"Oh, I see, sorry mam," the nurse said looking nervously at Nick as he too came into the nursery.
"She's so beautiful, so innocent," I said as I began to cry. Nick came over and took her from my arms, I began to protest and then realized that he should get to hold his daughter no matter how upset we both were. "We need to name her Jen, perhaps after her mommy?," Nick suggested.
"No, one Jennifer is enough in the family," I said with a smile.
"Well I always liked the name Jenna," Nick replied.
"Jenna, I like it...What about Jenna Nicole?," I added, so the name had a piece of each of us.
"Beautiful, perfect...just like the two of you," Nick said, I winced, thinking of my earlier comment. The Nurse picked up Jenna and placed her back into the incubator, she let out a small cry, as if knowing our lives now belonged to her.
"Look Nick, I'm sorry about what I said earlier, I'm so sorry...I really don't blame you for what happened to Jenna, I was just very upset," I rambled on and on.
"Jen, it's ok...I do feel responsible and I will never forgive myself but right now all my concentration is on Jenna," Nick said with tears welling up in his eyes.
"Ms Mandel, Mr Carter, visting time is over now...you may come back in a few hours, try to get some rest," the nurse suggested as they got up to leave. I touched the incubator where my first daughter lay, and said a silent prayer for her life.
****
"Jen, the baby...she's flat lined," Nicole said running into the room. I was groggy because I had just been asleep. "Noooo," I screamed. I got up and began running to the Maturnity Ward nursery. The room was black, everyone was crying...crowded around what once was my only child. "No, No, No...this isn't happening," I yelled pounding on the door, but nobody appeared to be listening.
****
"Jen, wake up! you're having a bad dream," I heard Becky's voice from what seemed like a thousand miles away.
"Jenna, is she alright?," I ask grabbing the collar of Becky's shirt in hast.
"There hasn't been a change hun, you need to relax...I mean you're still recovering from you're surgery," Becky advised as Aj walked into the room rubbing his Neck.
"Hey honey, what's wrong...," Becky asked, knowing it wasn't good.
"It's Jenna, she's stopped breathing and they don't know how much longer she has," Aj continued, "They wanted me to come get you so you could say your final good byes," He said as he reached for my hand. I stepped into the wheelchair, totally oblvious to what was happening around, all I could think about was my baby, and the life she may be denied. We raced downstairs to see them giving Jenna CPR, on her little chest. Nick saw me from a distance, and ran over. "Nick?," I asked, he wrapped is arms tightly around me in response. All we could do was wait and pray.
