Libby's Update Page

Fun things to do with your port (after it's out of course!)



There is nothing quite like a port with googley eyes to brighten your day! In case you didn't know, a port, AKA port-a-cath, is the thing that was in my chest that the nurses poke with a needle and inject my chemo in (saves your arm viens). I kept mine afterwards, and pose him around the house... dont ask why, chemo has warped my fragile little mind.

02/01/06

Ok, it's offical, the new Relay for Life season has kicked off. If you didn't notice, I have a link on the home page to my personal relay site if you so feel inclined to donate to the American Cancer Society (its a good thing!). 2 very exciting things have happened in the past week. First off, I found out the I've been accepted to be an ambassador from my district in WA. state for the National Relay for life in Washington DC this coming Sept. I'm pretty excited about that! First off, I've never been to the East coast in general, and second, National Relay, how sweet is that? I'm still waiting for more info to come, so when I get it, I'll share with ya. Second, I bought a house, sort of. It's actually a park model home (a wee tiny moble home, like 399 sq feet). Took a trip to AZ. to check the place out, and ordered myself a little home. Should be here in about a month. Once again, I'll keep you updated on that too. Alright, thats it for now! Thanks for checking on me!

1/13/06

Happy Friday the 13th for all of you who worry about that kind of thing. Me, not so much. This week has been crappy, I've had better, but it's Friday, so you can't go wrong there. Yesterday was (gulp!) the 5 year mark for getting Dx., can you believe it? Me either. Some how I managed to get my 6 month appointment made for yesterday with out even noticing that fact. Beanie is home from good old Pullman for an interview with e Beaverton police department, so she got the joy of spending part of the day with me at the hospital. This appoint was one of the best so far, test wise. I had labs drawn at work, and everything was fine and dandy. The only other test was a dexa scan (first time for me). I have to say that the dexa scan by far as the best table ever. None of these skinny ass hard cold tables like the PET, or gallium. The CT is a little better, only because its a little wider. The dexa scan on the other hand is nice a big, and padded!!! How sweet is that? A little drafty in the room, but the table made up for it. Turns out my bones are nice and healthy (thats what the dexa scan tests) the hips are way above average, and the spine is above average too. Good to know incase I plan in any crazy snowboard crashes...although I dont really plan those. The Onc. office appointment was good too. They are down to 2 oncs. now, only 1 I have seen. Lots of changes over the past years. Jill and I were entertainment for two small kids in the waiting room. A little 4 year old who was a baldy (and mentally a little slow from the chemo/rads most likely) who we played "shopping with, and her 16 month old sister. It was mainly us saying go get the potatoe, go get the apple. Fun stuff! The day before yesterday we had a funeral for an older guy that was our 4-H llama club booster. That sucked. I had told him several years before that I would wear a formal (like prom dress formal) to his funeral, if thats really what he wanted (long story, he though having a bunch of young ladies in formals carrying his casket would be cool) so Jill, another club member and I carried out his wishes. Not too many times you get to dress up in life like that, but we figured it was his last big party. Ok...on to happier thoughts.... I'm starting to plan some type of celebration for my 5 years in remission come this summer. Our local relay for life happens to be a week later then normal, so it also happens to fall on my birthday (how sweet is that?). Plus, relay happens to be when I am able to get a bunch of family and friends together, so thats when I plan of celebrating 5 years (I'll have my tests and appointment a few days before). Not a whole lot of ideas yet, so if anyone has any, toss them out. The only thing I know is that I plan on getting catered food, because I dont want ot end up running the BBQ and not get to have fun! Oh, and cake, you have to have cake! I've started a myspace site too, since space is getting limited on here, and I still have pixs to put up, so you can check me out there too (although I dont put a whole lot of cancer related stuff up there, tends to scare off the guys....anyway, here ya go: http://www.myspace.com/19220322 drop me a note!

7/28/05

All right, another update from me! I guess I like to wait until I have a whole bunch of junk to talk about, then I have to type up a novel about it..oh well, its all good stuff anyway! So I had my scans on the 7th, fun day right there. Just so you know, mammograms on 24 y/o boobs are not cool. Want to try it yourself? Stand in front of your fridge and slowly try to close the door on your boob. I guess guys could try it too, just wack yourself in the testies, similar expereince I think. Yuck. Anyway, so thats a test I get to look forward to every year for the rest of my life, woo woo!! Atleast mom and I got lots of photos out of it. We are very sick and twisted people :) I also had my CT scan that day, and ECKO/EKG. Then I went back the next Weds. for my PFT (lung function) and follow up with the onc. My boss had stabbed me for my blood work the week before so I wouldnt have to get stabbed again, but low and ahold, we forgot to write down my thyroid tests, so I got stabbed 2 more times anyway. My poor veins have just about given up. I try to talk them into behaving, but do the listen to me? No..little buggers. Turns out I'm all clean everyone! 4 years down, one more until the big FIVE YEAR MARK! Any ideas for a party? I plan on doing something big, this is a big deal for crazy cancer people like me. Then, that following Sat. (July 16-17) was our local Relay for life. This year was our best year yet! We had a sweet site, #54, (studio 54, get it?) so with Charlie's Angels we had a disco Safari. It looked great! We had lots of fun, and I was glad so many people were able to make it out this year! I want to give a big hug to everyone that helped this year!!!!! I think I might have to set up another website, I've almost used up all my space on this one, and I still need to get photos up from relay and my 4 year test fun! What else? Well I turned 25 on the 22nd, yea for me!! Went out to dinner and had a veggie burger with advicodo on it (not GUAC-amoly, hee hee) and then got to wear sexy glasses and ballon for the birthday song. We have some nice photos of all that fun, now if they every get put online, thats another story (although Jill had fun tormenting me with photos of my chest..thank you Beanie. Jill also turned 22, cant forget that either!! Ok, I guess thats about it for now, my parrot is chewing me out for not letting her scream in my ear. Have a great weekend people!!

7/06/05

Man ladies and gents, you would not beleive the joy of my new cordless key board brings me! I can sit here and update with my the thing on my lap, ans my parrot standing on my knees. The only down fall is I have to watch where she's aiming her little birdie butt, I'm sure deep down she would love to crap in my new toy, but alas, not tonight!! So I figure this is going to be a long ass update tonight, why you might ask? Well I have a bunch of scans tommorrow, and I'm on predinsone (sp?) so I dont die from a reaction to the contract they inject into me, so I'm also slightly wired from that too. I'm SURE, I'll sleep well tonight...HA! Ok, so I have much to update about. First, back in May I got nice and sick, running a fever of 103.8 for a week. It sucked. They (well, my boss, since she is a doctor) though most likely mono, but 2 weeks later, and a few blood tests, turns out it was an adenovirus. Not sure if I should be excited about that fact or not, but I guess its good to know. Then, so how I lucked out, and was well enough to head to Gold Creek MT. for the young adult cancer survivor's confrence. It was absolutely amazing! Ithough the first time I went was good, but this time was crazy. I had the chance to meet some wonderful people, and learn all sorts of things. I also learned way too much about dry vagina's in the sex ed for cancer people, but, come on, when will a person get the chance to have a conversation about that for 30 mins? I promise to get pixs up at some point, I just need to scan them. Then what? I went kayaking with some friends, we went to Speeliah (sp?) bay, its was very cool!! So it rained a little to much for my liking (cup holder in the yak filled up) but still, tons O' fun! My friend Molly moved to NY for PA school for 2 years, so it was a last yak trip out before she took off. I plan on going and sleeping on her floor to visit, until then, I'm mailing packages of reandom crap from around our house to her (and we have a lot of crap). Sasha (my parrot, read the entery below) is making things hard for me, she's taken to screaming in my ear hole for the time being!! So I'm here typing, and screaming at a parrot "DO NOT SCREAM IN THE EAR HOLE!!" But its all good, I'm only slightly crazy tonight. Ok what else? How was your all's 4th of July? The Sat. before I went ot a friends place and watched the neighbor explode a ton of things, its was awsome! That and the fact that we drove out to the back of a grass field and had a great view! I also learned that its a very nice drive home at 4am in Lacenter, very pretty actually. The 4th was intertaining, we had snakes and chickens that shot things out thier asses. How much more patrioit can you get? So tomorrow I go in for my 4 years tests!!! 4 years baby!! I'm slightly stressed as you can see by my random topic change and spelling. Any way, I have to be in PDX at 8am for a CT from stem to stern, then I get to have my first mammo (woo woo) then off to see the cardio for my echo/ekg. But thats not all!! Then I go in a week later for my PFT and bloodwork then see the Onc. They have this thing about making me wait, which is great for my lack of sleep!!! Ok, I guess its time to simmer odwn, so I'll go be productive and make some stuff up for Relay for life!

