Dopplegängland

Finally! I get to do this episode! All about Willow and her evil side! I've been waiting to do this one since I started the quotes! I love this episode! It has everything! Alyson Hannigan portrays the wonderful Vampire Willow once more, and does an even better job than she did in The Wish. The evil skankiness is even more believable! Of course, this page is the longest out of any of the quote pages! Enjoy! I know I did!


  • Willow: Hey! You wanna go to the espresso pub and get sugared up on mochas?

  • Willow: I'm not sure I understand the marriage part.
    Snyder: You've got the brains, he's got the fast break. It's a perfect match.
    Willow: Match? You want us to breed?

  • Anya: I swear, I'm just trying to find my necklace.
    Willow: Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?!

  • Anya: I heard you were a pretty powerful wicca, so...
    Willow: You heard right, mister. I'm always ready to work some dark mojo.

  • Buffy: Look, I'm sorry. I know how you hate talking about Faith.
    Willow: No, it's okay.
    Buffy: No really, we should just not...
    Willow: It doesn't bother me, I mean it.
    Buffy: Uh, Will?
    Willow: Oh.
    Buffy: Emotional control?
    Willow: I'm working on it.

  • Buffy: The Watcher's Council is heavy into tests. They've got tests for everything. TATs, Rorshack, associative logic. He even has that test to see if you're crazy that asks if you ever hear voices or if you ever wanted to be a florist.
    Willow: Ooh, I used to want...wait, florist means crazy, right? I never wanted to do that.

  • Buffy: Aren't you going to introduce me to your...holy God, you're Willow.
    Vamp Willow: You.
    Buffy: You know what? I like the look. It's, um, it's extreme, but it looks good, you know, it's a...leather thing, and, uh...I said extreme already, right?
    Vamp Willow: I don't like you.

  • Buffy: See, I told you. Old reliable.
    Willow: Oh, thanks.
    Buffy: What?
    Willow: Old Reliable? Oh, great, there's a sexy nickname.
    Buffy: I, I didn't mean it as...
    Willow: No. It's fine, I'm old reliable.
    Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.
    Willow: That's Old Faithful.
    Xander: No, isn't that the dog that the guy had to shoot?
    Willow: That's Old Yeller.
    Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me. Will, I didn't mean as a bad thing. I think it's good to be reliable.
    Willow: Well, maybe I don't wanna be reliable all the time! Maybe I'm not just some doormat person! Homework Gal!
    Xander: I'm thinking nervestrike.
    Willow:[starts to stomp off, then turns around] Maybe I'll change my look, or cut class, you don't know!...And I'm eating this banana, lunchtime be damned!
    Buffy: Will, wait, I'm really sorry, I...
    Willow: Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me.

  • Anya: Listen, I have this little project I'm working on, and I heard you were the person to ask if...
    Willow: Yeah, that's me, reliable dog geyser person.

  • Buffy: So, he threatened you? With what?
    Willow: Well, it wasn't exactly anything he said. It was all in his eyes. I mean, there was some nostril work as well, but mostly eyes.
    Buffy: Snyder needs me to kick his ass.
    Willow: Oh, no, Buffy, don't get in trouble. I'll be OK. I just hate the way he bullies people. He just assumes everyone's time is his.
    Giles: Willow, get on the computer. I want you to take another pass at accessing the Mayor's files.
    Willow: Okay.

  • Xander: Back! Get back demon![holds a cross in Willow's face][Willow doesn't flinch, and Xander shakes the cross as if it could be broken]
    Buffy: Willow, you're alive.
    Willow: Aren't I usually?
    [Buffy and Xander give her bug hugs]
    Um, I love you guys too... okay, oxygen becoming an issue...Giles, what's going on with these guys...
    [hug from Giles].
    Giles: Oh, sorry, um...
    Willow; it's really nice that you guys missed me so much. Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?

  • Buffy: First sign of trouble, you give us the signal, we come in hard and fast.
    Xander: What is the signal?
    Willow: Me screaming.

  • Vamp Willow: Alone at last.

  • Willow: Okay. That's a little blacker than I like my arts.

  • Vamp Willow: Bored now.

  • Vamp Willow: Bitch.

  • Willow: How come the sudden calisthenics? Aren't you sort of naturally buff, Buff? Heh, Buff Buff!

