… could he.. . >

Xander once again recalled his berating Spike at the hospital, confronting

the vamp about his feeling for Willow and begging Spike to leave Willow.

Xander noticed it was almost 12:30 and his stomach was growling.

" Hey Will's how's about I go out and get us some lunch? " " You're eating

for two now." Xander teased.

Willow looked up, " Yeah whatever" and went back to her research.

Xander left for the Deli. A few minutes later, Willow felt hands close over

her eyes. She smiled

And cried, " Spike".. " I knew.."

Her words were cut off as she heard Oz's voice: " Hey baby.. it's me..

I'know I've been out of town on a gig for a week.. but calling me Spike…

ouch.."

Willow scolded herself mentally <

How could I just push my boyfriend out of my mind like that? Cause you fell

in love.. with someone else stupid.>

" Oh Oz," Willow cried. Oz kissed her softly on the lips. " New look Will,

I don't think I'm going to be able to leave you again cause some guy will

steal you away." He teased.

"Oh Oz, we.. got to talk.." Willow felt horribly guilty, and sad she new

this was going to hurt her friend.

Xander barreled into the library, not seeing Oz next to Willow. " I was't

sure what kind of soda to get you Will, … I got you sparkling water .. That's

got to be good for the baby.." he uttered as his eyes caught sight of

Willow's pale face and Oz's red hair.

" Hey Xander," Oz replied nonchalantly. " Can you pause and rewind.. I

thought I heard you say something about Willow and baby in the same sentence."

" Uh.. Um…" Xander wanted the hellmouth to open up and swallow him hole. He

grimaced.

Oz took in Willow's still form and Xander's facial contortions. He shot up

out of the chair.

" You cheating Bitch… I knew it… I just knew it… when were you going to tell

me he got you knocked up."

Tears streamed down Willow's cheeks, she felt ashamed and angry.

" Hey, man… it's not what you think" Xander replied

Oz moved toward Xander, he wanted to kill him. " You've been fucking behind

my back AGAIN!" " YOU TELL ME IT'S NOT WHAT I THINK!" Xander stepped back

from Oz's rage. Oz kept coming at Xander he started pummeling him with his

fists.

Willow rose from her chair so fast it tipped over backwards. " NO.. NO.. Stop

it.." she cried, moving across the room.

Buffy and Giles heard the shouting and Willow's sobs as they were walking

down the corridor. They broke into a run.

Buffy managed to pull Oz off a dazed Xander. Xander his face bloody said, "

It's not my baby either.. you fool."

Oz's eyes narrowed and he looked at Willow with disgust, " I didn't know my

girlfriend was a whore1."

Willow slapped Oz across the face, everything seemed in slow motion as she

heard the sound reverberate and echo. Things started to go black.

Xander reached out and managed to catch Willow before she hit the floor.

" Great, now look what you've done." He accused Oz.

" Me.. Me.." "I'm out of here." He replied storming out the door in shock.

Willow woke to see Buffy, Giles and Xander peering into her face.

" What happened?"

" You fainted" " You're still weak from your ordeal and all this emotional

distress is not good." Giles lectured.

" Come, we're taking you home."

~~~~~~~

Spike had returned to Vegas. By the time he hit the strip he had told

himself that he was just infatuated with the silly siren and that she was

going to be better off with her cartoon friends. He entered a casino and

began to gamble and drink heavily.

After seven hours he had won only one thousand bucks and was so inebriated he

was close to passing out. He knew he needed to get upstairs to his suite. As

he was crossing the hotel lobby, he caught a display in the hotel gift shop.

He noticed a black and white stuffed penguin.

He staggered into the shop and asked the clerk to purchase the penguin. "

It's for my son" he slurred and promptly passed out.

Xander, Giles and Buffy brought Willow home. Willow couldn't believe how bad

she felt. She retired to her room and cried herself to sleep. Xander stayed

behind to keep an eye on Willow. His lips was killing him and he was going

to have a nasty shiner complements of Oz.

Buffy decided she was going to find Oz and try to explain. She knew he

would be hurt and that Willow really should be the one to tell him but Willow

was in enough pain without having to admit to her old boyfriend that the man

she fell in love with left her pregnant and alone. Buffy knew once Oz

calmed down he would be empathetic to Willow's situation.

Xander checked in on Willow's sleeping form to see the cat Saber curled

against her side. As he was walking away he heard Willow cry out Spike's

name. He quickly entered the room and Willow was crying out in her sleep.

Xander went to the bed and tried to awaken Willow from her bad dream.

Willow regained consciousness and felt the weight of the world on her heart.

Xander hugged her as she cried gut wrenching sobs.

all else has left me and my old boyfriend hates me and my parents are going

to kill me>

~~~~~

Spike awoke and was immediately run over by a truck. " Bloody, hell, what.."