04/05/05

Howdy once again ladies and gents. I'm getting over a cold and apparently being sick for over a week, and making massive amounts of snot, is just what my immune system needed to start a lovely case of mouth sore. CRAPOLA! Made me almost nostalgic of chemo days. Damn, can't believe that come June, it's going to be 4 years baby!!! I guess at that point I will have to make an atempt at having a more "active" social life and/or dating. Uh oh...I feel a rambling coming on. So here's the thing, getting cancer at that awkward "not a girl, not yet a woman" stage (ok, so not that bad, we're talking young adult here, but when else can you toss out that line eh?)totally messes up your look on relationships. I'm not really talking your friends per say (that is a whole other ramble right there), but that whole dating department. What a pain. You end up getting this paranoia about when do you explain that nice scar on your boob and neck? What's the proper time to discuss why you actually manage to meet your health insurance deductible for the year (I work in a pediatric office and I have families with 3 kids that can't reach the deductible for the year, and here I am, a "normal" looking health young adult)? Then of course there is the train of thought that includes the not wanting to jinx yourself. Who wants to get involved and then a couple months down the line relapse, and oh crap, stem cell transplant time? I'm really actually not that worried about relapsing, but it's that small nagging "what if?" that gets me. Then of course, should a relationship not work out, is it because it actually wans't meant to be, or because your that kinda weird person that had cancer. What the hell. Come 5 years of remission, they (the doctors) say your cured, so I guess at that point in time I'm just going to have to suck it up and take the leap. So my thoughts? Be a tad braver than me, and make the first move, but until I get to that point, I'll just watch from afar. Ok that was a good ranting, not sure how relavent for most of my readers, but worth the time to vent anyway. What else new in my life? Finished my EMT class. It was awesome!! I'm pumped about it, now I just need to get affliated with some agency with in the next 18 months (hopefully sooner). I also went to St. Baldrick's at the Barracuda club in good old PDX yesterday. Watched one of my Drs. get her head shaved, plus a lot of other people. There a truely some people that have good bald head, and the not so good, kind of lumpy actually heads. I'll get some pixs up here some day. It's a fund raiser for Children's cancer research, just an FYI. I am also pet stting a parrot for the time being. A friend from high school emailed that her mom had breast cancer, and she was going to move home, but couldnt have her birds around her mom due to the crappy immune system, and did I know anyone who might be interested? SOOO, long story short, I said I would give it a shot with her problem child, Sasha. She's a quaker parrot who is acutally sitting on my shoulder as I type this. I get shit on a lot these days, but atleast is just her. I now own a couple of "poop shirts." I bought her a cool little desk top play thing, but she's much more content sitting on my shoulder, preening my hair, ripping my ear rings out (I caught on to that one pretty quick)and licking the side of my face. Oh yeah, and quite often, screeching in my right ear. And pooping, a lot. Did I mention she poops a bunch? Yeah, thats antother FYI for you. Birds, in general, poop a lot. Day light savings time has me all messed up. I know the clock says 10pm, but really its only 9pm. Maybe I'll get in gear and start a blog someday, atleast I know I have a lot of junk to talk about, look at what this little update ended up being. Either that, or write a book. Alrighty, enough for now, and I have a feeling that I will update again soon, and really mean it this time. Onward and upward!

01/11/05

Alright, time for another update, havent done one in a long time! Anywho, today I had another 6 month check up (how sweet is that! going on 4 years baby!) Got groped, everything is all good, and I dont have to be back in until July again. Atleast it wasnt like I was felt up by a complete stranger, but its still kind of odd....maybe, someday I'll get used to it...or not. So what else is new? Well, in the crazy thinking of me, I am currently taking an EMT-B class. So far I think I'm going to like it, might be a different story after I get my first test back. Last Saturday we had our first lab day, you know, practicing stuff on each other. Turns out that I am a weenie, and cant lift a guy that weighs 280 with only one other girl. We got about a foot of the ground, and that was as far as my wee little arms wanted to go. Also played around with the BP cuffs (a spygomamonter, or how ever its spelled), so for those of you that know me, if I come up wanting to take your BP and check pulse, resperations, and pupil size, please!! just humor me and let my practice on you. I need more victums...errr.. I mean volenteers. As you can see, my spelling isnt quite up to par, and I'm not in the mood to spell check, just going to leave it as is for now. Have a wonderful new year everyone!!

7/07/04

YIPPIE! Had my 3 year follow up today! Everything is clean, looks great, and I get bumped up to tests and follow up every 6 months now! How exciting is that? Only down side is that a year from now, it's time to start mammograms, woo hoo for me! Dang that radiation! (Not really, I's rather do the whole breast smashing thing once a year then have to do chemo again.) Anyway, having a wonderful week now, hope everyone's 4th of July's were fun! We had fondu at a friends house, then blew up stuff in our drive way. Have a great day!

2/16/04

Well everyone, here I am starting a new transition in my life! Starting a new job, so I will have less worries about health insurance, and thats wonderful! No more anexity meds either! Things should be looking up for sure, now I just need to get on the ball and get in for my next set of tests. I'll see how long I can keep putting that off!

12/9/03

I'm doing ok. Life as been pretty stressful lately (not cancer related though, so thats good!). My dog ( I know, a dog, but it was a pretty special dog) had liver cancer, and we lost her pretty quickly once she started going down hill, and I took it pretty hard.
(My dog, the best ever dang it!)
I'm now trying another drug for anexity so hopefully this one will do the trick. I seem to have hit the burn out point for the college I am at, and really really need to move on, but I cant until I get one more class done, which they dont offer until spring, and I still have to be full time because of a scholarship I got that didn't even cover fall.....finals are this week, and I am waiting for it all to be over. Can you tell I'm just a TAD stressed? I plan on sleeping, updating my web page, and just taking it mentally easy :) Well I'm off to bed, it's not worth cramming for a test when you have chemo brain, I'd just forget it anyway :)

11/18/03

Yesterday in microbiology we made raw beef soup. It was grotty! Stringy chunks trying to suck up in a pipette, yum. Can't wait to see what grows out of beef.

11/5/03

The anexity level will be coming down soon here I hope! I've got an appointment to see a general NP tomorrow, I guess my mom was able to finally get the right people on the phone, so hopefully if I like this NP she can hook me up with an Onc. and I can get back on top of things with my follow ups :) Yeah!!! I"m going to discuss meds with her also. I need to"simmer down now!" just a bit!

11/2/03

Long time, no update from me, but I'm still around! I've got some questions about anxiety issues, or ADD, chemo brain, or something? I'm figuring there are plenty of people out there that got put on anxiety meds during or after chemo, and I was wondering what lead you to get that done? I had no problems during chemo, and even afterwrad for a while. I'd do the panicky thing before tests and all, but nothing too major. Lately though, I've been wondering if some things I write off as chemo brain are more related to anxiety issues. I've got a fair amount of stress going on with school and such, and wonder if I have some type of onset ADD issues, it's like I cant' get my brain to slow down, and I've got all these random thoughts just buzzing around in there, which makes it a little difficult to concentrate. I kind of feel like I'm rambling, but I not sure where to start :) I'm working on getting a new doctor since I got health insurance again, but it's taking a while.. boy oh boy, I love Kaiser sometimes. I'm over due for my follow up tests since I'm still working on getting a new oncologist, so I'm hopefully getting hooked up with a really nice GP who can get me some connections with an onc, and maybe get me going on some anxiety meds, or something. AGGGGGGGG!

10/31/03

Happy Halloween! Muahahaha! My dear sweet sister got home tonight, and I made her dress up as a pig. I got to be a cow.... let's just say that farm animal costumes are not that flattering on your figure. Someday soon (maybe) I'll get a picture up. We went to Tiff's halloween party for a while, and won funniest costume pair, as the lesbian farm animals (NOT REALLY!). Anyway, it was good to see Tiff, looked pretty good as a piece of pie :) Remember, go buy your candy fix tomorrow, when it's all on sale!

9/28/03

Anyway, not much new going on here, clark is slowly getting back into the swing of things. I did a garage sale w/ the Larsen's, and did the after fair dinner party there too. Its was pretty exciting, me, Tim, and Emily hanging out in the house, and all the older goat people out on the deck. Suzie wynne came, so I chatted with her for a little bit, but her bed time is like 8:30, so they left early. I also went to Albany OR. to a vet tech. confrence for 2 days, learned about excting things like cytology, hemology and endocrinelogy. Woo Woo.

8/20/03

Hi All! I got back for the YASC late yesterday. I wish more cancer survivors could have been there, epsically the people that are several years out. It seemed crazy to me to be 1 of 36 people taking part in an event that was a first for the nation. The camp was great, set in beautiful Gold Creek, MT. I saw some the the greatest thunder and lightening storms. The only draw back was the MT has really bad forest fires going on right now, so it was really smokey (I had no idea how crappy my lungs are now until I had to breath there) I met cancer survivors of all types of cancers and at all different stages of remission or cured. I had the chance ot meet speaker like Hidei Adams, the lady that set up Planet Cancer (it's a young adult cancer web site), plus people that are highly active in young adult survivor programs. I met an awesome doctor from TX who help run a long term survivors program that is nation wide. The work shops were great, I learned alot about advocity (which I cant spell), networking, etc. I tell you more about the classes when I have more time. It was awesome, they even had a challenge rope course that was like 40 feet up in the air. It was amazing to see one young woman climb the ladder to get up there, and then go thru the whole course with just one leg. I was in awe :) I did meet 3 other hd survivors there, one who is just 1.5 years out of treatment, plus others who were 8-10+ years out. Two of the speakers were also hd survivors. The opening speaker had hd shortly after getting back from the veitnam war when she was 24, then she later got breast cancer from all the rads, and then just receintly had bladder cancer. She was a nurse, and now does a lot with survivor programs. If your a survivor, and if you get the chance, go next year. It went really well this year, so they want to do it again next year. There is nothing like sitting around in the hot tub, with a fake leg laying by the side :) Well, I have to get to work, but I'll get photos done soon, and up on the web. Amazing, it was truely amazing.

