“N…Nani…?!” Serika cried, after hearing a bit from her younger brother, who was still on the floor, downcasted, “Kaoru-dono… has left you?? D-Doushite, Shinta?”

Meanwhile, Hiroya and the children had come inside too, wondering what was wrong with him. “Shinta-ojichan!” Mai called, “Doushita no? Does your tummy here de gozaru??”

The eldest boy, Akio, looked from side to side, “Eto… where’s Kaoru-obachan? Okaasan said she’s gonna teach her a family recipe de gozaru yo! I wanna watch Kaoru-obachan learn how to cook!!”

The second son, Jiro, cheerfully nodded. “Yaay!! Kaoru-obachan is going to make us dessert! I wanna eat it on the room with lemon juice de gozaru!!!”

The eldest girl, Hana, was holding the baby who had even grown more since last spring. She turned towards her mother. “Okaasan, Kaiya-chan wants you de gozaru.”

”Uhn,” Serika said, moving away for the moment to get her baby girl. She turned back towards her brother, who still was looking sternly onto the floor. “Sou… Shinta, what are you going to do…??”

Kenshin slowly lifted his head. “S… Sessha…”

All of a sudden, a great boom of voices caught the entire family off guard. “ORO?!” The sound of rustling footsteps from inside came in their direction. Before they knew it a crowd had gather in the entranceway, having entered from the back gate and wondering where a certain swordsman was. They found, and at once started to state what they came for…

“Ken-san! There you are!!” Megumi gasped, gripping her medicine case, “What is going on?! Why did I get a strange note from Kaoru-chan saying that she can’t make it to her appointment tomorrow, and for me to give you the birthday gift she got you, which she’s hidden in the dojo…”

Kenshin blinked. “Oro? You mean that neat-looking traverler’s robe with the matching socks and sandals de gozaru?? Sessha found them when cleaning the other day… demo, Sessha didn’t think they were for sessha because sessha doesn’t deserve such gifts de gozaru yo…”

Megumi nodded her head. “Hai, that’s the one, but there goes the surprise.”

Next to her, Sanosuke was waving his fists. “Oi!! Where is that Jou-chan!?! I gotta give her a piece of my mind!!” He then pointed to his black eye. “I ran into her this morning on my way from Tsunan’s… she was pissed off and proceeded to rip my head off. Why the hell was she on some ‘man-hating’ rampage!?”

Saitou just blew some smoke into Sanosuke’s face, to make his shut up and cough away. “Ahou. Only a mutt like you could get a beating from a woman. Besides, who cares why… only the wife of Battousai is capable of such hateful acts. Tonikaku, I need the Battousai to come to the police station with me… and also Himura-san to go teach my wife how to make that oishii fish stew…”

”TEME!!” Sanosuke hissed, “I ain’t done talkin’!!”

Tsubame pushed herself to the front of the crowd, still struggling to get her words out. She had been trying from the beginning, but someone always out-voiced her. At last, she managed to yell out in a louder voice, “A-ano!! I really need to talk to Kaoru-san about something!! Please, where is she?!”

Kenshin just dropped his head, his hand still gripping the crumpled note. His sister walked over, her hand touching his shoulder as she acted as his spokeswoman, “Kaoru-dono is… she’s left Shinta de gozaru yo.”

”EEEEEHHHHHH?!?!?!?!!” practically everyone in the room, except Saitou, exclaimed, their faces pale and in shock.

Saitou puffed away on his cigarette. “Hmp, figures. Battousai wasn’t giving her enough sex, that’s why she left…”

An icy silence hit the room. All heads turned towards the cop’s direction. After a pause, Megumi smacked him upside the head with her medicine case. “BAKA!! There are children in the room!!!”

”Iresai, Opium woman!!”

“NANI!?!?”

Saitou then ducked a punch from Sanosuke, “Teme!! Don’t call Megumi that!!!! I’ll git you for it!!”