He awoke in his bed in his suite. He was clutching a stuffed penguin.

Bits and pieces of the most recent events came flooding back. Then he felt a

stake enter his heart as he thought about Willow, his beautiful, sweet Willow

and he felt the stake change him to dust. He lay back upon the bed unable to

move.

~~~~~

Angel found no sign of Spike in Sunnydale. Although he wasn't surprised that

Spike had needed to take some time out, he was suprised that his childe had

apparently left Sunnydale and Willow. That is just not like him. Spike is

crazy about her why would he leave her. Angel answered his own question. <

He left her because he loves her so much. He wants her and the baby to have a

happy life and not be tied down with a vampire. Angel himself had come to

the same conclusion about Buffy. He had decoded to leave at the end of the

summer, after graduation, after the ascension. > Angel shook his head; they

made a fine pair of sorry assed demons struck down by love from two

remarkable women.

~~~~~~

Willow wiped her nose and face after her crying jag. She thanked Xander and

asked him to leave to give her some time alone to think. Xander agreed only

after Willow threaten to turn him into a rat.

Willow forced herself to eat dinner. She turned things over in her mind.

She need to stop being such a crybaby and make some plans. She was

responsible for a child now. This reinforced her motivation to fight evil to

make the world a safer place. She decided that once her parents came back

she would move out and get her own place. Willow also thought about what

changes the Scooby gang would undergo as graduation approached. She reasoned

that the high school library was going to be off limits to them. How could

they all rationalize hanging out there once they graduated? Buffy, Xander

and herself were to go to Sunnydale University this fall. Willow knew she

would still go to college but would have to skip the fall semester since the

baby was due. She could start in the spring. She was more motivate than

ever knowing she was bring a new life into the world to keep it safe from

evil. She was going to be a part. What she needed was a place big enough

for her to live, and a place for the gang to use as home base to hang out and

work from. Willow had an idea.

~~~~~

Buffy had caught up with Oz and once he calmed down she explained the whole

sordid affair about Willow's spell casting, living in 1869, her falling in

love, Aaron the warlock, Spike's leaving.

Oz wasn't feeling any better now that he heard all the details but did feel a

bit remorseful for calling Willow names and beating the crap out of Xander.

Oz knew he would see Willow to let her know how sorry he was about

everything. He needed closure with her. This stuff happening just helped him

decide that he was going on the road with the band after graduation. He

needed to put Willow and Sunnydale behind him.

~~~~~

Angel was surprised to see Willow at his door alone.

" It's after dark you shouldn't be out alone." He said worriedly

Willow flashed her stake and squirt gun filled with holy water.

" Can we talk?"

Angel heard out Willow's plan and he saw the merit in it. The more they

talked the more sense it made. He was leaving at the end of summer anyway.

Why not.

Angel accompanied Willow back to the library to talk to Giles and Buffy.

Giles was excited to see them he shared his latest prophecy, which gave good

clues as to how to defeat the mayor.

They called Xander and finalized their plans to defeat him. During a snack

break Willow piped out with her and Angel's plan for the future.

" Uh Oh," Buffy said, "this sound kinda scary the future as in after

graduation."

Willow, smiled and reported that Angel had sold her the mansion, well she

only paid ten dollars for it since it needed a lot of work… but that she was

going to move in.

" What?" Xander, Buffy and Giles cried in puzzlement.

" Guys, have you given any thought to where we will meet and hang out to work

once we graduate? The university library or anywhere on campus for that

matter is out. It will be crawling with student." She said.

" No, I really hadn't thought that far ahead with everything going on.."

Giles stammered.

"The mansion is large enough for me, and the baby, and it has a huge library,

that Giles could keep his books in; and we could make an office for you

Giles, and we have plenty of meeting space… and space for Buffy to work out

and extra bedroom in case you wanted to stay over… and it will be easy for me

to work at home and have you guys around to help watch him.. and stuff"

Willow babbled excitedly.

" Yes, that does seem like a sound idea." Giles said smiling.