8/15/03

Well All, I'm packed and ready to go. I leave today for the Young Adult Survivor Confrence in Montana, to see if I am really as weird as I think I am :) I'll report back and let you know how it went. They are going to have topics covering survivorship issues, plus other bonding activities. Sound be entertaining, a bunch of 20-30 something adults hanging out in a camp ground. I just hope my suitcase makes it there with me. I've brough a bunch of black and white film to help mark this event. I hope it goes well! Wish me Luck!

7/24/03

Well, I'm 23 now, and in a few short days, actually 8/1/03, I'll be without health insurance. I'm working on solving that problem, but it hasn't been very pretty. Let's just say I can't afford $600+ a month (yeah, a MONTH) for health insurance. AND that is if they will take me! GRRRRR! Anyway, so I wont go into that topic too much, or I'll just get cranky. Aside from that, my birthday was fairly uneventful, I've had a fantasic cold/virus for the last week and a half, so I spent the evening sitting on the sofa, woo woo! Yesterday I stopped by some friends house, and they hooked me up with some orange jello with a candle in it as a "subsitute cake" (Thanks Tim and Emily!!!) I'm trying to get a 2 year photo for my front webpage, but I just haven't had a good hair day lately...it was so much easier when I didn't have any! I also did Relay for life again this year. It was way to hot, so I only did around 7 miles total, but it was still fun, plus our team made a little under $2000 for the ACS. So that is about it for now, just an little update to let you know I'm still alive out here :)

6/25/03

Howdy all, Came back from the consultation today with the surgeon about the painful lump above my port scar. (I was sent to him since the ultrasound wasn't really saying anything) I figured he would just look at it today, and say yeah, lets remove it and set up another appnt. BUT NO, he looked at it and said we can take this out today. Okey dokey, I hadn't planned to get poked in the boob today, but what the heck :) Any, I got all numbed up, and he started cutting and tugging and fishing around for the lump, and low and behold, it wasn't a lump of scar tissue like we thought, but part of my port! There is a plastic locking thing that is between the tubing and the port, and some how the plastic part slipped all the way down the tubing, and was left in my chest when I had the port removed 2 years ago. No wonder it hurt when I pushed on it, or it got whacked. I peeled the bandaid off to look at the hole, and it's gross! The doctor left the wound open to heal, so you can see down into the pocket it made. I had my sister took some pictures, so as soon as they are developed I'll get them up here! Pretty freakin' wierd, but that's just me I guess.

6/20/03

After a lovely stress filled week, I went in this a.m and got my results back. ALL CLEAR on the CT scan! Actually, I got a copy of the report and it says "unremarkable", hey now, I think I'm quite remarkable in some aspects! Side note... did you know the chemo causes you to grow extra ureters? OK, so maybe it doesn't, but then how come it took the CT Doctors 8 CT scans to finally notice I have an extra set of ureters?????? Hella sweet!!!!!! I don't know too many people with that special talent!!! To quote the report: "There is bilateral complete duplication of the renal collecting systems, including the ureters down to the bladder" The doctor said that it means I have an increased chance of kidney infections, but since I stay well hydrated, and have a "tiny tank" (i.e. I drive everyone insane with the amount of times I have to pee in a day) I'm not too worried. (By the way, chemo didn't cause me to grow extra systems, I was born with it, atleast thats what the doctor says) I thought it was cool, my doctor thought I was crazy. And my sister wanted to hit me since I walked from the 3rd floor to the car singing "I've got 4 ureters, I've got 4 ureters!!!! My SED rate was up, but they didn't do a copper test, so we assume it's just anatomy finals stress related :) So, only 2 more doctors appnts. to go! I've got the eye doctor, boring....., and now I have to go see a surgon for a consultation. Long story short, I was at the ob-gyn (the who-who doctor as so aptly named at our house) who wanted me to go get the lump in my boob checked (painful lump above where portie lived) so I got an appnt. for an ultrasound, except it was inconclusive, so now I get to go see this new doctor to see if they want to biopsy it. Woo Woo for me!

6/16/03

Glad I'm not really a big believer in karma/ good luck/ bad luck, or what ever you want to call it. Didn't sleep much last night, some due to stress about my CT scan, but most of it was for the fact that weended up rushing my mom to the ER last night. She got sick mid-evening, and started throwing up, and really painful (she had the gastric bipass surgery about 1.5 years ago) and we were all panicing she had ruptured something. We get her to the ER and she going into shock and getting cold. She's also type II diabetic, but she's had lower blood sugar levels then last night and never been that sick..... long story short, they drugged her up, got her blood sugar up, and no tests showed anything had ruptured.... phhewww, and I got to sleep around 2am. Got up at 6, headed to portland, with out breakfast (tear...sniff) and had several tastey glasses of apple smoothie contrast. Instead of sending me up to the blood draw lab like normal, a nice lady took me to the back to get a line in. Ohhhh, after a few tries we finally got one in my hand, but then blood wouldn't come out very well, so my sister and I are sitting there going hmmmm, what else can go funky. Then I finally get in for the CT, have to chug more contrast (which I normally don't have to drink that much) but alas, it was Berry flavored. FYI, be afraid, be very afraid of banana contrast. Then the IV contrst wouldn't work, then they had to add more to the machine, plus it peed contrast all over my arm. WOO WOO, couldn't have gone any better then that! Now I get to sit around for 5 days till my follow up appointment, and STRESS! Well, that was more fun then my typical Monday.

4/28/03

I called and set up an anppointment for both the dentist and eye doctor, woo woo. I called the eye doctor because I've been having these weird eye things going on. Like 1/2 the vision in my left eye gets all sparklie and I can't see well, but the other half of the eye still works. Pretty freakin' weird to me, so I called the eye doctor to make sure that my eye wasn't going to fall out. SO, the nurse calls me back and says I have ophthalmic migraines? or ocular migraines. Sweet, just what I need :) Some are followed with a head ache, others aren't, but I don't know if it will have a headache, since it's randomly happening. Freakin' migraines. The nurse said that I was kind of young to be having them, but maybe I'm under a lot of stress? HMMMMM, anatomy, studying the brain and eye.....

3/09/03

Sorry again guys, about not updating lately. School has been sucking my will to live (ok, maybe not that bad...)I have a little time right now, so I can let ya know whats going on. Hmmmm, my new best friends are the 3 cadavers I send my spare time with for anatomy class. They are nice and all, but don't have too much to say :) Yeah, so work and school, thats what I've been doing. I'm going to go cut and paste some emails now, since my brain is now up to par. Love ya!

3/02/03

Anyway, I just wanted to update that my tests were all good from my last appnt., plus, I got to keep my xrays! How sweet is that? Now I have to figure a way to artistly display them, along with my radation mask. Hmmmmm....

12/17/02

I'm speechless. I can't believe what some people leave in my guestbook. It's hard to take in that I do have an impact on other's lives some times. (it's it crazy what the web can do???) I feel a little guilty for slacking on it so much, but now that I am on break, I'm going to work on catching things up. Thank you, thanks you, thank you to all who sign my guest book, I'm glad to make a difference for some people, and when you let me know, that makes a difference in me. I'm in awe. What can I say but wow?

12/9/02

I went to our follow up relay for life 2002 meeting, and picked up Charlie's Angels pictures, so keep an eye out, I promise to get them up soon!!!

11/28/02

Happy Thanksgiving! It's strange to think that a year ago we were worried I had relapsed, but it just turned out to be funky blood levels. Phew! I'm thankful to still be clear, have such a supportive family and friends, and have a place to learn more about hd, and help others too.

10/31/02

BOO! Happy halloween all! It's been a couple of das since my last oncology appointment for a check up, and all is still good, every things zen, or how ever you would like to put it, yea! No tastey contrast this time, just lots o' tubes of blood. Hope you have a happy halloween, I'm going to go help children cross the street avoid getting hit by a car. Wish me luck!

10/21/02

Well my brother Bj went back yesterday morning. He called at 2:30am this morning to let us know that he missed his transfer flight from Dallas, and was hungry. What a freak! Anyway, so he should be back some time early this evening. I think he had a ton of fun while down here. We took him to the 4-H birthday bash, and he sang a little karoke with Andrew ( a 4-H leader guy). Damn it was funny, I almost peed my pants. We took pictures, so I'll have to put some up here. BJ and I also went out with the Larsen's to go see The transporter movie. Once again, laughing so hard I had to pee. The movie was so bad it was good. Then Tim and BJ proceeded to spend 5 bucks on those crappy toy machines to get "playazer", these little plastic black and hispanic boy toys. We also took him out for this first drink on his 21st birthday for dinner. The boy would talk a million miles an hour, and the hiccup like a drunk. We also took him cosmic bowling, and he proceeded to follow asleep on the table. The boy is a cheap date, muahahahaha! What else? Well, we went and got family pictures done, sort of. My mom bugged out on us. I'm going to go pick them up shortly, and maybe I'll put a copy on the web too. Have you stocked up on the halloween candy yet?

10/7/02

My Gosh! I'm such a slacker! I haven't updated in a looong time. I think it's a combination of my computer being in little pieces, me having to use other peoples computers, and just being a busy person ( not that I have a problem with that, money is a good thing!) I have a bunch of pictures to put online still, they are just in my computer that is in little bits right now (and that my birdies pooped on too). Cancer-wise, I'm doing great. I think I'm due for more tests here soon, but I'm feeling pretty good. Sometimes when I get the hiccups too often, or start gurgling it bothers me, but I have to remember that it's not cancer, it me, being special again:) Sooo, now I'm going to go back thru my emails and cut and paste to make up for not updating!

