorus): Hey, Baby I heard you like to freak. ("Well, I guess so.") Then come out to play with me. ("Heheh.") Baby I heard you like to freak. (Well, I guess so.") Then come out to play with me. (End chorus) Hey what's up I'm new in town. I work for the circus, Shaggy the Clown. Anyway, yo girl I've seen you around. I guess I'm tryin' say that I wanna be down, hey! We had ice cream, sat in the park. I walked her all the way home when it got dark. She took me inside and when the door shut, Next thing you know, I had my nuts in her butt, uh. I wanna bitch that's down to fuck right away. And even does my homies if its ok. A little bitch that's down with a quicky, I love checky checky. I ain't being picky though. So you might be a little bit fat. You might even stink a bit, I don't mind that. Even if you don't fuck on the first date. Just put my nuts in your mouth and I'll stray. I need a girl that just don't give a fuck. So I'm caught stroking her mom. I mean, so what? A little a skins here and there ain't nothin'. I just need a bitch who's down with a Lil' Somethin' Somethin'. (chorus) My name's Violent J, so I can't fuck around. Who's the dirtiest bitch in the whole town? There she go, she workin' at Dairy Queen. Bitch couldn't be a day over fifteen. So I threw her in the butt like that. I hit it so quick, I made her butt cheeks clap. HaHa Why wait around 'til she gets married. Cause I'm ready as long as her neden's hairy. Tootsie, Tootsie, Pumpkin Pie. Oops, looks like you nut in your eye. My fault I didn't notice you were still there. Now go in and wash that shit out your hair, bitch. I want a girl not afraid to bone, Even if her mommas and pops is still home. And if her daddy suddenly walks in, He just might see my nuts on his daughter's chin. Everybody in the hood says that your easy. You look a little cracked out, a little sleezy. Your a basic, baby, it ain't shit. I'm still down if you down, For a Lil' Somethin' Somethin'. Somethin' Somethin' (chorus) Bitch let me hit, I won't be long As soon as I nut I'm gone. (Guess ya don't know.) Bitch let me hit, I won't be long As soon as I nut I'm gone. (But ya dawg did.) Bitch let me hit, I won't be long As soon as I nut I'm gone. (It's the Southwest.) Bitch let me hit, I won't be long As soon as I nut I'm gone. "Oh-Hey, watch out! My legs- My legs don't bend back so far!" (chorus) "Mr. Jackson, it's been... so long since I've been fucked! Uh-uh!" Hey, "Mr. Jackson, it's been... so long since I've been fucked! Uh-uh!" Hey, "Mr. Jackson, it's been...so long since I've been fucked! Uh-uh!" Hey, "Mr. Jackson, it's been... so long since I've been fucked! Uh-uh!" Hey. ~record scratching~ "Last one undressed has to kiss everybody's ass" (Aaaaaah!) "Welcome sons of fuckin' bitches to the wicked carney theater! Tonight's feature presentation is so fuckin' scary, it'll take the wrinkles out of your nut sack and fade your butt hair. So get ready mutha fuckers for tonight's main atraction! I give to you: Ol' Evil Eye! Ah ha ha ha!" ~clapping~ "Alright shut the fuck up!" Ol' Evil Eye "Start tha movie." "I loved the old man. He had never wronged me. He had never given me insult. For his gold I had no desire. I think it was his eye. Yes, it was this. One of his eyes resembled that of a vulture. A pale, blue eye with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold. And so, by degrees, very gradually, I made up my mind to take the life of the old man and thus rid myself of the eye forever." So I'm headed door to door With my grandmother's cookie jar. I'm sellin' cookies, 12 for a dollar. I ring the doorbell, nobody wants any. I resort to goin' cheaper - 2 for a penny. Anybody, everybody, they hate me. I can tell when they spit and degrade me. There's only one house left, the last on the block. Old Man Willie on the hilltop. I ring the doorbel, the door creeps open. And there it was starin' and scopin'. The man's left eye, red, big, and drippin' I was trippin'. "Ahh, seeya!" I ran home. I couldn't stop thinking About his eyeball winking and blinking. And it looked not a damn thing like the other. Ugh! Shoulda wore a patch on the motherfucker. It hypnotized me, mesmorized me. Traumatized, paralyzed, terrorized me. Creepers, where'd you get that ball? And tell me how it even fits in your skull. (prechorus): I want a big long knife to stick it in. I wanna lift up the eyelid and kick it in. He's gotta die. I want his eye buried in my backyard. It ain't hard, I'm killin' Old Evil Eye! (End prechorus) (chorus): Evil eye... Oh-Oh-Eye (The bitch gon' die! Die-die-die-die-die-die-die) Evil eye... Oh-Oh (End chorus) "Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should've seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded with caution with what foresight, with what patience I went to work. I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him." A day gone pass since I heard about J.O. Met up in this sleigh, cuz I don't fuckin' play. Anyway, I gotta do him in. Got a rusty revolver