Kaoru suddenly woke up in the middle of the night with the strange urge to cry. Sitting up, she let her tears run freely down her face, sobs surfacing as well. ‘Doushite… why did I… baka na… that was so stupid…’ Hiccupping, she lowered her head and clenched at the sheets, nothing stopping her aching heart.

“Kaoru … san…?” Misao sleepily murmured, “Are you… awake…?” The girl was barely awake herself, her eyes mostly closed and voice zombie-like. It must’ve been 2 or 3 in the morning. Unable to lift herself out of bed, she tried to talk from where she was, “Is… something… wrong…?”

“Iya, nothing’s wrong.” she replied, wiping her face with her hand, “Just go back to sleep, Misao-chan.”

”Hai…” Misao said, her voice drifting off. And soon she was out like a lamp.

Kaoru pulled herself up and walked to the doors. ‘I’ve just got to get over what I’ve done. Otherwise I won’t be able to sleep at all… or face Kenshin again.’ She went outside and took some deep breaths. ‘Kenshin…’ It was then she felt a shadow over her. Lifting her head, she gasped in surprise. “Aa!”

Kenshin stood a couple feet away, dressed in hakama and gi. He was staring into her face, seeing that she had been crying. Concerned and also sorry, for knowing the cause, he put his hand on her shoulder. “Kaoru-dono… you can’t sleep either?”

”Iya, I can’t.” she said, looking away so she didn’t have to look into his remorseful eyes. “I… I feel terrible. We were having such a good time and I had to ruin it all. Honto ni gomen nasai.”

He shook his head. “Don’t think that way. It’s not really your fault, Kaoru-dono. And you should get some rest. It’s late de gozaru.”

”Jaa, Kenshin, where are you going?” she asked, finally looking back at him. She suddenly got on her feet and clasped his hand, which had been on her shoulder, “Masaka! You’re so upset that you’re… you’re leaving!? Are you going back to being a rurouni?!”

He chuckled a little at her reaction. “Chigao de gozaru yo. Sessha couldn’t sleep so decided to go for a walk. Even if it’s late, Sessha doesn’t feel tired and needs to sort out some thoughts anyways. Sessha will be back, daijoubu da yo.”

”C-Can I come with you?”

He again shook his head. “Suman. This is something Sessha has to do on his own. Kaoru-dono, you look tired. Please get some rest. We’ll talk early in the morning, ii de gozaru ka?”

She slowly nodded. “Wakkata, hearing that you aren’t too upset with me makes me feel a little better. I guess I will go back to bed. Kenshin, please be careful.” He smiled and nodded his head, then turned to leave. “Kenshin, oyasumi!”

“Aa, sweet dreams, Kaoru-dono…”

* * *
Kenshin wandered all over Tokyo, pounding his head with his troublesome thoughts. This dilemma was as big as the ShishiO and the Enishi events, and even bigger because of it’s prolonging. This was a problem he should’ve solved months ago. But then, he was sure it would just go away on its own.

‘Boy was I wrong.’ he sighed to himself, ‘What should I do? I don’t know how I should fight this. Should I fight this? It depends… kami-sama, I don’t know what to do!’ He suddenly realized where he was. He had crossed the bridge into the housing district, AKA Ruffian Row. ‘Maybe Sano will know!’

After finding his apartment, Kenshin continually knocked on his door. “Eto, Sano…!’ But there was no answer. Finally he just opened the door and walked inside the dark room. “Sano! Wake up …” he said, going to pull away his blanket.

“UWAAAAAH?!!? DARE?!” Sanosuke snapped, sitting up and grabbing his neck, “K-Kenshin?!”

”Ororororororo!” he cried, being strangled.

“Oops, gomen!”

After assisting his friend and lighting the lamp, Sanosuke dished out some sake. “Nan de, Kenshin? What brings you here at this hour??” he asked, shirtless and headbandless. His hair was flying everywhere and he found a stray fishbone to chew on. “Saa, spit it out!”

“Dakara…” Kenshin uttered, not touching his sake, “Kaoru-dono… she… she kissed Sessha.”

”EH?!” Sanosuke almost choked. “Jou-chan…!?”

“Aa, Sessha was shocked also. Should have seen it coming though. We were acting a bit, well, informal all evening. We even hugged, and Sessha did touch her a couple times… she started to talk about marriage and feelings… oro, Sessha has a big headache.”

”Jou-chan seems to finally want to move things along, huh?” Sanosuke uttered, “Maa, it’s only natural she’d desire more in your relationship. I mean, you two been living together for already 6 months… and still you’re like her houseboy. Is that what you really want??”

