Yamazaki leaned on the railing and gazed up into the cloudy gray sky; he had been on the balcony through the night and now it was morning. 'Today, Ayame is coming back from the hospital...' he told himself, 'You can't be like this when she gets here... it wouldn't be fair. Get yourself together...'
But he was fast falling apart. Trembling in the crisp autumn air, the memory of last night's events kept coming to mind...
* * * * * * * *
"Dammit," uttered Kazuma as Yoneda drove them towards the battle site, "They predicted that the demons would attack - but that was two weeks off. And with the conditions getting colder, we thought for sure the attacks would lessen... Once again the enemy has outsmarted us."
Yamazaki poked his head up front. "I think they're targeting the area just because the spiritual energy is low there and they can easily use it as a strategic fort. Unfortunately, it's a neighborhood of row houses... I don't think the military or cops can evacuate it in time."
"Taihen da!" Yoneda gasped as they closed in on the site, "They've already torched the place. It's gonna be tough with just the three of us, but we've gotta work fast."
As soon as he stopped the jeep, the trio leapt out to meet the crowds of civilians rushing down the street in the opposite direction. Demons were marching down the walkways, blasting buildings and anything in their way.
"The way they are attacking - it's a pattern. I think someone is actually controlling them," Kazuma noted, "This time, the enemy is going show themselves."
"Taisa," Yamazaki brought to his attention that there were some people still stuck in one of the burning apartments two buildings over. "I'll go; you two can take care of the enemy."
"I know I can count on you, Shinnosuke." he replied, "Don't worry about us old guys. We'll take down all the demons and find out who's behind this."
Yamazaki nodded and drew his sword, turning for the apartment on the left - while the others fought the demon army in the cross intersection. Slicing through a couple that was in his way, Yamazaki burst through a window and entering the fiery home. Climbing the stairs, he found the old woman and children he had seen screaming in the window. Having the kids hold onto his back and taking the grandmother by the hand, he cautiously led them down through the flames. But when they finally got outside, they were surrounded by demons.
"Dammit," he uttered, releasing the kids and moving in front of them and grandma. Stabbing his sword into the ground, he concentrated with all his might. Shards of ice burst all around them, killing all of the demons.
"SUGOI, ONIICHAN!" gasped the kids. He smiled slightly while leading them in the direction of safety. After making sure they got out of the danger, Yamazaki turned back to the battle scene. Up ahead, he saw that most of the demons were already defeated. But when he passed an alley, he saw a woman lying on the ground, calling for help.
"Daijoubu kai??" he asked, rushing to her assistance. Her face was bleeding; it looked like a demon had bit her. "Don't worry... We'll get you to a doctor, and..."
Suddenly, she started laughing - her voice a man's. Her form then changed into a nymph-like man in a flowing cloak. "Fool," he uttered, rising up in the air with a sword appearing in his hand, "This is where you die!"
Yamazaki quickly dodged the first attack and then went to counter. When his sword crashed down, the nymph disappeared and teleported behind him going to swipe at him. Yamazaki tumbled out of the way and blocked the next attack. Blade riding up against blade, they struggled to overpower the other. Eventually the nymph won, thrusting forward to send Yamazaki slamming against the wall. He then teleported in front, holding up the blade. Yamazaki stared up at him, his sword too far to reach - there was no escape.
"Now... I want to hear you beg for your life... you pitiful human... Beg like dog!" demanded the nymph. Yamazaki couldn't do anything, but stare and tremble. Impatient, the nymph prepared to kill him. "DIE!!!"
His mouth then erupted with blood. Behind him, Kazuma had slashed across his back. The enemy collapsed onto the ground into a pool of red as Kazuma shook the blood off his blade. "Shinnosuke... are you hurt?"
"T-Taisa... It's hot... but I'm shaking... I can't stop..."
Kazuma pulled the boy into a hug, "Don't worry... everything will be all right. The battle is over. Let's go home."
Yamazaki closed his eyes, shaking his head. 'Still I...'
* * * * * * * * *
"Oi oi!!" Yoneda caught Yamazaki when he was leaving the balcony, "Kazuma and Kaede-chan left to get your sweetheart from the hospital. They'll be here any minute! You look like a mess!!"