Put the silver bullets in. I'm plannin' on playin' one right to his nugget. Down my drawers with the bucket. It's time to go, fuck it. I stuck it up... to his neck when he came to the door. I really didn't know what I was in for. First the cold man stared, no a gaze, no a stare. Kinda like there was no one there. How weird, my body froze with the blink of his eye. Evil eye, sendin' chills up my spine. What to do? What to do? I gotta try to break. I gotta try to make.. my way to the gate. Wait. I can't move, I'm stuck to the ground. W-What the fuck was that? I think I heard a sound, Turned around, there it was, starin' at my face. This little old man's eye's a make me a mental case. That's when I felt the pain deep inside, Deep inside, now his eye's open wide. (prechorus) (chorus) "That night it ceased. The old man was dead. I placed my hands on the heart and there for many minutes there was no pulsation. He was stone dead. His eye will trouble me no longer. His eye will trouble me no longer." (chorus) (chorus) (chorus) (chorus)
12
~Rain & thunder~ "Wake ...Wake ...Awake... Revenge is mine. 12 people will die tonight." [voices] Guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty.. Now I've woken then reborn. Though I have just until dawn. I remember every face, spirits show me every place. First one sleeps inside his bed. Place my fingers on his head. To each temple push and smuther, till my fingers touch each other. Next one makes love to his wife. Only wish to take his life. For his family's done no wrong. Place his children on the lawn. Tell the misses leave the room. Lest she wish to witness doom. Grab the squirmy, filthy, goat, and shove the dresser down his throat. I must quickly use my gift. Next 2 work the midnight shift. Drinking coffee in the back, I will listen to them chat. Hear them speaking of my death. Hear the laughter in their breath. But the laughter quickly died, when their heads colli-e-i-e-ide. (chorus): Ya care ta die? Ya care ta die? (9x) (End chorus) Now my anger's growing worse. Next one's working as a nurse. Have to make a doctor's call. Drag my body down the hall. Grab a scalpel and a blade. Time to play the nurse's aid. Operate and strap her down, carve her face into a clown. Killed another, then 3 more. Now we're down to only 4. This man drives a taxi cab. `Nother wicked life to grab. Screaming that he thought I died. Let's go for a taxi ride. In the wreck of twisted steel, the steering wheel becomes his meal. This man watches his TV. Scanning channels endlessly. Stops at station foty-fo' it's the wicked clown show. Watch me juggle, watch me dance. In 3D watch me enhance. Watch me crawl out from the screen and squeeze your neck until you're gre-he-heen. (chorus) Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time.... Even though there's just one left, I feel my bones becoming stiff. And now I wander endlessly, the spirits have abandoned me. My lips are falling piece by piece. My ears and fingers in the street. But still yet see no morning sun, and here's my victim's early run. Quickly grab him from behind, 'round his neck with fishing twine. Keep him still and pull the string, watch his head go bobbaling! Listen to my riddle song, even though my crime was wrong. Murder me just for your law and I'll be back for all a yall! (chorus) (chorus) (chorus) ~child laughing~
The Killing Fields
Laying in my bed, I think of many horror tales. Yet I better move, my bed is made of nails. I try to roll off, my skin slowly tears away. My flesh is stuck to the bed as I begin my day. Walking out the house this morning, the sky is red. The streets are crowded with the bodies of the living dead. They're tryin' a die, they're jumping off a roof tops. They only scream in pain as their body flops. I rather stay inside my home and only pray to die. But my house has been on fire since like `85. I can only stand a night of the fatal smoke. But see you never die, you only burn and choke. And so I leave out the house, and walk the land. Wild pigs run and feed off the dying men. And look around you, there's bodies hanging from the trees, But they're not dying, they're only crying, "Please!" I hear the thunder in the sky so I run and hide. The Deli Raymay soon come down, you've got to get inside. The lunatics see the lightning, they're screaming, "Yes!" It's raining blood, the streets are a bloody mess. About once or twice a week, though, with thunderstorms. That's when giant, heavy, red and black clouds form. It's raining blood, kidneys, and livers from the sky. Prepare, cuz when you die, you're coming to the Killing Fields. (chorus): (Come, come on down, down.) "What shall they be? What shall they be? When that fine moment comes." (Come, come on down, down.) "When the curtains are drawn, the windows are shut, doors closed, and you've written what you've written, you've said it, that's it!" (coming to the killing fields) (Come, come on down, down.) "What will they all be? What about it mister, when you've