The sun was setting at the Garden. The activity committee (ie. Selphe Tilmit) was preparing the summer school play. So far, she was down on her luck for volunteer helpers. And being the only member, well, she was on her own.
“What am I to do!!” the brunette sighed, sitting on the empty stage, “And I told School master Cid that we’ll be ready by tomorrow!!”
Before she could go looking for her favorite cowboy, who would be willing to help for his own perverted gains, she paused to notice that Zell had arrived. “Yo! Wassup!”
”Oh Zell!!” she cried, happily running to her new best friend, “You're sooo kind!! I knew you’d come and help me with the play!”
“Er, no. The girl at the library just wanted me to tell you that you have a late fee… pay up so I can go back to my 'doing nothing summer break'…”
”Wait! You’ve got to help me! Please!!”
“No, I’ve got better things to do!!” he said turning to leave.
”Please!! You have to!” she exclaimed. All of a sudden, magic burst from her, blasting him. “Hah? Oops!!”
“Uwaah!! What did you do to me?!” Zell cried, now stuck in the form of a chocobo. “Selphe!! Undo whatever spell you did!! Please hurry! I don’t like being poultry!”
“Sorry!!” Selphie uttered, very embarrassed. “I’ll try, but I seriously don’t know how I did it.”
“Waaah! This is bad!!” he exclaimed, feathers flying everywhere. “I now have the strange feeling to go running around campus wildly!!” With that, the bird took off.
“Waaait!!” Selphie called after him, “Oh well… I better work on the antidote! But what about the summer play??”
* * *
Meanwhile, Irvine was in the training center, conversing with his favorite Guardian Force, Odin. The two of them gnawing on beef jerk sticks, he decided to make the conversation a bit more interesting.
“So like, what kind of babes do you go for? Hmmm, Odin??”
“Hmm… I sort of have a crush on Siren.”
”Really!!” the cowboy chimed, coming up with an idea, “Well, leave it to me! I’d be happy to hook you two up!!”
Odin blushed. “Are you sure she’ll go for me? I mean, I kind of look a bit, well, intimidating.” Beyond that, he was just scary looking, but no one had the heart to tell him it was the silly black hat.
“Don’t worry! She’ll dig ya!” Irvine replied, “I have just the thing that’ll win her over too! I picked it up while we were in Eshar. It’s a love potion!”
“Geez, Irvine, you're the best! Thank you so much!” Odin said graciously, "If you're ever in need of some extra slicing in battle - I'm your GF!"
* * *
Whistling, Irvine went off to find Siren. On his way, he happened to see Rinoa and Squall sitting together in the secret site, being mushy as always. 'Wooo! Let's take a peek, shall we??'
Just then Seifer came storming over with his gang. “Hey!! Knock it off! Didn’t you know romantic relationships are a direct violation of Garden rule #2554!”
“What are you doing here, Seifer?” Rinoa asked, “You don't attend this school anymore!”
“It’s a free country. Can’t we go on a vacation anywhere we choose??”
“Yah, you tell em, Seifer!!” Raijin chimed.
“RAGE.” Fuujin simply said. Everyone stared at her as to ask why. She merely pointed at the recently arrived faculty member. “HER.”
Quistis crossed her arms. “It’s way past curfew! What’s going on here??”
“Nothing.” Squall said calmly.
“They started it!” Rinoa said, pointing to Seifer and his gang.
“LIAR.” Fuujin replied. She paused to notice that Seifer had left the premises. “WHERE?!”
Seifer had caught eye of the spying Irvine and now was bullying him for his lunch money. “Oh what’s this? Illegal possession of Eshar novelties - I’ll take that!”
“W-Wait!!” Irvine called after him, “Oh, you’ll be sorry!!”
Back in the secret site, Quistis was frowning a bit, ‘Seifer’s acting up because Squall and Rinoa are acting mushy as ever. Why can’t he grow up and ask me on a date??’
Seifer came back, waving the vial in his hands. “Eheheh, look what I confiscated! Seems to be some sort of tabasco sauce. I bet this wimp Squall can’t handle it!”
“You’re on!” Squall blurted out.
Rinoa sighed, “Why are you always going along with what he says?!”
Quistis scolded them, “Would you two stop this rivalry! It's getting old!”
But it was already too late. The boys had rushed off to the cafeteria. There, Raijin dished out a pair of platters full of Balamb fish. Fuujin poured on the ‘tabasco sauce’ and Seifer and Squall readied their chopsticks.
“On your mark! Get set GO!!” Raijin chimed, lifting a red flag.
The two began stuffing their faces. As they neared the end of their meal, the effects started to work. Unfortunately, Rinoa had knelt down to pet Angelo, so Quistis was the only fan girl cheering. She was surprised by the weird expression on their faces.
“W-What’s going on??!”
“Quistis…” they both uttered as if in a trance.
“KYAAA!!” she screamed as they started to chase, hearts in the air. “HELP ME!!!”
“What the?!!” Rinoa cried, totally confused. “What’s gotten in them?! Are they both in love with Quistis?!?”
“What is this stuff??” Raijin asked, looking down at the holes in the dishes left by the sauce, “Waah! That’s scary, y’know!!”
Fuujin simply replied, “RAGE!!”
* * *
Irvine went to report back to Odin that the plan didn’t work. “It’s okay. I don’t think Siren would go for a GF like me.” he sighed, combing his horse’s tail. He had tried on another hat, a cowboy hat to be exact. “Thanks for trying, but I'm feeling a bit self conscience…”
”Wait just a minute!” Irvine said, “I’ll try again! This time, I can’t fail! You see, I have this!” He held up a dart. “It’s a ‘love dart’. Slap my butt and call me cupid!”