"So?" he grumbled, going down the stairs with the old guy on his trail. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror; he was a mess. Still wearing the same clothes from the night before - he was without a tie and his shirt wasn't buttoned all the way up. Grabbing his coat, he headed for the door. "I'm going for a walk."
"N-Nan de?!" Yoneda exclaimed, grabbing his arm, "Yamazaki, didn't you hear me? Ayame will be arriving very soon. You didn't visit her at all when she was in the hospital last week; the least you can do is greet her when she gets home. You know you're the one she wants to see most."
Yamazaki tore himself away. "I'm going for a walk!" With that, he left.
"Aitsu..." Yoneda sighed, watching him disappear down the street, "Ever since the accident..."
* * * * * * * * *
"Sou desu ka..." Ayame sat between her sister and Kazuma in a cab headed for home. "How did they die, Taichou?"
Kazuma replied, "Rika-san died instantly from the explosions backstage, and Tanaka-kun broke his neck when he fell... I'm sorry... We didn't want to tell you until you fully recovered."
"I understand..." she said, sadly lowering her eyes, "Rika-san to Tanaka-san... I can't believe they're gone... Was anyone else hurt?"
"Besides you, the other injuries were mostly burns from the steam that had gotten out of control. Nothing serious."
Ayame thoughtfully took this in, biting her lip at the costs from the event that had taken place over a week ago. She then lifted a face full of concern. "Is Yamazaki-san... is he all right...?"
"Neesan," Kaede quickly snatched her hand and grumbled, "Don't bother with that guy."
"Kaede-san..." Ayame uttered, wondering what had gotten into her sister; she had been cheerful all morning until now. Shrugging it off, Ayame tried to keep the positive mood. "I'm so glad to be coming home."
Yoneda stood outside the house waiting for them. "Okaeri, Ayame-chan!" he chimed as Kazuma held open the door and he helped her out of the cab, "Just because you're out of the hospital, doesn't mean you've fully recovered. Take it easy from here on. We'll wait on you like a princess!"
"Arigatou gozaimasu," she replied, as he led her into the house, "Jaa... Yamazaki-san wa?"
"Oh... ano yarou... Once I mentioned you were coming home today, he took into a run. He was either acting shy or needed to get you a gift. I really don't understand that kid sometimes."
"How has he been?" she asked, the two of them going down the hallway with Kaede trailing; Kazuma had rushed off to answer the phone. "Has he been eating and sleeping all right? I've been worrying about him since I haven't seen him this whole time."
"Heh, you know him... moody as ever. Since the accident, he's been a bit quieter, but still very bad-tempered... And, last night he ran into some trouble with the enemy. Taichou got him out of the jam, but afterwards he stayed out on the balcony and moped."
"Sou ka..." Ayame uttered, the three of them stopping in a room and going to sit down, "I hope he comes back soon. I want really want to hear his voice. I missed him so much..."
"Neesan!" Kaede jolted at her, unable to take it anymore. "Forget about him! I already told him to stay away from you, so you don't have to deal with him ever again!"
"Ka... Kaede-san!" Ayame faced her sister and gave her a firm look, "I can't believe you did such a thing - You had no right!"
"Datte!! It was that jerk's fault you got hurt! I-I could have lost you!" she exclaimed emotionally, "I don't care about anything else... just you, Neesan!!"
"Kaede-san," Ayame said more softly as she took the girl by the shoulders, "Arigatou for being protective of me... but, don't blame Yamazaki-san - it was accident. He had no control over what happened and I'm sure he was hurt by it as well."
"Oniisan..." Kaede uttered, gazing at the floor, "He has been sad these past days and I've been so mean to him... I guess I was wrong to tell him those things, but he was the one who made you do it... because of him, you..."
"Iie, he didn't make me - I chose to. Yamazaki-san was against the idea of me being the test subject, but I wanted to do something for him."
"You'd risk your life for Oniisan? Would you die for Oniisan?"
Ayame smiled and reached to hug her sister. "I'd give up my life for the ones I love. I admit I was lucky to have survived this time, but without another thought I would do all that it takes to protect you all. You and Yamazaki-san mean that much to me."
