Beer Bad

Xander: "Rough day? Come on, Buff, be a lonely drunk."
  • Willow: Aren't you too young to be a bartender?
    Xander: Au contraire, mon frere.
    Buffy: Mon frere means brother.
    Xander: Mon girl-frere. Behold. [shows them a fake ID]
    Willow: I don't believe this is entirely on the up-and-up.
    Xander: What gives it away?
    Willow: Looking at it.

  • Willow: Buffy ,that is my best friend, you need to think about not-Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis.

  • Willow: I'm sorry to be so coarse, but I feel strongly about stinky Parkerman.

  • Buffy: I'm telling you, I think that he has intimacy problems because of the death of his father.
    Willow: Not interested. You got troubles, tell 'em to the bartender.

  • Oz: Hey, you got a table.
    Willow: I had to kill a man.
    Oz: Well, it's a really good table.

  • Willow: [mocking Veruca and Oz]'My name is Veruca. I'm in a band.' 'Oh, I'm Oz. I'm in a band, too. Oh, and this is Will.' 'Oh, how fun, a groupie.'[end mocking] Groupie! Buff, have you heard of this Veruca chick? Dresses like Faith, voice like an albatross?
    Buffy: TV is a good thing. Bright colors. Music. Tiny little people.
    Willow: What have you done with Buffy?
    Buffy: I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of... badness.
    Willow: You didn't. Not with Parker again.
    Buffy: No. With four really smart guys.
    Willow: Four? Oh. Ow!

  • Buffy: I went to see Xander. Then I saw Parker. Then came... beer.
    Willow: And then group sex?

  • Willow: He deserves a torturous and slow death by spider bites. Well, for today we'll just have to throw spitballs at his neck in class.

  • Willow: I think I'm just gonna study. 'Cause of the fun.

  • Willow: I'm tired of you men and your... man-ness.

  • Willow: In fact, she's in need of a big mental tidy.

  • Willow: She shared something very intimate with you, and you act like it's nothing more than a bag of... some kind of snack food.
    Parker: Willow, I'm not sure I need to explain my actions here. But if that's what you want...
    Willow: Yes. Followed by an admission of undeniable guilt, but go on.

  • Willow: You know, I'm wondering something about you.
    Parker: What?
    Willow: Just how gullible do you think I am!? I mean, with your gentle eyes, and your shy smile, and your ability to talk openly only to me! You're unbelievable!

  • Willow: I mean, you men! It's all about the sex! Find a woman, drag her to your den, do whatever's necessary, just as long as you get the sex!

  • Xander: Did you guys have enough fun for one night?
    Willow: Yes, please.

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