Odin slapped his butt and a gun appeared at his head. “Well! You said…!!!”
“It was a figure of speech. Anyways, here I go!!”
The beautiful Siren was in the courtyard, listening to Selphe about her problem with on what to do with Zell. She had caught the chocobo and put him on a leash.
“Couldn’t you heal him with your special magic??” Selphe asked anxiously.
”Sorry I can only silence people.” Siren explained. “You might want to talk with Sorceress Edea. She might get an idea. Or even Dr. Kadowaki.”
“Hm… thanks for your advice… come on Zell, let’s get going.”
In the bushes, Irvine went over his plan. “So as soon as I hit her with the dart, you’ve got to leap out and be the first one she sees, all right?”
“Oh…” Odin stammered still sitting on his horse, “Wish me luck!”
Irvine aimed and fired, the dart hitting its mark. Siren let out a yell and went blank for a moment, collapsing on the ground. Selphe and Zell peered down at her worriedly. “Are you all right??” Zell asked.
Meanwhile, Odin was riding towards them. Unfortunately, he tripped over Selphe and keeled over. Siren opened her eyes in time to see the dashing chocobo in front of her. “WOWIE!!”
“UWAAAH!!” Zell cried, as she gave him a big hug, “W-What’s going on here?!?”
“HEY!!” Odin exclaimed, drawing his sword, “I’m supposed to be the one!!” With that, he started attacking the bunch.
Siren realized that he was endangering her loved one and stepped in. “Take this, you creep!!” she snapped, playing her harp. The funky music made everyone silent. “Now, where were we??” she said, grabbing hold of the chocobo and escaping with him.
“Selphe!! HELP!!!” he yelled. But even Selphe couldn’t do anything; Odin’s heavy horse was still sitting on her.
* * *
Meanwhile, Quistis was still running from the love-struck boys. “What’s going on??! I only wished Seifer would notice me – not both him and Squall becoming insanely intoxicated!! If this gets out that I have students romantically pursuing me – I could lose my teaching license AGAIN!”
“Wait, come back…” Squall said in a little voice, heart bubbles everywhere, “Come back, Quisty darling…”
”HEY! You better come over here!! Otherwise you’ll be sorry!!” Seifer spoke forcefully, “C’mon Sweetie, don’t be scared!!”
“WAAAAAAH!! Someone save me!!”
And someone did. Opening her eyes, she realized that someone had appeared and lifted her off the ground. “Oh! Gilgamesh!!” she cried, sitting on his shoulder.
He and his many arms took out some swords. “Hey, you boys get a hold of yourselves.” He retorted, “Rinoa told me to break up this nonsense this instant!”
”Who care about that hussy.” Squall declared, “I like Quistis.”
”WHAT?!” Quistis cried, “T-That’s not true!! Squall, stop saying such terrible things!”
Seifer grinned. “Hmp, you finally admit that you too like Quistis! Well, let’s settle this like men!! Draw your gunblade!!”
“Let’s go!” Squall said. The two of them broke out into battle, the funky music playing in the background as they both used up their ‘protect’ magic.
“Stop it!” Quistis exclaimed. Although she felt a bit flattered that two guys were fighting over her, she felt bad that Squall had rejected his long time girlfriend. Rinoa was off to the side, now in tears after hearing Squall’s strange confession. “I’ve got to get them to stop!”
Gilgamesh shrugged. “How about I slice them up??”
“No, that’s not necessary!”
Just then, Selphe arrived, riding a giant silver horse. “Hey! Everyone, have you see Zell anywhere… or rather, a chocobo being dragged away by Siren?”
“No, sorry!” Quisits said, “Why??”
“There’s been a great mix up. For some reason Siren has fallen in love with Zell, who has turned into a chocobo! Everyone is under spell, and I don’t know how to break it!”
”WHAT?!”
Irvine suddenly appeared in the scene, waving his hands frantically. “I had nothing to do with this!!”
“What are we going to do??!” Rinoa cried, “Something tells me that Squall and Seifer are also under a spell. How do we heal them?!”
Quistis frowned. “I don’t know… but if we don’t stop them now, someone is going to get hurt!”
“I know!! Selphe said, “I’ll try it again – my ‘Slot’ special! Hopefully, the right magic will show up!!” She then started to concentrate and concentrate, squatting on the ground and clutching her head. “Eerrrr!!!”
“Careful, Sefie, you’ll pop a vein!!” Irvine yelled out.
“Oh shut up!!” she snapped at him, but then the magic started to work. “Uh oh…”
”What do you mean ‘Uh oh’??” Zell asked, him being led over by a leash held by the adoring Siren, “Selphe, what did you do?!”
“It’s not my fault! That cowboy made me lose my training of thought!!”
“What’s going to happen now?!” Rinoa asked, getting a little scared.
“Well…”
The scene switched to a sunny field of flowers and the ‘THE END’ sign popped up. Within seconds, everything went black.
* * *
With that, the spot light came back up and the actors walked onto the stage. “I’m glad you enjoyed our summer play!!” Selphe chimed, “Until next time!”
The crowd clapped their hands and they all took a bow. Irvine then took out an Eshar love pea-shooter. “Check this out!”
All of his friends tackled him. “NOOOOOOO!”
fin