"Oh Neesan!" Kaede cried, covering her face into her shoulder, "I'm just so glad you're all right!"
Yoneda grinned as the two made up and quietly left the room. Kazuma was standing out in the hallway. "Nan da? What's with that look on your face?" he asked as they faced each other in the dim hall, "Kazuma..."
"That was Takamura," the man uttered gravely, "The tests are back from the lab... I was right about her..."
* * * * * * * *
Yamazaki shivered as he crossed an intersection. Tucking his hands into his coat, he hurried down the street - pushing in the opposite direction of the moving crowds. 'The summer has ended... The days are
getting colder... and shorter...'
He paused to glance at the clock on a business building. By now, he knew the others had arrived back and were wondering about him. 'Ayame...' Leaning against a street post, he wished he could hold her and forget everything. 'But I can't... I can't just forget it... These things happen for a reason... I have to deal with it.'
After scolding himself for a good minute, he prepared to turn back. But then, he saw in the window a very familiar face. 'Sonna...' His eyes fixated on this person, he entered the smoky bar and started to move to where a group of military men were hanging out. His approach slowed, his focused eyes burning with anger. 'That bastard...'
"Aa! Yamazaki!" chimed Yagami, getting up from his seat and tossing aside an empty bottle, "Nice of you to drop by! We were just talking about you..." Facing the glare from Yamazaki, he put a wide drunken smile. "And that little slut of yours."
"URESAI!!!" Yamazaki lunged at him, slamming him into the wall and strangling him, "YOU BASTARD! TAKE THAT BACK!"
Everyone in the bar got up from their seats and watched in amazement. "Ya... Yamero...!!" Yagami gagged, tearfully grasping onto the tighten hands around his neck, "I... beg of you... Spare my life...!"
This woke Yamazaki from his fury, making him realize his actions. Slowly he loosened his hold, dropping the panting Yagami onto the floor. "Sorry..." he uttered, backing away - very shocked at himself at what he did. "Just stay away from Ayame and I won't bother you again." Bowing his head, he turned to leave.
"Is that the thanks I get, you ungrateful S.O.B?!" Yagami snapped, snagging a bottle and breaking it on Yamazaki's head. Yamazaki fell forward colliding with one of the soldiers, who responded by punching him in the face. As the military squad started to gang up on Yamazaki, the bar owner made an appeal for them not to mess up his bar. So they dragged Yamazaki out into the alley and finished their fun outside.
* * * * * * * *
It was evening when he returned. No one was there to greet him. It seemed like no one was home. Climbing the stairs, his body broken and beaten, Yamazaki limped to his room and shut the door. Swollen,
bleeding - he climbed into his futon...
"SHINNOSUKE!!!" The scene kept repeating; the dark shadow of an angry man standing over him.
Yamazaki's eyes quickly flickered open. He tearfully clutched at his blanket, trying to blot out the memory and the pain. "O... tou... sa...n..."
Awake or in his nightmares, the trembling wouldn't stop.
* * * * * * * * *
The next morning, Kaede stood outside his door. "Shitsureshimasu..." she uttered, slowly sliding the door open, "Ne, wake up, Sleepy-head. I want to talk to you..." Blinking, she realized that the dim room was empty, the futon folded in the corner but windows wide open. "Are? Oniisan...???"
Wondering where he had gone so early in the morning, she started to back out of the room, but something caught her eye. 'Eeeh?' Kneeling down, she picked up a stray shirt lying on the floor, 'Blood...?'
"KYAAAAAAA!!"
Kaede's screams got everyone else's attention and they came running from their rooms. "D-Doushitan desu ka?!" Ayame gasped, rushing to her sister while Kazuma lit a lamp. When there were enough light, Ayame saw the splatters of blood on the floor and clothing, her wide eyes in shock. "W-Where is Yamazaki-san?!"
"I don't know. He came home very late last night. I should've checked on him..." Kazuma uttered as Yoneda held onto a traumatized Kaede. Kazuma blew off his regrets and exclaimed, "Something bad has surely happened - I've got to find him!"