Kenshin frowned. “Sessha thinks everything is fine the way it is. There’s nothing wrong with living together and just being acquaintances. And there’s nothing wrong with doing chores and cooking. Sano, you don’t have a woman and you’re satisfied with your state too, sou de gozaru ka??”

”Baka yarou, you think I enjoy being a freeloader?? Borrowing from my friends and never being able to repay them?? Cheh, I’m getting’ older. I just want to go someplace where I can call home and don’t have to worry about my landlord throwin’ me out. ‘Home’ would be a place where some Nee-chan be waiting for me… to take care of me, and I’d do the same… somehow.”

“Aa…”

“Kenshin, you’re a freeloader too, a rurouni who has the choice to take off anytime you want. Put yourself in Jou-chan’s shoes… wouldn’t you feel a bit cheated? I mean, from the beginning, she’s been trying to make you realize how important you are to her. It’s a slap in the face if you were to just turn heel and run from her.”

”Demo! Kaoru-dono… she’s still young. She has yet to meet someone else. This phase… it will end. She’ll realize she has to move on, that this can never work.”

Sanosuke dropped his head for a moment. “Teme!” he snapped, “You’re the one not letting it work! You’re so fucking scared of change that you want Jou-chan to be miserable?! Just because you’re stained with blood and have to suffer, doesn’t mean she has to as well! I mean, it ain’t that easy to throw away feelings! You know how she feels, you just won’t accept it!”

“Kaoru-dono loves…” Kenshin stared to the floor, shaking his head, “Iya, Sessha just cannot become romantically involved with her! It will disrupt everything!” Sanosuke looked scary for a moment. But then, he relaxed and patted his friend on the back, cheerfully. “Oro?”

”Hora, Kenshin! Everyone considers Jou-chan and you already a couple, just go along with it. All your enemies recognize her as ‘your woman’, that’s why they keep kidnapping her or using her as a hostage. You didn’t tell them that, but they will always assume. Might as well go with it and get yerself laid.”

”Sano…” Kenshin sighed, then getting up for the door, “Sessha has to think about it some more. Arigatou for talking it about it. Oyasumi de gozaru!”

”Eh?” Sanosuke was now wide awake. “Chikuso!! Kenshin, why the hell did you wake me up?!?!”

* * *
Another hour passed. Kenshin was beginning to feel sleepy. ‘Chikuso… and I’m too far from the dojo. I might fall asleep any moment. Perhaps I should just go lie against that tree over there…’ he paused to take a look around his surroundings. ‘Hm? Seems I’m near the clinic. Yoshi, Genzai-sensei will have a spare room!’

Walking to the clinic, he was a bit surprised to see that it was open and operating. Apparently, Megumi and Genzai were working on a patient all night. Daigoro was rushed there after the run in with that woman’s husband. He was stabilized and now resting. The two doctors were on their way to the house when they saw Kenshin at the gate.

“Ken-san, why are you here at this hour? Is something wrong??” Megumi asked, walking over to him, “You look pale. Come inside, I was going to have some tea before going to sleep.”

“Aa, arigatou de gozaru.” he said, as she took his arm and led him inside the house. Sitting down, he smiled towards her, “Megumi-dono, could Sessha… talk to you about something?”

Genzai yawned a little. “Don’t mind me. I think I will skip the tea and go straight to sleep. Kenshin-kun, there’s a spare room next to mine. You can come and stay there if you wish.”

“Hai de gozaru!” he called after the old man, who disappeared down the hall. He then frowned to the floor. “Sessha wasn’t able to sleep… so decided to go for a long walk. Shikashi, Sessha can’t go too sleep yet, too many troublesome thoughts de gozaru.”

“Hm??” Megumi said, “Then I’ll make you this special tea, that’ll put you to sleep in no time.” She turned back to the cabinet and got some cups ready, “Nee, Ken-san, does this have something to do with you and Kaoru-chan staying behind together in the house… alone??”

Kenshin blinked. “H-Hai! How did Megumi-dono know…?!”

She quickly snagged his arm. “You two didn’t… you know, ‘do it’. Did you?!??!” He blushed and shook his head fretfully. “OHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! Looks like I win the bet!!!”

“Oro!?”

Patting his cheek she grinned a little. “I knew you wouldn’t. It just wouldn’t be right, nee? It would ruin your relationship entirely and everything will be awkward. There would be no way of turning back. Knowing that girl, she’s not emotionally mature enough to handle it; it’s a big responsibility you know. And it’s not like you’re serious either.”