9/29/02

Well, the first week of classes is over. It's going fine. I have medical vocab ( hard one for me, HA HA) photography 1 ( which might be a pain if my camera cant get fixed) and human genetics, woo woo. Oh! I have a new dog! She's also taking up my time. Chevy is a shepard/ lab/ who knows what else cross I adopted from work. She had a broken leg that we pinned after the owner desided that they were going to put her to sleep ( so thet signed over to Amazia instead). She's a goober, but really smart. We are going to go to doggie school in Nov. What else? I'm re-bleaching my hair as we speak, pretty exciting eh?

9/14/02

For all you special people out there that know my fear of monkeys, I just have to let you know that my sister torments me with a soap dispenser in the bath room that has a damn monkey with a banana clinging to it on the inside. It's damn creepy. Arg!!! Freakin' monkeys!!!!

7/23/02

Hey all! I just had to say I celebrated my 22nd birthday in style, getting sick from being dehydrated :) Oops. Anyway, July 20-21 was my local relay for life, and my team "Charlie's Angels (my dad, Charlie, was the only guy on the team) was able to raise over $2000 in just over 2 months!!! I sort of registered late, but since this was my first year, it was a learning experience. I had a lot of fun, and will be posting the pictures as soon as I get them back. I made shirts for all my team members, and they came out great! I took the Charlie's angels icon? and instead of guns and stuff, the ladies had a syringe, IV pole, and stethoscope. We were also able to rasie next years team entery fee by selling glow braclets there. They had turned out all the lights, so all the candles and bracelets looked amazing. It was really awesome. So, next time I'll drink even more water, and maybe avoid the dehydration, but it was great. I'll let you all know when the pictures are online.

7/14/02

I know, here I go again, slacking on the website :) But I really have been busy with working, and the relay team, and all our fuzzy little animals. I went for a stress test this past Wednesday, woo woo is that fun, and it turns out I'm fairly healthy, oh, and I can run without a bra also. What's up with that? Anyway, my cousin has made a really sweet design for our relay team's shirt, I'll have to post it on the webpage soon. The relay is next weekend, so I doubt you'll see a new post before then!

7/4/02

Happy 4th of July to you all! I hope yours is going better then mine, grrr. My baby goatie passed away this afternoon. But on the bright side, my dad found some ghetto sparklers in the garage, so you know we'll be having some fun tonight!

6/20/02

Well, one down, four to go... years that is! Today is ONE year of finishing treatment for me, yippie!!!! I had my CT scan and blood work last week (just to brag, they had a "new" flavor of contrast, yum yum yummy! Apple smoothy flavor!! Gag, gag, barf hurl) and everything came back fine and dandy!! The only weird thing was getting felt up by the doctor, but I can live with that, hee hee! Sorry I haven't been online much, so I'm still sorting thru a million emails, plus I'm getting together not one, but two teams for relay for life (eck, this should be interesting)...so if your interested in supporting us finacially *wink*wink* let me know!!

6/12/02

Well, I haven't updated in a while, but I have good reasons!!! I've moved back home from WSU, and I am still attemping to get my stuff unpacked, which included my computer, hee hee. Things have been going well, I'm coming up on my 1 year mark for COMPLETELY finishing treatment, yea for me!!! Yesterday I went in for my 1 year CT scan, and had the honor of choking, errr, drinking down apple smoothie flavored contrast. Yeah, it was really yummy!!! Tonight I go to a friends high school graduation (Congrats Em!!) and then tomorrow I go back to the oncs. office to get my results, which better be good!!! Wish me luck!!!

5/6/02

I have to say that so far today has been FANTASIC!!! Let's start from the begining shall we? I woke up at 6am after a whopping 4 hours of sleep (why? I'm not at liberty to say...) at which then I opened to front door to get the paper, and was hit with falling snow. That's right, it's freakin' snowing in pullman. So, I went and got my coat, and walked to school, to be there for my 7am test, organic chem, of course! I took the test, and waited around for the answers to be posted. Long story short, we pissed off some cranky lady in the chemisrty building, and Angie almost stepped on a used condom laying on the ground outside the door. AND, it was only 10am!!!!! Turns out I got an 80% of the test, so that really is a good thing. And now, I only have 2 more finals, today that is!!!! Which reminds me, maybe I should go to the next one!

4/29/02

Well, guess what today is? Come on, make a guess? Yuppers! It would be my one year mark for finishing chemo! Can you believe it? I can't really say that I celebrated or anything... I haven't been able to catch any friends online or anything, but still, I'm excited. I still haven't gotten to a point where I can go a day with out thinking about cancer in some form or another, but as time goes by, I think things will get better. I'm excited and scared about hitting the one mark point for getting my next PET scan. I still worry about cancer coming back, but I try not to let it get to me too much. I have so much more that I can do still, or worry about :) One year, that's pretty nice to say! Let's keep it going longer!

4/26/02

A sad day in Pullman... I woke up to find Mister Peepers, my gold fishie, had passed on in the night!! Not only did I bomb my chemistry test, and get a bloody nose, but my fish died too!!! *sniff*

3/19/02

Ahhhh, I just got back from my 9 month check up (can you believe it? 9 months!!!) and everything still seems to be clean! I only had blood work and a chest x-ray, but still, I'm excited! I'll be counting down the days to when I hit the year mark! It's coming up here soon!

3/01/02

For my list of stupid things NOT to do I would add doing a fish necropsy to that list :) Yesterday on of our big platy fishes died, and I wanted to see if she had died cuz she had a baby stuck (she had some on tuesday I think) anyway, so Carrie is talking on the phone, and I go get the net and fish it out. I took it to the kitchen and got a floppy cutting board and a small knife, and then proceeded to try to figure out the best way to do this... So I look at the fish, and I'm like, "well, it has a hole aready...so I'll try that" yeah, you know what hole that it... You know what happens when you cut a fish open that way? It EXPLODES! I dont know why, but it blew up all over. GROSS! But, none got an me, so that was cool. I then decided that it wasnt work it to try to look any further, since I just kind of had fish mush, and I tossed it in the garbage can. Yeah, that wasnt cool. I'll save the necropsy for larger animals. Side note though, Carrie and I saw two mooses (?) on the way to the store yesterday, it was awesome! I've never seen one before, and I got to see a mommy and a baby! In Pullman! Cool!

2/17/02

Well, I have the dorm plague or something, which is great! Atleast it's not the flu! I went ice skating at the ghetto Moscow ice rink. I'm not sure if they know what a zamboni is for, the ice was pretty lumpy! I still had a blast with all the people I went with, and have pictures and video tape to back it up! Don't worry, they should be online soon!

2/14/02

Ahhh, what a wonderful Valentine's Day to everyone out there. I prefer to call it single's awareness day, but what ever works for ya! I spent the evening studying, and then taking my organic chemistry test. I have to say, the chemistry gods are looking down on me or something, because, you guessed it, I passed! And we aren't talking a D passing, or even a C grade passing. I got an 84%!!! Woo woo for me! I think that my high school chemistry teacher would be proud! Go Raz!

2/12/02

Hi all!!!!!!!!!! I just wanted to let you know that I came home today from class, checked the mail, and found the candle lighter's newsletter in my mail box. If you don't know, candle lighter's is a support group/ program, etc. "that provides support, education and advocacy to families whose lives have been affected by childhood cancer." Anyway, so I like to read the newsletter, sometimes there is some pretty interesting stuff in. SOOOO, I sit down and start flipping thru the pages, when I see MY name in bold in an article. Whaa? Turns out that I have won a scholarship, the Dr. Robert C. Neerhout Memorial Scholarship, after I read the article. It's pretty sappy, even for me, when I re-read what they had quoted from my application. Anyway, I just had to share, it was a great suprise, since I haven't seen a letter or anything saying I had made it! I don't know if you would count this as a "perk" of hd or not, but it still made my day. Oh, and here's what they quoted, either I have bad chemo brain, or something, because I had forgotten what I had put down. "Libby was already a college student at Clark College when she was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma last January. After going through her treatment, she transferred to Washington State University, still pursuing her interest in becoming a veterinarian. However, after being a patient and spending so much time with her nurses, she realized she had become very interested in pediatric oncology, and decided she wanted to become a nurse. She has also decided to return to her home after finishing her year at WSU, and enroll in the nursing program at either Clark College or OHSU. In her application she stated: "Cancer has been very influential on my life. When most people my age are thinking about dating and marriage, school, cars, jobs, etc. I am reminded everyday that out time here on earth is limited...Because of having cancer, I' ve learned to take a little more time for my family and myself...you need to make a difference for yourself and others now, because there might not be a later." I have to say, that has really made my day!

1/17/02

Ahh, the first week of class is half over. I think I will have fun with my classes, but a lot of reading is involved this semister. Man, does chemo brain suck. As a student who used to "cram" right before tests, I CANT do it anymore. My brain just wont hold info. I forget having conversations with people, or just info I have been told. It kind of erks me, but I'm slowly finding new ways of dealing with it. I'm also on the drug to help the buzzing, which I take at night because it does make me tired, but thats good because it gets me to go to sleep at around 11 instead of 12 or 1 :)

1/12/02

Well, this is it, the one year mark. It was a lovely winter afternoon one year ago that I had to listen to a lady complain about having to wait too long to see the doctor, as I waited to see if I had cancer. As I look back on the past year, I'm not angry or mad because of getting HD. I never asked why me, heck, why not me? I'm not going to get a relgoius or anything, since thats not my style. All I can say as that having hd has helped change some on my looks on life. I'm more likely to voice my option on things, I mean, If i could walk around bald for 6 months and not have it bother me, then why care what other will think about my ideas? I think the only thing that gets me mad is how many people at college smoke. I just want to yell at them sometimes. Otherwise, I'm a happy person, even dealing with the later side effects. Enjoy life, and dont dwell on the small things. Well, onward and upward to all!

