Kaoru sat at the door, gazing up at the starry sky. The smell of sake was strong in the air. She had just a few drinks and was starting to feel dizzy. Or maybe it was because Kenshin was sitting so close to her. Their sides were touching and he felt warm.
‘Kenshin…’ she thought, looking at his side profile. He was laughing with Sanosuke, who had told a joke about Megumi, who was pouring her sake in his lap. Aoshi was sitting silently with his tea, ignoring them all. ‘If everyone wasn’t here… if only we could be alone, then I could finally tell you…’
She stared into her cup, frowning a little. It had been over a week since the Jinchuu event had ended and they had come back from Kyoto. She could still feel how warm his hand was when they went to visit his ex-wife’s grave. It was an awkward situation for the both of them, but she would go through it all again, just to feel that warmth.
‘Demo… he hasn’t said anything since then… is it because…?’ She went frozen as he turned towards her, still smiling. ‘Because… this is how Kenshin is…’
“Kaoru-dono, do you need some more o-sake de gozaru??” he asked, slightly red in the face too. Perhaps he himself had drank too much sake already. He took her hand over and started to fill up her cup.
”I-Iya, that’s too much…!” she gasped. She just felt even dizzier with their hands touching, his face inches from hers, their breath mingling, “Kenshin… dame…”
Sanosuke chuckled and went to lie down on his side, already pretty drunk, “Pwaaah, what a night of partying! You bastards been fun! Now to make the night perfect, I just need to find myself a cute honey…”
Megumi socked him in the head. “Baka, the only women in the room are me or Kaoru-chan. Like hell I’ll let you touch me, and do you really want to take advantage of children??”
”OI!” he snapped, sitting up slightly and glaring at her, “Who said I’m gonna find her here… there’s so many lovelies running around at this hour…”
”Yeah… hookers…”
”Cheh! You’re just jealous… the only men who go near you are probably all geeks anyhow…”
”Hmp, that’s not so. I’ve had many men before… and much better looking than you!”
”Oh yeah!! All the women I’ve had are all better looking than you!!!”
Kenshin sensed the bad vibes and turned towards them, letting go of Kaoru’s hand. “Yare yare… is this really something to be bragging about de gozaru? Calm down, minna!”
”What about you, Kenshin?? Didn’t you have prettier women than this hag over here?!”
”NANI?!” Megumi yelled, grabbing Sanosuke’s hair, “What are you talking about?!”
Aoshi uttered, “You sure he had women??” A brief moment of silence passed.
Kenshin blushed extremely red. “ORO! Of course Sessha has women before!!!”
Sanosuke chuckled, “He admits it! What kind??”
Megumi knocked him aside. “Iresai! Don’t make him talk about his departed wife… Ken-san, I’m here for you if you want to talk in private.”
Kenshin smiled uneasily. “A-Actually… Tomoe wasn’t the only one… de gozaru…” Another moment of silence passed. His face went redder. “Oro…”
Sanosuke patted him on the head. “That’s understandable! A handsome guy like you, and hitokiri were pretty irresistible. I mean, when I was Zanza the gangster, girls were crawling all over me!”
Megumi replied, “You mistake them for fleas.”
”IREZE!!!”
Aoshi paused from calmly sipping his tea. “I think such pleasurable activities should be only practiced in the vicinity of marriage, and any other time would be inappropriate.”
Sanosuke and Megumi yelled at him, “WHO ASKED YOUR OPINION!!”
He went back to his tea. “This society is damned.”
”Oro, Aoshi…” Kenshin stammered, rubbing his head, “What about romance or the ‘spur of the moment’. If you’re at the right time and place.” He suddenly found himself staring into Kaoru’s eyes, “With the right person…”
’Oh!’ Kaoru went red and lowered her head. She didn’t like where this conversation was going. She felt so uncomfortable. And when Kenshin touched her shoulder, she shook with pain. “Itai!” she cried, grasping at her stomach, “What’s this all of a sudden…?”
“Daijoubu de gozaru ka??” he gasped, looking worried. He put down his drink and tried to hold her up, “Kaoru-dono!”
”My stomach aches suddenly… I think I had too much to drink… I better go to my room…” she stammered, pulling away and dizzily standing. She stared at down at his equally blushing face. “Sumimasen, minna… oyasumi nasai!” She then hurried out the room and down the walkway.
Kenshin watched after her, peering his head out the door, “Kaoru-dono… something is really wrong… maybe Sessha should…”
”Forget it. It’s better she left.” Megumi said, pouring him more sake, “She probably wasn’t comfortable with the conversation anyways.”
