The evening sky above, three men pushed and pulled a giant cart of food down the deserted streets of Tokyo.
"Yoshi! With this bait, we can capture the Tanuki and end his evil ways!!" Yahiko chimed, "And then we'll be famous heroes~!"
Sanosuke nodded in agreement, "Oh! And then a clean tab at the Akabeko. We can eat all we want. Not to mention the giant reward. Yosha, let's catch and kill it!!"
Katsu grinned. "Aa, but I'd like to make a coat outta the fur..."
"I got dibs on the head!!" Sanosuke chimed, "I wonder how this Tanuki-kaishuu will taste like..."
"OI! BAKA YAROU!!" Yahiko snapped, "You ain’t gonna it!! It’s full of evil, therefore you’ll turn evil! Then we’ll have to kill you too!”
Katsu pointed to his friend. “He has a point. I got dibs on your head… daga, I hardly doubt you’ll taste good…”
“SHUT THE HELL UP!!” Sanosuke exclaimed, socking them both in head. “LET’S KILL THE TANUKI FIRST, OK?!” They agreed and put a little more ‘hi’ into their ‘ho’, as they moved the cart towards the industry district.
* * *
Kenshin searched Kaoru’s room, trying to find any clue as to where she had gone. It wasn’t until he ‘accidentally’ threw her dresser aside; he saw a pile of unwashed clothes.
“Aaa… Kaoru, you smell so good!” he sighed, breathing her sweet natural perfume.
He noticed some threads on the fabric that wasn’t from the kimono. ‘ORO! She HAS been rolling about with another guy!!’ Tears filled his eyes as he found that on all the clothes, always the same color of threads.
He then picked up an additional scent. ‘(Snff snff) Smoke de gozaru? Aa! The industry district! Yoshi!!’
With that he got up and ready to go, but then stopped to take a final whiff of Kaoru before rushing out of the room. ‘Kaoru, please say it isn’t so!!’
* * *
It was really late by the time Kenshin arrived in the industry district. Staring in the shadows, he wandered about, wondering which building Kaoru was doing her business in. Heartbroken, his mind filled with images of her with another man.
‘ORORORORORO!! Why can’t be me?!?!’
He stopped in an ally to watch some women pass. They were yawning and stretching. “Maa maa, what an evening! Can’t wait to get home to my husband and put my feet up.” said one lady to her friend, “Doushi da no?”
“Hmm… something is bothering me. Did you see the Kaichou with the new girl?? They were practically spending the whole time in his office! And she seems so inexperienced… what does he see in her??”
”Hmp, you’re just jealous. We all know he has a thing for her. Just leave them alone.” she scolded, her friend moping a bit. “But I don’t blame you – man, is he CUTE! Saa, let’s go home…”
Kenshin fell to his knees. ‘USOU! They’re talking about MY Kaoru?! And this guy… is cuter than Sessha??!’
He moped in the alley for over an hour. When he heard a door open and slam, he quickly shut his whiny thoughts up and peered out. ‘Masaka… it’s them!!’
Kaoru stood off to the side as a tall man in a suit was locking the door. He then smiled and took her hand, “Saa, shall we be going now, Darling?”
Kenshin blinked. ‘Da-ru-li-n??’ He had never heard that word before, and from the looks of it, this guy wasn’t Japanese. Maybe it was the curly blond hair or the strange accent he had. He especially didn’t like how Kaoru gazed up at him with that cute smile of hers. ‘Oro! That’s MY smile!!!’
“Nee, Smith-san…” Kaoru stammered, as they walked down the dim-lit street, “I-I just want to say… [thank you]…” She paused to look him in the eye. “Did I say it right??”
“Aa, very well said, Darling. You’re such a fast learner. I wonder what other things I can teach you.” Smith said, grinning at her. He released her hand and moved his arm round her shoulders. Kaoru didn’t get angry or violently react, much to Kenshin’s dismay.
“Smith-san…” Kaoru uttered as he turned around to face her. She stumbled backwards, her back up against the wall of the building. “A-ano… nan desu ka?”
”Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are??”
Kenshin’s eyes glinted. ‘He’s hitting on her!!’ And Kaoru was blushing. ‘Arg?! She’s taking the bait!! And does she honestly believe this guy?! C’mon, Kaoru, I’ve told you millions of time you were beautiful… okay, so not out loud, but still it counts!!’
Kaoru gazed up at Smith, still dumbstruck by his declaration, “Iie, no one has ever said that to me…’
“That’s too bad. I guess I’m the first to make this discovery.” Smith said, now digging into his pocket. “Hmm, I have a gift you.” He held a foiled wrapped item. Removing the wrapper he held the chocolate bar to Kaoru’s lips, “For you, Darling.”
Kaoru’s mouth watered. “Aa… aa… I have to…” She quickly took a big bite, munching down the delicious treat. “Mmmm…” But as she was soaking in its flavor, Smith leaned in and kissed her.
‘ORO!!!’ Kenshin grabbed his chest, his heart ready to leap out. His other hand reached for his sword. But it was already too late. Smith had moved away, Kaoru, her mouth still open, a bit of drool dribbling down.
“Mmm, you taste totemo oishii. Please, think about what I said before,” Smith said softly in her ear before turning down the street. “Sayonara, Darling!!”
Kaoru watched after him, before lifting her own hand to her lips. “Mou… that was his tongue. Adults are so gross… demo…” Her expression turned a bit sad as she gripped at her kimono, “What should I do…?”
