I'm off to Vancouver BC for the New Year. Visiting friends I made at Burning Man this year. Chris Weeks, Rick Bellairs, Kurt Feschuk and Astrid Fries. I've been talking to Tara and Steve in Tulsa. Tara was very sweet and sent me a black shirt with "fishnet" arms for the holidays. Very cool.

Chris is headed back to Tucson. I think about him constantly. Today I dusted off some letters we'd written back and forth last September and although my passion has not waned, I'm in such a different head space these days. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so impatient, although I know that this is a symptom of something deeper and darker. I am frustrated and yet I know my frustration is not entirely rational. I was able to put a positive spin on my feelings back then; I should be able to do that again. I'm not going to make excuses for myself.

I need to sleep on it and perhaps when I'm in Vancouver, I will find a new perspective. If I don't, I won't be anywhere different than where I am now and it will only be a matter of time and discipline. I want to be better. I want my life to be better. Only I can make that happen.