1/03/02

Well, yesterday I went in the the nerve test thing, EMG? The doctor hooked up these little electrode thingys to me, scribbled all over me with an ink pen, and then proceeded to zap me with a remote controller. Over all it wasnt bad, I don't think there is anything that will ever match up with my port removal, so its all good. The test did prove that I have slight neuropathy, so the doctor was nice enough not to want to do the needles in your muscles zap test, which I was perfectly happy with. So, I guess I just wait and see what the oncs want to do about it. I would like to be on something that would stop this freakin' burning feeling I get in my feet, and maybe help the hypersentivity thing, but other wise I'm good.

12/20/01

Ahh, final's week is starting to slow down. I have a nasty final today, math, yuck. I'm aiming for a high D in this class, which is crappy. But, all my other classes are A's or B's, which is good. Well, I've got a little more studying to do for math in a feable attempt to boost my test scores!

12/06/01

I went to a show yesterday. I don't know if you know about MTV's Jackass, but it was a very interesting show, I have to say. I could have done with out the vomiting on the stage though. It mainly revolved around Steve-o doing some extremely dumb stuff, on stage. Lets see? Lemon juice in the eye, eating glass, human goal post, balancing a big ass ladder in his chin, and as soon as he had it balanced he had the front row people throw chairs at him. One football player threw one so hard that it it him in the head, the leg broke off and put a huge gash in his scalp. It was insane. And the grand finale? After his scalp was bleeding, he proceeded to spray a butt load of air spray on his head, catch it on fire, and then have a guy blow rubbing alchol at his flaming hair, which proceeded to make a huge fireball, that Preston couldn't get to go out, and it spread down his shoulders and arms, and by then the whole audience is screaming, cuz all the jackass crew is panicing and trying to put him out. They got it out, but he was a little burnt, and then said, "Well, that wasn't how that was supposed to go.." Pretty insane, but worth the three bucks

11/26/01

GOOD UPDATE! Well, I'm back at school again. All my 5 month scans came back good! I had to go to Portland the Monday thru Wed. before Thanksgiving to get all my test done, and then Weds. afternoon I went back to the Onc.'s office to get my results. Everything was clean, so they aren't sure what is up with the copper levels. I also got a flu shot, so my arm is still sore. Anyway, Thanksgiving went well, especially knowing that HD isn't back. I'm pretty excited since there are only a few more weeks left for class. One thing though, during winter break my Dr's want me to get a nerve test done to see why I have the numbness and no reflexes, but hey, I can live with that!!!

11/15/01

I woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I'm going on 4 hours of sleep here, good thing I dont have much to do tommorrow class wise. I have a womens psy. test in about 45 mins, but I like them better then math :) I've decided that if Hodgie's back, I'm going to try to have as much fun with the whole thing. Like I want to drag my IV pole and pump and bald head (that is if my hair falls out again) out to the smokers section and do a photo shoot with me hold a cigerate. How about an ad for Mentos while sitting next to the toilet after puking? I think we can have a lot of fun with this, muahahaha! AQHHH! only one more day!! I'm ready to go home now.

11/14/01

Man, yesterday just was not my day! I got my copper blood level results back, and they are elevated again. Well, crap. I hope that it's just a fluke, but you know how it is, hope for the best, but plan for the worst. I had a big bawl fest yesterday, and I think that it helped to vent some. Sooo, I'll just have to stress until I can get my scans done over break. Wish me luck!

11/08/01

Well, I went into the student health place today to get a chest x-ray and blood work done. I've been gurgling and hiccuping a lot again, which I dont really like, since that was what I did before I found out I had HD the first time. I'll get results soon though. ONLY 8 more days till I'm home, yippie!!! I need some fuzzy animal time, since the squirrels wont play with me. Although, one does have a name now...JoJo, cuz he was sitting on the dumpster holding a stale jojo in both paws and munching on it!!

11/06/01

Guess what we got today? That's right, our first snow! I'm going to freeze my ass of, cuz it's really cold.

10/23/01

Ack! I've been thinking about changing my major. I've done a little looking into the nursing school, and have emailed my zoology advisor and the pre-nursing advisor, to see what they have to say. Arrg, I'm so confused now. It seems like for the past 7 years my goal was to get a zoology degree, and then be a vet or a Dr., and now that I dont know what I want to do, I'm lost. I know it was the nurses who had more interaction with me then the doctors, and thats what I want to have, interaction. And, I know that as long as I have to take these math courses, and organic chemistry, I will not have a good GPA to get into med school. I think it has to do with having to take math (which I am getting so tired of!!), and constently worrying about my GPA, and well, stupid cancer side effect too! I've looked into the requirements to get into the nursing school (like the pre-req classes) and I almost have everything. I would just need a few more humanity courses. Everything else I'm over qualifed, like chem and biology. The other though it that the nursing school is in spokane, which would mean I would need to move, but then there is also going back to Clark, if I could get accepted to the nursing school there. (And it would be a heck of a lot cheaper, but I also Like it here so much, it's nice to have the university experence) Man, this is a lot to think about.

9/29/01

I just wanted to say that I celebrated my 5 month anniverisry of finishing chemo (yup, I finished April 28th) by walking in both the Light the night walk, and relay for life. It was pretty cool. My roommate and her sister and I drove an hour to Spokane for the Light the night walk. It was pretty tiny, with about 50 people walking, and 4-5 survivors. No speeches or anything, but it was a lovely 3 mile walk around a lake. Fox news came, and I got interviewed since there was only a few survivors, but it was cool. I was able to raise 500.00 in less then a month, and the people at the registration desk were very pumped about it :) We then hopped back in the car and drove back so I could go to relay for life. I walked two shifts, from 10:30pm-12:00am, and then again from 10:30 -12:00. I was able to walk 28 laps, which adds up to 7 miles!!!!!! That's a lot considering I was a slug for 7 months. I noticed this morning that a few older people had on sashes on the said "expect a miracal". I had missed the survivor's lap, and ended up getting my sash this morning (and if you want to get looks from the other college kids there....wear it) Yeah, I was the youngest survivor there, but I walked with my head high. I ended up asking a lady doing laps the same time as me to take a few pictures for me, since I was by myself, and we ended up walking and chatting the last few laps. She was so surpised I was doing all of this and had only finished treatment in June. And, the Pullman Relay raised 26,000 bucks! So, in total, I walked 10 miles, and raised 500.00, that's a pretty good way to celebrate:) My legs are pretty freakin' sore now, but it was worth it. I will be taking my film in tommorrow, and hopefully by the end of the week I will have the pictures up on the web.

9/18/01

It's 11:30 pm here, I just finished the last of my math at 11:00. Pretty exciting stuff, functions and stuff. I went to a Circle K meetint tonight (kiwanis at college level) 15 bucks for a years worth of dues. I think I can manage that, and 10 bucks for a shirt. The people are nice, and I think this is what I need to get to know people here. I get to stand in front of baracades on sat. and tell people "screw you hippy, you cant park here!) and I get a walkie-talkie and an orange vest! Yippie for me! What else, yeah! The circle K club is putting together a relay for life team for the relay in pullman, so I think I will hook up with that too! I'll do the walk in Spoakane, and then come back here for the relay. I think carrie wants to go garnet hunting on the 30th, so if she goes, I think I will too. That is if she goes for just a day. She wants to go camping also, but I'm not going if she does cuz I dont like to pee in the woods :) WHICH reminds me.. walking back to the house today the rugby team was warming up in the field by us (dad would know, the one we crossed thru) Anyway, it looked like this guy was kneeling and praying really close to a fieldgoal, NOT! He was peeing on it! EEWWWW! I didnt need to see that! No mail today, poo! Tommorrow I go to student death at 9:45 to talk to the DR. I'll see if the onc. office sent them anything. I started to comb my hair to train it, it looks very interesting~

9/12/01

I have noiced a numbness to my feet for a while, and assumed it was nerve damage from the chemo. No biggie, it just feels like both feet go to sleep and get a little tingley.Yesterday I noiced that if I look down the ground I get this weird feeling in my lower back, upper butt area, with a tingley feeling going down my legs and ending up in my feet. It's sort of like an elevator, I feel it go down my legs, but really feel it hit in my feet. Yesterday it was just tingley, but today I am getting some weakness or numbness sometimes. It doesn't matter if I am sanding or sitting when I look down, or if I have a backpack on or not. I dont have any back pain, or sore muscles in my back. I dont think I have done anything to mess up my back lately.