"Watashi mo!" Ayame insisted, going for the door. At the last moment, Yoneda snagged her by the wrist, "Nan desu ka?! I want to find Yamazaki-san right away!"
"You're still not up to full strength; it won't do any good to your health if you start running around the city." he reasoned, "We're all worried about Yamazaki... but we've got to do what's best right now."
"H-Hai..." she sighed; the reminder of her weakened condition coming to mind. Still, worry overtook her thoughts as she clenched her fists and stared at the evidence around her. "Demo... watashi..."
Kaede had been able to calm herself down and now concentrated on her sister with concern, "Neesan, I'll go look for you. You stay here with Ojisan. I'll find Oniisan and bring him home. Just like that time he found me..."
Ayame tearfully nodded her head. "Onegaishimasu," With that, Kaede and Kazuma rushed out the room. Ayame, overwhelmed with uneasy feelings, turned away from the bloodstains on the floor, closing her eyes. "Yamazaki-san..."
"Maa maa," Yoneda took the girl into his arms and patted her on the head. "Don't worry... I'm sure he's all right... Yamazaki will be coming home..." he said over and over, trying to convince himself as well.
* * * * * * * * *
"ONIISAAAN!!" Kaede called out. The park was deserted, but she had a hunch that he had gone to Ueno. Running ahead of Kazuma, she sped down the stone walkway - frantically scanning the area. "O... Oniisan...!" she gasped, spotting him at the viewpoint.
With his back to her, Yamazaki leaned against the railing, his gaze on the city. Kaede wondered if he had heard her as she started to walk towards him. From the side of his face, she saw the bandages and bruises. 'Oniisan... what happened to you...?' The look in his eyes was weary and sad.
"A-Are?!" Kaede then noticed that he held a gun at his side. "S-Shinguji-san!" she exclaimed, when Kazuma leapt out and tackled him to the ground. There was a slight struggle, but Kazuma managed to pry the gun from his hands. Kaede stumbled back in shock. "D-Doushite?!"
"It's empty..." Yamazaki said, still lying on the ground. Kazuma and Kaede exchanged looks, but Kazuma checked to make sure - and sure enough, there were no bullets inside. Yamazaki remained on his back, gazing up at the gray clouds. "I didn't even have the nerve... I'm too afraid of death; I'm too weak of a person to commit suicide properly. But after all I've done... I don't deserve to live."
"Sou ja nai," Kazuma said, tossing the gun aside and kneeling down to him, helping him sit up. He pulled him into a tight hug as he would do with his child back home. "Shinnosuke, don't say such things. It's not the truth." Yamazaki looked lost like a little child, covering his crying face into Kazuma's shoulder. "What happened at the presentation wasn't your fault. It was an accident. You wouldn't let people die..."
"Taichou, I'm not like you..." Yamazaki cut in, lifting his reddened eyes, "You and Ayame - you're the same. You'd sacrifice yourselves for the good of others. Ore... I couldn't... You can't count on me... I shouldn't be here..."
"Sou ja nai desu!!!" Kaede exclaimed, "Neesan wouldn't just love anyone! She chose you, Oniisan, because of your selflessness... your faithfulness... and your sincerity... Watashi mo... I don't want you to go away!"
"Kaede-kun," He put his hand to the side of her face. "Gomen..." Lowering his hand to his side, he turned and gazed towards the gun. "...Kaasan told me that she had nothing to live for, before she shot herself in the head. I... I have many things to live for... but right now... I am 'nothing'." His voice trailed off as he paused to wipe his eyes. "Please let me go, Taichou... Let me become something more valuable to the team."
"Shinnosuke..." Kazuma watched as Yamazaki struggled onto his feet and then lower his head into a bow. His face strained with exhaustion and pain as he pleaded with his eyes. Kazuma knew then that he only had one answer.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ayame sat waiting in his room; she couldn't move or go anywhere else. Yoneda had left to answer the phone. He stopped by and told her that they were on their way and that Yamazaki was all right. 'Yokkata desu...' she told herself, now walking back and forth anxiously, 'He'll be here any moment...'
