This page is for my one, and hopefully only, experience up close with a squirrel.
This story is best read if you read it out load like you would to a class of first grader in class during "story time." ENJOY!!!!
The squirrel in the kennel
This is a true story about a squirrel and how I used to like squirrels
I used to like squirrels. I'd watch them play and run around, and think that they were cute little animals. I always felt bad when I saw one dead on the side of the road after being hit by a car. I like squirrels.
Then came this past Saturday. I'm driving along on my way to work, got the radio playing, thinking that today is going to be a good day, I get to be the vet tech in the back, and our office party is after work. It's going to be a great day.
I see a big squirrel run out into the road. I start to slow down, and do that girly "Oh! Oh! Oh!" cry in the attempt to stop the squirrel from darting back out in to the road. Apparently the damn thing didn't listen to me.
I feel the squirrel bounce off my car, and I can see it laying on the side of the road in my rear view mirror. He was laying on his side, with his little feet running, but he couldn't get up. Now I 've got that adrenaline rush going, and I start to back up down the road. Luckily it was in Brush Prairie at 7:30 on a Saturday morning, so no one was around.
I get closer to the squirrel, and I can see that he's still not dead. Now I feel really bad, poor thing has to be suffering. So I grab a blanket from my car, scoop him up in it, and wrap him up like a little squirelly burrito and place him on my front seat with me. Poor squirrel.
I pull up to the office and park up front so I can run the squirrel in and see how bad he is hurt. I race to the back and place the blanket on the wet table and slowly unwind the fabric. Micki comes back to see what I am doing. I let her know that I had hit a squirrel.
I get to the squirrel in the middle of the blanket, and we both look closely to see if it's still alive. The squirrel suddenly come to it's senses, and flings it's self off the table on to the floor. We both scream.
Now we have a half retarded squirrel trying to run on the floor, with his ear all bent funny, and his head tilted to one side. He kind of runs in a a circle. I toss the blanket back on him, and put it in a kennel. He proceeds to fling himself in the kennel a few times, before calming down. At least he's still alive.
I feel bad now. The poor squirrel was supposed to be wounded enough that we could just put him to sleep, and I wouldn't feel too bad about it. Now the squirrel is awake, but I dont think he can be let go, if he can only run in circles. What to do?
Now more people start to get to work, including the vet, Dr. Wendy. Dr. Wendy looks (as in just looks in the kennel) at the squirrel, and we decide to let him rest the rest of the day and see how he is by the end of the day. Who know's maybe we can let him go.
We poke a stick in the kennel to pull the blanket back over the squirrel, and then use a towel to cover the front of the kennel. Now the squirrel can and hide and sleep the rest of the day away. Tired little squirrel.
The end of the day rolls around. Dr. Wendy has just left, and time to see if the little squirrel is still alive, and let him free back into nature. We look in the kennel, and sure enough, he's doing OK. I happen to have my camera with me for the office party, so I get a few shots of the squirrel for memories. He has a fat split lip, and it looks like he may have broken his front teeth. Turns out the squirrel is actually quite pissed off. He does that angry squirrel chatter at me.
Turns out that the camera I have also happens to have video ability. So, I attempt to tape Kim and Micki trying to put the squirrel in a cat carrier so we can get him out of the kennel and back into the wild. I guess the squirrel didn't trust us.
Micki and Kim held the crate in the kennel, and put the blanket up over the open part of the kennel so the squirrel wouldn't jump out. But, when you hold the blanket up, you cant see in the kennel, so Kim pulled the corner down a little. The squirrel saw the light, and decided to make a go for it.
Squirrels jump well, really well, even ones that have been hit by a car. The squirrel took a flying leap off the top of Kim's head, and on to the floor. We all started screaming, and the squirrel took off over to the corner where the x-ray machine is. I attempted to chase him towards Kim and the blanket, but he ducked under the machine. I got him to come out, but squirrels are fast, and he took off down the hall. Run squirrel, run.
I had made sure to shut all the doors in the attempt that the squirrel did escape from us. The squirrel was cornered. There were two brooms leaning up against the door jam. I guess brooms look like trees. The squirrel climbed up the brooms, and then to the top of the door jams. Sneaky squirrel.
I wanted another picture of the squirrel up in the air, so I got my camera again. I also video taped us attempting to get the squirrel down. It didn't work so well.
Squirrels like to be up high, and hold on really well. They are kind of like little monkeys. I hate monkeys, but thats a whole other story. Squirrels can hold on with their back legs so they can grab and bite broom handles. We whacked the squirrel. He bitched back at us, but wouldn't come down. That's a pissed off squirrel.
I had to put the camera away to help get the squirrel, since I was the one who brought him in the first place. We threw a blanket at him, and he fell down on the ground. We now had him under a blanket, and very cranky. No one wanted to try to pick him up now.
We got the cat crate over by him, and tried to convince him to go into the crate. He didn't want to participate. Instead of going in the box, he laid on his back and chattered at me. I really didn't want to squish him, but I had to get him in the box so he could go free. Squirrels dont cooperate well.
I got the squirrel to jump in the crate, but now I couldn't shut the door. So now I have a angry squirrel in a box, a peed on squirrel blanket, and two ladies laughing at me. Squirrels can make you mad.
We used a piece of cardboard and slide it in front of the box so I could get out of the corner. Kim carried the box and cardboard, and I got my camera so we could get film of the squirrel we had so valiantly saved. The squirrel wasnt ready to go yet.
Kim set the box down on the ground, and removed the cardboard. The squirrel apparently didn't like rain. Kim had to shake the box, but then the squirrel took of top speed, running in a straight line. You would have never know he was hit by a car. The squirrel ran all the way to the top of the tree, chattering at us the whole way. Free at last, the squirrel was back into the wild.
So what did we learn from this lesson?
1. Don't hit a squirrel
2. If you do hit a squirrel, make sure that you hit it hard enough to kill it.
3. If you do hit a squirrel, and you don't kill it, back over it again to make sure it's dead.
4. If you do hit a squirrel, but can't run over it to make sure it's dead, just leave it on the ground.
5. If you do hit a squirrel, and you can't just leave it on the ground, don't take it to work with you.
6. If you do hit a squirrel, and you do take it to work, put it in a cat crate, not a kennel that you can't move.
7. Squirrels pretend to be hurt, but they really just want to jump off your head, spring board style. The only true way they can do that is from a dog kennel. Refer to #6.
8. Squirrel like brooms. They are kind of like naked trees. They can climb them well, so make sure you get them out of the away.
9. Squirrels are like little monkeys, and did I mention I hate monkeys? Squirrels can hang on like monkeys, so they can chatter and bite. Don't stick your hand near a angry squirrel.
10. When in doubt, make sure you have a camera. Squirrels and screaming ladies can be pretty entertaining.
