1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
26. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
27. Do I look like a people person?
28. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
29. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
31. You!... Off my planet!
32. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
33. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
34. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
35. Allow me to introduce my selves.
36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
37. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
38. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
40. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
41. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
42. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
43. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
44. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
45. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
46. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
47. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
48. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
49. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
50. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
51. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
52. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
53. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
54. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
55. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
56. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
57. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
58. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
59. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
60. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
61. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
62. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
63. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
64. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
65. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
66. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
67. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!
68. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
69. I plead contemporary insanity.
70. And which dwarf are you?
71. Meandering to a different drummer.
72. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