As those three argued, Hiroya escorted the naive children into the backyard to play. Tsubame was still in a little shock, but decided to stick around, hoping to find out where Kaoru was. She really did need to speak to her, about something important…

* * *
Last night, Tsubame was cleaning up in the Akebeko. She noticed that Yutaro was still seated in one of the booths. She figured he was just waiting until Tae wasn’t busy to go flirt with her, but she realized that there was a look of pain in his face. “Ano… Yutaro-kun… doushita no? Is something wrong?”

”Aa!” he gasped, a little started. He lifted his sweating head and laughed a bit, “Iya, chigao yo. I’m just a bit tired… there isn’t anything wrong.”

”Demo…” Her eyes moved to his injured arm, which was shaking with spasms. “Is it bothering you? Should you go see the doctor??”

”It’s not that serious… besides at this hour, it’d be rude to bother someone.” he retorted, “Daijoubu desu. You mustn’t worry about me… mada, aren’t you off? Shouldn’t you hurry up and go meet with Yahiko-yatsu??”

”A-ano… sore wa…” she stammered, a little red in the face. That was her initial plan after she finished with work, but now her mind filled with worry over her friend. But a strange feeling also caught her attention. ‘Nan desu ka??’ she wondered, kneeling down to pretend to take away some dishes. She managed to knock over his book bag, the contents spilling out. “Aa! Gomen nasai!” she cried, going to help his gather up everything.

Picking up some books, papers, and pens, her eye caught hold of a small triangle-like packet, a bit of white powder spilling out. Both her and Yutaro were staring at it, and when she lifted her head to question him about it, he quickly grabbed the rest of his things and got up. “It’s late… I ought to go home now. Give Tae-san my regards…” he stammered, throwing down his payment.

“Demo!” she cried, “What is that stuff… Yutaro-kun tell me!”

The brown hair fell into his eyes and he shook his head. “I’m the least of your concerns… please just stay out of it.” With that, he ran out of the restaurant.

Tsubame stared after him, not sure what to do. That powder was still on the counter and it didn’t contain an odor, but she knew it wasn’t sugar. Taking it into a small napkin, she kept and brought it with her to Genzai’s clinic, where the old man gladly examined it. “Eto… where did you find this, Tsubame-chan??” he gasped, after the results.

“Aa… someone left it at the restaurant… doushite? What is it??”

”It’s… opium.”

* * *
Tsubame was still troubled about this as she helped bring over the cooked dishes into the main sitting room. She and Serika had cooked the group lunch, already gathered around the table, sipping tea and talking in hushed voices. ‘Yutaro-kun…naze?’

Kenshin hadn’t said a word for the longest time, his gaze falling deep into his cup. Hiroya and the children ate at a separate table, giving them some chance to finally discuss why Kaoru had left. Even Saitou had stuck around, not making that extra trip to the station today, not without the person he came for. His golden eyes moved to the silent samurai. “Sou, Battousai, tell us already…”

”Kaoru…” Kenshin uttered, placing his tea down, his hands moving inside his sleeves, “She… she left before I told her that I didn’t want the baby…”

Megumi’s brow darken. “How could you say that, Ken-san?? You of all people are so good with children, and you know that kind of words would hurt Kaoru-chan…” she argued, but felt a hand on her shoulder. Sanosuke shook his head firmly, reminding her to let Kenshin explain himself. “Gomen. Go on ahead, Ken-san.”

”Aa… Sessha, more than anyone, wants to have a family with Kaoru and to make her happy… daga, the two of us… we’re not ready. There’s no way de gozaru… that we two can be parents…”

”Nan de?” Sanosuke asked, “Didn’t you say, ‘as long as you’re together, everything will be all right’?”

“Dakara, Kaoru and Sessha ‘aren’t together’. We haven’t been for a while… since we returned from that trip to Kyuushu, we’ve been so distant. No matter what I tried…” Kenshin closed his eyes and sighed, going to tell him the entire truth.