”Oro…” Kenshin frowned; she had hit the problem right on the dot. ‘Am I serious about Kaoru? Well, I did stay with her so long… and she’s been so loyal, how can I not? I’m the one with all the experience. It should be me leading the relationship not her. But I’m so…’

“Kore.” Megumi said handing him the cup of tea. She caught that thoughtful look in his face. “Unless… Ken-san, are you serious about her??”

”Don’t know.” he sighed, “We’ve been through a lot together. And yet, even though we’re still so distant and casual… It’s so comfortable right now.”

Megumi crossed her arms, a little reluctant to replying. “You know… after the Kyoto thing, I told Kaoru-chan to wait for you. Eheheh, I guess it was my job as a friend, but it was the best type of comfort I could offer the girl. I really think that’s what she plans to do for the rest of her life.”

Kenshin sadly nodded. “It should be easy. Sessha decided long ago never to cross the line – to not have close relationships with anyone. Demo, Sessha can’t get her out of mind. She’s everywhere… Sessha can still taste her kiss and smell her scent… and feel her close… and see her smile…”

Megumi giggled. “Ken-san, you sound like you have already made your decision, but too stubborn to admit it, or to scared to go with it. Demo, it won’t matter… the medicine in that tea should be working just about now.”

He lifted his head in surprise. ”O…ro…?” With that he fell over onto his face, sleeping. Megumi simply laughed and then took hold of his wrist, dragging him away.

* * *
”OIII!!” Yahiko stormed into the girls’ room to wake them up, “Someone make breakfast, I’m hella hungry!! And Kenshin ain’t nowhere to be seen, so one of you bitches do it… Jotto, Misao ya better do it! Don’t let Kaoru into the kitchen!!!” He then ran off before they could pummel him with headrests.

“KORA!!” Misao snapped, rubbing her eyes, “That brat is going to get it!! As soon as I wake up and get breakfast on the table, I’ll give him good beating! Eheheh, nothing like kicking ass in the morning, naa Kaoru-san??”

Kaoru was a little distraught. ‘Kenshin isn’t here… so did he stay out all night? Did something happen?? Is he all right??!’

Misao waved her hand in her face. “Nee! What’s the matter? You look like you have an upset stomach. Probably just hungry like everyone else. I’ll get the food started. Why don’t you go splash some water in your face.”

”H-Hai!” Kaoru said, as they proceeded to change. ‘Kenshin, where could you be? I thought we were going to talk… I wanted to decide once and for all our relationship. But are you still upset over what I did? Am I rushing you too much??’ She then smacked herself in the forehead. ‘What am I saying?! We’ve lived together for 6 months! This is the most slow-paced relationship in history!’

Walking outside in a blue kimono, she saw Aoshi meditating. He didn’t notice her until she had come up to him and waved one of Misao’s socks in his face. “Ano, Aoshi-san… do you happen to know where Kenshin is?”

”Iya, I don’t.” he replied, snagging the sock from her, then gazing at it affectionately, “Weren’t you the last one to talk to him before he went?” She nodded her head slowly. He suddenly felt her forehead. “You look pale. Perhaps you should see a doctor? You might be getting a cold.”

”Honto?” she said, “Genzai-sensei shouldn’t have patients this early in the morning. I’ll go after breakfast.” She paused to hear screaming and the sounds of battling by the kitchen. Misao and Yahiko were having a mornin’ brawl. “Eto, maybe I’ll just go there now…” With that she turned and went for the gate, “If you hear anything about Kenshin, please let me know right away!”

”Aa.” Aoshi replied, and then turned towards the kitchen, “Misao…” he sighed, dropping his head.

* * *
Kaoru reached the clinic feeling a little tired. She rested in the shade for a moment to catch her breath. ‘Maybe it’s because I didn’t sleep much or didn’t eat anything this morning… or because all this stress from Kenshin and my relationship. I hope we get to figure this out soon… I don’t know how much more I can take.’

Finally getting up and going to towards the clinic, the girls ran out to greet her. “Kaoru-oneechan!!! Ohayou!!”

”Ayame-chan, Suzume-chan, ohayou gozaimasu. Is your grandpa busy? I was hoping to have him take a look at me.”

”Hm? Is Kaoru-oneechan not feeling well??” Ayame asked. Kaoru shook her head. “Nee nee, maybe Ken-ni will make you feel better. Megumi-chan said he’s here.”