Kenshin was ready to leap out, but then he saw how she was looking, that awkward look of longing in her face. ‘Iyaaa… this can’t be happening!! I’ve waited too long and now it’s too late… she’s in love with someone else!!’
Kaoru was now running in the direction Smith had gone. Kenshin figured she was chasing after him to confess her own feelings. He sulked down on the ground for a bit until he heard a man’s cry. “ORO!!”
With that, he ran in the same direction. He then skidding to a stop, shocked at what he saw. “Aaaaaargg!! Someone help me!!!” Smith cried, lying on the ground with scratches and bruises. There was the giant Tanuki over him, its rear in his face as it pulled his pants off with its teeth. “HELP!!!”
Kenshin didn’t know what to do, “Big as a grizzly bear de gozaru!!” He then reached for his sakabatou and struck it. There was a big cry and he stopped himself from going further. ‘I’m hurting her… Kaoru… iya! I can’t do such a thing!!’
Tanuki was staring at him with watery eyes. Then without warning took into a run down the street again. Kenshin turned from it to the man on the ground. He looked pretty beaten up. A good man would bring him to a doctor. But this guy was still a rival who was seducing his Kaoru. He wanted to go Battousai on him so badly.
But Kenshin was a good man. “Saa, Sessha will look after your wounds…” he uttered, helping him up, then resting his arm around his. “Oro?!”
He heard yells. Then Yahiko, Sanosuke, and Katsu came screaming past him and Smith, running aimlessly. “Waaaaaah!! The Tanuki-kaishuu!! KOWAII!!!!”
* * *
The next morning, Kenshin went to check on the patient who he put in one of the guest room. But when he got there, he saw Kaoru already in the room. She was kneeling his side crying, “Honto ni gomen nasai… Smith-san… please forgive me…”
Kenshin backed away. ‘This proves it! She’s definitely the Tanuki!! And that’s her lover!! Oh, woe is me!! I’m so pathetic!!!’
“Ara?! K-Kenshin?!” Kaoru gasped, her face turning red when she noticed him. She quickly dried her eyes and walked over to him, taking his hands. “Arigatou, for saving Smith-san’s life. The one who did this to him… was truly evil…”
”Aa,” he uttered, their faces up close. He wondered if she would mind if he kissed her the way that Smith had. He wanted to, but knew it wasn’t the time or place. He was nowhere in her thoughts at the moment, “Kaoru-dono… Sessha needs to talk with you outside.”
”Hah?” she said as he led her out of the room, so the sleeping Smith wouldn’t distract her. Walking into the courtyard, she gazed at Kenshin’s serious face and felt nervous. ‘Why all of a sudden? Oh no… is it because…?!’
Suddenly the yelling started up again. Sanosuke, Yahiko, Katsu, and Tae were all there. “KENSHIIN!! YOU GOTTA HELP US CATCH THAT TANUKI!!!”
’Damn them…’ Kenshin grumbled to himself. He leaned over to Kaoru and uttered, “Wait for me, in the woodshed.” He then pressed a kiss on her cheek, much to her and everyone’s surprise.
‘D-doushite?? Aa! Masaka…!!’ Kaoru thought, red-faced as she raced for the woodshed. She went inside and closed the door behind her. ‘Kenshin…’
Meanwhile, the samurai was facing the upset crowd. “Last night we almost got eaten!!” Yahiko cried, We barely made it out with our lives. Seems the Tanuki is very possessive when it comes to food!”
”Aa,” Sanosuke said, “This retard’s plan almost got us killed. Kenshin, you’re the only one to help us now. If this Tanuki-kaishuu continued to cause trouble around town, who knows what other victim will show up!”
Tae nodded. “And be sure to kill it good! I’ll have ‘roasted tanuki night’ at the Akebeko for free!” The boys licked their chops at that.
Katsu nodded. “Onegai, Battousai. You must slay that evil being once and for all!”
Kenshin clenched his fists. “Wakarimashita. Sessha will capture and kill the Tanuki tonight de gozaru yo. Now go home and rest assure Sessha will do the work.” They were a little stunned by his response, but went on ahead anyways.
Kenshin then turned around to face the woodshed, the wind blowing into his eyes. ‘This is it…’
* * *
‘This is it…’ Kaoru thought. She was on the second floor of the woodshed, nervously clinging to her sleeves, ‘How will Kenshin do it… swift and painless? Or slow and sweet. Kyaaa! I don’t know if I can go through with this… demo, that look in his eyes… it was just like in my dreams…’
She closed her eyes, thinking back to that fantasy she had the other night. Sighing, she slid down to her knees, uttering, “Aaa… kill me, Kenshin…”
The rurouni was at the staircase and overheard this. “ORO?!” he gasped, almost falling down the steps.
”K-Kenshin!” Kaoru gasped, sitting upright. She gazed up at him when he walked over, stopping just in front of her. “I’m ready, Kenshin. Do it. Onegai.”
Kenshin was shaking. ‘She wants me to do it?? All right then…’ He reached for his sakabatou, drawing it and holding it out in front of himself. “Kaoru-dono, this is going to be painful de gozaru…”
“Uhn,” she said, her eyes closed, “Don’t hesitate at all.”
A sweat bead rolled down his face. She was asking for it. But he couldn’t, he just couldn’t kill her like this. Throwing the sword down onto the floor, he clutched at his hair and screamed. “IYAAA!! DAME DE GOZARU YO!!!
“HAH!?” Kaoru gasped as he ran out of the room, still screaming. She tearfully gazed after him, sighing, “Mou… baka…”