" What about Deadboy?' " You're not going to be living with him are you?'

Xander asked testily.

" Of course Angel can stay until he moves to LA."

~~~~

Spike's days blurred one into another. He gambled to pass the time, he felt

so depressed most of the time he didn't even care to drink, cared even less

about feeding, although he did just enough to keep going, he cared even less

about shagging. Ever time he saw a red head he thought of his Willow and his

heart soared for a second then crashed and burst as if it were dipped into

liquid nitrogen.

~~~~~

The Scooby gang fought together and brought down the mayor's evil ascension.

He was destroyed once and for all. Oz said his good-byes to his old friends.

Willow gave the valedictorian speech at graduation. She told her parents

that night about the baby. They were very upset and wanted to know who the

baby's father was and why he wasn't standing by their daughter. Willow broke

down and told them, it was just better this way, trying so hard to make

herself believe it. Her parents were even more upset when she told them she

was moving into the mansion.

The gang had cleaned the mansion and made it more hospitable than before.

Saber enjoyed the lard yard and court yard. Buff was taking a well deserved

day off and Giles was working with Willow on controlling her ever buergoning

wiccan skills.

Giles had been in lecture mode for over ten minutes, and Willow's mind

drifted.

"Giles" she interuped; " Would you be my labor coach?" She asked shyly.

" What?" his mouth hung open in a little O.

" Never mind," she said seeing the surprised look on his face.

" Willow, ….I'm flattered and honored you would ask me." Giles eyes teared

up in spit of himself. He approached Willow and took her hand. " Nothing

would make me happier." He smiled.

Willow hugged him, " Thanks Giles, you're such a good and patient teacher

and you're so responsible and dependable, there is no one else I want to be

with me more." She said tears in her eyes.

That evening over a spagetti dinner Wilow told the rest of the gang the good

news about Giles being her coach. Everyone thought it was a good idea and

congradulated them both. As Willow went into the kitchen to clean up,

Xander, Angel, Buffy and Giles spoke excitedly about planning a baby shower

for Willow.

Buffy made some comment about what an asshole Spike had turned out to be, "

It's been six weeks since he left, and not even a call or letter." Willow's

showing and everybody in town is whispering about which of you three is the

babies father.." Buffy griped waving her hand. " Willow just tunes it out

and keeps plugging along like everything is dandy. Have you ever caught the

look on her face when she doesn't know were looking at her?"

Angel, admitted that Willow was putting up a good front but that late at

night he heard her crying.

Xander looked down and swallowed feeling guilty again. " I'm going to find

his sorry dead ass and drag him back here." Xander said softly.

" What?" Buffy said laughing, " You who hate him are going to bring 'SPIKE'

back here.

" Are you on drugs?" she laughed.

" I mean it, I've seen the look on her face. I hear what people are saying

behind her back. I'm going to find him and tell him I was wrong." He

blurted.

" Tell him you were wrong about what?" Giles asked.

" Ah. Oh." " I.. that night Willow almost died, I was so angry and scared I

confronted him and asked him if her really?" He said he did and would do

anything for her. " I sad if you loved her you would let her go, let her

have a better life without him.. I begged him to prove he loved her by

leaving.. that we could all take care of her and the baby."

Xander's guilt had been eating at him for several weeks now. He saw how hard

Willow was working pretending everything was all right, but Buffy was right

she had such sadness in her eyes. Xander decided he was going to find the

missing demon and bring him back to Sunnydale. If only Buffy hadn't mocked

him, then he wouldn't have blurted out about him being the one to challenge

Spike's love for Willow. Xander had begged him to leave Willow alone.

Buffy was pissed. " I can't believe you did that!"

"What did Xander do now?" Willow asked entering the room with ice cream.

"He stuck his nose in places it didn't belong." Buffy replied angrily.

Xander's guilt started to burn even brighter. What he hadn't admitted to

anyone was that several weeks ago when he was helping Willow move into the

mansion he found a letter under her bed. Xander opened it innocently enough

thinking it was some note or forgotten card and he was shocked to find a

good-by letter from Spike. At the time Xander thought it was for the best,

he debated showing the letter to Willow, but thought it would just reopen

wounds she was desperately time to heal. So Xander had been carrying around

the damn letter in his wallet.

" Xander wouldn't be Xander if he didn't stick his nose in everybody's

business" Willow said teasingly, as she began to scoop out ice cream.