* * *
When they came back from Kyuushu, Kaoru fell into a great depression. She spent most of the time, lying around, crying… she refused to eat and she refused to sleep… over and over again, her tears fell and there was nothing he could do…

“Kaoru, onegai suru!” Kenshin pleaded with her, rocking her in his arms, the two of them in the darken room, “Don’t do this to yourself… please be strong!!”

She shook her head, thrashing about, trying to break out of his hold, “Iyaa… it’s… it’s all my fault! Everything… EVERYTHING!” It seemed she still blamed herself for her grandmother’s death, Kenshin’s injuries, her friends’ endangerment… and also regretted her disloyalty to her father, supporting the crimes he was wrongly accused for, as well as the truth about what happened to her mother and the assault by Ozawa shook her with trauma.

The day would pass quickly, Kenshin trying to make her eat something – trying to remind her that another person was suffering along with her. But she wouldn’t listen, and sometimes, wouldn’t talk to him. At night, her sobs would keep him up and he would again try to comfort her.

“Ssshhh…” he softly whispered in her ear, arms around her as they were lying in the futon, “Kaoru, I’m here… please stop… it hurts me to see you like this… your family wouldn’t want you to suffer either, please…”

She continued as though his words have passed through her. Persistent to get a response from her and to soothe her, he tried loving her. Moving on top of her, he kissed away the salty tears, caressed the trembling body, going as far to making love to her. But as he turned to her face, he saw that in her eyes was that cold look that sent shivers down his spine.

“Koishii…” he uttered, breathlessly, trying to understand, “What is it… tell me…”

He then got his response, the arms lifting to push him off and a cry that startled him, “DAME!!” Tangled in the blanket, he gazed up at her as she frantically put her clothes back on and then clutch at her head. “Iya… that’s not want I want…!”

”Kaoru… Suman… I didn’t mean to… especially if that’s not what you wanted… suman…” He slowly tried to move towards her again, “Tell me then, what can I do for you…”

“Why do you have to be near me ALL THE TIME??” she snapped, rather angrily.

“D-Datte…” he gasped, “Aishiteru… aishiteru, Kaoru, I need to be near you always… is it not the same with you…?” The way she stared at him was like a stranger; Kenshin’s very heart broke at this coldness. “Suman… I’ll try to give you more space…”

And sure enough, as soon as he began to give her time alone, she began to recover. At the end of the week, he even felt confident to leave her by herself in the house. And, after a trip to the Tokyo prison, to deliver a special gift to someone, he found himself walking out into a downpour...

* * *
”Somehow, Sessha knew she’d be in that place… that shrine where her mother was held captive and tortured… somehow Sessha knew she’d been back to the Kaoru we all know… demo… Sessha still couldn’t get that incident out of mind…” Kenshin said, glassy eyes on his hands, which had slid out of his gi, “Sessha couldn’t comfort her or give her what she wanted, instead… I-I violated her body… her freedom…”

Saitou tilted his head to the side, “Shit, who cares. She’s your wife, you can f--k her when you want.” A series of glares shot his way. He just continued to smoke away.

”Demo,” Tsubame blurted out, “Kaoru-san is better now and you mustn’t feel bad about that time…”

”Honto!” Megumi joined in, “Kaoru-chan’s needs are different from then, you must customize your actions to fit them…”

Kenshin clenched a fist. “But I don’t know anymore… what she asks, what she needs… I can’t give her. Even if she did ask me, I don’t think I can. Dakara, she doesn’t believe in me. You can see this in all the past events up until now… she’s taken everything into her own hands, and fights so strongly without my help or protection. She’s so far – I can’t reach her… not with these arms… or this voice… she’s gone from my reach…”

”Kenshin…” Sanosuke uttered, sympathizing with his friend, “Jou-chan still needs you, and you’re the one who makes it possible for her to do all this stuff… you’re the root of all that strength – she does it all for you!”