”Oro?” he uttered, accepting the full cup, “Dou de gozaru ka??”
”Datte… Kaoru-chan is probably… a virgin.”
Kenshin instantly spit out his drink, choking at the same time. “ORORORORORO!!!”
Ignoring him, Sanosuke waved his finger at the Fox. “Oi! What do you mean ‘probably’?? She is most definitely! I mean no one in their right mind would think about screwing Jou-chan… that is if they wanted to live!!”
Aoshi sighed, “You’re so kind to your friend, saying such nice words about her.” He then turned to the recovering rurouni, “Battousai, daijoubu??”
”Iya… it’s nothing…” he stammered, still dripping with sake, “Demo, you guys shouldn’t talk about that in front of Kaoru-dono… it’s no wonder she left. We made her uncomfortable and owe her an apology. It’s not right to talk about a person’s se -- oro…” Blushing, he couldn’t talk about this subject anymore because Kaoru was included. “Let’s just drop it…” he said quietly, going to get up and open the door wider.
”What’s with the serious look??” Sanosuke asked, staring at the back of his friend’s head, “Oi Kenshin~! Come drink some more! The night is still young!”
’Iya… the night has ended…’
* * *
Kaoru had changed and climbed into her futon, blowing the light out. Staring up at the ceiling, she saw Kenshin’s eyes coming back to haunt her. ‘Kenshin… why did you look at me that way…’
Next to her, Misao was already asleep. Her snoozing face had a smile as she was dreaming of her Aoshi-sama. She and Yahiko had left the party early, since they couldn’t drink as much as the adults. Kaoru wished she had left with them, but the need to be close to Kenshin had kept her. And he was constantly turning to her and filling her glass, making sure she was attended to. It was as if he was silently asking her to stay.
‘Demo… I didn’t belong there at all. I’m not experienced like everyone else… and they all think of me as a child. I felt so stupid sitting there… there was no way I could jump into the conversations they were having, as indecent as they were… even Kenshin, he seemed to be able to put in a word or two… where I shouldn’t have stayed.’
Turning onto her stomach, she clenched her eyes closed, trying to blot him from her mind. She was trying so hard, tears had come out. But no matter what she did, she could only feel his warmth and hear his voice. ‘Iya, this is not good…’
Kenshin wearily stood at the door, peering inside. ‘She looks pretty sickly. Should I run and get a doctor or Megumi-san? Should I do something??’
Aoshi suddenly appeared behind him. “Daijoubu, Battousai. She just needs to sleep it off. Just let her be for the meanwhile. Besides, you wouldn’t want to wake up Misao.”
They paused to hear her cry out, “OH AOSHI-SAMAAA~!”
Aoshi sternly stared at Kenshin, who laughed. “Maa maa wakkata de gozaru yo! Jaa, Sessha-tachi should go to our room and go to sleep de gozaru.” he uttered, moving away from the door.
He turned his head to see Sanosuke going into the room next to Yahiko’s. Megumi was fine staying with Yahiko, as it was natural to put women and children together. Being roommates with Aoshi wasn’t too bad, although he didn’t talk much. Not complaining, Kenshin walked into his room, lighting the lantern, as Aoshi went to set up a futon.
“Let Sessha help.” he said, going over and taking an end, “Jaa… Aoshi, today was a lot of fun de gozaru.”
”Aa sou data na… keredemo, your friends are too rowdy. That’s why I don’t advise drinking. Even Misao, she shouldn’t have drunk anything. And your woman, you shouldn’t have put her in such a situation.”
Kenshin blushed a little. “Kaoru-dono… she’s not ‘Sessha’s woman’ de gozaru…” Aoshi just stopped and stared at him. After a moment, he shook his head and sighed. “Hah??”
”Battousai, you’re sharp in battle, however everything else…”
”ORO!!?” Kenshin gasped, figuring out that he was being insulted. But the futons were set and Aoshi was already putting out the lights. Kenshin realized that he hadn’t changed yet and went before the screen. When he was finished, he moved into the sheet and got comfortable. After silence became unbearable, Kenshin turned his head slightly. “Ano, Aoshi…”
”Nan de?”
”Do you consider… Misao-dono as … as ‘your woman’ de gozaru??”
There was another long pause, as that was how Aoshi operated. Finally came his answer. “Aa.“
Kenshin turned away, eyes a little widened. After much hesitation, he decided to leave the conversation at that. “Oyasumi de gozaru!” But not a word came back. “Aoshi??” The ninja was already asleep. ‘Oro, such a calm guy…’
* * *
The next day, Kaoru took Misao with her to the Akebeko. Preparations were started a bit early today and Tae was waiting for them with some sponge cake. “Help yourselves!”