"Well, he practically drove…"

Xander interrupted Buffy's tirade " Willow it's my fault Spike left you."

"What?" Willow said chocolate ice cream running down her arm.

"The night you came back and almost died, I said if he loved you he would

leave you.. That he couldn't give you the kind of life you deserved.. That we

could all help you and watch out for you." Xander explained

" Oh" Willow said sitting down at an empty chair at the table, she placed her

chocolate cover hand on her protruding abdomen.

"Spike left me. He may have rationalized some sort of noble reason, but I

think it's just a crappy, sorry excuse, it doesn't change the fact that he

left, no nothing." She sighed.

"Well actually when I was helping you

move, I found a letter than had fallen under your bed. I didn't know what it

was an I started to read it. and it was from him." Xander said, taking the

bloodstained letter out of his wallet. " I didn't know if I should give it

to you are not."

" I'm going to kill you Xander" Buffy shouted.

Willow sat still in the chair. " I don't want to see it. I… he left me.. no

excuse is acceptable he said he loved me and he left… I don't want to hear or

read about any more lies.

start screaming or break into a million pieces. I can't cry anymore. I won't

I have a life to make for my son. >

" So who wants ice cream?" Willow repeated standing up.

"I'm going to look for him Willow. I'll find him I promise."

" Xander did you just hear me. I don't care, if he were to come crawling

back on his hands and knees, I wouldn't give him the time of day" she said

her resolve face in place.

" Will, you don't mean that." Buffy said.

" Yeah, I do." " Giles, ice cream?"

" No.. No thank you." He was a bit stunned by the turn of events.

" I'm sorry Will if .. if I caused you any hurt.." he replied with remorse.

" Xander sometimes you're the biggest ass in the world, and you usually don't

say the right thing, but you've always stood by me no matter what. That's

what counts." Willow answered.

" Your not mad?" he asked amazed.

" No, I'm sick of feeling mad.. I'm sick of feeling hurt and broken."

" I'm just going to live my life.

Once again Giles was stunned by the young women.

me. She has shown such strength and determination, she is truly amazing..

God what bloody fool he was to have left her.

Angel had taken in the scene, shaking his head.

your ass back here before Willow really does get on with her life and leaves

you to bite the dust. >

Xander knew Willow well enough to know that for all her determination and

bravado she was hurting big time and that he had helped cause a great deal of

it.

After the ice cream Willow excused herself, saying she was tired and would

see them all tomorrow.

Xander announced, " I'm going to find him, I don't care what she says."

" You couldn't find a pimple on you ass Xander," Buffy added testily.

"Hey," Xander cried.

"Buffy's right." Angel commented.

" No comments from you Dead Boy." Xander groused

" I'll be hard to find Spike if he doesn't want to be found."

" I'll go look for him." Angel offered.

" You" Buffy said.

" I know him pretty well" Xander you be sucked dry with twelve hours snooping

around in Spike's haunts."

"I think we should all respect Willow's wishes" Giles offered.

" I hate to say this Giles, but for once I agree with Xander, Spike should be

here so he and Willow can at least work this out one way or another.

Willow doubts Spike's feeling for her. I've never seen him love anybody or

care about anybody the way he does Willow, not even Dru. Even if theydon't

get back together, Willow needs to know how much he loves her. Spike is a

selfish bastard; this vanishing act is out of character for him. He and Dru

were attached at the hip. He left because he really believes Willow can have

a better life without him. He's probably right, but they at least need the

chance to work this out together."

"I'll leave at dusk tomorrow." Angel said.

" I'll be going with you." Xander said matter of factly.

" No, I'll be able to fnd him quicker without you." Angel stated.

" Man I'm going.. I'm not too happy thinking about spending time cooped up

with you in a car, but I need to do this for Willow." Xander explained.

"Well, if you hadn't tried to help Willow to begin with we wouldn't be in

this mess. Buffy scolded.

Angel had rented a black Chrysler Le Baron, with dark tinted windows (just in
case). He pulled up in front of Xander's house. His mouth dropped open at
all the stuff the kid was carrying. He had a backpack, a huge grocery bag,
(are those Twinkies) and a suitcase side cassette tape holder. Angel shook
his head got out of the car and opened the trunk. examined. >

" Hey Dead Boy, are we ready to hunt down the blond fang?"

" Look Xander, I don't want the car messed up O.K." Angel said pointing at
the large bag of food.