He lowered his head, blood dripping from his fist. “I… I can’t even think about this happening again. Will I hurt her again? Will I hurt the baby?? And if we’re fighting each other like this, what will happen to the baby? These problems never seem to go away and there’s always something, always! That’s why I wonder why we should have a baby… if our lives are just so complicated as is… and if she doesn’t even want me apart of her life anymore…”

”Kenshin-san, sou ja nai desu! You have to go after her!” Tsubame cried, but saw him shake his head, ‘Hah?’

“She said: ‘I’ve had enough.’ Maybe she has. Maybe she wishes we never got together or we never met… or that she never confessed to me her feelings and started to fight our battles … maybe she’s tired of my apologies… of my mistakes… of me…”

Kenshin then got up and snagged a bottle of sake, stumbling out the room. No one dared to go after him. The look in his face was completely heartbroken.

One by one, they all left and went home. Sanosuke decided to go looking around the town to see if he could find out any clues to where Kaoru went. Megumi went on ahead to the house and turn on the lights. Tsubame decided to console with her favorite swordsman. Saitou finally went to the police station, empty handed. Hiroya locked up the dojo and put the children asleep as Serika cleared up the table and dishes. She then checked on her brother who was sitting in the dojo.

“Nee, Shinta, why don’t you go inside? It’s cold de gozaru yo.”

”Aa…” he said blankly, “I should just go to sleep… there’s nothing else I can think of…”

* * *
Tsubame wandered though ruffian row cautiously. At night, it was extremely creepy and the scariest people were out on the streets. ‘K-Kowai!’ she thought, as she passed some hoodlums, who were drooling after her. ‘Aa, finally!’ She walked up to Yahiko’s apartment and knocked. “Ano…”

But he wasn’t here. She turned away from the door and rushed down the road. She had an idea where was. Going into the dark woods, she ran until she was sure that no one was following her. She then could see the faint light ahead. “Yahiko-kun!!”

“Eh?” Yahiko stopped his swinging and turned towards her. “Tsubame… what are you doing here so late?”

”There’s something I got to talk to you about. Could you stop that for now and let’s go inside? It’s so cold…”

He cut her off, “I’m not tired yet and am staying put. And whatever you have to talk to me about can wait till tomorrow. Can’t you see I’m busy?”

”Demo! It’s about two people you know… Kaoru-san and Yutaro-kun… onegai Yahiko, I need to talk to someone right now!” she cried.

He scratched his head, shrugging, “It doesn’t have to be me. Ya can go talk to someone else.”

”Yahiko-kun!” she exclaimed tearfully, “Is kenjutsu so much more important than everything else? Than me? Is this all you’re going to do for the rest of your live?! And what’s the point – even if you do beat your opponents, what’s the point to it all?!”

He blinked at her for a moment, then turned away, lifting up his shinai, “Kenjutsu is my life… I don’t give a damn about you or anything else… to be a master of kenjutsu – that’s my only goal. Don’t get in my way!”

”Don’t worry about that!” Tsubame yelled, then turned and ran off, ‘I won’t get in your way ever again…’

* * *
Even after the hot tea his sister made him, Kenshin didn’t feel soothed. Lying in the empty room, he spread his limbs out on the wide futon. Imagining her near - that she was there completely, the way she felt he memorized over and over again. But she wasn’t there. Perhaps he had been imagining her this entire time…

I love you … I’ve never felt this way about anyone… because Kenshin is here, I…

The scenes kept replaying. The first time they succumbed to their feelings in that cold and dark cave, the way she held onto him. He wished he could sleep in her arms forever, the warmth and feeling never ending.

‘But if you hadn’t… if that event truly shouldn’t have happened… has this all been a mistake…? Would you have become so troubled and full of sadness as I have … would you have tasted death and hatred… would you have gone so far as to regret and throw everything away…’

He clenched his eyes tighter, his own tears coming out.

‘Iya, if that hadn’t happened… I wouldn’t have known what love truly is… what it’s like to need someone so badly and fear nothing… surely, you feel the same about that… because… because we’re made for each other. And without you…’

Without. He didn’t want to even consider. Somehow, he decided, he had to make the event come back into glory – not as a mistake but as the point when he found his reason for living.