”Itadakimasu!” the girls chimed, sitting by the open window on the top floor. It was a bit sunny and there was some rushing in the streets. Seemed there was going to be some fireworks display going on that night, as it was the last festival of the summer, which was coming to an end.
“I hear the best view will be from the river, but a lot of people are just going to stay in town and watch from the rooftops.” Tae explained, making sure they had tea, “Of course you’re all welcomed to come and stay on my roof!”
”Iya, arigatou for the offer, but I think we’ll be going to the river.” Misao explained, “I want to buy some sparklers to play with. I know Aoshi will love my idea!!”
’Love…’ Kaoru’s eyes widened. ‘That word…’ She turned to look out the window sadly, ‘Perhaps I’ll never…’
“Kaoru-chan??” Tae asked, “You haven’t touched your cake. Is it not good? Are you… not feeling well??”
”Heki heki!” Misao chimed, patting her friend on the back, “She’s just love-sick!”
”EH?!” Kaoru gasped, turning bright red, “I-Iyaa!! That’s not so!!” Misao and Tae just started laughing at her. “I-Is it… so obvious??”
”Of course it is!” Tae said, crossing her arms, “Anyone with eyes would know that you are in love…”
”Sou yo, Kaoru-san!” Misao chuckled, “It’s written all over your face… even you, maa maa…”
”Demo, if it’s so obvious… then… then…” she stammered, “Why hasn’t Kenshin…??” She quickly stopped herself and covered her mouth. She had given away her great big secret.
But Tae and Misao didn’t act surprised at all. “We all know how you feel about Himura!” Misao exclaimed.
”Honto?? Does Kenshin know?!” Kaoru gasped. There was a pause. Misao and Tae exchanged uneasy looks; sweat beads rolling down their faces. “Ne, minna??”
Tae replied, “He probably does have an inkling. Demo Ken-san is, well, a bit… oblivious. I mean, even when I told him that he should do something special with you, Kaoru-chan… he ends up doing something, well, the opposite… he isn’t exactly a romantic man.”
”Yaa, Himura isn’t good with women.” Misao noted, “For the longest time, I thought he liked men. Then I decided he just has to be stupid or something.”
”Demo!!” Kaoru exclaimed, a little upset that they were insulting the man she loved, “Kenshin is really a shy and sensitive man… I’m sure that if I open up to him, he’ll do the same… ne? Isn’t that a good idea??”
”Kaoru-san, even if you try to tell him your feelings, Himura will think you’re ill or that you hit your head.” Misao said, “He might think it’s a joke and laugh at you.”
”So even if I tell him…??” she sighed, herself shaking with nervousness. “What should I do then?”
“You should leave it up to him.” Tae instructed, “In normal situations, it is the man’s job to make the first move. Ken-han has to be the one to start things up. Besides, it saves you the trouble of not making a fool of yourself. Sou, Kaoru-chan, there really isn’t anything for you to do but wait.”
”Demo, what if I’m waiting for the rest of my life??” she uttered, gripping at her kimono, tears filling her eyes, “I don’t think I can stand it… I want to be with Kenshin now!”
Misao patted her friend on the back, “It’s too bad your baka rurouni isn’t a thing like my sweet Aoshi-sama. You’re at such a loss.”
The other two just stared at her. “What are you bragging about?” Tae exclaimed, “Aoshi-han hasn’t confessed to you either!!”
Misao stuck out her tongue, “Sure he has… just not to my face! I overheard him and Jiya talking about marriage arrangements. Just wait till I’m a legal adult… Fufufufu!”
‘Marriage, love…’ Kaoru thought, sadly gazing at her friend, ‘Even Misao-chan has a chance… demo, watashi…’
* * *
The day went by a little too fast. Kaoru was clearing the table from dinner when the others wanted to go to the festival. Yahiko sighed, looking over at the energetic Misao. “Do we gotta take the weasel girl along?? She’s embarrassing to be with in public…”
She threw a ninja knife at him, pinning him to the wall. “NANI!?! DON’T CALL ME THAT!!” she hissed in his face. She then turned around to her favorite ninja, “Saa, Aoshi-sama… let’s ditch this loser and go by ourselves.”
”Aa, let’s wait for Battousai and the others…”
Kenshin had his arms full of dishes. “Sessha will be able to come after helping Kaoru-dono. Matte de gozaru.” He cheerfully followed the girl out the room and towards the kitchen. “Ano, Kaoru-dono…”
”Nani?” she asked, rolling up her sleeves and accepting the pile from him. He looked slightly serious, but she tried to continue washing. “Hmm?? What’s up?”