had you're last beer? (Come, come on down, down.) You've laughed at you're family and laughed at you're little wife. She begs you not to go out to that bar." (End chorus) As I feed off a dead pig, I'm thinking back. To when I had a heartbeat, and how I would act. I would steal from the poor. I'd laugh at the sick. But in the killing fields, you'd get your fucking neck ripped! So as I walk along I meet a lot of strange folks. Some people with no eyes, and gashed open throats. And if they notice your eyeballs are working well, The try ta dig them out your skull, and go for self. Now in the summertime, it's like a whole other realm. Water becomes fire, and oceans overwhelm. To walk outside, the heat will surely cook your brains Try to run across the street, your hair will burst ta flames. Victims in a panic run from the heat and light, Underneath the city, into the sewer pipes. Until the fire's gone this becomes your new land. But, there's no food so you feed off the other men. And now it's been seven months, I'm barely fed. I chase a baby billy goat with a human's head. It's steady screamin' "Lemme be, lemme be!" But while I chase it there's another demon chasin' me. All of time moves backwards, I'm growing old. And still the clouds are burning fire, and so I'm told That there's a lot of living souls such as the rich, That choose to live like a bitch. See you in the killing fields! (chorus): (Come, come on down, down.) "Youve had your big time in lust, sin, and filth!" (Come, come on down, down.) "What is it going to be when you realize the time is up? You've crossed the finish line! Going in the wrong direction." (I'll see you in the killing fields) (Come, come on down, down.) "What shall they all be? What about it gentlemen? When you've spent your life in a few years' time?" (Come, come on down, down.) "Your a burned up shell at 25 years of age. What shall they all be?" What about it? (End chorus) You can go to hell hell hell hell hell "What shall they all be?" (repeat 5x) Come, come on down, down. Come, come on down, down. (you're coming to the killing fields!) (w/ echo) Come, come on down, down. Come, come on down, down. (repeat w/ fade out)
I'm Coming Home
I lived my life in the gutter! And this gutter is who I am! Take me back home to my gutter, and that's where I won't ever leave again! Hey! I'm comin' home, home to the criminals and crooks, Home to the gangbangers shootin' dirty looks. Home to the killer cops beatin' down my ass, Home to my `72 Vallary prayin' it will last. Past all the rich bitches try'na play me out. Doggin' on my neighborhood, don't know what it's about. So now I'm clockin' nuggets, never hangin' with the rich. I'd rather hang out with the crookeds at the party store, bitch! Gimme Coney, dawg, with a little smog, Cuz it tastes better than the poisonous fog. Seen it from the sewers in my slummy neighborhood. But the ghetto got love and the love is all good So I don't give a fuck about your mansion by the lake. You can suck my dingaling until your neck breaks. Cuz all I wanna do is hang with the zombies in the zone. Break out with the Faygo. I'm comin' home. (chorus): Home to the creatures, home to the crooks, Home to the fools readin' witchcraft books, Home to the monsters roamin' the land, I wanna come home but ya don't understand. Bitch, I'm comin home, and I'm not alone. Jokers and freaks and the dead body bones. Every single thing that ya never wanna see, Add it all together and ya got me! Ah, Nobody give a fuck about your punk ass rules. Keystone coppers and your hypocrite schools. I'd much rather lay around the streets and the gutter, And make dirty phone calls to your rich mother. Put up last midnight and I'm wakin' up the dead. And we playin' kickball with sombody's head. We go skinny-dippin' in the barrels of toxic waste, After that, I pour myself a little taste. So tell your mother that she's nothin' but a fat bitch, And all my homies don't care if the hoe's rich. Somebody out here, please let me know if there's a phone, I need to call my mother, and tell her I'm comin' home. (chorus) I'm comin' home. Chicken, chicken bone. Sugar plumb wishes and Ice cream cones. All these fake people sayin' hi to one another. Then they sit around and talk shit about each other. Watering the grass, diggin' in they ass, Try'na make sure they didn't lose any cash. Workin' hard all you life, and now you're finally rich. But look at you, you're just another whack bitch! heh. Call in the slum, that's where the bums, Murderers, and slaughterers. So that's what I become. Spare a little change, cuz I just ran outta gas, Reach for your quarter and I'll stick your fuckin' ass. Nobody wants to be around the ghetto breed. The ghetto got each other, and that's all we really need. So what the fuck I'm doin' down here? I got a land of my own, Hey, yo, dawg, fuck it, we goin' home. (chorus) (chorus) (chorus) (chorus) (chorus) (chorus) (group chorus) (group chorus) (group chorus w/ fade out) (group chorus w/ fade out)