8/31/01

I'm slowing getting the hang of the big university thing. I just finished my first week of class. Let's see... managed to miss only 2 classes, and only tripped going UP the stairs in front of a guy once. Not a bad record for me :) So, what else is good/new for me? Well, the hair is growing pretty well. And I've got some fuzz growing back all chunky and of one half of my radation site on the back of my head. Well, atleast I cant see it, so that's good, hee hee hee. It still makes me wonder if all those people behind me wonder if I shave the back of my head, or what..... I'll keep um guessing! AND, I dont know if it's because I am walking sooooooooooooo much more then I was before (but if it's walking, why is it in my hands too?) but I get this buzzy feeling, like when your leg goes to sleep, or you hit your elbow wrong in my feet and hands sometimes. Like I'll be sitting in class, or at my first football game (Which we won!) or even right now, and it burns/buzzes in my feet. What is that? Is that like neuropathy? I never really paid much attention to our emails about it, and maybe I should have. It's really annoying, so I'll talk to the onc. when I'm back at thanksgiving. And, now I am currently a student at Washington State U. GO COUGS! Pretty exciting, eh? I'm living in an apartment, which is up this long a** hill on the otherside of the campus. It's pretty nice, I just need to go get some posters or something. My rooms a tad blank (Any decorating ideas, anyone?), but I'm loving it! It's that or I'm sooo desperate to have a life again.... ask me around finals time.

8/30/01

I would like to take time this lovely morning to tell you about my peice de resistaonce! Yes, not only have I manage to miss 2 classes this week, but, I topped it all off yesterday afternoon! I was heading to the CUB to go to a transfer student reception. I had just spent the last couple of hours hanging out with Cassie doing math homework. Exciting eh"? Anyway, I noticed that it was 6:30, which was the time the thing started, so I said I had to go, and starting the long ass walk to get the the building. Any way, since it was late in the day, not too many people were out. As I headed up about 7 flights of stairs (there is a hella lot of stairs here) I notice a guy behind me, but pretty far off, and no body else. So I head up the stairs, one step at a time. I was doing pretty good. Abbout the time I hit the 6 level my legs started to burn just a tad, so I slowed down some. That appearently gave the guy behind me plenty of time to catch up to me, about one flight behind. ANYWAY, I was almost to the top of #6 when I tripped going UP the stairs. This wasn't an easy recovery trip either. I crashed onto my hands, scraping both palms, and somewho manage to flip my backpack full of crap up and hit myself in the head with it. Oh, and don't forget that girly little ekkk I let out. Oh yeah, dead sexy. So, what do you do when that happens you may ask. First you go shit, that hurt. AND then you remember there is someone behind you, wonderful. I guess I kinda worried the guy, since he sped up a few steps and asked me if I was ok. Mentally, I thought to myself "I forgot to pick up my leg" But I knew that would sounds really really stupid, so I didn't say that.....no I had much more in plan. Remember only about 2 seconds passed between me crashing and what I did next... Yes, I flipped my back pack off my head, hopped up with speed, and in the actions of Molly Shannon/Mary Cathrine Gallager, placed both hands high in the air (not quite as high as "superstar" but still pretty high, and said "I'm good" Oh yeah, that didn't look retarded at all. I then turned around, holding my poor scrapped up hands, and took off full speed ahead up the 2 more flights of stairs I had left.

8/8/01

I called this Mon. to set up my appnt. to go over scans with my onc. Tues., while I'm at the fair, the NP calls, and talks to mom. They (Dr's, ect) aren't sure what to make of the lighing up on my scan, and the tumor board doesn't meet until the 14th, so they want me to get a PET scan, ASAP, since I have like only 10 days till I'mm off to school. (I wanted the PET more the the gallium, but no, just the gallium... and now look, I still have to get the PET, hee hee, I win!) So, once again, while I'm at the fair, the office calls and takes to mom. My appnt. is friday, at the "butt crack" of dawn, thank you sooo much! Also, for all those who followed my story about possibly going into menapause early.... found out what caused it. Turns out that after looking at my CT scans I had some "hurkin" (Libby term for large) ovarian cysts that have seems gone down. Dang, I wanted it all to be over :) As for county fair, it's fun. I've got 3 more days till its done. As for the count down, nine days until I leave for school! Can you tell I'm excited!

7/23/01

I had a wonderful time in CA.! It was awesome too meet everyone, sit and chat, and even be surprized by the group (I am not walking in front of Paul with a camera, that was sneeky!!!!) My dad and I went back to D-land after the group dinner, and walked around till it got really late, then headed over to downtown disney. The house of blues had a huge line, so I celebrated turning the big 2-1 at the rain forest cafe (very cool place!) Then we went back to the hotel and crashed. We flew out at 9:46 pm on Sunday, got in at the airport right around midnight, and then drove home. Of course, I had to check my email, and by 3am I had gotten through the 700 messages to clean out :) So, today was a nice day to sleep in and make up for all the walking I did. Also, it turns out that the Onc. office had changed thier minds, and moved my follow up scans to TOMMORROW! I didn't think I would be going in until after Aug 8th, but nope, tommorrow I get CT, x-ray, PFT and echo, then back on thursday for gallium. Holy smokes, that was sort of a surprize to come back to! So, I'm not sure how well I'll sleep tonight (not due to panic, just excited to be able to say I'm in remmisson earlier then I thought!) And, I'm re-bleaching my "chick fuzz" as we speak.

7/11/01

I'm a bad girl, I'm bleaching my stubby hair as I type this, but if it falls out or gets too crispy, I'll just shave it off and try again, hee hee! It's only about 1/4 of an inch, maybe? I had fun in Pullman, and my "alive" session. My parents paid $105 buck so I could walk my a** off! The elevation is high in Pullman, plus it was 90+, plus did I mention that on my campus you can walk up a hill in ANY direction. I think I'll be a buff chick after a year there! Even with all the walking it was a blast. I had the shortest hair of anyone there, including guys :) And, I got my student ID card which is the picture for the yearbook, and the ID card is supposed to be your ID card for the whole time you are there. The great baldieen!! Eck! I just went and washed this stuff out of my hair. I was thinking about what my hair will look like in a few months (brown with blonde tips, thats my plan) Right now it's sort of Susan Powder'ish. Wasn't that the diet lady with the short bleached hair. Well, atleast all you HD list people will know who I am at Cali. dreamin, hee hee! Well, I've registared for classes, so I'm now even more pumped about school then before!!! I need to go pack, we are leaving Sat. morning!!! I wired, and have the hair to prove it!

6/19/01

Hey All! I'm wired tonight!!! Busy running around the house tonight, cooking dinner, setting up a itinerary for Ca Dreamin', checking emails, ect.... Why, might you ask, am I going a hundred miles an hour? Well, tommorrow is my LAST day of radation!!!!!!! I will be done as of tommorrow, so I want to know, when can I say I am in remission? Can I place an order for my club remmission chair yet? Can you beilive it? Januray 12th I was told I have hd, and now it's June 19th....and I am almost done! Time goes fast when your having fun, hee hee hee. So what is the verdict, can I say I am in remission, or do I have to wait for my next scans? Club remission, one way or another, here I come! And, I would love to request a purple glittery bean bag chair for myself, or maybe a hammock, since they are comfortable, and I paln on hanging out there for a while!!!!!

6/10/01

Just wanted to let you know that I dyed my hair (ha, if that is what you call this peach fuzz I have!) It was coming in blonde and brown, and I wanted to see how much was really there, so now it's RED! It looks like I have this red haze floating around on my head, I'll get pics. for the webpage. That and my eyebrows are growing in, but the hairs are still under the skin, so I look like I have blue eyebrows, very stylish with red hair :) On a side note....I have the WORST sore throat ever! It feels like when I had the mouth sores that put me in the hospital, except it is in my throat. The Rads. Dr gave me a script for magic mouth wash, but I'm pretty sure that the pharm. didn't put the numbing stuff in it. It does numb at all, and taste like really crappy cherry liquid, yuck. The mouth wash I had for my mouth sores numbed your mouth, but you weren't supposed to swallow it. This stuff you swallow, but it doesnt do any good. Any suggestions? I wont be done with rads until June 20th, and I dont know how long I can live off watermelon.

