In Love with Love

I've been cautious to announce it too early, but I have to admit that the title of my web site is not merely an ironic observation of my own narcissism any more. In fact, Burning Man seems to want to force itself into the rest of my life permanently because I've been feeling festive and energized ever since I returned. There has been some need for adjustment back to the mundane, but oddly I've not found my life to be so unfulfilling anymore.

The best example is this past weekend. I first thought I'd be spending most of the time alone putting my life back together from my recent adventures in Nevada. Then on Thursday, my friend Frank Young called and since I hadn't talked with him since before I'd left for BM I made plans to visit with him the next day after work. We met at Kuan Yin Tea House in Wallingford and then went to dinner at the Chile Pepper, down the street. I showed him my pictures which I hope to have posted online soon and told him my stories. It was a wonderful time we had.

The next day I was planning on visiting with another friend I hadn't talked to in many months, only she eventually called to cancel. I had made tentative plans to include Chris Crounse, so having these plans cancelled opened up the evening to spend more time with him. When I talked with him, he suggested we meet at the Kells pub in the Pike Place Market, because he wanted to share with me the experience of their excellent pasties, but since he also wanted to visit the Eagle afterward, he insisted that I wear something appropriate for riding behind him on his motorbike. I haven't ridden behind someone on a motorbike in many years (the last time was on Eric Pollard's hawg, which was enough to turn me off that experience for a while). I decided that the only appropriate attire I owned was my black PVC pants and coat, so I dressed up and walked down to the pub to meet him that evening.

I stuffed "The Hellbound Heart" in my pocket to read (in the event that Chris got stuck in traffic or as what did happen we ended up waiting in different sections of the pub until we realized that we were missing each other) and felt really tough reading it in an Irish pub wearing my "fetish" clothing. The evening was wonderful, Chris telling me about his adventures in the mountains that week. We finished up with dessert at Earth and Ocean, where Jason Styles had taken me last winter before seeing Laurie Anderson. They have very delicious and fanciful desserts, which are to be experienced. The wait staff were very helpful and stowed our helmets and backpacks for us while we dined. We spend the rest of the evening at the Eagle and enjoyed the music and atmosphere there.

The next day, Chris made me blueberry buttermilk pancakes from blueberries he's picked up in the national forest. I kept telling him that no one had ever made me blueberry pancakes in my kitchen before. Then we took his motorbike to West Seattle where he took me around his old stomping grounds from the late eighties and we stopped for a veggie sandwich at his favorite Deli. Then he took me out to Discovery Park and we marched all over looking for favorite haunts. We were exhausted when we returned, but happy and satiated.

I had plans for the evening, so Chris bid me adieu and headed to Port Townsend where his van is. I'm quite taken by this man. I've known him for nearly seven years and the more I get to know him, the more I'm convinced that he is perhaps the kindest, most gentle, thoughtful man I've ever known.

Post Burning Man Blues

This seems to happen to me after I return to Burning Man. I examine the things in my life that lead me to unhappiness and then imagine what my life would be like if I severed all my ties and went for broke. One fantasy that runs through my head at this time but I find highly unlikely for me to realize is the one where I stay at Black Rock Desert and volunteer for the cleanup crew. I'm not sure what the appeal really is, but I like the altruism that is suggested by that sacrifice. Certainly some people on reading this would say, "why not? Why not give up all your worldly possessions and become a guardian of the earth." Unfortunately, my personality and personal goals lead me away, not toward this fantasy.

Lately I've been feeling like I've been playing more of the types of games that people play with one another's emotions. Which is not to say I've been playing them with malice or playing them frivolously. I'm just more aware that we all play some sort of game with each other. Most of the time it is just emotional "keep away". We all need to feel safe. Often that is just what keeps us from playing the fun sort of games we all want to play. Sometimes I hear friends complain that they've been too busy working. I wonder when they will just get fed up and do something about the lack of emotion in their lives.

Then wonderful things happen, you finally connect with someone you've spent a lot of thought with. You stop feeling like you're playing at anything and you realize how much you've spent your time playing half-heartedly. At the same time, you realize that you are out of practise with the games that two people play. You only have your confidence that you can play fair within a friendship and that it extends to other aspects of your life. Everything is connected, after all.

Reason magazine -- February 2000, Burning Man Grows Up by Brian Doherty

Found this "thought" piece link on a personal web site. Okay, it's old, but still interesting to note.

My first night home from Burning Man and I feel like I am spinning my wheels...but, what a time I had. I wish I could tell you all about it but right now I need to color my hair and get some rest. Tomorrow there will be more. Hopefully.