" You didn't need to bring stuff for the whole trip, we're going to be
stopping." Angel added.

" Man, this stuff is just for tonight." Xander explained.

Angel rolled his eyes, and got into the car.

" So where are we headed?" Xander asked rubbing his hands together.

" Mexico" Angel replied. " Every time Spike and Dru had a falling out he
would hit the tequila."
" There is this place just south of Baja, a real dive called Pedro's Pub.
Spike always got a kick out of the name."

~~~~~
Spike tipped back another tequila shooter. pathetic wimpy vampire anymore, no. Not me. Tonight I'm going to shag me a
hot showgirl… Yes… one with huge silicon breasts. Yep.>
He tipped another tequila shooter and watched the floor show.

~~~~~~

Giles was feeling a bit prickly, as both Angel and Xander disregarded his
advice about letting things alone. The Vamp and the boy would kill each
other making Willow even unhappy. Willow is young and resilient she will get
over her heartbreak, and find someone who really loves and cherishes her and
her son. No need to complicate matters with Spike.

Giles returned from the kitchen to see Willow asleep her head next to the
keyboard. His heart wrenched as he looked at the sleeping girl. She looks
like a Goddess from a Rodan sculpture. Giles approached the sleeping beauty
and picked her up into his arms. Willow shifted into his embrace and sighed
softly against his neck.
Giles felt his body respond. The truth if Giles was
willing to admit it to himself was that his love and affection were growing
for this woman. In reality his own biological clock was ticking ever more
loudly and Willow's allowing him to be a part of her pregnancy affected him
deeply.
Giles placed Willow gently on her bed and covered her. Willow murmured "
William" half-asleep.
Giles caressed her soft cheek. Giles moved down the hall to Angel's room.
He decided he was going to stay and watch over Willow while Angel was away.
That's what he was a watcher.

~~~~~
The buxom brunette was all over him in the elevator. Spike felt his bodies
respond for the first time in almost two months. He returned her kisses and
rubbed his hands over her artificial breasts.
" Willow" he murmured.
"My name's Matty" she said playfully biting his earlobe.

" I'll call you whatever you want, Pet"

Spike unlocked his suite and the showgirl was tearing at his shirt.

Spike flashed back to his Willow, tearing at his shirt and him taking her on
the library table. He groaned and closed his eyes tighter and picked up this
women and moved them over so he could set her on the dresser. She was
grabbing his ass and trying to pull him closer to her. Spike opened his eyes
and peered into the mirror attached to the dresser behind the women. He saw
Willow's naked reflection beckoning him with her finger, like she had in the
cottage. Spike whirled around feeling guilty and suddenly more aroused than
ever.

" Hey" the showgirl whined, " where you going?"

The room was empty. He turned around and his erection deflated like a balloon
as he looked at this brunette. broken but now my dick broken too. >

" I'm sorry Pet, this wasn't such a good idea.."

" What she pouted, moving off the dresser and running her hands over his
naked chest.
Spike pulled her hands away and steered her towards the door. " I've just
got a killer migraine headache luv, maybe next time." He handed her a
hundred-dollar game chip " Play a round for me."
~~~~~~

" Can you pull over?" Xander asked

" What for?" Angel asked cursing himself for the tenth time that he was dumb
enough to let Xander tag along.

" I' goat take a piss, if you don't mind." Xander replied snottily.

" Well, if you hadn't drank that six pack of soda." Angel grumbled.
Angel moved his foot to the brake to slow down and his foot collided with an
empty soda can, he moved it out of the way and felt cellophane stick to the
bottom of his shoe.


Angel got out of the car to stretch his legs. He sensed a small life form in
the bushes. He was feeling mighty frustrated and tense; a little fresh blood
could take the edge off he thought. Angel tore off like transformed into the
feral creature he was and began to chase the rabbit.

" Hey, where are you going?" Xander called after Angels retreating form,
stampeding through the bushes.
Xander thought munching on another
Twinkie as he opened another Pepsi it sprayed and foamed over the leather
interior of the driver's seat. the seat. > He sucked at the foaming can.

Angel returned several minutes later and climbed in to the car.

" Fuck, What the hell did you do, Piss on my seat?" Angel shouted turning
to Xander his game face
glaring.

Xander noted not only was Angel annoyed in full game face but also that Angel
had a big blob of blood on the end of his nose. He looked so ridiculous, all
grrr and he had blood on his nose. Xander couldn't help himself he started
to laugh.