6/7/01

OH MY GOSH!!!!! I got my port out on tuesday, what a horror story! I hope I dont freak too many people out with my story. I was expecting some good la la drugs, and somewhat no memory of the proceedure. Hardy har har, I still start to sweat a little when I tell my friends what was involved. ANYWAY, here's my story, eck! I go in that morning at 9:45 am for my rads. session, no problems with that. Then I head over to my grandparents house to hang out for a little while, because I have to head back to the hospital to be there at 1:30 pm. We went to the dollar store (where EVERYTHING is a dollar, wether it is worth it or not). I got a new princess crown and magic wand :) SOOOOOO, then we head over to the office on the fifth floor, where I had never been before. I do the check in thing, and wait a while, and then the tech lady walks me and my mom to the "room". It was like a glorified closet with a dentist chair in the middle of the room. That should have been a sign! So, the tech lady tells me to put the gown on backwards, and the Dr will be in in a little bit. So, on goes the sexy little gown, and then waiting, and waiting, and some more waiting. I whip out the camera and take some pics of the room, and my mom takes some of me, and the last moments of my port in me. So, then the Dr comes in. Da-da-da, nice lady and everything, but still, after what she has to do to me, scarey music comes to mind. OH, and I didn't put on ANY emla cream since I wasn't sure what was going to be invloved with this. I was out when it was put in. So, back to the story... she tells me that she is going to inject some numbing stuff into the area around the port, and that will be the worst part of the whole proceedure, since it stings a little. Then she has me lay down in the low rider dentist chair, and scrubs my chest with bedadine. NOW for the really great part! Did I mention that I had no emla cream on? She proceeds to stab me in the freakin' boob 8-10 times with the needle to numb it. Holy Crap, that was bad! I got all sweaty and pale! I couldn't see what was going on, but owch!!!!!!! So then she waits a few seconds for it to go numb, and proceeds to cut a hole on the area to pull the port out. Well, one part wasn't quite numb enough yet, so I say OUCH!!!! So out comes that needle again to numb me up some more. (Please just pass out I was wishing!) So then she keeps making the cut a little bigger, and then starts the tugging and pressure of trying to open the pocket of scar tissue around my port to get it out. That is all going well when she hits a bleeder! I feel it start dripping down my neck, and she ask my mom to call for a tech, as she's mashing her finger in my chest to stop the bleeding. So then another Dr comes in to help. Most of the time my mom is taking picture, so this should be really interesting to see, anyway... So they get the bleeder to stop (and for some odd reason I still have not passed out). Then they work on getting the tube lose that feed up by my shoulder, only it didn't want to come out, so that invloved a LOT of tugging. Finally the tube comes out, so now for the port. It was sort of like a little c-section on my boob for the port. More tugging and it pops out. Then the Dr. stiches me up, cleans off all the blood, and puts on a water proof bandaid. I was coated in sweat, and all my muscles where TIGHT! I though I would pass out when I stood up, but I didn't, yippie for me! SOOOO, can we say "pain pills"? My whole left side of my chest is very sore, and it's thursday. What was up with that? Then I saw my Onc. NP yesterday, and told her what all went on with my removal, and her eyes got big! She had no idea that's how they where going to do it for me! That was the scaryist thing I have ever done! Then to top it all off my rads. are done with my hands above my head, so that means I have to strech my arms up, which my chest doesn't like to do right now! I walk around like a chicken, with my left arm tucked up:) So, that's what I have been up to. My port now sits in a clean pee cup on the counter in the kitchen, for all to admire:) And, it turns out that mine was a plasitic port, so I wouldn't have set off any metal decectors or anything:( I just wanted to let you all know I finished week 1 of my rads, and all is going well! I've got dry mouth going on, and the skin on my back is a little sore, but not red yet! I've been re-named by my family! I am no longer uncle fester, or fester, but now...... ta-da! Princess Waffle Head! But alas, princess waffle head only last for about 30 mins after my rads treatment, then it's back to uncle fester. I had a wonderful weekend! Friday night and most of Sat. I spent at a camp for training to be a companion at "Camp quality", a camp for kids with cancer. Go check out thier website, it explains it better then I can. www.campqualityusa.org Go surf the site, it's got a lot of info and links to some of the camps. I excited to go, it sounds like it is going to be wonderful! The camp I'll be at is held July 28 -Aug. 4th, so I'll go to CA. dreamin', then camp, then off to college! So that was friday and sat., then today I went to the Portland, OR. area 2001 Cancer Surviors Day. That was fun too! I bought one of the shirts, met a lot of wonderful people, got my picture taken by a lot of people I didn't know :) It's my bald head, it attracts people!!!!! I had a ton of cancer surviors come up and say how much they loved my head (covered in a lot of butterfly tatoos of course!) and how they had wished they had the courage to go out in public bald.....you know what? Most of the time, unless I see a lot of people staring at me, or I see my reflection, I forget that I lack hair :)! Also, when we registared before we came in, all the surviors got a pin that said "I am a cancer survior" and you filled in the blank with how long you had been. There was a long line of people, and there I am trying to think what I should put down, since I am in treatment now, so I couldn't put down how many days or years yet, so I wrote "Daily" in my blank spot. Seems very fitting, since we all are daily surviors.

6/3/01

Sorry I haven't updated in a while! Some day I will find a better set up for my update page, and re-do this part. I'll have to go thru my emails I sent out and paste them here so you can see how my last few months have been (but I'm not going to do that tonight, hee hee!) Just a small update, until I get some time and energy to update this the right way! I have been done with chemo, ahhhh, what a wonderful word that is, DONE! Since about April 29th? I will have to go look. Last tuesday I started my first radation treatment! The end is getting near, and even some tiny hairs are growing!

5/28/01

Ok, tommorrow is the big day...I start my rads.!!! As far as I have been told, I am getting 17 cookings, and then we'll go from there. I did the simulation thing last friday, that was fun, but it was just a tad drafty in that room (no thongs involved). I got to see the blocks ? for my treatment, and had to lay on the table while the tech went and re-adjusted one of the pieces. Then they drew on me with a pretty purple marker pen, very sexy I must say! I'm getting cooked from the front and back, mantle shaped, and I can't wait! Well, I'm bringing the camera tommorrow, I'll have pics to go online of everything! One last note, on Sat. I worked at a local art festival, selling lily bulbs, but since it was an art festival, I felt I should do something artistic with my still bald head (hey, when does the hair start growing back in?) so I had my sister put 24 butterflies on my head. It looked very cool, and I several newspaper people taking pics of my head, which got on the front page of the Clark county section of the sunday paper. I even had a little old lady go home and get her video camera to get a shot of my head, because she LOVES butterflies. How's that for weird?

5/15/01

Had my simulation radation thingy yesterday, that was a blast! Anyway, the lady made the back/body support, which was sort of fun :) She mixed two chemicals together, then poured it in a garbage sack that had been taped up, and then had me lay on top of it. It got hot, and then started to grow up around me! Then I got the mask made. They used a blue plastic mesh looking stuff that they get hot under water, and then they smash it on your face and lock you in to some head contraption, except that my bald head sort of stuck to the neck support thing, so there I am, laying on the table, with the Dr and tech trying to move my head around, and I'm trying to tell them that my head is stuck, very intersting..... Then, the tech lady drew some dots on my with the help from some lazers and x-rays, and then I got tatoo'ed. I've got 4 dots now on my chest, and two are in the breast/armpit? skin/fat/muscle area, and they FREAKIN" ache today!!!!!!!!!!!! Remind me not to get a tatoo there later in life. She put black ink on me, then stabbed me with a fresh needle, owch, and a little bloody. So, in a little while I go back to have a CT scan where they will use my support and mask thingy. And I have to drink the crappy barium white stuff, and I dont get to eat breakfast, and my appnt. isn't until noon, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I want some food, barium doesnt count!

5/4/01

Hey all, long time, no email, from me that is. Anyway, spent a lovely 5 days in the hosptial for a fever, along with a lovely "text book case" of mouth sores, herpes? I can't remember...anyway, all over the sides of my tongue and the back of my throat. So, I got put on this really nice machine that give you really nice drugs continalously (sp?), BUT, it also has a magic button you can press to give you MORE drugs if you need it, but only ever ten mintues or you'll over dose, cuz that's bad. So, at my hospital, a fever means two days of fluids and antibotic, plus you have to be able to go 24 hours with out a fever to go home. Can you tell I wasn't able to do that? Plus, as a side note, did you know that if you are on too many antibotic, it kills the good bugs that live in your guts, but that some times, when this happens, one of the good bugs says "HEY, party time, I've got all this space to myself!!!!!" Another side note, if you have seen the movie "dumb and dumber, you'll under stand where I am coming from! Long story short, after having to attempt to "go potty" in some contraption that looks like a demented cowboy hat, and waiting for the results, my Dr comes in all excited cuz some bug cultured out, so now they can give me a drug to treat that (at that point Libby hits that little magic button I was talking about earlier) Now the story gets good!!!!!! SO i'm on one antibotic for the fever, one for the mouth sores, and the good drugs for pain....so the nurse brings me a syringe full (2 tbsp.) of a clear liquid, the antibotic for the gut bugs having the party... did you know that they can accually package the flavor of "ass" as a medication? Add a hint of mint, and they think it will go down easier!!!!!! Hardy har har. I asked them if it comes in pill form, I would choke down 10-20 pill then try to swallow this stuff, and the nurse say no. SO, after having 5 doses of this stuff, and a switch in nurses, I tell my new nurse that there is a LARGE chance that the dose she handed me will not be staying down for long. She ask if I'd would like to see if it come in pill form. I said the other nurse said it didn't, but I would love for her to ask....guess what....it comes in pill form!!!!! What else, besides me clicking my magic button, cuz I'm going crazy. Well, for some reason Libby like to get fevers that are 103. something in the night, so I keep getting stuck there, and now they are weaning me off my happy drugs, so I'm stuck asking for benadryll IV, so that watching the price is right isn't as bad as I think it is. That and I'm getting a ton of fluids, so I'll I do is pee and sleep...... when the Dr's decide to give Libby her LAST dose of chemo while we are at it!!!!!!!What else can I dump in my body? Couple of bags of blood where added to the list by the end.. So here I am, DONE with chemo, and I party if I had the srenght, but I'm weak, and it's makes me feel like a dork (I could buck hay at one time!)but I know the I'll get stronger as I go along. I just needed to vent the hospital stay, but I'm happy to have had the last of the chemo. I have to make an appnt. to see the rads. dr, but I'm getting towards the end!!!!!!! For those who aren't done yet, don't panic, you'll make it! I did, missing eye lashes and all. It's been kinda nice, I have a chemo tan, and have lost weight, but my eyebrows are in need of some seroius help! My mom picked me up at the hospital, and it was a wonderful day out side, and sunny! And I got in the car, and sat down, buckled up of course, and as we started to drive out of the parking structure, and we came to the opening that lead out, you could see the light from the sun, and the blue sky, and the flowers, and all that mushy crap, and I started crying, I know, it's stupid, but the light at the end of my tunnel was at the end of a stupid parking structure!!!! My mom wanted to know what was wrong? Was I glad to be out of the hospital, yes of course, but it had finally hit me... MY LAST DOSE OF CHEMO WAS OVER!!!! It's been a tough road, but I thank all who have been there for support, anyone who as answered questions, everything!!!! I know I'm not quite done yet, but light is sure getting brighter!!!!