”It’s just you’ve been quiet all evening…” he uttered, watching her from behind, “Did something happen? Are you feeling unwell??”
”Iie.” she replied right away, hair falling into her eyes, “I’m fine!”
“Sou??” he asked, still filled with concern, “Sessha really sensed something isn’t right… since last night. Kaoru-dono, are you sure there isn’t anything wrong de gozaru.””
She didn’t answer, her face concentrating into the bucket of water. Everything was wrong. But how could she say that to him, after all that he had done and gone through. ‘I’ll be fine, I’ll handle this… I don’t need to burden him with my demands…’ She suddenly felt him take hold of her shoulders and turn her around. “EH?”
Kenshin examined her over. “You look a bit pale… sore kara, Sessha didn’t see you eat much during dinner… is it your stomach again? Maybe Megumi-dono should come over have a look at you de gozaru?”
”Iyaa, bezuni!” she cried, now becoming dizzy, as he was so physically close to her. “Besides, Megumi-san said she’s going to the festival… it would be rude to ask for her services on her free time. I’m fine, Kenshin, so please stop worrying.”
”Sou de gozaru yo.” he uttered, finally releasing her. He then cheerfully smiled. “Jaa… Sessha will help with the dishes so we can all go together de gozaru.”
“Hai.” she said, trying to calm down, but her heart was pounding so hard in her chest. “The others are waiting, so we better hurry up.”
They went back to the dishes, talking about something silly like whose turn it was to do the laundry starting tomorrow and what vegetables were in season for groceries. Kaoru watched him joke about how radishes he could carry in his gi, feeling how fortunate to be able to hear his laugh. Being able to hear his voice and exchange stories and opinions together, she felt happy, yet still longing for more of him. Without knowing, she started to lean against him, her shoulder in his chest, his voice in her ear.
“Oro!” Kenshin gasped, lifting up his arms to support her, “Kaoru-dono! Daijoubu?? Are you feeling faint de gozaru?! You’re burning up too! …Kaoru-dono! Kaoru-dono, answer me!!”
She just realized what she was doing and stared at him, feeling so embarrassed. ”G-Gomen nasai.” she uttered. He firmly held her up, his soapy hands wetting her kimono. Their faces were inches apart and all she could do was stare into his violet eyes, “Kenshin…”
“Nan de gozaru ka, Kaoru-dono?? What do you need? What can Sessha do for you??” he pleaded, wanting to confirm that she wasn’t going to pass out. He didn’t feel good how she kept spacing out and giving him this vulnerable look. It was almost as if she was in a lot of pain or struggling somehow. “Kaoru-dono, tell me.”
She shook her head, before breaking away from his eyes and his body. Turning away, she found herself shaking. ‘I can’t…! I can’t be so close to him and not want to… to be even closer!’
“Kaoru-dono,” he said, touching her shoulder, but she pushed him away and broke into a run outside. “Oro!” he gasped, about to go after her. But his feet became like stone. ‘Doushite? Why all of a sudden?’ Sighing, he decided to finish up the dishes for the others were waiting.
* * *
After all the plates were dried and put away, Kenshin walked into the sitting room. “Jaa, Sessha is sorry to keep you all, demo, let’s go to the festival de gozaru.”
”Finally!” Yahiko chimed, getting up on his feet and going past him out the door, “Let’s hurry up and reserve a spot before it gets too crowded!”
Misao nodded and was going to follow but realized her friend was still sitting on the floor. “Nee, Kaoru-san, let’s go!! I can’t wait to see the fireworks!”
Kenshin saw that forlorn look pass through her face. “Gomen, minna.” she uttered, “I don’t feel all too well, so I'll stay home. You all should go and have a good time. Don’t worry about me. I think I’ll just lie down.”
“DEMO!!” Misao pouted. Aoshi went over started to pull her out the door, “I’ll get you something from the venders, nee Kaoru-san!! Saa, Himura, ikimasho!!”
Kenshin shook his head. “Sessha will stay behind with Kaoru-dono. She might need some help de gozaru. It’s not fair to leave her behind on her own when she isn’t feeling well de gozaru.”
Both Yahiko and Misao started to protest because they were stuck with each other. Yahiko wanted Kenshin to come, while Misao wanted Kaoru to come. Aoshi just started dragging them out the gate and down the road, until they disappeared from sight.
Kenshin smiled down at the wide-eyed girl, still sitting on the floor. “Kaoru-dono, it’s just us tonight de gozaru.”
"H-Hai,” She slowly smiled back. 'Just us.'