'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse.
I lay still beside him until I heard a snore,
then I slipped from the bed and out through the door.
I crept up the hallway and down the front stair;
I tiptoed to the living room to see what was there.
And lo and behold, under the tree,
was a shiny black box labelled to ME!
I pulled and I pried, and as I lifted the lid,
I heard a cough from behind, my husband up from bed.
I stood up and stammered "I-I just couldn't sleep";
"Mm-hm", answered Don, "well that box'll keep".
And so I resigned to go back to bed,
but visions of gifts still danced through my head.
A new dress, a necklace, a crate full of socks;
what could possibly be contained in that box?
A tea set, some perfume, a puppy to keep;
I ran through the options as I drifted to sleep.
In the morning I woke from that sleep with a scream;
creepies and crawlies; I'd had a bad dream.
And then I remembered just what day it was:
December 25th, Christmas, of course!
I ran to the living room to see what I'd get,
but I wasn't prepared for the sight that I met.
There were worms in the carpet, worms on the chairs,
worms in the hallway, worms on the stairs.
Worms hung from the lampshades and climbed up the walls;
they infested the kitchen; they crawled through the halls.
I looked at my husband; on his face was pure shock;
bewildered he wondered "how'd they escape from that box?"
And then I remembered that I'd lifted the lid;
could worms have been what my Christmas box hid?
"Yes", said my hubby, "it's a vermicomposter";
under my breath I muttered "I'd as soon have a toaster".
But alas I was stuck with this so-called 'worm bin',
So I set about getting those worms back in.
And now it's one year later, Christmas eve once again;
my house plants are thriving, I've worm bins times ten.
Yes, it's true, that black gold sure works like a charm;
I can't wait 'til my husband opens his brand new ant farm!
By Julie Gordon
Twas The Night Before Jesus Came
'Twas the night before Jesus came
And all through the house
Not a creature was praying,
Not one in the house.
Their Bibles were lain
On the shelf without care...
In hopes that Jesus would not come there.
The children were dressing to crawl into bed,
Not once ever kneeling or bowing a head.
And Mom in her rocker with baby on her lap
Was watching the Late Show while I took a nap.
When out of the East there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash!
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But angels proclaiming that Jesus was here.
With a light like the sun sending forth a bright ray,
I knew in a moment this must be THE DAY!
The light of His face made me cover my head
It was Jesus! returning just like He had said.
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself.
In the Book of Life which He held in His hand
Was written the name of every saved man.
He spoke not a word as He searched for my name;
When He said, "It's not here", my head hung in shame.
The people whose names had been written with love
He gathered to take to His Father above.
With those who were ready He rose without a sound
While al the rest were left standing around.
I fell to my knees, but it was too late;
I had waited too long and thus sealed my fate.
I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight;
Oh, if I only had been ready tonight.
In the words of this poem the meaning is clear;
The coming of Jesus is drawing near.
There's only one life and when comes the last call
We'll find that the Bible was true after all!
May the joy and peace Of His presence
Be with you until He comes again.
The Real First Night of Christmas
'Twas the first night of Christmas a long time ago
The hillside was peaceful, the moon was aglow.
The world couldn't know from what happened before
That men would remember this night evermore.
The sheep on the hillside--their days journey over
Were dreaming sweet dreams of a field full of clover.
The shepherds were watchful while guarding their flock
The earth was their pillow, the stars were their clock.
Then all of a sudden, they jumped at the sight
Of the sky all ablaze with a heavenly light.
They huddled in fear, then they started to rise
As the lightening-like flash tore open the skies.
The heavens were split by the silvery ray.
The dark disappeared and the night became day.
And lo, at the end of the rainbow of light
Appeared then an angel to banish their fright.
The angel brought news of a birth in a manger
And bade them to hasten to welcome the stranger.
For Mary had just given birth to a boy
Whose coming would bring so much comfort and joy.
A choir of angels looked down from the sky
And heavenly voices were heard from on high:
Peace be on earth and good will to all men.
The Savior has come on this night, Amen.
The heavenly angels then faded from sight.
The sky once again turned from day to night.
The shepherds all quietly rose from the ground
And hurried to go where the child would be found.
As they reached Bethlehem and the inn was in sight
From the barn came a trickle of half-hidden light.
It led like a path to a soft little bed
And shone very tenderly on a child's head.
The child in the manger was sleeping so sound
His eyes were still closed, as the shepherds stood round.
From that instant of grace on that night long ago
Thousands of years would be warmed by the glow.
Guided by light from a bright shining star
Came a pilgrimage led of three kings from afar.
They were dressed in the finest of satins and lace.
Their complexions were that of an Orient race.
The three wealthy kings were wise men and proud
But they went to the Christ child and solemnly bowed.
They came bearing treasures of incense and gold
To that sweet little child, still not very old.
The star in the sky twinkled down from above
The world was awakened to kindness and love.
The past was forgotten, the future was bright
And the spirit of Christmas was born on that night.
Twas a Florida Christmas
T'was the night before Christmas and all through the town,
no noses were frozen, no snow fluttered down,
no children in flannels were tucked into bed,
they all wore shorty pajamas instead.