Yamazaki stood in the doorway and watched her pace around the room for a good minute. Finally, he cleared his throat and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. Ayame skidded to a stop and turned towards him in surprise. "Ya... Yamazaki-san...!" she cried, running up to him and giving him a hug. Yamazaki cringed and collapsed in her arms. "D-Daijoubu desu ka?!?"
"Aa... Daijoubu..." he uttered, leaning his head onto her shoulder, "Iya.. usou... I'm really in pain."
Ayame quickly helped him into his chair and started to examine his wounds. He watched her silently, slowly reaching for her cheek. The soft touch got her attention and she captured his hand with hers, her gaze falling only on him.
"Ayame... I'm going to go away for a while."
"Eh?" She blinked at him and released his hand. "Go away? I don't understand..."
"I can't stay here like this... In pieces, like a broken toy... It's not fair to you or anyone else... We're all adults here and we all have to take responsibility for our actions and ourselves... I don't want to burden anyone."
"Yamazaki-san..." She put her hands on his shoulders and moved her face closer to his. "Is this about what happened? The accident wasn't your fault..."
"That's what you and Taichou believe," he replied, "And until I start believing too, I'm not that useful to the team."
"Demo! You can't go!"
Yamazaki put his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, blue eyes gazing up at her. "Ayame... you're going to do wonderful things for Teito... I believe that. You, Taichou and Yoneda ... you're all going to do just fine. I know you'll be all right..."
Ayame swiftly shook her head. "But, without you? I can't...!"
"Nothing is impossible." he replied, his smile shining with all the love he had, "I'm going to try hard and work this out... We'll be together again - I promise. But if it takes me too long and you're tired with the battles, look me up. This isn't goodbye, Ayame."
Sadly nodding her head, she tried to prolong their time together. Holding on tightly, she trailed kisses down his face and listened to soft words of comfort whispered in her ear. Naturally, she responded, "Yamazaki-san, I love you more than any--..." Ayame stopped herself without knowing why. But Yamazaki didn't seem to notice as he pulled her closer and kissed her one last time. Sharing a smile, they released each other and got up from the chair.
"Could you help me pack?"
"Un!"
* * * * * * * * *
Hours later, Yamazaki walked outside the house, buttoning his coat. Carrying a duffle bag over his shoulder, he steered his motobike out into the street. "Chotto matte!!" cried Kaede running out to
him, "Oniisan!"
"Oh, do you want to come too??" he asked, harshly tapping her forehead, "I can't fit another person on my bike... and Ayame would get mad at me."
"Chigau yo!" she snapped, twisting his finger and watching him jerk in pain, "Remember your promise! I won't forgive you if you don't come back for Neesan! I'll hunt you down, you know!"
Yamazaki chuckled down at her. "I understand. I'll do my best and become a man worthy for your sister. You do your best to stay out of trouble, Kaede-kun."
"I'll try... only if you hurry back home when you're done," she said, pouting a little. He suddenly leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. Kaede blinked and stared at him in surprise. "Oniisan...?"
"Take care of Ayame for me." he said, turning away and getting onto his bike. He secured the bag and put on his helmet, "I'll come back someday... that's a promise."
Kaede smiled and nodded her head. "I'll make sure you keep it!" He smiled back over his shoulder, and then started up the engine. As the bike sped down the street, she called after him, "Take care of yourself too, Oniisan! Don't make Neesan wait too long!"
From the balcony, Ayame watched him disappear from sight. But when she closed her eyes, all she could see was him - his face, his smiles, his shining eyes. All of a sudden, a hand touched her shoulder and she slowly turned around to see who it was.
"Daijoubu kai?" Kazuma asked, looking very concerned. He felt a bit surprised to see that she wasn't emotional or in tears. "It'll be difficult around here without Shinnosuke..."
"Iie," Ayame replied, looking up, "Everything is going to all right." The sun had broken through the clouds, the clear blue sky now in view. 'Because this isn't goodbye...'
* * * * * * * * * *
Next Chapter: "Unending battles"
Kaede-san, you are probably reading this on the train back so I am not there for you to scold. Sorry for tricking you, but it was the only way I could get you to leave Teito. The danger is increasing and you're so important to me. Please keep all of our memories alive no matter what.