”Eh? He is!” Kaoru cried, a smile appearing on her face, “Jaa, where is he??” The girls took her by the hands and led her towards the house. “Arigatou.” she said to the girls, stopping in front of a room, “Nee, could you give us a moment?” They cheerfully nodded and ran off. She then lifted her hand to open the door.

‘Oh, but what will I say. I’ve already told him I’m sorry… but I don’t really regret what I did. I wanted to. And if I had the chance again, I would do it again. Kenshin, why can’t you understand how much I…!’ She quickly slid the door open and peered inside, calling out in a little voice. “Ken…shin…??”

Kenshin was lying down on the futon, his bare chest visible and limbs sprawled about. At his side, Megumi was hugging his arm, happily grinning and snoring. Kaoru’s mouth fell right open. “KYAAAA!! NANI KORE?!?!”

At the sound of her somewhat scary and definitely loud voice, both of them awoke and sat up. “ORORORO!!” Kenshin screamed, pulling the blanket to him while he stood. “W-what’s going on de gozaru?!? Kaoru-dono! It’s not what you think!!” he pleaded with her, trying to make her stay and hear his story, which he didn’t know either.

Kaoru was already tearfully turning for the door, when Megumi just yanked her over by the ponytail. “Jotto! Just let me explain what was going on first…”

“ONEGAI!” both Kenshin and Kaoru exclaimed.

* * *
As Kenshin dressed behind a screen, Megumi explained herself over a cup of tea. “Datte, Ken-san couldn’t sleep, so I gave him this medicine… soushite, he just fell asleep anywhere so I put him to bed. Tonikaku, I noticed there was something strange in his sleeping pattern, so Genzai-sensei and I examined him all night. Thanks to the medicine, he couldn’t wake up and we weren’t able to ask permission. Demo, we thought it was very important to check him.”

”D-Doushite?” Kaoru asked, “What’s wrong with him??”

”Genzai-sensei is looking over the results in his office. You can even ask him to confirm that there wasn’t any foul play involved.” Megumi replied. Kaoru clutched her chest and let out a sigh of relief, but then heard her friend chuckle, “However, I got a chance to look… at… his… ohohohohoho!!”

Kenshin peered out from behind the screen with a sweaty embarrassed face. “SOU NA!!”

Kaoru was blushing too. “M-Megumi-san! Was that necessary!? I mean, you’re a doctor – can’t you act a bit more professional??”

”Ara, Kaoru-chan wanted a peek too, hmmm???”

”C-C-Chigao yo!! … Well, maybe…”

Kenshin came storming out, sloppily dressed. “Oro!! Don’t make Kaoru-dono talk about such indecent things!! Soushite, Megumi-dono, next time – stay away from Sessha’s equipment de gozaruu!!”

Megumi waved her hand at him, “Hai hai… maa, I guess I’ll go see Genzai-sensei and what the results are. I’ll be right back.” She proceeded to go out the door, but turned back to grin slyly, “Kaoru-chan, stay away from the equipment ne??” Laughing she walked off.

“Mou, kono hito…” Kaoru grumbled. She then turned to Kenshin, who had sat down next to her. Smiling slightly, she brushed a hand against his arm, “When you didn’t come home, I felt worried. And then when I saw you with Megumi-san, I thought… that…” Her face burned with redness. “Let’s forget about it.”

Kenshin shook his head, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Iya, Sessha shouldn’t have worried you so much. You don’t deserve it. And what happened with Megumi-dono, Sessha even imagined the worse. Daga, Sessha would never do such a thing! Sessha… Sessha…” He gazed into her eyes, the blue that captivated him and made him lose his senses at times. Slowly, he pulled her into a hug, tightening his arms around her. “Gomen, Kaoru-dono… gomen.”

”Kenshin…” she uttered, unable to move in his hold. It was so warm; she was sweating. Barely breathing, she lifted her hands into his hair, “Kenshin… watashi…”

“Erhem!!” The doctors were in the doorway, clearing their throats. Kenshin quickly released the girl and scooted far away, blushing more than anyone else. Genzai then walked over to Kenshin, his face solemn. “Kenshin-kun, I think you might not like what we’re going to tell you. It’s going to be difficult.”

“It’ll be fine as long as Kaoru-dono is close.” he replied, taking Kaoru’s hand.

“Actually, I was hoping Kaoru-chan could gather up the others.” Megumi said, “We’ll discuss it with everyone. And since Ken-san hasn’t had breakfast, he can come with me.” She turned to her friend, who looked like she didn’t want to let go of his hand. “Heki heki, the sooner you come back the sooner we can all talk about this.”