To find wreaths of holly, t'was not very hard,
for holly trees grew in every back yard.
In front of the houses, Dads and Moms were
adorning the bushes and coconut palms.
The sleeping kiddies were dreaming in glee,
hoping to find water skis under the tree.
They all knew that Santa was well on his way,
in a Mercedes-Benz, instead of a sleigh.
And soon he arrived and started to work,
he hadn't a second to linger or shirk.
He whizzed up the highways and zoomed up the road,
in a S-L 300, delivering his loads.
The tropical moon gave the city a glow,
and lighted the way for old Santa below.
As he jumped from the auto he gave a wee chuckle,
he was dressed in Bermudas with an Ivy league buckle,
There weren't any chimneys, but that caused no gloom,
for Santa came in through the Florida room.
He stopped at each house....stayed only a minute,
emptying his sack of stuff that was in it.
Before he departed, he treated himself
to a glass of papaya juice upon the shelf.
He turned with a jerk and bounced to the car,
remembering he still had to go very far.
He shifted the gears and stepped on the gas
and up Highway 436 he went like a flash.
And I heard him exclaim as he went on his way,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL, I WISH I COULD STAY!"
A Realtors Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all
through the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse;
The sign was stuck in the lawn with care,
In hopes that the buyers soon would be there;
The Realtors at open house had all been fed,
While visions of commissions danced in their heads;
But the first buyer who saw the house on a map,
Had between what he had and the list price a gap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
It was buyer #2 - the Mad Hatter!
He had made a great offer with savvy and flash,
Tore open his briefcase and threw out the cash.
I thought the appraiser might value too low,
I'm just a Realtor - what do I know?
When, what to my wondering eyes should
appear,
But an acceptable contract and a lender no
fear.
With a termite inspector so thorough and quick,
I knew in a moment, I wouldn't be sick.
More home inspections that all sound the same,
We whistled and shouted and called them by name;
"Now ROOFER! Now, GARDENER! Now, PAINTER a
mixin,
New carpet, new vinyl new hardwood we're fixin.
To the top of the stairs! To the top of the wall!
More estimates, more bids, now more contractors
call!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard such good news,
After fretting and worrying, this I could use.
As I lifted my cell phone and dialed, I found,
the loan docs are here, with nary a sound.
Her eyes how they twinkled! Her dimples how merry!
Escrow instructions with her she carried.
Closing costs didn't seem too low,
But I reminded the buyer sometimes we don't know.
The cashiers' check held tight in his teeth,
My buyer was calm his nerves underneath.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his
home
I gave him the house keys no more to roam.
As we compose this real estate Christmas
prose,
Alas this is not how each escrow does close.
Before you buy or sell, give us a whistle,
As Realtors we'll keep you out of the thistles.
Please give us a chance, And feel free to call,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU
AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!"
by Nancy Schubb
The Sysop's Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a peripheral was stirring, not even a mouse.
The modem was plugged to the phone line with care
In hopes that a download soon would be there.
Our pirates were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of unprotects danced in their heads.
And Mama in her kerchief, and I in my cap
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
When up on the hard drive there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the monitor I flew like a flash,
Sat down at the keyboard, gave the spacebar a mash.
The sight on the screen, all a'flicker with snow,
Gave the luster of power surge to the menu below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an autoexec.bat that seemed rather queer.
With a little print driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment I had seen a new trick.
More rapid than eagles the cursors they came;
My MIDI whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Format, now Rename, now Copy, and Enter!
On Num Lock, on Caps Lock, on Scroll Lock, and Printer!
"To the top of the page, to the top of the doc,
Now tab it and bold it and merge it and block!"
As utilities that build up the CPU speed
Clash with just the programs I need,
So up to the screen top the cursors they flew,
With a RAM full of memory and an expansion board too.
And then, in a twinkling I heard on the speaker,
The grinding of the hard drive growing much weaker.
As I tried to reboot and turn it around,
The attributes changed from blue into brown.
I hit the control, the alt, and delete.
The screen message it gave me, I cannot repeat.
It asked me to Ignore, Retry, or Abort.
It told me the parallel had become the comm port.
Its lights how they twinkled; its pixels how merry,
Its prompts were all scrambled, like a bowl full of cherries.
It sounded just like it wanted to blow;
The screen was suddenly white as the snow.
It scrolled its directory before my eyes
With programs I didn't even recognize.
It wouldn't see D:, it wouldn't see E:;
I couldn't get out of B: into C:.
Norton's tried to read it, finally finding the FAT;
But alas! The disk was faulty, and couldn't reformat.
Away flew the DBase; away flew the DOS-es;
Away flew the WordStar; right out with the Windows.
The spreadsheets were spreading; the footers were headings;
What once had been memory was close to forgetting.
When the grinding was over and the smoke had all cleared,
I looked at the hard drive; it was just as I feared.
The 600 meg wonder had crashed in the night;
I'll never be able to block out that sight!
So tell everyone you know to avoid my plight;
Back up your files! Merry Christmas! Good Night!