  • Willow: I believe these chicken feet are mine!

  • Vamp Willow: You made me cranky.

  • Vamp Willow: No. This is a dumb world. In my world, there are people in chains and we can ride them like ponies.

  • Willow: I'm a bloodsucking fiend. Look at my outfit.

  • Vamp Willow: You don't wanna play, guess I can't force you. Wait... I can.

  • Vamp Willow: Well, look at me. I'm all fuzzy.

  • Vamp Willow: Get off me!

  • Willow: Good luck. Try not to kill people. [Willow hugs her doppleganger] Hands! Hands!.

  • Willow: Ow, ow, ow. Happy, but ow!

  • Willow: Hi, I'm back.

  • Willow: I killed her. And sucked her blood... as we vampires do.

  • Vamp Willow: Leaving now.

  • Willow: Now if you'll excuse me, I have someone else's homework to do.

  • Willow: I'm eating this now. It's not lunchtime. I don't even care.

  • Willow: It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil... and skanky. And I think I'm kinda gay.

  • Cordelia: What? Do I have something on my neck.
    Vamp Willow: Not yet.
    Cordelia: Am I getting a zit!
    Vamp Willow: [in a very non-caring voice] Cordelia. I'm very sorry. I realize that I was wrong. I'll never steal your boyfriend again.
    Cordelia: Like you could. I should just leave you in there, but I'm a great humanitarian, and you will just have to think of a way to pay me back.
    Vamp Willow: Okay.[puts on game face] How 'bout dinner?

  • Cordelia: I didn't mean all that stuff I said before. I want you to have Xander. My blessings on you both.
    Vamp Willow: I'm so over him. I need fresh blood.

  • Willow: No! I think emphatically not!

  • Willow: I don't like that you dare question me. Maybe I'll have my minions take you out back and kill you horribly.

  • Vamp Willow: If you're all good boys and girls, we'll make you young and strong, forever and ever. We'll have fun. If you're not...[she puts on her game face and bites Sandy]... Questions, comments?

  • Willow: No more snuggles?

  • Willow: She bothered me. She was so weak and accommodating. She's always letting people walk all over her, and then she gets cranky with her friends for no reason. I just couldn't let her live.

  • Vamp Willow: This is weird.

  • Willow: What's goin' on? Geez, who died? Oh God, who died?!

  • Vamp Willow: I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.

  • Willow: Strangely, I feel like staying at home, and doing my homework, and flossing, and dying a virgin.
    Buffy: You know, you can OD on virtue.
    Willow: Between me and my evil self I have double guilt coupons. I see where the path of vice leads.

  • Vamp Willow: Uh, I was looking at books... I like books, 'cause I'm shy.
    Cordelia: Yeah, right, the famous shy girl act all the boys fall for.

  • Willow: It's a little binding. I guess vampires really don't have to breathe. Gosh, look at those.[stares at her breasts]
    Giles: [clears his throat] Uh, oh yes.

  • Willow: A human? Oh yeah, could a human do this? [she screams]
    Vampire & Anya: Sure, yeah, I think humans do that.

  • Willow: What do I want with you?
    Vamp Willow: Your little school friend Anya said that you're the one that brought me here. She said that you could get me back to my world.
    Willow: Oh. Ooohh! Oops.
    Vamp Willow: I don't know. I kind of like the idea of the two of us. We could be quite a team, if you came around to my way of thinking.
    Willow: Would that mean we have to snuggle?
    Vamp Willow: What do you say? Wanna be bad?
    Willow: This just can't get more disturbing. Ack! No more! You're really starting to freak me out.

  • Vamp Willow: This world's no fun.
    Willow: You noticed that too?

  • Wesley:[he holds up a cross] Back, creature of the night! Leave this place!
    Vamp Willow: Don't wanna.
    Wesley:[holds up a bottle of holy water] Vamp Willow: Whatever.

  • Willow: This is creepy. I don't like the thought that there's a vampire out there that looks like me.
    Xander: Not looks like, is.
    Buffy: It's exactly like you, Will, every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix... as far as we know.
    Willow: Oh, right. Me and Oz play mistress of pain every night.
    Xander: Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?
    Buffy: Oh yeah.

  • Xander: Will, we saw you at the Bronze, a vampire.
    Willow: I'm not a vampire.


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