“E-eh.” she said to the floor, her fingers becoming loose and soon at her side, clutching at her kimono. Still troubled, she turned around and rushed out he door.

Kenshin silently gazed after her. ‘Kaoru is more worried than I am…’ Her feelings were so obvious; he wondered why he didn’t see it before. And yet, even if he knew, did it make much a difference. ‘What happens now to us… depends on me.’

* * *
Kaoru ran all the way back to the dojo. For a while, she couldn’t speak, but clutch her knees and search for breath. Misao hurried over with a glass of water while the others gathered around. Fortunately for her, Sanosuke had showed up to get some free breakfast, and she didn’t have to stop by the housing district. Finally, after gulping down all the water, she was able to tell them what was going.

“Nani? Something’s wrong with Kenshin!?” Yahiko gasped, getting up and shaking the rice off his gi, “Saa, ore-tachi ikuze!! Hayaku!!”

Before he could run away, Misao grabbed him the back of his shirt. “Jotto matte, Brat! Let Kaoru-san at least have some breakfast. You guys were such pigs before that there’s barely anything left. Gomen, Kaoru-san.”

Kaoru smiled slightly and took a seat, picking up her dishes, “Daijoubu. I don’t want to take too long. I too really want to know what’s going on.”

”Is it serious?” Sanosuke asked, hands in his pocket, “Cheh, or is Megumi playing another prank on us? That fox is so sneaky sometimes…”

“I don’t know.” she replied, shoveling in some rice and drinking some miso soup, “Genzai-sensei is involved so I think it’s a genuine matter. I just hope it isn’t something terrible.” She despondently gazed into her tea. ‘Kenshin…’

“Daijoubu.” Aoshi suddenly spoke, “Battousai should be fine. Don’t worry.”

At his side, Misao nodded enthusiastically. “Honto da yo! Aoshi-sama is absolutely right! There’s no reason to worry at all, Kaoru-san! Himura will be okay for sure! Ya just gotta stay optimistic!”

Yahiko crossed his arms and glared at the pigtailed girl. “And some weasels gotta stay quiet! Yer too loud and annoying so early in the morning!”

”NANI!?!?” Misao exclaimed, clobbering him, “KORA, CHILD!!!!”

“CHILD?!? IREZE!!”

Aoshi went to go hold Misao still, while Sanosuke laughed his head off. “Oi, Jou-chan, better hurry up and finish before those kill each other! Eheheh, and I wanna go claim my winnings from that fox. After all, I did win the bet!”

“Hah??”

* * *
When they got back to the clinic, Genzai was checking up on Daigoro, who had just woke up. Apparently, he suffered to injury to the head and now believed he was from the moon. A little worried about his status, he began to tie the poor boy down before he did harm to himself. Megumi and Kenshin were waiting for everyone in her examination room. After getting settled in, Megumi finally got down to business.

“It’s about Ken-san’s condition.” she said, “Up until now, his body has suffered many wounds, more than his body can handle. And now, his body is beginning to slowly deteriorate.”

”S-Sou na…” Kaoru gasped, standing before the rurouni. Even though he wasn’t looking at her, he knew what her face looked like. The long pause even emphasized it. “Kenshin… he is…”

Sanosuke quickly cut in and slapped her on the back, “Iyada! There’s no way!! Kenshin ain’t dying! Relax, Jou-chan! The Fox is talking crazy!”

”Sou yo!” Yahiko laughed, “Don’t make it sound like bad news! All it means is Kenshin should retire! After all, Megumi’s jus joking with us!!”

“It’s no joke.” the doctor replied, the two guys settling down, “I noticed it back in Kyoto. And I’m sure Ken-san was aware of it, because he didn’t look at all surprised just now.”

Everyone now turned to Kenshin who was sitting on a stool. Misao pointed at him and asked, “Jaa, honto desu ka, Himaru!?”

”Aa,” he said, staring at his feet, “Sessha knew. Afterall it is Sessha’s body. This all happened as a result of Sessha’s actions. There is no way to undo it and Sessha will accept anything that happens as a result de gozaru.”

Megumi put her hand on his shoulder sympathetically. ”All I can say, Ken-san, is to take good care of yourself. Perhaps no more dangerous battles, but I know that won’t be possible for someone like you. And I’m not saying that this condition will act rapidly. It may take years…”

Aoshi cut in, ”Years of suffering.” This remark filled the room with an icy chill. But he then said, “Daga, it doesn’t have to be that way, Battousai. This is a battle you don’t have to fight, but you don’t have to lose.”

Kenshin got up, his face stern. “Shikashi, there is something Sessha has to do first…”