3/20/01

More of my emails I've sent out, so I don't have to type it twice! Today was day two of my week long chemo, and I'm still feeling pretty good! Anyway, I just wanted to say that my PET scan results were back in......drum roll please..... and they are showing a vast inprovments! The lump in my neck didn't glow, and there was just minor glowing in my chest (where the bigger lump was)! There was glowing in my left deltoid, which hadn't been glowing before, but the PET people thought it might be some reaction to an injection? even though I haven't had one there? SOOOO, we'll just keep an eye on that spot. The dr's didn't feel anything there, so they said to just watch it. So, I'm excited! I'm noy feeling too barfy, and I'm whoopin' on the HD! I hope everyone is doing okay, and keeping upbeat as they can! I wore my sisters bug pants (yes, she made them her self, and they have big bugs on them) to keep me up beat, and I keep reminding myself that I am half way there! Oh, and we had a sunny day today, which was wonderful!!! It felt good to let the sun shine on my little bald head (but only for a little while!)!

3/15/01

I'm getting pretty lame at updating this, but when your tired, the last thing you want to go do is work on a web page....Anyway, here is a note that I emailed out about being 1/2 WAY DONE!!!!!!Got home from my pet scan, pretty exciting day, laying on a skinny little table for 2 hours. Although, I took it all in a good sign! It only took the tech one stab to get my IV in (instead of 3 like last time) so that has to be a sign!!! And, when we got home, my chemo angel had sent a package! So, like I said, I'm in a wonderful mood! I'm drinking this lovely mixture of ice, lime water, tangerine and lime carbonated water, strawberry koolaid, and cit-ra-cell (I dont know how to spell it). Getting all ready for chemo next week I guess, since it's a five day'er. Oh, and eatting this cheap brand of cheese crackers. Good thing I'm not in a barfy mood, or it would look like a sunset. EWWWWW nasty!!!! I hope everyone else is having a good day, or atleast as good as it gets (which, by the way, is a good movie too!!!)

2/20/01

Today was day 2 of week 1 in cycle 2 of chemo. (That's just a little confusing isn't it?) Today went fairly well. I got zofran IV before we even got started on chemo, and didn't get sick until I was leaving the building. (reminder...do not eat a super prenzel with mustard for breakfast, very painful to barf, especially out your nose) Mom and I even went food shopping afterwards. I'm still feeling pretty good, but I have to make sure to get my zofran every 4 hours or I do get sick. This has all been a "learn as you go" expernce, so by the last treatment, we should have this down.

2/3/01

This is an email I sent out after getting home from the hospital stay. It tell you about all the fun I had, Hee Hee! You cant go to the hospital (even for a few days) when you belong to this list :) I just spent a couple hours sorting thru all my emails (yes, 424 emails), and feel like I should update on what I have been up to lately. I think the last time I emailed was the night I was sick from my first day of chemo. Well, I made it thru the first week of the cycle, feeling pretty yucky, and having to get fluids on the second day due to dehydration. Then I had my 8 days off of chemo (week 2 of cycle 1). That went fairly well, until about Sat. night when I couldn't get to sleep because of a headache. Sunday morning my headache had gone to a migraine, and I spent 11 hours asleep on my parents water bed. Around 8pm I woke up, still with the migraine, and decided to drink some gatoraid, which shortly came back up. So then my mom tries to get me to have a lime popcicle (since I haven't had anything to drink all day), which also promptly came back up. All that I managed to do was barf burning stuff out my nose (ewww), so I tried to get some more sleep (still have an extreme migrain) but it was restless and broken. The next day, Monday the 5th, I am supossed to go in to start week 3 of cycle 1 of my chemo. My mom didn't have to wake me up, because I didn't get any sleep. I gave up at 7am, and went and sat on the floor of the shower crying for 1/2 hour because my head hurt so much, and now light was bothering me. We get all loaded up, and just before we leave the house, mom takes my temp., which was 99.8. So, then I get to the office (and this is were I don't remeber things well, and have to go by what my mom told me) and eveyone knows that something is wrong with me. I get on the scale, and I had lost several pounds in only two days. They put me in a room, and bring in a desk lamp so that the light wont bother me (I can't even open my eyes now). I finally get to sleep on the table after they get a blood sample and hook me up to fluids. I guess they came and talked to my mom after the results got back, letting her know that my WBC had dropped a ton, and that I needed fluids big time. So, at some point it time, I get loaded in a wheel chair and taking over to the ped. unit of the hospital. I'm all sweaty, and have the chills due to the fever I have, and once again, head off to sleep in the hopsital bed. Mom had to answer all the questions, and they kept waking me up to have me answer questions, and hook me up to mointers, and exciting things like that (remember, I have been a very health 20 y/o, and NEVER spent a night in the hospital) So the doctors are poking and tapping (I had no reflexes in my legs or arms with the rubber hammer thing the night I was admitted). I guess it was getting late, but you couldn't pry my eyes open, and they came in and said that I was getting a blood tranfusion. Yippie for me, as I later find out I LOVE BLOOD! They put in the first unit over 4 hours (at which my mom went home around 11:00pm) and then gave me some antibotics, and then another unit over another 4 hours. They would wake me up for the basic tests (BP, HR, ect) and I would crash to sleep again. I was getting Antibiotics every 8 hours, fluids all the time, plus tylenol 3, zantac, benadryl, the list goes on...... Tuesday I woke up feeling better! I still had an extreme head ache, but not as icky as I felt monday. I still felt pretty barfy (and the staff would bring me a nice greasy meal, like chicken nuggets to excite my appitite) and weak. I got a ton of fluids, and more antibotics that day, slowly improving over the day. My mom came back, and as I was takling to her, I ran my fingers in my hair (because it was all nasty from my fever), and pull out a huge wad of hair with it! When the hair starts going, it really goes! I didn't freak out, but it was gross. Soon I had hair all over the room, and my pillow, me, and I couldn't help but to pull more out. I was able to get unhooked from my IV for a little bit to take a shower, figuring that I would wash all the loose hair out, HA HA HA! Looked like a small animal died in the shower, it just kept coming and coming and coming! So, I decided to make the best of it, and re-do my hair style, by pulling out the parts I didn't like :) As I was starting to feel fairly good (still had a pretty good head ache going on) a nurse came in to give me another antibotic. She did it in a qiuck push, which knocked me to my knees (except I was in bed) My migraine came back, I got barfy, it was nasty. It took me a while to start feeling good again (so I feel barfy, and they bring me Mac and chesse, with green beans on the side, YUCKY!)More fluids (I'm peeing a ton! and one antibotic apparently comes out in your pee as a "wonderful" HA! smell. That was nasty too) and now they know to give me the Antibitotics over atleast 1/2 hour so I don't get sick. That was really the end of my excitment for the hospital, I spent the rest of the night as a repete of the day (fluids, antib, fluids, antib.) I woke up feeling pretty good, so all the Dr's and differnet people wanted to talk to me. One set up an appnt. to go see a nuerologist about my headaches and neck and shoulder pain, another person came and talked about a cancer book that I needed to go thru, the social work came and talked about different groups to get involved with, and if I was okay with the hair going (as I sat there spitting it out of my mouth and fishing it out of my jello.). I had a busy day. I was released later that day (it's weds. now) and went home and took another shower to get the hair off me. I did have a little fun with it falling out though.... my younger brother (he's 19) asked if it was falling out, so I just grabbed a handful and pulled! He came over to me, and I handed him the handful, and he just had this look on his face (hee hee hee). Anyway (I know, this email is long, but alas, I must get this story down on paper) after my little sister came home from her college class, my family had a shaving party! My dad, brother, and me are now smooth headed. The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. I just rested a lot. I was excited because at the hospital they told me that I wouldn't have to go back to the clinic until next week, but they call up on thursday to tell nme that I have to come in friday for my chemo. I had just started to feel good, and had eatten a meal (I don't think I have eatten that well for 3 weeks), so i got all bummed, but then decided to make the best of it. I didn't have to go in until 1pm, so I ate breakfast, and then my mom decorated my head with a bunch of purple and pink glitter tatoos of butterflies to go with my sweater. Atleast I would look good, was my thought. My blood was drawn, and I was given my chemo, but i didn't start feeling bad until today:). I also go to see my blood work results and my WBC count was up, but still low. I was able to eat dinner, and on Sat, I went out and had my new shiney head all decorated with hearts for a valentine pictures with my dog:) It was pet portait day at the vet clinic I work at. I mainly just sat around today, drinking fluids, and not feeling so good until a few hours ago. So, that is what I have been up to. On tues, I go see the neurologist, and I am also to check back with the onc. to see if they have gotten me in for some doppler scan that they want done on my biopsy site (I haven't slept well, or a whole night thru, since the surgrey due to neck and shoulder pain). That,and I have sarted to work on a web page so people can see me, and what I have been up to! If you read this all, Thank you! It was long, but good to vent all my thoughts and tell my story!

Email: Charming12u@yahoo.com