"You must give an injection in a
different location
every twenty minutes followed by a
second injection
exactly five minutes after the first. He
must take
two pills at exactly every hour followed
by one pill
every fifteen minutes for eight hours.
He must drink
no more and no less than ten ounces of
water every
twenty-five minutes and must void
between. Soak his
arm in warm water for fifteen minutes
then place ice
for ten minutes and repeat over and over
for the
rest of the day. Give range of motion
every thirty
minutes. He requires a back rub and foot
rub every
hour. Feed him something tasty every
hour. Be
cheerful and do whatever he asks at all
times. Chart
his condition and vital signs every
twenty minutes.
You must do these things exactly as I
ordered or his
injury will not heal properly, and he
will not able
to play golf well."
The nurse left the doctor and entered
the patient's
room. She was greeted by anxious family
and an
equally anxious patient. All asked the
nurse what
the doctor had said about the patient.
The nurse
started, "The doctor said that you will
live." Then
quickly reveiwing the orders, the nurse
added, "But
you will have to learn a new
sport."
It's
hard to live with a
nurse
because...
1) When you forget to flush the toilet,
you get a
complete analysis with a plan on how to
correct any
noted problems.
2) Thanksgiving dinner comes in pre-cut
small pieces
because she doesn't want to have to
perform the
Heimlich maneuver and be reminded of
work on the
only
holiday she's had off in years.
3) You've been awakened from a dead
sleep in the
middle of the night to find her shaking
you because
your breathing patterns were a little
too close to a
Cheyne-Stokes rhythm.
Joke Sent To Us By
KRATCHETT
NURSE :
A little 8 year old boy
wanted to be
circumcised when he realized he looked
different
than
dad and his friends. The day after the
proceedure he
returned to school. During class, he
became
uncomfortable and asked for permission
to go to the
nurse. When he arrived at her office, he
hesitated
and finally just asked if he could call
his mother.
Sensing this was personal, the nurse
stepped into
the
hall and closed the door to allow him
privacy.
Several minutes later the little boy
came out of her
office and the nurse noticed his penis
was sticking
out of his pants. "Where are you going?"
she asked.
"Back to class," said the boy. "But you
can't go
back
like that!" explained the nurse. "I
have to,"
stressed the boy. "My mother said that
if I could
just stick it out until lunchtime, she
would come
and
pick me up."
Old Joke Remembered
By My
BOSS :
How can you tell who is the
head nurse
of a facility?
She's the one with
dirty
knees.
Another Old
One
On a busy Med/Surg floor the
doctor
stops the nurse to brief her on a
patient's
condition. "This patient is a fellow
physician and
my favorite golf partner. His injury is
serious and
I fear he will not be able to play golf
again unless
you follow my orders exacty." The doctor
then began
listing orders:
A Classic Sent In By
RAYE
:
How do you save a doctor
from
drowning?
Take your foot off his
head.
From loudmout
(correct
spelling)
How many nurses does it take
to screw in
a light bulb?
None - They just have a
nursing
assistant do
it.
Glen Saunders
writes...What
's the
difference between a nurse and a
nun?
A nun only serves one God.
Pete Gregory
from the U.K.
sends this
one...
A nurse dies and goes to heaven. She is
met at the
Pearly Gates by St. Peter who asks her
questions
about her life. Over St. Peter's
shoulder the nurse
spots a man in a white coat sitting on a
cloud with
a stethoscope around his neck.
"Oh brother!", she cries. "Is that a
doctor?"
St Peter glances over his shoulder and
says, "No,
that's God. He just thinks he's a
doctor."
Kathleen
Fergusen (praise
her)
sent:They
found a
naked dead body of a nurse washed up on
the shore
today.
How did they know it was a nurse?
She had an empty stomach, a full
bladder, and her
butt was chewed
out.
Margaret says
"Send A
Joke!"
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